oWhat’s your earliest musical memory? 

oMy mum tells me that I used to go mad when she was pregnant with me to Oasis ‘Don't Look back in anger’, proper kicking and all sorts. Love it. 

oWhat does music do for your mental health? 

oIt’s an incredible release mechanism that lets me unleash what’s on my mind and de-clutter. It’s a beautiful cathartic thing, music. 

oWhat makes you happy? 

MUSIC, FAMILY, and hearing how my music connects with people all over the world. That’s a beautiful thing.

oWhat’s the best sound in the world? 

Best sound in the world is a cheer or round of applause after playing a song. The adrenalin rush is special: it’s all been worthwhile, mass satisfaction. 

oPlease tell us about a piece of music that has had an impact on your mental health. 

Again as yet untitled song I have just written, was very autobiographical in its style as I penned it, super cathartic and helped me offload some worries, and positive things at the same time. I felt cleansed afterwards, and it is a sick song. 

qCheating – Reasons to cheat… 

qDisconnection 

qFeeling Unloved 

qImbalance 

qFear of commitment 

qSelf Esteem 

qSexually addicted 

q 

qGuilt - The negative emotion of guilt can be paralyzing for some people. A person can feel guilty for something he did, for something he didn’t do, for something he thought he did, or for not doing enough for another person. Certainly, if a person causes harm to another, then guilt and remorse are natural. This feeling can catalyse a person to apologize, correct the wrong, and do better in the future. These are appropriate reactions. 

 

o“I couldn’t get out of bed.”

o“I haven’t got postnatal depression,’ I told her, ‘I am just rubbish at babies.” – denial

o“My daughter deserved better” – guilt

o“I also felt desperately, desperately sad, alone and out of control.”

A child may be left hungry or dirty, without adequate clothing, shelter, supervision, medical or health care.

A child may be put in danger or not protected from physical or emotional harm.

They may not get the love, care and attention they need from their parents.

A child who's neglected will often suffer from other abuse as well. Neglect is dangerous and can cause serious, long-term damage - even death.

Disassociation / emotional numbness: For many an initial reaction to being raped is one of shock and emotional numbness. Many people initially feel calm and shut off from what's happened. This reaction can sometimes surprise friends, family and professionals who expect survivors to be distraught immediately after an assault. However, disassociation is a natural defence mechanism and is perfectly normal. Usually after a few days or weeks you will begin to have a range of other reactions including anger, fear and shock.

Fear: Depending on the circumstances you may feel fear about a number of things. You might have been physically threatened during the assault, you may be fearful of reporting to the police because you are worried about what this will lead to, you may feel reluctant to tell friends and family for fear of upsetting them. If you know the assailant or he knows where you live you might be afraid of continued violence. You might feel worried about becoming pregnant or contracting an STD. Later on you may worry about being able to be in an intimate or sexual relationship.

All of these fears are absolutely normal and common and given time and support they can be overcome. Discussing them with a friend or counsellor will help.

Embarrassment & shame: A significant number of people who've been sexually assaulted feel embarrassed or shameful about what has happened. Most of us find it difficult to discuss intimate things so it is not surprising that you might not find it easy to discuss what has happened with strangers or even friends. In these circumstances it is sometimes easier to talk to someone on a telephone helpline who should take things at your pace.

Guilt: Feeling guilty when you've been raped is common. You may feel that you could have done something to prevent the attack or, if you know the attacker, you may feel that you somehow 'provoked' the rape. Remember, rape or sexual assault is never your fault – young girls and women in their 80's are raped. Men who rape have control over their behaviour and no matter what you wear, what you drink or your relationship with the assailant you have the right to say no to sex.

Practical factors: sexual violence can disturb your normal routine of living and many aspects of your life. You may feel a strong need to get away and to make practical changes in your life. Your priority should be to feel safe. Do whatever you need to do to get back your feelings of security and safety. Get a guard dog, install extra outside lights, leave interior lights on, get an alarm system, invite friends or family members to sleep over, buy hand held alarms, etc. It is not silly to want to protect yourself. Do what makes you feel comfortable and safe.

Depression: Depression can be expected as you start to come to terms with or recover from any major trauma or emotionally charged event. Dealing with the memory of the assault as well as the things that follow (the police, telling friends and family going to court, having medical examinations etc.) can be extremely draining physically and mentally.

Recurrent dreams and nightmares: You may experience recurrent dreams and nightmares as your brain tries to process, understand and recover from what has happened. This is normal and the nightmares usually become less frequent over time. Talking about them with someone you trust will help – it might not stop the dreams altogether but it will help them seem less powerful and overwhelming.
www.idas.org.uk

I was doing the cash register, it was a Sunday, so liquor sales didn't start until noon. Lawrence and Ziyad sat in the office until noon when the liquor sales started, then Lawrence and I traded places. For the longest time Ziyad and I sat in the office talking and getting to know each other. We talked about people, sports, cars, just small talk. Then he began making perverted comments to me. Feeling very uncomfortable, I went up to the cash register with Lawrence. I didn't tell him about his cousin. Now I know I should have.

At about 2:30, Lawrence sent me and Ziyad into that back room to do some work. I was back there, minding my own business and doing my thing. Ziyad grabbed me by my arms and drug me into the bathroom. I screamed. He put this hand over my mouth and started to undo his pants. Knowing what was about to happen I froze. My whole body went numb. I couldn't move. After he was done, he got dressed and walked out of the bathroom like nothing happened. He left me there with my tears. When he walked out the door, he took with him my pride, my security and my virginity. I had so many thoughts going through my mind. What if I tell someone and they don't believe me? Was it my fault? I thought Lawrence was my friend, if he was, how could his cousin do this to me? Not to mention the multiple feelings I had. Shame. Guilt. Anger. Fear. But most of all disbelief. How could this happen to me?

About 10 minutes later I walked out of the bathroom, past the office, and up to the cash register, where Lawrence, not knowing anything yet, was standing. As I walked past the office, I noticed that Ziyad's cousin Firas was there to pick him up. As I walked by he said "You know what Lindsie, you're a slut". So, that means that Ziyad went in there and bragged that he "Got Some."

After Ziyad left, I began to cry. Lawrence continually asked me "what's wrong Lindsie, what's wrong"? Finally I blurted out "Your cousin raped me." He hugged me and gently kissed my head. At first he told me not to tell anyone, later on he told me to do what I felt was right. He also said he'd always be here for me. The funny thing is, I believed him...

Later that night my sister came to pick me up. As soon as I got in her car, I started crying. I told her what happened. She told me I had to tell my parents. I didn't want to. She did. My whole family was crying...my parents...my 2 brothers.. and my sister. My mom called the police. After they got there and we made a police report, they took me to the hospital to have a rape kit done. We pressed charges. Later that night, they went to Ziyad's house. He told them it was consensual. I didn't want to do it. He forced me. It was RAPE!

Over the next few days it finally sank in that it happened and I became completely oblivious to the things that were going on around me. All I wanted to do was sit in my room and listen to the radio so loud I couldn't even hear myself breathe. I had to go to the police station for more questioning. Through visits to the police station, and calls with the officer handling my case, I found out that Ziyad had told a different story quite a few times already. It was consensual. I gave him oral sex. I gave him oral sex and then had sex with him. I forced him. With those different stories, don't you think that would make it obvious that he did it? I mean, he couldn't even keep his story straight. It wasn't. The police took my case to the state prosecutor before the rape kit results came back. They said there wasn't enough evidence to prosecute and dropped my case just like that. Too bad they didn't have all the evidence yet! So, instead of just dropping the whole thing like nothing happened, we went about things in our own way....

Lawrence was calling my house everyday asking if we could settle outside of court for money, and asking if I would still help him out at the store. My mom worked there too, so he was asking if she would come back to work. We got so sick of it. Finally we called the police and told them, which turned this into a police report also. If Lawrence, his family, or his friends called my house again, they would be arrested. Then we started our civil case. We're currently in the process of that. We're suing the store and Ziyad. I had my deposition a couple of months ago, and since the defendant has the right to be in the room, Ziyad was there. As I had to describe in detail what was done to me, he sat there laughing. Since I'm a minor, my parents had to be in the room with me. Ziyad was staring at my dad, laughing, and the whole time we were in the room, Ziyad had a smile on his face. My dad couldn't take it any more. He had his fists ready when Ziyad's lawyer made us take a break. During the break, they realized that Ziyad wasn't making things any easier for me, and they made him leave. Our court date is September 21.

I'm currently in counseling 2 times a week, and I'm on pills for depression. I can't fall asleep at night without the TV on. And I've already given myself an ulcer from worrying so much. I know things will get better and eventually I will be able to live a normal life again, but right now it is hard. Very hard.

-Lindsie

o(F) leaves work, on her way home and approached by Steven who kidnaps her.

o(F)Chucks her in basement after being raped.

oBack to interview room, detective tries to find out more information about him and the place, therapist comes in to help her through the interview.

o(F)Alone in basement and man chucks her some basic food down the steps, she cries.

oDetective at home arguing with his wife about how much time and effort he is putting into this case.

oTaken from interview back to mental hospital where she is greeted by nurse and speaks to therapist to calm her down.

oEvening at hospital and she is trying to sleep but hallucinates Steven in her room. Nurse comes and settles her down. Nurse chats to her and tells her about her cousin who was sexually abused and offers support.

o(F) Short scene showing Steven in house doing something nice to make the audience question why he is so horrible.

oDetective comes to her room and finishes the interview by asking about her escape.

o(F) She escapes from the basement by strangling Steven, and running away to the hospital as she is close to labour.

oSession with therapist and they talk about the traumatic birth.

o(F) Her in hospital having traumatic birth (Physical Theatre?)

oTherapist and Nurse arguing about what should happen to the baby that is currently being looked after in a different part of the hospital.

oDetective at home explaining why this case is so important to him.

oLillian is allowed to visit her baby with the therapist and nurse, she picks up the baby and freaks out by seeing Stevens face on the baby and throws her baby on the floor. BLACKOUT.