I can't describe what tf this year was, yet I know it was sad and tough on all of us. How fortunate that we're gonna make it through. Well done. 

One of my close friend's jams popped up on my Spotify. I hadn't mentioned her anywhere due to our trauma bond. To be honest, I did everything possible to avoid human interactions since she passed away. I wondered what turned her like this? There were many ways to relieve melancholy, and she chose to torture herself and everyone around her. I saw people praying R.I.P for her and my other friends who were fated to stay in 2021 forever. Yeah yeah "rest in peace" whatsoever, sometimes I just wish it means return if possible. 

I didn't realize time flew that fast. I honestly couldn't remember what she sounded like anymore. So I stopped by to say hello, let her know it's nearly 2022 while the motherfvcker unalived herself and forced others to live happily (her words). 

You may know a part of my story, most likely as a joke I wanted it to be as my coping mechanism, but you didn't know how hard it was for me to face the "it doesn't rain but it poured" kinda situation. I was drowned in negativity, insecurity, apprehension. All the voices in my head yelled for help, yet stayed silent, assuming as it was the loudest noise. 

There were days I felt like walking in broken glass, days that I fought for every inner conflict that I no longer wanted to win. There were days my extreme anger was an act of war that the soldier sometimes lost her very own self. There were days a part of my soul died little by little, that I got a panic attack and still pretend like nothing. And there were days that I didn't even know what to do besides blaiming myself that I was the problem. Despite all, I overcame. The silent wound, shattered messages and questions unsent, eating disorders, insomnia, and related feeling came to an end (permanently). I treated others the way I had always wanted to be treated then I just bloomed. From the dead soil. And I know you would, or you will, too. At the end of the year, either we're gonna learn something valuable or we're getting stronger, ain't we? 

I won't say I'm fully cured but I'm truly, truly appropriated every single thing, every single person whether they stay or leave. Thanks for staying patiently to protect me, even though some of you are getting tired of my stubborn ass. For those who left, thanks for leaving me so that I could learn how I should treat myself right.

It's the art of healing.

That's all. The closure that everybody's waiting for is coming closer. A new chapter is willing to be written, an excitement to start everything fresh again regardless of what comes next after the fall. 

At the very last, enjoy your 2022. Be whatever you're comfortable with. 

With love,

H