Is anybody out there?

I cannot hear you. 

My life is taboo.

No one can talk about it.

Disability.

I’m good at hiding,

Where no one can see me cry.
It’s better that way. 

Too vulnerable.

It cuts too close to my skin.

I close myself off.

She guides my shoulder away.

I avert my eyes.

I don’t understand.

And I cannot be bothered.

I am too busy.

When can we talk more?

Secretly I wish to leave. 

Uncomfortable.

I’d love to meet up.

Tasks and deadlines come first though.

Sorry, I forgot.

Disqualified from society.

Reinforcing my worst fears.

My esteem runs low, because

My reflection in society tells me

I don’t matter, and that I’m not good enough.

Distorted reality.

Don’t use me as inspiration, and then spit me out

Because you cannot stand my taste.

Excluded. Misunderstood. Misinformed.

A fake. An illness. A supercrip. 

Insufficient. Undeserving. Dependent. 

Ashamed. Wounded. Regretful. 

A product of social process.

Is there a cure?

When do I matter?

Where do I matter?

When will they ask what I think?

Does my opinion matter?

When will they see me for me?

The stigma is real, 

But I don’t let it define me. 

Confidence runs through my veins. 

It doesn’t always show,

But it’s pumping strong.

This is my reality.

It isn’t everyone’s reality, but I 

Can show others what it’s like for me.

Pride. Importance. Gladness.

Accomplished. Balanced. Capable.

Failure is expected, but

Achievement is possible.

A push for social progress.

I am my own remedy. 

I matter now.

I matter here and there.

My perspective is my story.

My thoughts are my own,

And no one can take them away.

From the beginning,

My dad has been scared for me.

I am all he has left after the accident.

So it makes sense that he wants me to be protected.

But it doesn’t mean I’m safe.

Not safe from ridicule and shame.

Inadequate. That’s what I feel…

And my dad just reinforces that idea

With everything he does.

He doesn’t think I can keep up with 

The other fish. My stupid lucky fin.

It just slows me down,

And makes me look weird when I swim.

School will be too much for me, he says.

I’m not ready.

But I am ready. I can do everything that

Everyone else does! And I’ll prove it to them!

If only I could show him that I AM capable.

I can take care of myself, and I can learn and grow

Just like everyone else.

I’m just like everyone else. 

There’s nothing wrong with me.

I can do it just fine.

And I don’t need help.

All I have to do is reach a little further…

And I’ll get it too.

The words sting.

Even though it’s what I expected.

Even my own father doesn’t believe in me.

He doesn’t think I can do anything…

I’m too weak, too fragile, too “precious”

Why does he always have to answer for me?

Why can’t he just let me go? 

Why can’t he trust me?

It’s too late… I’ve fallen behind and

I’m lost at sea now.

I should have listened to him.

I am not capable. I am nothing.

And I brought this upon myself.

There’s nothing left to do. 

I cannot let anyone see, because then everyone 

Will be disappointed in me.

And everything they thought about me

Is true.

Maybe my lucky fin

Is something that makes me me.

Maybe I cannot get rid of it.

Maybe I can be proud of my fin--

It still marks me.

But maybe it can mark me as a fish 

Who’s proud that they’re different.

And I don’t have to be like everyone else.

I can ask for help.

I can be loved, and I can be trusted.

I can do this by myself, 

And I can do this with others.

I’m free. And I can do this.