Writing Productive Comments! (7/S25/7) by Mandy Proctor

Writing Helpful Comments

MandyProctor — 2025-04-08 18:20:30 UTC

Helpful comments DESCRIBE what they see the writer trying to do, EVALUATE how well the writing is doing that thing, and SUGGEST how the writer can make specific, focused revisions.

Using the explanations of the star system below, rate the comments on this board. Add a comment to each of the examples that explains your rating. Your explanation should describe what parts of the D-E-S structure informed your rating decision.

3 stars is the default. 3 stars means "Thank you for the feedback" that uses the D-E-S strategy effectively. If you give more or fewer than 3 stars, you need to be able to identify why.

4 stars means the comment goes above and beyond the basic D-E-S and provides lots of useful detail.

5 stars is the the most useful feedback you could ever imagine receiving.

2 stars means you think the reader could have tried a little harder.

1 star means you think the reader didn't follow the comment instructions.

MandyProctor — 2025-04-08 18:20:30 UTC

I can see that you'e trying to make a comparison between yourself and your sisters, but I don't believe this is really all that relevant to your own relationship with reading, since I fail to see what your sisters' abilities have to do with your own ability, and it appears that you don't make any other callbacks to your sisters later in your writing. I would suggest to refrain from mentioning comparisons between yourself from your siblings and focus more about yourself, such as keeping the comment that you would often fall asleep while reading and perhaps elaborating further or add more relevant information about how or what you've read as a child.

MandyProctor — 2025-04-08 18:20:30 UTC

You talk about how writing has become more difficult as you grew up because of all the rules you must follow, but you do not provide any examples. It would be helpful if you could provide specific examples of a few rules that you find difficult and why that makes it challenging.

MandyProctor — 2025-04-08 18:20:30 UTC

You are describing your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to reading, but I think that this description feels a little out of place being at the end of the paragraph.

MandyProctor — 2025-04-08 18:20:30 UTC

I see that you're trying to explain how reading in school now differs from reading in school as a kid, but it seems a little vague. As the reader, I'm left wondering why it's less fun. I suggest elaborating more on why you enjoy it less. You can consider questions like, "Are there specific things that high school teachers do that elementary school teachers didn't? Did something happen in school while you were growing up that changed your perspective of reading?" Adding more detail might help your reader better sympathize or connect to your feelings towards reading, keeping them more engaged and more likely to continue reading closely.

MandyProctor — 2025-04-08 18:20:30 UTC

You give clear examples but I see that you use the word "Also" to begin most sentences. Try to use different transition words or just remove the word as a whole because it makes it feel like a run on sentence.