I’m feeling confused.

I’m feeling a zero.

I feel guilty for having pushed you away

I think if we had never met, it would have been better for both of us.

But what can we do if we can't leave

I want to see you

Go back to the way it was before, is it possible?

Maybe I don’t want to go back anymore

When we turned our backs 

You said bad things about me

And it left me desolate

We have to deal with endings 

I dealt with this

Now I’m confused about everything 

But at peace 

I made the right decision for me

I hope you do the same

I’m a killer queen

I’m vibrating for the new challenges to come

So fast that almost hurts 

Comes with a deep smell

goes with the tempting taste

of more. 

How can we trust again? 

lies bringing us euphoria

and at the same time 

abusing the confidence. 

Let's smile and have fun

forget about the hit

return from where it stopped

and then smile again. 

Looking forward 

it was an experience 

or just rolling tears.

Who cares? 

Did you really leave me? 

I'm feeling desolated, uncertain 

Because little by little you stole me 

And left, taking my heart,

Leaving a letter on the table 

Why without warning? 

I now stay only with the memories 

I was happy 

Now, there are tears and confusion 

Irrational, but rational to the moment when I can no longer sit down to rest, when I feel in a paralysis of sleep, petrified, anguished, immobile, even though I am awake, without ever having slept, fallen asleep.

It's not as if it's easy to let go of your hand and let go of the glorious lie that has walked side by side with me for years, that I helped to build to delude myself more and more about you and me. It's not as if I want to open my eyes and admit that I was a victim if I feel so guilty. Like a corpse is to blame for not having lived through eternity. 

These treacherous paths like you, that are crooked like you, that tire me like you, that make me feel pain and want to become masochistic, not like you, since you were sadistic enough to create a god and make me devoted to her, to you, to your ideas, make me confused to rationalize feelings that are non-existent but exist, that are false but have become true to the point of feeling them on my skin, in my hair, on my tongue, under my feet, on my hands. To want to cry and not grow up. Like a child who was hard pressed by his parents and made the worst choice of his life, not wanting to live that way anymore, but not knowing that there are other ways to live. 

Despite withering, of being suffocated for so long, held in the painful eyes of the mirror, I know that what I did was the right thing, even though I think I am wrong and depressed. I was playful with the scene, I was fearful with the reactions, but I am sure that one day my nightmare will become a dream and, not as a comeback, but as a new beginning, I will worship myself as the god you created, I will unbend myself since you only bent me more, I will become bright as the star I had everything to be, explosive as the biggest atomic bombs you have ever created.

Mother, I will be free, I will be happy, I will not go back. I'm going to believe, become hopeful like I've never been, felt in the best way, heard by my own ears that can feel what my own vocal cords speak. Mother, I will become brave and courageous and amazing. Eager and excited like a bird in a necessary danger. I'm going to run away, Mother. Just like I ran away from home. Just like I've run away from you. 

It's devastating, but it will get better, because getting rid is also necessary. I'm glad I left you.