This continuous loop of freedom and trust.

Sometimes you are just tired

Just wanna lay

On bed or on burial ground?

Be a matter to decay.

You start thinking the worst

Like, the world coming to an end or

You ending your world.

Whatever the reason be,

These emotions are quite strong.

Sometimes it feels

As if they are growing stronger each day,

And you are coming closer to your d-day.

Sometimes your are just tired

Tired of all the shit.

It's messing with your brain,

Without even giving you a hint.

You don't wanna talk

Not even to yourself.

You just wanna lie

Through your teeth or on the bed.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why are we even here,

Why does it even matter?

You see, after you are gone,

And after mourning your loss,

For whatever few days,

Everyone's life will be the same,

Just like any new game

Just with one lost character,

Which i don't think was a reason to stray.

For everyone, you thought

Would atleast say

"I wish you would've stayed

Or me accompanied you on your d-day,

But I'm sorry dear friend,

I have my life,

So I'll let you decay."

It's as if all my tears already dried up,

There's nothing to lose,

Nothing to gain even.

Life's like a cloud,

Because, when it rains, it pours.

When you find a spark, it burns.

When you find something real,

It just unfurls.

Im being.

The stars shine afar

I think I'm weeping.

How it all started

I don't think I've a reason.

Counting people as stars

By the amount of light they emit.

Im crying stains:

That are not visible to me.

I hope there's a way

That makes me let it all out.

But I don't think there's such a thing.

You disappoint me

Is what I keep saying to myself

You don't do enough

You are not enough's the only thing

I keep talking to myself.

I wanna feel everything

I wanna let it all out.

I wanna go back to those nights

When I prayed to God

To numb my pain,

Because now I'm numb, but I still feel the pain.

Im traumatic

With no way to truly express it,

I keep looking, searching,

But I can't seem to embrace it,

Not, myself.

Soon the disappointment will turn anger.

You'll start thinking impossibles

Is it ever enough?

You're hysterically besting yourself!!

The pain, the emotions

Do not faze you

You know what you're going through.!

You shout into the void,

"Is there someone who can help me?"

"Or am I just really lonely"

You are waiting for someone/something

You know is fictional,

But that's just the most real you've ever felt.

Ive turned cold

My hearts a stone

And my brain number than that.

Existence is exponential

It requires effort

So you start thinking otherwise.

Knowing you

I probably know what you are thinking:

To cease to exist,

To stop feeling things!

But that's not possible run

Just run,

That's all you'll ever be able to do!

Come on tell me why

You are a bloody shit face

You deserve no life

Im worried

Someday ,

I'll just take my life

All the sadness and the sorrow

Whipped off in a James bond style.

Im being selfish, aren't i?

Not thinking about my family

Or the people that I like.

But what do I do

If it's troubling me too much?

Choking my throat

As I stand there helpless.

I wonder if I were to be an orphan,

How long would it have taken

For me to leave this place abandoned?

You call me self obsessed for ditching my family

Then maybe I am self obsessed

But then I wonder

What do you call those, who left me all strangled.

Do they all deserve to know what they did?

Messed with my childhood

And fu**ed with my brain

I am like those petals of a flower,

You plucked me out too soon,

And then picked me apart,

Part by part.

I want even ready yet,

Way too immature.

But you taught me that

I had to grow up,

But how would I?

When you yanked out my heart,

It crushed under your feet

And you didn't gave it a thought.

So I was a child,

With a broken heart.

Putting it all together

I was a child

With an adults thoughts.

Now I stand here,

With all my petals gone.

I lost myself,

Thinking i belonged.

But no one likes an incomplete flower,

Forget the humans, now even bees are afar.

I couldn't feed them,

So they left me on radar.

I am this weightless balloon

Who's losing all it's air,

Day by day

Breath by breath

Moving through the wind.

Just a few more pricks and I'll be gone.

Will then I be happy?

I think I'll be

And So i wait for the pricks

Wait....for them to kill me.

I feel.

Shattered,

Not healed.

Burned,

But alive

Or so i thought to be.

Drinking sips of the

Sweet drink.

I try to wake myself up each day.

Wary, i realise, halfway,

The cups are filled with drama

Aah..im thinking about the trauma,

The lining done by our sins,

Practically it has the darkest aura.

Yet, i take the sips

Enjoying every bit

Not letting a drop tip

As My mind soon slips

Into the darkest void

Im trying hard to find,

The reasons, i fight

For today, i decide

What I believe in.

But my beliefs gone,

It's six feet under,

I open my eyes,

To a gigantic thunder.

The sky is my home,

Its calling me.

I wanna go,

Then what's stopping me?

A glimpse,

I try to find,

Of humanity,

Of hope,

Or even the future

I despise.

But what alls left now

Is broken promises

And brutal lies

Hope cried

And fought for it's life.

But alas,

My depression hUng it up,

While my ocd smiled.

It's the fight you fought,

The people you lost!

Holding the trigger is often the person

You trust a lot.

That's why they say:

Don't trust yourself too much,

You might be in for a ride, but you are out for a reason.

Its the battle I'm in

An unending war.

You are a loser, or so are your thoughts.

But maybe it's true,

You not worth a dime,

Not worth a truth,

Not worth any smile.

I don't have an ounce of respect

For nobody

Not even myself

I count the stars as if

They my own.

For I too wish to be among them

Now or later

Sooner than ever

How does it even matter.

There are words unsaid

Things undone

But when deaths

The only thing on your mind

All you ever need

Is a sobbing chamber

Burning yourself

You let out a cry

Unheard, it was

In the glowing ember

That was left of your ashes

In the smoldering enclosure.