The image I made was a series of geometric shapes. It is not something I generally would do. I enjoy natural and organic shapes. I realized though, working at a psychiatric facility, that I kind of felt like a round peg being shoved into a round hole. I missed my community of fellow art therapists in training. The people that I connect with and share a similar way of thinking. I didn't realize how different art therapists think to others in the mental health field. On the surface, my internship site appeared very organized and orderly like the pattern I created, but with the turnover of staff and patients as well as how it was run, it felt a bit disjointed. 

Ferns have been a symbol that has come up for me since practicum 2. They symbolize sincerity, compassion, magic, growth, newness, and mystery. This piece is an image representing my unfurling into a new place physically, and assuming different roles as a professional. It is a symbol of the unknown -- as new leaves unfurl I am able to see clearer and work with what I have been given, in situations that arise in my life. The fern represents hope.

I spent a majority of my time in internship working with clients and groups in the adoption/foster care population. In school, I was admit that I would never work with this population because I am adopted and I felt that sitting with a client who was experiencing separation trauma would be too triggering for me. For my capstone I decided to explore the connection between my adult self (who I am today as a person and a professional) and my inner child (about 5 years old when I began to understand what being adopted meant). It was the chaotic and traumatized inner child that I feared would be triggered during a session and completely derail me. However, through this experience I began to see that it was myself as an adult trying to protect this inner child when really the inner child is what ultimately fueled my desire and passion to work with population. Now I can clearly see how each of these parts of myself help me to be a better therapist when working with this population. I chose finger paint because it is an art form we usually do as small children and the blanket represents common themes amongst this population such as, security, comfort, and love. 

Mixed media 

This is a mural I created with my office mates on our door.  It was a group collaboration on planning and working together to celebrate Black History Month.  The passing of Kobe Bryant impacted so many individuals and staff at the hospital, along with many around the world.  We chose to honor his contribution to history.

In my work at the Montecito, an assisted living and independent living community in Santa Fe, I saw many people struggle with changes brought on by moving to a new community where space is shared. This art piece depicts the internal struggle of a man with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Many of his triggers and responses impact his relationship with healthcare workers and peers. This paralyzing fear, anger, and hurt have kept him isolated in his room, though he misses being connected with the outside world. The red and blue in this piece contrast the shift between anger and sadness, emotions frequently triggered by a loss of control that accompanies the transition to assisted living communities. 

 My artwork for the Wild Heart Gallery will be a painting I did last quarter in Professional Development. I worked on the same painting for two hours one day a week. I really enjoyed the experience and loved the insight it brought through the process of making it. Some insights were obvious and others were unconscious, revealing through questions from my teacher and my peers during the class. I really loved how it turned out and have it hanging on my wall at home. The painting was an intuitive approach- no real plan…just painted how I felt each week during the first part of my internship(which is not how I typically paint).

This piece is about the process rather than the finished product. This canvas stayed by my side throughout internship, allowing me to express my anger, frustration, and exhaustion with paint each week. It went through many transformations, beginning very dark and ending much brighter and more fluid. The only constant throughout the process was the moon.

I have found myself located within a storm; and the storm has been powerful, dreary and overwhelming. This piece is a representation of my grief regarding two recent and dear losses. Grieving and going through the process of my internship has been challenging. Holding my own personal sufferings, while showing up and holding the sufferings of my clients has not been an easy task. Yet, at sometime, I recognize that this storm will pass; and with the passing of the storm, I am hopeful about new beginnings and a bright future. 

here I am
before you
I am alive 
genderless and naked alive 
flesh and bone 
electric web of cells
       glowing 
             reflecting 
full of myself, self-centered 
full of peace 
the dirty kind 
writhing and begging 
for justice 
moving wildly 
like strands of pearls like kelp ribbons 
like broken pieces of glass 
        tumbling 
               shaking 
                          rattling
through the barrel of a wave 
making their way 
ashore 
here I am 
born again
fresh babe from the froth 
like Aphrodite, in a new phase 
                                     A full moon
here I am 
I am alive 

This piece is dedicated to my missed time in nature and the fragmented experience of connection during my intense time in internship. Connection can be found in clients being worked with, in friendships put on hold and in partnership sometimes bonded by silence. I struggled to show up further than my demands, but a solid foundation kept me in.

This artwork reminds me to remain present in chaos. Moments of presence can be fleeting. For me, learning to exist in the moment is a lifelong journey. This image reflects how I feel when I am present, no matter how brief the experience is. I am calm, balanced, and connected to the world around me.

This Triptych has been worked on, layer after layer, week after week, to capture my Internship process and experience. It has not been an easy journey, filled with emptiness and fire, and spiraling shells. Finally, I have found that taking my time to explore small spaces, as a snail in a garden, has been the most healing. In a time of my life when everything is happening - good and bad and in-between - I am most present when I take my time and focus on the little things in life.

Throughout two quarters I used this canvas as an outlet for all the good, bad, tough and transforming times throughout internship. The final product is a combination of showing the good in internship I have come across, the hope, the bad times, the connection to my family who have been my support throughout this process and the future that I will be moving into after internship.

My original internship at Open Door Health Centers of Illinois ended abruptly and I was having trouble finding closure with my clients and my sense of normalcy. I based this quilt upon a journal that I had been keeping since the beginning of Internship. I had been tracking myself by creating a simple pen drawing after every client that I saw during Internship. This quilt has eighty of these drawings recreated on every colored square. I also placed a larger version of a design as a symbol of a time I felt proud of my work at this site. Open Door's services are focused towards the HIV+ and LGBTQ+ communities, and as I worked within both of these, I wanted to find a way to honor them both. I picked a quilt to represent the Names Memorial Project that began in 1987, and I fashioned it into the pattern of the original gay flag with eight colors to represent the LGBTQ+ community and Harvey Milk, my light figure, who originally commissioned the flag. Through making this quilt and the presentation that was paired with it, I found the closure I was looking for and the unconditional positive regard for the experience I had.  

This Koala bear is made for people to color and while the color they are aware of how hard they are pushing the colored pencil or marker, are they thinking about what colors they are going to use next and if so bringing their attention back to the present and what they are coloring now.

This painting from the second quarter of internship seminar reflects upon my personal journey of grief that runs parallel to the clients I see at Gerard's House. To me, grief work is embarking upon an extremely personal journey to the underworld to recreate meaning after the death of a loved one. Working with grieving children, adolescents, and adults at Gerard's House has been challenging as my own family struggled with mental health issues around depression deepened over these two quarter of internship eventually coming to a head with the suicide of my cousin Matthew on February 24th, 2020. Making this artwork in reflection of of my underworld has allowed me to willingly drop to a new level of depth with clients and create a greater sense of safety, compassion, and understanding. 

In an attempt to capture the process of exploring the layers beneath the human experience, this piece fuses together the persistent internal voice and thoughts left unspoken. Each part of this piece is un-apologetically intentional, honoring experiences both exciting and frustrating, and humbling and inspiring. The process is ongoing and yet there is something beautiful in seeing the complete in the incomplete.

This final art piece actually feels like the beginning of a journey. Included is my self portrait that I completed through part one of professional seminars. It spoke to the influence in which clients have in my development as a practitioner. I used art from through the quarter to incorporate a transformer image. In the bottom left is a flower with a caterpillar sitting on the flower. The right side of the image had a tree formed with another art piece from the quarter. Resting on a branch is the next stage of the caterpillar pod. On my face is a butterfly which I chose not to complete to represent how I am still showing up as my Self as a therapist. I am also never complete; therefore, always in development. The use of previous artwork represents how my past experiences will continue to inform future work.

"Plant a seed and it will grow" was the first art therapy directive I presented while working with female inmates at SFCADF. This group started a journey in a substance abuse treatment program designed specifically for incarcerated individuals. I found throughout my time as an intern, there was an incredible synchronicity between myself and them. It was through my own creative process that I too, need look at steps looking forward starting a new challenge in life. More-so, the seeds I would need to plant for a future I desired and the practices required to achieve wholeness. This art piece is representative of re-birth. Unfortunate circumstances lead me to start from scratch, both creatively and professionally. This piece encompasses elements of silence and sadness, layered with invisible beauty that forces the viewer to approach it. My own life experience during internship mirrors that of the incarcerated women I worked with and ultimately learned from.

All is entwined and entangled. We are in relationship whether we know it or not (because) everything is inherently and deeply related. Such is the need for expansion. Healing is a sacred-service we do for ourselves and for the wholeness and recovery of the Gaian collective.