Norah K. Google Sites Peer Feedback 2021 - 2022 by Norah Kearns

Olivia

28omaver — 2021-10-05 17:49:30 UTC

I loved how you used descriptive words, I also liked how you explained all of your reasons. I think your about me piece is really great!

Lila craven

2021-10-06 17:38:53 UTC

A strength of your About me, “norahs sweet sensations” is the way you described your likes. For example I like how you talked about all the different things you do with friends. Something else that really caught my attention is when is your quote. Your quote tells me to be kind and helpful to others. One thing that I noticed is there were some spelling errors. Like this- “till I drop or flipping in a gymnasium.” And then I also found this that didn’t make a lot of sense to me: “bestsellers you I can find me reading” Your piece is great!

Meghan A.

28mafir — 2021-10-07 14:20:48 UTC

Hey Norah! One thing I loved about your writing was how you mentioned your kitties. The ways you described the simple act of them watching the animals outside made it seem like more than it actually was. Another thing I really liked in your writing was how you described what you loved to do, it really helped people to get to know you better. One suggestion I would make is to add more description. Talk more about all the things you love and hate. But overall, great job!

Kathleen L.

28klepkowski — 2021-10-07 14:56:10 UTC

I loved how you not only mentioned that you had two kittens but also explained more about them. I think that it had more depth and I could picture you cuddling up with your kittens on the couch as they look at the squirrels out your window. Another thing that made your writing great was how you used creative words and metaphors when you wrote about your likes. It made it more interesting and fun to read. The only suggestion that I have is not list your pet peeves. I feel if I know your pet peeves and know why they are I will know more about you. Overall I really loved your writing. I can’t wait to read more of your sweet sensations!

Dorothy<3

28dellison — 2021-10-07 18:19:29 UTC

I really liked that you put names of your cats in. I also like how descriptive you were. I could imagine the things you were telling me. I also really like your quotes and your alliteration in your title. I wish you put more of your writing dislikes and likes.bye Norah <3

Kathleen L.

28klepkowski — 2021-11-30 16:00:36 UTC

Hi Norah,

I absolutely loved your memoir! It had realistic inner thoughts that added another layer of depth to your story. My personal favorite one was when you said the lady’s outfit reminded you of your grandmother’s curtains. It lets your personality shine through. I also loved how you described your cats with the words fluffy and soft. I am imagining you petting your little tiny pets so well that I feel like I am watching you. It was very hard to come up with a wish but one thing that could improve your piece is to explain the plot in the beginning. I really had to dig deep to figure out where you were.

Lila C.

28lcraven — 2021-11-30 18:45:13 UTC

Your piece explains everything perfectly! Knowing how much I love animals, I could read this all day! A strength that really stood out to me was the ending. The description of how the “gotcha day” is November 30 and the age, fluffy colored fur and the words you use! It closes your story very well! Another strength that stood out was the punctuation, it was perfectly placed in the right spots. I also loved the part where you say what the lady is wearing and how it reminds you of your grandmas curtains! A wish is when you wrote “the faint sound of the babysitters club buzzed in my ears” I’m just a little confused what you meant by that. Does it mean your sister is watching a movie that reminded you of the babysitters? Otherwise I love you piece!

Luciana H

28lhathcock — 2021-12-01 19:35:16 UTC

Something I really like is that you put sounds into your writing piece. It wasn't just this is how it sounds or this or that. No, made us feel that we could hear it and not just read it. Something I also loved was that you questioned why don't these cast have a room. I really think it's cool that you question and not just think. Something I wished that you had would be maybe questioning what your sister thought.

Booger Boggers

28abogdan — 2021-12-02 15:12:58 UTC

One positive thing that you added was all the details. It really made me understand and made me feel more like I was in the moment. An example from the text is, The sky was as dark as a burnt marshmallow. The clouds boomed and cracked and shook the newly paved road. Flashes of white and gray lit up the darkened sky. Leaves flew around like a tornado and rain fell in sheets. The faint sound of the babysitters club buzzed in my ears, as my sister stared blankly at her IPad screen. That is really nice and descriptive and I felt like I was really there. Another really nice thing you did was add inner thoughts. These really made me understand more about what was plowing through your head at the moment and how you felt at the time. One example from the text is, That outfit makes me think of curtains that would hang in my grandma’s house. However I personally think that the title dose not suit your piece the best but other than that amazing job!

Meghan :))

28mafir — 2021-12-02 17:14:29 UTC

One thing I noticed was how descriptive you were when you described driving to the place to pick up the kittens. Especially when you said, “Flashes of white and gray lit up the darkened sky. Leaves flew around like a tornado and rain fell in sheets. Another thing that stood out to me was how you described all the cats. It really helped me visualize what was going on, and all the things you saw. I felt like I was in the moment! One thing I suggest is to change up some words when you are talking about the kittens. when you described the first time petting them, you used the same words, so I was a little confused which cat you were talking about. other than that great job!

Olivia M

28omaver — 2021-12-02 18:49:51 UTC

One thing that I really enjoyed in your piece was how you explained how happy you were in that moment, I could even feel the happiness! Another thing that I really liked about you piece was the descriptive language. I could imagine the girl with the dress on and the long dark hallway. I don't have a wish because your piece was really good.

Meghan

28mafir — 2022-03-08 15:14:07 UTC

Hey! One thing that really stood out to me were the descriptive words in your beginning anecdote. The word choice really stood out to me and made me understand, and feel bad for her. It really helped make the negative part of the uniforms show. Another thing I enjoyed about your writing piece were the reasons you chose. I felt they were very strong and really helped my hate for uniforms grow. One thing I would suggest, is to make sure where you included the quote in the last sentence of your memoir, your make sure to put quotation marks around it. Other than that great job!

Sela

2022-03-08 19:13:41 UTC

Hi Norah! I love how creative your intro is, it really seems that you took the time and thought about a good and creative title. I also love how specific your 1st warrant body paragraph one was. However, a suggestion is, to go back and look at spelling.

Jada D.

28jdadlaney — 2022-04-25 17:47:15 UTC

Hi, Norah! A strength of your narrative, “Papa a la Huancaína,” is the way in which you describe Julio, his Dad and their inner thoughts. My favorite lines were “It feels so good to feel some much love from one human being for such a long time. “ The way you described these lines made me feel like Julio felt powerful emotions because of the descriptive word choice you used. Another strength of your narrative is going into detail. In a lot of spots in your narrative I noticed you added in additional details. For example, you went into detail to show what was in the cabinets at the beginning of the story. Along with that, you also provided details on what was the couch color. Details like these really make your narrative feel very life-like. However a wish I have for you is to edit some punctuation. For example, when Julio thought he would lose his friends if he didn’t also spit out the food I feel you cou;d have put an exclamation because Julio was feeling angry. Overall, you did an amazing job!

Olivia M

28omaver — 2022-04-26 17:37:21 UTC

strength I found in your piece was the charter development of Julio, I could picture Julio in my mind and I got a feel of what type of person he is. Another strength that I found in your story was how you made your setting, I could picture the setting in my mind and it was very well detailed and included all the senses.One thing that I found could be a little bit more better was just your grammar, otherwise I think your story was really good!

-Lila:)

2022-04-29 17:45:23 UTC

Hi Norah! A strength of your narrative, “Papa a la Huancaína” is the way in which you used very strong descriptive words to make your narrative above and beyond. One of my favorite parts in your narrative was your hook because it was the most descriptive part and made me really want to read the rest. In addition, I like the way you used your inner thoughts because I could tell that you didn't rush and took this assignment seriously. Although your piece was amazing, you could add more narration and description than dialogue.