“why are you so lost and astray?”

do you see yourself in me,

a songbird fighting to be free?

Do you crave for power

so much that you need to make me cower?

I am heart, mind, and soul

To hurt that, is it your role?

When I bleed and cry out,

must you mock me with a pout?

Even when my tears flow,

will you continue every blow?

I must let you know,

that a glance from you can cease my day’s glow

Words filled with disgust,

day by day my heart rusts

What will you feel,

if I tell you i lost my will?

Somewhere in those moments,

when I had a rope, a ledge, or a current?

You left me here,

with more than ever to fear

In a place so dark and cold,

just because i didn’t fit society’s mold

Staying only for other’s sake

Every smile and laugh a fake

I only ever wanted a hand,

to help me take a stand

I’ve been here before

I have my scars, don’t add any more

Please understand that your pain and anger

cannot be directed at me any longer

Today, I’ll sing my song

a songbird, seeing the sky after so long

Today I’ll lift my head up high

no longer afraid of ruthless lies

seeing you through the crowds

when have i felt this way before?

it won’t matter, i want more

there were hundreds around us

yet it felt like it was calm, not a single fuss

your eyes knew mine

and when they meet it’s like i lose eight lives out of nine

and the last one loved you

as deep as ocean blue

you were wild, a little bit of rebel

parting waters for a seashell

you don’t feel real

too surreal

but if i let go

will the nightmares flow?

i’ve stayed for too long

a discordant song

the glass shatters

the footsteps patter

sunlight filtering through the clouds

seeing you through the crowds

bloodied on the floor

please stay

i don’t want to lose you once more

coffee - late night drives, slow and steady mornings, rush hour, messy thoughts, wild heartbeats, dusty curtains, candles, rain

wine - galas, museums, dim lighting, expensive restaurants, mountain hideaways, open window drives, jazz music, roses

beer - lost laughter, dazed smiles, whispered secrets, cheap take out, convenience stores, erratic music, cigarettes

soda - bumbling companions, last minute get away’s, afternoon heat, disposable camera’s, Converse, indie concerts, crumpled letters, soft laughter

juice - easy conversation, beaches, fruity perfume, summer vacations, polaroid cameras, hand-me-downs, thrift shopping, last minute parties

smoothie - random gifts, shopping sprees, weekend getaways, childish glee, hand-made bracelets, stealing candy, flower crowns

That holds no wrong

It thrums with pride

For the flag that can guide

A chorus of voices

That made their choice

To serve, to obey 

To stay strong, and to not easily sway

Red with valor

Blue with truth

Wear it like an armor

But never forget to soothe

Eyes that hold joy

Ones that don't seek to destroy

The Heart sings a Song

That holds no wrong.

sparks flying in too hot of a hearth

they said the sky would be colored blood red

the sun and the earth united and wed

instead, we had towering rushes of blue

fast, quick, but the drowning was slow

we lost many to the sea

their souls now set free

how did this even happen?

my vision tunneling, starting to sharpen 

it could only be a dream

yet, i begin to understand, it is what it seems

did they deserve this?

those caught in their sleep, finally dreamless?

those who were found celebrating,

their happiness abruptly ending?

what if i didn't leave?

what if i was with them when they found their reprieve?

what if i held on tighter?

would we be the same, would i be a fighter?

families broken apart

friends drifting away

the goodbyes couldn't even start

our resolve beginning to sway

the world had lost its people

had lost its love, its staple

and yet in the depths of despair

hope began to flare

one staggering step after another

for my family, friends, and final lover

i will stand for those i've lost

those who've paid the deathly cost

after every winter is a spring

even a caged songbird will fight to sing

for as long as i am not drowned in sorrow

i'll fight on till tomorrow

even the lotus blooms in murky waters

even sadness has its wonders

even pandora's box of darkness

had hope hidden in its corners

how sweet together

picture our spring

the storm we soar over

a thousand tiny lights

forever bound together

your song adrift

no matter how small

“protect,” you call

beautiful and strong

till we meet again, so long

Sad and beautiful creations

Words come down like a waterfall

Tears stream down, skyfall

Anger hides to weep

Regret turns to bleed

Doubt begins to seep

Loneliness starts to reach

Apologies and frustrations

Sad and beautiful creations

Thoughts flow through, a river

Sunlight shine through, flicker

memories like cherries and lime

but is now the time, to say goodbye?

fates inexplicably intertwined

till we meet at the edge of time

i will wait for you , you shall see

i will find you where the land meets the sea

are you the king of truth,

born from relentless struggles?

or are you the king of blood,

emerging from the reckless clash of steel?

are you the king of the people,

or are you the king of the throne?

and tell me, my prince

which do you think you are willing to be?

filled with countless words and confessions

and yet, a lover whispers the words “i love you” every night

and those three words mean infinity, the love of time

trying for other’s sake

taking all the glory

never for your own story

if this flower of ours will still last

when winter comes to cloud our skies

or if we were really just

a springtime love

of humanity’s violence and rage

see all the unknown faces?

they don’t know you either

but stop for just a minute, and try to realize

that everyone has their own lives, dreams, and duties

as do you

but for a split moment, a moment you might even forget tomorrow

your complex lives intersect, in a way that can never be repeated again

so the next time that you let someone pass in the hallway

or when you thank a kind cashier

take a moment to recognize

the intersection of your two wayward paths

and yet the thaw of spring will always bring its warmth

every one of us changes, for better or for worse

just like how the changing of seasons bring forth blessing and curse

i never did ask for this life

not the hope, and definitely not the strife

but the wind’s here to blow my kite

and i was given this heart to see the light

the darkest night is just before the dawn

life’s fighting to see it before it’s gone

losing an eye doesn’t mean i can’t see what can be lost,

what i’m living for isn’t for naught

all that i could ever ask for

might come as a breeze or a storm

and in this life i’ll rejoice and mourn

i’ll be human, and nothing more

hello, my love

this aching soul has waited for so long

to hear the right tune

even just once in this lifetime of mine

the potter, who creates and gives. who lets their mind wander free and lets their imagination pour out into the world. who believe that the world is a canvas and that we are the strokes of paint that fill it. who decorate space with pieces of themselves in order to feel a little less lonely

the poet, who sees the world in different lights. who live hundreds of lives in order to understand their own. who accepts the world for its flaws and beauties, quirks and nuances. who make the saddest of storms a beautiful whirlwind of emotions. who sing songs of love and loss, creation and destruction, soul and heart.

and the ponderer, who notice the little things. who dream big and take small steps. who look at the world and see much more than the pain it brings. who wander listlessly, because sometimes you don’t need a reason to walk. who space out a lot, who think a lot. who think a lot before they act, before they speak. because sometimes it’s better to be lonely.

but sometimes, there are those who are simply people. who have bad days and good moments, however fleeting. who get up from bed and wonder how. who blend in the crowd, yet to some stand out. who seem a little broken, a little tired.

chasing perfection

for the joy of others

because they care too much about the world

to care about themselves

bound by loneliness and sorrow

they chase the firelight of fulfillment

too focused on others

to realize the pain they’ve caused themselves

the loud noises of reality

ready to distract them from the hollow of silence in their soul

fated to heal one another

no matter how long it takes

it burned with blinding light

i had my scars, but you called them constellations

we were broken, splendid creations

we hurt, we struggle, we fight

we war for what is right

we do what it take to reach the light

but what if we were wrong?

what if weak are those we thought strong?

what if the flame of truth is long gone?

what if the price we pay is greater than what we won?

not when his parents told him about how they found each other, the black and white stencil of roses around his mother’s collarbone bursting to color when his father saved her from falling down the stairs, the winding vines around his arm matching colors. 

not when he saw his soulmark for the first time in his last year of high school, the right side of a pair of wings stretching across his right shoulder to his lower back, lines refined and sure to have a pair. 

not when college came along and everyone had a mark, wondering who’s going to be their match. 

well, almost everyone. 

mayumi, with her tired eyes and lopsided grins, with her soft words and cold hands, with ruffled hair and messy notes that somehow you can still understand, didn’t have a mark. 

and she was fine with it. 

some people don’t have a soulmate, and many of their small minority plead injustice, but some of them don’t really care.

mayumi was one of them. 

noboru didn’t really mind either, when one day, before their graduation, he starts looking at her with a sparkle in his eye and she looks back with something in her smile that he’s never seen before and he thinks,

“oh.”

—

noboru has a mark and wishes he didn’t

mayumi never had one, and has never wished she did

and both of them have a love that gathers stares and questions, and truthfully, they don’t wish for anything else

—

noboru’s right eye turns a light shade of amber four and a half years into their relationship, a countdown of a year starting to tick away, a year before he meets his soulmate. 

he looks in the mirror and decides, it’s pretty. the specks of gold complimenting the layered brown hues well. 

mayumi says it looks like the sun, says it fits him well, he’s always been the rain after all. she smiles and laughs while saying so, but noboru could see the hidden worry deep in her eyes, could hear the slight tremble in her voice and feel the near unnoticeable shaking of her hands.

that night, he holds her hand tight, holds her close, looks away from the fireworks show they came to watch, and says, “i won’t leave you.”

mayumi knows he means it

—

the sound of static in noboru’s head comes a week before he meets whoever is waiting for him. 

he knows it’ll be a melody when they meet, a song that’s never supposed to go away, a song that’s for them and them only. 

but he knows he has all he needs, the engagement ring on his finger a gentle reminder that he made his choice a long time ago. 

he just hopes it won’t hurt too much for whoever has the missing side of his wings. 

—

the moment his back collides with another in the department store, hearing a small sound of surprise from the person he bumped into, he feels it.

in the spot of his mark, in his heart, in his soul. 

he feels a spark.

he hears the static in his mind shift into something sweet and gentle, like sunshine shining through the rain.

he turns around, and he locks eyes with her, his soulmate. 

“hi,” she smiles, stumbling a little, because she must feel it too

the feeling that you've met the one.

but noboru knows that feeling, has felt the same one a long time ago.

he attempts to return the greeting, albeit with a sad smile, before mayumi pops out from another aisle, with the same lazy smile that he fell in love with years ago. 

“hey! i thought i lost you-“ she starts, but trails off, seeing the faint but ever present glow underneath the back of the girl’s shirt. her smile fades, just a little, and noboru wants to keep her so close so it never disappears again. 

and just like that, noboru’s first words to his soulmate became,

“i’m sorry.”

—

“it’s okay,” she says. 

ryo is her name, and mayumi was right, she is the sun. 

her smile is bright and so are her eyes, even when she realizes she’s been waiting for someone who won’t be hers. 

and she’s fine with it, she assures the couple so. 

she laughs a little and says, “i’m happy for you, truly.”

later that day, ryo will come home to her sister and her son that she promised to help raise and she’ll softly realize, 

“i have all that i need.”

—

noboru was never amused by soulbonds. 

not when his parents told him about how they met. 

not when he saw his mark. 

not when everyone except him was waiting for the one who'd complete theirs.

not when he met his soulmate, a sweet melody still playing in his head. 

because six years ago, he fell in love.

and that’s enough. 

shiori looked up from the box of takeout she was eating from, tired eyes searching for reason.

“why?” she had asked him.

satoru didn't answer. couldn't, anyway. all he knew was,

“we need to go for a drive.”

if shiori was surprised, she didn't show it. she just looked at satoru and said,

“alright.”

shiori knew that this day'll would come a long time ago. and so did satoru.

they were just too scared to admit it.

—

the day is calm, and the wind greets them in the endless stretch of road. the food at the back of the car has probably lost all its warmth, but they aren't hungry.

just for today, the past and the present doesn't exist. just for today, all they have is the comfort of each other's hands, and an ocean waiting for them.

—

no one cheated, no one lied.

it was just bills upon bills.

calls upon calls from everyone saying it isn't worth it.

worry upon worry that maybe their dreams weren't meant to be reached.

silence, silence, silence.

until they forgot how to talk.

—

shiori always had paper somewhere.

and ink, so much ink.

a poem tucked in the corner of her bag, a quote hurriedly scribbled at the back of a grocery receipt, a piece of dialogue scrawled on her skin underneath the sleeve of her sweater, the ink starting to blot.

she thought that one day, she would craft stories upon stories that would make hearts soar.

but now, she thinks she doesn't want to know the ending of her story.

—

music has always been there for those that need it.

satoru knows that a little bit more than others.

his fingers know the keys of the piano and the strings of his guitar a little more than others, too.

and he knows that the song he longed to sing to listening ears might never see the light .

he knows that a little better than others, too.

—

their love was poetry, a symphony, a promise

but all of those, at some point, have to end.

for shiori and satoru, it just wasn't the ending they had hoped for.

—

tomorrow, it'll be over.

but today? they'll love like there never was a tomorrow.

today, the ocean stretches on and so do their words.

the silence is broken.

—

“someone will love you better,

but remember this night. the night i loved you for the last time.”

we were young, thinking we belonged in the world, somewhere. that after we sift through these crumpled papers we’d set out and find that place, someday. but for now, we said, we’d settle for falling asleep on paper filled desks with scribbles all over our arms that would take more than one wash to come off.

i met someone who refused to believe that we were lost in this world

i met someone who rewrote the definition of “wanderer”

fresh off the years of trying, always trying to learn and realizing that wow, we finally have the chance to say we succeeded. and we started thinking about “so what next?”

we though that after all that, we’d find where we were needed. that we’d finally find our place.

but life isn’t that simple, isn’t it?

we just ought to give up, right? we thought about it more than once, and i almost gave in to the urge to just run away.

but you wouldn’t allow that, wouldn’t you?

you decided that no matter how chained we may be we will shed our constraints, someday. you decided that you will fight for your place in this world.

you stood tall, and wore your armor. it didn’t matter if that armor was your favorite pair of shoes or the pins you put on your bag.

it didn’t matter if your armor was the fact you mustered up the strength to get up from bed.

i met a soldier.

i met someone who refused to wave a white flag

you always smelled like coffee, working at a small cafe your friend offered you to work for. even when the money ran short, you smiled. saying you were right where you wanted to be, in the place where so many different people’s lives intersected. in a quiet corner of the world they can find solace, freely.

you said you felt right at home, surrounded by the scent of roasted beans and the rain of those who have been the sunshine for too long.

i met someone who wanted to silently say to those who want to rest, “it’s okay, you can hide here for a little bit”

i met someone who felt like home

we started looking at each other a little more closely. you noticed how my eyes shone when we passed my favorite store, and i found that small scar from a wound you got before i knew you. before i loved you.

we weren’t a fairytale love, and honestly, i’m just fine with that. we had cereal for dinner, and danced in our cramped apartment. we’d sit on the couch watching a movie, finding comfort in each other’s arms.

you knew my coffee order, knew how i like it with extra ice. knew how my favorite sweater has holes for thumbs that weren’t there when i bought it. you knew i don’t feel safe without hugging something, someone, when i sleep. you know what cake i like for my birthday, and that the second dessert should always be a drink.

to be loved is to be known.

i met someone who knew me, closer than ever before

the rings on our fingers are often gentle reminders of the promises we made a long time ago.

“we’ll be okay” and “we’ll find our place”

we’re okay, aren’t we?

i see that steady love in your eyes, see the slow disappearance of the tension hidden in your shoulders, see compassion pouring through every action you take, and i allow myself to think we’re okay.

i feel the warmth in your arms that i couldn’t find in anyone else, feel the unsaid words through the familiarity of your hold, feel the gentle weight of the gaze that you only use with me, and i allow myself to think:

my place is wherever you are

i met someone who holds me with kind words and soft hands,

loves me with longing eyes and an assured smile,

keeps me with quiet promises and familiar actions,

sees me with unconditional wonder and star-filled love.

i met you.

you.

how many times have i met you?

enough to love you.

hands so tired, always seeking

milky way eyes and supernovae soul

you reach out carefully, with laughter and with love

i haven’t forgotten your song

the sky is far, but you seem so close

i haven’t seen the constellations in so long

star child, will you help me stay strong?

this war i find myself in isn’t kind

foreign colors greet my eyes

star child, i miss your shine

sparkling white in my darkest nights

every night, i’ve whispered to the moon

a plead to let me dream of you

falling stars and paper hearts

a quiet promise to not fall apart

star child, to you i finally say hello

so much time has passed, the sun finally hangs low

but our promise stands true

star child, i have waited so long to be with you

blaring lights and meaningless walks

everything’s too loud

tension like a jack in a box being wound

the air is suffocating

it’s terrifying the way my thoughts never take to complying

when i say i want to be someone else,

i meant it, in this i have no lies to tell

the day i feared all this time

the day when tragedy and today intertwine

the moment when all that’s left is to resign

to the unsaid words and tears that refuse to dry

the second the anger fades the helplessness

and gone is hopeless dream of true happiness

the truth is slowly sinking in

that the day, moment, and second that i’ve been dreading

happened a long time ago

back when i was still grasping

the train of thought

that maybe there won’t be a happy ending

love me like im what mends you

love me like im what breaks you

hold me like im something you cannot find anywhere else

hold me like im leaving

underneath your hands i unravel

bring forth what parts of me ive buried deep

im layers upon layers of what ive sacrificed

bring forth what once was me

feel the cracks in my spine and the scars in my heart

within them bloom your flowers

i am a broken piece of pottery

do not mold me, hold my pieces and with them find me

love me hard, hard, hard

love me true

but i will, someday

or underneath this night, are you all alone?

tell me, is your path set in stone,

or does the wildflower live in your soul?

do you have somewhere to be?

or does the restless sea lie in thee?

are you rooted deep in thorny soil,

or are you running far from those who wish you toil?

dear traveler, where is home?

here, there, or somewhere in between?

those scars on your feet hold stories i’ve yet to see

but when you find your way, promise you’ll remember me

we think of falling, down into deep blue depths

we think of burning wax streaking across his back

of scattered feathers flying through the wind

we think of his ignorance

of his father’s grief

we think of his tragedy

we think of his death

but what we don’t think of is how he flew

how he leaped into the sky like a caged bird flying free

how he soared up, up, up

up into the freedom he waited so long to reach

we don’t think of how he saw the sky and saw his peace

how he looked up and found somewhere to be

how he reached so far

and touched fire with his calloused fingertips, filled with scars

we don’t think of how for a moment

he had grasped his dream

we don’t think about how at the moment he was free

he touched the sun and the sea

because before Icarus had wax tracing painful paths across his skin

before the feathers on his back leaved his fingertips like a sweet goodbye

before his tears blurred out the sun , Icarus flew

and we don’t think about how for a moment, Apollo knew him too

and Icarus fell, of course he did

and his father grieved his fall

but as the ocean allowed him rest

Icarus believed, that the land, skies, and sea finally knew him too

i understood what the poets meant

but i still wish you chose me

how does it feel to fall?

shooting star, you've come so far

how does it feel to burn?

no message from the universe had been sent

no red string of fate connected us

no bond from the start of time decided our meeting

it was raining that day,

the harsh heat of coffee unforgivingly seeping through my clothes

let the touch of your fingertips be what makes me ignite

i would let your hands hover above my bones and be grateful you have no wish to break them

i would let your lips ghost over mine and be thankful they are not forecful

cradle the back of my head for i am fragile

hold my heart for i may disappear

rest your forehead on mine and with me leave your secrets

rest your eyes, my love, i am here

so that even in death you will be what gives me life

we stood underneath that same old oak tree

and he held my waist the same way he did that summer

he placed his head on my shoulder the same way we remember

i wrapped my hands around him the way my fading memories could piece together

i stood close and listened to his heartbeat, and it felt like forever

that old memory

exists now

it exists forever

it feels like something really, really close to eternity

what happens when there is no one left to save?

and at the back of their mind, a whisper answered

then you start saving yourself.