A really good point that you made in your narrative “Chloe Speaks Up” is the way you showed how cowardly Chloe was in the beginning in which you showed her thoughts very vividly shown. My favorite thought that Chloe had was “I wish I was homeschooled” That really shows how much of a coward she was being for not wanting to socialize with anyone at school. With this thought I feel like I really know what Chloe is going through. Another thing that I was really fond of was the part where you described what Nicolet and Lily and what they like to wear and what there style is like. The reason I really like this is because of how important this is in the end. So, with the description I feel like I am apart of the narrative. However a suggestion I can offer is to let the reader know the title of the story because of course you shouldn’t put the whole thing that they wrote in your narrative. But I suggest doing this because, the reader won’t be reading chloe nicolet and lily’s writing piece. Maybe the reader can get a glimpse of what the narrative might be about. Besides that, I love your piece!

 I looooooooooooooove your background on your site! Now let's get back to your story.

I really enjoyed all of the show not tell moments that you had i your story like when you said it's raining cats and dogs out there that helped me visualize how hard it was raining outside! I also enjoyed how you put the dashes when Chloe was talking. That was great because i now when someone is talking and they sound like that you understand that they and nervous and scared. Now my wish is maybe not to use the expression butterflies in my stomach has much as you did! Don't get me wrong i love that expression but i think you may have overused it just a little to much.  Overall i loved your story, you are a great writer.

        ~your friend MacKenzie

I loved your story one thing I think you did well is using elements and situations that people can relate to in real life! Another amazing thing that you did was building up each character every time you added a character there was so much description that I pictured exactly what they looked like. A suggestion I have is throughout your story i could picture characters and some places but I think you could add more description on the place with something like she walked down the stairs or her big blue front porch that way you can change walking out the door to something that benefits the big picture of the setting

                           

       Great job

                      Maddy