I've never seen someone quite like Viv okay? This girl- god, where do I start? Okay so, she's one of those friends that you see something, anything, and you think of them. You sit there and start bouncing off these ideas and notions about them with this lazy grin on your face, 'cause you can only imagine what's going on. what's she gonna do today? how will she just flick her hair and boom, you're smiling. This girl is so precious, she deserves spa days every day. Just to lay in a chair and let everything soak and think beautiful creations and oh God don't get me started. Her rps? Even her rp dumps? They're so different from ALL rps I see. No shade here, just the truth. She has this feeling about her that draws you in? This feeling that she throws herself into it and is so passionate and THAT'S how a rp survives - take notes (actuallydontcauseviviseverylastingandcantbecopied) anyway. BUT her rps aren't a place where user chasers go, no. They ARE intricate but managed in the right way. I can remember so many of the quirks she's had up her pretty little sleeve and how she runs things, how her mind plays beautifully and colorful and makes these events that keep you on your toes. Not to mention ..

She's sweet. She is beyond sweet, especially to me. How many times have I figuratively laid my head on her lap and asked just for some comfort? She is literally the sibling I always wanted and I may be at a point where i no longer have favorite persons, but hell, she is my special person. I'll be by her through thick and thin. Boy i am her ride or die- nah nah ride AND die we going out in style. To me she is, at least. 

Wow i got gross in the morning Just

viv youre brilliant and i love you and you deserve the world you glittery piece of rabbit food

You're strong, just like everyone says, but don't be afraid to let us hold you, to have that little bit of weakness, 'cause lord knows. sometimes you need to be carried once in a while. It isn't about old viv, and new viv, because viv is all viv, viv is still there. Passion fueled, and starry eyed - maybe not in the same things, but she's still there, she's still you. Sometimes, it's hard to find that interest in people, especially after so many have taken your trust, Old Viv's trust, her adoration, her love, and squandered it, sometimes it's hard when you've become jaded - but that doesn't make you a bitch. What i find as helpful, because I honestly can't find interest in most people, is that one, that one, little similar connection I have with them - music, people, outside of kpop, sports, anything, and i try to let it flourish, just so i can talk to them for a little, to be enamored in what they do, their life. To me, you're everything; a best friend I can talk to, whenever, where ever, someone that will be there for me, and fuck, someone that understands even a semblance of what I may be feeling, and I'll always be there to do the same for you.
It isn't about being a bitch, being hard, being mean, turning people away - it's about that crippling dislike for people that suddenly cling to you, and make you afraid, because people like that hurt old viv, and you don't want to feel like that again.
You're allowed to take things slow, baby steps, baby girl, because sometimes, after some things happen, it becomes a slower process. Old viv is still there, just behind a lot of walls, and wrapped in a big blanket that no one that isn't worthy is allowed to touch. that doesn't make you 'elitist', or a bitch, it just makes you more guarded
and being guarded is ok
protecting yourself is okay

look at all of these people flooding your comments, okay? lots of people love you, and you’re literally the sweetest person in all of existence. ngl i’m a high school senior this year, and as i’ve been applying to colleges and stuff, you’ve entered my mind as someone who has succeeded, and i’ve been wanting to be like you. although i’m sad we don’t talk regularly anymore, when we rped together as daehyun and jongup last year was really special to me. you helped me through a really tough time, and i hope i’ll be able to do the same for you. i hope i can be as amazingly kind and graceful as you someday. thank you so much.

don't really know old viv, but like min said it's not wrong to protect yourself.
i know i have personally down it and i think i'm happier now than before. 
having a small world is nice. 
there only a handful of people i care about now and i love it. 
it's nice to know who really cares about you and who you really care about.
don't think you're a bitch or a bad person because you keep your world small.
and even if people do think you're a bitch, i'm at that point where i'm like i don't care what you think about me.
you still have all these people on your team, all these people that love you.
if you feel like you have done something wrong, apologize. nobody ever became smaller from apologizing. however, after that, forgive yourself. 
we can't change the past, but we can have a brighter future.
relax. deeps breaths.

wAIT"WAIT
WAIT
WAIT
WAIT
O NE FUCKING
S ECOND
IM
WAIT
I JUST CAME HOME FROM DANCE Wait
ONEHOT
FUKING
SEcOND
GET YOUR ass oVER HERE
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
I wanT TO POP THEHJVHK HE CK
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
IM SHAKING
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
dO YU WANT ME TO
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
I"VE LOST IT
habanero 4 hours ago Reply Replies 
dO YOU WANT ME TO SIT MY ASS HERE and TElL YOU HOW WON DERUFSKLJ YOU ARE BECAISE BITHC I WILL
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
eXcuSE HTIS UGLINESS AND SPAM BUT IM WOKE AND FULL OF SUGAR
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
IM LIKE SO CONFUSED
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
yOU???? ?? ? ?
habanero 4 hours ago Reply Replies 
scrams into pillow
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
I can't even
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
I'm so shOOK I CNA"tEVEN SAT WHAT I WNATA SAY
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
but TL;DR of what I wanna say for now;;;;;;; I love you
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
unconditionally,,,
habanero 4 hours ago Reply Replies 
sheepishly but with prode
habanero 4 hours ago Reply 
ok I need to stop for now I'm embarrassing myself

well dove that’s the thing of being human. we aren’t consistent, even with ourselves. we evolve, we learn and often the truth of our reality is a harsh remainder that the comfortable views we’ve once had in our younger years were naught else but a blindfold. in such a moment, we question ourselves, we ask who changed, what initiated it and if we were better off as we once were; the answer is everything and no. you cannot protect yourself or anyone else from being hurt or hurting others, we give and we take, we are kind and cruel, humans are not inherently good or bad, we make our decisions and we can only stand by them rather than cower away and hide in remorse or unwillingness to face the consequence. we forgive, but we never forget. you are not just a creator of rps, no more than you are a bad person; you’ve made your errs, you’ve hurt and you’ve been hurt, you forgive and have been forgiven. breathe. do not let your heart or mind be burdened by demons that pursue you. breathe, love. the world cannot change you, only you can decide who you are and who you will become.

babe you need to breathe, first of all people don't change, they never change, or when they do it's only because they want to change, only because they're making a conscious effort to change, there is no old viv there is no new viv you are viv and viv is you. you can bring all that back, with a jaded perspective it may be hard but it's still you.

you are whoever you want to be.

you can become whoever you want to be.

all it takes is a little self consciousness and effort.

don't let anyone change you or tell you who you are is wrong unless it's yourself and with effort you can be who you want to be.

sorry the last bit was tangental but fuck my ex yo jk we weren't even dating but FUCK THAT BOIIII jk but also eye emojis

you’re no different from who you were before - you are silly, you are naive, you are that old viv under all these guards and barriers put up. the current viv deconstructed is essentially a very deeply hurt viv - you were so friendly and you let in SO many people. a select few took stabs at you and you became (rightfully so) guarded. 

you’ve adapted to the few times you’ve been hurt really bad but remember you have your good days too my dear. you have days where you can laugh and smile and flutter those lashes that frame those beautiful eyes. you have those days where you wear a rocking lip color, your chin is up and its e u p h o r i c. 

i know how hard days like these hit and please dont forget the good days. remember, you’re young and you’re a work in progress. we all are. times like these MEAN WE CAN CHANGE - it can be for the good or the bad but i think, because you realized this change in you, you have the ability to slowly brace the good. give yourself that time. let your frustrations out productively (work, writing, plots, art, a new hobby) and let time smooth the thorns you’ve grown accustomed to having. 

its all about balance, and you’re gonna find it. you’ve got such a bright mind and such tenacity—you dont have to hold your head high now, baby, just slowly take time for yourself until you can hold it high again.

people come and go. some return, and some don't. some are a warm memory, whilst others turned into literal scars. and it's okay to feel scared after those experiences, of being hurt again, backstabbed or left behind-- it's okay to try and eschew that from ever happening again by becoming more cautious and restraining yourself. we all were there, or eventually will get there; at this point, people chose to stay surrounded by their walls, OR they try their best to break them. and you, my dearest, are the latter. you chose to chase the light in your darkest moments, you chose to call out for help, and i'm so fucking proud of you for doing that. there is no old viv, no present viv, no future viv-- there's only you, yourself, that you need to pursue within your heart. you haven't changed, you're still the starry eyed, dumb, ethereal person that you've always been. take deep breaths, and small steps. don't rush yourself, and know that if you ever trip or are about to fall, i'll be there to catch you and set you right back onto your feet-- i will be right beside you, and not just me, but so many others who adore you, who ache when you do, who want you to claim all the happiness in the world that you so rightfully deserve.
there's this one song that came right into my mind when i read this-- recovery by james arthur (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9DO3zpdWqw). it's utterly empowering, and relatable whenever it feels like myself's vanishing from my own grasp.
how tf do i end this s dfghASDjkl--- i--
i love you. /y o U/. < 3

I can't even say a good or two shots because I'm already what you were "the old one" and I don't think it's wrong of me to protect ourselves for we suffered from something thE left us shattered to send extent. I won't spout out optimistic shit because life is hard and lonesome for the most part. Searching for the right one is like finding something in the sand. Jesus, I sound so depressing. Aside that, don't think you were wrong or you are wrong as of now. you're not perfect -- you'll learn the way of life even when you're on your death bed. The growth is forever. What matters is, your experience and your better judgement of characters and who you let in and how you appreciate who matters tbvh. Past KS past. Future is unknown. Love the present you have. Live like the happiest peasant you are and work your way to top (๑・v・๑)<3

Takes in a deep breath

Yes I'm late I know-

Look baby doll I love you so much, and I can say now there will be times in your life were there will be dents In your armour, surrounding yourself with people who can help even those dents out or even having the belief you can do it is so important, I know how tough you can be I've seen it with my own two eyes, god you are stronger than me,.

I want you to remember that you will always have some special people holding on to you. I didn't know you back then but I definitely know you now, you are a young hard working woman who does above and beyond in everything that you do.

If I have to give you cpr I mean I will gives me an excuse to kiss them lips okno..
-failed attempts at humour-

If you ever begin to feel stressed, overwhelmed just remember to take slow deep breaths, in through the nose a slow inhale keep you mind on your breath and soon just breath out through your mouth, feeling that tension slowly slip away like the breath you just made and then back in through the nose, don't think about anything but your breath and then release once more.

I honestly think mindfulness might work xxoo I can give you some links and ideas if you want but if not it's okay <3 but please know I love you, I believe in you and that you are absolutely amazing bbu

i'm supposed to be on hiatus, and i don't even know why i'm commenting because i have no idea what to say other than you probably can't go back - but you can go forward. instead of striving to return to this "old viv" take the steps to make a new one, and the you now will become another in a long line of "old vivs." i'm sure others have said this already, but people change, it's what we do. we're not static characters made for comic relief in a daytime soap opera. i think...you're supposed to allow yourself to evolve and change shape, and yeah, you'll have a couple rough patches like this, but who's to say you're gonna be the same in a year? five years? ten years? it's gonna be shitty waiting for that "ultimate change," and you probably wouldn't even realize it, but someday, you're gonna look back and realize that things are different, and while you can't change what's happening now, you can build upon it. i dunno. kittens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6DW4i-mfbA

we came from the same tea leaf, ground, bagged, and brewed into the same pither of tea
set out in the sun
and made into real
southern
sunshine tea