Dear First Love, 

I never thought I would see the day where I would have to get closure in a letter but I would just like to thank you for all you have done for me. You have literally been my rock, my peace, my roll dawg, and my best friend all rolled in one. Nobody really understands the love I have for you but me, I can write a book about us. We’ve been through so much together and you are the reason I am slightly sane as of right now. You will forever and always be my first love and I appreciate tf out of you. Since the first day you came into my life I’ve been astonished that someone like you still exists. Before, I was so scared to fall in love with you but you made me so comfortable that it ended up happening anyways. When I'm with you, I feel like the only girl in the world. You treat me like a princess, you know I’ve been hurt before and you’ve healed my wounds but ended up opening them up again. It’s like when we’re together every piece of me is so light that I can drift from one cloud to another without ever coming down. You used to be the reason I smiled when I had the most shitty day in the universe. You were my everything. I put you before anything and everything, you were my light in the darkness. I don’t know what life is without you in it but I have to learn. I’ll try to let time heal me. I’ll fall back eventually. Fall back into myself. Maybe I’m overreacting to the situation but if I feel like I deserve better then thats what has to happen. I gave you my everything and you still found a way to fit someone else in the picture. It doesn’t matter anymore because you won, I’m done fighting this battle with you. I hope she treats you the way I always did. You will always be my best friend, the one I turn to but a person can only take so much. I am not perfect, I admit I did you wrong and did some things I regret and I’m not proud of but I cannot turn back time and do things differently. We only have the future and you picked your poison. My heart is breaking without you, but with you it is shattered. I feel you slowly drifting away from me and it’s tearing me to pieces. You know I don’t depend on nothing or nobody but with you, I depended on you to make me happy. Depended on you to keep me sane, and it’s my fault I made you feel like I needed you. You were really the realist, I think your pride was just in the way. I love you with everything in me. The love I have for you is never ending but I did you wrong, you did me wrong no matter what you do, no matter what you say, just remember I’ve always been there for you through any and everything, I was your protector and I always will be. I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for loving me when nobody else didn’t.

            -Aniya💜

I believe in equality in the music industry between genders.

For years upon years, women in every generation have wondered when they will be equal. Equal to half of the word WOMEN. Men. I can’t speak for most of the women of my generation, especially the women in the music industry but I can speak for myself. Throughout the 2000’s, inequality in the music business has lowered and we have gotten a chance to get out there but it’s still not enough. We are still not HEARD. We have been getting taken as a JOKE and its getting annoying. We’re getting fed up with the bullsh*t. It’s only a certain amount of  nonsense a person can take and we’re at our maximum. The music industry is male dominated. The perception of women is highly stereotypical, sexualized, and without skill. Until those core beliefs are altered, women will continue to face a roadblock as they navigate their careers. Once again this year we see a lack of female voices in popular music, however, one positive finding is that of the female performers in 2018, 73 percent were women of color. This seven-year high point reveals that the music industry is including women of color in ways that other forms of entertainment are not.

Where I’m From

Asking me where i’m from

Is like asking a history teacher

What is the equation for PI

It's going to take them a long time to answer

Mainly because it's not a specific question to answer

Two answers will work depending on how in depth you want to go

Where am I from? 

I’m from a city in which George Washington had his first military victory

From a city where it used to be safe to walk down the street at all hours of the day 

From a city where kids don’t live to see their 16th birthday

Sad, but it's true.

It’s the ugly truth of Trenton.

Left and right, it’s another funeral for a baby.

Teenagers that didn’t even get a chance to live their lives.

It’s a blessing people even live to see 21

Because in this generation you don’t last that long on Earth

Mama said it was never like this when she was growing up

She said “Aniya has experienced more death in her 17 years of living

Than I have in my 33 years of being here”

And her heart broke for me 

Knowing that I be with these people every weekend, and they’re not just my friend they're family.

And also knowing the risks of me being there hurts her too

Never knowing when she’ll get that call

That I’m either dead or in the hospital

Because I was in the wrong place

At the wrong time 

And they hit the wrong target

Just like Ciony.

Bullets have no name

But will take out anybody with one.

Unique Anderson.

Taequan Ellerbe.

Tashaughn Robinson.

Kyler Bragg.

Kuyler Fowler.

James Austin.

Jah’Vae Minney.

Jahday Twisdale.

Devahje Bing.

Maurice Wimbush-Jalaah.

Shaela Johnson. 

All from different hoods with one thing in common;

Their lives were taken by a senseless act of gun violence and did not make it to see 21.

Sad, but it's true indeed.

Crazy thing is, most of the people I named were friends of mine

So yeah, when people tell me I'm heartless I have a reason to be.

It’s because of where I'm from.

The heartless city of Trenton.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

Personally, I like to live on the edge and think about the consequences later because its fun. You only have one life to live so why not live it to your full potential? Why not make your life worth living? You only live once, it's time to make others jealous because it's no reason you should be SCARED to do something, what can go wrong? I mean a lot can go wrong but it's also a possibility that whatever you’re doing can ACTUALLY go like you want it to. This motto is what I live by. If someone texts me and asks me if they should send a risky text or they’re scared to do something and are overthinking the outcome, my response is always the same; you never know what will happen if you DON’T DO IT! If you don’t, you’ll regret it in the long run but if you do and it doesn’t go as planned then you know you have to take another route to get to the results that you need. Sometimes though, I hesitate to do a certain thing because it will more than likely jeopardize the way people view me or my image because that is a big part of me and how I move in this cold but glittery world of mine. For example, a couple days ago I was debating on if I should respond back to this boy I’ve known since kindergarten and I was sitting there for a good 5 minutes before I actually said “what could go wrong?” and went along with it. This has always been the case, though. I have always been rebellious and almost always thought about the consequences of my actions later. Either that or I would imagine the consequences but still do it because… well there is no reason I just felt like doing it. Learn as if you were to live forever would relate to me because its self explanatory; let life be the reason you are living.  Learning is not something you get bored of, rather it is something you take in. The words “die tomorrow” and “live forever” to allow people to pretend there is no tomorrow and that you should do what you always wanted in life and living forever is the opportunity to learn throughout the years you live. You will never run out of things to learn if you were to live forever.  Imagine what would happen if you lived everyday like it was your last day on earth. The meaning of everything in your world would drastically enrich. To learn that we don’t need to be governed by our fears and anxieties and to live without worry or regret; to make the jumps and leaps of faith that we have been pushing off for all too long.

If you REALLY knew me

If you really knew me, 

you would know that

I put other peoples well-being

 before mine.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I’m worth every headache

I give a nigga.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I try to heal someones broken heart

And ended up breaking mine.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I take my education 

VERY SERIOUSLY!

If you really knew me,

You would know that

If you tell me a secret

Nobody else will know about it

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I require ALLLL of your attention

Not just some of it.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

Ima treat a nigga how he treats me

And I’m not letting up.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I’m going to be as solid as I can 

Until my heart stops.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

My plans for my future has been

The same since I was a kid.

And it's not changing.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I will fake a smile any day

You’ll never see me break.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I get frustrated 

When things don’t go my way.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I give props when they’re due.

I’m not on any hating bullshit.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I’m one of the realist friends

My friends ever had.

I’m gonna tell it how it is.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I’m super bold

I’ll do anything I want.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I hide my feelings very well

And cry about it later.

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I’m so used to being alone

It doesn't even bother me anymore

If you really knew me,

You would know that

I will never regret the amount of love

I gave someone because

They probably needed it.