We will be moving and discussing through isolations, by the end of class everyone will move to champagne coast by blood orange!

Isolations are moving one part of the body while trying to keep the rest completely still, to accentuate and showcase the movement in that one part. Typically done in a jazz or contemporary technique class, we will move past those bounds of technique towards self expression! As a group, we will warm up by performing for each other, free of judgment, and learn to isolate through teaching the muscles as well as musicality. 

We will also discuss the polarities within the body. Life is about polarities, existence is acknowledging our being is polar and dichotomous. Moving in and out of parallels, being contradictory, engaging the body while knowing this!!

NOTAFLOF!!!!!!

Watched the multicam vid of my thesis without turning away and confronting the feelings I had around improving my thesis

More dance yet more specific moments without it, closer together could help with that, or using my space, maybe going closer to ladder

The specifity is rly good !! I guess  didn’t want to be specific at first, it does hurt after all the years of being flighty and unspecific 

Lyrics to matter to me, the sounds, the spacing and timing, more thoughts on it more more more clear

Exactly what it looked like

Well the next time a stranger kisses me on the head, or someone I trust coerces me, a coworker disrespects me and corners me, or I’m considering killing myself, I’ll give you a call so you can add your two cents on why I should suffer just that much more at the hands of my own choices (bc all of it’s my fault anyways)

Snotbrain

Booger fart

BoyBoy3

Shoshibot

Dj shussh

Dj lil Awesomeguy

Soap bar/soapy/barsoap

Like if I don’t slow it down sometimes so the pulsing is all I hear and feel I jus can’t live

Like I haven’t been living or breathing I keep forgetting

Dont gokissing me on the head penis you deserve the guillotine including me bc I have a shoshinis shishi penis shosh nis 

You don’t seem like yourself today baby

Girl go put the meat back in the walk in and do your damb job da fuck

You don’t KNOW ME

Waittttttt also my eyes hurt so maybe I saw god too much in dreams, yk the dream where my childhood friend CANCELED me

And then the one where I stabbed my roommate bc she pranked me

The bubble machine stealer isn’t real he can’t hurt you and 

One beer WILL heart you hurt you

Omfgmggmmgmg crunchyyy

My personality has been tied to these dam bangs for four fuckinf ywars

I have opened the space for you to cut ur hair (if I haven’t already say “I now open the space for you to cut ur own hair or have someone else cut it for u”)

We are more thang bangs !!!!!!!!!

We are more than reaching our hairy youngins to wax their lip!! 

How do we know when we’re playing and when  we’re fo real, I’m fo real player 

A clod of earth 

Bad stand up jokes, include embarrassing stories about puberty as I celebrate second puberty, sound a bell with each new phase and start off with the stand up jokes to ease into the surreal ness of inviting people over to shave ur head

Meal style like Passover, taking themes from Purim Passover and Easter 

Give slips to ppl telling them if their Judas/haman or not (have to give to Sean) Judas/haman gets to take shave

Easter basket filled with something weird

I wish I could include Ramadan but sadly neither me nor sol have experience with the holiday, here is a statement reminding all that we wish we could have included it and its importance in this satirical performance/discussion/piece

Mirror from bedroom

After a night so cold

Yellow toes in Christmas socks

I broke my zipper in my sleep

Breaking up cove oh no!

Feeling like a twink boo hoo

drunk in bk

Yesterday was a week actually 

A week from such a triggering day, family seeing each other again after a long time and much feeling of contempt

I recounted the events to my therapist and found myself grasping for air, pushing the words out like the vomit that I wishedi didn’t push down, that I should let out

Its hard enough to even feel let alone speak, speaking I’ve worked on for years yet neglected the feelings part, turned it into a codified skill a targeted attack channeled through mazes I built to hide that I’m rly jus sad and pretend that it’s cool and that my words didn’t travel through years of telling myself to shut the fuck up

My stomach jus got so bad again which is trggieng a lot for me, all of the eating and stomach problems that came from those family dinners, land mines mindlessly placed by each adult at that table to make you feel jus the right amount of hatred for yourself than you internalized it til the next time someone pushed me over the edge, til the next time the feeling made it out the maze of words til my cup runneth over I suppose I should say. Period, I’ll make this gramatically correct for you mommy cunt

So mad so upset so confused and sad frustrated and hopeless filled to the brim with feeling I’m so over out under behind beneath above

unfinished instagram post

Hearing of my grandmothers first stroke was terrifying, mid high school, I barely knew what it meant. Visiting her in the rehab facility for the first thanksgiving/ birthday post stroke was heavy. Every time after, the visits mimicked this same intensity first felt. They moved out their beloved home to a place better suited for my grandmothers needs. Most visits I remember her crying trying to communicate with us about her memories or just a contribution to the conversation. A stroke will do horrible things to a persons brain, I wished it had never happened to her. One visit, she asked me what show I liked st the moment and we watched the first episode of Euphoria. The comedy of it all, my grandmother and I sitting silently watching the most vulgar show I can think of! She didn’t care anyways , from what I remember I think she may have even drifted asleep. 

I grew scared of life, as well all did, the years following her first stroke. A woman we all loved deeply, sharp and stoic, great with numbers and a marvelous parent, her mental state diminished by her body’s attack on itself. Heartbreaking to see it happen to someone you love, but even more so, terrifying to imagine, what if that was me? We all take for granted how privileged we are to be able bodied able minded, society takes control of those who don’t fit that mold and still, toss them away! My grandfather, in the modest yet privileged state he lived in, wasn’t even able to get an aid until a year or so ago. No matter who we are, we will stride slowly towards the same fate my grandmother met. Unable to communicate just how miserable and in pain we are because our words have been taken from us, our bodies have been destroyed, and with that so is eveyrthing and everyone around us. 

With great disdain, I must bring up Israel, the place my grandparents met. They are part of this monstrosity filled society we live and work for. And my grandma is a perfect example of why it isn’t sustainable, we will never thrive as people under it. I grew up a Jewish young woman, just like her. I remember the pressure to marry Jewish, go on birthright, contribute to Jewish culture, give back even!!! This false idea of what Zionism has provided Jews for so long, being just another prank from white supremacy. In the end, we aren’t even safe!!!!!!!!! Holocaust survivors receive just as little support as the veterans who live on the streets and in squalor, yet again tossed aside for they serve no purpose towards capitalism. We should revolt. 

I am angry! I thought to myself at her funeral , you deserved so so much more. Survivor of both polio and uterine cancer, mother of three children, child of escaped Estonian immigrant whose family was murfered by anti semites. She should not have been described as the quiet wife in the shadow of her husband, her story deserved to be told just as much as her male counterparts. She was a person with worth, worth that diminished as such her cognitive abilities. Reflected in every interaction I had with her as a child, she may have spoken with me but I mostly remember times with my grandpa. He took the reins , his voice was CERTAINLY heard, his laughter echoed, his feelings lamented as he teary eyed explained his love for family. Where was she? Left to her devices, quietly struggling, until her body said no more, you should not live if you do not possess worth, society will deem you irrelevant anyways. 

I listened to a song I heard many years in a row at the Plays in the park showing of Joseph and tbe Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat my grandparents took us to in New Brunswick. any dream will do. Its lyrics moved me as a child and continue to move me now.  

Crash of drums flash of light their jacket is stolen, stage is emptied: solo

Beginning again, more disheveled less certain hesitant, dreaming to cope dreaming to escape, escaping won’t fix it all, only five space and time to learn

Crashing of drums and flashing of lights jacket stealing important

Colors fading in and out of complete darkness and sparkling bright lights

Lights dimming dreams crushing , waiting for the dreams to come true is jus like how you feel after you’ve chased that dream , chasing and chasing hope

The almighty dollar

Steve never left, don’t you see him

The light is dimming, may I return?

Big piano tall hands 

Feels like it could last forever but it never could have never will

Description:

"Blossoming In and Out" is a multi-sensory performance art piece that explores the journey of self-discovery, embracing uniqueness, and breaking free from the cocoon of conformity. The narrative is woven through dance, music, and visual elements, creating a surreal and thought-provoking experience for the audience.

Lights:

The lighting design transitions from the isolation of individual spotlights to vibrant, mixed colors representing self-expression and diversity. Floor lights symbolize the grounding of identity, while movie-inspired lighting sets the tone for different emotional landscapes.

Costumes:

Performers wear a mix of unconventional outfits, incorporating elements like giant comforters, funky hats, and symbolic accessories like crowns and goggles. Each costume reflects the journey of self-discovery and acceptance.

Music:

The eclectic soundtrack features "Urchin" by Arca, creating a dynamic atmosphere. The music shifts from energetic and playful tunes during moments of self-discovery to contemplative and ambient tracks during introspective scenes.

Movement Ideas:

Dancers engage in diverse movements, from partnering with unfamiliar dancers to dancing with earbuds, symbolizing the individuality of their experiences. The choreography includes elements like folded-up trans flags, symbolizing resilience, and a solo inspired by the vulnerability of coming out.

Ending Scene:

The performance concludes with a powerful group lift, symbolizing collective support. As one performer is slowly let down, others grieve in a tribal-like ritual, echoing the journey of self-discovery and transformation. The finale pays homage to the resilience and strength found in vulnerability.

Visual Elements:

Throughout the performance, visuals include snippets of scenes inspired by TikToks, micro photography of blood, and even moments of smashing a symbolic "Tony computer" with a baseball bat. These visuals serve as metaphors for breaking free from societal expectations and embracing individuality.

Narrative Thread:

The narrative weaves through moments of vulnerability, self-doubt, and ultimately self-acceptance. The incorporation of spoken word, inspired by the writing provided, adds depth to the performance, exploring the themes of visibility, uniqueness, and the desire to be seen authentically.

Overall, "Blossoming In and Out" invites the audience to contemplate the complexity of identity, the courage required to be authentic, and the celebration of diversity within the human experience.”

“"Blossoming In and Out" incorporates a structured and intricate movement vocabulary, emphasizing partnering moments to explore the dynamics of relationships and the complexity of self-discovery.

• Prologue: "Visible Fragments"

  • A solo dancer moves in fragmented patterns, symbolizing the struggle for visibility. As the dance unfolds, fragments gradually come together to form a coherent whole.

• Act I: "Duet of Identities"

  • The central ladder becomes a focal point for partnering duets. Each additional dancer engages in a duet with the ladder and another performer, symbolizing the intertwining of personal and external influences on identity.

• Interlude: "Mirror Duets"

  • Dancers engage in mirrored duets, using the reflective surface of the ladder. Partnering moments emphasize the dialogue between inner and outer selves, creating a visually captivating reflection.

• Act II: "Pas de Deux Metamorphosis"

  • The ballet solo on pointe transforms into pas de deux moments with partnering. The ladder serves as a partner, representing the challenges and support found in the journey of self-discovery.

• Midpoint: "Colliding Perspectives in Trio"

  • The six additional dancers engage in trio sequences, exploring the collision and harmony of perspectives. Partnering moments reveal the interconnectedness of identities within the group.

• Act III: "Collective Resilience Quartet"

  • The performance transitions into quartet sequences, emphasizing structured partnering moments that symbolize collective resilience. Dancers support each other, using the ladder as a shared anchor.

• Climax: "Ascending Unity Ensemble"

  • The entire ensemble engages in structured partnering, creating a dynamic sequence around the ladder. Lifts and intricate partnering moments emphasize unity and shared strength, visually portraying the complexity of self-acceptance.

• Finale: "Blooms of Connection"

  • The finale features a structured ensemble piece with moments of partnering. Dancers create visually stunning patterns, symbolizing the interconnectedness of individual journeys. The ladder becomes a central point for collective expression.

This structured approach to movement and partnering moments adds a layer of sophistication to "Blossoming In and Out," highlighting the intricacies of relationships, both with oneself and others, within the context of the journey towards authenticity”

“"Blossoming In and Out" embraces the complexity of technology, blurring the boundaries between reality and the virtual realm. The incorporation of augmented reality, holography, and artificial intelligence creates an avant-garde performance art piece that challenges perceptions and offers a truly immersive experience.”

My sister and I would endlessly run around and play in my grandparents basement too. It was cement black top sort of unfinished floor with strange lighting and tons of boxes of crap my grandma gathered from working at the local theatre. There were also tons of family photo albums and old clothes, yet it was organized pretty well. Probably thanks to my mom of course. My mom professionally organized during a majority of my early childhood, only occasionally did she do some work at inner city schools related to curriculum or some shit. Eventually she became a teacher when I was in middle school, detrimental to me really. 

I’ve always been extremely sensitive to academic pressure, being adhd as fuck. It’s not even that hard have adhd actually I just do what I want when I want and it’s extremely counterintuitive to the way an average school in north Jersey works. Even the so called progressive performing arts high school I was gleefully accepted to. But anyways, it was really tough when my mom became a teacher because of this lovely trait I possessed (incompetency in school)

Not only was it hard enough to be a student in the terms of completing work, but I had so much trouble socializing with ease. And of course my mother’s perception of her students didn’t translate when I needed support. She didn’t know how to work with me, I wanted to share but didn’t want advice, I was touchy but very mean, non communicative

Baby carrot

Just under 6 foot standing

Rotting ass

Consume me

Giddy with desire for your sticky skin

The sheen of handsome still shining through

No matter how little baths mommy has given you

Yea I’ll let you break my back while you almost pass out from the shower water

But the absence of hairbrushes and reciprocation will keep me

At a distance

Just enough

That the intimacy idles at puppy love

Scratch that

Break my back and pass out from steam

Yellow intimacy smoothing soothing 

Cut and dried like the tomatoes I’ll never taste

It’s easy to be in tune with their energy when it’s my weapon of choice

I’m so damn good at cleaning

Just me and some soap and my broom and we can do anything

We can clean whatever we want

I know when the bristles are exhausted 

I will sleep when it’s time to replace them with new

Life is about polarities existence is being polar and dichotomous 

Moving in and out of parallels 

Being contradictory

We are encouraged to be free but on it within terms set by contrasting structures of governing white people 

Doesn’t need to make sense

Person moving can be as slow or fast/ as dynamic or stagnant/ as technical or loose as needed!

Where are we? Set the scene

are we on earth? Are we on another planet?

Are we in the same universe?

What color is the sky? Is it day or night?

Are there trees around? Build the landscape 

Who is the being we are observing? Come up with a name

How many legs/ arms/ eyes/ hands/ feet/ heads do they have? Keep it simple or make it extravagant 

Are they from here or are they visiting?

Why are they here? Do they have a family?

Are their friends here? WHO and why

What’s the story? Do they have plans for the day?start building a narrative 

Continue building the scene around them, include other characters if u want

What’s the climax of the story? What’s the end? Beginning middle and end, does it exist in ur writing/srawings? Is it non linear non narrative? Stubborn devotion to structure or complete abandon!? U decide

Nothing October!

Didn’t blissfully mean harshness

Cruelty was intent

Coarse coercion in the prairie 

Sissy henkshaw makes it known

How to know you are a boy

This happens when you have nothing to say 

How she perceived her impact on the ranch and how they think of sissy as someone who is so on top of stuff she can’t possibly be unhappy

Idk why this struck a chord with me maybe it was the way jellybean described the ranch “…spring sunshine I see my shadows against the grass and I swear that shadow extends far beyond…this world. It’s like my life is sparkling in every direction, through all of space and all of time. “

Her freedom and sense of unbreakable autonomy and love for womanhood, comemmorizing her time with someone she loves and admired deeply, even if not in a totally romantic way now but once held romantically

Just beautiful to think about how people have admired me and shared their love for me as of late 

I wish I was more capable of accepting it

I thin it’s bc I drain all of my joy into other people and wonder why they admire me so much when it’s because I do really give to everyone I do too much because I think everyone else deserves happiness but myself and Ik every time I acknowledge that I just get so so sad and don’t know what to do bc that’s been my issue for a while esp while living at home

Doll

Yk what I mean

😢 body hurts so much Wtf is wrong wit me I feel like I’m rly hungry maybe but like when I’m tired I’m not jus tired I’m sick and in pain and tired and it won’t go away and it’s unbearable and idk why no one else Ik feels this way bc I’m so so so sick feeling but I keep telling myself to stop reeLzikfn I’m feeling that way so I don’t have to leave my obligations behind 

Shadow play wit Olivia willow and Meg 

Dark lighting not well lit but u can see what u need to see

Versaille crawling to the light and commanding an end

Hesitation

Finishing what I started but without ease 

Ladders being superstitious and big thing in my life, climbing a ladder for photo stuff climbing social ladder

Music playing from other room

Different sound playing over sound speakers

Dancers jus going up and doing from the floor rolling up and accelerating down you watch them from the side on the ground

Occasionally over the speaker a glitch zap sound shocks everyone no matter where they are they fall to the ground then start over like nothing happened 

Pretend they’re marking some invisible combo and do the dancer thing when they need to move back to the other side of the room bc they’ve marked the combo into the wall and there’s no space anymore also marking like they know it and or they are truly learning it