GROW: Commas between the 'O Chimney's at the bottom would've made the reader's voice more effective.

Grow: I feel like more similes and more like, figures of speech would have made this poem even more intense,

Grow: Maybe adding more imagery can help us realize what EXACTLY is going on.

Grow:I think that you could use a little bit of similies or metaphors.

Glow: The contradiction that you make between lies and the truth keep me interested. Nice!

Grow: Make it more vivid, make the reader feel the passion.

Grow: A grow for me would be that the punctuation in some of the sentences feels out of place. Not sure if you were going for the rushed feeling, but it doesn't feel right at some point.

Grow: maybe use more imagery

GROW: A period at the end of the poem would've brought it to a nice finish, and commas between certain stanzas would have paced the reader.

GROW: However, I feel as if the principal theme is not wel developed and can only be truly identified by the title. It should be the other way around.

Grow: You should use more figurative language.

Grow: IDK. It seems very good to me. But... I really don't know.

Grow: I think that you could use different diction to be more precise on what you want to describe.

I like the repetition that you used to emphasize the awareness of these characters.

Grow:

Really pay attention to your word choice for instance "Feeling this passion can make us do noise" the wording makes it slightly confusing.

Grow: Maybe more sounds can help this be a better poem even though it's already good.

Grow-use Quotation marks or italicize your title. I feel like you can break some lines, so it's not stuffed

grow: redundant;

Grows: I guess you need to put similes

Grows: You can develop your ideas towards how the girl feels around other people. You can use that because it will make it more specific of how different the girl is.

Grow: You could of used more figurative language.

GROW: The idea was not well developed and lacked clarification. In other words, the poem was too short thus not able to be interpreted to its full effect.

Grow: At the end "I jumped" you should add more connections to that phrase.

Glow: The poem flows very well when be read aloud. Great word choice girl!

GROW:

Grows: maybe use more imagery to really make the reader see whats going on.

Grow: With that being said, you need to fix up your punctuation and add a bit to the imagery. I know what their doing and how you are feeli

Grow: I think you use the word ''

Grow: I don't really understand the theme you're trying to get through to the reader.

Glow: Maybe using what we've learned in class, such as sound and ambiguity, would make this a better poem.

GROW: More onomatopoeia or sounds would have been interesting to see implemented.

I like how the reader feel for that character and experience them being for more time.

Grow:

Pay attention to your spelling and take your time to make sure that the poem is what you really want.

GROW: The structure seems too choppy as each line is relatively short. It could be compressed to create a better flow of lines.

Grow: I think adding more figurative language would help the poem flow better and let the reader wonder what are you really talking about.

BTW! i WAS THE ONE IN THE LIVING ROOM!

Grow: more sounds and more like comparisons such as similies and metaphors.

Grow: You should give out like a line or not give out but a hint to what you're tallking about

Grow: I am thoroughly confused on what the poems about. If you could focus the poem on a single subject maybe that would be easier to understand. Also there is some problem with your stanza, especially the first one. I don't know if each line is it's own stanza.

Grow: It's not clear if you know or do not know how important the rose is. You ignore it, but then you dont?

Glow: I want more details about what happened, but in a poetic syntax.

Grow- I think if you add more details on what's happening

Grows: Need to add more detail into the poem other than using questions. Like metaphor, simile, assonance, and such.

GROW: Punctuation (i.e. periods or commas) in the beginning of the poem would have made a humongous difference.

Glow: I think maybe just try to establish your tone a little bit more. Over all I loved your

Glow: The last stanza relates to the reader by including the word "we".

Grows: don't center it next time.

GROW: It seems as if it'd be more interested if the theme was narrower, what is it about that boring life that has the speaker to his/her end point.

Grow: Adding uniqueness as in the sounds that come together, try to take us on a "tongue journey" try to make us confused or have fun with it. It's a cute poem

Grows: Could use things that we learn in class like simile, metaphor,

Grows: You did nothing to develop your idea properly and there seems to be no purpose or centered idea to your poem.

I really like how your make the reader think about what the tone is and makes you think what the rose represents is it more than just a key and what holds in the next character.

Grow:

You should describe the rose is just a regular rose, is it just blooming or is it fully bloomed, is fully healthy or is it wiltering?

Grow: I think use more similes and metaphors in order to give a better idea of the image you're trying to get across.

Grows: You should give examples towards the memory that makes you value time.

GROW: Perhaps more use of rhetorical devices to portray your theme/idea.

G

Grow: A few grammatical errors in which can easily be fixed. Also would love to hear more of the voice of the speaker.

Grow: I think you should use more imagery because at the beginning it's confusing what's the meaning of that chimney, but it's not that bad.

Grow I guess you need to use alliterations or consonance and assonance.

Grows: talk more about that memorable moment or moments