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alifiaramadhina11 — 2022-03-06 00:22:28 UTC

Faqih, aku mau makasih banyak ya selalu sayangin aku, like i always mentioned before that i’ve never been so loved like this even myself, family, bestfriends. Also, i don’t care anymore where we met, dating apps, twitter, game, even biro jodoh, everywhere is a valid place to find a love, what matters is just how the two person try to love and work on each other. From now on idc what people say about dating someone from strangers, fuck it.

First, and again, i want to say sorry if these past months even since we dated i haven’t show you a proper expressions of how i love someone, that made you feel like i don’t give the same feedback or you’re onesided because i am actually really love you, all i did just pretend that i am not attached w/ u coz i am easily attached and if something happen it would be very hard for me to detach and work on myself alone. Turns out, i am getting more and more attached, i think it was because i am being denial of my feelings that i don’t want to get attached. This doesn’t mean that i don’t have any feelings for you, but it’s just the first timer me that doesn’t now how to express my feelings (u may alr realized this and i’m still learning to do so :< ).

I also wanna say sorry for minor things that i did that made you questioning my feelings and that obv messed up ur mind, ya aku sempet labil banget dalam hal kecil kayak hide-unhide playlist kita di spotify, archive-unarchive post & igs aku dan kamu di ig, or even sesimple pasang foto kamu/kita di header. Bukan karena aku gamau orang tau aku udah punya pacar, bukan karena aku ga bangga punya kamu, BUT, this reason sounds stupid but i really need to be clear and honest to you, i am afraid that if oneday bad things happen (naudzubillah) and then things must change like i must delete our memory and people would see me alone again and fragile me afraid that i’ll look desperate for love and affection. kayak ga make sense but aku kedengeran bgt terlalu haus validasi padahal orang” juga gaada yang peduli ya.

Now i’m still learning how to show my feelings and expression (dw, aku ga merasa terpressure kok, ini pure aku lakuin karena aku tulus dan pengen jadi better buat diriku sendiri dan kamu juga). Also i feel like the only one that cares for me itu cuma kamu, even sahabat & keluarga aku udah emotionally disconnected. (well i tried to work on it but turns out i got onesided and i realized that it’s not good to force things so just let the universe build me through these rough n shit phase so that i can grow). At the end of the day we’re all alone so i hope i can learn myself better and with you i can step forward with more support. You may see me as an amazing person but deep inside i'm just a person that always really really afraid to be alone so either i oftenly found myself pushing anyone or jump myself into a nonstopp works so that i forgot that i have problems. things i did yg kamu & orang" liat sebagai produktif itu punya alasan bagus, but the core reasons for all of those is the previous sentence.

Lho kok isi suratnya jd self centered :D...

Bubu, makasih banyak untuk sebulannyaa! aku seneng n happy bgt bisa spent time sama kamu, esp. those times where we stealing kisses in front of my house 🙈 gonna miss suara mobil motor mondar-mandir and the 11PM sneaking. Kayanya seberapa senengnya aku keliatan deh aku sampe naik 4 kilo mwehehe thanks loh! :3

To sum up, i really love you and don’t worry i’ll always have my feelings for you even when we’re apart, i believe there’s plenty way for us to meet again, LDR sounds and felt hard but let’s see the positive things of this! ☺️ there may be challenges for us either is it from u and me or external reasons but yea, as long as we have hopes, i believe things doesn’t as hard as we imagine.

Take care, kuat-kuat yaa! semangat ngajar & garap TAnya <3 jangan khawatir aku ga kemana-mana kok sama aja kaya sebulan kemarin, bedanya cuma beda wilayah dan kita masing" punya kesibukan. Semoga aku dan kamu sama-sama bisa jaga diri & hati yaaa 🙆‍♀️🤍

i love you and i'll always do! i am a fragile but u complete me, Faqih 🤍

buat bubuu! by Alifia Annisa

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