by mayari. by Laurèn Eloise https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari for all the void feelings and sentiments. en-us 2021-02-10 01:17:12 UTC 2023-11-10 15:18:19 UTC hello@padlet.com Blog post: "Pagsisisi" altschmerztic https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1185309833 "Nagsisisi ka bang minahal mo siya?"

Ngumiti ang dalaga, ngiti na may halong pait. 

"Hindi, pero nagsisisi akong hinayaan ko siyang mawala." 

Isa sa mga mahirap lagpasan ay ang Pagsisisi. Maihahalintulad mo ito sa isang tattoo na hindi matanggal-tanggal kahit anong gawin mo dahil permanente na itong nakaburda sa katawan mo.

Isang taon nang nakalipas, hindi pa rin ako pinapatahimik ng pagsisisi ko. 

Sana pinigilan na lang kita kaysa inuna ko ang galit. 

Sana mas inintindi muna kita kaysa sa nararamdaman ko. 

Sana, sana hindi na lang ako nagalit. 

Parang nakaukit na sa pagkatao ko ang pagsisisi na 'to, hindi mawala-wala kahit anong gawin ko. 

Oo, naging mabuting tao ako. 
Mas minahal ko na ang sarili ko. 
Mas nakakaya ko na ang mga bagay-bagay. 
Pero pagdating sa huli, babalik ang pagsisisi. 

Tanggap ko naman na, tanggap ko nang wala ka na. Alam kong hindi na kita mahal pero bakit umiiyak pa din ako dahil sa'yo? 

Simpleng sakit lang yung naramdaman ko sa naging crush ko bakit ikaw yung bumabalik? Okay na ako e. Okay na okay na. 

Putangina, you gave me a handful of memories na hindi ko malimutan. You gave me the kind of love na hindi na mahihigitan ng iba. 


]]> 2021-02-10 01:35:39 UTC https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1185309833 Blog post: "Eleven Fourty Three" altschmerztic https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1185381879 I remember the dream
That I had yesterday
Where unxpectedly, our paths finally met.
From exhanging formal conversation 
To hilarious banters, I gave in. 

Your laugh made me feel 
Alive again.
Your stories kept me 
Interested. 
And your company made me
Stay. 

Humorous, that's who you are, 
Not the boring type, you always painted
Without even knowing, 
I was slowly breaking down my walls. 
Willingly letting you in. 

Suddenly life was full of bliss. 
But that's when everything changed 

As I was ready to dived in 
To the possibility of us 

You showed me instability 
When I gave away vulnerability

Is this still the dream I once hoped? 
I closed my eyes 
Hoping it would stop 

I found myself stucked 
As the glistening orbs, opened
I heaved a sigh
And I realized 

that was just a dream 
And this is reality. 

We will never be together.

        -mayari. 

]]> 2021-02-10 02:20:58 UTC https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1185381879 A letter for Someone. altschmerztic https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1185501900 Dear you,


I know we are not talking right now — at least, I'm avoiding to have any forms of communication with you for the meantime.

I think this will be my final message for you that's why I decided to make a letter for you, para isang buhos.

When I first met you, I already find you attractive, pinakita ko pa nga yung first convo natin with my friends, Milan and Vic, and they confirmed that you are Rome of Méra.

To be honest, I was aware of everything but I am not involved with the past events so it is not my story to tell.

I was determined not to talk to you again. Akala ko kasi you're not nice but then our conversation escalated to a different level. You made me genuinely laugh again, that was the most genuine conversation and laughter I had after a year of grieving and suffering. Now you know why I treasure that memory so dearly.

Then I was waiting for your replies, little by little until I realized. I'm having a crush on you, ayoko pa nga aminin but nagpanic ako nung nagclose ka na. 

I am not expecting na isasama mo 'ko. I already mentally prepared myself na that would be the last time we will talk. It gave me hope when you brought me to your priv. 

But it also scares me too, I know kasi that once na magkacrush ako it's either mawawala or mas lalala, I guess the latter one worked. 

Slowly, I'm opening my heart for you. I was slowly facing my fears. All of the moments we shared was my first time after a year. That made me happy and scared. 

There's always a danger of getting to know someone, your feelings would intensify. Everything you do makes me adore you even more. 

I don't know if I'm still making sense but I just want to let everything out before it consumes me. 

Most importantly, I want you to know that I do not resent you in any forms. /g! I'm responsible for my own feelings and I respect your decision. 

Kaya good bye for now, I hope we can still be friends kapag okay na, kapag hindi na masakit makita ka. 

Thank you, Mattheus. 


Yours truly, 
Laurèn Eloise. ]]> 2021-02-10 03:50:35 UTC https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1185501900 HOME. altschmerztic https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1198103077

Nobody knows that 
She has a habit

A habit of making her 
Friends and Lover 
Her home. 

Now..

Her home is gone and 
She’s nowhere to be found. 

]]> 2021-02-12 19:55:32 UTC https://padlet.com/altschmerztic/bymayari/wish/1198103077