To end this here, here's the detail of the dream and story: "Crazy sweet dream where I think maybe based on reality?? This one asian girl drew like- 10 pony tail blue haired girls with yellow eyes and then my mind went “Ok they now 10 family members in a mafia and theres this academy in which the brothers sisters and cousins all go too, and they the craziest out of the other 3 families that run the academy. Fluffy bunny-like girl is super sweet and got put in da “Maroon” family, blue boy with blond hair (has a twin too) started having a crush on this sweet sweet oblivious and kind girl."

aight all done

dang it is super dark outside.....adventure time! I am going to get ice cream at Mizzica Gelateria & Cafe. BEST ICE CREAM PLACE!!! It tastes like actual creamy ice cream it's amazing, italian food made by italians are always 10 times better than anything else. The espresso ice cream is my favourite; actually if you go to google maps and scroll through the images and stuff I guarantee you will see my post (very first one on google maps).

Very excited for our other assignment other than this one! ART IS MY OPTION- I got so worried and drained just reading the first one but the SECOND ONE?? Remined me of my grade 12 creations, I was at my PEAK back then. Time to think of my inspiration and medium, paint or simple pencil/pen, comic book or just one portrait/landscape etc etc.

Ok I have nothing else to add yeyeyey oke done.

WAIIIT I REMEMBER!! My true thoughts about the therapy approaches and how to speak to a client: ever since last semester's course, my only thought was "if you're good at drama and like acting, you'd ace being a therapist". No seriously, if all you ask of me is to say specific sentences or questions etc, I will just turn into the perfect character whose role is to play the Therapist. I mean that's literally what I did in my role play assignment last semester. Ok that's all I wanted to get off my chest......except I just remembered another thing; I don't particularly believe in "the client knows best", I agree that the client will know their story best and the problems, and yes I will help them solve their problems they would like to focus on, but if I want to actually help them, I am not letting myself let them only care about their surface level problem I will try to guide them to take out their root they personally grew, out of trauma. I want to help them, and if they come to me then after they reach their limit, when they reached the end of what they know best of their story, that's when I'll step in and make sure I teach them carefully how to navigate their life on their rocky road....or maybe I just have a saviour's complex. Eh. Now i'm done getting everything off my chest. see ya next week!

I REMEMBER A PROJECT THATS COMING UP I AM SO GLAD THERE IS AN ART PROJECT- wow i am incredibly brain slurpy rn. Will think about something later but yeyeyey. This will prob be a very short update.

We ended up just talking about tea during the discussion lololol.

Huh- nvm the end of the class got really interesting, mostly cause we were talking about trauma and mindful vs mind full, our different experiences etc. It was really fun -w-

Also the whole "hear about trauma and make it your own" is such a real thing. And you sometimes do it unconsciously too! Happened to me when I thought I had all sorts of mental illnesses but all I needed was a 1-2 month break from my grade 10 friends to realize "No, I'm actually fine. Maybe on the spectrum but not mentally ill."

Daaaanngg- I wanted to sleep and probably could have, but now after a 20 min meditation relaxation I'm wide awake lolol. This usually happens after a small rest.

Muuuuusssiiiccc....and i ran out of things to say- oh right- my friken thROAT THAT JUST WON'T STOP BEING TICKLISH- I'm "sick", only symptom is coughing and das it- Ironically the last person in my family to get sick....even if they all got better 2 weeks ago- so either I got sick from something else or....delayed...i guess. Also mantra's don't really work at all for me, God has a plan for me and I prefer to be in reality when facing problems....even if i still avoid them slightly (more so coping). Anyways- i wanna go home TTwTT

Aight 3 things: Emotions feeling now, list what I'm grateful for and people I'm grateful for.

1. Neutral to happy ig, also tired. I'm usually a happy person so feeling peaceful- peaceful, yeah that's also a major emotion I feel daily. I am so glad I found God and am trying to reach his hand he has laid out for all of us from the moment we've been born.

2. I am grateful for everything, I mean- I have a home, good food on the table, a loving dysfunctional family, two parents who love me and my brother, music, my laptop and iPad and phone and any other device to play videogames etc.

3. Mami si tati, Toma (My lil bro), Jesus and God, My best friend since childhood, and my friend since elementary, whom we got re-connected.

This was for a mindfullness activity a group presented to us.

Dang we did a lot of them actually, drew Mash, Finn and Abel in chibi form on a piece of paper; also eyes, bunny, cream puff (sucuremu), Nabstablook and coffee jelly...I think- also r a i s i n. I now want raisins or chocolate raisins.

Why. WHY AND HOW DID I CHOKE TWO TIMES TODAY OVER NOTHING-.

no I had so many slide shows and documents, wow. I am a hoarder of memories so this hits me hard. Wow.......I am- yeesh.

I was close to crying (slightly) during my art therapy presentation, or that shake in my voice was just the typical thing that happens when I talk a long while in front of a crowd. Also felt weird as to why that happens, I'm not nervous when talking to a crowd...Is what I tell myself, but it's not a lie. Maybe my physical body is far more detached from my emotions than I though.

Welp- I really don't want to BS my way through entries I do want genuine need to create an entry, guess I have to shorten them up, one fore personal life the other for school.

Anyways, new project! Time to bring out my acting skills mweheheheheheheh. Ima be the picture perfect counsellor like last semester, all bc of ACTING!!! *dramatic pose* I still wanna be a counsellor, I'm too complicated to be the client...also because I am my own counsellor- glad for my therapist but she's only helped me talk out my thoughts because most of my friends are busy. If I didn't have her all my thought and hyper-fixations would have been bottled up until they got rusty lolol.

Luckily in grade 8 I was able to heal myself....and naïve me thought that would be the end of it; I believed that quite intently to the point where it took me in grade 12 for me to realize that in grade 11 I wasn't doing that well mentally.

Fast forward and I realize I haven't left behind or healed from my trauma from highschool and brought it with me during my first year in college, so, apologies for not doing my best TwT

IVE BEEN COMPLIMENTEEDD,

DADADADADAD

IM EMBERAASSEEDD-

IN A GOOD WAYYY"

Complimented Jingle by Maia AB.

Wow, so I don't know how to respond to compliments???? Also yeeeaahhh im still the extrovert molded into an introvert due to lack of friends 🥲. Only have 2 friends now and they're both childhood friends, and im still as awkward as every making new friends even though my "presentation mode" is screaming to everyone "HEY GUYS IM VERY FRIENDLY AND PASSIONATE! HOPE I MADE YA'LL LAUGH :D". So i think I need that one friend that will just not leave me alone and continues to badger me with hangouts bc I will always say yes, bc ik its good for me and that it'll be fun. But, obv, that maybe wont happen. "So then why dont I become that friend then?" haha....nope- too comfortable on my time alone, luckily not so alone anymore. God is always with me :D.

HAHAAAA- yeah sry the leaves floating by- dont want to do that, there are too many precious thoughts that bring me joy, too many scenarios that helped me get where I am today so I cannot let them go, I will make them and draw them so they can be apart of this reality as well. They won't go away, I will always think constantly, 24/7, and it's never a bother, as it is a constant movie to me and to God.

So I think I misunderstood- yeah i definitely misunderstood.

Anyways- I am surprisingly ok! Like- when i'm tired that usually makes me go all limp and slushy and all mamaliga. But ever since I got closer to God...wow.. The change is so evident it's amazing. The peace I feel now is sooooooo different to the peacefulness I felt in the past. Everything is ok. I completely believe that. Sure it's not all perfect, I stumble and continue to indulge in sin, and yet, my little effort of being vulnerable towards God, helped him move mountains for me. Thank you God for this peace I feel for the past week and forward. ^v^

Watch a bunch of high school boys who suck at everything, other than volleyball (like- 3 or 4 boys, everyone else is more normal), and watch their character development, their skill development, and your own development! As you grow to love one particular team, but then realize "oh no, THEY ARE ALL LOVABLE!!" So your mind is now plagued with with all these lovable idiots, and dorks alike, who have such a great ambition and passion for volleyball, that you can't help but cheer for everyone as you watch their matches! Don't have the low expectation that you won't get off your bed or couch just to jump and cheer for the main character and his team as they smash then volleyball into the other teams court!!

Ok I think I'm done with the advertisement but WATCH IT!! ITS ON NETFLIX! ALL FOUR SEASONS! Season 5, or the movie, isn't on Netflix unfortunately but EY! Illegal websites!

Anyways my favourite team is......ok it's very hard to pick a team they're all lovable but my favourite guy has to be Kita Shinsuke, second is Ushijima Wakatoshi, third is Kentaro Kyotani and forth is Kozume Kenma. As you can see, (When you watch or search them up) I have a type. More detailed: A guy who clearly been drowning in trauma is finally healing, or stoic lovable dork. HOWEVER! This is only towards fictional guys! Irl it's more so, "If I fall in love, I fall in love". Who knows who God will set me up and I can't wait!

What else- RIGHT narrative therapy! ......Im looking over the slide and why wasnt i more focused on this?? Stories are my thing, I LOVE stories! bruh- Anyways, there was the case study where a girl believed she wasn't lovable due to circumstances and her situation, and like- everyone else gave such "professional" responses and mine was a simple "Every time she comes to therapy, I will learn her favourite drinks and snacks and slowly integrate them into our sessions to show that she is loved, by simply existing and coming into somebody's life". Which like- eueuueueuueueue I want to help people, but i'm not sure if this is borderline "saviour complex"....which probably is, at least on the mild side. Yeesh-

This mindset was peak 12-14 year old thinking, also due to some influence on gacha life (A game where you create characters and you can make stop motion videos)...which was also a bunch of other 12-14 year olds creating short stories. Dang- some of them were amazing stories tho I must say.

Anyways- those were some of my inspiration towards my creativity of characters...until I grew up and started to try and make them more realistic.

My Haikyuu!! characters are as followed: Very first one was one that...kinda followed some traits from above: the bullied and dead mom, suicidal etc etc. The whole depressi expressi. Don't know if I want to change much of her story (I have attachment) but eh. Her name is Mairi Aoki. Next is the straight blond hair with green eyes who...also kinda has giant trauma. Listen I was still 14 and got sucked into romanticizing depression cause everyone else was doing that. Rich girl who has great father, mother left cause cheating, her dad brought up if she wanted to try a more rural school to try if she wants to continue the business or a more simple life, she chose rural and is now the manager of the Inarizaki volleyball group. Her name is Rini Kikuchi. My second newest are twins! Yukina and Yukito Mochizuki. Yukina constantly overthinks so she's good at math and also a chess master, her only match is Yukito who is great at composing music and patterns and flows etc. Both inspired by Snow White physical look. Last one (and the fairly new one) is Akiko Hiramatsu! I changed her entire backstory because I woke up and got tired of constant heavy trauma left and right and gave her a normal happy background: has dad and mom, dad owns and works at a chicken fast-food place (awesome chicken strips) mom works...idk yet- anyways- she has (maybe) older brother in uni, and since she was 5 her family got a german shepherd. She just a happy lad.

Now random story time: there is this French Full cast Picture book that I have been searching for for childhood nostalgia and also the songs inside them. The story is top notch for a kids story and the MUSIIIC. I actually downloaded reddit to help me search for it.

I am trying to continue my walk with Christ, yes im aware to the complete jump of topic but wow, I feel the change. 2 weeks ago I felt the ginormous change within my spirit that I really have to say It was nothing like I have ever felt before, and I know I still feel it to this day; the peacefulness that only God can bless you with. Finally getting a bible tomorrow!

This year was...an ok year: first semester sucked for academic life but the amount I grew during the first semester was astonishing, I felt like 10 years has past last October to the beginning of November, that's how much I felt I grew as a person and mentally + emotionally. Now second semester I tried to do better, and I did! Not great but better. I'm still planning to get my bachelor degree, I still wish to be a psychologist/therapist; the best one out there if possible. Hopefully in the 3rd semester, I'll improve much more and do great in school! Happy Easter and hope you have an amazing summer!