“Bella look!” One of Alexs's friends yelled, and she turned her head just in time to see him do a summer salt and kids around him cheer. she saw Jacobe being surrounded by the little kids all cheering and screaming, he looked like he would rather be anywhere but there. 
Soon they all ran off and Bella's Mom and Dad came out to the back yard with food and birthday cake. They all sang, and Alex made a big show of blowing out all seven candles on the cake, claiming that his wish would only be granted if he blew them out one by one. 
Isabellas family has always been close. Her parents were always reminding them to take advantage of the time they had together. to never take it for granted. Bella didn't really know why they were so insistent on it but always did as they wished. She always wanted to make them happy.  She kept her grades up and stayed as one of the top students in her class. She looked after Alex and Jacob when ever asked and almost never asked to go out. 
Even with all of that she would never be her parents' favorite. She loved her sibling and her mom and dad but knew that Alex was and would always be the prize child. She would always come second or third. Sometimes she wishes it wasn't that way. That she could have all that attention and validation, just for a day, just to see what it would be like. But she knew better then to hope.

“Do you see that guys?” he suddenly asks his voice sounds shaky. He’s still staring out the window, his face twisted with concern and fear. We all look out the window and see smoke is in fact rising from the mountain side. The car speeds up. I think. The world seems to stop as I stare at the window. I see the smoke gradually rising faster and faster. Big clouds of ash soon cover the sky. Then it happens. Everything goes to slow motion I can feel my breath stop my heart stops as lava shoots up into the clouds lighting up the previously dark sky.

Snapped back to reality by the sound of metal on metal she looks out the windshield just in time to see the car slam into the gard rail on the highway with a loud bang. Glass shatters and she feels herself drifting into unconsciousness. No, she can’t fall asleep. She must get out she has to leave.  Alex, Jacob, Mom. Dad, they all must leave. They need to go to another city they need to get out. But her limbs feel heavy and her head hurts. She feels glued to seat, completely unable to make out the position of her body or see her mom and Dad. She just wants to take a nap. Just a short nap. Then she’ll be up and active as ever. But right now, she just wants to sleep. 

It feels like and eternity before she drifts back to consciousness. Her eyes slowly opening and processing what had happen. There was smoke from the volcano. Then it spewed lava. Then they got hit by another car. A wave of horror washes over her as she saw the windshield was completely smashed and her father was nowhere in sight. She franticly looked around trying to see him and her mom. Her eyes fell on her mom. Laying in an unnatural position in the driver’s seat. The air bags had gone off but were no longer inflated. She climbed to the seat and franticly shook her mom. 

“Mom! Mom, wake up!” Her vision turned blurry, but she didn’t realize she was crying until a choked sob ripped through her chest. 

“Mom!” She was yelling now. Begging for there to be hope for her mom to just wake up. She didn’t know how long she stayed there before she heard Jacob start to mummer. She snaped out of her crying long enough to then take in the image in front of her. Alex was in his car seat just beginning to wake up and Jacob was sitting next to him barely awake, clutching his arm. 

“Alex, Jacob are you alright?” She didn’t recognize her own voice. It was horse and sounded clam and collected which was far from what she felt. She was watching herself. Seeing another version of herself take control. She wasn’t the one taking anymore. 

“I think so,” She hears Alex say his voice is weak still. She uses her body to hide her parents, crawling in front of his car seat. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Jacob take in the veiw of the front seats. His face falls immediately but he doesn’t let himself cry. Not now. Now they must leave. He was still clutching his shoulder.

We wonder through the city. It looks like a ghost town. Buildings left abandoned cars in the middle of streets still on, but all the doors are open. They left in a panic. There’s hot light running down the side of the streets burning everything in its path. The electricity is out. No internet, no lights. The streets are deadly quiet. 

Isabella walks with Alex and Jacob away from the lava. They had left their car way behind them, their dead parents still in it. She felt utterly shattered. There was no time to process her grief, no time to rest and take their body’s out to rest somewhere peaceful. She could tell it weighed on Jacob to but he tried not to show. There was no time to think. They had to run. To get away from this place. She was running on her instincts. 

They came to an inter section where there was lava on all sides, she turned around trying to go back but a tree fell separation her from her siblings. Utter panic took over her as she tried to find a way around.

“Bella!” Alex screamed. He sounded so scared. She ran to the other side of the tree. Everything was on fire. There was lava running in hot rivers through the city. She wasn’t processing anything. Nothing seemed to register in her brain. She followed the edge or the tree to the end, glancing back she saw her siblings still standing in the intersection not knowing what to do. They were staring at her hoping she would help them somehow.  She had no choice but to jump a thinner part of the lava river and had no idea what she was doing until she was flying through the air. She flailed her arms in weird ways trying to give herself more momentum. She landed with one foot on the edge of river but quickly lost her balance. Everything went in slow motion. She was falling. She was going to die. She felt a hand grab her and pull her up. It was Jacob. He quicky pulled her into a hug.

They started down the road again. Going in the opposite way of the heat and light burning through the city. Ash made their eyes sting and quickly made the whole world go black. She couldn’t see. She was leading her siblings only by the feeling of heat on their skin. She reached out to make sure her siblings were right behind her only to find it empty.

“Jacob! Alex!” she called spinning around as if it would help them appear in front of her. She felt like a cat trapped in a room. Longing to get out but completely helpless against the walls it was trapped within. The heat surrounding her face intensified, she was forced to keep moving. She felt so helpless.

There wasn’t anything she could do now. She was surrounded by flames. Smoke made the whole world black. Hot lava oozed form the streets burning the buildings. She hoped Alex and Jacob were safe. She didn’t remember how she got here. Alone in a burning city.

“Alex! Jacob!” she screamed for them again. No response. She didn’t know where she was going. Unable to see anything beyond a few feet in front of her. Smoke seemed to burn her throat and nose making her cough every few breaths. This is where I’ll die. She thought. All alone. 

 

They were on the out skirts of the city. Trees surrounded them covering every horizon. They had no choice, he would have to leave Bella. He knew she would find a way she always did.

“Bella!” It was Alex who screamed this time. Tears choked his voice, straining his every syllable. There was silence. 

They both could see the lava steadily creeping closer. Moving like a tiger stoking its pray. Trying to trap them into a corner blocking of all paths of escape slowly creeping up on them. If they didn’t move now, they would be trapped. Trapped in the flames and lava. Jacob forced himself to move one foot in front of the other. He pulled Alex along by the hand.

“No! We can’t leave her!” Alex screamed sobs ripped through his chest. He was just a kid. He didn’t deserve this. The little boy fell to his knees crying. Jacob picked him up and Alex fell limp in his arms. Crying on his shoulder. Them were moving again. Soon the woods surrounded them the only sign of the volcano no more then a mile away was the smoke. It was deathly quiet. All the animals were hiding, knowing what was coming. 

Still carrying Alex, they walked through the woods. They both knew that if they didn’t find a way out, they would die. He needed to get them out. Oh, Bella where are you? I need you right about now. He was so caught up in his own mind he almost missed the small cottage in the middle o the forest. Almost. Seeing it he set Alex down and started heading towards it. He hoped there would be food and water. 

They were still far away from the cottage when they heard a twig snap behind them. They froze. Jacob hoped it was a dear or something like a bunny he loved bunnies. There was another snap closer this time. Turning he saw the last thing he wanted. A huge bull moose stood staring at them frozen in place. Instinctively Jacob reached out and grabbed Alex to push him behind Jacob. Slowly they backed away. And Alex stepped on a branch. That was enough to send the bull moose after them. 

Time slowed down the moose started barreling towards them Jacob grabbed Alex and flung him behind a tree and bolted. He could hear hoof beats behind him. BE-DA THUMP, BE-DA THUMP! He ran as hard as he could. He just needed to make it to the cabin. It was getting closer. The hoof beats getting louder and faster. He could almost feel the wind of the moose’s breath. Time stopped as he tripped on a branch. Trying desperately to catch himself, he reached out trying to find something to hold onto only to find empty air. He was plummeting to the ground at rapid pace and had no way to stop. Not now. Why now?

“Jacob! Alex!” she screamed after them hoping to get a reply, but nothing was louder than the fire crackling on all sides of her. She hoped they were okay. She started moving her again, moving on pure instinct. She couldn’t see what was happening around her. She couldn’t see beyond the smoke around her. 

She felt like a mouse caught in the talons of an eagle. Trying to get out but helpless to the large bird that had grabbed her. She had nowhere to go, nowhere to run or hide. Panic had engulfed her entire being.

A wall of smoke and flames miles high stood in front of her, it seemed to taunt her. Like a cat playing with a mouse. Behind her the lava was slowly creeping up. Setting fires to everything it touched. All sides were blocked off. There was no choice but to run right through the fire. Flames burned her sides and face. Pain shot through her entire body. And in a split second she was out. Safe again, for now. The woods in front of her were now clear of fire. For now. She ran and ran not thinking about where she was going.

Her foot got caught on a branch and she went flying forward. Isabella flung her arms around trying to grasp something her can caught a tree and she grabbed it firmly. She stood up and looked to see that it wasn’t a tree she had grabbed but Alex who looked pale and scared. 

“Tank god!” she nearly screamed she was so glad to see him a wave of relief washed over her, and she looked around sto find Jacob. Her eyes caught the moose before him, and she jumped into action. Before she even knew what she was doing she was running to him, yelling, and screaming. 

The moose clearly distracted by her screams slowed down just enough for Jacob to crawl out of the way. It changed course and went directly for Isabella. Well shoot. She thought before turning and running to hide behind a tree. She hid behind the tree hoping to use it as a shield. She hoped that Jacob and Alex were safe. She expected to be hit in the stomach or head by the antlers of the moose only for it to just run by the tree and disappear into the forest.

“Thank god you’re here,” Jacob said with a sigh of relief, “I thought I was dead for sure.” She smiled and they all started walking to the cabin. 

“Your hurt” he said pointing to her arms ad legs. They had been burned in the fire and had started blistering. She hadn’t even noticed them before; the adrenaline had a way of doing that.

“I’ll be okay.” She said and smiled but her body hurt. It hurt a lot.

She awoke to the loud snap of wood. Her eyes shot open, and Her eyes darted around until they found the flames all around the cabin. The cabin was on fire. She screamed as a hot ember landed on her arm and she jumped up. She couldn’t see Alex and Jacob. She didn’t have time to think on that now. She had to get out of the house. She had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor.

In a blind haze she ran to the exit of the house. A hand grabbed her, and she saw it was Jacob. He was near the exit of the house pulling her towards it. She began to see black spots on the edges of her vision. Not now. I can’t faint now. She thought, blindly following the hand that pulled her.

 Suddenly cooled air surrounded her, and it was much darker. Then she turned around and a wall of light lite up her vision. A sharp throb ran through her arm, but she couldn’t deal with it now. She ignored it and pulled Jacob with her as she ran the other way. There were still dark spots in her vision, and they started to grow. She ignored them. 

“Where’s Alex?” She yelled over the roaring of the fire. It wouldn’t be long now before it spread to them. Before the entire forest around them would be caught in the flames. Jacob didn’t respond he just stared at the flames that was once a cottage. Bella started running. She ran to the house trying to get in. it happened so fast but at the same time the world seemed to freeze. The fames found the gas tank in the stove and blew up in a large mushroom cloud. Bella was sent flying back wards and landed on her back with a hard thud. The fire still roared around them, but it was quiet now. Compared to the ringing in her ears. The sound of her own heartbeat agenst her chest. 

She had to find Jacob. She tried to get up but her entire body was in pain. She screamed trying to deal with it. She was losing consciousness. And tried so hard to care but right now, no matter how hard she tried to fight it, all she wanted to do was sleep. 

“Alex! Jacob?” she called, tere was no response. She couldn’t remember how she got there. Didn’t know why the trees all looked like they were burned. The last thing she could remember was falling asleep in the cabin. Then the fire. She had ran out, with Jacob, but didn’t know what happened after that. Her memory a blank slate. It felt like a dream. Like she was living in her own mind.

Her ears rang and she absent mindedly reached up to touch the side of her face. Her hand came back wet, sticky and red. She was bleeding. This is how I die. She thought. Her mind still racing with all the possibilities of how she won’t make it out. Weather it be the flames that kill her or the lava sure to follow. She was going to die. 

Her feet started moving before she knew where she was going. She didn’t see Jacob or Alex and she didn’t hear them either. Even if they did call out, she didn’t think she would have heard them over the ringing in her ears. She didn’t hear anything. Not her footsteps or the birds dumb enough to chirp. It was complete silence. She looked around seeing the charred trees and what was once a cabin that they stayed in. One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving. She made the mistake of turning her head and saw what was once the body of a bird, now reduced to a pile of char and a skeleton.

The wood of the cabin was worn and old, clearly not in use anymore. But the running water still worked and there was a towel by the kitchen sink. Whoever the last inhibitor of this home was, they left in a hurry. 

Bella stood by the sink using the towel to try and clean her burns. They ran in lines up and down her arms and legs and now without adrenaline they felt as if her body was still on fire. Jacob was standing near her trying to be helpful but failing. Alex was sitting on one of the dining room chairs, staring at them.

He was in a state of shock, as they all were, but he was still a young kid. He didn’t know how to handle this. He still had their mom waking him up in the mornings and helping him get dressed and get breakfast. For the first time since the accident, she thought of her mom. The same person who was sweet and loving. The same one who would make brownies if you were feeling bad and watch movies with until the suns tarted to come up. She thought of all the times she had went to her mom to get comfort suport. And she thought of her father. His rough hands that were always gentle when they needed to be. How he helped her learn to garden and paint memorials. 

Her vision blurred and a sob ripped through her chest. It seemed to be so heavy that it made her claps. They said grief was heavy but she never really understood it, until now. Now she felt the weight full force. Pushing her down to the floor. Waves of tears fell from her eyes. How could someone live through this? How could she just get back up again? The world kept pushing her down and down. Maybe it was fate. She just needed to stay down, and it would stop. The whole world would stop.

Hands rapped around her in a hug, and she collapsed into them, still on the floor. Jacob and Alex cried to. They all sat there and cried for who knows how long. What would she do with out her siblings? How would she survive? Bella thought she couldn’t. She thought she couldn’t make it without them but she was stronger then she thought.

She started walking and a memory flashed in her mind of the fire. Of the burning forest and the flash of light blinding her. Then she was flying backwards fighting to stay conscious she heard her own scream and felt her entire body light up in pain. She saw the cottage burning the explosion. It all came back to her now like some sick dream. She felt the weight of it all hit her suddenly, making her fall to her knees. Reality snaped back into place and she took a moment to look at her surroundings.

All the trees looked like bones of what they used to be. Covered in ash and looking like big black toothpicks sticking out of the ground. She still couldn’t hear anything over the ringing of her ears, but it had gotten a little quieter, like she was under water. She walked in a straight line away from the cabin. 

She had no idea where her siblings were. Jacob had gotten out he must be around here somewhere, right? She looked around for him yelling his name, but she couldn’t hear her voice. Or a response she yelled louder and still it remained deathly quiet. Panic set in and she stared looking for him spinning franticly and then resorting to walking around the cabin, then to the woods She strained her eyes trying to see something anything that could give her a clue that they were safe.

Finding nothing she turned back to the cabin. Dreading the thought of having to go into it. Standing there she contemplated her options. She could go in and maybe find them. Maybe Alex was still alive. Maybe he had gotten out and ran. Maybe they were both ok. Running away before the explosion hit them. It was a small chance but still, it was a chance. Finding comfort in that thought she started toward the cabin. It would be empty. It had to be empty. 

She thought back to the bird. How nothing but the skeleton remained. It was closer to the cabin then she had been. Its charred body searing itself into her memory. She felt sorry for the creature. But some how felt like she related. It had tried to escape the fire flying as fastas possible but in the end was trapped just like her. Maybe it was fait. Maybe she was just destined to die eventually.

Now she was right outside of what was the fount door. The only thig marking it were the two posts that signaled the side of the door. She could see inside, the actual door now just a pile of rubble. The roof had caved in over the kitchen where they were, leaving a spot where you could see the sky. The furniture had become black and seared. The walls looking like they would fall any second. What used to be a rug was now reduced to ash. It looked horrible. She had seen it in movies before. The charred walls and caving ceiling but now in real life it hit her so much harder.

Underneath the rubble she could just make out the blue fabric of what remained of Alex’s shirt. She saw the burned flesh that was his tiny hand. A couple feet next to him she saw the sweatshirt Jacob was wearing. He went back in for Alex. When she had been to slow to. he was face down being crushed by rubble now. His body wasn’t burned as much as Alex’s telling Bella that he had gone in after the explosion.  When she was still passed out. Why did it have to be them? Why wasn’t she the one being crushed. Why wasn’t she the one who died? Guilt pooled rapidly in her stomach making her fell like she was going to throw up.

Just a couple of hours ago she was living a normal life. At a birthday party complaining about being surrounded by little kids, but now she would give anything to be surrounded by thoughs kids. Her parents and siblings. Her entire life was changing in just a matter of hours. She wished she could go back. Tell her parents to drive slower and to leave the party sooner. She wished she could make it stop. It was gone so fast. Her Mom. Dad. Alex. Jacob. All gone. They left a hole in her heart that simply won’t go away. Everything was gone. She collapsed on the floor unable to hold herself up any longer. She cried. Her eyes becoming numb and her face undoubtedly becoming red. She sobbed until her throat hurt and her head throbbed. And then she sobbed some more. She wished it was a dream. That it wasn’t real. How could this be real? How had it all changed so quickly? How did it come to this.

“What? I don’t understand what you’re saying” Bella responded to the lady but even her own voice was blurred. The lady nodded in understanding and motioned for Bella to follow her as she turned around. Alex and Jacob were still in the cottage she couldn’t leave them, she had to get them out. To save them. She told the lady this and her face fell from friendly to sad. She responded but Bella couldn’t hear her, only catching a few words here and there. The lady turned and again motioned for Bella to follow her. Having no other choice but sit there she did.

She led Bella to what was once a rode now having dried lava over it. There was an ambulance parked on the less broken part of the rode. The first responders immediately started tending to Bella’s wounds. She sat in the back of the truck. Her mind a mess of thoughts and feelings She didn’t listen to the people around her. She couldn’t feel her own body, caught in a state of disassociation and grief. It still felt like a dream. She wished it was a dream. 

A memory came to the surface from when she was a child. She was laying in the grass. Jacob was sitting next to her scowling. The blue sky was void of any clouds and at the edge of her vison she could just make out the tree branches of the forest they had come from. 

“I thought there was a pack of wolves or something!” he nearly shouted. It only made Bella laugh harder. 

“Wolves are nocturnal idiot” she said though her laughter.

“I don’t know! You scared me!” His scowl was still set on her, but it was less serious now. He was trying to hide a smile.

“You should have seen you face, you looked so stupid” she said still laughing. 

Then she was back at her house. The smell of the Christmas tree filled her nose and she saw the gleaming lights decorating it and all around the house. The sun lite up the whole living room making it all seem to glow she saw the presents under the tree, each one neatly wrapped and with a bow.

“Bella come set the table” she walked into the dining room and took the plates her mom was holding. She started putting them at their respective places. Alex came running into the room and almost knocked Bella over. 

“Hay! Watch where your going little man” she said. He squealed playfully and hide behind her just a Jacob came running into the room pretending to be a monster.

“I’m going to get you!” he was yelling.

She was pulled from her mind when there was a loud slam next to her. The ambulance door was shut, locking her in. The warmth she had felt reliving her memories was gone now. The cold overwhelming her senses. 

She had always thought that she would grow old with time. She thought that Jacob and Alex would outlive her. Confined by her own ignorance, she had forgot how quickly everything could change. She had taken for granted what was given and now that it was all gone, leaving her empty. Days flew by and she lost her purpose of life. She was in the foster care system now and depression took control of her life. 

Even months after the death of her family she still was weighted down by the guilt, by the grief that refused to let go. On March 23, one year after the accident, it all became too much to bear. She felt suffocated by it all. Instead of growing old surrounded by the people she loved like she had always imaged, she died from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. alone in her room miles from any hospital. Taking the last of her family and their story with her. She was so focused on surviving that she forgot what it meant to live, to be in a life without her pain and grief.