https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh Write your soul out. Unboxourselves. en-us 2017-10-16 14:17:53 UTC 2023-04-24 03:29:00 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203514172 I lived alone in a big city when I was going through my university days . And when days were hard, I used to sit like this on the toiletbowl of my hostel and cry painfully. It feels as if every little bad thing is magnified and then placed over one another.  Like Lego's.  Until it piles up into a towering, unstable stack of bricks just wobbling and waiting to be pushed over by the nudge of a small event. A lecturer's frown of disapproval,  a rude reply, an unintentional sarcastic Facebook comment.  

It nudges the tower,  and everything comes crashing down in your heart.  I've learnt the art of crying my heart out.  Not trying to suppress it. People used to tell me to tilt my head back so that tears wouldn't flow out. But I realized that with sufficient tears and silent screaming in an enclosed space, after awhile you don't have anymore strength to release pain.  And then you stop.  Your facial muscles suddenly lose all will to express emotion and you are left with a blank face, save for the red swollen eyes ,tears and mucus.  

Your heart suddenly gives way not physically but rather emotionally.  A mental stopper.  

And then it stops.  You have reached a new level of pain tolerance.  And that's how your heart grows stronger but at the same time becomes more weathered.  

Neither good,  neither bad.  But it keeps one going.  ]]> 2017-11-04 09:39:11 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203514172 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203514859 I've had good days and bad days. On my good days, I love to hang out with my friends. I'm their biggest cheerleader. They look for my shoulder to lean on. 

On m bad days, I shut everyone out. I both want and don't want to talk to people about my problems. I don't want to be seen as a person who complains a lot. ]]> 2017-11-04 09:48:13 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203514859 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203518127 Sometimes I don't know who am I.

]]> 2017-11-04 10:31:49 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203518127 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203518326 2017-11-04 10:35:03 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203518326 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203522988 I doubt everyone's sincerity, perhaps i have too much expectation on others. Hoping that they would treat me the same as how i treated them. Often than not, people don't do it that way, it crushes my little heart all the time and it's even worse in university because people wouldn't bother how you would feel. They all come from different places and background having different problems of their own, if you try to voice it out, they just want you to get over it or they might think you are troublesome (adding problems to their life). 
However, i believe that there are also people who would care for you.
This is a great channel for people to voice their thinking and vent their frustration. Hoping that this campaign helps more people to express their inner feeling :)

]]> 2017-11-04 11:32:12 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203522988 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203528471 I used to be a quite person. I dont have many closed male friends. But once im in university one senior is so closed to me. But i assume he already got someone special. Maybe he is just too kind and talkative. I warn myself not to like him and i think i dont even like him. But now when he never whatsapps me or even not respon on my chat it hurts me damn much. What to do? Im the one who creates the distance between us first but now why i feel urgggghhh. ]]> 2017-11-04 12:50:26 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203528471 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203528912 Every month ever since I entered into university life, I got this crazy downturned week. A week just feeling sensitive about everything, a week feeling restless, a week feeling like I'm burying myself alive. Every time I face people or going to class, there's this sentence kept repeating inside my head, "I want to die, I just don't to face it anymore." It's frustrating. I don't want to die. I want to feel alive and energetic. 
Hormones or depression? The one question that I kept battling with myself.

I want to feel something more than I could ever hope for.

]]> 2017-11-04 12:56:32 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203528912 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203528916 Im a person always keep quiet when I have problems. But I try to stay happy and chill in front of people including family and friends. Sometimes I feel stress bcz I need to handle my own feelings and on the same time I need to care about others feeling. Most of the time I will cry alone and my only ways to voice up is praying and hope all of my friends will understand me. But actually they're not. Its more difficult when I feel like people hate me or uncomfortable with me. I wanna be the best for them but most of the times I feel like "no,  they're not comfortable with me". Im a normal person or I having any kind of mental disorder? Should I keep silent and care about others feeling or only keep mine? I dont know or maybe I'll never know. ]]> 2017-11-04 12:56:36 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203528916 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203529101 2017-11-04 12:59:26 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203529101 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203529230 I miss my mum 😢]]> 2017-11-04 13:00:51 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203529230 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203530019 It's beautiful to see the one that holds out his or her hand to a lonely person]]> 2017-11-04 13:11:18 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203530019 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203530402 Gosh, the rain makes the silence screams louder.]]> 2017-11-04 13:16:20 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203530402 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203530567  Hello all, thank you for opening up about what you had experienced. It's a brave step you are taking to be bolder and own up to how you feel. 

Below are the contacts you can refer to for help:
1.Counselling Unit, Division of Students Development Affairs & Alumni, Universiti Sains Malaysia (For USM students only) - (04-6536000)
2. Lifeline Association Malaysia - (03-42657995)
3. Agape Counselling Centre Malaysia - (03-77855955)
4. YBAM Pelita Psychological Guidance Unit - (03-78053030)
5. The Bridge Communication - (03-92877251)
6. Than Hsiang Mitra Welfare Association - (03-79719876)
7. Keys Care Force - (03-61403008)
8. BeFrienders Penang - (04-2815161/04-2811108)
9. BeFrienders KL - (03-79568145)
We wish you a very good day ahead and don't hesitate to contact us for further enquiries. ]]> 2017-11-04 13:18:15 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203530567 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203531580 2017-11-04 13:29:50 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203531580 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203532125 Well,it had just been a few months since I've entered university and I'm already feeling like giving up.I don't know why but I'm starting to hate meeting people be it relatives, acquaintances or new people.I rather spend time all by myself,alone in my room.Sometimes,I overthink and yes I used to cry myself to sleep at night during the first few weeks of uni.I feel like I don't belong here.It makes me cringe that I have to think about everything myself and what kind of future has He planned for me after this.I doubt myself and my ability in whatever I do.Whenever I look at others,I often feel like I'm not good enough of up to the standard required.

Honestly,this wasn't the course of my choice but I'm just trying really hard to accept the fact and go on with life.But again,God's always there giving me one of his hardest trials ever.Like I'm already getting used to the life here and trying to accept things as it is but then another offer was granted to me.And as a hopeful idiot I am as always, I'm trying my luck for the course of my choice in another uni.Is this a blessing or just one of God's trick again I wonder.

I just wish I'd rather lock myself up in a room and never to face the outer world again.Call me an introvert,passive or anything which strikes your mind but this mixed feeling could be a major reason for all of my depression phases.]]> 2017-11-04 13:36:38 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203532125 susuliew https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203533255 I've been suffering from auditory hallucination for years. No one around me have the same problem like me. Thy can't understand how I feel although they always listen to me. Some of my friends even take this as my excuse to skip classes or skip a meeting. But what they don't know is, when the voices come, it kills me inside.]]> 2017-11-04 13:48:08 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203533255 yuvamalarb https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203533962 2017-11-04 13:55:37 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203533962 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203534586 University life has taught me a lot of things, the good and the bad one. Speaking of the bad one, I'd learnt that not everyone especially those whom you called your "bestfriend" is going to be there for you, during your hard times. Yes, they'll always there, but not when you're facing your hard time or when you hit rock bottom. This is one of the ugly truth i'm still trying to accept, until today. Sometimes I just wanted to be alone, but other days I wanted a companion, not to rant about my problems but just spending quality times together to actually talk about life but no one is there. None. Not even a single person. Despite of all the shits, it has moulded me into becoming more independent, a whole new personality that I myself never thought I would experienced. Today, though i'm still learning & adapting, I can say that I enjoy being on my own company and i'm looking forward to new adventures and achievements to be unlocked as I believe life has so many great things to offer! #bepositive]]> 2017-11-04 14:02:11 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203534586 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203536194 Who would ever thought that degree life would be a big pain in the butt ? I sure learn it the hard way. The subjects, the lecturers and assignments. Man, I hope I can get the courage to face this 'cause right now I'm completely fazing out on this. Au secour !!]]> 2017-11-04 14:19:40 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203536194 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203536303 2017-11-04 14:20:43 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203536303 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203536317 Uni life is not something that only teaches you how to get a degree,but it isthe median which lets you to learn about friends, hardship, and all the funs that you would never get once you step out of the campus. Missing your parents and home does not matter here cause in future you would never have the leisure to not think about it.Get a life here and live in this dreamy world while you still can. Its a heaven while you still live.]]> 2017-11-04 14:20:52 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203536317 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203537109 2017-11-04 14:28:58 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203537109 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203537303 It's been almost 63 days in USM. I'm just glad i don't have homesick feelings maybe because my home is not far from here but the only problem i'm dealing with is my social anxiety.The first three weeks, i was so depressed because i don't habe cliques around me & it makes me feel so lonely that i basically cry back home. People might think that it's normal when you entered a new place in a new environment so you gotta either adapt to it fast or slowly but for me as a introverted person with high anxiety, i tend to overthinking a lot, such as thoughts about those people (classmates) didn't like me or i was just not an outstanding person .Since i'm that type of person who less talk, thus people don't attempt to talk to me and thought that i'm a grumpy person.Some even said that i have aRBF and bad first impression.
My hope is just in the next few weeks, months, years, I could become more comfortable, more open-minded, easily to talk with strangers, and people like me for who i am. And i wish I would love myself a little bit,no, a lot of love to mysef because my self-esteem is so low for this moment 🙃]]> 2017-11-04 14:30:26 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203537303 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203538547 The uni stress is real. I feel as though I've chosen the wrong course to study and there's no way at all to change that fact and these stupid mycsd we gotta collect on top of that just makes life that much unbearable. *sigh* Gotta just keep going through these four dreadful years and hope I'm still alive by the end of it. The stress makes me a person I don't wish to be and sometimes when things get really bad, I hurt myself just to feel anything other than the numbing pain of my life. I'm too much of a perfectionist to settle for average results and too much of a procrastinator to get work done in a given time limit. So, basically I'm screwed. I don't want people to look at me and think "oh, I THOUGHT you were smart". I can't disappoint my parents nor myself, not with the expectations I've set for myself. To top it of, I am a socially awkward person, so ayyy no friends, what else is new? Also, I'm not clairvoyant but I'm like a 100% sure I'm gonna be alone forever. Wait, there's more, I also experience depersonalisation (Google it yeah if you're unaware what that is) which can be the scariest thing at times. But wait, that's not all, I also have this really stupid, unreasonable tendency to push away people who care about me which in turn makes me hate myself even more. So yeah, there's more but you probably don't care (totally not your fault, other peoples grief can be unsettling and depressing huh?). Anyway, cheers to my self-made shitty life. ]]> 2017-11-04 14:40:55 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203538547 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203541412 Aku ni jenis yang tak ramai kawan. Selalu pergi mana2 pun sorang-sorang je. Buat apa-apa pun sorang-sorang ja. Dari zaman sekolah lagi. 

Nak jadikan cerita bila parents aku mula gaduh, aku rasa tak seronok pun. Aku pun cuba la open up dekat kawan yang ada ni. Tapi depa macam tak endah pun apa yang aku cerita. Sampai la satu hari. Aku boleh terdengar cerita tu dari orang lain. Serius aku terkejut. Masa tu rasa malu, rasa teraniaya pun. 

Rasa macam tekanan teruk bila fikirkan ada kawan yang aku anggap baik tapi dia cerita masalah aku pada orang lain. 

Aku terus berlari dari dia dan semua orang. Sampai la aku rasa mcm dalam dunia ni aku sorang. Tak ada orang lain. 

]]> 2017-11-04 15:08:05 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203541412 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203542434 2017-11-04 15:19:40 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203542434 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203542435 I feel like i'm losing myself. Entering uni life really taught me many lessons. I try so hard to fit in with peoples , friends, trends and stuff like that. But it just exhausting.Like damn exhausting.I don't know who am I actually. I care others feeling too much till i hurt my own feelings. I am totally lost. Sometimes i have a bit jealousy with my "hot stuff" friends. Lol . Wondering how they become famous and get many likes when upload just a simple plain photo while i get few likes which my photo is even better then theirs'. Am i having a mental disorder or ...just too obssessed with social medias life??? Or just desperate for attention and popularity?? Hahahha fml]]> 2017-11-04 15:19:40 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203542435 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203589150 this isnt something recent, it was something that happened to me a long time ago during my high school years. Just i still cant get over how painful their words were. back in school, i was loud (still am now hehe) and perhaps i wasnt allowed to be so cus i wasn't pretty enough. i have dark skin and i senang sangat sangat burn and sbb i dulu jenis tak reti jaga muka, so mmg lmbt la nk recover from sunburns tu. bcs of my skin tone, i would be insulted, there would be racist insults (sdgkan sekolah tu semua melayu). they even gave me a nickname. they would taunt me by the stairs, through the hallway, i was only safe in my dorm. my first 3 years at that school mostly sucked because of those boys. but naik form 4, i decided to try to ignore them but it was hard. i entered a lot of school competitions and even won some of them but the boys still managed to find a way to get to me. after school pun, some started to be okay but during my matric, they hurt me again. so i decided to shut them all out from my life. all of my social media accs no longer have them as my followers. :) i do realise some boys are okay to be friends with cus i saw that at matrics so im not saying all boys are mean. its just these boys during high school sucked away my self confidence, my self esteem. bcs of them, i thought i wasn't pretty, i wasnt good enough but obviously thats not true. :)]]> 2017-11-05 04:33:56 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203589150 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203598560 Layak ke kau aku panggil kawan? Kau hanya ambil kisah pasal aku bila kau keseorangan. Bila kau kegersangan teman. Hanya contact aku bila kawan2 kau lesap entah ke mana. Ye, aku x ramai kawan kat sini. Aku seorang je kat sini bila aku mula2 sampai. Langsung tak ada kawan dari previous matric or school. Kau patut bersyukur sbb aku cherish kau as my bestfriend here. Tp, bila kau jumpe geng kau. Aku ni jadi sampah ke taik? You are the real bitch you know. Aku ingat lagi waktu aku ajak kau lunch lepas class. Aku tunggu kau depan dewan mcm tunggul only to discover that you already left. Lepas tu, sepanjang aku kenal kau kat sini, kau tak pernah say sorry. Even once. Manusia jenis ape kau ni? Mak kau x ajar ke? Sebab tu kau antara org2 yg aku mungkin aku ingat tapi tak akan sekali2 aku kenang. Kenapa? Sebab kau hanya kenalan bukan kawan jauh sekali sahabat. Peace.]]> 2017-11-05 08:18:19 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203598560 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203599854 Aku tak tahulah kalau aku sorang je mcm ni atau]]> 2017-11-05 08:44:59 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203599854 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203600702 Sometimes my biggest enemy is myself. I always curse for not being able to be 'normal' like others. I am such an awkward person]]> 2017-11-05 08:59:47 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203600702 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203605069 I typically hate my roommate . She thinks she knows so many things better than me and she thinks she's better than me . Yerrrr I wish she gets life . Sometimes I feel she is acting out about being concern on me . And I understand the fact she hates me going around out with her so called bestfriends . So what I don't care . Someday in life you'll understand Ohhh who's good and who's bad then you'll realize . I have aims to prove that your mindset towards me is wrong . No you're not any better than , no you're just so fake and no you're assumptions are absolutely wrong . So don't get too hyped on your own putting yourself on the top thinking you're the best in the world . ]]> 2017-11-05 09:59:15 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203605069 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203621408 I recently watch a documentary that was done about Demi Lovato on YouTube. In it, she herself was very open to say that she went through a stage where she had depression and is diagnosed with bipolar. but one thing she said really stuck in my head, maybe cause i have always felt the same way, she said: i would constantly imagine my own funeral and imagine what it would feel like to die. Maybe death to me was the only solution to every single feeling of emptiness inside me. When i told my mum that i felt empty and like i'm not good enough for the world, she would just brush be off and say things like, you've always been emotional and can you not be such a drama queen. Sometimes it hurts when someone so close and you loved so much would say to you. I still have thoughts like this once in awhile. But i'm trying really hard, praying everyday for a better and healthier mind tomorrow. ]]> 2017-11-05 12:57:12 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203621408 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203705278 I've been depressed before but uni brought out the worst in me. I felt really hopeless and found so little meaning in my life here. Even worse was that my anxiety went through the roof. I had breakdowns in public and cried in front of people who just didn't understand. How could they, when I myself felt stupid for it?

Idk if I'm better now but I did go see a counsellor in USM. And it was nice to have someone to talk to.

So I'm very happy to see this subject matter being talked about and taken seriously. More could and should be done for this. ]]> 2017-11-06 00:30:47 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203705278 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203710766 Why had she never ask me how am I doing while I ask her everyday? She lives so close to her family and I live hundreds of kilometres away in a new and different society but yet I was the one who kept asking if she was doing alright, if she ate her dinner, what classes she have today. Why she never ask the same? 

Why do I care so much?]]> 2017-11-06 01:20:53 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203710766 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203791527 I'm dying inside. Everyday i always thought about dying. I missed my late father. I'm depressing everyday. With all of these problems. Human never be good with me. Then I'm sick. Physically and mentally. Somehow, all of this negative thoughts kill all my positivity in me. I don't know how i can share about my depression. How i can start. Because. I just don't know who i can trust

]]> 2017-11-06 09:52:36 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203791527 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203801857 2017-11-06 10:27:06 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/203801857 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/205566693 I want to tell myself that I am okay, but in truth I just wanted someone to hear my pained scream.
I don't know who to turn to. Or, more accurately, I'm too ego to tell that I am hurt inside.

]]> 2017-11-10 03:07:40 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/205566693 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/205978844 I have always felt that no one ever wants to be with me. I have always felt so lonely eventhough im surrounded by people. Its my birthday today but i dont actually feel it. Like it always been like these every year. Never had a good friend of mine for a long term and the onrs that are with me now are just for a sake. Like no one has really take care of me and wants to know bout me. Days gone by, right now i have just felt comfortable being alone. But sometimes i do break out, cry and just comfort myself that i dont need anyone else but me and god will always be with me. Trust Him alone. I dont really know whats my ambition and hows my future. I have never planned anything and up until now I still dont know. That makes me think why am I like this that i dont even know why i cant decide about my life. Even i know that i like phtography and language but i cant proceed in it. That makes me so sad even though i am doing my degree right now that i dont even know whether i am doing it right. ]]> 2017-11-12 13:59:24 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/205978844 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/206218464 Saya dah tak tahan. Rasa sakit sangat dalam diri ni. Saya tahu mungkin banyak perkara yang terjadi disebabkan salah saya, tapi bila mereka terus hukum saya tanpa cuba faham saya, saya rasa hopeless sangat2. Saya bukan jenis manusia yang suka cerita masalah yang terlalu deep dekat orang, buat story ayat2 deep, saya bukan orang macam tu. Pernah cuba nak buat tapi takut orang judge. I hate myself. I hate myself. Orang selalu nampak saya selalu happy, gila gila, tak kisah malukan diri depan orang. memang kadang2 saya tunjuk riak muka saya kalau ada masalah, tapi mereka cuma tanya, ada masalah ke dan mereka anggap itu satu jenaka. Saya cuba cerita masalah saya tapi bila tengok reaction muka mereka yang endah tak endah, saya jadikan masalah yg saya cerita tu sebagai jenaka hahahaahahaha
sakit hati ni. Sedih sebab dengar masalah orang, cuba untuk selesaikan tapi bila time saya ada masalah, mereka anggap macam lawak je saya ni ada masalah.
Banyak masalah kena fikir. Kalau saya eksiden ataupun cederakan diri, ada orang kisah ke? 
tapi kesian dengan family saya kalau saya cederakan diri. Mungkin akan di bar dari exam dan I cant think straight right now. Doakan saya semoga tak buat benda yang bukan2. ]]> 2017-11-13 13:44:22 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/206218464 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/206628072 I used to be very happy and cheerful. But under certain ci]]> 2017-11-14 09:54:20 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/206628072 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/206977970 Ive been drowning in depression for a very long time. But I never have the guts to actually open up to people about it. When I was 5 y/o I was sexually abused by my own brothers. I dont know what actually happened back then because Im not sure what we're doing. It lasted up until I was 8 y/o. Im glad that it hase stopped. But its too late. It has shaped me. I thought its normal to have that sexual pleasure as I used to feel it from a very young age. And then right after I finished my SPM, I was raped. Then there goes my self esteem. I was traumatized by it super badly. I get so damn angry with myself. I just couldnt take it how stupid I am to lower my guards down so much. Ive been cutting my arm since I was 14. The self-injury is my only way out whenever I encounter the panic attacks. I often try to tell people about my story. But I was rejected and ignored countless times. In the end, I shut it out from people. I tell people what they want to hear: this guys is hot, their lovelife, and everything about them. I never talk anything private about me. I know its a wrong move. But do people really being sincere when they said 'you can share it with me. You dont have to feel alone and depressed.' I have lost so many friends in my life due to depression. And I constantly thinking about following the same footsteps especially now.]]> 2017-11-14 21:23:37 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/206977970 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207055858 2017-11-15 05:13:05 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207055858 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207083134 2017-11-15 08:31:38 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207083134 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207611928 Kat bangunan mana boleh jumpa kaunselor usm]]> 2017-11-16 11:58:31 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207611928 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207639410 2017-11-16 13:27:20 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207639410 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207694568 I'm having anxiety attack right now. Just the mild one I guess. Can't breath properly. Sometimes thinking about my own death or should I said like planning or figurin my own deathdeath, its not a suicide I think. What should I do?]]> 2017-11-16 14:56:50 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/207694568 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/208989096 I just want someone to reach for me in reality. Not from this tiny screen.]]> 2017-11-21 08:20:29 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/208989096 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209010074 I tend to isolate myself from people, thinking that I will only bring more trouble towards them. I suffer from depression and anxiety but only a few people seem to acknowledge it, despite the fact that I have a letter from a psychiatrist from years ago. Even when I'm around people I care about, I never feel safe. Not even in my own home. I often think about suicide but I know that's not the answer to all this. The thought of death is comforting though. I wish I could get help again, without thethought of my family members criticizing me. I'm scared that it'll add on to the stress in my life. I already have trouble finding a reason to wake up every day. I don't know how long I can keep this up. I'm so scared of life. Every day.]]> 2017-11-21 09:38:56 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209010074 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209050698 Usm adalah penjara . ]]> 2017-11-21 12:07:39 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209050698 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209491364 I take pride in the strength of my sanity. And yet here I am, gradually cutting deeper into my skin— not because I find relief in it, but because I deserve it. When you do bad things to bad people, you're doing something good. I am a bad person, and I'm doing a bad thing to myself.


]]> 2017-11-22 16:12:16 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209491364 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209883013 If kv is too much I'll end up killing myself. 

]]> 2017-11-24 10:39:22 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/209883013 nurinani93 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/210745138 Aku tengah suap anak aku makan.. Kami share makan sama2.. Tiba2 anak aku luah semuany dalam mangkuk.benda yang dia kunyah..terus hinggap tangan aku ni dekat kepala dia... Sorry sayang ibu x sengaja... Aku sayang anak aku tapi.. Tangan ni and emosi ni mmg tak terkawal]]> 2017-11-28 05:17:08 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/210745138 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/210879966 I took a brave step to see a psychiatrist last year.I was diagnosed with PTSD. It has ruined my life for about 5 years. I was living in fear for those years and depressed not knowing what was wrong with me. I had a few attempts to hurt myself. I tried to jump out of a moving car as I just couldn’t control my own mind anymore. I talked it out to my partner even to my parents, but they didn’t understand. All they could say was “Keep yourself busy”, which in my case, I did. But the thoughts were always there even in the busiest day. It didn’t just ruin my life, but my relationship with basically everyone was affected. I stopped seeing my psychiatrist after he told what I was suffering from. I was scared and pretty much in denial. But knowing that taking my own life coul actually hurt my parents, I made an appointment with a therapist early this year. My first ever counselling session. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life.
I guess what I’m trying to say is. Get professional help. Don’t be ashamed of what you have. There are a lot of people out there that really care about you. I cried reading all the posts here because I know and I understand how painful it is to have a mind like this. But please know that it can heal. I cannot say that I’m there, but I'm making my way to see myself as a person that deserves all the love in this world. I’m trying to be kind with myself again. I sure still have those bad days but now I know how to deal with it. It’s when you understand your problems only then you will be able to help yourself. Get help. Be kind to yourself please ]]> 2017-11-28 13:47:59 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/210879966 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/211341949 "You're truly a loner", they would say. I would smile and shook my head, " No, i do have friends. Two friends, online."

But that is no longer the fact, my hope to drive them away succeed. Now I'm as alone as I can be, I'm on the pathway of true self-destruction. Chip away until I cannot stand it anymore. Then, I will fall and crumble to dust. You do not rebuild what had been, you clean it up or leave it to join the wind. 

I need help, I'm well aware of that. I can't get it because it jeopardises my future possibilities. But I know even when it is offered freely, with no strings attached, I will refuse. Stubbornness is a double-edged sword. It is both an advantage and a disadvantage at once.

Plus, I am undeserving of recovery. I am undeserving of anything good, anything that is true. I shall not be given a second chance ever in my life. I will corner myself to misery, rotting alone until I decide that maybe, maybe it's finally time to stop breathing.]]> 2017-11-29 11:51:26 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/211341949 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/211416099 A sane man would immediately seel help. But I can't, because money is more important than my mental wellbeing.

]]> 2017-11-29 14:45:34 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/211416099 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/211417758 Dd]]> 2017-11-29 14:47:59 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/211417758 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/212129256 For those out there feeling depressed, the solution is in you. What I had learned by counselling we get the answer from ourselves not from other people. Look at the issues one by one. Step by step. Learn to prioritize & solve an issues one by one. From study, work, family & even our ownself there is always challenges. Basically we need to understand what we want & stop thinking what people think. As long we doesn't breaks any law, no need to bother what people say. Most of depression happen because we really care what people say or want, we live to satisfy our ownself not other people. Last but not least don't take things to personal or deep thinking, this will lead to uncomfortable feelings too. Love yourself & love all other people. Remember we only have 1 heart, fill it with love, only love no space for hates!😘]]> 2017-12-01 01:59:03 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/212129256 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/212340772 never being happy since the traumatic day. it's really tiring. it's not easy to stop feeling miserable unless the problem had been solved.]]> 2017-12-01 16:36:56 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/212340772 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/212601465 I dont how to let him go from my life. I love him so much, 4years we have been together. I pregnant of his child for 2 times, but still he dont want to marry me. We did abortions, bcs he told me “kalau nk ada baby bukan dgn cara mcm ni, i janji lepas ni kita kawin”. Even though, all families members knew about it, till now he still reluctant to take responsibility. He did cheated on me, sleep with other girls.. and towards the end came back to me. Bcs i still love him, and i knew i cant forget him, i became so clingy and insecure. We always fighting over the same thing. Sampai satu masa pernah i deprresed sampi nk terjun dr kereta, and dia pernah cekik i dlm kereta. I buntu, hidup i insecure, susah ntk i lupakan n let him go setelah apa yg dia dh buat dekat i. ]]> 2017-12-03 14:44:32 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/212601465 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/215841212 2017-12-13 15:42:53 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/215841212 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/217905456 I am so tired of people expectations. I am so tired of people thinking that I've already studied for the finals. I am so tired of people thinking that I am so f*cking smart. I am so tired of people thinking that I stay up way late at night just to study. Well, it doesn't mean I'm sitting up front means I am getting A for the test. It doesn't mean I'm doing so well in my quizz]]> 2017-12-23 07:15:05 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/217905456 https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/221271559 To everyone who feel lonely as I am, hope you will enjoy this playlist. It really helps me a lot whenever I feel depressed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrTQOAGUaL8

Just want to tell you that you are not alone. At least you have me here to understand all your feelings and thoughts. Life is tough sometimes. Although the situation we are facing right now might be way too easy for the others, but you are the one who is going through it. No one can doubt why you feel the way you did. ]]> 2018-01-14 16:26:14 UTC https://padlet.com/unboxourselves/8ilqcbrp9eyh/wish/221271559