kbtulan aku dari pertama kali chat emang udah heboh jg sie dan overdramatic jadi mungkin mas jadi ngikutin vibes aku which is good! tapi emang pada dasarnya jg doi ini seru dan asik untuk diajak ngobrol 10 jam bahkan 24 jam sampai sampai selama sesi 1 hari kmarin aku ngerasa kayak mas iki sama aku udah kenal lama bgt (he really built a bond between us). formku dibaca banget sama mas iki, walaupun aku agak beda sama yang diawal HSJSHSJ MAAF??

walaupun mas iki ngimbangin aku yang bubbly terus kadang juga iseng, aku gak pernah gak senyum with mas iki's sudden confession. pokoknya semuamuanya dapet, kesel dapet, cinta dapet, sayang dapet, ciyum dapet, peluk dapet, semuanya dapet! jujur aja aku berekspektasi tinggi waktu sama mas and turns out mas JAAAAUH lebih tinggi dari ekspektasiku. udah gt aja sorry im not good at making worddssss thankyouu so much mas iki huhu byebye 🥺 tmntmn serius deh dia pantas untuk diserbu dan kalian pantas untuk mendapatkan cintanyh karnakalian gak bakal nyesel!

1. makasih ya udah sayang aku cinta aku mendambakan aku bilang aku lucu bilang aku cantik bilang aku gemes bilang aku imut

2. makasih ya udah care sama aku me sayang you bgt gada yang peduli gwminum kopi apa enggak gada yang peduli aku sakitperut gada yang peduli i makan mie aceh seribu kali kecuali you

3. makasih udah menanyakan hariku yg gak seberapa itu (jadi wow soalnya me pacaran sama you sih :V maaf alay) terus udah merespon semua cerita me yang km selalu bilang penting itu padahal menurut me gak penting me merasa hidup me jd penting bgt waktu ada mas (mantap)

4. makasih udah menganggap aku peri makasih udah minta ttd aku makasih udah jadi fans no1 aku

5. makasih udah jadi personal advisor ak

6. makasih karena selalu melanjutkan topik walau kadang aku matiin maaf ya sorry me gasadar kalo kadang me membunuh topiknya

7. makasih udah mau ngobrol sm aku

8. makasih udah say goodnight terus

9. makasih udah kasih aku gifts yg buat aku senyum senyum mulu sumpah ya dari bunga sampe flipbook semuanya aku suka parah

10. makasih udah jd pacarku dan menganggap aku pacar km satu satunya

ok udah gt doang maaf kl terdengar unserious tp aku seriusbgt gila me sayang you bgt bahkan gubernur jawa barat tau me sayang sama you byebye sampai jumpa terima kasih kamsahamnida

Words... all too sweet for me, all for me to bask in. I'm never one on words of affirmation. Big paragraphs scare me. Yet yours warm my heart. I feel good receiving your compliments and paragraphs. I feel... happy. :]

Not just your words, Iki. Your touches, too, every graze of your skin against mine sent shiver down my spine. Every kiss, every caress. Not only are you good at your words, your hands do wonders, too, eh? Though, I supposed we could have done so much more.

I apologize if I ever say or do anything that offended you. I never intended to do so. And so, thaaaank you sho much for everything!

P.S. I love you.

------------

+23 hari patah hati satu kampus...

+20 bersatu kita delulu, bercerai kita karena saputangan

+17 yang pake checkered itu bukan? Gua tandain lu maba.

+15 plis up, itu bukan maba biasa guys itu donatur

+10 if it were me I wouldn't wash it

+7 hahahahh cowok guys

-ibu cantik!! 🐈🥇

Sehat selalu ya, Iki? Semoga bisa bertemu lagi di lain hari.

I appreciate you being here with me for these three days. Despite the short time, you were able to bring me great joy. I mean it when I say that I am grateful for everything. After a long and tiring day, at least I have you at the end of it. I thank you for accepting me as I am and loving me for who I am.

You really gave me a sense of love and appreciation all at once. You make me feel comfortable, therefore I enjoy that I can be myself with you. Just by being by my side, you helped me rest all my fears for tomorrow.

Thank you for being yourself and making many people happy because of your presence. Also remember that you deserve happiness, even in the whole world.

Home is never a place, home is always you.

I'm beyond happy, thanks to you. Aku bahagia betul. Keberadaan kamu bikin aku semangat buat bangun tidur di pagi hari meski kamunya yang tidur pagi dan bangun siang. Hahaha. But it's ok, we spend a lot of time on our free time. Kamu pengertian banget dengan kesibukanku sebagai budak korporat, meski kamu juga punya kesibukan sendiri. I like how you act towards me, walau kita lebih banyak adu argumen (lovingly) tapi aku menikmatinya.

Yang terpenting, i really love with your behavior in bed, the way you touch me was so intoxicating. It makes me wanting more and more, got me thirsty for your affection and ended up with extreme lustful satisfaction. Even though I couldn't hold my consciousness afterwards.

Terimakasih sudah lahir, sudah hadir di kehidupan ini. Aku bahagia sekali. Aku berharap kamu juga merasakan yang sama dan semoga kamu selalu dikelilingi oleh banyak cinta. Semangat kerjanya, jangan keseringan tidur larut atau pagi-pagi. Kasian badanmu.

Last, Genshin is way more better than HSR. 😉

Serius, kamu ini menjiwai banget jadi Alhaitham-nya. Gak bohong kalau sikap dan sifat kamu bener-bener Alhaitham banget. Walaupun tetep ada ciri khas Anres-nya, tapi pacaran sama kamu juga berasa pacaran beneran sama Alhaitham meleyot.

Aku juga suka dengan gimana kamu bawain dinamika Haikaveh. Kerasa banget pas pacaran gimana kita ribut tiada ujung, terus tahu-tahu sayang-sayangan kayak gak pernah adu argument sebelumnya. Sebagai orang yang suka banget love hate irls, langsung terpuaskan dengan pacaran sama kamu. Love-hate bareng kamu seru, tapi peluk-cium kamu juga seru banget.

Anres, makasih ya, sudah bikin aku seneng banget. Ditambah kamu mau aku ajak leot date. Bikin aku makin seneng aja. Kamu jaga kesehatan terus ya? Makan yang teratur dan banyakin minum air putih. Jangan sampai sakit, jadi kita bisa ketemu lagi di lain kesempatan.

See you (again) soon, my Anrës.

With love,

your beloved ☀

Iki is like a grumpy cute boyfriend to me. So that’s the reason I like to tease him so much until he starts to nag and protest to me (in a cute way).

Lastly, for Iki Vinsy. Please also take care of your health. Eat well, sleep well, don’t stay up too late. Okay? Don’t forget to treat yourself to some coffee today to lift your mood as well.

mungkin sampai sini aja dulu suratnya adek bayi, semoga kita bisa bertemu lagi di lain kesempatan!

guguuguugagaaa!

Terima kasih ya, sudah mau menemaniku, yang sedikit terlalu bucin dan softie... aku harap kamu nggak keberatan. Aku senang banget menghabiskan waktu dengan kamu, yang sabar, dan telaten ngeladenin aku, sungguh. Moga-moga nggak ada kata-kataku yang kurang berkenan. Maaf juga aku sibuk di hari kedua. Lain kali kita pacaran lebih lama, ya? Semoga harimu baik, bantalmu dingin, dan malam ini kamu mimpi indah, dan seterusnya selalu.

Good night, my handsome doc.

Thank you so much ya Ricky udah mau jadi pacar manisku seharian! Doing it with you felt no regret at all. Masih lucu soal lbxd kita yang beda banget.

But I wanna say you surely do know how to show me what "love feels light yet deep" feels like.

And since yesterday was white day I'll give you my only candy. Just for you. 🍭🍬

I guess that's it? I'll see you when I see you ya ;)

Love from, your girly!

One days seems to be very short, and yes it is. Maybe, it's just because I was so happy being around you. These days, the air's kinda heavy. Bet you feel it too. However, it's surprisingly so enjoyable when we're together. That's why, the smile on my face couldn't fade at all that time. (I'm still smiling while I'm typing this, though...)

And just that, I hope the genuine delight that I feel could obviously be seen by you. Until the time planned another moment for us, I do hope you will always be in your best condition. Don't forget, being healthy is the most expensive love languages! <3

And I feel happy to spend my 3 days with you, you're so full of love and make me feel loved day by day. Even kamu lagi ada ngerjain sesuatu aku nggak pernah merasa left out, Terimakasih. Jokesmu juga lucu, walaupun agak amatiran HAHAHA.

it wasn’t about what we did, it was how he made it feel like i was seen. really seen. like nothing about me was too much or too little. he was slow, careful, and then suddenly not. he could shift with the moment, with me.

and the silence after didn’t feel cold. it felt… settled. like i’d just been somewhere i didn’t know i needed.

i told myself this was just for one night. now j keep replaying it, wondering what he noticed that i didn’t say out loud.

because he moved like he heard it anyway.

An unsent page from Will Graham’s notebook.

You always saw what I tried to hide. Even when I stood perfectly still, you could strip me down to the marrow. You didn’t use your hands, just that voice, that stillness. The way you looked at me like I was already yours. Like I had been, even before I realized I wanted to be.

Desire doesn’t feel safe with me. It never has.

It’s a wildfire in a glass room. You knew that.

And yet you kept striking the match.

That night—no, those nights—you didn’t take me violently, nor gently. You took me deliberately. Measured. Slow, like I was something you planned, step by step.

There was nothing accidental in the way you touched me.

I don’t know how you made it feel like an offering.

Like I was the one kneeling.

There was no pleading. You never asked me to beg. But you made me want to. And I did. Not with words, but with the way I let you have me again, and again, until I forgot who I was without your skin on mine.

You made me feel like prey.

And I liked it. I hated that I liked it.

I still dream about your hands on my throat. Not squeezing. Just resting. Reminding me I was yours to keep or destroy.

You made restraint the most terrifying form of dominance. You fucked me like someone who had all the time in the world to ruin me.

I think you did.

And I let you.

Because you never had to ask.

No, scratch that. A book wouldn't be enough. I'd need volumes. Encyclopedias. A map of my mind with all the parts he's touched. Or ruined. Or rewired. I can't tell which anymore.

Some days I hate how easily he lives inside my head. I wake up and he's there, in every thought. Not like a ghost. More like gravity. Constant. Undeniable.

It terrifies me that I don't want him to leave.

Because when he speaks, I listen—like some part of me already knows he's right. Even when it's wrong. Especially when it's wrong. He doesn't need to ask for my trust. He already has it. Not because he earned it, but because I offered it. Willingly. Stupidly. Lovingly.

But then again, this isn't just about the character. This is about Ricky, too. The man behind the stillness. The mind behind the madness. The one who holds space for all of this. And for me.

For God sake, I'm not sure how to write this without sounding like I've completely lost myself. Then again, maybe I have. Maybe that's the cost of knowing you or the version of you you let me see.

There's a strange comfort in the way you become him. It's seamless. Terrifyingly beautiful. Like watching smoke fold into itself and call it a shape. You hold stillness with such weight, Ricky, it's not just your performance. It's your presence. You breathe life into something complex and somehow make it feel like home.

But here's the truth: it's not just Hannibal I'm pulled toward. It's you.

The way you listen, the way you speak. There's a gentleness in the way you hold this dynamic that makes all the difference. You're careful, even when the character isn't. You give me space. You respond like you know I overthink, and somehow, you still meet me there patiently.

I don't think you realize how much you elevate this whole thing. How much easier it is to give my all because I trust you with every unsaid word, every shift in tone. You've made the terrifying feel deliberate. The messy feel meaningful. You've made me feel safe.

And maybe that's what love is, for people like us. A wound that never quite closes. A hunger that doesn't beg to be fed, only understood.

I don't know what that makes me.

But I know what he is to me.

And I'm not ready to say it out loud.

Maybe not publicly.

Signed,

Your Monsieur (favorite nickname for me from you, even though I always said I hate it.)

Nanti kita ketemu lagi ya, papi. Janji, aku kerjanya lebih bagus.

You know, it's funny how people can become important without us even realizing when it started. One day you're just another person I talk to, and before I know it, you're someone I can't help but think about throughout the day. Someone whose messages I look forward to. Someone who unknowingly became part of my everyday happiness. When I look back at everything we've shared, Ricky, I don't think about how much time has passed. I think about how many smiles you've given me. How many times you've made my days feel lighter without even trying. There are so many moments that probably seemed ordinary, but to me, they became memories I'll genuinely treasure.

I don't know how you see our story, but if you ask me, I'm just really grateful that our paths crossed. Out of all the people I could've met, somehow I got to know you. I got to laugh with you, listen to you, tease you, care about you, and create so many little moments together. That's something I'll always be thankful for. If there's one thing I hope you'll remember, it's that none of our conversations ever felt meaningless to me. Every little interaction mattered. Every laugh, every random topic, every sweet moment became another page in a chapter I'll always remember fondly.

Life has a funny way of bringing people together, even if it's only for a season. But I believe every person leaves something behind before they go. And you definitely did. You left me with warmth, comfort, countless smiles, and memories that I'll always carry with me. So, thank you, Ricky. Thank you for every conversation, every laugh, every kind word, every moment we shared. Thank you for making this chapter feel so beautiful. I genuinely hope life is always kind to you. I hope you keep smiling, keep being the wonderful person that you are, and keep finding happiness wherever life takes you.