Patrick Google Sites Peer Feedback 2019 - 2020 by Patrick Leone

Narrative Feedback - Kevin W.

26kwright1 — 2019-12-06 15:22:46 UTC

One strength that I noticed in you story, “The Break In”, was the variation and reality in your characters’ names. They sounded very lifelike, such as G. Palmer the police officer. This really got me into the story and definitely helped me understand it better. Additionally, I liked the way that you used dialogue to make your characters as lifelike as possible. One example of this was when the Williams family was watching the news. The anchors were very lifelike, and it really kept me hooked the whole story. One thing that I can offer for improvement is to better describe the setting, since in some parts of the story, I couldn’t really picture the setting in some parts of the story.

Narrative Feedback- Brian N

26bnatarenosantiago — 2019-12-09 16:43:47 UTC

One strength you had in the story "the Break in" is your hook. Reading your hook would get anyone to read your story. Another strength that you had in your story is the details on the actions that the characters are doing. Like the police bodying the criminal like a football player. One thing you need to work on is only to describe the setting because I couldn't completly see the story in my head, but over all, its a good story.

Narrative Feedback-Ryan t

26rtrivisonno — 2019-12-09 18:46:14 UTC

One thing I like is that at the start you make the crowd think that the goal is to win a game of fortnite but then an intruder tried to break in. I also like that you made the story very action packed.I just think you should have cut back to the kid playing fortnite

Claire Abadir

2019-12-18 21:22:53 UTC

I really enjoyed your story, in fact I enjoyed it so much I read it to my younger sister when I got home! She thought it was really good also. When I was reading it in the kitchen, my other sister and my mom overheard us and we all laughed about how the burger decided to steal the printer. Keep writing more stories, so I can share them with my family!

Claire's younger sister

2019-12-18 21:26:10 UTC

I personally am scared of killers and robbers and now I know what to do!🤪
I liked your story-very creative and oddly funny!🤣
It was interesting in YOUR own way.
The names where creative and halarious✌🏻

It was AMAZING!🤜🤛

26bnatarenosantiago — 2020-12-22 14:46:30 UTC

our characters’ names. They sounded very lifelike, such as G. Palmer the police officer. This really got me into the story and definitely helped me understand it better. Additionally, I liked the way that you used dialogue to make your characters as lifelike as possible. One example of this was when the Williams family was watching the news. The anch