Q: I’m 22, single and very romantic, yet I can’t relate to women. I grew up with a womanizing father and ever since I can remember he has made comments about women and sex. No man in my family has ever achieved true love and they have all had multiple sex partners and lovers, betraying the confidence of wives and long-term girlfriends. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my uncle and my father share this and some of me thinks that I can’t fight it, that I will become the same. But I struggle. I just can’t talk to women; I can’t play charming around them even when I have a good relationship with them in spaces such as work or college. I have “female friends”, but I can’t break the confidence they have in me by playing the love card. So I’m often the friend of the women I like. My entire romantic concept has been built by culture, by movies like Gone with the Wind or Doctor Zhivago, books like A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bells Tolls and long sessions of the Smiths or the Cure.

Agony Aunt answers:

You should take this problem calmly; Believe me I can understand you, I have a daughter with a womanizing man and this marked my life forever and the life of my daughter's shattered her, because she had to grow up without a father figure, and He is a poor man who lives alone, mired in sadness and abandonment, because he has not been able to form a strong and lasting family relationship.   I can understand the anguish you feel, it is not easy to carry an emotional weight, so great, because being a womanizer is not a virtue, it is a great defect   that in  short or long term that will lead you to ruin, to you and everyone around you.  You Ought to look at yourself in the mirror of the womanizing men of your family and depending on their experiences make a decision, you must be very mature when making that decision, because,   of that  it will depend greatly; the what could be  your life in the future,  I can perceive that you are a romantic boy, and very honest, this accompanied by your young age, will help you a lot to start building lasting relationships; Do not think more about what were or are the men of your family, You are a unique being, you need to break with those chains that bind you,  and to live your own life; you might make the difference, and regardless of what your relatives say, you  could become the first man in the family to build a home full of moral principles based on honesty and fidelity.  You must be able to become a role model for future generations of your family. And then you will be a happy man and you will have a wonderful family. You Ought to think about this every day; I am the architect of my own destiny and I have in my hands the possibility of building an affective relationship based on honesty and respect, I can build a home full of values that break with the curse of being a womanizer, because I am a wonderful being, full of great virtues, who wants a change and longs to have a beautiful family. Finally, you should to visit a psychologist, because I think you urgently need professional help; because this will be very good, and help you overcome your traumas more quickly.

 

 

 

Agony Aunt