1. Các tiêu chí chấm

2. Cách viết mở bài 7+

   ___________________________________________________

   • Dựa vào biểu chấm, thí sinh cần hiểu TR (task response) là tchi hàng đầu khi gkhao chấm --> Khi vt bài thí sinh cần theo đúng trình tự của biểu chấm ms đảm bảo kq tốt

   • Quy trình vt chuẩn:

     • 1. Lập và khai triển ý tiếng vt sao cho ăn trọn điểm TR (độ phủ của ý)

     • 2.Chuyển ý sang tiếng anh nên học thuộc template cho nhanh

     • 3.Chuốt lại từ và chỉnh cấu trúc hay

     • 4.Check lại spelling + grammar

   • I. Hiểu đúng về TR:

     • 6.5: Tloi đủ số từ (280-350)

       • 1 luận điểm xuyên suốt

       • Mỗi đoạn tập trung 1 ý lớn

       • Chữ dễ đọc (tránh -0.5)

     • 7.0: Yêu cầu cấp độ ý kiến phải chính xác

       • Do not overgeneralise (use vague language) --> viết câu phải kín kẽ

       • A. Online courses offer learners greater flexibility to exercise a timetable

       • B. Unlike traditional learning which is more teacher-relient, online courses offer learners greater flexibility to exercise a timetable in line with ther needs and learning styles

     • 9.0: Ycau phải khai + triển ý đủ

       • khai: đưa nhiều chi tiết sau cho luận điểm rõ ràng, ko bị móc lại.

       • triển: đưa vào nhiều góc nhìn để khẳng định quan điểm.

       • chung --> cụ thể (inclusive)

   • II. Tiêu chí CC - Độ chặt của ý

     • Tính kết nối của câu cần được thể hiện ở độ chảy tự nhiên của ý (natural flow) và nhiều kết nối ngầm

     • E.g: Yet for many other urban settlements, especially overcrowded ones, the bycicle is not the answer due to its severely restrictive capaciry and low speed. A bicycle can only carry one or two persons, plus a slight amount of freight, so it alone can hardly meet the massive transport demand of teeming metropolises populated by tens of millions of people the scale of Delhi or Sao Paulo

     • Điểm CC đc thể hiện bởi các yếu tố

       • Từ chuyển ý: kcan cao siêu vì chỉ cần thể hiện xong chức năng logic tương quan giữa các ý

       • Đối tượng trong câu hỏi nên đc giữ nguyên

       • Sử dụng từ thay thế để ko lặp từ

       • Dùng từ ám chỉ: reference words (alone , some>< other, such; so, particularly)

       • Advanced cohesion devices (alone, such, many, others, much, while,...)

       • Avoid repetition: Reference words

       • Improving flow: Subtle contrast (while, unlike, beyond) and emphasis (particularly, not only ... but also) use advanced logic into sentences without overloading them

   • BTVN: Phân tích yếu tố từ vựng cho đoạn đã chép dựa trên khía cạnh sau:

     • range từ vừng (A1, A2, C1, C2) + độ đa dạng

     • Có nhiều từ thuộc chủ điểm không

     • Các từ gốc latin

     • Collocation?

     • Technical terms (jargon)?

     • Đọc các ví dụ triển khai câu trong ảnh, xác định tiêu chí đạt 8.0 grammar

     • Chọn mở bài tốt nhất trong 3 mở sau

• Câu 1 đưa topic

  • Phải nói đc tầm quan trọng của chủ đề, phải đưa đc thái độ của ng viết

• Câu 2 đưa thesis

  • Phải đưa đc outline sắp trình bày trong thân, viết ko đc ngô ngê

🟥✨TR: 7; CC: 6.5; VC: 6.5; GR: 6✨

Whether for personal development or fostering indipendence 💥 sp: sai chính tả e nhé -> independence, the importance of the 💥 gr: "freedom" là danh từ chung, ko cần "the" e nhé -> freedom for 💥 prep: nên dùng "of" thay vì "for" -> of exploration and experiencing is undisputed. However, when it comes to the degree of obedience children should have and the control of parents over them, the debate becomes particularly intense. While proponents argue that children’s autonomy aids to cultivate 💥 collocation: nên dùng "aids in cultivating" hoặc "helps cultivate" -> aids in cultivating their critical analysis and ability to learn through trial and error, I personally believe that certain extents 💥 wc: từ này ko phù hợp ở đây, nên dùng "boundaries" hoặc "limits" -> boundaries such as morality, manners, and safety should not be passed 💥 wc: "should not be crossed" sẽ tự nhiên hơn -> crossed.

The prime purpose of rules set by parents is to give their children the first idea of what are the limits 💥 gr: -> what the limits are, what behaviours are socially acceptable, and what kind of activities can have catastrophic consequences. This is essential to create a proper foundation for childrens 💥 sp: "children" đã là số nhiều rồi e -> children as unlike adults, they are unaware of social norms and outcomes of their actions. To address it 💥 pr: "it" ở đây ko rõ ràng -> this issue, punishment for wrongdoings can have kids realizing 💥 gr -> make the young realize what should not be done in this society. Added to morality and manners 💥 wc: "In addition to morality and manners" nghe tự nhiên hơn, còn added to dùng cho liệt kê -> In addition to morality and manners, behaviours posing a high risk for children themselves must be noticed and sufficiently deterred by parents since the cost for safety risk can be overly high and irreversible, providing no space for kids to experience themselves. Given these fundamentals, choosing to let children do whatever they like without limitations is not even an option.

However, the case for respecting children’s autonomy has its own weights 💥 gr: "weight" là số ít ở đây e nhé, nên là carry weight when we consider the virtue of independence must be developed and the skill, apparently one of the most instrumental ones in every aspect, to learn through trial and error. CÂU DÀI, LENGTHY, cân nhắc shift sentence.

However, the case for respecting children’s autonomy carries weight. Independence is a virtue that must be nurtured, and learning through trial and error is an essential skill in every aspect of life.

It is undeniable that the environment that parents are available to supervise our actions 💥 wc: cụm này lủng củng, nên viết lại thành "where parents are available to supervise their actions" is not sustainable, especially in instances where children opt to study abroad. In this setting, the ability to explore, experience a variety of things without anyone’s guide—independence—is now their guideline. And as there is no one to guarantee to cover for 💥 wc: cụm này ko tự nhiên, nên dùng "cover for" thôi their faults and prevent them from dangers 💥 collocation -> protect them from dangers, self-analysis, self-realization, and self-evaluation after each action, process, and error are the skills that ensure their personal developments 💥 gr: "development" số ít e nhé -> development. Freedom to their actions 💥 wc -> of action can, inadvertently, bring about the early rises 💥 wc: "development" hoặc "emergence" sẽ hay hơn of these essential traits.

In conclusion, I hold a conviction 💥 gr: cụm "hold conviction" ko cần "a" -> hold conviction that the development of children is not optimized by obedience or autonomy alone but the 💥 gr: thiếu "by" trước "the balance" balance between those two. Although disciplines 💥 gr: "discipline" số ít khi nói về kỷ luật chung -> discipline should be executed to preclude children from exceeding limits, a failure to provide room for their freedom and self-responsible actions can, undesirably, hinder the cultivation of independence and ability to learn by 💥 prep: nên dùng "from" thay vì "by" -> from mistakes.

▶︎ Tăng TR và CC:

Dùng “In... alone” để nhấn mạnh:

In safety considerations alone, parents must set firm boundaries to protect their children.

Sử dụng “Not only...but also” để bổ sung ý:

Not only does autonomy foster independence, but it also enhances critical thinking skills.

Dùng câu đối lập với “While some..., others...”

While some argue for complete freedom, others believe in strict parental control to ensure proper upbringing.

Sử dụng câu nhấn mạnh:

Letting children do whatever they like is not advisable. It is, rather, a path that may lead to unforeseen consequences.

Dùng “Paradoxically” để giới thiệu điểm bất ngờ:

Paradoxically, too much freedom can hinder a child's development rather than promote it.

Biện pháp tu từ:

Original: "Punishment for wrongdoings can make kids realize what should not be done in this society."

Improved: "Punishment acts as a compass, guiding children away from societal transgressions."

• MỞ ARGUMENTATIVE 100: nghiêng hoàn toàn về 1 bên

• MỞ ARGUMENTATIVE 80-20: hơi nghiêng về 1 bên nhưng có công nhận bên còn lại: dù B hợp lý, nhưng lợi của A là rõ

• MỞ BALANCED (50-50): TÙY TỪNG TÌNH HÌNH .... (e.g: bối cảnh xã hội, nhu cầu các nước, etc.) --> Phải chỉ rõ là vì cái gì (cần analutical thinking)

  • Mở Balanced thường hay bị nhầm với dạng DISCUSSION

  • BALANCED là đưa ý kiên riêng, ròi dựa trên hiểu biết sâu rộng về tình hình

  • DISCUSSION chỉ dừng lại ở bàn 2 khía cạnh trái chiều của discussion và đưa ý kiến ở kết luận

• STANCE (ý của bản thân) thường được dùng nhiều cho argumentative (do you agree....)

  • Thường được thể hiện bằng 3 cách

    • self-mentions: I feel thatm I firmly believe, my point is that, from my standpoint

    • hedges (không chắc, tin vào bthan lắm): imply, might, as a rule, fundamentally, virtually, broadly, to some extent

    • boosters (chắc chắn): obviouly, without doubt, irrefutably, undeniably, plainly, to all intents and purposes

    • EXTRA: attitude markers (thái độ đánh giá - bài vt mạnh): surprisingly, unfortunately, ironically, paradoxically, dunnily

      nhiều ng tin rằng đẻ con sớm sẽ ..(positive).., surprisingly, nhiều trg hợp đẻ con sớm ........(negative)

      Miễn phí đại học ...(positive)..., fortunately, chính phủ đã nhận ra và .....

• 1 argumentative essay không thể đứng nói 1 mình mà cần kêu gọi mọi ng đồng ý đứng về phe của mình - ENGAGEMENT (4 dấu hiệu)

  • Reader mention (Đề cập đến người đọc): many of us will agree, we cannot deny, we often see

  • Appeals to shared knowledge (đề cập kthuc của mình thành kthuc hiển nhiên): of course, admittedly, as far as health is concerned, from a psychological standpoint, with regard to many cultural values

  • Personal asides (chủ ngữ giả): it is often argued...., there is no denying that..., experts have claimed that....

  • Directives (đưa lời khuyên từ góc khách quan): should, ought to, had batter (advise,proposal, conclusion-argumentative, soluton)

My argument for opting to work in an enjoyable profession can be encompassed in the adage, “The man who loves the journey, will run further than the man who loves the destination”. Compared to workers whose major aim is salary, employees that have passion to do their job are internally motivated to strive for the best, implying a higher likelihood of achieving feats and therefore move forwards in their field. To see the power of this mindset, we can easily point to numerous studies where the fact that internal motivation is more effective and enduring than external incentives including money is established. Some real-world evidences for the case such as Elon Musk or Bill Gates, both regard money as a tool for achieving their goals and dreams, can be mentioned. CUỐI ĐOẠN thiếu chốt

Endeavouring to attain a respected status in an occupational field may, paradoxically, lead to unstable income in the early stages, for some is even until their mid-life. This is the rooted concern for people preferring a well-paid job since it can address financial burden for the family when investment for education and healthcare for the family must be made. The case for this is most compelling when we consider individuals who are about to take on the parental responsibility and must secure financial power to provide for their offsprings. Given that these individuals value family stability and happiness over job satisfaction, risking for an unstable money flow for their mere interest in the occupation is by no means reasonable. CUỐI ĐOẠN

In conclusion, I firmly believe that a career path is not just about the returned money or the happiness when working but about the balance between priority of different aspects set by individuals. Although working with passion offers a higher chance of achieving greatness in their own career, it fails to acknowledge the risky nature of this lifestyle in terms of financial stability. Instead of focusing on the vacillation between money or content, it is rather advisable to determine the desired goal of life to reach an appropriate decision.

TR: 7.0 khung bài đầy đủ

8.0: đọc xem ý có tương phản nhượng bộ triển khai đủ ý hay không.

CC: 7.0 some, other, much, such, so, this, these, they. them, it, those, one, ones, particularly

7.5

8.0: alone, despite/ instead of/ regardless of/ as with/ unlike

VC

GR: 8.0

prepositional phrase

đảo ngữ

câu điều kiện

phụ chú

shift sentence

Full Essay with Analysis and Explanations (Vietnamese provided next to errors):

Whether for cultural value or mass entertainment, the importance of major worldwide sport events is undisputed. However, when it comes to the evaluation of both downsides due to its financial intensive nature 💥 gr: ko tự nhiên -> financial burden and upsides of promotion nations’ image 💥 wc: trật tự từ -> promoting the nation’s image when hosting these events, the debate becomes particularly intense. The following essay will delve into these conflicting perspectives before giving my opinion, which posits that there will be inevitable costs that must be paid in order to harness the perceptive benefit 💥 wc: chắc nhầm từ -> perceived benefits.

Hardly anyone can deny that organizing an international sport event can put the holding country 💥 wc dùng "host country" under a heavy financial burden. While a common assumption put that the generated revenue for any major event as such can easily offset beforehand loss 💥 gr: trật tự từ, lỗi tense -> suggests that the revenue generated by such events can easily offset prior losses, this is far from true as costs for building avenue 💥 sp lại nhầm sang từ "phương hướng", đây cần từ "thu nhập"-> venues, housing complex for competitors, security and other related fees are immeasurable 💥 wc: "immeasurable" hơi cường điệu, có thể sửa thành "extremely high" để rõ ràng hơn. We need not look further than the case of the Olympics, which have been failing to yield a positive net profit for the last 6 decades due to unforeseen expenses. Added to this is the waste of money and facilities after the event since countries usually opt to construct new infrastructure, which are likely to not be in use again 💥 gr: văn viết formal hơn -> remain unused, to serve the worldwide game’s demand 💥 wc: "global sporting demands". Unless the operational process of these kinds of events is revolutionized to mitigate these perceived costs, hosting countries will not have any economical rewards 💥 wc: "economic rewards" đúng ngữ cảnh hơn.

TƯ DUY EM TỐT LẮM, NẮM BẮT CÁCH TRIỂN KHAI Ý NHANH, NHƯNG EM CẦN "KĨ TÍNH HƠN", KO HẤP TẤP VỘI VÀNG VỚI VIỆC CHỌN TỪ VÀ CHỈNH NGỮ PHÁP ĐƯỢC NỮA ĐÂU!

On the flip side, the argument of advocates for hosting major international sporting events aligns with the phrases “no pain, no gain”. While doing so might not be profitable, the fruits of holding such events come in different forms such as nation promotion, culture promotion or flourished tourism 💥 gr: parallelism -> promoting the nation, showcasing culture, and fostering tourism. With the anticipated immense number of tourists and competitors attending the game, it is not unreasonable to grasp that there is a rare and effective opportunity to highlight nations’ identity for increasing reputation 💥 wc: "the national identity to boost its reputation" chuẩn hơn. This case is most compelling when we look at the benefits experienced by once-hosted developed countries 💥 gr: "developed countries that have previously hosted such events" nghe academic hơn like the US or China. These nations are aware of the amount of money that can exceed the speculated costs 💥 gr: "incur costs that exceed expectations" formal hơn but due to their stable economy, they are willing to sacrifice potential demerits to gain more attention to them, more specifically, their home culture 💥 gr: "particularly to their unique culture" concise hơn.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that hosting a worldwide sport tournament has never been, or at least has fallen out of the scope, about money incentives but the golden promoting opportunity it offered 💥 gr: TỰ NHIÊN LẠI VÀO DĨ VÃNG QUÁ KHỨ VẬY-> offers. While there are evident advertising advantages, it is crucial to understand that hosting costs can take a toll on countries’ economies and therefore might only worth sacrificing the risk 💥 gr: "be worth the risk only" đúng cấu trúc hơn if a nation’s economy has already been stable. For others, the detrimental financial impact may outweigh any other merits.

▶︎ Tăng TR và CC:

Use “In... alone” for specific emphasis:
In the last two decades alone, hosting international sports events has seen unprecedented debates regarding financial viability and cultural promotion.

Combine ideas with “while some..., others...” for contrast:
While some view these events as a drain on public funds, others perceive them as a unique chance to foster unity and pride.

Use emphasis shift sentence:
Hosting international events is not merely about finances. It is, rather, about seizing a fleeting cultural spotlight.

▶︎ Tăng VC:

(1) Figurative language:
Original: The cost of hosting events is immeasurable.
Improved: Hosting these events is like gambling on a glittering jackpot, where the cost often outshines the gain.

(2) Humor/Irony:
Original: The Olympics fail to generate net profit.
Improved: Ironically, the world’s grandest games often leave host countries playing a losing financial game.

(3) Prepositional phrase:
Original: The benefits outweigh the costs for stable economies.
Improved: Beyond the realm of unstable economies, the benefits of hosting such events may finally tip the scale.

1. vào giờ kiểm tra từ vựng

2. giáo viên hỏi

   1. Do you collect stamps?

      understandability

      stutter

      authenticity:

3. học sinh trả lời:

   1. no i do not, cười, kiểu

4. giáo viên: chê hsinh

   1. câu trả lời abrupt -> fluency 4-5

   2. input quá ít -> vocab grammmar: 4.0

5. hs thấy bị chê, điểm thấy, sợ

6. giáo viên hỏi câu khác ...

when i ... into highschool

i was put into a really open environment that pushed me

through a lot of projects

topical: friends, relationship

fluency:

grammar: 1 tense (a variety of grammatical features)

-> cho hs nhiều cơ hội được nói

nhưng kết quả của buổi học là hs ko có nói được.

HỎNG CẢ 4 TIÊU CHÍ

TRONG LÚC NÓI, THÍ SINH PHẢI XỬ LÝ NHIỀU THỨ TRONG ĐẦU:

1. NGHĨ Ý

2. NGỮ PHÁP TỐT

3. CÓ TỪ VỰNG ĐA DẠNG

4. NGỮ ĐIỆU PHẢI CÓ CẢM XÚC , PHẢI CÓ CHUNKS (LIỀN 1 CỤM 20 TỪ 1 HƠI KHI ĐỘNG TỚI CÁC THÔNG TIN NHIỀU CẢM XÚC)

podium

script?

witty

PUBLIC SPEAKER

học nói chuẩn:

1. PHẢI CÓ SCRIPT ĐẸP TRƯỚC (đúng điểm voc, đủ điểm grammar), bám theo chiến thuật triển khai ý để ghi điểm

   1. hồi xưa thì nhưng bây giờ

   2. bây giờ thì nhưng ai biết sau này

   3. mọi người cứ nói, nhưng tôi thì

   4. theo văn hoá vn, nhưng tôi thấy

   5. tôi là cái loại mà .... nên tôi thường

   6. tuỳ, if/ when...

2. january, may, september: ielts đổi đề 30-50% là mới.

   
   

Whether for national development or well-being, the importance of success evaluation for a country is undisputed. However, when it comes to which metric should be used or the determinative factors, the debate has become particularly intense. While some believe that the economy can truly reflect a nation’s success, others ground for 💥 wc: cụm này ko tự nhiên em, nên dùng “argue for” -> argue for different aspects such as happiness or social stability. From my perspective, considering economic progress alone as an indicator is superficial and hence a more holistic approach should be executed 💥 wc: “executed” nghe như xử tử, dùng “adopted” -> adopted.

Proponents of using economic factors like GDP hinge on the argument that financial power is the fundament 💥 wc -> foundation for further developments in every other field such as education or healthcare, to be listed 💥 wc: cụm này lửng lơ, bỏ hẳn . We need not look further than the case of Saudri 💥 sp Saudi Arabia to see the prosperity of a economic-driven 💥 gr: “a” + nguyên âm -> “an economic-driven” nation. This country, with the revenue from oil extraction serves as the reliable base 💥gr/wc: thiếu mệnh đề quan hệ rõ ràng, sửa: “serving as a reliable base” -> serving as a reliable base, has successfully established its position over 💥 wc -> around the world. However, admitting that economy-based nations exist, whether a rise in GDP can guarantee success remains unanswered.

The justifications for a more integrating 💥 wc -> integrated approach align with the adage, “a rubik cube is not solved when one side is done”. It would be inherently wrong to regard a country as successful when people there are experiencing health crises or facing the risk of being inflicted by 💥 wc -> harmed by social transgressions. Compared to others, nations such as the US can be considered high-income, yet it still fails in terms of social security, leaving individuals leading 💥 rep -> to lead perilous lives, particularly in some states where racism and gun uses 💥 n: -> use are evident. GDP alone in this case can no longer support the opposite; it is, rather, a misleading indicator if being used 💥 gr -> used. This renders the notion of prioritizing human well-being more compelling, which has already been held by countries like Finland or Denmark. Standing as ideal figures for many, these nations act in accordance with happiness-oriented policy 💥 n -> policies while, at the same time, striving for social stability to instill a sense of safety for their populations. Despite the fact that the economy still plays an irreplaceable role in every of the mentioned 💥 wc -> each of the mentioned cases, the success of the whole country is anything but solely the result 💥 wc -> anything but the sole result of financial progress. Rather, it is the product of a multitude of aspects including social security and inhabitants’ contentment.

In conclusion, I contend that success is not just about monetary achievement but about the status quo of society and happiness on the whole. Instead of endeavoring for 💥 wc: dùng “striving for” just economic progress, governments should invest in other factors and only then could they reach long-lasting success.

GỢI Ý CÁC CÂU TĂNG ĐIỂM:

1. Original: “From my perspective, considering economic progress alone as an indicator is superficial.”
   Improved (emphasis shift): "Economic progress is not the only dimension of success. It is, rather, a narrow lens that overlooks other critical human factors."

2. Original: “GDP alone in this case can no longer support the opposite; it is, rather, a misleading indicator if used.”
   Improved: "Much of what appears successful on paper can be painfully deceptive; GDP alone, ironically, may distort the true quality of life."

3. Original: “Despite the fact that the economy still plays an irreplaceable role in each of the mentioned cases, the success of the whole country is anything but the sole result of financial progress.”
   Improved: "Not only does economic stability matter, but also social cohesion and collective happiness, particularly in societies striving for holistic well-being."

4. Original: “Compared to others, nations such as the US can be considered high-income, yet it still fails in terms of social security.”
   Improved: “High-income though the US may be compared to others, it still fails in securing its citizens’ social well-being.”

5. Humour, Sarcasm and Irony (Original -> Improved):
   Original: “It would be inherently wrong to regard a country as successful when people there are experiencing health crises.”
   Improved: “Calling a nation ‘successful’ while its citizens queue for hours in overcrowded hospitals? Ironically, that’s ‘success’ redefined.”

6. Prepositional phrase or gerund at the beginning (Original -> Improved):
   Original: “This renders the notion of prioritizing human well-being more compelling.”
   Improved: “By prioritizing human well-being, societies elevate their standards beyond mere economic milestones.”

It goes without saying that in today's era, individuals around the world tend to expect instant results, whether for demanding services 💥 wc: various” ( “demanding” nghĩa là đòi hỏi, dễ gây hiểu lầm ở đây, nên “various” là đa dạng, tự nhiên hơn) or performing tasks. However, when it comes to the precise reasons for this trend, the debate has become particularly intense. While some ground for 💥 wc: “ground for” ko tự nhiên -> attribute this phenomenon to technological advancements such as smart devices and the Internet 💥 wc: “the Internet” ko sai, tuy nhiên e có thể thêm tính từ “ever-expanding” -> the ever-expanding Internet, others point to busy lifestyles of a number of people 💥 wc: “the increasingly hectic lifestyles of many individuals” để tự nhiên hơn. The following essay will delve into the root cause 💥 gr: số nhiều -> root causes of this tendency and draw a conclusion on whether it is beneficial or inadvisable 💥 wc: “inadvisable” ko tự nhiên, thay bằng “harmful” -> beneficial or harmful.

The want for 💥 wc -> desire for instantaneous outcomes can be attributed primarily to the familiarity with quick response from technology 💥 wc -> familiarity with quick responses from technology, a direct consequence of time-response-priority development of large corporations 💥 wc: cụm này ko rõ ràng-> the prioritization of rapid response times by major companies. It is the consumer's demand for immediate actions, it is the fact that 💥 gr: cấu trúc lặp -> Em tách câu, ví dụ: It stems from consumers’ demands for immediate action and from our innate aversion to wasting time. our brains inherently try to avert wasting time that every company in every aspect of our lives strives to satisfy 💥 str: câu quá dài -> prompting companies across all sectors to meet this expectation.. From searching on websites, getting answers from calls to waiting for services to be executed; from accessing online resources, ordering a pizza or calling a mechanic, there is no exception in any field for this trend 💥 str: câu dài và lặp -> For instance, whether searching websites for information, calling hotlines for support, or ordering a simple pizza, no industry is exempt from this growing impatience. Paradoxically, the less time it gets 💥 wc: dùng “takes” thay “gets” -> takes to do something, the more expectations we have for it and therefore cyclically request for quicker waiting time 💥 wc -> cyclically request quicker turnaround times. The evident fast pace of our lives 💥 wc: -> the increasingly rapid pace of our lives also exerts great influence on our mindset, requiring us to perform a multitude of tasks in a limited time, pushing our ability to multitask. Acknowledging that human brains are not capable of doing so , we shift our focus to reliance on responding speed of technological devices and others to achieve the original aim 💥 wc & gr -> we shift our reliance onto the rapid responses of technology and service providers to achieve our aims. With both the internal expectations and external demand for faster pace, we are witnessing an perpetual 💥 gr: “perpetual” bắt đầu bằng p là phụ âm, phải “a perpetual” -> a perpetual cycle of the world expending resources on addressing our insatiable standard for “instant” results. 💥 wc -> expending resources to meet our insatiable demand for “instant” results.

viết 1 đề

Whether for national development or well-being, the importance of success evaluation for a country is undisputed. However, when it comes to which the metric system 💥 wc: metric system ở đây không hợp -> evaluation metrics should be used or the determinative factors 💥 wc: từ này hơi cứng -> determining factors, the debate has become particularly intense. While some hold conviction that economic status can truly reflect the success of a nation, others argue for different aspects including happiness and social stability. From my perspective, economic progress is not the only dimension of success; it is, rather, a narrow lens that overlooks other critical human factors.

Proponents of using GDP as an indicator for success hinge on the justification that financial power is the foundation for further development in every other field such as education or healthcare. We need not look further than the case of Saudi Arabia to see the prosperity of an economic-driven 💥 gr: tính từ phức -> economically-driven nation. This country, with the revenue from oil extraction serving as a reliable base, has successfully established its position around the world. However, admitting the existence of economic-based nations 💥 wc: hơi lòng vòng -> acknowledging such nations, whether admirable financial progress can guarantee success for a country remains an unanswered question.

The ground for a more integrating 💥 wc: từ này không tự nhiên trong ngữ cảnh -> holistic approach aligns with the adage, “a Rubik's cube is not solved when one side is done”. Calling a country “successful” while the population there is at constant risk of being harmed by social transgressions has completely redefined 💥 gr: không hợp thì -> fundamentally altered the word (Ý NÀY TỐT LẮM!!!). For instance, high-income though the US may be compared to other nations, it still fails in securing its citizen well-being 💥 gr: thiếu sở hữu -> citizens' well-being. The so-called “success” in this case is painfully deceptive; GDP alone, ironically, may distort the true status quo of the situation. This renders the notion of prioritizing individual well-being more compelling, which aids in elevating the societal standards beyond economic milestones. The proficiency of happiness-driven policies can be proved when pointing to the cases 💥 gr: ngắn gọn -> demonstrated by of Denmark or Finland. Standing as ideal figures for many, these countries are striving for their population's health-being 💥 gr -> well-being by ensuring a secured community and where 💥 gr -> where essential needs can easily be met 💥 wc -> are easily met. Despite the fact that the economy still plays an irreplaceable role in each of the mentioned cases, the success of a whole country is anything but the sole result of economic progress; it is, rather, the collective product of various aspects such as social stability and population’s health 💥 wc -> public health.

In conclusion, I contend that a nation’s success cannot be solely attributed to monetary achievements but also the progress in securing social cohesion, safety, and satisfying essential needs on the whole 💥 wc: thừa -> overall. Instead of focusing on economic statistics, governments should shift attention to other crucial fields and only by then can they 💥 gr: cấu trúc phức hợp -> so they can reach long-lasting success.

____

GỢI Ý SỬA CÂU:

Clarity and precision:

• Original: "whether admirable financial progress can guarantee success for a country remains an unanswered question."

• Improved: "whether financial progress alone guarantees national success remains uncertain."

Precise and sophisticated vocabulary:

• Original: "happiness-driven policies can be proved when pointing to the cases of Denmark or Finland."

• Improved: "The efficacy of happiness-driven policies is exemplified by Denmark and Finland."

Inversion:

• Original: "Despite the fact that the economy still plays an irreplaceable role..."

• Improved: "Irreplaceable though the economy remains,..."

  
  

Metaphor:

• Original: "economic progress is not the only dimension of success; it is, rather, a narrow lens..."

• Improved: "Economic progress is but one thread in the tapestry of national success."

Jargon and absolutism:

• Original: "financial power is the foundation for further development."

• Improved: "Economic strength often serves as a springboard for broader development."

Humor, sarcasm, and irony:

• Original: "GDP alone may distort the true status quo."

• Improved: "Basing success on GDP alone is like judging a book by its price tag, not its pages."

Emphasis shifts:

• Original: "Instead of focusing on economic statistics, governments should shift attention to other crucial fields."

• Improved: "Economic statistics are not the focus. They are, rather, just one piece of the larger puzzle."

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

It goes without saying that in today 💥 wf: "today’s" mới đúng nha em era, individuals around the world tend to expect instant results, whether for various services or performing tasks. However, when it comes to the precise reasons for this phenonom 💥 sp: phải là "phenomenon" , the debate has become particularly intense. Some attribute this trend to technological advancements such as smart devices or the ever-expanding Internet while others points 💥 sv: số nhiều là "others point" chứ không có 's' to the demand stemming from the increasinly 💥 sp "increasingly" hectic living pace. The following essay will delve into the root causes for 💥 prep "of" thay vì "for" nha em this tendency and later draw a conclusion on 💥 prep: "about" hoặc "regarding" hợp lý hơn the desirability.

The desire for instantenous 💥 sp: "instantaneous" em nhé, thiếu chữ 'a' outcomes can be justified by our familiarity with rapid respones 💥 sp: "responses" quên 's' in technology, a direct consequence of the prioritization to reduce waiting time from major companies 💥 style: dùng "the prioritization by major companies to reduce waiting times" sẽ rõ nghĩa hơn em. This is the result of users’ demands for immediate actions 💥 wc: "action" số ít chung chung hay dùng singular and from 💥 gr: bỏ 'from' vì đã có "of" users’ demands… and our innate aversion… our innate aversion to wasting time. For instances 💥 n: "For instance" (số ít) mới đúng , from calling hotlines, finding information ro 💥 sp: "or" chứ không phải "ro" simply sending a message, no industry is exempt from the growing impatience. Paradoxically, the less time it takes to do something, the higher expectation 💥 n: phải là "expectations" số nhiều we have for it and hence cyclically request 💥 vf: "requests" quicker turnaround time 💥 wf: có thể thay bằng "times" hoặc "periods". The increasingly 💥"increasing" không cần 'ly', vì đang miêu tả pace pace of living also exerts a considerable influence on our mindset, requiring us to perform a myriad of tasks in a limited period, which results in the counterproductive multitasking workstyle 💥 wf: "multitasking work style" cách ra từ, "work style" hai từ. In failling 💥 sp: "failing" một chữ 'l' thôi em to do so, individuals shift their reliance to the aid of technology to achieve the same standards. With both the internal expectations and external demands for faster response, we are witnessing a perpetual cycle of the world expending resources to meet out 💥 sp: "our" chứ không phải "out" em insatiable wanting 💥 wc "desire" for “instant” result 💥 n: "results"

Em đang buồn ngủ hả? sai nhiều spelling quá

While this trend is aiding us in completing more tasks easily, it is by no means solely producing 💥 "…by no means solely beneficial." benefits. Rather, it serves as a catalyst in degrading our capability to concentrate and be patient. The normalization of instant outcomes and our never-ending expectations are virtually drawing a picture of life where everything can be done instantly 💥 style: có thể ngắn gọn: "portraying life as if everything can be done instantly" . Beautiful as it may seem, this is fundamentally misleading. It is encouraging individuals to prioritize easy-achieved 💥 wf: "easily achieved" goals over long-term objectives requiring persistence. The short contents 💥 n: "content" không đếm được on the Internet have also been proved to take a toll on the youngs’ 💥 wf "the young generation’s" hoặc "young people’s" focusing span and further damage their performance on extended projects. The granted ability to execute multitude 💥 wf: "a multitude of" phải thêm 'of' tasks instantly can, ironically, prevent us to cultivate 💥 gr: "from cultivating" – prevent sb from doing sth essential virtues for achieving major goals of life 💥 wc: "in life" chuẩn hơn.

In conclusion, I can contend 💥 style: "contend" đủ mạnh rồi, bỏ "can" that this trend is a mere product to satisfy our needs 💥 wc: "merely a product designed to satisfy our needs" in the current increasingly hectic world 💥 wc: đặt "increasingly hectic" trước "world" như "in our increasingly hectic world". However, the over-reliance on technology can cripple other crucial qualities like patience and concentration, enabling us to win small battles but lose the whole war.

Whether in a small circle of friends or in an entire community, the evident influences of each individual’s personality personalities 💥 e dùng each individual's .... are undisputed. However, when it comes to the determinants determinative factors 💥 that contribute to our personalities, the debate has become particularly intense. While some argue that our characteristics can be solely attributed to genetic factors genetic factor 💥 gr , others hold the conviction that it is the environmental factors aspect 💥 wc: aspect nghe chung chung that mostly affect one’s character. From my perspective, external influences such as family and the growing-up environment are significantly more dominant regardless irrespective 💥 wc: “regardless” tự nhiên hơn (“irrespective” hơi gồng) of what effects genes gene 💥 gr: số nhiều can exert.

My justification for mutable character traits aligns with the adage, “a bonsai’s figure is not limited to its inherent characteristics nor its same-kind’s appearance”. (câu gì ngắn hơn được ko.......... "Rivers are shaped by both their source and their course" hoặc "A seed’s bloom owes as much to fertile soil as to its own core.". While our genes can serve as a blueprint for our personality, personalities 💥 wf: thay bằng số ít, to overlook the results of years of nurturing and learning being nurtured and learning since our birth 💥 , is absurdly superficial. The plasticity plasticity nature 💥 wf: không cần “nature” of the human mind human mind 💥 has enabled us to change in accordance with our environment, rendering our character traits highly adaptable changeable 💥 wc . This is even more evident case is more compelling 💥 when we point to instances where children who are born borned 💥 sp: không “borned” with social anxiety, in a supportive environment in supporting environment 💥 , later become great public speakers or prominent social figures a social figures 💥 gr. Indeed, individuals tend to behave differently after major events in their lives life 💥 , and it is their behavior behaviours 💥 sp that reflect their personality.

On the flip side, proponents of predetermined characteristics hinge on the on 💥 argument that newborns already evidently possess posseses 💥 certain kinds kind 💥 gr of traits; as these are entirely coded in their genes, they will lead a life without changing their embedded traits. While the notion that genetic factors grant of genetic factors grant 💥 gr us early personalities holds true, there is simply no evidence no evidences 💥 gr: danh từ không đếm được let alone firm arguments, for the latter assumption. Human beings develop on the foundation of self-realization, their perception of the world and their own mindset, all of which are by no means immutable inmutable 💥 . In doing so, we inevitably adapt ourselves to the environment, making the degree of changes in our personalities depend depending 💥 gr: “making…depend” (rút gọn mệnh đề) hoặc “making…the degree of changes depend on…” on the on nature of events revolve 💥 gr nature or events around us. Our early character traits can be attributed to our genes, gene 💥 gr but the idea that they persist of them persist 💥 g until our death deathpoint 💥 wc is fundamentally flawed.

In conclusion, I can contend 💥 ôi giồi ôi that humans human 💥 gr are prone to changes, and that is applicable in every aspect every aspects 💥 gr including one’s personality personalities 💥 wf , We are wired to learn and tweak our mindset according to the surrounding 💥 ar environment and our past experiences. Acknowledging the limitless room for personal development developments 💥 wf environmental factors surely have the greatest effect on most effect 💥 wc our characteristics, regardless of how genes construct these traits early on.

1. Purpose and significance (Mục đích, ý nghĩa):

   • Original: “…the debate has become particularly intense.”

   • Improved: “…the debate has intensified, prompting a deeper examination of why we develop into who we are.”
     (Nêu rõ ý nghĩa: tại sao debate này quan trọng)

2. Precise and sophisticated vocabulary (Từ vựng chính xác, cao cấp):

   • Original: “…rendering our character traits changeable.”

   • Improved: “…rendering our character traits remarkably malleable.”
     (“malleable” nghe học thuật và chính xác)

3. Inversion (Đảo ngữ):

   • Original: “Our genes can serve as a blueprint for our personality.”

   • Improved (Inversion): “Not only can our genes serve as a blueprint for our personality, but they also…”
     (Đảo ngữ “Not only can…”)

4. Pun or oxymoron (Chơi chữ, oxymoron):

   • Original: “Environmental factors surely have the greatest effect…”

   • Improved with oxymoron: “Environmental factors impose a ‘gentle pressure’—a soft force that nonetheless molds our character with firm determination.”
     (“gentle pressure” là oxymoron nhẹ nhàng, vừa gentle vừa áp lực)

5. Sentence starts with V-ing (Bắt đầu câu bằng V-ing):

   • Original: “We are wired to learn and tweak our mindset…”

   • Improved: “Wiring ourselves to embrace new perspectives, we continuously adjust our mindset to align with evolving circumstances.”

6. Metaphor (original -> improved):

   • Original: “The plasticity of the human mind…”

   • Improved: “The human mind, like clay awaiting a sculptor’s touch, adapts gracefully to the contours of its environment.”

7. Jargon and absolutism (original -> improved):

   • Original: “Our characteristics are solely attributed to genetic factor…” (Quá tuyệt đối)

   • Improved: “While genetics provide initial tendencies, they do not unilaterally dictate the full scope of our character.”
     (Bớt tuyệt đối, bỏ jargon “solely attributed”)

8. Emphasis shift, parallelism, short sentence for clarity:

   • Original: “We adapt ourselves to the environment, making changes in our personality.”

   • Improved: “We adapt. Not forcefully, but gradually. Alone, a child may stumble; with nurturing, that same child thrives.”
     (Chuỗi câu ngắn, chuyển đổi trọng tâm, tương phản)

Em thích học ở thư viện đại học quốc gia bởi vì nó khá gần trường cấp 3 của em, chỉ một vài phút đi bộ và ở đó thì em cũng đỡ bị phân tâm hơn. Khi mà em đã bỏ công sức để đến đấy ngồi thì tự bản thân cũng sẽ có mong muốn để học tập trung và hiệu quả hơn.

· Do you prefer to study at home or in the library? ( Why?)

· What part of your school do you like the most?

· What do you find most interesting about your studies? (Why?)

· Which is more important to you—the teachers or the other students on your course? (Why?)

· How much time do you spend studying every week?

· How do you usually travel to the city where you study?

· Do you study best in the morning or the afternoon? (Why?)

· Which town or city do you live in now?

· Are there any things you don’t like about your area? (What are they?)

· Do you think you will continue to live there for a long time? (Why? Why not?)

· What are some changes in the area recently?

· Do you live in a house or an apartment?

· What is your favourite room in your home? (Why?)

· What things make your home pleasant to live in? (Why?)

· Are the people in your neighbourhood nice and friendly?

· Do you know any of your neighbours?

· Is the place where you live quiet or noisy?

· What kind of work do you do?

· What do you find most interesting about your work? (Why?)

· Which is more important to you – the people you work with or the work you do? (Why?)

· Do you work best in the morning or the afternoon? (Why?)

· Would you like to change the place you work? (Why?)

· Do you prefer to work at home or in the workplace ( Why?)

· What colour would you never use in your home?

· Can you describe the place where you live?

· What kind of housing accommodation do you live in?

· What do you like about your flat?

· Which room does your family spend most of the time in?

· What can you see from the windows where you live?

· Do you prefer living in a house or a flat?

· What would you like to change in your flat?

· What do you dislike about your flat?

· Is that a big city or a small place?

· How long have you been living here?

· For you, what benefits are there living in a big city?

· Is there anything you dislike about it?

· What do you like most about your hometown?

· Where in your country do you live?

· Are there many young people riding bicycles in VietNam?

· Would you cycle more in the future?

· Do you think bicycles would do well in your city?

· Did you ride a bike when you were little?

Huy:

I hop on my motorbike every single day, you know. Everyone keeps saying, “Wow, you go so far! And with all that studying, isn’t it exhausting?” But honestly, I get a kick out of the long rides—it gives me time to think. It’s a way to shape up my independence, you know.

Tao đi học bằng xe đạp, nhà cách trường 2km thôi mày ạ. Bọn bạn tao bảo sao ko mua xe máy, xe đạp phèn quá, nhưng tao thấy xe đạp ngầu mà, đi lách được vào ngõ ngách nên đến trg nhiều khi nhanh hơn đi xe máy. với cả đi xe đạp cũng giúp tao in shape mà.

Phuc:

I make my way on my bike since I’m only 2km from school. My buddies always ask me, saying, “Why not grab a motorbike? Biking is kind of uncool Yet I stick with my bicycle because I can slip through narrow alleys and sometimes I can show up at school in a flash, even faster than on a motorbike. Also, pedaling keeps me in shape.

___

hồi xưa mỗi tuần tao học ko nhiều lắm, nhưng vào cấp ba, tao bắt đầu tham gia mấy cuộc thi đội tuyển nên tao lao vào học. Học trâu lắm, trừ ngủ ra thì lúc nào cũng là lúc học. Với cả ngoài áp lực từ chương trình, mấy đứa bạn tao cũng giỏi, làm tao thấy luôn trong cuộc đua ý, nên tao học suốt.

Tao chả biết chính xác là tao dành bao nhiêu tgian nữa, vì các hoạt động cứ đan xen, còn bóng rổ, còn event nữa. Nhưng cái khác là hồi xưa tao cũng học nhưng học những gì người khác bảo chứ không như bây giờ. Giờ dù học nhiều hay học ít thì tao biết mục tiêu tương lai của tao rồi nên dễ.

____

những người xung quanh quan trọng chưs mày. Mọi người cưs bảo là thầy cô quan trọng nhưng VN có câu học thầy ko tày học bạn. Bạn toàn những người cungf mindset, lứa tuổi nên dễ chia sẻ với trao đổi mày ạ.

còn tao thì tao thấy thầy cô quan trọng hơn vì tao tập trung vào bài nhiều hơn là bạn. Bạn bè mà ngồi cùng mấy đứa thân thì chả báu bờr gì, chỉ tổ chit chat chả học được gì.

___

trường tao tập trung vào các môn tự nhiên nên tao thích mày ạ. Chả phải care mấy môn xàm xí như gíao dục công dân lịch sử, địa lý.

Còn tao thích trường tao vì hoạt động ngoại khoá mày ạ. Các trường khác toàn học học học mày ạ, chắc trường mày thế đấy nhưng ở đây trường tao bắt làm event nhièue lắm. Tao introvert nên vào đây cũng dạn dĩ ra. Thích.

H: My school zeroes in on (tập trung vào) the sciences from the get go , so I love it. I don’t have to mess around with those hard to swallow subjects like civic education, history, or geography. (thiếu nội dung)

P: And I really dig (thích) my school in part (một phần) because they go above and beyond with tons of extracurricular events. Other schools just grind away at (toàn cắm đầu học) their classes, and I bet yours is the same, yet here they force the pace and load us up with events, which gets me out of my shell (dạn dĩ ra) even though I’m an introvert.

Tao thích ở nhà mày ạ. Mỗi lần ra thư viện học, tao thấy không thoải mái bằng ở nhà vì cứ phải học cùng người lạ.

Đến thư viện học hiệu quả hơn, đến đấy mất thời gian nhưng tập trung hơn đấy. 1 tiếng ở thư viện chắc bằng mấy tiếng ở nhà

tối cnhat nộp video ghi hình hỏi nhau và tloi

viết bài viết Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 

Em thường hay share đồ dùng bở nó chỉ đơn giản là 1 act of kindness. Mọi người hay nói là what goes around comes around và em cũng đã luôn được nuôi lớn theo cách này. Đặc biệt là đối với đồ ăn ngọt bởi em không thích ăn ngọt nên em thấy share cho những người muốn nó hơn sẽ luôn là một điều tốt

• Pens and pencils: Do you prefer using pens or pencils? Why?

Em khá hiếm khi dùng bút chì bởi bình thường em dùng bút để ghi chép là chủ yếu. Nhưng mà bút chì thường có màu khá mờ và khó nhìn nên em không thích điều đấy. Có nhiều bạn sẽ muốn dùng bút chì bởi nó dễ tẩy, dễ xóa nhung mà em thấy nó không cần thiết đến vậy, nhất là khi bây giờ đã có bút xóa.

• News: How often do you read or watch the news? What kind of news interests you?

Em không có thói quen đọc báo hay xem thời sự bởi bình thường em không quan tâm tới những điều như thế cho lắm. Nếu có thì đó sẽ chỉ là khi em đọc báo như 1 cách để học tiếng anh bởi vì nó giúp mở rộng vốn từ khá tốt. Những lúc như thế em sẽ hay đọc về các phát minh hay các bước tiến lới trong công nghệ bởi em cảm giác nó relevant với cuộc sống bản thân hơn.

• Science: Did you enjoy science lessons at school? Why or why not?

Một điều khá thú vị là mặc dù em thích khoa học, đặc biệt là vật lý và thích tìm hiểu về cơ chế của mọi thứ xung quanh, em không thích những môn này ở trường. Chủ yếu là do em thấy cách dạy của Việt Nam tại nếu so sánh nó với giáo trình Cambridge mà em đã có cơ hội học ở cấp 2, Việt Nam dạy rộng chứ không sâu nên cảm giác không gây hứng thú được để học sinh có thể thấy nó hay và tự tìm hiểu.

• Libraries: Do you think libraries are still important in the digital age? Why?

Mọi người hay nói về kiểu giá trị của sách khi nhắc tới chủ đề này nhưng đối với em, việc mọi thứ được số hóa và công dụng của thư viện không liên quan đến thế. Tại thật ra em cũng chưa bao giờ đến thư viện để đọc sách mà cũng chả quen ai làm thế cả, chủ yếu em đến thư viện là bởi vì nó có không gian để em tập trung học thôi. Thế nên là dù có số hóa hay không thì em thấy thư viện vẫn cần thiết để tạo không gian làm việc chung cho cộng đồng.

• Languages: How many languages can you speak? Which one is the most difficult for you?

Em vốn không thích học ngoại ngữ và chỉ học bởi vì nó cần thiết nên ngoài tiếng việt em cũng chỉ biết tiếng anh và tiếng pháp. Em chọn học tiếng pháp chỉ bởi vì trường em yêu cầu học sinh phải học thêm ngoại ngữ thứ 2 và em cảm giác tiếng pháp dễ học nhất. Nhưng cũng chính bởi em không có nhu cầu và động lực để học nên khả năng tiếng pháp của em khá tệ, nên là đấy là tiếng mà em thấy khó nhất trong cả 3.

• Art: Have you ever tried creating any form of art yourself? What kind?

Hồi trước em đã học vẽ 2 năm và học đàn piano 3 năm nhưng đều đã bỏ hết tại em không thấy hứng thú. Mọi người cứ bảo học đi để phát triển nhưng mà em thấy nó chỉ là tốn gian làm một việc mình không thích. Thế nhưng mà vào cấp 3 tự nhiên em được tiếp xúc với máy ảnh và đang trong giai đoạn tìm hiểu sâu hơn để xem có thật sự thích chụp ảnh không.

• Weekends: What do you usually do on the weekend? Do you prefer to relax or be active?

Đối với em thì khoảng thời gian cuối tuần hoặc là để cày bài tập hoặc là để chơi thể thao hay đi với bạn bè chú không bao giờ là thời gian để em thư giãn ở nhà. Tại em thấy rõ ràng 2 việc kia đều có nghĩa chú việc nghỉ ở nhà vừa tốn thời gian không để làm gi. Hằng ngày thì mình vẫn có giờ nghỉ giải lao và thỉnh thoảng có đi du lịch nên em thấy việc nghỉ cuối tuần thật sự khá vô nghĩa.

• Staying up: Do you often stay up late? What do you usually do when you stay up late?

Chắc chắn là một học sinh, nhất là ở Việt Nam, thì không thể nào tránh khỏi tình trạng thức đêm. Thế nhưng mà so sánh với các bạn thì em không hay thức đêm và em cũng chả thích thức đêm. Hồi trước thì em cũng hay thức để học bài thật nhưng dần dần em thấy học lúc đấy không hiệu quả nên là kể cả khi bài nhiều, em sẽ thà chọn ngủ lúc 11h rồi dậy lúc 3-4h còn hơn là thức đến 1-2h.

Hồi trước thì em có học đàn piano được 3 năm rồi bỏ nhưng mà đấy cũng lâu rồi nên để mà nói trắng ra thì em không biết chơi nhạc cụ gì cả. Nhiều khi em cũng muốn học thử để tập chơi nhưng mà vào cấp 3 thì bài tập, dự án cũng nhiều nên không có thời gian mà tập. Nhiều khi nhắc đến nghệ thuật thì em cứ tự an ủi là thôi ít nhất cần thì mình vẫn có thú vui là chụp ảnh nên là đủ dùng

• Films: Do you prefer watching films at home or in the cinema? Why

Điều đấy còn tùy vào trường hợp bởi trải nghiệm mà 2 việc ấy khác hẳn nhau. Nếu như chỉ để giải trí đơn giản lúc rảnh hay xem những bộ phim dài tập  thì em sẽ xem ở nhà cho nhanh và tiện. Còn những dịp nào như đi chơi với bạn bè, gia đình hay mới có bộ phim bom tấn thật sự hay thì lúc đó em chắc chắn sẽ chọn đi xem rạp bởi trải nghiệm nó sẽ tốt hơn rất nhiều.

• Doing sports: Do you play any sports regularly? Which one?

Tuy khá là lạ nhưng mà bản thân em thì dù là 1 thằng con trai thích vận động nhưng em lại không biết chơi bóng đá mà hay chơi bóng rổ với cầu lông. Vốn thì em thích chơi bóng rổ hơn và cũng chơi bóng rổ được khoảng thời gian lâu hơn nhưng mà đa số thời gian, chẳng hạn như trong tiết thể dục thì lớp em cũng chả ai chơi bóng rổ nên để chơi được cùng với mọi người em sẽ chọn cầu lông.

• Holidays: What’s your favorite holiday? How do you usually celebrate it?

Đối với bản thân em thì em cũng giống đa số mọi người ở việt nam thôi, em thích nhất là tết. Tết thì là một trong những kì nghỉ có thể được coi là dài hiếm hoi của học sinh và cũng là dịp để em về quê thăm ông bà, anh em họ. Hồi còn trẻ con thì em cũng thích tết phần lớn là vì có tiền lì xì nhưng mà càng ngày thì em lại thấy nó càng không quan trọng lắm tại dù gì thì em cũng không dùng đến.

• Relaxing: How do you like to relax after a busy day? Do you think it's important to relax?

Sau một ngày dài mệt mỏi thì em thấy giải pháp tốt nhất cho bản thân là đi ngủ. Em đã tìm hiểu về chủ đề này khá nhiều và kĩ và rõ ràng là giấc ngủ là một trong những điều tối quan trọng đối với sức khỏe. Đó chính là khoảng thời gian để cơ thể nghỉ ngơi cả về thể chất và tinh thần và để sẵn sàng cho một ngày mới với nhiều năng lượng hơn.

• T-shirts: Do you buy T-shirts often? What do you consider when choosing a T-shirt?

Hồi trước thì em cũng thích đi mua đồ mới mặc nhưng lớn lên dần thì em cũng bắt đầu ít quan tâm đến chuyện đấy đi. Chủ yếu là bởi vì khi tham gia các hoạt động ngoại khóa hay các sự kiện thì việc mua áo của tổ chức đấy cũng là bắt buộc nên khi em tham gia nhiều dần thì lượng quần áo cũng nhiều lên và không còn cần thiết để mua thêm đồ nữa.

• Outer space and stars: Do you believe humans will live in space one day? Why or why not?

Có lẽ là hồi trẻ con ai cũng từng có mong muốn được khám phá vũ trụ, và em cũng đã từng dành rất nhiều thời gian để tìm hiểu về việc đấy. Qua đấy thì em thấy với sự tiến bộ của khoa học hiện nay việc sống trong vũ trụ trong tương lai là một điều hoàn toàn khả thi. Chúng ta đã bắt đầu tìm hiểu các điều kiện để cho phép cây cối sinh trưởng được ở ngoài vũ trụ và em tin rằng sớm hay muộn chúng ta sẽ đủ khả năng để làm điều tương tự với con người.

• Numbers: Do you think numbers are important in daily life? Can you give an example?

Rõ ràng là con số đóng vai trò rất quan trọng trong cuộc sống của chúng ta. Chúng ta dùng số cho tất cả  sự tính toán, ước lượng hằng ngày và em thật sự nghĩ là chưa từng co ai trong chúng ta đặt câu hỏi về giá trị của các con số bởi nó quá hiển nhiên. Bởi cứ thử hình dung 1 xã hội mà không dùng tới số, làm thế nào để chúng ta có thể buôn bán, xây dựng hay phát triển về mặt khoa học, thứ vốn dựa vào các công thức và con số

• Keys: How do you feel when you lose your keys? What do you do in that situation?

Có lẽ như hầu hết mọi người, việc mất chìa khóa là một việc khá nghiêm trọng và bởi vậy em cũng sẽ thường có xu hướng hoảng loạn. Bởi nếu như chúng ta thật sự mất chìa khóa nhà hay chìa khóa xe thì hậu quả nó gây ra là rất lớn. Tuy vậy thì đa số các trường hợp chỉ chủ yếu là do chúng ta để quên ở đâu đấy nên thường thì em sẽ cố gắng bình tĩnh và nhớ kĩ lại xem lần cuối mình để nó ở đâu để tìm lại.

• Chocolate: Is chocolate popular in your country? When do people usually eat it?

Trẻ con thì ai cũng thích đồ ngọt cả thôi thế nên việc chocolate phổ biến ở Việt Nam cũng không có gì lạ. Cũng chính bởi thế mà thường thì chỉ trẻ con mới hay ăn chocolate như một món đồ ăn vặt chứ người lớn hay ng già thì chẳng bao giờ động đến. Tuy vậy thì đúng là trong một số trường hợp như kiểu ngày valentine hay christmas thì giới trẻ cũng sẽ tặng bạn đời của mình chocolate như một truyền thống văn hóa.

• Jewellery: Have you ever given jewellery as a gift? What was the occasion?

Cũng như mọi người nói thôi, tuổi học sinh là cái tuổi ăn tuổi học tuổi chơi nên thật ra em cũng không bao giờ để ý đến những món trang sức đắt tiền lắm mà chủ yếu quan tâm những điều cần thiết và thiết thực hơn. Và cũng chắc bởi mọi người đều nghĩ vậy nên cũng chẳng ai tặng cho bọn tuổi học sinh trang sức và có lẽ những đứa tầm tuổi em cũng chẳng ai mong đợi được tặng trang sức đến thế. Và ở một góc độ khác thì nó cũng khá risky để cho mấy đứa tí tuổi đầu đeo những món đồ đắt tiền trên người ra ngoài

Introduction:
Whether for minor crimes such as pickpocket or shoplifting 💥 wc: collocation - nên là petty crimes like pickpocketing or theft, or major laws breachs 💥 gr: plural -> major breaches of the law, societal transgressions are undisputedly a global issue. However, when it comes to the precise causes for these types of behaviours, the debate has become particularly intense. While some attribute this to other 💥 redundancy: không cần "other" vì không rõ cái nào là "first", deeply rooted social problems like poverty, others point to an individual’s inherent nature as the main foundation. The following essay will delve into these distinct perspectives before stating my own conviction, which posits that both notions hold true with the former one being more dominant.

Body Paragraph 1:
My justifications for poverty driving taking crimes 💥 wc -> nên là criminal activities align with the adage, “desparate 💥 sp: desperate times call for desparate 💥 sp measures.” Poverty remains as 💥 gr an urgent issue around the globe. In this setting, many individuals are left with no choice but to perform social transgressions purely to survive 💥 wc từ "social transgressions" gượng quá - đổi thành commit crimes out of desperation for survival. To see the effect of it 💥 witness its impact, we need not to look further than 💥 need not look further than hoặc là need look no further than the case of Venezuela, where crime rate immediately surged 💥 gr - the crime rate surged after a major downfall in national economy 💥 gr - the national economy. The argument is more compelling when we consider cases of one being inflicted with 💥 gr those suffering from serious diseases that require a considerable amount of money to get treatment 💥 wc:substantial financial resources for treatment.

Added to this is the lack of education experienced by a number of countries. Lacking easy access to this field 💥 wc: Limited access to education, many families hold a fundamentally flawed belief that education is not essential, depriving their children from 💥 gr: sai giới từ -> deprive sb of opportunities to fully develop their mindset and holistics perception 💥 wc/sp: holistic perspectives, and hence perpetuates the poverty cycle. By letting this unaddressed 💥 gr this issue remain unaddressed, the young generation is also prone to possessing inadequate qualifications 💥 wc -> lacking proper qualifications for proper jobs, partly obliterating their professional and social mobility on the whole. Without practical approachs 💥 sp: approaches to tackle these problems, committing crimes is inevitable as a means to satisfy human’s desire to survive 💥 wc: basic human survival needs.

On the flip side, there are cases where a person’s nature is the sole logical explanation for their misdeeds. Some criminals have been recorded to display 💥 wc: -> are known to display psychopathic tendencies from a young age, reflecting their true unhinged traits. For instance, having a pleasant childhood 💥 gr -> Despite having a pleasant childhood, Ted Buddy, paradoxically, set his mark in human history 💥 wc -> became notorious as one of the most infamous serial killers. This argument does not only applicable for lunatic people 💥 gr ẹc -> not only applies to lunatics but also to fully conscious individuals as well 💥 wc to fully conscious individuals (có also rồi ko có as well nữa mà). A myriad of real-life evidence such as financial fraud like Bernie Madoff has highlighted 💥 gr: - highlights how greed, rather than social issues, can drive criminal behaviours 💥 wc -> fuels crime. In light of this, it should be acknowledged that even though a stable setting can yield lower crime rate 💥 gr - a lower crime rate, it does not guarantee anything since the influence of unpredictable nature of individual still carries weight 💥 wc -> as individual tendencies remain unpredictable.

In conclusion, I contend that, be it rare or not 💥 wc: lủng củng - dù có hiếm hay không chắc e định bổ nghĩa cho chỗ nào khác chứ? , both social problems and one’s mindset can result in illegal actions. Societal issues including lack of education and poverty, nevertheless, can be attributed as the prime factors 💥 gr/wc: collocation - are the primary drivers that compel people to commit misdeed 💥 wc/sp: commit misdeeds for their very own survival. In other uncommon circumstances, individuals’ greedy and unhinged nature 💥 wc: innate greed and instability can render them breaching serious laws 💥 gr - breaking major laws.

Suggestions to Improve:

∎ Clarity and Precision:
Original: "Poverty remains as an urgent issue."
Improved: "Poverty remains an urgent global issue."

∎ Sophisticated Vocabulary:
Original: "Depriving their children from opportunities..."
Improved: "Depriving their children of opportunities to develop holistically."

∎ Imagery Language:
Original: "Without practical approaches..."
Improved: "Without a lifeline of practical solutions, crime becomes the inevitable refuge for survival."

∎ Advanced Colloquial:

"Desperate times don’t just call for measures—they call for survival instincts on steroids."

∎ Pun:
"Crime might pay, but society foots the bill."

∎ Inversion Sentence:
"Not only does poverty fuel desperation, but it also perpetuates societal inequities."

∎ Prepositional Phrase:
"In the absence of education, poverty tightens its grip on future generations."

The given illustrations delineate the monthly expenses applied for 💥 wc: 'applied to' in a country located in Europe between January and September of 2002.

Overall, it is observable that the cost of using a Domo 💥 ‘the Domo’ was by far the highest for most of the time, which is the complete opposite for 💥 wc: 'of' Sim TX. Another striking point 💥 wc: 'notable trend' is that June 2002 witnessed dramatic shifts in all of mobile phone lines 💥 wc: awkward -> 'across all mobile phone models' while the majority of them are recorded to experience upward trends 💥 gr: tense -> 'experienced upward trends' throughout the period.

Regarding the Domo, commencing at 15 euros in January, it fluctuated before escalating 💥 wc: dramatic quá -> 'increasing' by 8 euros from April to July, hitting the apex of 💥 gr:x 'at' 14 euros. The trend was followed by a 2-euro drop, leaving the first position for 💥 wc: -> 'losing its leading position to' Sim TX. This mobile phone quintupled from 5 euros, which had persisted until June 💥 gr: -> 'a price it maintained until June', to precisely 25 euros in the end 💥 wc: -> 'by September', surpassing every other cell phone.

Turning to the monthly costs of those with more negligible changes 💥 wc: 'less pronounced changes' , Lex hit the trough 💥 wc: cụm kia vừa idiomatic vừa cliched -> 'reached its lowest point' of 10 euros after dwindling by 2 euros from 12 euros. In the next period, it underwent a slight increment 💥 wc: 'small increase' of 3 euros and fluctuations around 13 euros 💥 gr: -> 'near 13 euros', swapping its position with the third place held by Alpha 💥 gr:-> 'with Alpha, which initially held third place' and then escalated to just under 20 euros in the last 4 months 💥 gr -> 'four months'. Until June, cost for Alpha had been witnessing 💥 gr: -> 'the cost of Alpha rose from' an upward trend from 4 to 14 euros despite a minimal decrease at the beginning 💥 wc: -> 'in the early months.' However, this figure plunged dramatically since then 💥 gr: -> 'thereafter', registering a cost that is 1-euro lower than the original price in the end 💥 wc: -> '1 euro lower than its initial price by September.'

IMPROVED

The charts above track the fluctuating costs of four types of mobile phones across nine months in 2002 in a European country. The data reveals colossal shifts in pricing trends, particularly in June, with Domo retaining dominance initially but later being overtaken by Sim TX.

Overall, Domo exhibited the highest costs until the middle of the year, while Sim TX experienced an unprecedented surge, finishing as the most expensive option. Conversely, Lex and Alpha demonstrated more stable yet contrasting dynamics, with Lex gaining momentum late in the year while Alpha declined dramatically after mid-year.

The Domo began at 15 euros in January, fluctuated slightly, and peaked sharply at 23 euros in July. However, it then dropped by 2 euros by September, yielding its leading position to Sim TX. Sim TX remained stagnant at 5 euros until June but soared by a whopping 400%, ending at 25 euros.

Lex declined modestly from 12 euros to 10 euros early on but bucked the trend after June, gaining 10 euros over three months and closing at 20 euros. Alpha, on the other hand, rose steadily from 4 euros to 14 euros by June, only to plummet to 3 euros by September, marking the most dramatic reversal among all models.

Để lên điểm

Task Achievement (TA): 8.5 -> 9.0

• Technical details: Include precise terms like "monthly costs" instead of "expenses applied for."

• Clarity and precision: Specify all data points with exact months and euros, avoiding vague phrases.

• Purpose and significance: Clearly analyze the implications of trends (e.g., dominance shifts, dramatic reversals).

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0 -> 8.5

• Wider range of linking phrases: Use connectors like “by comparison,” “in contrast to,” and “similarly.”

• Logical progression: Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs (e.g., "Turning now to...").

Vocabulary (VC): 7.0 -> 9.0

• Precise and sophisticated vocabulary: Replace "striking point" with “notable trend,” and avoid casual expressions like "in the end."

• Avoid repetition: Use synonyms and include advanced phrases like "bucking the trend," "unprecedented surge," and "plummeted."

Grammar (GR): 7.0 -> 9.0

• A variety of complex sentence structures: Use participle phrases (“Domo, starting at 15 euros, fluctuated slightly”).

• Grammatical accuracy: Avoid errors in tense, article usage, and plural forms.

Whether for educational or career advancement opportunities, the notion of pursuit achievement 💥 wc: không collocate -> pursuing achievement in these fields is undoubtedly beneficial. However, when this trend results in a decreasing amount of time invested for families 💥 gr: phải là "time spent with families" , the debate on the desirability of this outcome has become particularly intense. The following essay will delve into the precise causes and illustrates 💥 gr: hoặc em bỏ will ở trc, hoặc em bỏ s ở illustrate đi undesired effects of this tendency.

My first explanation hinges on the idea that moving away can benefit one’s career mobility. Relocating their jobs according to perceived advantages in each region can aid in increasing career prospects and promotions. To see the power of doing so, we need not look further / "This can be seen in the case" ngắn gọn hơn than the case of Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, who has been recognizing 💥 vt: "recognized" mới đúng, sao phức tạp thì vậy em nhỉ, essay chỉ quan trọng đúng thì, speaking mới cần phô thì để diễn đạt nhiều sự kiện xra vào nhiều tigan khác nhau the merits in terms of career 💥 wc: "career-wise" ngắn hơn mà hay hơn when professionals flock to tech hubs like Silicon Valley. Beyond the realm of occupation, going abroad also provides individuals with access to higher-level and better quality education. Not only teenagers are striving for a spot in prestigious foreign universities, but their parents are also guiding them toward this objective. 💥 gr: S-V lỗi, thêm "Not only are teenagers..." mới đúng cấu trúc đảo ngữ This approach, in the current era, is by no means an unexplainable and baffling move 💥 chỉ cần "far from baffling". It is, rather, a prevalent mindset among the public. By doing so, for either career or education, this generation is sacrificing their time spent for family and the circumstance where this trend is curtailed is of low likelihood. 💥 verbose + unnatural: "This generation sacrifices family time, and reversing this trend seems unlikely."

Performing these movements obviously brings with its sets of demerits 💥 dùng demerit gây mất thiện cảm vì formal quá với essay: sửa "has clear downsides/ hoặc is not wihtout its own sets of challenges". Being away from families implies exposing the young people to more risks and dangers. As there is no parental supervision, there is no one who can cover detrimental results inflicted by teenagers, if there are any. 💥 unnatural: "no one can mitigate the risks caused by teenagers." In this setting, acknowledged that distinctions certainly exist when it comes to the lives of individuals in their hometown compared to that of students in a foreign country with different laws and culture, there is no guaranteed advice stemming from years of first-hand experience that the young can access to. 💥 verbose + gr: câu lê thê "Students living abroad face challenges from unfamiliar laws and cultures without access to first-hand family advice." This living style also leads to a scenario where opportunities to strengthen family bond are at minimal 💥 wc: "minimal" thôi em nhé. With the lack of interactions between family members, the love in this kind of relationship might not be cultivated, leaving part of them feeling unfulfilled. 💥 verbose: "family love weakens, leaving members feeling unfulfilled."

In conclusion, this tendency can be justified by individuals’ desires to open a door to a more prospective world for both of the educational and career aspects 💥 wc: "both education and career" gọn hơn. However, being a double-edge 💥 sp: edged sword, staying away from families not only puts teenagers at risks 💥 gr: "at risk" chứ but also derives individuals of any age chances to bolstering connections within their families 💥 wc + gr: "deprives individuals of opportunities to strengthen family bonds."

∎ Clarity and precision:

• Original: "Relocating their jobs according to perceived advantages in each region can aid in increasing career prospects and promotions."

• Improved: "Relocating to regions with better opportunities boosts career prospects and promotions."

∎ Logical progression using subtle linkers:

• Original: "By doing so, for either career or education, this generation is sacrificing their time spent for family..."

• Improved: "By doing so, for education or career, they sacrifice family time, and such sacrifices often come at a great cost."

∎ Precise and sophisticated vocabulary:

• Original: "This approach, in the current era, is by no means an unexplainable and baffling move."

• Improved: "In today’s era, this approach is far from irrational."

∎ Imagery language:

• Original: "This living style also leads to a scenario where opportunities to strengthen family bond are at minimal."

• Improved: "This lifestyle frays the threads of familial bonds, leaving them barely stitched together."

∎ Advanced written colloquials:

1. "Students living abroad face unique hurdles that home advice simply cannot untangle."

2. "Career aspirations may open doors, but they often slam the ones to family time shut."

∎ Inversion sentence:

• "Rarely do families recover from the emotional distance created by prolonged separations."

∎ Sentence starting with V-ing:

• "Pursuing higher education abroad often entails leaving emotional ties behind."

∎ Sentence starting with prepositional phrases:

• "In the absence of family, teenagers abroad face challenges without a safety net."

∎ Emphasis shift sentence:

• "It is not familial bonds that this generation prioritizes. It is, rather, their relentless pursuit of career success."

Whether for educational or career advancements opportunities 💥 wc -> career advancement opportunities, the notion of pursuing achievement in these field 💥 gr -> these fields is undoubtedly beneficial. However, when it comes to the diminishing time spent on families, the debate on the desirability of this trend has become particularly intense. The following essay will delve into the precise causes and demonstrate undesired outcomes of this tendency.

My first explanation hinges on the idea that moving away can benefit one’s career and academic mobility. Career-wise, relocating to regions with better opportunities boosts career prospects and promotions. This can be seen in the case of Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Meta, who recognized occupational merits when professionals flock to tech hubs like Silicon Valley 💥 wc: hơi cụt -> to renowned tech hubs such as Silicon Valley for better opportunities. Beyond the realm of education, going abroad also provides individuals with access higher-level and enhanced quality education 💥 gr: thiếu "to" -> access to higher-level and enhanced-quality education. Not only are children striving for a spot in prestigious foreign universities, but their parents are also guiding them toward this objective. In today’s era, this approach is far from baffling. It is, rather, a prevalent mindset among the public. By doing so, for education or occupation 💥 -> whether for education or career, this generation is sacrificing famility 💥 sp: -> family time, and such sacrifice usually come 💥 gr: chủ ngữ số ít -> sacrifice usually comes at a great cost.

Executing this movement can take a toll on individuals’ safety and families’ bonds. The reason behind this is because 💥 -> simply outside of parental supervision, youngters 💥 sp: youngsters are exposed to more risk and danger. The case is most compelling when we acknowledge that nothing can be done by parents to mitigate the risks caused by teenagers. This issue is aggravated since students living abroad often face hurdles from unfamiliar laws and cultures that home advices simply cannot untangle 💥 stylistic: lủng củng -> because students abroad often encounter legal and cultural hurdles their parents cannot address from afar. Such lifestyle also frays 💥 gr: số ít -> a lifestyle also frays the threads of familial bonds, leaving them barely stitched together. Without adequate interactions, the instances in which family love can be strengthen or even successfully maintained is 💥 gr -> strengthened or even successfully maintained are reported to be rare. Career and academic aspirations may open doors, but they often slam the ones to family shut.

In conclusion, the tendency to stay away from individual’s 💥 gr -> individuals’ home can be justified by the desire to reach higher in the ladder of occupation and education 💥 wc -> in their professional and academic pursuits. However, this gives rise to a concerning notion - the prioritization of pursuing feats over familial bonds. The constant stage of being at risk while being deprived of opportunities to bolster family love arise 💥 gr -> arises as a result.

∎ Clarity and Precision

• Original: Career and academic aspirations may open doors, but they often slam the ones to family shut.

• Improved: Career and academic pursuits can unlock new opportunities, yet they often close the door to meaningful family connections.
  Giải thích: dùng "unlock" và "close the door" tạo hình ảnh rõ hơn. 🌟

∎ Logical Progression Using Subtle Linkers

• Original: Beyond the realm of education, going abroad also provides individuals with access to higher-level and enhanced-quality education.

• Improved: Beyond education, such opportunities also grant access to superior academic resources, fostering unparalleled personal growth.
  Giải thích: Mình thêm từ "such" để liên kết mềm mại hơn

∎ Precise and Sophisticated Vocabulary

• Original: By doing so, for education or occupation, this generation is sacrificing family time.

• Improved: This pursuit of education or occupation invariably comes at the cost of cherished family time.
  Giải thích: "Cherished family time" nghe ấm áp và chi tiết hơn.

∎ Advanced Written Colloquials

1. For many, chasing dreams abroad is not just a choice; it's a leap of faith.

2. Living away might promise gold, but it often delivers rust.

∎ Inversion Sentence

• Rarely do individuals realize the immense cost of sacrificing family for fleeting success.

∎ Starting with V-ing

• Sacrificing family connections, many pursue goals that might ultimately feel hollow.

∎ Starting with Prepositional Phrases

• In pursuit of ambition, individuals frequently overlook the treasures of familial bonds.

∎ Emphasis Shift Sentence

• This trend is not merely concerning; it is, rather, a ticking time bomb for families.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

Whether for curriculum at school or at extra classes, the importance of online learning is undisputed. However, when it comes to the chance of this style superseding convetional 💥 sp: conventional education, the debate has become particularly intense. While some argue that e-learning should take the role as it brings convenience, flexibility and can minimizes 💥 thật luôn? can minimize wasted time, others hold that face-to-face class has it own irreplaceable natures 💥 gr: classes have their own irreplaceable qualities such as low-distracting 💥 wc: fewer distractions and higher teacher’s authority and control. The following essay will delve into these contrasting perspectives before giving my own conclusion, which posits that e-learning can only supplant traditional learning in certain scenarios.

L

Proponents of online education hinge on the argument that this approach grants users the ability to allocate studying time in accordance with their personal schedule while eliminating inessential time for commuting 💥 wc: unnecessary commuting time. In current era 💥 wc: the modern era, online courses have become more prevalent and can easily exceed face-to-face classes in terms of number 💥 wc: availability. This trend can be demonstrated with the rise of Udemy, Khan Academy or Edx 💥 gr: by the rise of platforms like Udemy, Khan Academy, and EdX, all of which have been approved and are even authorized to give recognized certifications 💥 wc: issue certified qualifications. In light of this, population all around the globe nowadays can access to self-paced high-quality education 💥 gr/wc: people worldwide can now access high-quality, self-paced education without the need to move to any institutions. This case is still compelling regarding participation in scheduled classes as its quality of being time-saving carries weight 💥 wc: time-saving nature remains significant. What e-learning offers is far from trivial. When combined, they become, rather, a practical solution for those living distantly from school to avoid extended time on road in rush hours 💥 wc: commuting during rush hours and, at the same time, enabling 💥 gr song song với become: enable them to have full control over their timetable.

Body Paragraph 2:

However, opting for online education undeniably comes with its set of challenges, which can be all addressed by 💥 wc: all be mitigated through real-life interactions. Lacking of 💥 gr chủ ngữ nên là danh từ chính thay vì gerund: The lack of instructor’s supervision, students can easily sped their studying time 💥 gr: spend their study time on other personal or leisure activities while still participating in online platforms. The case is aggravated as online learning gives rise to an unprecedented issue in traditional class setting - unstable internet connection 💥 wc: issue uncommon in traditional classrooms: unstable internet connections. Irrespective of its real frequency, students can alway rely on it 💥 sp: always use it as an excuse that can be denied by their teachers 💥 gr/wc: teachers cannot refute, giving them more room to do every irrelevant activities 💥 gr/wc: any irrelevant activity in a classroom environment. In comparison, not only does conventional education bring little to no distraction as there are limited things you can do 💥 wc: distractions are limited, it also provides teacher with ability to spot 💥 gr/wc: enables teachers to identify such behaviors and perform appropriate approach 💥 wc: take appropriate actions, enhancing the lessons’quality 💥 gr: quality of lessons. Face-to-face learning is by no means an obsolete studying style but rather the one with unparalleled benefits 💥 wc: far from obsolete; it boasts unmatched advantages in terms of learners’ concentration.

In conclusion, e-learning may open door to 💥 gr: open the door to a more convenient and effective world, but it certainly slam the one to guaranteed student’s focus shut 💥 gr/wc: shuts the door on guaranteed student focus. Acknowledged personalized schedules offered by distant education 💥 wc: distance learning, I contend that, for essential school curriculum, institutions should proceed to apply 💥 wc: continue adopting face-to-face learning style.

Lỗi:

2. ghi hình với 2 đề đã có script

3. khắc phúc vde chợt âm, thiếu tròn vành rõ chữ. Nếu tiếp tục --> 6. pronun

các loại:

• Quy trình vận hành của máy (khó)

• Quy trình sản xuất (dễ)

Bố cục bài: Gồm 3 đoạn

• Mở: tên + xu hướng chung (tổng số bước + bước đầu to bước cuối)

• Thân: 2 đoạn, mỗi đoạn 3-4 câu

  • Yêu cầu ngôn ngữ:

    • thì hiện tại hoàn thành

    • passive

    • từ chỉ quy trình + cái gì bị làm sao + which để nối câu --> kể - tả - để

template:

• Introduction:

  • Given is the diagram illustrate how sth is produced/ made/ proccessed.

  • Overall, the process is composed of number steps, from starting point to final outcome

• Body 1:

  The initial step is when [starting action/process] [is performed], and then [second step] happens, which causes [result of second step]. Once [third step] [has been achieved], [fourth action] is carried out by [who/what], and [fifth action] is done to [the object]. From here, [next action] is performed in order to [purpose of the action]. The [object] is then [action] and subsequently [action], leading to [next phase in the process].

• Body 2:

  In order to [achieve the final result], first of all, [what needs to be done]. Next, [second step] is performed, and [third step] is completed to [finalize the process]. Meanwhile, [a related action] is performed, and once [trigger event], [final action] is executed. After [optional step/action] [is done], the [object] is ready for [final purpose]. At this point, [additional optional steps] can be taken. The final step is to [enjoy/end the process]

Essay with Corrections

Given is the diagram illustrating how tomatoes are processed.

Overall, the process is composed of 15 steps, from harvesting tomatoes to using it 💥 wc: them together with food.

The initial step is when tomatoes are collected from the farm, and then sorting phase occurs 💥 gr "sorted" chứ nhỉ. This has tomatoes prepared to be transported to the factory. Once stalk, seeds, and skin of tomatoes are removed, the fruits are then put into a container to be crushed by the machine 💥 gr: unnecessary -> crushed by a machine. From here, sugar, vinegar, and salt are added to the liquid that will enter the boiling phase 💥 gr: -> before it is boiled. This mixture is then left for two hours to condensed 💥 vf: condense and form marketable ketchup.

In order to sell it into users’ hands 💥 wc: -> to customers, first of all, tomato sauce must be poured into a bottle 💥 gr: bottles for consistency. Next, labelling is performed, and tests are executed to ensure that standard quality is met 💥 gr -> quality standards are met. After being packaged, the ketchup bottle 💥 pl: bottles are ready to be delivered to the supermarket. At this point, these ketchup are 💥 gr: -> bottles are only waiting for buyers to get and use them with hamburgers and fries.

IMPROVED

The diagram provides useful insights into the detailed 15-step process of tomato processing, from harvesting to final consumption alongside meals.

Initially, tomatoes are harvested from farms and carefully sorted to remove any defective produce. Once sorted, the tomatoes are transported to the factory, where their stems, seeds, and skin are systematically removed. The cleaned tomatoes are then crushed by a machine, producing a liquid mixture. Subsequently, sugar, vinegar, and salt are added to this mixture before it undergoes a boiling process. Following this, the sauce is allowed to condense for two hours, transforming into high-quality, market-ready ketchup.

For packaging, the condensed ketchup is poured into bottles, which are accurately labeled and rigorously tested to meet quality standards. After being packaged, the bottles are distributed to supermarkets, where they await customers. Ultimately, these ketchup bottles are used as a perfect accompaniment to dishes like hamburgers and fries, showcasing the meticulous efforts of the production process.

Whether for personal independence or economic survival, the importance of financial literacy is undisputed. Yet, with no end to the ongoing rise in the tendency of students graduating high school without any money-managing knowledge in sight, much discussion has been rightly devoted to the precise causes of it 💥 gr: "of it" thiếu tự nhiên -> of this issue. While some argue that it is the designed 💥 wc: sai từ, "designed" nghe nặng nề -> outdated curriculum to blame, others point to parental control as a contributing factor. The following essay will delve into the triggers for this phenomenon and propose practical pre-emptive measures accordingly.

Body Paragraph 1:
The failure to educate teenagers on financial management can be primarily attributed to the lack of inclusion in school syllabus, if not a persistent parenting style that has full control over children’s money. In Vietnam alone, while teachers force students to learn algebra, literacy or history intensely, no focus was 💥 gr: thì hiện tại mà? -> is placed on the study of personal cash flow, let alone teaching a dedicate 💥 wf: form sai -> dedicated subject related to this field. This kind of curriculum is in stark contrast with the educational agendas in more developing 💥 wc e phải tập check bài trc khi gửi cô -> more developed countries such as the United States or those in Europe. Such a tendency creates a concerning gap between real-life world 💥 wc: thừa "world" -> real-life and classroom knowledge, leaving teenagers no choice but to learn financial literacy solely from trials and errors. It is also the ubiquitous notion that student years should not involve monetary factors held among 💥 wc -> held by parents that has made a toll 💥 wc: sai collocation -> taken a toll on personal development in this very field. With both factors combined, we are witnessing a setting in which the young must try to survive on their own in lieu of receiving proper education when it comes to money management.

Body Paragraph 2:
As regards measures to combat such a trend, there is a strong consensus about shifts in school syllabus and child-rearing style. The first compelling step toward educating students financial literacy 💥 gr: thiếu giới từ -> in financial literacy is to simply include related subjects such as budgeting or taxes in school syllabus 💥 gr: số ít -> school syllabi. This is far from impractical or uncommon. It is, rather, a movement that is performed merely because 💥 wc: -> delayed due to the failure to keep up with other developing 💥 wc: developed countries’ educational systems like Australia. Learning without practicing renders those knowledge 💥 gr: "knowledge" ko đếm đc -> this knowledge nothing more than just book theory 💥 wc: -> theoretical knowledge, proving that opportunities to balance money granted by parents are equally crucial. The adults must grasp that only by ensuring the inherently irreplaceable monetary aspects to be 💥 gr: lỗi cấu trúc -> are well understood by teenagers can they get their offspring to be fully prepared for future life. Achieving this is by no means an easy task, but it is attainable and must be attained with the appropriate efforts.

In conclusion, the conventional educating and parenting style are 💥 gr: -> is based on a fundamental flaw, which is embracing the idea that student life should not have money involved 💥 wc -> revolve around money, providing teenagers with no chance to grow in financial literacy. To address this issue, we should hinge on obliterating those aforementioned triggers by carrying out appropriate changes and improvement.

Whether for one’s passion or well-being, the importance of participating in a myriad of sports is undisputed. However, with the no end 💥 gr: trên đúng, dưới lại sai -> no end to the ongoing rise in unfit people in sight 💥 wc: thừa, bỏ the debate on whether sport should be mandatory for students has been more intensified 💥 gr: sai thì -> intensified further. While some might argue that these kinds of activities should only be optional to avoid embarrassment, I endorse the notion of making them compulsory to provide students with more opportunity 💥 wf: opportunities to stay active and keep fit.

My first justification hinges on the idea that as sport is required in curriculum 💥 gr: thiếu mạo từ -> in the curriculum, there will be numerous activities for students to choose from. Exposing themselves to a diversity of sports 💥 wc -> By exploring various sports, individuals might have new experiences and perhaps even open a door to a potential career. A teenager who does not play any sport might have nothing to do with their talent or will 💥 wc -> not lack talent or interest. Rather, it can be because that individual did not have a chance to experience participating in games, be it for their prejudice or external factors 💥 wc: -> due to prejudices or external influences. In such a setting, learners are also granted the opportunity to engage in various communities, bolstering their desire to play. This scenario is far from rare. Instead, its ubiquity can be attributed to our mind, which inherently can be easily socially influenced 💥 gr -> it reflects how our minds are inherently shaped by social influences. Beyond the realm of students who have been engaging in different sports, this idea is also beneficial to the opposite, shedding light on an unexplored path to a new hobby, career, or a community.

On the flip side, what opponents of compulsory sport underscore is the embarrassment that can be resulted in 💥 gr sao vẫn sai giống hôm trc nhỉ? -> can result. Nonetheless, this is such a superficial mindset that any student can see its flaw 💥 wc -> a shallow argument that falls apart under scrutiny. It is common knowledge that everything in life has its first step, and so does sport. Not only does avert participating 💥 wc -> avoiding participation in physical activities take a toll on students' health, it also makes them lose an entire field of experience in life 💥 wc -> it also deprives them of a valuable life experience. Obviously, a professional athlete does not judge any individual for a late start. If anything, it is highly because of the wrong community that they opted to be a part of rather than the notion of mandatory sport itself 💥 wc-> stems from choosing the wrong community rather than mandatory sports itself. However, we should also acknowledge that as everyone must participate in physical activities, beginners will take up a considerable part of that community 💥 wc -> constitute a significant portion of the community, mitigating or even obliterating the aforementioned concern. With the advantage of keeping fit on the side, it is far from wise to make playing sport optional.

In conclusion, the health benefit of sports, which has already been undeniable 💥 gr -> is undeniable, combined with a prospect for students to be exposed 💥 wc -> the opportunity for students to explore new activities and communities, have, in the whole, guaranteed 💥 gr: thiếu số ít -> has unequivocally proven mandatory sport to be advantageous. Any idea of embarrassment arising stemmed from a fundamentally flawed mindset 💥 gr: tense inconsistency -> stems from a fundamentally flawed mindset and should not carry any weight in the argument.

Thật ra thì bình thường di chuyển bằng di chuyển bằng public transport nó sẽ không enjoyable lắm và đấy cũng không bao giờ là một khía cạnh mà em quan tâm khi di chuyển. Bởi như ở việt nam thì public transport phổ biến nhất, cái thứ mà vốn là sự đánh đổi giữa thời gian, sự thoải mái cho giá cả. Tuy vậy thì em muốn kể về 1 lần đi khá đáng nhớ. Hôm đấy là buổi tối muộn và em mới đi học thêm xong thì như bình thường em sẽ ra bắt xe bus đi về. Thế nhưng lúc đấy em check app thì thấy nó bảo 15p nữa mới có xe nên em đã sang 1 trung tâm thương mại gần đó 1 lúc. Thế nhưng chỉ 10p sau quay lại thì nó đã đang mưa rất nặng hạt. Em đã định chờ 1 lúc cho mưa ngớt thì chạy ra bến bởi đen 1 cái là em không cầm theo ô hay áo mưa. Em cứ chờ thế, giết thời gian bằng việc đi xung quanh 15 rồi 20p nhưng mưa vẫn ngày càng to. Lại thêm lúc đấy đã muộn nên đa số cửa hàng ở đấy đã đóng nên khá chán. Sau 1 lúc nữa thì em thấy là không thể chờ được nữa và đi xung quanh thì may sao có 1 chỗ bán áo mưa. Em đã mua ngay 1 cái rồi lên đi thẳng bến xe luôn bởi em sợ nếu còn đợi tiếp thì xe bus sẽ hết chuyến. Thật sự là hôm đấy vừa lạnh vừa mưa. Khi đã lên được xe thì như 1 lẽ tất nhiên là em sẽ đứng bởi vẫn đang mặc cái áo mưa ướt. Lúc anh lơ xe đã quay xuống là rồi bảo nhẹ nhàng em là “thôi ngồi xuống đi, đường tối ai biết được thế nào, nguy hiểm lắm. ướt thì kệ nó ướt, ghế ướt lau được chứ có sao đâu”. Có lẽ đặt vào hoàn cảnh bình thường thì vốn câu nói đấy cũng chẳng có gì đâu. Thế nhưng hôm đấy em vốn đã có 1 ngày khá tệ thì câu nói ấy thật sự giúp em cảm thấy tốt hơn rất nhiều. Đặc biệt là vốn lơ xe buýt thì có bao giờ nói được nhẹ nhàng đâu, toàn khó chịu rồi nhắc vài câu cụt lủn với khách. Hôm ấy, ngồi trên xe em đã nghĩ về nhiều thứ, nghĩ lại về 1 ngày rồi những chuyện đã xảy ra. Rồi em thấy đúng là trong hoàn cảnh nào cũng sẽ có nhưng người tốt. Chuyến xe bus hôm đấy chẳng có chuyện gì xảy ra nữa song nó lại nhanh chóng và nhẹ nnhoms đến lạ thường

2. Describe a party that you enjoyed

Em chưa bao giờ tham gia 1 cái party nào đúng nghĩa nên cũng khó để mà tả. Nhưng mà nếu như để kể thì có lẽ em sẽ kể về 1 lần em cùng nhóm bán đi chơi với nhau, rồi đem 1 đống đồ ăn thức uống lại ngồi hát karoke như mở tiệc ở trong phòng. Hồi đấy là hè lớp 9 khi lớp em định đi chơi cuối năm với nhau. Gọi là đi chơi cả lớp thế thôi chứ tại vì hết năm, mỗi nhà mỗi việc nên đến cuối cùng chỉ có vỏn vẹn  7-8 người đi. Thế nên nó sẽ hợp lý gọi là 1 đi chơi nhóm hơn bởi những đứa đi đa phần là 1 lũ bạn chơi thân với nhau rồi rủ nhau đi thì mới được từng đấy. Cả lũ bọn em thuê một căn biệt thự đầy đủ tiện nghi, từ bể bơi, bàn bi-a đến karaoke rồi ở đó 2 ngày. Và dĩ nhiên là sau chúng em sẽ muốn dùng triệt để tất cả những tiện nghi ấy thế nên là sau khi 1 ngày kết thúc, phụ huynh về phòng đi ngủ rồi thì cả lũ bọn em đã kéo nhau xuống tầng hầm, chỗ có phòng karaoke. Lúc đầu chỉ là bọn em hát bình thường thôi, nhưng mà thằng bạn em chán quả xong bảo cả lũ lên tầng lấy hết đồ ăn nước ngọt xuống cho nó vui. Mà đồ ăn thì mỗi đứa đều mang 1 đống, lại thêm đồ của phụ huynh chuẩn bị nên cứ gọi là vô vàn. Mic thì đứa này truyền đứa kia, hết bài người này chọn thì đến bài người kia. Ai đang không hát thì ngồi vừa ăn vừa nghịch với nhau mà nghe. Hát chán thì bọn em lại ngồi kể chuyện, gossip về mọi thứ có thể xong lại hát tiếp. Phải đến tận khoảng 2 giờ sáng thì tiệc mới tàn, nói là tàn thôi chứ thật ra bọn em lại lên phòng nằm xem phim với nhau chứ cũng có ngủ đâu

3. Describe something you did with someone or a group of people

em muốn kể về 1 buổi đi chơi với lớp sau năm học lớp 9 của em. Gọi là đi chơi cả lớp thế thôi chứ tại vì hết năm, mỗi nhà mỗi việc nên đến cuối cùng chỉ có vỏn vẹn  7-8 người đi. Có lẽ nó sẽ hợp lý gọi lf 1 đi chơi nhóm hơn bởi những đứa đi đa phần là 1 lũ bạn chơi thân với nhau rồi rủ nhau đi thì mới được từng đấy. Cả lũ bọn em thuê một căn biệt thự đầy đủ tiện nghi, từ bể bơi, bàn bi-a đến karaoke rồi ở đó 2 ngày. Bọn em đã thật sự tận dụng tất cả mọi thứ ở đấy để chơi cho đã đời. Sáng thì cả lũ đi thử golf ở gần đấy, chiều thì bơi rồi xuống cắm ở bàn bi-a đến tận 8h tối. Sau đấy chúng em mới đi ăn tối rồi lại quay lại xuống hầm để hát karaoke. Có mỗi 2 cái mic cả lũ cứ chuyền qua chuyền lại, chán thì ngồi xem đứa còn lại hát. Bọn bạn em còn đem bao nhiêu đồ ăn thức uống xuống đó rồi như mở tiệc đến tận 1h đêm. Có lẽ như lẽ bình thường thì tiệc tàn, mọi người sẽ đi ngủ nhưng mà hôm đấy thì bọn em không như thế. Sức vẫn còn thế là lại kéo nhau lên tầng 2 rồi ngồi xem phim, nói chuyện với nhau. May cái là đứa bạn có tài khoản netflix thì cả lũ moies ngồi xem phim với nhau được. Lạ cái là đến sáng hôm sau thì cũng không mệt mỏi lắm thế là bạn em lại rủ cả lũ ngồi lại với nhau gossip, chơi bài rồi đến tận trưa mới về. Chuyến đi chơi ấy không dài nhưng chắc chắn nó worth every single second

4. Describe a time that you showed something new to others

Bình thường thì em cũng không hay mua các món đồ mới rồi đi khoe để xem phản ứng của mọi người nhiều. Nhưng mà em sẽ kể về 1 lần em mua đôi giày bóng rổ mới và đem đến trường. Thật ra chuyện về đôi giày cũng chẳng có gì nhưng chủ yếu là sự kiện diễn ra ngày hôm đấy. Tất nhiên rồi thì như 1 lẽ thường, em đi đôi giày đến lớp thì cũng sẽ có những đứa nhận ra rồi khen đẹp này kia, nhưng mấy cái đầy thì expected hết rồi, không đáng nói. Chủ yếu là vào buổi chiều hôm đấy, lớp em có 1 trận đấu bóng rổ với lớp khác cho vòng loại của trường. Lúc đầu thì em tưởng là em chắc suất đánh chính rồi nhưng tự nhiên 1 đứa khác thân với 2 đứa giỏi nhất trong đội cũng muốn đánh chính dù đã đủ dội hình. Đã thế nó cũng chả phải đánh tệ hay gì mà cũng ngang ngửa em, ít nhất là các thành viên trong đội nghĩ thế dù em cũng chưa solo với nó bao giờ. Dĩ nhiên là em cũng không muốn như thế bởi em thấy rõ là mình có đủ khả năng. Sau 1 hồi nói qua nói lại thì đã chốt với nhau thì anh em chốt là buổi trưa em với nó sẽ solo với nhau để tranh suất đánh chính. Nói thật là bình thường em cũng không tự tin đến thế đâu nhưng trong tình cảnh ấy thì em thấy khá cay, đã thế mình còn mất công đi giày mới đến rồi nên là trưa hôm đấy em cũng dốc sức. Trận đấy cũng cân sức nhưng may đến cuối thì em tận dụng được cơ hội mà thắng 1 điểm và giữ được vị trí đánh chính. Hay cái là buổi chiều hôm đấy em lại đánh rất hăng và performance bật hẳn so với bình thường nên dĩ nhiên là lớp em thắng. Bọn bạn em cũng phải đi ra khen em mấy câu bởi bọn nó hơi bất ngờ. Chẳng biết có phải tại đôi giày mới không và cũng không biết là nếu thằng kia vào đánh có hay hơn không nhưng lúc đấy thì em cứ vui cái đã

Em thì vốn không hay đi shopping nhiều nên cũng không hay để ý đến dịch vụ cửa hàng thế nhưng có 1 lần khi đi sang Canada em đã thật sự bất ngờ khi chứng kiến văn hóa đón khách ở bên đó. Khi ở Việt Nam thì nếu đến các cửa hàng, đa số dịch vụ có tốt hay không thì cũng chỉ là nhân viên ra hỏi cần giúp gì rồi tư vấn sản phẩm. Thế nhưng trải nghiệm của em ở Canada thì khác, họ rất thích trò chuyện với khách. Nó chỉ là những câu chuyện phiếm nhưng rõ ràng nó khiến em cảm thấy thoải mái hơn rất nhiều. Có 1 lần em cùng chị em đã đi vào 1 cái souvenir shop tại 1 town gần Niagara fall, em cũng không nhớ rõ tên lắm. Đấy là 1 tiệm bán tranh local, khi chúng em đi vào thì bà chủ cũng không hẳn là ra đón tiếp nồng hậu hay gì cả mà chỉ nói nhẹ nhàng bảo chúng tôi cứ xem thoải mái bởi khi ấy bà cũng đang ngồi vẽ. Chả biết nó tốt hay xấu nhưng có lẽ bởi vì không gian cũng khá cozy nên em khá thích cái cảm giác nhẹ nhàng ấy thay vì một nhân viên bán hàng đầy năng lượng. Lát sau thì bà mới đi ra rồi nói chuyện với bọn em. Chi tiết thì không nhớ rõ nhưng bà đứng đó kể về sở thích của bà với vẽ tranh, nói với bọn em 1 vài ý nghĩa thậm chí còn chỉ cho em 1 số bức tranh mà con bà vẽ. Nói chuyện 1 lúc thì bà nhắc đến 1 cái university bé mà bọn em vừa đi qua. Lúc ban đầu đi qua thì chúng em cũng tò mò tòa building đấy là gì, hỏi ra mới biết đấy là 1 trg đại học mới xây, chuẩn bị đi vào hoạt động, con bà cũng đỗ vào trường đấy và sẽ nhập học vào năm tiếp theo. Rõ ràng là tourist thì chúng em rất thích nghe những câu chuyện xoay quanh cộng đồng mà em đi tới nên em thấy nó rất thú vị. Bà còn suggested chúng em cứ vào mà xem thử vởi tuy bé nhưng nó chất lượng của nó cũng phải tốt nhất khu vực. Buổi hôm ấy chúng em thật sự nói chuyện rất lâu và thoải mái nên cũng trở thành 1 kí ức đáng nhớ của cái vacation đấy. Tuy vậy thì ngại cái là sau khi em và chị rời của hàng thì cũng chẳng mua gì dù cũng đã xem rất nhiều món.

6. Describe a subject that you would like to learn in the future

Trong tương lai, em sẽ muốn học về machine learning hay AI nói chung bởi có thể thấy rõ đó sẽ là xu thế của thời đại. Kể từ ngày ChatGPT xuất hiện nó đã đánh dấu sự bùng nổ của của AI và tất cả mọi người đều nói về AI. Hàng nghìn các công ty và cá nhân đã đầu tư và phát triền các phần mềm AI khác nhau và chúng ta có thể thấy vô số ứng dụng được tích hợp AI trên thị trường. Từ giải bài tập, tìm thông tin, vẽ tranh đến và nó thậm chí còn có AI để tìm AI ohuf hợp hay AI để tìm kiếm lỗi sai của AI. Trước đây, chúng ta đã dự đoán tương lai sẽ tích hợp công nghệ vào mọi khía cạnh của đời sống và AI chính là 1 bước tiến xa hơn của công nghệ. Và trong mảng AI thì machine learning chính là nghiên cứu về 1 trong những yếu tố quan trọng nhất quyết định khả năng học hỏi và cũng chính là độ khôn của trí tuệ nhân tạo. Thế nên, em rất tò mò về việc làm thể nào để con người có thể tạo ra và đào tạo AI và cũng muốn trở thành 1 người có thể hiểu sâu và giúp improve AI nên em muốn học sâu hơn vào màng này

7. Describe a sport you watched and would like to try

Một bộ môn thể thao mà em đã luôn muốn thử nhưng chưa từng có cơ hội bởi đặc trưng về điều kiện thời tiết của Việt Nam chính là ski jumping. Em đã nhìn thấy môn thể thao này trên nhiều nền tảng mạng xã hội khác nhau, facebook, youtube short hay instagram reels. Có thể nói bộ môn thể thao này bao gồm tất cả những yếu tố mà em muốn trải nghiệm. Từ bé thì em đã luôn muốn được chạm tay vào tuyết bởi sự tò mò của bản thân. Khi đã lớn dần lên thì em thấy bản thân cũng là một người thích cái lạnh nên desire chạm vào tuyết càng mãnh liệt hơn. Và là 1 thằng con trai thì thằng nào chả thích tốc độ thế nên việc trượt tuyết từ trên đỉnh núi xuống tốc độ tăng dần thật sự là ước mơ của em. Sau đó thì còn được trải nghiệm rơi tự do sau khi có đà và chắc chắn là thậm chí tất cả nhũng người em quen đều chưa từng trải nghiệm nó. Rõ ràng nó sẽ vui hơn trải nghiệm rơi tự do phổ biến là nhảy dù bởi nó nhanh và risky hơn. Ski jumping về cơ bản chính là kết hợp của tiếp xúc với tuyết, cảm nhận tốc độ cao và điều chỉnh hướng cùng giữ thăng bằng khi rơi tự do. Không có gì đảm bảo em sẽ thích bộ môn này khi thật sự được làm nhưng chắc chắn em thử trải nghiệm nó chính là ước mơ của em

Bài này ẩu quá, em cần tâpj thói quen tỉa tót sau khi viết xong thay vì viết đủ số lượng nộp cô. Tự nhìn ra vấn đề bài mình và sửa trước khi giám khảo chấm được thì mới tiến bộ được.

Given is a diagram that depicts the intricate process of crafting clogs.

Overall, the process comprises six findamental 💥 sp: fundamental steps, starting from a crude wood 💥 wc: raw wood to a customizable clog.

In the intial 💥 sp: initial stage, an wood log 💥 gr: 'wood' ko đếm đc mà -> a log of wood of poplar or willow accordion 💥 sp: according to preferences is chosen to be saw into smallar piece 💥 gr: 'saw' là động từ gốc, nghĩa là cưa, ở đây cần dạng bị động -> sawed into smaller pieces. Once completed, that chunk is placed directly on a firm wooden foundation for stability to be outlined with an axe 💥 gr: unclear subject, nên viết lại cho rõ nghĩa -> where it is outlined with an axe. The procedure continue 💥 gr: 'procedure' là số ít, cần chia động từ đúng -> continues with further refinements by using a knife for enhanced precision, giving the clog its rudimentary appearance.

From here, the phase of boring out the shoe interior is carried out under the work of 💥 wc: under the action of a spoon drill, starting the work on the shoe’s inside 💥 repetitive -> which hollows out the shoe’s interior. After that, in order to ensure the smoothness and comfort of the clog, sandpaper is used for both the inside and outside. At this point, this traditonional 💥 sp: traditional wooden shoe is ready for its final purpose, while optional decorations can still be performed to match its uses 💥 wc: can be added to suit specific uses.

Improved:

The diagram provides useful insights into the process of crafting clogs, which emphasizes precision and creativity at every stage. This six-phase procedure spans from selecting raw materials to applying protective finishes.

The process begins with the strategic selection of logs, mainly poplar or willow, which are cut into uniformly sized segments for easy handling. Using an axe, each segment is shaped into the rough form of a clog. Following this, the interior is hollowed out, ensuring both comfort and ergonomic fit for the foot. Sanding is then performed to smooth the surface, preparing it for additional refinement.

In the fifth stage, the clogs are intricately adorned with designs that reflect personal preference. The final phase involves coating the clogs with a durable protective layer, which not only extends their lifespan but also enhances their aesthetic value. This comprehensive process transforms raw materials into functional, durable, and visually appealing footwear.

Whether for the stability or the health of ecosystem 💥 gr: ecosystem phải thêm "the" -> the ecosystem, bio-diversity 💥 sp biodiversity mới đúng is indubitably paramount. Yet, with no end to the rise in the number of endangered animals and habitat destruction in sight, much discussion has been urgently devoted to undertanding 💥 sp :( -> understanding the precise causes for this issue. While some contend that the unchecked exploitation for 💥 wc: -> of natural resources is to blame, other 💥 gr: other cần là others để ám chỉ những người khác highlight the pollution stemming from human activities as a significant contributor.

It is our limitless desires to exploit resources from nature that blight 💥 wc em check xem có khớp collocation chưa, blight đi với habitats chứ? the living habitats of many flora and fauna, which have already been crippled by a multitutude 💥 sp -> multitude kinds of 💥 gr: phải là "kinds of" + danh từ số nhiều -> kinds of pollutants pollution. This tendency can be attributed to many reasons, be it for energy production or building construction. For instance, to achieve the aim of harnessing coal power located underground, destruction of that entire area must be carried out to give room for a mining site 💥 style: dài dòng - có thể rút gọn là "entire areas are destroyed for mining sites.". In doing so, especially in cases of those whose locations are inside living habitats of any kind 💥 verbose: lủng củng - có thể đơn giản hóa là "where mines overlap habitats", human is inevitably 💥 gr: human là số nhiều -> humans are depriving those species of their original home.

✍️ Cần cải thiện cả flow và ngữ pháp.

As regards solutions, there is a strong consensus on the necessity of raising public awareness to alter pupulace's 💥 sp -> populace's actions altogether. This solution hinges on the proven plasticity of our brains. Only by doing so 💥 wc: em áp dụng cứng nhắc rồi, nếu muốn lên 8, cần master nghệ thuật linh hoạt chứ không phải cứng nhắc áp template: such measures can individuals begin to acknowledge the advantages of green energy and hence promote its uses more widely. This can initiate a trend of protecting natural habitats, as without the need to exploit resources for electricity, more policies can be devoted to preserve the habitat in the question 💥 g -> such habitats.

In conclusion, the negative influences of human activities on the ecosystem can be attributed to our exploitation for 💥 wc: for đổi thành "of" mới đúng collocation natural resources and our unaware 💥 wc careless actions resulting in pollution of various kinds. If left unaddressed, the process of expanding human living areas might directly diminish wild habitats as well as biodiversity, pushing a range of flora and fauna to the verge of extinction.

🟩 Suggestions

1. Clarity and Precision:

   • Original: "Our limitless desires to exploit resources from nature that blight the living habitats..."

   • Improved: "Our boundless greed to exploit nature's resources harms the living habitats..."

2. Sophisticated Vocabulary:

   • Replace "destruction" with "devastation" for stronger imagery.

3. Colloquials:

   • "The unchecked greed of humans has trashed the homes of wildlife."

4. Inversion:

   • "Never before has nature faced such relentless greed from humanity."

5. Starting with V-ing:

   • "Exploiting coal power often means obliterating entire ecosystems."

6. Starting with Prepositional Phrase:

   • "In pursuit of development, humans have reshaped the natural landscape."

7. Sarcasm and Irony:

   • Original: "The process of expanding human living areas might directly diminish wild habitats..."

   • Improved: "While humans expand their living areas, wildlife is graciously invited to extinction."

   • Original: "Programs to promote awareness must be executed..."

   • Improved: "Apparently, programs to teach basic decency towards nature are revolutionary ideas."

8. Emphasis Shift:

   • Original: "This solution hinges on the proven plasticity of our brains."

   • Improved: "It is not about whether we can change, but rather about whether we are willing to."

Whether for public service or private healthcare, the importance of accessible medical services is undisputed. While proponents champion the specialized care and advanced technology that private healthcare can provide, critics question the moral implications of putting profits ahead of patients’ well-being. From my perspective, the merits of private healthcare certainly carries 💥 gr: "carry" vì chủ ngữ số nhiều, bao giờ phải ko sai mấy cái này ngay từ đầu thì mới lên 7.5 -> certainly carry more weight in the debate. Yet, the system can only be optimized if it is operated under government supervision and some 💥 wc: "specific" nghe hợp lý hơn appropriate regulations.

My justifications for such a notion ares 💥 gr: dư "s" encapsulated in the timeless adage, “you get what you pay”. As any other aspects and industries 💥 wc -> As with any other industry, financial incentives hold immense power in driving development through competition in the healthcare system. The argument is most compelling when we consider the case of Singapore, the nation which owns 💥 wc -> which boasts the best medical facilitiess 💥 sp: "facilities" thiếu "s" in Asia. In this country, they are the private hospitals that possess those kinds of devices 💥 wc-> private hospitals possess advanced devices, including robot assistants that aid in the recovery of a number of patients 💥 wc -> in patient recovery. These benefits are by no means confined to the realm of advanced technology 💥 wc -> technology alone. It is, rather, a prime source of attracting a higher-quality workforce 💥 wc: "high-caliber workforce" -> high-caliber workforce, not only locally but also internationally. We need not look further than the case of Thailand to see the drawing power stemming from high incomes offered by private hospitals. 💥 wc: rườm rà, private hospitals offering high incomes to attract talent. These all arguments hinge on one idea 💥 gr rõ ràng là ngữ pháp ẩu -> arguments hinge on one central idea: to experience enhanced quality in treatment, residents must be willing to spend their money accordingly.

On the flip side, private healthcare’s ‘affordable luxury’ remains a perplexing promise for many families barely making ends meet. In this setting, proponents for the obliteration of private healthcare demand equality when it comes to getting treated 💥 wc-> in treatment. However, forcing every individual, regardless of efforts and times have been expended to thrive financially 💥 gr: awkward -> the effort expended to achieve financial stability, to have the same, inconsistent-quality medical experience seems to have completely redefined that so-called “equality” 💥 wc -> redefine “equality” altogether. While the notion that everyone, including struggling families, should have access to healthcare services holds true, the assumption that the quality of those services should be confined to the low-budget cohort 💥 wc -> services must meet only low-income standards is a fundamental flaw in mindset 💥 wc: -> in thinking. Instead, the governments must shift their focus to controlling prices implemented by private hospitals and ensure that there are options available for every group of people rather than try to stifle the advancements of the entire system 💥 wc -> governments must regulate private hospital prices to ensure accessibility while fostering innovation.

In conclusion, private medicalinstitutionss 💥 sp: dư "s" -> medical institutions should be endorsed to develop with acknowledgement to 💥 wc -> recognition of the state-of-the-art facilities that can be granted to residents 💥 wc -> available to residents. The argument that equality must be attained with the removal of such hospitals is so shallow that it easily falls apart under scrutiny 💥 wc: quá informal -> fundamentally flawed under scrutiny. Nevertheless, the procedure of keeping these services in check has to be executed by governments to guarantee the accessibility for any subject in the society 💥 wc -> universal accessibility.

Suggestions

TR: 7.0

• Expand nuanced arguments: Add examples like "By virtue of its efficiency, private healthcare lends itself very well to long-term innovation."

CC: 6.5

• Improve transitions: Use phrases like "In the wake of," "At the crux of," "Across the spectrum."

VC: 6.5

• Replace phrases: "Beyond question, private hospitals attract expertise, if not irrefutably so."

GR: 6.5

• Fix subject-verb errors: "Private healthcare systems carry significant benefits."

Given are the illustrations that delineate the current layout of an office building and a proposed plan for alterations in the future.
that delineate 💥 VC: từ này hơi học thuật quá mức, đổi sang "show" hoặc "illustrate" sẽ phù hợp hơn. Em cũng nên phá bỏ tư duy là phải đẩy từ cao lên thì bài mới điểm cao. Nhiều người nói nhưng có bao nhiêu người trong đó là giám khảo thực sự? Em xem bài mẫu giám khảo chấm thực sự hoặc viết thực sự chưa???? Các vị trí từ nối, từ cơ học (functional phrases) không phải vị trí tính điểm từ. Bao giờ thì em bắt đầu thay đổi để cải tiến?

Overall, it is observable that while the functions of the majority of rooms remain the same, expansion for a variety of areas will be executed with the introductions of some services for employees.
will be executed 💥 VC: không tự nhiên, "are planned" đúng
with the introductions of some services 💥 GR: introduction số ít.

-> Overall, while the functions of most rooms remain the same, some areas are planned to expand, along with the introduction of additional employee services.

As regards space in general, offices will be merged to serve as an enlarging means for themselves.
As regards space in general, 💥 CC: Với map, ng ta hay dùng "In terms of space."
serve as an enlarging means for themselves 💥 VC văn task 1 ko nhiều danh từ rườm rà, bài trc cô chữa văn phong này rồi "to create larger workspaces."

The central space can also be broadened with the aid of left-side grass removal.
can also be broadened 💥 GR: "will be expanded"
with the aid of left-side grass removal 💥 VC: awkward, em cũng xem lại kiến thức về nominalisation. Cách em dùng không phải nominalisation, nó là bị wordy "by removing the grass on the left side."

Meanwhile, the main entrance is suggested to be relocated to the middle of the building, leading directly to the center of the whole office instead of facing toward restrooms on the right side.
is suggested to be relocated 💥 GR: thừa, đổi thành "will be moved."
facing toward 💥 VC: từ "towards" thừa, bỏ đi.

Turning to function rooms, the most evident change will be witnessed is the demolition of the kitchen and canteen to give room for new offices.
the most evident change will be witnessed is 💥 GR: lengthy "the most evident change is" cho mạch lạc.
to give room 💥 VC: đổi thành "to make space" sẽ tự nhiên hơn.

Workers might be equipped with more facilities regarding the installation of a coffee machine as well as an addition for a meeting area with some chairs provided on the right side of the office.
regarding the installation of 💥 VC: quá phức tạp, đổi thành "including a coffee machine."
as well as an addition for a meeting area 💥 GR: lủng củng, đổi thành "and a new meeting area."

Meanwhile, the other end of the building will experience a transformation from grass field into a new outdoor seating area.
will experience a transformation from grass field into 💥 VC: đổi thành "will be transformed from a grassy area into" cho tự nhiên.

Strikingly, the storeroom is going to remain intact as the original bathrooms will be repositioned to the top-left corner of the floor.
is going to remain intact 💥 GR: đổi thành "will remain unchanged" cho mạch lạc hơn.

_____

The illustrations depict the current layout of an office building and a proposed future plan for alterations. Overall, while most rooms retain their original functions, the design reflects a clear attempt to enhance workspace functionality and employee facilities.

In terms of space, the offices will merge to create larger work areas, and the central section will expand by removing the grassy area on the left. The main entrance, currently located on the right, will be moved to the center of the building to improve accessibility, leading directly to the office's heart.

Functionally, notable changes include the demolition of the kitchen and canteen to make room for new offices. Employees will benefit from added facilities, such as a coffee machine and a dedicated meeting area furnished with chairs on the right. Meanwhile, the grassy field at the far end will transform into an inviting outdoor seating area.

Despite these significant modifications, the storeroom will remain intact, while the bathrooms will be relocated to the top-left corner, maximizing overall efficiency in space usage. These adjustments highlight a redesign aimed at improving both practicality and comfort for employees.

✨ TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0 VC: 7.0; GR: 6.0 ✨
═══nn══════════════════════

Whether for grand shopping malls or small local businesses, shops of these kinds are undeniably paramount for our daily needs. Yet, with no end to the ongoing rise of the tendency to prioritize large outskirts-located 💥 VC: collocation unnatural, sửa thành -> stores located on the outskirts stores over those in the central area, debates revolving around its aftermaths 💥 GR: "aftermath" ko cần số nhiều -> their aftermath have become particularly intense. While some tout the potential merit of easing the traffic in city center 💥 GR: thiếu mạo từ -> traffic in the city center, critics condemn this mutation as it incurs financial burdens for both business owners and some particular families 💥 VC: “some particular families” -> certain families (cụm từ này mượt hơn) and also aggravates air pollution. From my perspective, the latter arguments carry weight, whilst the former one can be considered shallow.

The failure to survive in the market regarding urban stores is anything but pleasant for all the owners, the populace, and even the environment. In the wake of losing customers to other suburban large shopping centers, small business are highly doomed 💥 GR: động từ thiếu “s” -> businesses are highly doomed to closure, if not irrefutably so 💥 VC: redundant vì “doomed to closure” là đã rõ ràng, nên bỏ. Beyond question, proprietors in this scenario are bound to bear astronomical unforeseen loss 💥 VC: collocation lỗi, sửa thành -> colossal unforeseen losses. Not solely inflicting the possessing cohort 💥 VC: unclear expression -> affected business owners, this trend also strains the limited financial resources of families who struggle to make ends meet. For low-income class 💥 VC: nên dùng "low-income families" cho rõ nghĩa hơn, the existence of grand, distant malls that require possession of an automobile is liken 💥 GR: sai cấu trúc -> is akin to juicy grapes at an unreachable high in front of a hungry newborn fox: available but not accessible. In such a setting, individuals are compelled to purchase a new car merely for meeting basic needs. This inevitable surge in car uses 💥 GR: sai danh từ -> car use serves as a catalyst for the perennial unaddressed problem — air pollution— as electric vehicles is not an universal option 💥 GR: lỗi số ít số nhiều và mạo từ -> are not a universal option. The combination of these factors can create a reality where a new tendency is far from an indicator of development. It is, rather, a path that both worsens and brings about concerning issues for different individuals and also the living environment.

On the flip side, what proponents praise hinges on the notion that the flux of cars to the outskirt 💥 GR: thiếu số nhiều -> outskirts aid in relieving burden on central traffic. This is by no means plausible but, instead, fundamentally flawed under scrutiny. It fails to acknowledge that no difference will be observable during rush hours since no one opts for driving to malls during those time blocks 💥 VC -> time frames. Ironically, what will be evident is the overall increase in distance that drivers ought to experience 💥 VC-> are forced to cover, resulting in more time spent on the road. It can be simply understood that under no circumstance would rises in number of cars, distance and time of commuting can contribute 💥 GR: câu điều kiện loại 2, thiếu cấu trúc chuẩn -> would rises in the number of cars, distance, and commuting time contribute to any type of reliever 💥 VC: từ này ko hợp ngữ cảnh -> relief for traffic.

Ultimately, it stands to reason that there are more to lose than to gain 💥 GR: lỗi ngữ pháp -> is more to lose than to gain if this shift in preferences is unchecked. While it has little to do with the inherent nature of big out-of-town stores, the problems lie in the increasing closure of small central businesses as it can inflict hardship to those owners 💥 GR: lỗi giới từ -> on those owners and families whose daily lives have already been challenging. If left unaddressed, this can even negatively contribute to 💥 VC: collocation lỗi -> exacerbate the concerning global issue of air pollution.

✨ Task Achievement (7.0):

• Em có diễn đạt đầy đủ các luận điểm, nhưng vẫn còn thiếu một vài phân tích sâu. Ví dụ: Câu "critics condemn this mutation" ko giải thích kỹ tại sao nó là vấn đề nghiêm trọng.

• Một số ý tưởng cần mở rộng hơn, như "surge in car uses" – có thể thêm chi tiết về hậu quả sức khoẻ và kinh tế.

✨ Coherence and Cohesion (7.0):

• Các ý nối với nhau tương đối ổn. Có thể dùng thêm kết nối ngầm: this/ these/ alone/ such/ other để tăng nối

✨ Vocabulary (7.0):

• Từ vựng dùng khá tốt, nhưng vẫn có một số collocation chưa tự nhiên: "astronomical loss" -> colossal losses.

• Một số chỗ từ không phù hợp ngữ cảnh: "possessing cohort" -> affected business owners.

✨ Grammar (6.0):

• Lỗi chủ yếu về số ít/số nhiều, mạo từ, và cấu trúc câu điều kiện.

• Cần chú ý hơn đến consistency trong thì và cấu trúc song song.

Thuộc dạng phân tích dữ liệu trong task 1. Đòi hỏi ngôn ngữ viết trong sáng, rõ ràng và dùng nhiều từ tả thực (Gọi ra thực trạng qua số liệu đã cho thay vì chỉ nói là tăng/ giảm, ít/ nhiều

I. Dạng đề

• có 2 loại:

  • có trục tgian

    Sử dụng ngôn ngữ của line graph để miêu tả: tăng giảm + xu hướng. Cũng áp dụng 1 trong 2 cách chia đồ thị của line graph để xếp số vào các đoạn:

    • Theo trục tgian:

      vd: 1 mốc nào đấy tất cả đều có biến động

    • Theo pattern

  • ko có trục tgian

    Cách mô tả:

    • mở 1: tên + overall: gọi ra thành tố cao nhất (ko trích số liệu) --> mối tương quan với các thành tố còn lại

    • body (2 đoọa:3-4 câu):

      Xếp hạng số liệu --> nhìn pattern (nhất - bét; nhất - nhì - ba) <-- đoạn 1

      đoạn 2: nx thằng còn lại (comparable)

      dùng các từ tóm số liệu

      ranges from, comparable, similar,

      Câu cuối của bài cố gọi ra điểm bất thường của đồ thị

      
      

      cần dùng so sánh, ranking, nhớ dùng phó từ, so sánh lần (2,3,4 times ,...)

      chọn số liệu khôn ngoan + chỉ mối tương quan với số liệu trước

Thân: lớn --> bé

• nhất: account for

• nhì: tg quan với cái nhất

• bét: x+y = abc, leaving merely d for z

The provided charts offer useful insight into the shifts in proportions of preferences for graduated disciplines from 1980 to 2008.

One glaring observation is that the number of majors in which qualified graduates witnessed changes equal to those remained the same 💥 GR: -> experienced similar shifts as those with stable figures. Strikingly, master science 💥 -> Master’s degrees in Science stood still as one of the most prevalent type 💥 GR -> types of graduates throughout the 28-year period.

Regarding PhD Science, the number of qualifiers for this degree surged with a whopping two-fold increase from just over a tenth in the beginning 💥 GR: Cụm này hơi mơ hồ, nên dùng -> at the start of the period, registering it at the top rank with a mere one-percent difference from the first runner-up 💥 VC -> the second-highest figure.

Similarly, the figure for PhD Arts graduates experienced a three-fold rise, yet remained the smallest sector 💥 -> category, with just 7% in 2008. In stark contrast, a significant drop from a considerable proportion of one-fourth 💥 -> substantial 25% to a negligible 11% was recorded for first degree Arts, stripping its original second place 💥 VC: ko dùng metaphor trong task 1 -> causing it to lose its former second rank.

Meanwhile, minimal change or none at all is reported for the data of master graduates and first degree Science 💥 -> was observed in the figures for Master’s graduates and First Degree Science. For masters science 💥 -> Master’s degrees in Science, staying consistently at just under one-third, its figures outnumbered every other category with the exception of the highest one. Approximately equal to two-thirds of it is the persistent figure for first degree Science 💥 GR -> with First Degree Science consistently around two-thirds of this value, leaving the remaining field of qualified graduates at about 12% and 13% in 1980 and 2008, respectively.

1. Task Achievement:

• Em mô tả đúng các số liệu, nhưng đôi khi diễn đạt chưa đủ chi tiết và so sánh chưa rõ ràng.

• Ví dụ: PhD Arts có tăng nhưng chưa nói rõ sự chênh lệch giữa các năm.

• Nêu thêm các so sánh trực tiếp, sử dụng "while," "by contrast," "meanwhile" để tăng đối chiếu.

2. Coherence and Cohesion:

• Các ý có thứ tự logic, nhưng chưa thực sự mượt mà giữa các đoạn.

• Một số câu còn hơi dài, có thể tách thành hai câu để dễ theo dõi hơn.

3. Vocabulary:

• Từ vựng học thuật đã khá tốt.

• Cần chú trọng các từ như: "significant," "noteworthy," "category," "field."

4. Grammar:

• Lỗi chính nằm ở số ít/số nhiều và cấu trúc so sánh.

• Đề xuất luyện thêm về cách dùng thì quá khứ đơn và cách mô tả so sánh dữ liệu biểu đồ.

Revised: The charts provide valuable insights into the shifting preferences for academic disciplines among graduates between 1980 and 2008.

One striking observation is the balanced distribution between fields experiencing significant changes and those remaining stable. Notably, Master’s degrees in Science consistently ranked among the most awarded qualifications throughout the period.

The number of PhD Science qualifiers surged significantly, doubling from just over a tenth initially to secure the top position, marginally surpassing the second-ranking category by a single percentage point. Similarly, the figure for PhD Arts graduates tripled in number but remained the smallest category, reaching only 7% by 2008.

By contrast, the proportion of First Degree Arts graduates plummeted from a substantial 25% to a mere 11%, causing the category to lose its previous second-place standing.

Meanwhile, Master’s degrees in Science exhibited minimal variation, maintaining a steady figure just below one-third, outnumbering all categories except for PhD Science. First Degree Science also showed consistent stability, representing approximately two-thirds of the Master’s Science figures, while the remaining fields collectively accounted for around 12% and 13% in 1980 and 2008, respectively.

hoàn thành 2 link

Whether for personal life or a sense of belonging, neighbors play an undeniably paramount role in our daily lives. (KHI EM ĐÃ THẠO CÔNG THỨC RỒI, THÌ EM LÀM VIỆC VỚI SENSE, NGHĨA, TỐT HƠN CHÚT. ví dụ: không viết là: DÙ LÀ CHO ĐỜI TƯ HAY CẢM GIÁC THUỘC VỀ, HÀNG XÓM QUAN TRỌNG TRONG ĐỜI TA -> nghe thế nào ý.

EM THỬ DỊCH SANG TIẾNG ANH CÂU SAU:

Dù là là sống ở quê hay ở phố thì một mối quan hệ tốt với hàng xóm thì vẫn luôn hữu ích từ xưa tới nay.

Yet, with no end to the ongoing rise in the tendency to neglect surrounding communities and failure to acknowledge 💥 GR -> a failure to acknowledge our neighbors, much discussion has been urgently devoted to understanding the root causes of this phenomenon. While some contend that it is the advancements of technology 💥 GR -> technological advancements to blame, others highlight the flawed child-rearing practices 💥 VC "flawed parenting practices" as a significant contributor. Against this backdrop of growing concern, the following essay will critically explore the triggers for such a trend and propose forward-thinking measures accordingly.

The oversight towards 💥 VC: "oversight" mang nghĩa là sơ suất, ở đây nên dùng "disregard for" -> disregard for people around us can be attributed, first and foremost, to the troubling rise in time consumption on social media among the young and, equally, to the carelessness of parents in recognizing the existence of this status quo 💥 VC: "time consumption" nghe hơi gượng, có thể chỉnh thành "excessive social media use" -> excessive social media use among the youth, coupled with parental neglect. It goes without saying that although social applications open doors to instant distant connections, they often slam the one to close bonds shut. These are the factors that deprive individuals of opportunities to strengthen bonding 💥 VC It goes without saying that although social applications open doors to instant distant connections, they often slam shut the bonds that tie communities together dùng slam hay đấy -> It goes without saying that although social applications open doors to instant distant connections, they often slam shut the ties that hold communities together. These factors deprive individuals of opportunities to foster meaningful relationships with their neighbors, rendering what is supposed to be common and inevitable to be particularly rare 💥 GR: redundant, "to be" không cần thiết ở đây -> particularly rare. In this setting, many are more tempted to follow the sedentary lifestyle of staying and scrolling the Internet in lieu of seeking for 💥 GR: bỏ "for" vì "seek" là ngoại động từ -> instead of seeking chances to socialize in real life.

Such an issue is by no means solely stemming from an individual’s mindset 💥 VC -> by no means a reflection of personal habits. It is, rather, a problem that is further aggravated by parents’ ignorance in rearing children. The practice of allowing early and extended exposures to mobile phones 💥 GR: "exposures" không phù hợp với thiết bị, nên đổi thành "access to mobile phones" -> access to mobile phones without encouraging children to socialize has sown the seed 💥 VC: collocation chưa chuẩn -> planted the seed for a sedentary habit. The combination of these factors creates an ironic reality where tools for connection are actually impeding irreplaceable bonds.

As regards measures, there is a strong consensus on the necessity of limiting children’s screen time as well as endorsing public events that demand societal connections. Far from inconceivable 💥 VC: unclear phrasing -> This goal is far from impossible, these movements address the problem at its crux. Without the right to expend unlimited time on social media, youngsters are compelled to opt for exercising outside 💥 VC: diễn đạt chưa tự nhiên, đổi thành "engage in outdoor activities" -> engage in outdoor activities. Regardless of original wills, the mere action of participating in outdoor activities has already increased the likelihood of meeting their neighbors. Beyond question, this rise in frequency of interactions 💥 VC: đổi thành "interaction frequency" cho gọn -> interaction frequency will contribute to deeper and stronger connections between people, precluding the development of the “neglecting community” mindset altogether.

The optimization of such an approach will be achieved with more events for residents in an area being held 💥 GR: câu bị động dài dòng, có thể viết lại chủ động -> holding more local events. While arduous, this shift in paradigm is both feasible and indispensable to secure a future without the absence of surrounding connections.

Ultimately, at the heart of this looming phenomenon lies the neglect of parents and the prioritization of virtual experience over real-world interaction. If left unaddressed, the outcome from this fundamentally flawed mindset 💥 VC: hơi dư thừa -> of this flawed mindset can reach a point of irreversibility. Therefore, it is imperative to perform actions that directly address those underlying triggers, listing limiting phone use and organizing more events requiring the participation of the populace in an area 💥 GR: "listing limiting phone use" hơi gượng, cần sửa rõ hơn -> such as limiting phone use and organizing community events.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 7.5; GR: 7.0✨
════

Whether for personal development or well-being, sleep is undisputedly paramount in our daily lives. Yet, with no end to the ongoing rise in the number of people struggling to sleep adequately 💥 VC: ngắn hơn cũng được -> the increasing prevalence of sleep deprivation, much discussion has been urgently devoted to fully understanding the aftermath of this tendency 💥 VC ngắn hơn cũng đc -> centered on its repercussions. While some highlight the exhaustion throughout the day as a troubling outcome, others raise looming concerns over the detrimental effects on humans’ long-term memory and immune system. Against this backdrop of growing apprehension, the following essay will critically explore the worrying repercussions and propose forward-thinking measures accordingly.

The failure to get enough sleep can inevitably, first and foremost, 💥 CC: thừa trạng từ, chỉ cần 'inevitably' là đủ nhấn mạnh pose significant threats to both our body and mind and, equally, render individuals weary in the daytime. While students opt for studying overnight to prepare for exams, as it appears to secure the embedment of theoretical knowledge in their brains 💥 VC: 'embedment' là từ chuyên ngành nghe cứng nhắc -> retention of theoretical concepts, this happens to be 💥 GR: Không cần 'happens to be' khi đã có 'is' đủ rõ ràng -> is a belief that is, simply, misguided. We need not look at a number of documented researches and studies proving 💥 GR: 'research' ko đếm đc, 'proving' chưa diễn đạt ý dẫn chứng rõ ràng -> which demonstrate the devastating reality of decreasing long-term memory as a consequence of sleep deprivation to see the fundamental flaw in the aforementioned circumstance.

The mechanism behind this phenomenon is far from inconceivable. It is, rather, akin to a simple action of pouring water into a leaking chamber 💥 VC: Ẩn dụ hay nhưng 'leaking chamber' nghe hơi lạ -> like pouring water into a sieve: water cannot be retained as the wall is not sealed—information is unable to be memorized without the brain functioning properly. Beyond the realm of human mind 💥 VC: 'the mind' nghe tự nhiên hơn nhiều, the immune system is also to be blighted 💥 GR: 'to be blighted' nghĩa là làm thui chột, ko hợp ở đây -> negatively affected since adequate time for recovery and antibody production failed to be met 💥 -> has not been met. This is evidenced by an increase in the frequency of being afflicted by 💥 VC: 'afflicted' nghe cường điệu với 'flu or cold' -> catching common diseases, including flu or cold, in this cohort.

The problem is aggravated with the status quo of experiencing sleepiness and tiredness 💥 VC: Diễn đạt lủng củng -> by persistent fatigue and drowsiness in the following day. The existence of problems across the spectrum triggered solely by lack of sleep is of high concern 💥 VC: 'problems across the spectrum' ko cụ thể -> spanning both mental and physical health due to insufficient sleep proving the urgency to address such a trend.

As regards measures, there is a strong consensus on the necessity of limiting exposure to blue light prior to bedtime as well as enhancement in time-management skill 💥 VC: 'enhancement' hơi formal và ko phổ biến -> improving time management skills. The reason behind this is that blue light is acknowledged to be the main driver for disturbance in humans’ circadian rhythm, which further interferes with the production of chemical substances signaling sleepiness.

Paradoxically, using mobile phones or laptops before getting sleep 💥 VC: Sai collocation -> going to sleep is of no rare but, instead, a prevalent habit 💥 GR: Sai cấu trúc -> anything but rare and, in fact, widespread among the populace. A complete avoidance of those blue-light-emitting devices or limiting it 💥 GR: devices mà -> them to certain levels is, therefore, a movement that addresses the problem at its crux 💥 VC: 'movement' chưa đúng ngữ cảnh -> effectively. However, this solution can only be performed when individuals are not compelled to utilize that technology; the case in which workload is a determining factor 💥 VC: -> especially when work demands technology use.

Residents must allocate their time more efficiently, cutting down on dead time 💥 VC: 'dead time' có ko nhỉ -> unproductive activities in order to complete a multitude of demanding tasks in today's world. While arduous, achieving this paradigm shift is both feasible and indispensable to maintain our own health.

From the realm of fleeting to long-term effects, from mental health to physical health, in none of these can the absence of devastating aftermath stemming from sleep deprivation be observed 💥 GR: -> all aspects reveal the severe toll of sleep deprivation. Beyond question, it is imperative to execute movements addressing the underlying causes of such a phenomenon, including spending time more effectively and averting exposure to blue light in the pre-sleep timeframe.

Task Response (7.0)

• Em có trình bày khá rõ các hậu quả và giải pháp. Tuy nhiên, giải pháp còn khá hời hợt, chưa khai thác kỹ vào mặt tâm lý và hậu quả xã hội sâu hơn.

• Đề xuất: Có thể phát triển thêm về tác động của việc thiếu ngủ đối với năng suất công việc và mối quan hệ cá nhân.

Coherence and Cohesion (7.0)

• Ý nối khá tốt, nhưng có một số chỗ lặp từ và chưa mượt mà.

• Đề xuất: Dùng thêm các từ nối như By the same token, By all accounts, Beyond doubt để tăng tính liên kết.

Vocabulary (7.5)

• Có nhiều từ vựng tốt nhưng đôi khi quá formal hoặc không tự nhiên (ví dụ: embedment, affliction).

• Đề xuất: Thay thế bằng các từ tự nhiên hơn như retention, catching.

Grammar (7.0)

• Có lỗi về mệnh đề bị động và thì hoàn thành.

• Đề xuất: Chú ý hơn đến sự nhất quán về thì, tránh dùng bị động không cần thiết.

═══nn══════════════

Whether for the sake of scientific developments or the inherent inquisitiveness of humanity, exploring the universe, particularly seeking extraterrestrial life is indubitably intriguing. However, when it comes to allocating money for this aspect, the debate has become particularly intense. While the proponents highlight this notion as a potential milestone for human development and prospective inspirations for innovations, the critics demand a focus on other urgent global issues, including poverty, famine, and even pollution. The following essay will critically delve into these opposing perspectives before giving my own opinion, which posits that basic needs for population 💥 VC: dùng "the population" hoặc "people" vì 'population' là khái niệm chung cần mạo từ must be prioritized over any scientific breakthrough.

The justifications of the advocates for (RƯỜM RÀ NHIỀU GIỚI TỪ QUÁ, NÊN ADVOCATES BELIEVE, NÊN ĐƠN GIẢN HOÁ ĐI) finding living beings in outer space hinge on the desire to answer the perennial question that can open doors to limitless potentials 💥 VC: chỗ này đang nói đến potential nói chung. It stands to reason that throughout the history 💥 GR: thiếu mạo từ xác định, nên dùng 'throughout history' advancements in science are 💥 GR: thì hoàn thành tiếp diễn phù hợp hơn - have been majorly driven by our natural curiosity. We need not look further than cases of 💥 GR: 'cases of' ko phù hợp ở đây -> 'the examples of' Isaac Newton, Edison, Albert Einstein, and many other globally influential individuals in the scientific realm alone to see the power of such a virtue. Hence, it is far from inconceivable that governments’ actions should be based on the nature of humans, which is to aspire to attain great feats, especially in astronomy. It should also be acknowledged that these advancements are by no means impractical or irrelevant to our daily lives. In fact, they are the space excursions that bring about 💥 GR 'space excursions have facilitated the advent of' a number of ubiquitous devices, listing 💥 GR: nên đổi thành 'including' cho tự nhiên hơn phones’ cameras, wireless headsets, and even water purification systems. The combination of these factors creates the foundation for the idea of allocating money for seeking alien living things.

On the flip side, it can be stated that these aforementioned arguments are based on a complete misconception. Under no circumstances should the living conditions of any human being be neglected. Around the world, there have already been numerous conferences revolving around addressing the troubling status quo of poverty, famine, and climate change, yet none of effective and drastic measures have been proposed 💥 GR: none + singular verb, sửa thành 'none of the measures has been effective' engendering a reasonable and obvious concern over devising efficient solutions. This is evidenced with the cases of South Sudan where global warming has led to frequent flood and drought 💥 GR: nên dùng 'floods and droughts' cho danh từ số nhiều resulting in rising costs and devastation that leave residents in extreme poverty and food scarcity. The scale is further weighted to the side of opponents when considering the astronomical amount of capital must be expended 💥 GR: nên là 'that must be expended' để đủ cấu trúc câu to execute the action in question. It is also our inherent humanity to display empathy for every other person in need and hence should act accordingly. Beyond question, striving for something cost-intensive and indefinite at the expense of basic needs of residents undisputedly goes 💥 GR: 'is unquestionably' against the essential idea of morality.

Conclusion: Ultimately, it goes without saying that shifting funding influx to extraterrestrial life instead of societal concerning issues can only do more harm than good. Regardless of any perceived or potential benefit, a policy must not be put into practice when it overlooks the lives of thousands or even millions, as that is completely opposed to the world’s humanity.

1. Task Achievement (6.5)

   • Em đã diễn đạt quan điểm khá rõ, nhưng phần giải thích ý tưởng cần chi tiết hơn, ví dụ: lý do nào chính xác khiến công nghệ trong không gian dẫn tới cải tiến đời sống hàng ngày?

   • Đưa thêm dẫn chứng cụ thể, ví dụ như ngân sách quốc gia bị hạn chế và cần ưu tiên vấn đề xã hội cấp bách.

2. Coherence and Cohesion (6.5)

   • Ý chính được trình bày rõ nhưng một số chỗ chuyển ý chưa mượt. Có thể dùng thêm các từ nối như "on the other hand", "by the same token", "moreover".

   • Đoạn 2 cần kết nối mạnh hơn với đoạn 1, ví dụ: "While innovation has undeniable benefits,...".

3. Vocabulary (7.0)

   • Cố gắng sử dụng từ vựng đa dạng, nhưng còn một số lỗi collocation: 'potentials' -> 'potential', 'cases of' -> 'examples of'.

   • Thêm các cụm từ mạnh hơn để tăng sức thuyết phục: "indubitably," "beyond measure," "at the expense of."

4. Grammar (6.5)

   • Một số lỗi mạo từ và dạng từ, đặc biệt là: "flood and drought" -> "floods and droughts".

   • Cần chú ý đến thì hoàn thành tiếp diễn trong câu giải thích lịch sử khoa học.

   
   

One glaring observation is that the USA emerged as the leader across the spectrum while the opposite was true for New Zealand. 

Both the United States and the United Kingdom were witnessed to outnumber other countries by substantial margins. Strikingly, the figures for the former roughly doubled those of the latter in every category, with 69, 54, and 58 for biology, medicine, and psychology respectively. 

Yet, similar differences can still be seen when comparing the UK with Australia and Canada with the exception of the biology major, which registered the same number of 9 for

both of them.  Meanwhile, New Zealand, while a mere gap of 3 was recorded in that very same discipline, paled in comparison with the rest regarding the two remaining subjects with its 2 for medicine and 4 for psychology, standing at under one-tenth of statistic of the top ranker.

My justifications for this shift solely hinge on the idea of supply and demand, which undeniably is a universal rule for every type of market. Far from beneficial to any specific individual or subject in the society, it is a practical mutation that does good to the community as a whole. In this setting, not only is the national economy boosted as trades are promoted, but the rise in variety of products can be seen to enhance individuals’ daily lives. For instance, the geographical bound is rendered non-existent as Vietnamese residents can easily purchase goods originating from the other side of the planet, even including the latest devices. This perceptible outcome is a direct result of globalization, which has been praised for enabling the populace around the globe to reap the rewards of foreign regions. Ultimately, this is neither a perplexing trend nor a looming one. It is, rather, an unavoidable path that is facilitated by nations.

On the flip side, opponents have raised their skepticism of such a promising reality, stating that the distinctiveness of countries is at risk with this unchecked phenomenon. However, this is a shallow argument that easily falls apart under scrutiny. Inherently, the idea of confining the vast realm of ‘national diversity’ to the mere tendency of markets is a misguiding flaw. This is evidenced by the fact that throughout history, national identities are strongly associated with cultural aspects such as festivals, holidays, and customs rather than the status quo of trading, all of which are strived to be preserved and fostered by a multitude of countries. By virtue of those policies, it is safe to say that the distinctiveness of countries will not be neglected with the change in question.

In conclusion, acknowledging the advantages for the national economy and meeting residential needs, boundless markets will do more good than harm across the realm. By all accounts, such a trend will not thrive at the expense of national identities and hence should be endorsed.

✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.5; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨
═══nn══════════════════════

Whether for daily commuting or tackling air pollution, the enhancement in the transportation facilities 💥 VC: transportation infrastructure -> collocation chưa chuẩn, "infrastructure" thường dùng hơn is indubitably paramount. However, when it comes to whether money should be allocated for road expansions or public transport systems advancements, the debate has become particularly intense. While some tout the former idea for offering more space and lanes for travelling 💥 VC: travel hơn phù hợp hơn, essentially easing the stress on the current traffic, others praise the latter one for its proficiency 💥 VC: efficiency and economical nature. From my perspective, it is the improvements in the public transport 💥 GR: improvements to public transport systems - that can directly address the issue at its crux.

My justifications for enhancing the public services 💥 VC: transport systems hinge on the idea of solving the underlying root causes. It goes without saying that cutting down on the number of vehicles on the road is both feasible and cost-saving. The case is most compelling when we consider that in Vietnam alone, there is no end to the rise in demand for public conveyances 💥 VC: transportation -> từ "conveyances" khá cũ và ít dùng trong ngữ cảnh hiện đại, and it is the failure to meet residents’ needs that drives many to purchase motorbikes. In this setting, advancing the systems, by no means, solely serves to satisfy current demands. It will, rather, initiate a tendency to opt for public commuting, acknowledging that speed and comfortability are ensured by the authorities. 💥 CC: câu này dài dòng và không rõ ràng -> It will encourage public commuting by ensuring speed and comfort. However, only by executing various campaigns and movements to promote using these sorts of transportation can the allocation use be optimized, as it is our minds that drive our actions. If both are achieved, the outcomes are anything but objectionable 💥 VC: undoubtedly beneficial.

On the flip side, what opponents’ arguments are based on is the obvious correlation between road span and the burden of traffic: as more space is given to a definite number of vehicles 💥 VC: fixed number of vehicles, stress must be mitigated. This perspective, nonetheless, happens to be 💥 GR: is inherently a fundamental flaw. The very notion of a fixed number of transportations of any kind 💥 VC: vehicles is inherently wrong and groundless. As this holds true, the foundation for road expansion is rendered, simply, misguided and can only benefit in the short term. As more residents are compelled to drive once they recognize the offered proactiveness 💥 VC: convenience -, comfortability 💥 VC: comfort -, and the achieved low traffic intensity, the status quo will eventually reach the original point, where the capacity of roads fails to keep up with the number of vehicles. Such a result is far from imperceptible. It is, rather, akin to a simple analogy of treating the symptoms but not the cause of a disease—can only bring fleeting effects 💥 VC: yielding only temporary relief . The scale weighs more toward the former idea when we account for the cost-intensive nature of enlarging roads.

In conclusion, investing money in public transportation, regarding its benefits of meeting ongoing needs and initiating a fruitful tendency, is proved 💥 GR: proven to do more good than harm. Meanwhile, the remaining proposal pales in comparison with the aforementioned movement both money-wise and in proficiency as well as practicality.

Suggestions for Improvement:

1. Task Achievement (7.0):

• Em trình bày quan điểm rõ ràng, nhưng phần justification cho public transport cần mở rộng thêm ví dụ cụ thể (e.g., cities where public transport has reduced traffic).

• Một số cụm chưa phát triển đủ thuyết phục: “campaigns and movements to promote using these sorts of transportation” -> cần thêm ví dụ thực tiễn.

2. Coherence and Cohesion (7.5):

• Em dùng liên kết rất tốt nhưng cần bổ sung đa dạng hơn các cụm như "Conversely, In light of this, As such."

• Một số đoạn có thể ngắn gọn và trực tiếp hơn để tăng tính mạch lạc.

3. Vocabulary (7.0):

• Đã có từ vựng tốt, nhưng cần tránh lạm dụng từ ít phổ biến hoặc không tự nhiên (e.g., "comfortability," "proficiency").

• Thay thế bằng các cụm như "optimal comfort," "efficiency in transportation."

4. Grammar (6.5):

• Nhiều lỗi nhỏ về từ loại (e.g., comfortability -> comfort).

• Dùng thêm các cấu trúc nhấn mạnh để nâng tầm văn phong: "What must be prioritized, however, is..."

Intro:

• Câu 1 (graph name): The given chart illustrates information on/ data on/ the proportion of/ the amount of/ the comparison between

• Cau 2(overview): Overall, it can be observed that the data presents + <trend/popularity/correlation>

  hoac:

  while the first graph details the <trend/popularity>, the second one shows <trend/popularity>

  • E.g: The given graph presents the monthly rates of Shanghai Library attendants in the year 2010. Overall, it can be observed that the data presents an increasing trend throughout the year.

• Yêu cầu mở: tên + xu hướng chung nhưng tả kĩ cấp độ + diễn biến chính + ý nghĩa của thay đổi (context)

Yêu cầu cho mỗi câu body: từ nối + trend (tả fact) + figure (dẫn số) + time

2 cách chia số liệu:

• Chia theo trục tgian: tìm turning point (điểm tất cả các đường đều có sự thay đổi)

  • Chia 2 đoạn như bth (3-4 câu/ đoạn)

• chia theo pattern: cnao thay doi similaly di vs nhau, con lai 1 doan rieng

• Có trục tgian

  • Kết cấu: 3 phần mở thân kết

  • Mở: tên đồ thị + diễn biến chính (context) + tăng giảm

  • Thân:

    • Thân 1: điểm tgian đầu, tả tất cả các cột trong, dùng ngôn ngữ xếp hạng

      Dùng ngôn ngữ chiếm (cgi chiếm bao nhiêu) để biểu diễn số liệu

    • Thân 2: tả điểm tgian cuối

      Kết hợp ngôn ngữ xếp hạng, chiếm, tăng giảm để nhắc đến toàn bộ quá trình

• Ko có trục tgian

  • Cách chia số liệu đoạn thân:

    • Xếp hạng các số liệu (cột) --> nhìn pattern

    • 2 cách

      • C1 (nhóm): đoạn 1 - các nhóm giống nhau, đoạn 2 - các nhóm còn lại

      • C2(cột): đoạn 1 - cao nhất thấp nhất, đoạn 2. còn lại

• Ngôn ngữ:

  • so sánh nhất

  • xếp hạng

  • range from bét --> nhất, in the range of

✨ TR: 6.5 | CC: 6.5 | VC: 6.0 | GR: 6.5 ✨

The given chart compares the proportion of individuals eating fruit and vegetables in five portions daily between adult males, females, and children in the 8-year span.

💥VC: 'in five portions daily' hơi lủng củng, chuyển thành -> consuming five portions of fruit and vegetables daily.

Overall, it is observable that rising trends could be witnessed across the graph. 💥VC: 'rising trends could be witnessed' hơi cứng, nên thay bằng 'an upward trend was evident throughout'. Another notable point is that the ranking for all categories stood consistently throughout the period, indicating the persistent differences in demand for eating fruit and vegetables in all cohorts.

💥VC: 'ranking for all categories' chưa rõ ý -> 'the relative consumption levels among the three groups' để rõ hơn.

Regarding the adult subjects, from the start of the period to 2006, both genders experienced consistent increases from a fifth to 35% and from 18% to just under a third for men and women, respectively, acknowledging the exception of the stability in the first 3 years recorded in the figure for the latter.

💥GR + CC: 'acknowledging the exception of the stability' hơi tối nghĩa, nên chuyển thành -> except for a stable period during the first three years for women.
💥GR: 'from a fifth' cần cụ thể hơn, như 'from 20%' để dễ hiểu.

Peaking in the very same year, while data for males moderately dropped to a precise 30% in 2008, that for females had been stagnant until undergoing a negligible decline by 1% in the end.

💥VC: 'the very same year' -> ko phù hợp trong task 1, có thể thay bằng 'the same year'.

Similar to the trend observed in women, the figure for the young witnessed no dynamic in the three-year period before it steadily climbed to hit the apex at roughly 26% in 2007. The last year marked its decrease of 2%, registering a value that doubled its original proportion.

💥VC: 'witnessed no dynamic' -> diễn đạt không tự nhiên, nên đổi thành 'remained unchanged'.
💥GR: 'the last year marked its decrease of 2%' nên là 'a decrease of 2% was recorded in the final year'.

✨ TR (Task Response) – 6.5

• Đã nêu rõ các xu hướng và so sánh giữa ba nhóm nhưng thiếu phân tích sâu hơn.

• Chưa thực sự làm rõ mối quan hệ giữa các số liệu (tăng giảm có ảnh hưởng qua lại ko).

VD

• Thêm phân tích về sự chênh lệch tỷ lệ giữa ba nhóm, ví dụ: "Despite a consistent gap between genders, both groups showed parallel upward trends."

• Chỉ ra sự khác biệt rõ ràng hơn giữa các mốc thời gian.

✨ CC (Coherence & Cohesion) – 6.5

• Ý được trình bày theo trình tự nhưng liên kết câu chưa mượt.

• Một số từ nối chưa linh hoạt, lặp nhiều 'similar to', 'the same year'.

vD:

• Thay đổi cách diễn đạt từ nối, ví dụ: "Meanwhile, both genders showed...", "Similarly, children exhibited...".

• Đưa thêm cụm từ như "By contrast", "In comparison" để làm rõ sự so sánh.

✨ VC (Vocabulary) – 6.0

• Một số từ dùng chưa chính xác ngữ cảnh: "ranking", "witnessed no dynamic".

• Cần thêm các cụm từ học thuật hơn như "a stable plateau", "an upward surge".

Cải thiện:

• Sử dụng từ vựng linh hoạt hơn: "a gradual increase", "a steady upward trend", "a marginal decline".

• Tránh lặp từ như "trend", "increase", "climb" quá nhiều lần.

✨ GR (Grammar) – 6.5

• Một số lỗi cấu trúc câu và tense: "acknowledging the exception of stability" -> thiếu tự nhiên.

• Lỗi thì: "had been stagnant" -> cần rõ ràng hơn khi mô tả dữ liệu tĩnh.

With no end to the ongoing rise in pollution of every kind around the globe, much concern has been raised among the public, demanding immediate and effective solutions for such an urgent issue. Yet, when it comes to the responsibility of each individual to take care of their own areas, the debate has become particularly intense. From my perspective, this policy will do more good than harm, acknowledging the humans’ relying and selfish nature 💥 GR: Sai cấu trúc sở hữu & diễn đạt thiếu tự nhiên → humans' reliance on their selfish nature. However, this should be executed with certain regulations to meet the standard for the general living conditions of the communities.

My justifications for the proposal in question hinge on the fundamental concept of personal advantages. It stands to reason that the mindset of prioritizing ourselves 💥 VC: "ourselves" hơi thừa ở đây → self-interest is deeply ingrained in our natural survival instinction 💥 GR: instinction? Sai từ loại, phải là → instinct. To see the power of this tendency, we need not look further than the case of Darwin’s theory of evolution, which posits that species are compelled to take advantage of their surrounding 💥 GR: surrounding là adj → surroundings (noun), including both living beings and objects, to survive. This, however, has sown a seed for the negative branchs 💥 SP: branches (lỗi số nhiều) of greediness and selfishness, which encourage individuals to withdraw their own efforts and resources when possible while relying on others who can complete the mutual tasks to make the most out of the circumstance 💥 GR: circumstances (lỗi số nhiều). In this setting, the aforementioned suggestion is far from imperceptible 💥 VC: "imperceptible" = ko thể nhận ra, chưa hợp nghĩa → unjustifiable hoặc unfounded phù hợp hơn. It is, rather, a movement that addresses the problem at its crux 💥 VC: chưa tự nhiên → at its core. Only by forcing every resident to hold responsibility for their own living environments can we render them experiencing incurring outcomes 💥 GR: cấu trúc sai, cần → experience direct consequences, which undeniably take a toll on their personal gains. It is this fear of blighting their own advantages that will influence their mindset, which inevitably can lead to mutations in actions.

Yet, this solution can only be optimized with proper regulations and deterrence being carried out accordingly. Based on the very same notion, fines and punishments in these scenarios not only contribute to the society money-wise 💥 VC: informal, đề xuất → financially, regarding financial tolls, but also serve to highlight the loss of one’s possession. By all accounts, this is by no means irrelevant but, instead, is the foundation of the discussed idea of damaging personal benefits 💥 GR: diễn đạt thừa và cồng kềnh → underpins the concept of personal accountability. Beyond the realm of financial contribution, doing so also precludes the case of blighting the environment with the reasoning of having full authority over their assigned living areas, lowering the living conditions of the neighborhood as a whole. While arduous, this is both feasible and indispensable to reap the perceived rewards to its fullest when implementing this policy.

In conclusion, protected and preserved environments can be achieved when the governments put individuals in positions to blame 💥 VC: cấu trúc chưa chính xác → hold individuals accountable in case of damaging. However, without reasonable deterrences being executed at their wrongdoings, this proposal can be rendered ineffective since their personal gains are not at risk.

🟥 Đánh giá chi tiết:

1. Task Achievement (TR: 7.0)

• Em có diễn đạt lập luận rõ ràng, có dẫn chứng Darwin khá thuyết phục.

• Tuy nhiên, thiếu phát triển một số ý tưởng như tại sao tâm lý sợ mất lợi ích cá nhân lại có thể thúc đẩy hành động?

• Nên bổ sung thêm ví dụ thực tế hoặc dữ kiện để củng cố luận điểm.

• Thêm ví dụ thực tế về các thành phố có chính sách phạt mạnh tay (Singapore chẳng hạn).

• Phân tích thêm về tâm lý học hành vi khi con người thấy mất mát lợi ích cá nhân.

2. Coherence and Cohesion (CC: 6.5)

• Có sử dụng kết nối ý nhưng chưa mượt.

Cải thiện:

• Dùng thêm các cụm từ như That said, By the same token, In light of this để làm rõ ý chuyển đoạn.

• Kết nối các đoạn bằng reference words (this idea, such a policy...).

3. Vocabulary (VC: 6.5)

• Có nỗ lực dùng từ đa dạng nhưng một số từ sai collocation: experience incurring outcomes → experience direct consequences.

Cải thiện:

• Dùng cụm từ formal hơn như: At the core, From a broader perspective, Financially impactful.

• Cải tiến biểu đạt giàu hình ảnh hơn: In the grand scheme of things, Beneath the veneer of self-interest.

4. Grammar (GR: 6.5)

• Lỗi chủ yếu ở word forms và số nhiều.

• Dùng cụm bị động chưa đúng ngữ pháp: can only optimized → can only be optimized.

Cải thiện:

• Rà soát lỗi số ít/số nhiều và word forms kỹ hơn.

• Dùng thử inversion như: Not only should fines be imposed, but they must also be enforced strictly.

══════════════════════

Given are charts that depict the structural shifts in the proportion of films produced and sold tickets for four genres including drama, comedy, fantasy, and romance over a four-year span, commencing in 1996.

Overall, it is observable that the film productions for almost all the included categories experienced upward trends except for romance. Likewise, the ticket market witnessed rises in three out of four genres.

Regarding the share of films released, the drama type 💥 VC -> genre had stood as the leader throughout the period, accounting for just over a fourth before climbing to precisely 35% in 2000, outnumbered others by a considerable margin 💥 GR: lỗi tense -> outnumbering others. This tendency was followed by comedy movies, albeit the shift was less significant, registering 25% after a mere increase 💥 VC -> a moderate increase of 5%. A roughly similar difference was observed in the production of fantasy, securing its original third rank with a lower starting point at above 💥 GR: collocation -> of just over one-tenth. Meanwhile, the producers displayed no interest in raising the share of romance type 💥 VC: Câu nghe quá phán xét thế -> romance remained the least produced genre, keeping it at the lowest across the chart of just 💥 VC: "just" không cần thiết 6%.

Turning to the ticket sales, comedy emerged as the increasingly favoured option across the market with the largest shares of 20% and 23% in 1996 and 2000, respectively. In second place were drama movies, accounting for 16% of total sales in the beginning while undergoing a negligible growth of 1%. Strikingly, a whopping gap between this figure and that for fantasy films was demonstrated 💥 GR: passive dùng ko hợp lý -> was evident. Despite experiencing a two-fold surge, the percentage of tickets for the fantasy genre was just in the vicinity of 7% by 2000. In stark contrast, only slightly less than half of the 1996 share was recorded to be maintained 💥 GR: awkward phrasing -> retained by romance viewers.

NHẬN XÉT ĐỂ CẢI THIỆN

• Em có diễn đạt rõ ràng các xu hướng, nhưng một số phần nghe hơi cảm xúc.

• Cần thêm cụ thể hóa số liệu hơn, ví dụ: "precisely 35% in 2000, a considerable lead over other genres."

• Một số xu hướng còn chung chung, chưa được so sánh kỹ với số liệu.

• Câu “Meanwhile, the producers displayed…” chuyển ý chưa mượt, nên thay bằng “In contrast.”

• Một số từ dùng chưa đủ formal như "type" nên thay bằng "genre."

• Cần tránh lặp “just” và ưu tiên từ khác như “slightly less than.”

• Thì động từ chưa đồng nhất, có lỗi như "outnumbered" -> "outnumbering."

• Cấu trúc bị động hơi gượng ép ở câu "was recorded to be maintained," nên sửa thành chủ động.

• Thêm chi tiết: Ví dụ: "Drama production accounted for precisely 35%, surpassing comedy by a wide margin of 10%."

• Cải thiện liên kết: "While comedy and drama continued to rise, fantasy remained comparatively stagnant."

• Ngôn ngữ nâng cao: Dùng các từ như "colossal increase," "flagging interest," "notably contrasting" để tăng độ formal và chính xác.

đi tập gym: hit the gym.

tôi chọn, tôi thích: a go-to choice for students

lên xe, đi xe: hop on a bus
Tôi chọn: XXX wins for me

rất khác nhau: crazy different/ it's a night and day difference.

cả hai cùng cos lợi: it feels like a win-win (buzzword)

không thích: I just can't stand

chuyện bình thường mà: That’s the usual thing.

tôi kiểu thế: that rings true for me

bao giờ rảnh: once life slows down a bit

as my life has sped up

vào năm học: once high school kicked in

không có nhiều tgian làm vc đó nữa: reading took a backseat.

thư giãn đầu óc: clear my head.

điều tôi muốn làm nhất: the ultimate fix for sth is wealth

lấy lại năng lượng: it's nature’s reset button, helping you recharge and wake up ready for the next day.

không hợp: I’m not really cut out for it

quá mệt để làm gì: too wiped out to cook/ too burn-out to be in the mood of/ don't feel up to Ving.

thức cả đêm: pull an all-nighter/ pull all-nighters

Hồi đấy: Back in the day

Tập trung vào: zone in on my studies

xả hơi tí: zone out for a bit

tuân thủ: I swear by my early morning study session

tập trung tốt nhất: I hit my peak focus.

chơi cùng: team up with

cực kì quan trọng: totally make or break an experience/ the thing is

dễ: effortless

CÒN TUỲ: IT depends/ sth isn't set in stone

học nhồi: cram in sth

có cái gì đấy sai sai: sth doesn't add up

bắt đầu thấy sth: feel the sth creeping in

làm việc cật lực: hunch over my desk for hours, trying to V
buồn: feel down

chán: be bored out of my mind

bắt chước: followed suit/ go with the flow

lười ko làm gì: if someone slacks off

tự làm một mình: fly solo to V

lạc quẻ, lạc điệu: team’s out of sync.

mượn tiền: borrow a few bucks / borrow cash from

lỗi thời: sth is fading out. / coins were already out in Vietnam back then too.

rút điện thoại ra: Everyone just whips out their phones for

tình cờ thấy: stumble upon a super rare or cool-looking coin

không làm tiếp sth nữa: fall out of the habit

cố tìm tgian: manage to squeeze in sth

vết trượt dài: it’s a slippery slope.

cố cân bằng: find the middle ground

cố kiểm soát: try to keep it in check.

cả thế giới nó thế: It’s like a global obsession

rất khó: I’d say it’s next to impossible to find a friend who

cuốn theo: get caught up in the social media whirlwind.

đang cố: I’m working on cutting back

ko có tgian: I don’t (đừn) have the luxury to waste hours doomscrolling

đú theo: jump on the bandwagon

chả bao giờ đồng ý: my parents were never on board with the idea.

cho vui: getting a dog to liven up the house.
Tất cả mọi thứ: It’s all over the place—ants, fish, hamsters, birds, you name it
trì hoãn: I hold off

khi rảnh chút: my life slows down a bit

cái gì chả có hai mặt: Everything has its trade-offs

dễ bị: be prone to sth (health issues)

rất adj: crazy expensive

không thích: doesn't spark any excitement in me/ sth doesn't make the cut for me.

quản lý chi tiêu: keep track of expenses

chung quy là do: it all comes down to number

bị bỏ mặc: get left behind.

cực mê: I’m all about sth/ I got into sth

ngập trong đống bài: be swamped with homework

chụp ảnh: Snap pics with my

cố hết sức: be all in on being a goalkeeper

nài nỉ sb to V: I kept pestering him to switch

ko bỏ được: He never ditched soccer/ / I stuck with/

lờ sth đi: write them off as unimportant.

thích: they thrive on variety/ be hooked on

thấy vui: feel content with

chật kín: jam-packed with other stuff

My justifications for such a policy hinge on the notion of the efficiency in providing workers with hands-on experience. It stands to reason that there are a variety of job which focus on skill for practical work rather than understanding of theoretical concept including chefs or electricians. In light of this, investing more on specialized training can carve a direct path for individuals to the demanding job market. By the same token, since vocational programs are typically shorter and less cost-intensive, it can aid residents by offering residents a settled job, contributing to their financial staibility, while not requiring them paying colossal cost initially. This is most compelling when we consider the cases of families who have already been struggling to make ends meet, implying an inability to keep up with the increasing tuition fees of regular university and hence should be supported by the communities. To achieve this end, organizing skills training for practical work is far from perplexing. It is, rather, the shortest route to a secured job that can, much or less, ease their financial burdens.

On the flip side, opponents praise the undisputed importance of university in our society, especially regarding scientific breakthrough, to raise concerns over issues caused by neglect for such indispendable instituitions. There is no denying that they are the higher working class whose jobs require extensively broad knowledge and considerably deep insights that are the main fuel for societal progression. In scienctific realms alone, highly educated individuals such as professionals or scientist have been known to be accountable for the expansion in humanity’s knowledge reservoir. This is evidenced by the contributions of Issac Newton, Albeit Einstein or Bill Gates, all of whom had received the most advanced and highly regarded education. Under the circumstance of current world, this notion still holds true. To understand the reason behind this, we need not look further than cases of Covid-19 vaccines to acknowledge a fact that major inventions demanding extensive resources to devise are mostly developed in a well-equipped environment with state-of-the-art facilities. In this case, they are the well-funded universities that are suitable. The combination of these factors have depicted a reality where any carelessness over allocation for universities can take a toll on social advancements and is anything but justifiable.

In conclusion, the job market for those with practical working skills show no sign of sluggish and thus demands an influx in qualified workforce. In the wake of this, vocational training must received more attention as well as financial resources. Nevertheless, the role of universities also firmly holds the ground with regards to their undeniable and evident contribution to the unrelenting progress of the society. Ultimately, more money should be allocated for running vocational programmes but must not be done at the expense of the sustainability of the university systems, regardless of perceived benefits.

vis dụ:

Still, every now and then, when I feel like switching things up, I’ll take the bus just for the vibe.

• ko tập theo dấu chấm phẩy

• ĐỌC LIỀN CHUNK ko có nghĩa là nói nhanh ríu -> LIỀN 1 HƠI

3. nếu thấy câu trả lời bị viết theo ngôn ngữ quá formal, khó học thuộc => sơ chế thành câu đơn, thêm phần hooker (you know, you won't believe this, honestly, trust me...) , break down thành các phrase nhỏ, từ đơn giản.

4. ko bắt đầu bằng so, uhm, like quá nhiều

5. ko quá dramatic (khoảng chênh giữa lên và xuống phải hợp lý )

   
   

6. nói rõ, tròn vành rõ chữ , ko líu, check với transcript khi tập

A bad experience with customer service 

Why is good customer service important? 

What should companies do to handle complaints? 

Do you think bad experiences make people avoid certain brands? 

A time you argued with someone 

Why do people argue? 

How can conflicts be resolved peacefully? 

Do you think arguments are always bad? 

A time you faced rejection 

How can rejection help a person grow? 

Why is rejection hard for some people? 

Do you think rejection motivates people to try harder? 

A time you failed to achieve something 

How does failure shape a person’s character? 

Why do people fear failure? 

Do you think failure is necessary for success? 

A time you was disappointed by someone 

Why do people get disappointed? 

How can people rebuild trust after disappointment? 

What can people do to manage their expectations? 

A time you was treated unfairly

• When and where did it happen?

• Who was involved?

• What was the situation?

• How did you feel at the time?

___________

1. năm ngoái, cuối học kì 2

2. làm project cho hội hs

3. edit 1 video từ đầu cho 1 conference. video dài khoảng 8 phút , chị sếp sẽ feed em information

4. họ yêu cầu là video đẹp hay ấn tượng chỉ với vài info gạch đầu dòng như vậy

5. chị này hơn e 1 tuổi nhg có nhiều kinh nghiệm mảng làm media nên tôi rất là respect her, tôi rất trust her in her chuyên môn

6. tôi đầu tư rất nhiều tâm sức, tôi làm rất là mất công, mất 3-4 ngày

7. but you know what, when i submit the product, she doesn't ko buồn check lại hoặc vì lý do nào đó mà team cho up lên fb luôn.

8. nhưng đột nhiên, 10 phút sau tôi nhận đc google meet call từ chị ý, cùng táta cả mọi người và 1 bài mắng té tát 20 phút liền. Mắng chỉ mình tôi.

9. Can you believe it, out of nowhere chị ý bảo tôi là vô trách nhiệm, thiếu tôn trọng. Tôi đã rất tâm huyết, rất tôn trọng chị ý mà. Mà bình thường nói chuyện với tôi, chị ý còn rất sweet.

10. Đấy là điều làm tôi sốc. Tôi cố thanh minh là tôi đã tút rất kĩ, retouch cả những comment trc đó của mọi nguowif.

11. You know, nhận được feedback sau khi trả sp là chuyện rất bt và ko bao giờ tôi take it personally but this...? undescribable

12. Chị kept going on cho tới khi we got down to the real video uploaded. you know what. it turned out that they uploaded the draft version of it. They got it fixed right after but no one cared to fix... me. The next day, I got an apology text from her but you know the kind of "hey man i'm sorry".

13. Shaming me in front of 6 people, all knew me, without a sound reason, and apologize through text? Come on, I need an official apology in front of the whole team to make up for it.

14. After that incidence, it dawns on me that một mối quan hệ bình thường thì ngta có thể rất là tử tế với nhau nhưng chỉ khi có chuyện thì mới biết ai dễ quay lưng với mình thì tức là ngta chẳng trust mình. Một mối quan hệ không có foundation.

BÌNH THƯỜNG NÓI CHUYỆN VỚI NHAU rất thoải mái

• Why do people seek fairness in all situations? 

• How should people handle unfair treatment? 

• Do you think life is inherently fair or unfair? 

6.5: fluent, đừng vấp ở task 1

7.0: duy trì fluency xuyên suốt p2, p3, đừng bị trừ điểm vì ý tưởng

A time you was misunderstood 

Why do misunderstandings occur? 

How can people improve communication to avoid misunderstandings? 

Do misunderstandings happen more online or face-to-face? 

A time you made a big mistake 

• Why do people fear making mistakes? 

• How do mistakes help people improve? 

• Do you think schools should teach students to handle mistakes better? 

A time you lost something valuable 

Why do people misplace important things? 

What should people do after losing something? 

How can parents teach children to take care of their belongings? 

A time you lost an opportunity 

• Why do people regret missed opportunities? 

• How can people create more opportunities for themselves? 

• Do you think luck plays a role in opportunities? 

A time you was cheated or scammed 

• Why are scams so common today? 

• How can people avoid being scammed? 

• Do you think authorities are doing enough to stop scams? 

A time you felt embarrassed 

Why do people get embarrassed easily? 

How can people turn embarrassing moments into positive lessons? 

Do you think confidence helps reduce embarrassment? 

A time you witnessed someone being rude 

Why are people rude in public places? 

How should one deal with rude behavior? 

Do you think stress makes people act rudely? 

A time you experienced a delay 

Why do delays frustrate people? 

How can public services improve to avoid delays? 

Do you think people are more impatient nowadays? 

A time you lost your way 

What makes people anxious when they’re lost? 

How has technology helped people avoid getting lost? 

Do you think people are less independent with GPS? 

A time you missed an important event 

Why is punctuality important? 

What can people do to avoid missing important events? 

How do people deal with regret? 

The leadẻ I worked with was just a year older than me but highly experienced in media. I respected her a lot and put a ton of trust in her skills. So, I went all out,seriously, I poured my heart into it (rất tâm huyết). I spent three to four solid days tweaking every tiny detail of the video until it looked spot-on.

But you know what? When I handed it in, for some reason, the team just uploaded it straight to Facebook. Ten minutes later, I got a Google Meet ambush from her, the leader with the whole team present. She went off the rails (mắng té tát) for a solid 20 minutes—at me, just me—like I was the only one who ever messed up a video.

She called me irresponsible and disrespectful. It hit me hard because I’d busted my back to make that video shine and always treated her with so much respect. Normally, she was pretty sweet when we talked, so this came out of nowhere to me.

Getting feedback is normal, and I never take it personally—but this? I was speechless (cạn lời luôn).

And you won't believe this. In the end, they figured it out that they’d uploaded the draft version (bản nháp), not the final cut. They fixed it quietly afterward, but no one fixed... me (tôi thì ai bù đắp?).

The next day, I got this half-hearted (hời hợt) apology tex. Just a “Hey man, sorry.” Really? Shaming me in front of six people who all knew me, but a text apology? Come on, if you’re gonna make a public scene, at least own it publicly too.

After that, it hit me hard, some people can seem kind when things are smooth, but the second things go south (mọi thứ tệ đi), they’ll turn on you (trở mặt) faster than you can blink. Yeah I learnt that trust was never really there between us.

My justifications for keeping violent scenes in check solely hinge on the concern over children’s mind, which is tied with the ineffectiveness in current approaches. Evidently, due to high-level plasticity, underdeveloped brains are likely to be shaped by exposure to surrounding factors including aggressive behaviours. Such tendencies explain the case of individuals who are familiar with violence having higher likelihood of displaying similar behaviours or even committing fraud when grown up—a problem that can only be aggravated when violence in films is beyond authorities’ control. Putting children in this setting can further render the case compelling as this cohort are known to develop by mimicking observed behaviours, with or without awareness. While titles indicating appropriate age-groups for each media product are already mandatory, they are no more than mere suggestions that are frequently disregarded by residents. By bringing strict regulations into practice, not only the use of age limits is optimized but the ubiquity of misguiding experiences is also minimized, regarding underage individuals.

On the flip side, some display objections to such a shallow view, demanding the free will of choices that can also boost the economy. It stands to reason that without implementing limits, products involving high violence intensity face no obstruction when being released to cinemas or TV, allowing them to reach a range of audience. As no need for making adjustments, the financial incentive in this case is also at its fullest. However, endorsing freedom of action for children, a cohort whose mind are not fully developed, is nothing but a patent flaw. The government must aspire to preclude any misguiding factors that can interfere with the young’s development in today’s society instead of holding them accountable for their actions. Moreover, even when taking the case of a more robust film industry into account, none of national policies should prioritize economic progressions at the expenses of individuals’ future, which can secure the source for functioning members of society.

Ultimately, while diverging and eventually increasing the number of audience is beneficial to the economy, it fails to guarantee healthy developments for the underage. It is, instead, a catalyst to turn innocent children into aggressive individuals or even criminals. Therefore, regulations for violence in movies should be put into practice for the sake of both children’s development and the stability of society.

--> nên chọn ng có kĩ năng ko quá đặc biệt nhưng giải quyết đc vde

• Brian, lớn hơn 1 tuổi

• photographer giỏi nhất ở trg và hà nội noi chung

• master việc dùng máy, cái máy 15 năm tuổi hay cái máy 175 triệu thì sản phẩm cũng admirable, dù dĩ nhiên là có sự khác biệt

• Toàn đi chụp những cái rất minor, simple trong cuộc sống --> nhiều người chê nhưng mà ai trong cộng đồng chụp ảnh thì cũng hiểu được cái tài năng ấy

• Chụp trash can, cái loa, hay chỉ là cái ghế ở góc trường rồi đưang insta

• Tuy là có nhiều tranh cãi, thế nhưng mà anh luôn đảm nhận những vị trí chủ chốt về media trong trường

• impactful --> found a photography club for the school

• Trước đấy thì dĩ nhiên là vẫn có những clb cần chụp ảnh nhưng k improve đc nhiều cho nx ng học chụp ảnh

• club của anh --> solve vde

• Nó không chỉ là nơi anh là teacher mà tạo ra 1 cái community để mọi người chia sẻ kiến thức, kinh nghiệm

• Tuy nhiên thì anh cũng có 1 số thứ hơi kì lạ, như kiểu anh thích việc chụp tự do và không bị gò bó bởi khuôn khổ --> nhiều ng phàn nàn

• For example: đang đi chụp recap thì đi vào rừng để chụp cây

• Ng có tài năng chụp ảnh thì cũng nhiều nhưng mà em không nghĩ có nhiều người có thể tạo đc impact như vc tạo ra cả 1 cộng đồng như ths

  
  

Em muốn nói về chị Mai Lê, dù chỉ hơn em 1 tuổi nhưng rất giỏi trong việc nói trước đám đông. Dù răng những kí ức của em về chị đa số xoay quanh đúng 1 sự kiện trong trường thôi, thế nhưng đấy cũng là 1 trong những sự kiện lớn nhất của trường và kéo dài suốt 2 tháng. Nói qua thì đấy là 1 cái giải đấu giữa 5 team với nhau, và em với chị là 2 trong số 4 leader của team tên Amber. Có 1 điều hơi đặc biệt là ở trong cái sự kiện này thì có những team sẽ chỉ tham gia với mục đích giải trí, tấu hài những cũng có những team như bọn em thì sẽ nhắm đến chức vô địch. Rõ ràng là điều ấy đồng nghĩ với việc hơn 300 người trong team đều sẽ phải cố gắng tập luyện hết sức có thể, gồng sức lên để tập trong khi các team khác lại mở nhạc hát với nhau. Thế nên chắc chắn sẽ có nhiều người ghen tị, đặt câu hỏi về việc tại sao mình cứ phải mệt mỏi trong khi có thể chơi. Và cái giỏi của chị ở vị trí captain đấy là chị có ghim vào trong đầu của mọi người cái tinh thần chiến thắng và không để bị lung lay. Thậm chí là những lúc mọi người không tập trung, chị cũng sẽ mắng thẳng luôn. Chị không hề sợ là mình mắng thì mọi người sẽ mất động lực để tham gia bởi vì cnay là optional, mà chị nói theo cái cách để khiến mọi người được motivated, để mọi người có lại cái ý chí để tập trung tập luyện. Và ở cuối bài nói, chị sẽ luôn hype up tinh thần tất cả mọi người, và chắc chắn làm thế với 300 người không phải điều dễ. Đây cũng là cái thứ khiến các team khác sợ Amber, bởi với việc có 1 leader có thể khiến mọi người vừa tập trung cố gắng lại vừa vững chãi về tinh thần thì khó có thể thua được. Như 1 lẽ tất nhiên, thì mọi thứ diễn ra y như những gì người ta sợ, team của em đã vô địch. Em nghĩ là sẽ có nhiều người giỏi lên tinh thần, cũng có nhiều người biết cách chỉ ra lỗi sai, nhưng việc vừa chỉ trích trực tiếp lỗi sai để giải quyết mà vẫn khơi lên được ý chí của mọi người thì có lẽ chẳng nhiều đâu.

The two maps compare the layout of the waterfront of a particular coastal land before and after the transformation into a park being carried out.
being carried out 💥 GR: "being carried out" là thì tiếp diễn, -> after it was transformed into a park.

Overall, there are profound alterations across the area with major focus on attractions and tourist-driven facilities, aiming to enhance both user’s 💥 GR: Đang nói chung chung, số nhiều là chính xác hơn -> users' experience and safety.

Regarding the landscape, all the original plain fields including unused and agricultural land have witnessed some pronounced changes.
witnessed 💥 VC: Sai từ loại, "witnessed" mang nghĩa con người chứng kiến từ xa, còn "undergone" là chính nó bị -> undergone.

In the western area, animal habitats were demolished to give room for an artificial lake supporting kayaking, which is bordered by greenery.

Meanwhile, on the opposite end, the land’s purpose was renewed and a new woodland was introduced, reflecting a demand for more exposure to nature has been rising 💥 GR: -> had been rising.

Strikingly, the closer area to the sea remained intact with the presence of tourists and their amenities being the sole difference.

The land has also been adapted to meet the demand of travellers with improvements in transportation and the addition of a drinking spot. Right at the central position, the old fam buildings 💥 SP -> farm buildings has been flattened into a car park that connects to tourists attractions 💥 GR: danh từ ghép nên phải là "tourist attractions" on both sides by footpaths.

To the south of it located a new steps 💥 GR: "Located" là động từ, nên ko thể theo sau bằng "a new steps" -> there is a new set of steps at the cliff, allowing for an easier and less perilous route for individuals going to the beach.

Another notable change is the construction of a coffee right 💥 VC: "Coffee" là danh từ cà phê để uống mà, cần đổi thành "a coffee shop" hoặc "a café" -> a café to the right of the connecting path from the main road to the parking slots.