Rosalie L. Peer Feedback 2022 - 2023 by Rosalie Lourenco https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2022-10-21 17:28:06 UTC 2023-06-15 13:20:11 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f42d.png Aishwarya Sharma https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2356496738 I enjoyed your writing piece and can definitely relate. One thing you did good was all your figuretive language. I loved how descriptive they were, letting people be in the moment. Another thing I thought you did good was adding extra luring detail, making people understand the moment your going through. One thing you can improve is by changing your layout of where the words were being placed. Some parts of your writing had words that could be flipped around to have a better understanding. ]]> 2022-10-26 02:30:18 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2356496738 Lyla Gleason https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2405634211 Omg Rosie your story gave me chills at the end.  I loved your piece so much!!  Just something for the side, I loved how you stretched the moment in the beginning, showing and not telling her walking up her driveway to her house, being angry and swatting at flies around her, jumping off the bus, and explaining how her bag was super duper heavy on her shoulders and how her arm had basically given up to keep carry it, and overall her mood and how she just wanted to get to her house. I also love how you showed her deciding what to do from boredom. One star I have for you is how well you showed what she was doing in the moment instead of rushing it too much.  I also loved the way you made her stop at so many places and have you do so many things in the short span of your story.  Another star I have for you is I loved how you ended the story.  I like it how you made the mom wear the shoes and how you hinted about something bad happening as she got ready to leave.  One wish I have for you, is to maybe stretch the moment with more figurative language.  I felt there was too much figurative language in you Narrative, but i overall enjoyed your story so much!  I felt like I was reading a real scene from a published book!  Good job, Rosie!!]]> 2022-12-01 19:09:12 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2405634211 Sadie https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2405674587 ⭐️I like you started the story by talking about what led the girl to find the shoes. I think that having the shoes be part of the Halloween costum was different and unique. I like how you had the description of the shoes being a clow shoe.
⭐️I liked how you added the flashback of when the shoes were bought. It was very interesting how the shoes effected the girl but not the Dad or Mom. It really helped me understand where the shoes came from.
🧞‍I think you could’ve also added more of a description to the places the girls were going. Use more show not tell. You just said the shoes brought you to the pie shop, but I think it would’ve been better if you said something like the smell of pie filled my nose as Granny’s Pie Shop came into view. But overall I really liked it.


]]> 2022-12-01 19:39:29 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2405674587 Aishwarya Sharma https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2405893726 A star in your narrative piece, “Trapped In My Own Feet” was how you grew the first moment in your piece and made it really  interesting. Another star I have for your piece is that you added flashbacks at the end of the story(and those moments happened in the beginning  of the story) for example, you added a flashback of when the girl first bought the shoes. A wish I have for your piece is that you should show and tell more. Some places you were just telling, so maybe use something from S.T.E.A.L, or add some figurative language. Overall, I think the story was really good and you did a great job. ]]> 2022-12-02 00:15:22 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2405893726 Sadie H. Malone 29smalone https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2490194646 ⭐️Rosie, I really liked the way you used show not tell. You didn’t use to much or too little. It turned out perfectly in my option. They way you wrote it makes it so easy to understand. ⭐️Rosie, I really liked how you were able to paint a picture in the readers head. I understood everything perfectly and was able to relate. I got the best picture in the anictate about the boy walking into stuff and falling asleep. This really helps your story persuade the reader. ⭐️ Rosie, I really liked how you kept repeating how it impacts kids' health. It really stuck to me because of how many times you repeated that. the repeating allows the reader to fully connect to the essay. ]]> 2023-02-21 19:34:25 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2490194646 Sadie H. MAlone 29smalone https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2525915559 Hi Rosie! Before I say anything, I just want to say that your piece was AMAZING!!!! It was perfect. I really liked your choice of words. You used lots of nig word that allow the reader to fully incorporate what they were reading and that is a excellent writing trait to have. You used word like petrified and monstrous and it really helped your story. Another thing you did really well on was you were able to write such a powerful piece in such a short amount of writing. You really were able to get the message and idea to me in a relatively small writing piece. It made your story easy to read and to incorporate. One final thing you did well was repeating the theme. You repeated it once or twice every paragraph without it feeling repetitive. It allowed me to remember what the theme was without getting bored of it.]]> 2023-03-21 18:40:50 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2525915559 Lyla G https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2623664277 I really like your background on your slides, they are very pretty and match the vibe of your slides. I also like all the different colored hydro flasks you included because it shows all the different ones that have been made and what type of different colors you can get. I just wish your beginning slide’s font color was easier to read. Other than that, fabulous job Rosie!]]> 2023-06-14 17:51:14 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2623664277 29aschimming https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2624560663 Your piece “Hydro Flask Fab” was amazing!  I loved your background on the first slide.  It was very creative and shows many of the different colors you can get your Hydro Flask in, showing how you can be creative and expressive with this water bottle.  I also liked the image of all the different sizes of the water bottles on slide 6.  It was interesting to see how small and big these water bottles really do get.  One thing I wish you added was more information on who made these water bottles popular.  Maybe you could have shown influencers or celebrities posting these water bottles online.  Overall, I love your piece.]]> 2023-06-15 13:20:11 UTC https://padlet.com/29rlourenco/7npr2cc4lxo6vv1j/wish/2624560663