Procrastination.

What is that? The act of unnecessarily delaying or postponing tasks, actions, or decisions, even when you know it will likely lead to negative consequences, stress, or poorer performance. So… masochists? Why else would anyone deliberately do (or in this case, not do) something only to await the inevitable outcome of pain and suffering? But it’s not that! Hopefully. Definitely. I’m not a masochist. Procrastinating is really a way to cope with negative emotions like anxiety, boredom or the unexplainable fear associated with a task. Imagine getting bonked on the head every time you click a big red button with a sign underneath that says: half your grade for this semester depends on you clicking this button once every hour. Every day, obediently, you punch the button as instructed, earning a bonk on the head every time but you can’t do anything about it for fear of it affecting your grades. Every day, you stomach the humiliation and anger simmering below the surface because what right does this button have to inflict pain upon you? One day, you stop. Not completely, you just postpone the click of the button until the last minute. You realize you’re the one holding the gun and decide that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to put a bullet through your own head. You start to question the system, is the enduring worth it? Surely missing a few hours can’t take that big of a chunk out of your GPA, in exchange, you’ve got freedom! And the sense of finally gaining back control. That’s not it, you’re the one holding the gun, remember? So it’ll not be corporate’s fault that your grades are low, it’s yours. Since when have we started pricing happiness? I wrote once in a letter to my parents, “grades have no rights to make me feel this terrible about myself”. It’s not only about ‘just shut up and start doing it’. ‘Why am I doing this?’ can easily spiral to discussions about the meaning of life. I personally resonate with Muichiro’s ‘I was born to be happy’. Just why is everybody normalizing living in such an unhappy way? I think this normalization is the reason we feel guilt for procrastinating. What’s wrong with wanting to be happy? Easy. Being happy means being inefficient and of course cooperates hate that. That’s why I think people should all give up and escape to the woods. Oh, but true happiness feels well-earned after hours of hard work—Shut up. Do you force yourself underwater until you feel on the brink of death just for that blissful, well-earned second of coming up for air? I know there’s nothing we can do about this. After all this big talk I’m going to go finish my Geography HW and hate every second of it.

Without this prompt, I would’ve died never knowing why I procrastinate, it all makes sense now=)) I’ve never truly thought into this topic, just this dumb irritation at the back of my mind every time I’m forced to resort to literally bind myself to my desk to get any work done. I don’t want to learn more about this topic: I don’t need anybody else’s insight to tell me that I’m wrong. I know I’m wrong (I’m not). I just want to say, or write it out loud, I guess;)