7 White Hook and Sizzling Start - compose a Sizzling start or hook by Joseph Borg https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj Compose a Sizzling start or hook in the following Padlet en-us 2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC 2023-02-23 22:56:17 UTC hello@padlet.com Example joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061394928 My heart jumped out of my chest as I saw the massive wave of people waiting in line. My legs turned to jelly as what felt like hours passed. Now it was my turn. Now I am so ready!

]]> 2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061394928 Mr Borg joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061394993 "Wait, I change my mind" Lachlan bellowed! His eyes glared at the instructor. Eyes locked, fist clenched. His destiny sealed with the instructors chuckle. ]]> 2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061394993 joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395011 I wonder if you can focus on the drama like what happens in slow motion. ]]> 2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395011 joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395012 I wonder if you can exclude unnecessary details? ]]> 2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395012 joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395013 I wonder if you can include metaphors, similies and descriptive language to strengthen your hook. ]]> 2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395013 joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395039
  • Wake up at 6:30
  • Brush teeth and eat breakfast
  • Pick up Sarah and Ryan 
  • Arrive at Raging Waters
  • Standing at the top of the halfpipe
  • Racing down the half pipe backwards
  • Falling off the half pipe. 

    • Identify the action in this sequence. In 10 minutes, generate an intriguing way to engage your audience. 

    ]]>     2022-02-22 21:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2061395039     Giorgio joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076797902 2022-03-03 23:21:42 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076797902 Marcus https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076798490 2022-03-03 23:22:26 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076798490 Anita https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076798519 2022-03-03 23:22:28 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076798519 Hook: Bob froze in fear goosebumps running along his spine, he hopped that this creature didn’t hear his perplex and petrified breathing under the old blanket. He did what he could to survive just stood still, not daring to move a muscle for the sake of his life and family. For now he forgot about everything. Just focusing on his life and this monster. https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076798707 giorgio]]> 2022-03-03 23:22:40 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076798707 Trisha https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076799724 2022-03-03 23:23:47 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076799724 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076799810 Yui gasped, then held her throat, something was making her thirsty and her throat was dry.
    "Chichinashi!"
    Ayato came in kneeling right next to her.
    "Hey what's wrong?"
    This was like she was losing air like nothing was there.Ayato came back in a second,gave Yui the bottle and she chugged the water down.

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:23:53 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076799810     Marcus's Hook https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076800288 Hook: 5! 4! 3! 2! Lachlan is regretting his life choices, he shuts his eyes thinking of everything he loves, 1! SWEESHHH! Lachlan keeps his eyes closed, thinking of all the worst things that could happen; SQUZZE after he goes through the smallest loop of the halfpipe.CRACK! Crack! A part of the pipe breaks. Lachlan has no idea what to do he just keeps his eyes closed, then suddenly he screamed for help AHHHHHHHHHH!


    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:24:25 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076800288     shahil shahilsathish https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076800359  lachlan dived into the deep sea of the abyss with his 3 friends while they were swimming. They say a creature with the tip of his eyes.
      while they were going deeper the creature came back. They were swimming away but it was too late.
     It took his friends one by one and he was left. When he was swimming up he saw his friend in the boat and then woke up from his dream.

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:24:31 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076800359     Grace joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076800513 2022-03-03 23:24:41 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076800513 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076801304 I was looking down the slide thinking…”should i really be doing this?” My friends shoved me on the slide and tried to hype me up as I cried hysterically.I tried to scream”STOOOOOPPPP”.But nothing would come out.]]> 2022-03-03 23:25:38 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076801304 Winona https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076801781 2022-03-03 23:26:09 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076801781 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076801853 Walking in she heard something,it sounded like laughter and she heard a familiar voice,a voice she hasn't heard in a year.
    Walking up to the second floor of the living room seeing Misako, she was crying.
    Then she recognized it,it was her friend who was murdered six months ago before she came to the mansion.

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:26:15 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076801853     https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802129 “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” I screamed and panting for breath as we slid down fast.

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:26:33 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802129     anton https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802286 He gasped, his throat couldn’t  hold any more air. He squeezed his hand and trusted his gut. He dashed down the gigantic slide with uncontrollable speed. AAAAARRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:26:44 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802286     Abigail https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802358 2022-03-03 23:26:48 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802358 Hook 1 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802477 2022-03-03 23:26:54 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802477 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802591 “ Wait, who is that following us?”

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:27:03 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802591     https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802837  As I ran out of breath yelling for help. I ran to the nearest police station.


    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:27:22 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076802837     Paarth https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803014 I woke up, half unconscious, and overheard the slight tremble in the nurse's voice and the rapid beeping sounds as well as a breathing mask that fogged up every time I took a breath.  what happened how did it happen was the only thing I could think of.Here came a flashback it was in a glimpse of me and my friends we were too overconfident about the jump. We heard the 3,2,1 drop!!! Then there was a slight chill on my body…..


    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:27:35 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803014     Hook 2 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803062 2022-03-03 23:27:39 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803062 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803355 I screamed in fear out loud, trying to catch my breath.

    I'm home alone, then I suddenly hear footsteps coming up to my room. Who could it be?......

     I squeal in fear as a baby spider crawls up my leg.

    I panic as I see my door open by itself, is it a ghost…..?


    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:28:01 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803355     Angel theresaobeng https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803761 2022-03-03 23:28:27 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803761 Hook: All in a blink of an eye , I woke up to reality. Taking a step to the platform to face my deepest fear, just optimising how i got to this stage and realising it all. :I was on the 32 foot platform for diving, i was petrified and wasn't prepared still question what happened and what should I do, suddenly I heard a shot A person fired a flare gun, suddenly all the noise came to my ear as people started diving in for the race, me still confused sat still while being pelted with voices. https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803896 giorgio]]> 2022-03-03 23:28:37 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076803896 Tomas https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076804430  I was 100m in the air, the water slide was scary. Should I walk away NO, then my friends will laugh at me.  I was so scared that I nearly threw up. I heard it 3, 2… Drop. Ahhhhhhhhh I dropped I felt like throwing up but done i felt relieved and I thought that I was gonna die.


    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:29:10 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076804430     Risha https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076805058 2022-03-03 23:29:51 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076805058 Georgia https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076806041 He is standing right there, right outside my room. My heart was pulsing at the wisp of his breath. 

    Was he on our side, or was he on the Hitlers side?

    They have probably taken my parents, and I'm guessing I'm next… 


    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:31:07 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076806041     “Ahhhhhhh” yelled Lachlan as he felt a hand his back.His arms flapping and feeling like jelly.Thud! Screaming and crying filled Lachlan’s ears. Yet Lily’s couldn’t be found https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076806291 2022-03-03 23:31:27 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076806291 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076806792 Hook: I Immediately felt my heart drop, there were people in my home.

    I quickly trapped myself in my room till I heard one of the burglars go on the other side of my door...

     I heard the burglar come on the other side of my door. I could hear their heavy breath against the door, their voice sounded so familiar I just couldn't place it...]]>     2022-03-03 23:32:02 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076806792     theresaobeng https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076807465 I could feel their breath on my neck. My heart beat faster and faster. I know I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried. I was trapped with no way out.]]> 2022-03-03 23:32:48 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076807465 Therese https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076807589
    As I stood there in the snow, gasping trying to catch my breath after walking down the mountain.  I could feel my eyes water as I slowly fell to the ground on my knees in despair. 
    I thought to myself “ If only I had gotten here earlier, if only I was fast enough...It's all my fault." But who would do such a thing? Why these innocent people?
    I've never felt so many emotions before. Anger, depression and denial. 



    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:32:57 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076807589     Reyes https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076808090 Denis peeked into the abyss not knowing what he signed himself up to. He jumped into his abyss the water rippled as he jumped not knowing what he was about to face.
    He slowly fell deeper and deeper until he hit the seabed. Others watched him fade into the underwater abyss. Denis panicked, he wanted to turn back but he couldn't. He wanted to show his dad that he was capable of doing dangerous things.
    He swam carefully around dead coral hoping to find anything that might make his dad happy. Suddenly he found an Anglerfish then a large glowing light shined on him, he turned around to see a Giant Anglerfish.




    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:33:26 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076808090     Jake jakepashley https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076808400 My heart was bursting out my chest, I didn’t really think this through.. I couldn’t give myself the courage to run down the devilish pipe. I took a ripped, deep breath in, and out. I then leapt down the pipe. I was tumbling around and couldn’t get a good grip of myself. My life flashed before my eyes..]]> 2022-03-03 23:33:42 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076808400 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076809526 I like the idea of your friend forcing you to go onto the slideeeee]]> 2022-03-03 23:34:43 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076809526 i like how u have a count down https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076809759 2022-03-03 23:34:57 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076809759 From Grace https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810048 Descriptive language]]> 2022-03-03 23:35:15 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810048 I like how you wrote " I tried to scream but nothing came out" https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810075 2022-03-03 23:35:17 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810075 Like! joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810426 I like that the way you have shown fear and confidence with "squeezed his hand and trusted his gut". ]]> 2022-03-03 23:35:40 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810426 Like trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810696 I prefer the second because of the suspense and the words you have used in this hook ]]> 2022-03-03 23:36:00 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810696 Grace https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810995 I liked the way that you used a similie]]> 2022-03-03 23:36:18 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076810995 i like how u have used other characters aside from the personat hand https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076811322 2022-03-03 23:36:43 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076811322 Grace https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076811646 I like the way you started with onomatopoeia]]> 2022-03-03 23:37:08 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076811646 Maya https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076811774 I got off the bus and screamed as loud as I could. I was terrified my legs were shaking.It was because I was walking home. Walking home ALONE!!! I couldn’t move. Some people say “oh walking home? I do it all the time.” but I was frightened that something was going to happen to me. Like getting kidnapped or tripping on the concrete and hurting myself.I Started walking then I was on the ground. This is what I expected. What I think happens in real life.

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:37:13 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076811774     Rishith https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076812318 Hook: Huff! Puff! Lachlan shut his eyes as perspire dripped off his head. He shivered, his fingers were ice, he took a deep breath as the fate of his life hung on the push of a button. Beep

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:37:53 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076812318     I like how you used a son's perspective how he has pressure to impress his dad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076812720 2022-03-03 23:38:25 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076812720 I like the phrases you use and how you added onomatopoeia https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076812754 2022-03-03 23:38:28 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076812754 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813044 I love that you includes that the person fell in despair. Great detail to the persons emotions.]]> 2022-03-03 23:38:47 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813044 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813106 I like how you used body language to help the reader infer how they are feeling]]> 2022-03-03 23:38:52 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813106 Alleyna https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813453  I tried sprinting away, but nothing worked. It was still following me…

    All I could do was hide behind a tree, but when I peeped my head out all I had to say was “go away, please!”.

    It stopped but then everything turned pitch black my eyes were in a blindfold and I was in a van? Before someone took me somewhere I could say anything I heard a voice I recognised “Hello? Anybody there?-”.]]>     2022-03-03 23:39:15 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813453     Like/Dislike trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813539 I like the emotion that you have used through  words.

    I dislike it because the emotion doesn't really take you in the hook]]>     2022-03-03 23:39:22 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813539     feedback https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813755 i like your writing but you could be more descriptive by adding similies and metaphors. To Reyes]]> 2022-03-03 23:39:38 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076813755 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076814411 I wonder if you could try not to use as much detail in a hook, since you don;'t want to bore the reader out]]> 2022-03-03 23:40:27 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076814411 like https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076815304 i like how you describe how the person had fear going down their spine ]]> 2022-03-03 23:41:17 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076815304 i wonder if you could include better language as well as spelling https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076815335 2022-03-03 23:41:19 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076815335 Damian joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076815740 2022-03-03 23:41:46 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076815740 Wonder trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076816915 I wonder if you can add more adjectives to create more emotion in the hook ]]> 2022-03-03 23:42:33 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076816915 MARCUS https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076817136 WHAT MY SPELLING IS ALL CORRECT?]]> 2022-03-03 23:42:38 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076817136 damian https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076818179 “How could you have done such a thing?!” Mitch's mother replied. “I got word from the principal, you are grounded for 3 months!”. He ran to his room, clutching on his pillow because his mother was yelling at him. Mitch didn't know why his mother was yelling at him. But then, he remembered everything.

    ]]>     2022-03-03 23:43:04 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076818179     https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076818859 I like the descriptive language. ]]> 2022-03-03 23:43:20 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076818859 Grace https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819369 I wonder if you can shorten it but still have the same information and impact it has]]> 2022-03-03 23:43:32 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819369 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819451 i like how you express how they're feeling ]]> 2022-03-03 23:43:33 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819451 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819628 I like the way you built suspense, but in the first sentence you used past tense but in the rest of the hook, you used the present tense.]]> 2022-03-03 23:43:37 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819628 I wonder if you could describe the burglars and not use the word burglar to much https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819719 2022-03-03 23:43:38 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076819719 Wonder trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076821227 I wonder if you can add more suspense in the hook using more words that describe emotion.]]> 2022-03-03 23:44:11 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076821227 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076821391 I wonder if you could add onomatopoeia and fix up "think" to "Thinks" since it doesn't make sense with 'think']]> 2022-03-03 23:44:15 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076821391 Wonder joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076822451 Paarth, I wonder if you can reduce the sentences in the beginning. While they are entertaining and build suspense, there are a few too many conjunctions that extend the sentence longer than it needs to be. ]]> 2022-03-03 23:44:39 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076822451 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076822742 Things*]]> 2022-03-03 23:44:45 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076822742 i like how u wrote that u kept running away but it didn't work https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076822748 2022-03-03 23:44:46 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076822748 Wonder trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076823844 Maybe add more suspense to engage the reader into your hook]]> 2022-03-03 23:45:12 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076823844 like https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076824296 i like how discribe how you talk about the expression ]]> 2022-03-03 23:45:23 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076824296 Grace https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076824736 I wonder if you could use a little more descriptive language.]]> 2022-03-03 23:45:33 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076824736 Maya https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076825019 I like how you are telling the reader how you felt and there was some part of a mystery so I liked that part]]> 2022-03-03 23:45:37 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076825019 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076825294 i like how used direct speech, however you forgot to add some fullstops]]> 2022-03-03 23:45:42 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076825294 jakepashley https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076826072 I like how you built up the suspense and how you made some words in bold to make the text stand out.]]> 2022-03-03 23:46:01 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076826072 I like the emotion and suspense words you use and metaphors, but you over used figurative language and made it not make sense ' I felt my breath on my spine" https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076826771 2022-03-03 23:46:16 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076826771 E.g. 4 sentences joseph_borg001 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076827296 I woke up, half unconscious, and overheard the slight tremble in the nurse's voice. The rapid beeping sounds as became unbearable!  what happened? how did this happen? ]]> 2022-03-03 23:46:28 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076827296 Wonder trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076828069 I wonder if you can reduce your sentences but have that same suspense in it]]> 2022-03-03 23:46:44 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076828069 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076828763 I like how you added a cliffhanger to the story at the end to make them read more into your story. 

    I also like how you describe why you are afraid to go alone and reasons.

    great job! 👏 ]]>     2022-03-03 23:46:59 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076828763     https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076829005 i love the words you used to show emotion but The first sentence dragged on a bit.]]> 2022-03-03 23:47:04 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076829005 I like the different rhetorical questions that hook the reader, but you could use more describing words to describe his breath or your emotions. https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076829439 2022-03-03 23:47:14 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076829439 Maya https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076831965 I liked how you told the reader how terrified you were staying alone in the house.]]> 2022-03-03 23:48:10 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076831965 Good descriptive words that hook the reader and make it interesting, overuse of commas and repetitive similar phrases https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076832698 2022-03-03 23:48:28 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076832698 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076833033 I like the way you used the count down, but you started off with past tense then the second sentence went to present tense]]> 2022-03-03 23:48:36 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076833033 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076833739 I like how you didn't give away who or what was following you which builds up suspense. ]]> 2022-03-03 23:48:51 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076833739 You used 3rd person then 1st person which made it confusing. maybe add more descriptive words, I like the plotline which hooks the reader https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076835599 2022-03-03 23:49:37 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076835599 Wonder trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076835695 I wonder if you can add a little more drama in it.]]> 2022-03-03 23:49:43 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076835695 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076835888 I wonder if you could add some onomatopoeia]]> 2022-03-03 23:49:56 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076835888 jakepashley https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076836851 I wonder if you can rephrase and add punctuations to your text to make it stand it out more.]]> 2022-03-03 23:50:50 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076836851 i wonder if you could add a bit more suspence https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837024 2022-03-03 23:51:02 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837024 https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837343 Sort of the same things as paarths, I feel like there is to many sentences for a hook. But is a very great start to a story!]]> 2022-03-03 23:51:23 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837343 Wonder trishalad https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837389 I wonder if you can add more drama or suspense in the hook]]> 2022-03-03 23:51:25 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837389 Grace https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837959 I wonder if you could maybe bring it like a little closer to the edge to make it like they person reading it is on that situation.Like instead of waking up from a dream maybe you could say that you woke up in a hospital bed or something that is going to shock the reader.]]> 2022-03-03 23:52:00 UTC https://padlet.com/joseph_borg001/7l5uhj4j6jomeuaj/wish/2076837959