I am a grandma. I've been trying hard to get used to the idea ever since my daughter gave birth last year, but fourteen months on, I'm still not quite sure how I feel. It doesn't help that my daughter has started referring to me as Granny Jean. Obviously, I'm happy for my daughter and think her son, Ollie, is gorgeous, but Granny? The name just doesn't seem right. I only recently turned 50. I still have a career, big nights out and holidays in unusual countries. 

I suspect that one of the reasons I'm not yet comfortable with my new status is that very little about my life matches the vague memories I have of my own grandparents. My dads parents both died before I was born and the only thing I can really remember about my other grandfather was that he often smoked a pipe. I used to love the smell of the fresh tobacco. I’d sometimes even open the tin when he wasn't there to smell it. After he died, Gran moved to a town by the seaside and we'd go and visit for a week each summer. I have fond memories of her because she'd completely spoil us, like we imagine grandmas are supposed to do. She'd take us to the circus, buy us sweets and cook us our favourite meals. She also looked like my idea of a typical granny: she was old, white-haired and wrinkly. 

I can't be alone in having these mixed and complex feelings. Contrary to the common stereotype, the average age for becoming a grandparent is still only 51 in the UK and 48 in the States. However, compared with our grandparents, we're fitter and will live longer, which means we can potentially play a more active role in helping with childcare. With more women working and with the costs of childcare rising, its estimated that almost 20% of grandparents now look after grandchildren for more than ten hours a week. 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, though, many say they'd prefer to do less. All of this poses a problem for women like me who fought for the freedom to get out of the home and have a career: we want our daughters to have the same freedom to work, but are reluctant to give up our own jobs in order to help them. We might provide financial support instead, but again that might mean making sacrifices, such as spending less on the leisure and travel we enjoy so much. 

On top of this, my notion that the role of grandparents is to be indulgent also seems to be problematic. true that many grandparents today are often reluctant to discipline their grandchildren because it breaks the unspoken rule that grandparents should never interfere with their children parenting. Yet at the same time, itg fairly obvious that a lack of discipline can produce spoilt children who rule the house. In China, they even have a name for this phenomenon — 'Little Emperors'.

Still, while there are complications, research also suggests there'll be benefits for me in the longer relationship I'll have with my grandson. A study in Contemporary Grandparenting found that such relationships are stronger and more two- way than we perhaps realise. We typically think it's grandparents that give most, whether that be money, love or wisdom. However, research suggests that grandchildren increasingly contribute to the relationship by helping their grandparents stay up-to-date with changes in the world and 'keeping them young'. Now that’s something I'd certainly feel good about.