Fitting In and Belonging by

It felt easy to talk with others.

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I was happy to be with the group members each time we gathered.

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I couldn't get a word in, others steamrolled the conversation

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I felt cared for, valued, and it was easy to share and relate with others

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I felt like I could be myself and not mask my personality/interests/etc

I felt comfortable and at ease with the people in the group

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I felt comfortable letting my big laugh out, cackle and all

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I wasn't afraid to be myself.

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I was challenged in my thinking, but with empathy and not malice. The environment allowed for healthy disagreement.

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People asked me questions and listened to my responses.

We had similar things to say in conversation.

2024-07-23 14:34:40 UTC

I didn't feel like I had enough expertise about the group activity to be truly involved.

2024-07-23 14:34:40 UTC

I shut down and did not add anything to the social environment.

2024-07-23 14:34:43 UTC

People asked questions and a back-and-forth conversation happened successfully

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People genuinely looked out for me and it was an even dynamic in the group

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Make an active effort to engage with them

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I felt like everyone cared about me and what I had to say.

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MPSR - Shared sense of "Get 'er Done"

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I felt valued and like my contributions were essential to the rest of the group.

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My second school district I worked in was one where I did not feel I fit in. When I was on daily lunch duty folks would rarely initiate conversation with me or include me.

Trying to spark conversation and ask them easy questions

2024-07-23 14:34:59 UTC

Excitement to meet with the group, a feeling of camaraderie anytime we are together, easy to talk to.

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I felt like I could be my true self.

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I knew because I "looked and sounded" like most people, and thought like most people in the group. We had many common interests and/or common situations.

2024-07-23 14:35:04 UTC

I felt like I didn’t have any common interests with the others, felt out of place

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I pretended to be something I wasn't in order to feel a sense of community, even though at the end of the day it was false

It was hard to converse, or others wouldn't let me.

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Gave them an encouraging smile.

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Speak to the entire group, not just that person, and remind them all that every voice matters.

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I felt like I was able to converse judgement free and be my authentic self.

2024-07-23 14:35:10 UTC

I felt like I belonged in my choir ensembles in college because it didn't matter how I felt when I walked into the class. Someone was there to celebrate my successes with me and pick me up if I felt down.

I was comfortable with the other group members & there were clear expectations/schedules

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I felt I didn't have anything meaningful to add to the conversation or group

Not being allowed to engage in conversation because of title, experience, or perceived notoriety.

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When I feel like I can be my uninhibited and honest self with those I’m around.

2024-07-23 14:35:17 UTC

I understood the culture of the group and could act like them.

We shared past experiences.

2024-07-23 14:35:18 UTC

I felt isolated and left out due to not being a part of the 'status quo'

2024-07-23 14:35:19 UTC

I felt seen, valued, and I didn't have to perform for others. I could be my authentic self.

2024-07-23 14:35:19 UTC

It felt like it would not matter if I was not there

2024-07-23 14:35:23 UTC

I felt intimidated and second-guessed myself constantly.

2024-07-23 14:35:27 UTC

I responded by trying to speak with that person, and include them in conversation and interactions.

2024-07-23 14:35:30 UTC

I felt validated because of the way others accepted me.

2024-07-23 14:35:31 UTC

We were all similar- shared similar values, hobbies, age, knew each other for a longer period of time

2024-07-23 14:35:37 UTC

I was proud to be a part of the group, everyone was friendly and interacted positively with one another, and I had a support system within the group.

2024-07-23 14:35:42 UTC

Having an overall sense of a lack of interest in things I had to say or even for me being there.

2024-07-23 14:35:45 UTC

Since COVID I've felt this a lot... I think I lost some social sparkle. I tend to isolate and feel awkward in the corner.

2024-07-23 14:35:45 UTC

I felt at ease. I felt like I could just be rather than thinking about being.

2024-07-23 14:35:47 UTC

I paused to show others what it looked like to be a part of the group and invited them to join.

Invite them into the conversation, if they feel comfortable. Some people are silent observers, and that's an okay role, too!

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I tried to make light conversation with them, help them feel comfortable

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I didn't feel like there was space for me, because I didn't think or act like others around me.

I fell to the sidelines. Did not contribute to the group. Felt judged.

2024-07-23 14:35:52 UTC

It was difficult to motivate myself to attend this club.

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Pull them into conversation and let them feel ackowledged

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I felt like my ideas did not matter.

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Express shared interests!

2024-07-23 14:35:54 UTC

I tried to ask them questions about themselves, so they felt personally invested in the conversation/group.

2024-07-23 14:35:58 UTC

I was held accountable, approached by others for questions and help. I felt like others appreciated that I was there.

2024-07-23 14:35:59 UTC

I would reach out and introduce myself so that they could have space to do the same.

2024-07-23 14:36:06 UTC

Directly ask that person a question to get them engaged in the group.

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I felt at ease and could communicate with others.

2024-07-23 14:36:19 UTC

I was anxious, never came out of my comfort zone of observing others, and struggled to engage in genuine conversations.

2024-07-23 14:36:20 UTC

Try to ask them meaningful questions to open up or change conversation subjects to something they know about

2024-07-23 14:36:20 UTC

I closed myself off and wasn't taken seriously when I gathered the courage to share a thought or opinion. I felt alone.

Intentionally spoke with them!

2024-07-23 14:36:21 UTC

ask a question/bring up a topic that that person can participate in, even if small

2024-07-23 14:36:22 UTC

I know I fit in because we could share similar experiences and commiserate or laugh about shared experiences.

2024-07-23 14:36:23 UTC

I felt tense and guarded. I felt like I couldn't just be.

2024-07-23 14:36:24 UTC

Get to know the person. Try to include them in conversation. Be friendly and kind.

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Engage with them with a positive tone of voice and an encouraging demeanor

We knew each other beyond a surface level and were able to connect on lots of things

2024-07-23 14:36:27 UTC

An unspoken feeling of "i'm with my people."

2024-07-23 14:36:30 UTC

Nobody truly listened to my advice/input and seemed I was just a body filling a spot.

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MN All-State. My lack of self esteem prevented me from getting the max positive experience.

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I tried to make them feel welcome by smiling, saying hello, looking for shared interests, and not overwhelming them. Sometimes seeing what they need is important for this too!

I knew that I wouldn't be judged for being myself.

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You need to know when to try to fit in, and when to move on to a different group. Not everyone will “get you” and that’s ok.

My usually extroverted self became very reserved.

2024-07-23 14:36:40 UTC

I faked it until I made it.

2024-07-23 14:36:40 UTC

Clear roles were perceived and everyone was allowed to share their voice if comfortable.

2024-07-23 14:36:43 UTC

I draw them into the conversation, or make a statement they can bounce off. Or listen for a tidbit about them - and relate it to someone in the group :)

2024-07-23 14:36:49 UTC

Try and build a relationship/connection with them. Find something in common. Find that spark. Be uplifting.

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I didn't feel like I could reach out with struggles I was having.

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When I knew I was with like-minded individuals but also knew that I didn't stand out.

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I left that job after one year.

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Shared laughter and camaraderie

I asked them encouraged questions and got to know them so they had a person to anchor them.

2024-07-23 14:37:05 UTC

In situations where I struggle to fit-in I find myself really watching what I say in order to not have others judge me. It makes me feel unable to be myself.

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We had similar backgrounds/experiences

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I was able to be me

2024-07-23 14:37:12 UTC

I was able to communicate freely with others

2024-07-23 14:37:16 UTC

Trying to help them find a connection in the group.

2024-07-23 14:37:18 UTC

Start small. Simple questions that are easy to answer, easy and friendly conversation.

2024-07-23 14:37:20 UTC

I looked and sounded like them. I could pretend.

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I felt different than everyone else

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I felt like few personal differences outweighed many common goals and values that were still shared.

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I understood the group's expectations. I shared similar values with other members of the group. I felt comfortable.

2024-07-23 14:37:31 UTC

When I was new to a group there was some tension about my addition to the group. It was uncomfortable as the others were old pals and had been together for many years. I was able to have meaningful conversations with folks and connect deeply with them.

2024-07-23 14:37:32 UTC

I wanted to help put that person at ease. To help them feel comfortable sharing themself with the group.

Felt awkward and standoffish...I was just there and taking up space

2024-07-23 14:37:33 UTC

I don’t have a lot in common with the other teachers in my building

2024-07-23 14:37:34 UTC

I started to second guess what my own thoughts.

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Conversation flows easily

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I felt like the group SAW me. They HEARD me, and I could feel celebrated and heard.

I felt that I was an outlier because of my interests, personality, and/or area of study. I shut down and was too shy to contribute to many group conversations.

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During staff introductions this past year, I noticed our new art teacher alone and I went out of my way to include her in conversation. I followed up with her throughout the year because I didn't want her to feel like I did my first year.

2024-07-23 14:37:43 UTC

My introverted self took over and mentally it was hard for me to engage with anything. Major imposter syndrome.

2024-07-23 14:37:44 UTC

We shared the same values

Make eye contact and engage them in conversation, or even a quick comment/anecdote to get them involved in a soft-spoken way.

2024-07-23 14:37:47 UTC

I felt like I couldn't speak with full honesty

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I felt misunderstood and uncomfortable.

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I felt lost and confused. I didn't know what the right things to say and do were.

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We had something in common.

2024-07-23 14:37:52 UTC

Made an effort to make them feel comfortable

2024-07-23 14:37:54 UTC

I felt somewhat like an imposter/like I didn't fully fit in or belong.

2024-07-23 14:37:58 UTC

I've invited others to join other groups that they may feel more comfortable. Sometimes it's about finding common language, ideologies, and hobbies while still feeling challenged in your beliefs.

2024-07-23 14:38:05 UTC

I tried to actively engage with them so they felt included

2024-07-23 14:38:09 UTC

Made an effort to get to know them, listen to them, and try to get others in the group to do the same.

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Watching my students at my very homogeneous school is a bummer at times. I know they will be just fine out in the "real world" but middle school is tough as many feel they need to contort themselves to belong.

2024-07-23 14:38:16 UTC

I muted certain parts of my personality so that I would be accepted.

I felt like I had to hold part of myself back. They didn't vibe with all of me - so I kept part of that tucked away.

2024-07-23 14:38:17 UTC

I would engage with them in conversation and asked questions that allowed them to speak more about themselves to build a connection.

2024-07-23 14:38:19 UTC

I found a point of common ground.

2024-07-23 14:38:20 UTC

I attempted to engage with them

2024-07-23 14:38:20 UTC

As a whole school, the other grade levels would not communicate with the Elective Team. For example, altered schedules, field trips that would take kids out of our classes.

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Find some common ground between 1 or more group members, focused on the commonalities rather than the differences

I didn't socialize. Kept to myself and my close circle.

2024-07-23 14:38:28 UTC

Make an effort to help them feel comfortable. Sit by them, get to know them. Include them in conversation. Listen to what they have to say.

2024-07-23 14:38:29 UTC

I have good radar for students that are struggling or are feeling lonely and unconnected. I typically go up to this person or student and draw them into a conversation.

2024-07-23 14:38:44 UTC

Our conversation did not end quickly, we continued speaking about similar ideas

2024-07-23 14:38:45 UTC

I reserved myself a lot. Didn’t talk as much, didn’t act as normal self, I kind of hid.

2024-07-23 14:38:48 UTC

Finding that common ground to spark and springboard that sense of comradery

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I felt a lack of genuine connection, and felt that I wasn't valued. I either disconnected or acted unlike myself in a negative way or had judgmental thoughts that didn't help me or others.

I was not fulfilled in my profession. I hated waking up in the morning for work.

2024-07-23 14:38:59 UTC

I could start to open up and was more extroverted, was not afraid to say anything or laugh

2024-07-23 14:39:01 UTC

Find something that we can relate on. Spark a conversation/relationship.

2024-07-23 14:39:07 UTC

I felt valued, supported, and had good relationships with everyone in the group.

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By offering validation when someone offers their own wisdom/knowledge.

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I tried to become a different person and I felt like I was lying to myself constantly. My mental health took a serious hit, but I did get the opportunity to learn to just be myself because that's the easiest way to live.

Didn’t know anyone

2024-07-23 14:39:37 UTC

Many teachers at my old school had friend groups and did not include new people

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I tried to make space for them, and/or see what was missing for them to feel belonging. I shared pronouns, I shared my identities and checked my biases.

I felt recharged after spending time with them

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Engage them

2024-07-23 14:39:55 UTC

I wanted to get to know them!

2024-07-23 14:40:03 UTC

I did not have to think about social issues. The shared purpose of goals came easily and in an organic manner.

2024-07-23 14:40:07 UTC

I was jumping around to multiple schools a day. I was frequently mistaken for a student, I was not included in group activities for the most part, and I wasn't in the yearbook. It felt like I didn't exist, and that I was not a part of any group.

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I witness this often at my school. I usually offer advice that helped me like it's easiest to be yourself. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.

Enjoyed myself, wasn’t dreading the social aspect

2024-07-23 14:40:23 UTC

Kept to myself

2024-07-23 14:40:44 UTC

Engage them

2024-07-23 14:40:55 UTC

I don't think I've ever had a time when I truly felt like I "fit-in" with others. I understand this concept, but that wasn't my reality, no matter what group I spent my time with.

2024-07-23 14:41:02 UTC

Looked forward to it

2024-07-23 14:41:11 UTC

As a building mentor, I always try to go out of my way to include other teachers in after school activities so they can get to know the community and other teachers better

2024-07-23 14:41:12 UTC

I felt like I knew the rules of the game.

2024-07-23 14:41:18 UTC

I was left out of a lot of things just because I was “new”. I didn’t have the experience that they had. It seemed that things HAD to be done exactly how they were done in the past, and no matter what I did or say it was useless. Even if they thought it was a decent idea, it never actually happened. It became really difficult for me to actually contribute and want to involve myself in things, even though it was MY JOB.

2024-07-23 14:41:33 UTC

If I wasn't able to resolve it, it became a very unhappy memory.

2024-07-23 14:41:34 UTC

My sense of self-worth suffered.

On the flip side, my school district has incredibly nice staff members that are always willing to include me and get to know me either at PD days, meetings, or just saying hi in the hallway and this personally really helped my own confidence

2024-07-23 14:42:09 UTC

I made an effort to interact with this person not only individually but in front of others too, so they could see and hear the story of this person! I also made it clear that there would be no bullying or "cliques", no matter how big or small, and kept that boundary strong to support the person who did not feel secure in the group just yet.

2024-07-23 14:42:28 UTC

At the time, I would try to minimize the things that made me different. Like my hair, the language I used, or dressed.

2024-07-23 14:43:01 UTC