and even with my teachers. I think, I had a good count of over 20 rounds from which I thought, even a slow dance is tiring. Actually, that was just my resolve to keep who my crush was, but hey! He was my 3rd dance!! Putting that aside, the reason why I chose this was because, the theme was black and white; Spot's color, and, I have no strings attached to the event itself but rather, to whom I interacted with. I am very aware it would not last, like, "Cinderelly~ Cinderelly~ ,"  which led me to learn how to seize opportunities. Ultimately, my last dance was Spot, my cat. This is my favorite highlight of that night. Aren't we very compatible?

I assume, I need to thank this writing activity for making me remember that even from a loss of a beloved, although it is mostly sadness, happiness can still find its way to enliven you. If my mind drags me down, I just need to get a hold of my smile to get back to my original track. And from thereon, I will be able to make every day, again, the "happy moments" of my life. I cannot regard "happiest" because if it is in superlative, there is no further progress. I am completely fine with happy so each tomorrow can be happier. 

It is a difficult, gradual process but I must practice what I preach. Smile is a curve that sets everything straight and love heals than it hurts. 

Living a fast paced life, there’s some trouble as to which what I remember as my happiest point in life. I’m always looking towards the future where I work to achieve that peak of happiness. As of right now there’s only one thing that comes to mind when asked when the last time I was the happiest was. February 19, 2018 at exactly 7:10 pm, the exact time I received a text that made me smile. A text that I’ve read and thought about tens of times by now and every time I do so it had the same effect that doubled overtime. 

I live a life where criticism, constructive or not, exist and play a big role in my life, specifically my dreams. Throughout the couple of years I’ve heard a lot of things both good and bad, but never really bothered much with the good as it tends to be said with a humorous tone or accompanied by a joke. Focused with what was mostly negative, without letting it affect me personally I strived to be better and I did, but somewhere in that process I forgot that warm feeling of a genuine compliment. As I received that message after getting into a long conversation with this person I care about, I felt relaxed, warm, and happy. There are only a handful of people whose thoughts I particularly care about most and to read that after months of training 10 hours a day, it meant a lot. 

“Meanwhile ikaw nakakainis ka and you make all this irritating sound and it angers me but then past all that is a passionate man and like you can’t help but support him” “It’s difficult not to support you I feel like everyone, di man directly, supports u morally man or etc” 

Hope you read this, thank you 

 

As any graduating high school student would experience, I did find difficulties in finding the best university where I should enroll for college, which in the latter, will hone my skills and mold me to be the best expert in my own chosen field. Because of some influences such as friends, television, and social media, I decided to take entrance exams in UAAP schools like UP, Ateneo, UE, and UST. Who wouldn't want to be called an Isko/Iska? Who wouldn't want the privileges of being called an Atenean? Who wouldn't want of becoming a red warrior? And who wouldn't want to cheer GO USTe in Araneta and/or in MoA Arena? Definitely, not me. 

  As two of the leading universities in the Philippines, I first took entrance exams both in UP and Ateneo respectively. But fast forward to the releasing of results? I failed, yes I did. It was devastating. I felt that I’m worthless, nothing to prove. But my mom would always tell me "Son, Maybe it's not for you". 

Those six words encouraged me to apply in UE, and luckily passed its exam and did qualified for their scholarship exam. Lastly, I took USTET. To tell you honestly, I don't even considered UST in my choices. I just took USTET for an experience of entering the school here in España. 

But again, fast forward to January 28, 2015, While me and my other classmates at that time are practicing for our upcoming speech choir competition, my mother called me just to tell me the good news I’ve been waiting for… I PASSED THE USTET! Unbelievable? Yes. Unexpected? Absolutely! From then, I was told to choose between UE and UST. I didn’t have second thought about deciding, and I chose UST! 

Yes, it was not my first choice, not even the second nor the third, but as time goes by, as I met new thomasians, joined different university- and college-wide organizations, ate foods from different food stalls among the four corners of España, Lacson, Noval, and Dapitan, and experienced new unforgettable things in this university, I can confidently say that UST is my BEST choice. 

To end this one, I would like to leave you one quote: "Unexpected things are not just the best things, but also the most unforgettable ones." 

There are many memories and thoughts that come rushing into our minds when we are asked about the most memorable and happiest moment of our lives. Often, the times spent with families and friends, the time we came close to or met a celebrity we may or may not be a fan of,  the time we got something we’ve always wanted, the time our crush confessed to us that they like us too, the time we got to spend with cute animals, and many more. For me, though, it isn’t the event that made it memorable or happy, but rather the person that made it the happiest moment of my life. 

It was my best friend, of course. Let’s just call her Bec. Have you ever had a friend you could be yourself around? Of course. Someone who won’t judge you for the weirdo you are. Someone who shares almost all the same interests as you. Someone who will always be there. Yes, it’s everybody’s best friend. And I consider all the moments I’ve spent with her, the happiest.  All those moments, I wouldn’t regret a single thing, everything I said, everything I did with and for her, you know, it’s just those moments that wouldn’t trigger my anxiety. Moments that I wouldn’t overthink because maybe I said or did something wrong. She accepts me for who I am and that’s enough to make every moment happy. I could say every moment starting from when we became best friends in 1^st Grade elementary. We would pretend we were catching pokemon and go on adventures, or pretend we were characters from highschool musical. Bec would share with me her love for musicals, and I would share with her my interest in anime and drawing. In highschool, we didn’t get to interact much because she moved to another school, but we would still go on fun little dates, or chat and text.  I wouldn’t think we were growing apart because we promised to each other that we wouldn’t end up like that even if we were apart and have made other friends of our own. Moments with her are made extra special because now I could only see and hang out with her every 2 years. 

Bec is living in Thailand now, and she rarely goes home here in the Philippines because of school. We still talk on social media, though now we have our own personal interests but it’s still a blast whenever she comes home here. We have so many things to catch up on each other, and so many things we can do for the duration of her stay here. So all the moments I’ve spent with her, I consider the happiest.  

Existing in this World is not easy. Every day you go through times where you just question yourself, “Why am I still living?” Sometimes you’ll feel like there’s nothing new in your life, and you just get tired of this unending cycle thinking, “Ganito na lang ba?” 

In the year 2016, I was in an emotional phase in my life. There was nothing new, I felt bored doing the same thing every single day; waking up, going to school, going home, eating, and sleeping. Every night, I come to think, “Is this life still worth living?” I would not like to share this, but at times I come to the thought of just ending my life; after all nothing just makes sense. 

A year passed, and then came the fifth month of the year 2017. I took a risk in volunteering for an outreach organization (risk because I do not know anyone in that group, I AM COMING OUT OF COMFORT ZONEEE!!).  All I ever thought was I wanted to meet the kids, reach out to them, and I’d be happy. And boy, I was right. 

My summer break consisted of spending my Saturdays with the street children. Waking up was not too heavy for me anymore, mornings became lighter, days became brighter, each day became better! My life had its purpose once again. Every time we conduct an activity with them, I felt happy. These kids showed me that I should be thankful in life. That despite the shortcomings there may be, we must continue living. They’ve proved to me that despite the struggles we may face, there is still something to be thankful for in every day.                                                                                             

Happiness is fleeting. You cannot take in to account a time when you were absolutely happy and contented for a long time. 
One’s mind would wander to an event or a period of time where they felt good or experienced positive emotions. But happiness is much more than positive emotions. Happiness is binary. It’s either you’re happy or you’re not. Happiness is a smoke that is addicting yet one can never hope to grasp it and take it into their own hands.  But that doesn’t mean that you can’t take pleasure from the little bouts of happiness that you experience. It is these fleeting moments of happiness that makes life worth it.

Trying to conjure the moment where I felt the happiest is a strenuous experience. When I think of moments where I felt joy, I bring forth patches of memories rather than a solid concrete moment of full unadulterated happiness. I feel happy when I see my puppies and hear their paws padding softly towards me as I call out their names. When I’m with my friends and we talk about the weirdest things and hurt our stomachs from laughing too much. When I get home and there’s my favorite dish on the table. When I get tickets to see my favorite bands.When the things that I work hard for paid off and I get credit for what I’ve done. When someone shows me that they appreciate what I’ve done and who I am as a person. When I see someone’s eyes light up when I do something kind for them or when they talk about the things that they’re passionate about. 

These are some of the moments I can think of where I felt that tinge of happiness. This prompts me to ask myself the question, “Was I ever really happy at all?”. Whenever I ask myself this question, I always get skeptic because I knew that deep down that happiness is not something that we achieve wherein everything falls into place. It is a choice.  There will always be that something that might hinder you from full blown satisfaction but that doesn't mean that you won’t be able to experience what you would deem the happiest moment of your life. That made me rethink my answer to the earlier question. As of now,  I may only have fleeting moments of happiness as I haven’t experienced a moment  where I felt the happiest and  that’s okay. 

My life revolves around music. I love listening to different kinds of songs, memorizing their lyrics, singing them, and even trying to play them in the piano. To be honest, I did not expect that I would get involved in the music group of our church at a young age because who would believe that an awkward and shy kid would be given such a big responsibility in handling the songs to be played in our church. The gift of music is probably the most beautiful and happiest blessing I have received in my life.  

Aside from playing the piano, I also sing in our choir. At some point of my life, I felt discouraged because the way I play the piano is different from the way others play it. There is a tendency for me to envy them on how the way they play it which is so smooth and gentle, literally “music to my ears”. I was 11 years old when I started studying musical notes and playing the piano. Lately, I felt disappointed with myself and I always ask myself “Is it really going to stop here?” I know that I am capable of so much more than what I already know, because learning is a never ending process. I know my parents are also disappointed in me because they tell me that others did not even get to study, they just play by ear, while me, on the other hand studied 3 times already. Now, there is a new pianist who took my place but of course I still serve as a guide to her and I still play the piano in our church. Recently, I was just elected as the new music director of our church, of course there is pressure, but I’ll just use the pressure I feel to do my job better and inspire people through music because at the end of the day we are only serving one God. 

Sometimes the ones who bring us happiness are also the ones who are going to give us the sadness, the pain, and the disappointments in life. It’s probably ironic, but that’s the essence of life. We just have to accept change because nothing in this life is really constant. 

 

Truthfully, I’m having a hard time recalling a “happy moment” or “moments” that I have had in the past, partly because my memory really sucks when it comes to reminiscing anything joyous and sublime and also because whenever those sudden waves of mirth wash through me on a number of unexpected circumstance, I tend to focus on the feelings of mirth themselves and not on the people, experience, or thing causing it. Because I know that in one way or another, Newton was right; in every action, there would be an equal and opposite reaction – those that previously caused you feelings glee and excitement would surely cause you hurt, grief, gloom and melancholy somehow. The happiness that such things or people brought into your life will be taken by those very things, those very people either way. Be it because that thing broke or went missing or the person continued his or her life without you or maybe even worse, such person succumbed to the inevitable reality of death. 

What you can remember though, was how you felt, and that you felt it, in one way or another, somewhere somehow. It was there, and for those moments, it was yours. You owned that mirth; for a day, an hour, a minute, even in a fraction of a second it was yours. Then it wasn’t anymore. But the consolation of the fleeting of such pleasurable feeling is just that - you felt it, and it was yours to feel. 

Then you find yourself living the rest of your life in pursuit such feeling, such emotion. You find yourself in a somehow tedious and tiring Pursuit of Happiness. 

Many of my friends tell me that my natural disposition is sadness, which was foreign to me because I knew myself as unnecessarily optimistic all the time. But then when I watched this episode of Doctor Who that contained the quote above, I realized that indeed, I am someone who radiates melancholy, and that it is precisely the reason why I know how to become happy. I have always been painfully and keenly aware of the end of everything. Whenever I am joyous, when I see my family laugh at the dinner table, when rain pours while I’m having tea in my room, whenever people I admire become champions at what they do, I can imagine the moments that can ruin all of that, how it can be the last time, how it can be gone as quickly as it came, how that beautiful moment that was once mine can never return to me anymore. And then I remember that happiness is possible because of the sadness that supports it. Through the ridiculous acceptance that one day I will know no more of that singular, succinct lightness which my consciousness delights on, I feel it more vibrantly. This isn’t groundbreaking. Most people know that because we get sad, being happy is worth it. But to me, this has been my life. I don’t really just become happy without overthinking everything first. There’s choosing it carefully then finally, basking in it. I always feel like I have to work hard to indulge. But here is my testimony: every time I consciously choose happiness is my most precious memory. I am a poet, after all (well, I tell myself), and I cannot ignore the “smalls” and “bigs” of “happinesses” I’ve encountered. When spring begins, when traffic isn’t bad, when I don’t have migraines to when people praise my writing, when prayers get fulfilled, and when my loved ones live their life well, this elemental force of joy reckons with me that I cannot help but laugh and embrace them all. Whenever I write, my perspective always seems zoomed out, like the universe depended on it, but I understand that happiness is simple, like crouching by the water on an easy day, not having one worry in mind, because after that, life resumes, the wind will not blow like it had, and days will pass, with joy or without. But then those moments, those are important to me, and I don’t care the least bit if anyone doesn’t understand. I will collect as I wish, and then someday, I will surrender it again. Just like the river basin, my happiness flows inside of me only for a short while, and because it is not mine in the first place, its stay is kind to my soul. I enjoy it best because I know I would have to let it go.  

            I can say that I’ve had countless happy memories already and I can’t just pinpoint exactly which one was the happiest of them all. But if there is a memory that I can say was truly happy and memorable, it has to be the day when we celebrated New Year’s Eve in our new home. It was such a wonderful and perfect day for celebrating and it made me feel really complete. 2017 was such a tough year for me and my family. My grandmother died earlier that year and since then my mother has been having a difficult time because of her siblings and other problems that arose since then. I also had personal problems to deal with and it was so difficult for me to move forward. But after a few months, my family and I decided that we should move on. We should let go of past and the problems that hindered us from being complete and united. We decided to move on and move out. 

            During September 2017, we started searching for a new place to call home and it wasn’t until December of that year that we finally found it. We sold our old house and bought a new one in Cainta, Rizal. Although it was far from school and work, we decided that it was best if we detached ourselves from Metro Manila where most of our problems were. We agreed that we would spend Christmas and New Year in our new home and finally start anew. I was extremely excited to move in to our new home not only because I get my own room and we get to shop for new things, but also because we can finally be complete and free and not feel like suffocating from all the problems and stress that we experienced before. 

            I’m not saying that we won’t have problems in our new home, because problems will always arise one way or another. It’s just a matter of how well you will respond to it and I believe that with this new beginning that my family and I have, we will be able to go through anything and pass any trial because I know that now we are united and now we are happy.

In my 19 years of existence, my life has been filled with good and bad moments that dwindled with the flow of time and destiny. The happy soul that people see in me will always overflow and even be contagious with these people who are around me. As cliché as it sounds, a happy moment will never be a happy moment  if you haven’t experienced any challenges or dilemma for once in your life. In my case, it’s just like any other happy moment that followed right after a bad one, mine would always be a case of bitter-sweet moments that occurred three years ago. 2015 has been the best year so far, along with a lot of twisties and twirlies that happened—heartbreaks, graduating high school, travelling to another country, leaving for college, coming home for Christmas, and reuniting with my family and friends. In general, 2015 became one for the books because of the new experiences I’ve encountered. But here’s how everything became a single memory that allowed me to realize how fortunate and blessed I am. 

During my 4-month break last 2015, I tried to do something to encapsulate my boredom and free time. I just graduated high school and broke up with my first boyfriend that time, so I wanted to treat myself with something that I’ve been deprived from in a long time: my very own pet dog. My parents tried to talk me out of it, but the thought of wanting a pet dog never left my mind. I was not allowed to have furry pets inside the house because of my asthma, but one day, my dad came home with a small cage on the back seat of the car. When I opened the garage door for him, I saw a small figure with sparkling eyes that met mine. I squinted a little bit to focus on what that figure was, until I realized that it was actually a dog. A freakin’ dog. I literally screamed in excitement and immediately opened the car door and carried the cage inside the house. Once I got ahold of Oreo, it felt like I held every bit of happiness in my own hands. I did everything with Oreo during those days, we went out every morning to take a quick walk, gave him baths, fed him, and even slept with him. And eventually, one dog became a total number of 26 dogs when another blessing was given to us, another dog named Kitkat. Our house until now is literally infested with dogs and I couldn’t be more happier (not to mention I still have asthma until now hehe) to see them run around the house (well except for the part wherein you have to clean their poop and pee). 

Though the simplest types of joy will depend on how we view things, there’s always a summation of thoughts that would make us realize that happiness exists in everything. My dogs are my happiness, my family is my happiness, my friends are my happiness, that furry little goofball I saw in my dad’s car three years ago is my happiness. Everything falls into multiple aspects of happiness, well, at least for me. 

What does it mean to be truly happy? Whether it means getting what we’ve always wanted, or being with the people we love, I really don’t know at all. It seems to me that real, genuine happiness is such a force to reckon with. When I was younger, at the age of seven, being happy simply means finally having a complete family – after years of us being separated from my father from that time I was born. I was not close to my father since I barely knew him at all.   Back then, we could only exchange I love yous and how’s school - as simple as that. But those little moments became a huge part of me. Sometimes, I would ask my mother how they met, and how they got married, and she would only reply, “malalaman mo rin.”  When my mother told me that we were going out of the country, I thought that would include my whole family, my cousins, my friends etc. So I got lonely when she told me that it’s just going to be us. 

Fastforward to our lovely reunion when we went abroad, I could still remember my father wearing a blue shirt, black jeans, and a black cap, riding in a white pickup truck, smiling at us as he embraced my mother and helped her with our baggage. They were about to say something but of course being naturally curious and bida- bida that I was, I interrupted them cheerfully and asked, “Pa, nasan na yung camel dito? Akala ko camel yung sundo!”  My father then quickly looked at my mother and asked, “anyare dito sa batang to?”  

Though I could tell you that it was indeed a happy moment, I never expected that during the years to come, I would soon endure the pain of being away from my parents, from my mother who has been with me all my life, and my father , whom I just met a few years back… We would be separated once again. I felt alone, and at the same time, I reminded myself I needed to be happy for them. I had to fight back the tears that was continuously streaming down my cheeks. I realized then that being happy is hard, especially when your reasons for being happy are taken away from you, and you cannot do anything about it. Endure, and be happy anyway, that’s what I did. And I’m… I’m halfway there. Everytime they return, even for just a few days, I would be happy, and if not, I would still be happy because doing so taught me a lot of things. Being lonely and happy at the same time is the mark of us wanting to move forward even when it gets rough. 

The happiest moments of my life were marred beautifully by bittersweet reunions and tearful goodbyes, or if we look at it, just a till-we-see -each -other –again kind of thing. Happiness is never an accident; it’s not a matter of circumstance, but a matter of choice.  

Another boring day to spend, I am done plotting concepts for my upcoming stories and wrote a new update for my on-going novel. I opened my dummy account to entertain some questions from my readers. Too many questions as I scrolled in my post. Some can be answered with common sense and shallow but there is a question that made me stop scrolling, a cliché yet meaningful one. “What makes you happy?” someone asked me so I look at one of my babies sitting beside our center table and smile as everything flashes back. 

February 20, 2014 was a tiring day. It was a hot afternoon when I got home from our summer class and badminton training. I told my papa to prepare a late lunch for me since the only thing I did as I entered our home was to crawl to my bed. He asked me randomly if I am serious about what I said last night that I want to have a sister or a brother, and I told him that I am just kidding and laughed. He did not response after that. Instead, he asked a favor if I could clean the shoes that he will use tomorrow in his work. I went to the shoe racks and looked for his shoes but then I saw something unfamiliar. At first, it looked like a rug but I as I looked at it closer— it’s a puppy! 

Ychrista Charlott with her nickname Chichay is one of the happiest moments of my life. She is a family member same as Snow, our cat. We treat them like a person. Scold them if they did something wrong, let them sleep at our sofa and bed, feed them whenever they are hungry, and take good care of them. Chichay and Snow make our family happier and better. Yes, we are five in our family! So I can say that being at our home is a happy moment of my life. So it perfectly explains why there is no place like home. 

My name is France Rinoa Borromeo and I’m so forgetful I had to browse through my social media accounts just see what I could vaguely remember as a “happiest moment”. I post a lot on social media, and they’re mostly things I’m excited about like cute boys and girls, music, stage plays; after a while I’m going to abscond until something exciting in my life happens again. I get happy and enthusiastic over really shallow things so I’m not sure what I’d put on the pedestal of “happiest moment”. They all go on my social media, which became a cesspool of teenage excitement. 

In my twitter account, I stumbled upon my post about the time my friends and I watched MEDIARTRIX’s adaptation of “Legally Blonde”. Dana and I (look at me namedropping. We also brought Abby and Micah, and my little sister) love this musical so much we couldn’t—shouldn’t—let the opportunity to see it live slip from our hands. The show was supposed to start, I think, at 7:00 pm, and unfortunately our class also ends at seven; we had to sprint all the way to the fourth (or was it third? The line was insanely long) floor of the Albertus Magnus building. Our original plan was to ditch English class. It was the theatre’s gala night, we were lucky to get walk-in tickets, and even luckier that the auditorium was generous enough to let us have a place at the very top—right near the technical team and the spotlights, which we tried our best to avoid blocking. 

This essay is going to be super long if I would lay out all the details so I want to go about the highlights. First of all it was Micah and Abby’s first time seeing the musical, and as a fan of the work, it was exciting to see their reactions—they were all positive anyway, and that made me really happy. Secondly, I got to sing along (softly, because we were in a theatre) with the musical, and it was amazing because the actors were really good well, actors, and singers. And lastly, I remember how my little sister and I ran to the Dapitan gate because they were already closing the school—the show ended at 10PM! And for the first time I arrived late at home, and I’m proud of it because I did it for art, and not because I was out being a disappointment. 

I don’t know if I laid my experience enough to be seen as something worth your time, because you see, I’m not good with words, and they’re not very kind to me either. Happiest moments are so relative and I really don’t know what to base it on—is it supposed to be a life-changing happiest moment? A tear-jerking happiest moment? Or something interest-induced and shallow like this one? (In another note, please watch Legally Blonde it’s really good.) 

Is it just me? But I’ve already told myself too many times the phrase “this is the happiest day of my life”. It’s probably because each moment feels like one. One moment topping the other feels like I could not pin point the happiest and best moment of my life. To find out which one is on top my list, I do need to consider the moments that felt truest and closest to my heart. 

3 years ago, it was still the usual family set-up that I’m used to. My parents separated years ago and I haven’t met my mom until I was 16 years old. I finally gathered enough courage to look for her and meet her. It was that time where I am so curious of how, what and why it happened. I was curious of what she looked like and how is she as a person. I had no clue at all and I started to build all the questions in my mind hoping to get the answers soon. When the time came, I could not even say a word. She was beautiful; her eyes were filled with tears and genuineness, her smile was brimming with joy and all of that felt familiar. It was that longing for a mother that made all the resentment and anger go away, I felt happy. I still see her every now and then, however I feel like it lacks the feeling of completeness. Why? Because in the back of my mind, I know that it will never be the same, nothing will go back to how it used to… 

The moments you choose to count are the ones that will always have a space in your heart. There are bad ones, but good ones as well. Some moments feel like an open ended scene, where we all sincerely hope for a good ending; we would just have to seize every moment. 

When I look at the mirror, it is true that I can see her in me. And now, I don’t feel shy about that, instead I feel happy that somehow, she is in me and she is a part of me :)

There are a lot of moments in my life that are unforgettable, but of course the most significant or highlight of any person’s life are the happiest moments. Like any other person, I have my own moments in which I do not want to forget because it gives that feel-good vibes that makes me want to revisit those times. 

There was this time when me and my friends went to Laguna to stay there for 4 days. We played games, swam at a pool near the Pagsanjan River, and ate lots of food but that was a few weeks before my bestfriend left and migrated to California. And now whenever I chat my bestfriend so early in the morning, we would often remember those days, those times that we spent and only hope to do it once more. Another moment in my life in which I would never forget was before I had my eye surgery, my whole family was there with their consoling faces saying “It’s fine, don’t be afraid”. My three supportive sisters cheered me as I pulled the guts to face the reality that I had to undergo such procedures. There was also this time when our dog was finally found after being lost for more than a month. We all hugged Sesame so much that day. 

These are some of the best moments in my life that I would sometimes try to reminisce and revisit but alas, these are just memories fleeting moments. 

I always consider every happy day as the happiest moment in my life. Whenever the people asks “What is the happiest moment in your life?”,  stereotypically, people answer events something about their family, life experiences with friend etc. But, what is weird about me, I can’t answer them. There are a lot of happy moments in my life so I can’t think of an answer. It was always the happiest whenever I feel happy. 

I have thought about that question a hundred times but it was very hard for me and I came up with a weird answer. I think the answer that most suits the question is that when I was born. A new born baby doesn’t know about happiness but I think at this age, I do know what happiness was 19 years ago. That time I was born, I think if I do have the mind to know stuff, I think I really feel happy. It was the real happiness that I was born and get to experience things whether it’s good or bad, see the world, meet people and live. It was the most precious stuff that I do have, my life, and living this life is the happiest moment that I have.

They say that the happiest moments in life occur when you hit a certain age after living for so long. The so-called golden time where all you have to do is to harvest the fruits of your labor and lay down on the bed of success. But sometimes, these things happen early, and they’re not always going to be stories of success. At times, it could just be as simple as being with a family whose companionship you rarely experience. 

When I was in Japan for vacation that was the only time I could feel that I’m a part of a whole family. I have a mom and dad I could see once I open my eyes in the morning. Mama would nag and force me to wake up early, and she would always ask me to clean or fold the clothes; sometimes even to take care of her garden even though its winter. Papa would just sit there, watching and laughing, as he sips Miso soup and eat fish using chopsticks in the morning. 

In the midst of happiness, rose-colored vision tends to make a drunken feeling. There’s disregard for the future things to come. I was blinded by my stay in my parent’s home that the fact that I would eventually have to go back to the Philippines to study always manage to slap me by surprise even though it’s so obvious. I was too happy I forgot about other things. 

Nevertheless, those sweet golden times in Japan with my parents have become my guiding vision towards the future. The emptiness of not having your parents around have become my motivation to study hard and graduate on time, so I could be with them as soon as possible. Small doses of golden happiness are enough to get you addicted in staying alive. 

They say happiness can be found anywhere. You would just have to look for it and accept it because it is also a choice. If you would ask me on my happiest moment in my 19 years of existence, I would probably need more than five minutes to think as I consider this as a hard question to answer.

I try to make my everyday life the happiest moment of my life because I really do not want to waste a day but I guess one period in my life that made me the happiest was my 18^th birthday spent with my family at Hong Kong. I consider my family as one of the greatest blessings that God gave me because of their everlasting love and care for me. During the trip they would always ask if I was happy due to the fact that this vacation was one of my requests for the celebration of my 18^th. Indeed, I felt really loved and blessed at the time. The main reason on why I asked for this trip to be my 18^th birthday gift is because I would want my family to be together again since my father is an overseas Filipino worker together with my mom. We only get to spend time together as a family during the Christmas season and the New Year and then back to reality once again leaving me, my brother and sister here in the Philippines. I could not blame them for leaving us since they are only doing it to provide with what we need and want. During the trip, my family and I went to Hong Kong Disneyland since they know that I am huge fan of Disney characters ever since I was a little child. Certainly, visiting Disneyland made me feel like a carefree kid again because of those colorful figures. I also got to hug Disney characters and have their staff smile at me making me feel like they are glad that I was there.  But most importantly, the huge smile on my parents’ faces welcoming me every time I would finish a ride just makes me emotional every time I would reminisce this moment. It is the little things like waiting for me, asking me if I was hungry etc. that they do that makes me emotionally happy. If I was given the chance to be stuck in a moment in my life, I would no doubt; choose this trip because it is through this moment that I realized that family is forever no matter how long we were apart. 

 It is through my family that I am able to experience being blessed and loved and I basically owe everything to them. I guess you could say that the next time someone would ask me on what my happiest moment was, I would be able to tell this story because it is only now that I realized that the trip was just a bonus happy points for me because the real happiness that I experienced was the effort and support of my family just to give what I want. It is only after the trip that made me realize every single thing that they had done just to keep me happy – kind of like an aftershock effect. I still have a long way to go and a lot of adventures to experience which I am open to try anything that my heart desires. Again, happiness can be found even in the littlest of things – we should just learn to observe. 

In Genesis, God created human beings and put them in the Garden of Eden. Everything you could ask for is in the garden – food, water, shelter, companions, etc.  It was a perfect place that knew no harm and enjoyed God’s companionship. God had only one, simple request: Do not eat the fruit from that tree. And what do you know? Man ate the fruit! Man lost paradise. Though we are showered with blessings each day, we always ask for more. We are never fully happy, never fully satisfied. Since the dawn of time, existential loneliness has plagued us. It is the feeling that we have everything yet lack everything. It is the emptiness in our hearts that nothing can seemingly feel. 

A day is made up of tiny bits of happy moments. We fail to see them through the messy jungle in our heads. We don’t realize that the food we eat, the water we drink, the lessons we learn, the people we spend our day with, the conversations we have, and our lives itself are these bits of happy moments. While I’m thankful for all these bits of moments, they can’t count when compared to one – that is when I partake in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. 

For some people, the Mass is a boring ritual from a bygone era. You can’t sing loud music, jump for joy or wear, what you like. To me, it is everything.  In the Mass, the Lord contains Himself in a tiny, humble host just to be with me, to be with us. That is how much He loves us. Just thinking of it makes all that I am reach heights it can never reach.  It is the mystery of mysteries I couldn’t explain and I wouldn’t ever understand. It is amazing. 

No matter how small I am, I feel I can be great. Before the Lord, I remember all the people close to my heart and lift up all their intentions. Though they may not know it, when they pray, it is not just them who is asking. I am with them even if I may not be right beside them at that moment. I can offer anyone nothing because I own nothing. The only thing I could call my own are my sins. But when I’m in the Mass before the Lord, in His full Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, I can give them the littlest yet the greatest thing I can give – my prayers. 

What enters our mouths do not defile us. But in the Mass, what enters our mouths sanctifies us. I can’t ever feel alone nor helpless because I know that the Lord is right in front of me and is within me. Here, I could be my truest, weakest self without fear of being judged or ridiculed. Here, I am with the Lord that loves me. The emptiness in my heart is filled with unfathomable joy and praise. Even if life grips me in endless turmoil, I am assured that there is a God I can hold on to. This is why, as much as possible, I go to Mass every single day. I want to bring this God in the Eucharist to every person I meet. I want to be an extension of the Love that fills us till we want no more. 

The Mass is a foretaste of Heaven. For just an hour, we could reclaim paradise. 

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am a very pessimistic person. I always expect the worst out of everything, and for a while now, all my holidays (Christmases and New Years) have been… bad. I don’t really know when or why this started, but it’s really annoying and sad to the point that I actually pitied myself for always feeling miserable and alone during, what was supposed to be, “the most wonderful time of the year.” This New Year was no different. I woke up on the morning of December 31 feeling like… crap, for lack of better term (it was either this or the other thing). I could hear our neighbors’ “wonderful” voices already singing karaoke at 9 in the morning as well as the smell of various dishes being prepared. When I saw my family doing the usual traditions, I remember considering for a moment that maybe this New Year won’t be as bad as I think it will be. However, being the ever so positive person that I was, I dismissed the thought out of my head and spent the whole day just writing and watching anime. When the last 1 minute of the year 2017 rolled around, I could hear the approaching climax of the fireworks outside. I saw my family rush out and it left me feeling confused because we never go outside during the New Year; the dust and smoke from the fireworks always affected my mother’s and my brother’s allergies. When I followed them, I saw most of our neighbors and fellow barangay dwellers were out with their families… even the little children and babies. There weren’t any signs of the cursed Judas’ Belt fireworks that they used to light every year. Everywhere I looked, I could see fireworks explode in the sky and little children holding up sprinklers. People were laughing and smiling, blowing on horns and banging pots and pans. My family (mainly my mom) was taking tons of pictures. For the first time in a long while, I actually felt the holiday spirit again. For the first time in a long while, I joined in on the laughing and cheering and all the greetings. 

For the first time in a long while, I was happy. 

It was absolutely the worst day for me, but little did I know that it's going to be  the happiest day of life. I was confined to the bed, completely dependent on the doctors, machine, and the kindness of the people around me. I couldn’t breathe properly. I was injected with too many medications that made my head ache to the point that I couldn’t utter any word. I felt the burning sensation inside of me. I didn’t know what else I could do besides crying. I was so resentful. I hated my life and kept asking Him, “Why me?” I almost gave up thinking “Fine, I deserve it. Let me die already.” And as I look at my parents, it makes it more difficult for me. But then again, God still chose to let me live. My initial reaction was, I didn’t ask for it. I kept telling everyone that I don’t want to prolong my agony anymore. 

            Okay. It makes me feel blue whenever I think about it. I’ll stop there. When I got out of the hospital, I was still thinking about my horrifying experience. “Why am I still alive?” “What am I supposed to do next?” I was down. My mindset was God is just letting me live few days or months to spend some time with my family. Yes. I was absolutely pessimistic about the situation. (I hope you understand.). My classmates, friends, and cousins tried visiting me at home but I stayed in my room – accepting no visitors or whatsoever. My parents tried to comfort me and I was too close-minded to listen to them. Then there comes this one specific day. I woke up in the bed feeling so happy and energetic even though I could still feel the ache inside me. I asked myself. “What the hell am I doing?”, “Why do I keep myself locked up in this room?” It hit me. My mindset completely changed. I started talking to a guidance counselor. I sent a message to my friends and invited them to come over. I started watching my kdrama marathon. I felt like “I’M BACK.” I watched some videos of people in Youtube on how they coped with hypertension. Lastly, I went to the Church and totally cried myself out in front of the altar. 

            It was completely a different start for me. I’ve realized a lot of things from that experience. I became so appreciative of everything. I became more sensitive to what others feel. I spent the next days going to charities. I felt ultimately happy and blessed that I couldn’t ask for more. Then, I knew the answers to all my questions. God allows us to experience problems to direct, inspect, correct, and perfect us. God tested my faith. I failed him at first; but in the end, I got to see a clearer vision of him and his plans. I never felt this way before.

“To trust the process means to know and have faith that there is a divine plan moving through you and your life in any moment.” 

P.S I still suffer from hypertension, but I’m seriously getting better now. Thanks to Him.   

     Maybe my happiest moment would be the moment I realized these things. Being selfless and understanding to the concept of happiness; the moment that I realized that happiness can be all sorts of things. It doesn’t have to be the most expensive one from the menu, rather the choice that you decided to eat. That’s enough and more practical. You can’t always be extra to fill yourself up then be consumed afterwards. Happiness is limitless. 

     So if you’re going to ask me what is my happiest moment? I would say “Today” because I can never afford to live a day without eating something and if I ever find myself starving, I hope you would give me a small bite from your enormous slice of pizza. 

Let’s start with a quick recap of who I am. It’s no secret but I do not disclose it with everyone. My name is Laiza. I am 20 years old. I lived all my life with my grandmother who loved and raised me. I am not close with my mom—we treat each other like cousins. I have 4 step siblings and 3 others died. And I don’t know who my dad is. I do not know his name or what he even looks like. I prefer it that way. Some may see me as a happy person but most may see me as an intimidating, straight-forward person. Rude even. You see, I see myself as a mechanical object subject to orders and limitations. And I despise that. I go to school, I go to the library for duty, I experience traffic, I go home, I stay up late trying to study, then I try to sleep. It’s a never ending cycle. At night, I always have trouble sleeping, so while I wait for the sandman to cast me into sleep, I let my mind drift. I question most of the time if this is the life I want, if I am still happy. Then as if it was my last moment on earth, as cliché as it sounds, my life starts to flash before me. And I try to stop it. Because it’s like pandora’s box, once I opened it, it would definitely pour out and I would end up with a tear while closing it. It’s the happy moments I keep within me, as if they are some dark secrets or more like a weapon one can use against me. It’s the moments spend with my grandmother—late at night talking just about anything, or when we drink coffee at 3 pm, or when she tells me to behave before going to school. Or those moments with my sibling where they travel all the way from Pangasinan since I only get to see them twice a year. Or those moments spent with my brother Igi where I was in second or third grade and I was the one who took care of him before he died. Or when my brother Kyle asks me what time will I arrive from school knowing when I come home he won’t be there anymore. It just feels so good to know someone is waiting for you to come home. Or the last time I talked to my grandad where he said I was his baby before eventually dying. Or all the moments spent with my friends or when the clock finally strikes at 8 pm at it’s time to go home. Or all the BTS videos I watch online, the food that I ate, the feeling of finally submitting all the requirements, listening to good music, dancing. All these are my happiness. Small yet genuine. They keep me going. They keep me soft in this world where it forces me to be hard. In this world where I do not have a grasp of my own time, where I was exposed how hard life is in reality, where society does not give two shits about what I feel, these are the things I treasure the most. 

For me, it will always be a happy moment, but not necessarily the happiest. What actually stays with us are the feelings we felt and not the actual events. So, why label it as the happiest when happiness is happening now. It might sound too ideal, but we all strive for the ideal. So don’t be afraid to open that box of memories, enjoy it, feel it, and do not just keep it behind closed doors. 

“If you were given a chance to turn back time on what moment of your life would it be? “ 

Sounds familiar? Most pageants or Question and answer shows tend to meddle about time and the moments of life that people would want to go back and fix or go back and relive it. Time is an element that we cannot control. The moment seconds slip away of your hands there is no turning back; only ‘what ifs’ remain. What if I didn’t do it? What if I did it? What if I went there? What if I did not? What if I asked? Would it still be the same? The questions would only arise one after another. But life doesn’t only give you the questions it also gives you the answers; happy moments exist to give you the purpose of life and the answers to your what ifs. 

We all have those moments where we are filled with joy and not just happiness. For me it was not only one day in particular but one recurring moment. It was 2:00 a.m. and my family went to the airport and waited in line in front of the arrival gate; waiting for the plane to land and waiting for my father to arrive. Strolling his luggage across the hall, walking towards us. The wait is over, for about 11 months of not being with him the ‘what ifs’ are gone. What if he did not call one day is he still okay? What if something bad happened to him along the way, what will we do? A warm embrace wiped out all the questions and greeted us with the answer; “he is still okay and he is here now don’t worry my child.”  Dates may vary and the estimated time of arrival may change but the feeling of seeing your family again for the longest time will not. The smiles on their faces, the warm embrace and the sweet kisses will still be the ambiance you will be willing to wait for.  And they lived happily ever after but not the end because life continues as it is. He returns abroad, works away for several months and press repeat. It may not be once in a life time since it has been going on for 13 years now but the feeling of that moment will still be the same; the excitement, joy, and relief of seeing your family together again. 

The ‘what ifs’ are gone for now but life still goes on. You just have to be brave and courageous in facing them even if one of your family members is away. It is difficult but bearable with the help of God to assure you all the answers to your questions. And that He is there for you and your family knitting you together even so. A little bit of faith and courage to face life gives you once in a lifetime experiences. 

I was always picked to be the class representative to play chess for the intramurals. As the doubtful person I am who is just a mere pawn, I questioned my capabilities every time and carried this fear in me that I would end up disappointing my classmates if I were to lose the game. Six classes were competing against each other in our year level and the outcome of my game will definitely affect our standing as a class. How could a mere pawn like me win against the horses, the towers, the bishops and the queens of other sections? In January 2014, I played chess for the third time. As usual, I went to our school’s basement where people who would play chess were situated. Rules were given, pairs were assigned and my hands were sweatier than usual. The first two days were composed heavy breathing, tight hair grips and victorious sighs as I battled it out with the other five representatives across our batch. I once again managed to claim a spot for the finals but I knew the battle wasn’t over. I was determined to win and prove that I could do something by myself. So there I was, on the last battle scene, playing as I moved the chess pieces to where I wanted them to be. It was nerve-wracking, frustrating and fun. Different events happened - pawns were sacrificed, horses were taken, towers were destroyed. However, it wasn’t until I captured the queen when the plot twist happened. I managed to win the game as I enclosed the King into a checkmate with a few pieces - including a pawn. 

The moment I won, I realized that I shouldn’t look down on myself as a pawn. I was capable of doing a lot of things and those things included stuff that I could do on my own. I shouldn’t compare myself to others and bring myself down. There will always be other people who are going to be better than me and that’s okay. I’m happy enough knowing that I can win... as I am and in my own way. Ever since gaining this realization, it has become one of the memories that never fail to curl my lips up into a smile. 

I was not really close to my father before, but during those 2 years, I was able to spend most of my time with him. Before, I did not notice his simple acts as our father in our house. I thought that driving us to school was his duty as her father, but I neglected the fact that it is his way to show his love to us. He was always the cook in our house because my mother is not good in cooking; I thought that he being our cook is fate of no choice, but I failed to recognize the effort he poured while cooking our food. He was a strict father to us before, but during those years, he allowed us to what makes me happy. I did not know that the Christmas 2009 was our last Christmas as a complete family. We were surprised that he allowed us to have our family picture to be taken; we did realize that would be our last picture together as a complete family. 

There is no absolute happiness here on earth because all things have their own due dates. What I want to share is that spend your time with your family, friends, and relatives, make them happy and as well, it will make you happy. We will not know when will our last day here in on earth, thus, it better to spend your days on what makes you happy and fulfilled. 

Sometimes you don’t realize a moment is one of your happy moments until you look back onto it and smile at the memory. One of my moments was when I was in high school and I was on the verge of breaking down because of too much pressure about making decisions for my future and studying hard so I could get into one of the most prestigious universities in the country. I remember vividly, I was in a car ride and my dad talked to me and said, “Don’t take life too seriously”. For some people it could mean nothing but for me it lifted a whole lot of weight off my shoulders. I realized that sometimes people get sad or they break down because they take life too seriously. At some point in life we just need a breather and realized that this is just life. It’s just life. We’re all the same, we’ll all end up in the same cycle no matter what so just live life the way you want to because at the end of the day when you take your last breaths you wouldn’t want to have any “what ifs” or any regrets. I realized that, Even if you fail, there will always be another opportunity to pick yourself back up. Also, I realized that it’s important to not be too hard on yourself when something doesn’t go the way you expected. Everything happens for a reason and that reason could be it’s just not the right one for you and there will be something better coming your way.  

Whenever I look back at that car ride moment, it makes me feel relaxed and gives me a peace of mind. That’s why I guess I have a happy and positive outlook on life. After that day, the pressure turned to motivation and it lead me into studying in my dream university. Upon writing this essay I thought I didn’t have a happiest moment and I still don’t. I may not have a happiest moment but all of my happy moments are equal and I’m okay with that. I used to go to high school feeling sad and questioning why I’m even here but now I go to school with excitement of what today will bring to me. At the end, things did work out for me and I’m happy at the way things are now. There’s still so much life can offer and I’m ready to collect my happy and even sad moments. Now it’s time to sit back, relax and enjoy the journey that we call life. 

Hi! How do you like your eggs this morning? Scrambled? Soft-boiled? Hard-boiled? Sunny side up? Sweet? Salty? Or raw? Hey no judgement, it’s your preference. In this little section of padlet, let’s equate happiness with food because as they say food is essentially one of the greatest thing that happened in life, no? 

Happiness is this little meal that you already ate and loved. It’s made up of several ingredients, cooked with variety of tools, and most importantly, you enjoyed every bite of it. Maybe it tastes like cotton candy. Or maybe your morning coffee? Oh, maybe it’s the taste of your mother’s home cooking. It doesn’t have to be made with specific ingredient. Maybe your happiest moment is sprinkled with sadness, stirred with excitement, baked with pressure but the end line… you were happy right? 

I, personally, don’t have a happiest moment in life. It’s just hard to pick. I was happy during my first concert, when I realized I passed in UST, or maybe the first time I brought my mom a gift, or maybe it was the time when me and my girlfriend was still together. Everything is happy, I can’t bear to choose the happiest between them, all of them laced with hardships, sprinkled with doubt, baked with anticipation- I can’t bear to analyze any precious memory and label it as the happiest. I think… I think the most important thing is that I’m happy. I’m happy with the sweetness, saltiness, bitterness- the grandeur of tastes in this moments and I cannot bear to let anything go. 

These… happy meals will be remembered when I am down. When I am desperate to find that little taste of happiness after a long day. For me, these moments become happy with several ingredients, it’s not just pure joy. The taste of sweetness of hugs after a long bitter day of failure will always be remembered. This concludes my Happy Meal discussion. 

I am generally a happy person, but I become happiest when I am with my mother. 

It is not rare for my mother and I to share solemn conversations. But there was this one night where we shared an intimate moment that rose above the rest. 

Our talk started how it usually does. It started at nighttime where everyone is still away. It started with her sitting comfortably on the couch. And It started with me saying “I am so happy in school! I love going to school, I love talking to my friends, I love learning new things everyday...”. 

But then I turned the whole conversation around and started talking about my future plans, “You know mom, if Kevin gets accepted in Saudi, and if Owen continues his plans to go abroad, none of us(my siblings and I) might be left here next year”. To which she replied, “Oh? And where would YOU be next year?” 

“Away. Far… far…far… away. Maybe in Europe, I don’t know.” She stared at me for a while. And opened her lips to ask, “What makes you so sure?” I didn’t think twice before I answered, “Because I’m doing it for you. I know I’ll succeed because I have always, and will continue to treat you as the center of my life. My goal. My inspiration. My everything. The three of us don’t say much, but we DO love you. We show it with our actions. My every plan in life revolves around you. And I would like to believe that the same is true for them. You’re the only one we have left. We only have each other, and we will stay together as long as we can. Even if we won’t be physically together for a few years... ” I had a hard time continuing because I felt like I am choking up from too much emotions erupting within me. 

I knew she would feel touched with what I’ve said but I never expected her to cry. She cried so much that night because that was the first time I made her felt truly loved. 

And that became my happiest moment because I felt like it was the first time ever, where I was able to share my true feelings, be able to voice them out in the most vulnerable, passionate and truthful way. 

And I am even experiencing so much happiness right now because I am given the chance to concretize that moment in my life.   

After that night, things felt better at home. It felt like each day was brighter and I am now living with a new sense of hope. 

Telling someone how much you love them makes all the difference in the world. The happiest moment for me is not a day filled with tours, sights, and sceneries; but a sincere moment with my mother in our living room with both of us sitting comfortably, with dirty hair and even dirtier feet worn out from the day’s travels. My mother is my happiness. 

If there’s one vivid, most memorable and most exhilarating moment in my entire life, it would be the night when I went to a concert last October 13, 2017. But things didn’t come easy, I had to go through series of painful and depressing experiences before I was able to achieve that unexplainable happiness. 

As an avid fangirl, I spent the first half of my 2017 starving and depriving myself just to save up money for a one-night concert. My mother would always call me “loka-loka” because of this insanity but who else did I inherit this craziness but from my mother who once did not enroll in one semester in college just to see Sharon Cuneta in person? Well, at least I didn’t do the same. But little did my whole family know that I wanted to see my favorite Korean boy group live hoping that I’ll still find a tiny bit of motivation to live and for this depression to at least lessen. But they won’t understand anyway, because they don’t even know I’m diagnosed with depression. 8 months after this rigorous saving, I was able to keep money enough to buy a VIP seat. I was so thrilled and couldn’t sleep because of excitement just for my money to be gone, in an instant. I was scammed. Who would have thought that my sleepless nights because of too much excitement would turn to nights of endless crying? 

But, maybe what’s meant to be will be. Miraculously, I met someone who was kind enough to let me pay for the ticket little by little until I could be able to pay it in full. Some people aren’t so bad after all? The night before the concert, they announced who won the hi-touch raffle and the opportunity to touch their hands for a brief moment. As a pessimist, I didn’t bother to expect winning simply because I’m a pessimist. But guess what, this pessimist won the raffle. My initial reaction was very solemn, very composed, and very serious. Neither did I scream nor jump for joy nor cry out of happiness but I stared at the ceiling and thought, “Maybe this is an enough reason to continue living.” 

The concert started with my favorite song of theirs. The videos I’ve taken were composed of them performing, people cheering, and me screaming while crying. No matter how upbeat their songs were, I still found myself sobbing over the fact that I made it to their concert after a lot of obstacles. On top of that, my bias even noticed me. After the concert proper was the hi-touch event. I didn’t know what was bound to happen but when I re-entered the venue, I didn’t expect it would be that close to the point that I could even take them to my home. My mind went blank while touching their hands but the experience was so clear, so vivid. Until now, it still feels like a dream. Finally, I was able to meet the people who gave me more reasons to live. 

This may seem shallow for everyone else and my sentence coherence may be bad but this is not just the happiest moment of my life, this is BEYOND the happiest moment of my life and maybe that’s because I’m “loka-loka”. 

The happiest day of my life started when my father woke me up at 1 am in the morning. He patted my arm and when I didn’t respond, he dragged my ass to the bathroom, ordering me, “magbihis ka na! aalis na tayo?” 

I really hate these kinds of wake-up calls. For one, it’s rude and annoying and I just generally hate mornings. It’s the time when I can’t really think straight and the world is the worst place to live in. A pathetic groan escaped my lips, begging for a few more minutes. My father just replied a sarcastic scoff. 

But the world still looked like a dizzying spell. Black blotches dance behind my eye lids triggering wave after wave of wild nausea. I found my face burying itself in the sink. A dry heave came up and my mouth tastes like spoiled milk. And then my stomach started to churn as if it’s making gastric juice butter. 

‘All I wanted is a soft surface to rest my head and a fluffy comforter (please wrap me up to a pathetic human burrito.)’ And this thought only invited spritz of melatonin. 

I shook my head as another moan escaped my lips, “why the f-“I bit my tongue, “bakit ang aga naman taaay! Wala pa atang isang oras tulog ko eh!” 

“Ano ka ba Kei! Di tayo hihintayin ng eroplano!” 

“W-what?!” 

It took a while and I can’t remember much. But I remember a dramatic flashback and almost made me puke. And for some reason I thought about being drunk even though I’ve never been drunk. But then I remember being told again and again in the past few days being told that I can be drunk. 

“Eighteen.” I said out loud with no emotion. 

But then and there every hair on my arms rose up, the a midnight breeze flew in the bathroom (I’m pretty sure that’s just my imagination), slapping me back to reality. ‘Oh… that’s right. I just turned eighteen.’ And that I, finally, am going to the place I always wanted to go-Japan. 

To be honest, I barely remember anything about some happy moments in my life. But if there’s one moment in my life that I could say “I’m very much happy”, it’s everything about my favorite band, Paramore. As someone who feels like everything is not right and always sad, their music is the only thing that kept on saving me from the loneliness I feel. They inspire people like me; they make their fans feel like they’re always there through lyrics of their songs. I don’t know I just love them so much, I’d cry. 

It was just a normal day in November, lunch time, I was out with my friends when I saw the news that Paramore is coming back to Manila for their After Laughter tour. I knew form the very start that they would be coming back in the Philippines but the thought of seeing them never crossed in my mind because I’m broke. So as much as I really wanted to go, I couldn’t. But because I’ve been waiting years for them to come back, I tried talking to my Papa about it. He always knew that I’m really into this band and that it would really make me glad to see them. And to my surprise, he said that I would see them.  I cried. Tears just fell into my eyes for being so overwhelmed. I was really happy. The fact that my Papa supports this fangirl side of mine, I was just super happy that I could FINALLY see and hear them perform live. A week after, the day of the ticket selling, with the help of my friend, I finally had the ticket that would make a chapter in my life the best one. No words could actually explain how happy I am that day, it felt like all the sadness faded for some time and all I could ever feel was absolute excitement. 

Y’all I’m just talking about how happy I am for having the chance to have a concert ticket, what more on the concert day? I’d honestly cry like a baby. I just can’t wait to see them live. That day would definitely be the best and happiest day of my life. Fast forward to Aug 23^rd please. 

Let’s put it this way, this happiest moment of my life made me feel like I’m back to being my younger self again. Also, I have never thought about how beautiful the word, “Ate” is.

 For my mom’s 60th birthday, we decided to have a trip abroad because she wanted to and we figured that It will be a great time to travel as a whole family for the first time. My older sister and I were a bit hesitant at first that this trip would end up a good one since my eldest sister has a little control of her temper and she always manage to pull on my last nerves. Miraculously, the exact opposite happened! Of course, there are still a few bumps but it was not as bad like before when we get physical with each other and actually have an intense fight. She finally came through an acted as like the eldest child she was. And that was when I felt I was back to my younger self. 

The four walls of the hotel room in that foreign place took me back to something familiar and close to my heart; our house and its warmth  at the time when we were young and everything is so loud and filled with laughter. When my sisters would trick me into doing something ridiculous and I would gladly do so and when I would whine and call them “Ate” endearingly just to annoy them and run away. We spoke our provincial dialect and poke fun of our mother and ourselves, especially my eldest sister’s OOTD (Outfit of the Day) which she would proudly strut down the street with and put fashion over comfort. The trip was filled of sudden realizations about how old we got now but still lacks ‘luba’, a term in our dialect which means ‘Maturity’, but we would laugh it off. 

From time to time, I would glance at my mom to see how she is reacting to how my sisters and I laugh and say jokes to each other; all I got, I’d like to believe, is a smile of contentment and satisfaction and I am more than alright with that. 

Would I wish to repeat a family trip? Yes. No matter how tiring and how far our feet could take us as long as we are complete. 

 

 

I can’t really pinpoint just one moment in my life that I can consider as my happiest, because it all happened within a year. My grandmother was diagnosed with lymphoma, a type of cancer, around October 2010. It was a gloomy time for our family; this was the first time we had to face something as big as this – something as big as cancer. We took our time to take it all in and decided as a family what to make of this trying time. We all had one goal in mind: to make 2011 the best year ever. Judging from the fact that I am writing about this now, I think it’s safe to say that we succeeded. 

2011 was the best year for all of us. Every weekend, was specifically made for spending time with the family, every moment we can, we get out of the house and bond, and every holiday, we were out of town. Summer came and we went to resorts and beaches like there’s no tomorrow. We spent every day with increasing love and appreciation for each other, at the same time knowing that each moment, our matriarch decreases in health. Every second we spent together, at the back of our minds we all knew, this might be the last – this might be the end. True enough, I lost, who was probably my biggest inspiration in life, to cancer the following year.

My grandmother was a hardworking, resilient, strong woman. She never showed her pain and anxiety and always tried to give us her best smile despite her agony. Being a widow and having to raise three daughters at an early time of her life, she knew what sacrifice meant. Even in the last moments of her life, she never made us feel that she was in discomfort. She is my hero. She is the happiest moment of my life. 

The dawn of the year 2016 up to the early 2017 marked the worst times of my life. The lethal combination of dealing with several mental breakdowns brought by academic pressure and battling with possible death made every single day a painful experience for me. August of 2016 was when I was mistakenly reported to have a rare heart disease. October, my birth month, of the same year was when my mother was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. Everything escalated quickly – one storm after the other left our household in complete devastation. I felt the weight not only of the world but the entire universe upon my shoulders. 

For years I have been known to be that bubbly, optimistic, animated girl oozing with exuberance. During these times, however, I could hardly find a reason to even smile. I was at the lowest of low. What should have been the brightest days turned into dismissal emptiness. I could not help but to question God’s existence in my life. Aside from the insistent anxiety, grief and pain, the thought of losing a mother all the more added fuel to the fire. How was I able to survive all these? That was also my question. Slowly, when me and my family started to rise from the deepest pits that we were, I perceived the reason how and why we were able to withstand all these. 

It is at the darkest moments of your life that you get to realize what happiness really is. The experience surely brought the worst in me but it was also during these times that I attained long-lasting, selfless happiness. I could think of a lot when asked of the happy times of my life - but all of them are fleeting. What is then my realest happiest moment, you ask? It was when my mother’s doctor declared her being cancer-free. 

My life is not perfect. I have encountered a lot of problems, breakdowns, and tough times like you but this special moment of mine served as my inspiration to go on and continue to strive harder. The happiest moment in my life would probably be the time when I celebrated my 18th year of existence in this world. Last November 13, in the year of 2016, my sister and I had simple party with my family and friends. To be honest, it’s my dream to have this kind of party and I’m so glad that my parents supported me all the way. My mom kept on saying that this is “para mairaos lang” kind of party but it’s more than that. I promise. 

The program started smoothly and I didn’t expect it at all. When I entered the place, I felt so shy because they were all looking at me like I did something illegal. I have no choice so I continued. When I reached the center of the stage, I got the chance to see all of the people inside the venue, face-to-face. Honestly, I wanted to cry because almost all of the people that I invited were present. The feeling was really priceless. I had the chance to dance with the most important people in my life especially my lolo. I had the chance to hear all the heartwarming messages from my friends and relatives. Indeed, it was my day. 

It still feels surreal whenever I remember this special day especially the time when I had the precious chance to dance with my lolo who is currently guiding me up there. I am beyond blessed. I admit it that life is not perfect but I’m surrounded with wonderful people who love me and support me all the way. 

It is hard to pick just a moment in life and name it the happiest one. When I remember all the times I felt fully alive I seem to recall many instances with my family and friends and I can’t simply put one over the other and call it the happiest I’ve ever been. For the sake of this exercise however I’ll be writing about what immediately came to mind as the topic was introduce, my vacation last 2016 in Angono, Rizal. 

Every summer, my Dad would bring me and my sister to his company outing. The places we went to were either a hit or miss where I’d enjoy myself fully because the venue was beautiful and I could take pictures all day or I’d simply sulk in the corner with my sister because the pool was filled with adults. Last 2016 was the best one so far. It took two nights and three day, the third day was the most tiring but memorable of all. This was because we went mountain climbing without any special gear on. It was actually just trekking a long rocky and muddy path towards a hidden river and going back with wet everything because it was raining. Some may find the experience unpleasant but to me I enjoyed all of it. Even when the mud was getting in my shoes, even when I was tripping and scaring every part of my foot, even with the danger of falling off the side of the mountain because the paths became narrow and slippery, even when we went back with back with wet clothes and wet towels and wet bags I wouldn’t have it any other way. Me and my sister was still singing to the theme song of Lord of the Rings or Pirates of the Caribbean and making fantastical references along the way. Recalling it now the whole day looked sad because the clouds were gray but the emotions I remembered were as if the weather was perfect. 

This isn’t the happiest I’ve ever been; I could recall so much more events that made me feel great and I think the sum of those experiences would be the epitome of happiness. What made it more special however was because I couldn’t come to last year’s outing. It was in Ilocos and was probably more eventful but because we had classes I wasn’t able to go with them. Even though I haven’t been far, I know I’d be happy just being in a new place and experiencing new things. 

 

How do you know for certain that that moment is the happiest you’ve been in your life? Is it because your life has been filled with sorrow, until that very moment? Or, is it because the accumulation of every happy event you can recall couldn’t compare to the happiness you’ve felt on that day? I simply can’t decide on one, so I’ll give you some. 

I find happiness in an ending, a time I cannot go back to. Like, the last time I went to Baguio City for Christmas with my whole family, before it was replaced with a meal carefully wrapped with a bow of silence. Having an end means that it’s special. It presents a limit, a chance that you shouldn’t take for granted. 

I find happiness in beginnings, a time I haven’t experienced. Like, the first time I went out of town with my friends, or the first time I went to the U.S.A. to visit my grandparents I haven’t seen in years. The beginning is when you feel excited for the unknown. It is a precious moment that can never be replaced. 

I find happiness in the middle, a time left unnoticed. Like, the time I celebrated my 20^th birthday. It is a beautiful time when every little thing counts. This is when you have conversations until 9 P.M., or when your sibling waits for you to arrive, so he can give the gift he’s been hiding for weeks until your birthday. These are the moments when your mother cooks your favorite meal - little fractions of time that are often unnoticed. 

Happiness is in every aspect of life that battles the misery experienced. It is made by you and the people you spend time with. It is a product of our actions. There is still a new chapter of your life, ready to be filled. So, how could you possibly choose one? 

Indeed, it is. And, I can say that the happiest moment of my life is that knowing I’m still breathing. Sunrise, mornings, they symbolizes hope – it reminds me that good things are about to happen. Then, I realized that waking up each and every morning gives me the opportunity to live my life to its fullest, to enjoy and have fun. Despite all the suffocation, each day reminded me that I can start again even though yesterday didn’t work well… Being able to live leads me to collecting the happiest moments that I will forever treasure. I can’t choose which moment is the happiest because all of it is as precious as gold.

From all the experiences I had in the past, for once, I thought of giving up, surrendering… Back then, I didn’t know how to pick the broken pieces of my life. I dwell on that sadness; I focused only to what I feel inside, not considering or noticing the simple things around me. Then, I needed a break, a chance to look around so I went to Nuvali, Laguna, I saw how beautiful the sky is, how birds were able to fly, I saw kids smiling when they're begging for food in order to fill their stomachs, then I questioned myself how come those famished kids were able to smile despite the difficulty, and it came to my mind that breathing gives us the chance to smile, to be happy, to collect smileys in our memory boxes.

Being able breathe gives us the chance to be happy. And I believe that learning to appreciate the little things in life will give us great happiness and fulfillment. In the end, it is us who will decide and define what happiness is truly about.