After 27 years, my spouse knows me well and knows that words of encouragement have more significant meaning than material things. As retirees, we spend plenty of quality time together. Neither of us are touchy, feely people, and material things have little value, whether given for sentiment or not. We both appreciate acts of service, and we fill that need without thought. Our primary love languages are different, but our relationship is healthy.

If a parent understands a child’s love language, it helps with connection. For instance, when a child with an affirmation love language hears things such as “Great job” or “I’m super proud of you,” it can help with self-esteem and provide a sense of security. Being present and engaged (quality time) with your child conveys that they are important. Displaying these and other love language ideals leads to healthier attachment and child development.

I believe understanding love languages is important for parenting because of the variety in people's personalities. Parents need to be able to analyze what things affect their children the most so that they can support them best. My husband suffered as a child because his mother did not recognize that he needed words of affirmation. She assumed her love language of AOS (same as mine) was good enough for him, but he was different than her. It is important for parents to understand different actions mean different things to different people, even among families.

Love languages are important for parenting because the first people children will ever love are their parents. Parents showing compassion, support, and healthy love to their children will boost a child’s confidence to thrive throughout life and to become a functioning adult in society.  

I believe learning about the different love languages and implementing it in parenting is very important as children, like adults, feel love in different ways. When a parent is aware of a child's love language, I believe a stronger emotional bond can be built in a healthy way. Of course there should be a balance, but being aware of preference is a great tool as a parent raising a child.

My husband and I joke that sometimes we are far too practical. We both prioritize the daily, functional needs of our family and relationship than other aspects of relationships. I find it much more meaningful when my husband changes my car’s oil than when he holds my hand. Actions speak much louder than words. When I was younger, I appreciated gifts as a love language and, honestly speaking, I liked physical touch much more than I do now. 

I grew up in time without “love language” being part of the general syntax. No one in my family was particularly fond or demonstrative with physical touch. 

Understanding the best ways that children interpret love and affection can be integral to making them feel seen and important. For example, my oldest daughter moved to college this year. The first time I visited, she talked about craving a hug. She felt like we, her family, knew what she needed while her new friends didn’t. To emotionally mature, children need to feel that they are loved. In order to pass love and connection on to the next generation, they need to be shown love to learn to love others.