Dorothy.E. Google Sites Peer Feedback 2021 - 2022 by Dorothy Ellison

Izzy Carissimo :D

28icarissimo — 2021-10-05 15:55:58 UTC

Hey Dorothy! I think one of the best parts of your writing piece was that you carefully describe each of your likes. Secondly, I really enjoyed that you added a warm and cozy feeling to your website. I think that it was a great touch to add some fun, and sort of a welcome feeling to your piece. One thing that I would suggest for the future is to define your dislike more, and show them off in your piece. And that’s it! I loved your piece,and have a good day!

Lucyyy panas

28lpanas — 2021-10-06 14:22:10 UTC

Your About Me is very welcoming! I enjoy the use of the word; COZY. It shows your excitement about writing, and makes the reader understand you better. (BTW I LIKE FOOD TOOOOOOOOOOO). It is a very warm piece to read. I also love your quote. It’s not specifically from a Road Doll book but by Road Doll himself. It’s a very cheery quote and I feel like coming into your piece and reading that can make people’s day! It seems like thats what you were trying to do and I like that! Something I think you could work on is your sentence about food. Maybe you could say your favorite food or explain why you love food. Maybe there are some you don’t like? And where do you get it from? I love food toooooooo. That’s all peace out dude.

Olivia M

28omaver — 2021-10-07 17:37:32 UTC

Hey Dorothy! I loves how you explained all the things that you really enjoy you explained them very clearly. I also liked how you explained the really import things in your life like playing video games with your brother and your goal of becoming an artist. One suggestion is to write some things that you dislike in life. Overall I think your About Me writing was really good! <:

Gianna Ribaudo

28gribaudo — 2021-10-07 18:21:49 UTC

I like how you went into description. I like how you say “I would go to my creepy pitch black basement and turn on the lights and play video games with my brother.” I like it because it helps me think about how your basement is. I also like your intro. It makes me think I am sitting on my couch in the winter time. I wish you would write transition words to concert your parts. Other then that I love your writing.

Olivia Maver

28omaver — 2021-11-30 18:52:27 UTC

One of your strengths that I saw in your piece was how you described the feeling of things like when you explained how you felt like you were sitting by a campfire with the blanket, I could just feel the warmth of the blanket on me. I also loved how you deeply explained how sad you were when you said: “I never hugged my family this hard before.” One wish that I have for your memoir is that you don't really explain your realization that much and I wish I could know why you just suddenly felt a little better. Overall I think your piece was really amazing!

Lucy

28lpanas — 2021-12-01 14:59:00 UTC

MY HEART BROKE READING THIS, I can’t imagine how you must have felt!

It was an amazing memoir. I enjoyed the part where you flashed back.

Olivia M

28omaver — 2022-03-09 18:20:07 UTC

One thing that was exmelay powerful in your essay was your deceptive words. I could imagine all of those kids with smiles on their faces and playing a video game with flashes of different colors coming from the screenAnother strength that I found in your essay was your warrants were really strong and powerful and it really shows how joyful kids are when they play video games.On wish that I have for your essay was that I felt like your last two reasons just restated the claim in different wording. I think that you could’ve explained why video games make kids happy or get kids active. Overall I think that your essay was very strong and powerful!

2 stars and a wish

28cbeck — 2022-04-25 18:38:35 UTC

I really liked your story! It was very different from other Aunt Sarah and Sally stories I read and it was very good! I liked how creative it was, with Sally being a sea monster and having the mystery of the locked fridge. My only wish is that you may want to check punctuation and grammar, as some of it is a little bit off. Great story!

Olivia M

2022-04-27 17:30:53 UTC

One strength that I found in your story was the development of Aunt Sharah. I could get a feel of what her personality was and I could picture her in my mind. Another strength that I found was the setting development because I could see the setting in my mind and it was very descriptive. One thing that could be fixed was just your grammar/ choices of words because I would get confused at some parts, but otherwise I really liked and enjoyed your story!