https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc Revision Activity en-us 2017-12-04 23:39:56 UTC 2017-12-11 13:32:48 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/icons/Thunder.png https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133096 Professor's feedback:
Main argument is not declared at the beginning of the essay. The problem I am working on is not explicit enough as well.

Strengths:
Interesting ideas and a combination of authors' claims and reality.

Weaknesses:
Weak emphasis and poor arrangement.]]> 2017-12-05 02:29:20 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133096 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133126 According to the professor, I should discuss more about my own opinion between the relationships between articles. Also, I should edit my essay more to make it more succinct while supportive to my statements.
Strength: I stated the question clearly and used the text properly. 
Weakness:
Sentence clarity. I could not write succinct but supportive sentences which can enhance my statements better.]]> 2017-12-05 02:29:39 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133126 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133745 The strength in my paper which are critical thinking and thoughtful summarized . 
The weakness are lack of greater sentence -level clarity. 
More explicit connection between my claims,the source text and goal of my essay thesis. Also, emphasize why the goal ought to be so prioritized]]> 2017-12-05 02:34:55 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133745 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133948 In my essay, I did well on proposing the issue, using source texts properly to support my thoughts. Also, I gave some good points, which are convincing to support my claim. However, as Dr. Serviss pointed out, the part which talks about the negative consequences of socializing did not expand enough, and did not related with the source texts closely. In other words, I only wrote down the points, but I did not perfect them, making them stronger.]]> 2017-12-05 02:36:21 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133948 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133999     Dr. Serviss says that my own point does not have tight connection with the source texts. Some words are vague and improper. The issue I talk about is complicated but my ending is too simple compare the problem. 
    My strength is that my focus point is the same throughout the whole paper.
    My weakness is that I could not draw strong connection between the source texts and my paper.]]> 2017-12-05 02:36:49 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213133999 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134490  Professor suggest me should  combine my ethnographic study and source texts more closely and work more on declaring the differences between belongings and networking. 
Strength:
I did a great summary of source text and stated the problem clearly.
Weakness:
I included too many quotations. I need to integrate source text directly, but not just quotations.]]> 2017-12-05 02:40:58 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134490 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134625 According to Dr. Serviss, my essay has good points about how sense of belonging is important to college community. However, there is not enough explanation of "belonging" to audiences who might not familiar with the content and my conclusion paragraph does not show the complexity of the problem enough. Since this should be a complex topic, and it should not be simply concluded as I did. ]]> 2017-12-05 02:41:54 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134625 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134967 Based on Dr. Serviss' comments on my synthesis essay, I found that my sources text that support my points is sophisticated, but there are some issues that I need to improve, which are I need to have a correct citation of my references and I did not draw the argument with my collisions in my introduction. ]]> 2017-12-05 02:44:53 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134967 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134992 Acc. to Dr.Serviss, I must be more explicit in stating WHY the problem indicated throughout the essay is important.
WEAKNESSES: insufficient source introduction and lack of proper explanation as to why the problem stated is a problem.
STRENGTH: concise conclusion?

]]> 2017-12-05 02:45:04 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213134992 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213135065 Strength - Complex Argument.

Weakness - Did not explicitly state the importance of individualism on campus until nearly the end of the paper.]]> 2017-12-05 02:45:35 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213135065 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213135452 Sameer’s essay does not establish the focal problem clearly. The use of source texts to explain and support argue,ent was not upto  the mark. Transitions would help the essay become more understandable. Try to focus just on the problem rather than the broad scope.

The essay establishes a relation between education and social life. It is well organized. Transitions would make the essay better. Connecting sources to make a supportive explanation for the argument.]]> 2017-12-05 02:48:36 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213135452 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213136326 According to professor Serviss my introduction was specific and relevant. My main argument about the bivalent nature of belonging being a problem in higher education seemed to interest the reader. While there were various ideas present and developed, I should have had a more fortified stance in my conclusion. My conclusion should have emphasised more on the complexity as well as my own views on the effects of the problem in higher education.]]> 2017-12-05 02:55:13 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213136326 https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213136722 According to professor, even though my focus on the topic is clear, the essay isn't really synthesizing well, which means that the sources aren't helping much for audiences to relate the sources to the main problem. Therefore, I must explicitly organize and connect the sources together to make it smoother and understandable. ]]> 2017-12-05 02:57:51 UTC https://padlet.com/trishserviss/6jc04bk73chc/wish/213136722