Writing Conference Teaching Points by Tonia Paramore

Bishoff- Cheetahs

whitney_bishoff — 2018-04-14 16:09:59 UTC

This was an informational writing on cheetahs. The student included information about the cheetah's diet, habitat, and characteristics. I would talk with this student about the organization of their writing. In 2 separate paragraphs, the student wrote about the cheetah's diet and how they find their food. I would ask the student to combine this information into 1 paragraph, and I would also talk to them about creating headings for each section of their writing to show readers what each paragraph is about.

Fleming-The Sled Run

michelle_fleming3 — 2018-04-18 16:03:42 UTC

This was a personal narrative about going sledding on a snow day. The story is cute and they did a good job with descriptive language in the crash, but it needs deeper development in setting and characters. Who is Amy? What did the hill look like? Why did they crash? I would encourage the student to use the same descriptive language in character and setting development as they did in the crash scene.

Rollo: Plastic, Paper, or Cloth?

2018-04-22 15:48:46 UTC

Rachel wrote a short paragraph about which type of bag we should use when shopping. Her hook made me want to continue reading and her conclusion left me thinking about how I can help the environment.
The teaching point I would address is adding details/examples. I would ask her to create a graphic organizer that lists reasons/examples for using each type of bag.

Miller: The Terror of Kansas

julianne_miller — 2018-04-27 15:11:26 UTC

This is a story, written in first person point of view, in which a young girl experiences first-hand the terror caused by a tornado. The writer did an excellent job with her descriptions and word choice.

The teaching point I would address with this narrative is the "Show, Don't Tell" strategy for narrative writing. I've noticed that our students have a tough time writing creatively and descriptively. This is a wonderful model of a student their age who uses very descriptive language in an effective manner.

By using this model and allowing students to take pieces of the writing they feel are descriptive and analyzing those, perhaps adding more or changing them. They could then employ those techniques moving forward in their own writing.

Cravey: The Haunted House

kelly_cravey — 2018-05-03 14:16:26 UTC

This was a narrative writing piece about 5 kids who go to a haunted house to explore. Tommy used question for his hook, which was a good way to make me want to read more. I would encourage Tommy to use more descriptive/vivid words and details when describing the haunted house.

Ackerman: The Haunted House

kelly_cravey — 2018-05-03 14:19:10 UTC

One of the things I liked about this narrative was how the student used dialogue. When conferring with the student I would discuss with him how to vary his sentence lengths. Including both compound and complex sentences. Along with better use of transition words.

Walters: Adopting a Pet from the Pound

2018-05-03 16:16:05 UTC

This was a persuasive/opinion piece about whether to adopt or not. In this writing, I enjoyed how the author had many reasons and justified her reasons. She had well formed paragraphs, and great transition words. Something that I would recommend to Kristyn is to have a strong introduction paragraph with her three reasons listed. She lists reasons, but they don't line up with the paragraphs that follow. It is almost like she is wrapping the intro paragraph in with the 1st body paragraph. This would increase her organization of her overall essay.

Davis - A Happy Day

2018-05-03 18:27:43 UTC

The student wrote a one paragraph narrative about a happy day that he experienced when his baby brother was brought home from the hospital after being born. This was a cute little story by a first grader. He did a great job of describing the events of that day, however the teaching point I would address here is to use more complex/compound sentences. The sentences were good, but could benefit from more variety. I would also address creating a deeper development of the characters and the setting. For example, what was his baby brother's name? I would also discuss glows and grows by explaining that the introduction sentences was a great hook and left me wanting to finish reading the story, however the last sentence was not exactly a closing that wrapped up the story. The student could then use the ideas given in the conference to help them moving forward to better their writing.

Cook: Math Conversations

2018-05-05 15:40:12 UTC

I was asked to write about my math conferences with students. My conferences this quarter look different from the beginning of the year. First I ask the student to share with me the type of problem they are having difficulties with. Then I have them share why they are struggling. I try to guide the conversation so the student comes up with an alternative suggestion to solve the problem. This makes the student feel successful. Finally, I encourage students to go try again see what happens. Even if it is an outside the box idea. Students who feel successful will continue to give their best effort.

Hawk: The Funny Dance

rebecca_hawk — 2018-05-08 15:36:54 UTC

The student wrote a short narrative describing the memory of his/her dog's dancing to Christmas music. The student did well with organizing the writing ideas, however the writing was written with very simple sentences and seemed choppy.
The activity that I would implement with this student to help encourage the use of description and complex sentences, is an imagery lesson. I would encourage the student to immediately draw the image he/she had when the writing topic was presented. This way the student is able to add details in the images to better lead him/her into incorporating them into the writing.

First Grade Team- A Happy Day

2018-05-09 21:42:29 UTC

The student used descriptive language and had a story starter. We also noticed the use of contraction words and the capitalization of proper nouns. However, the student did not have an ending to the story. We discussed talking to this student about separating the story into a beginning, middle, and ending to help the student see they left out an ending. Helping the student remember how they felt at that time or how they feel about the memory can lead to an ending. We can also refer to or begin showing a chart of different types of story endings. Teaching endings to this student will help them move forward by giving their stories closure. This will also help this student in later grades begin to form their final or closing paragraph.

2nd grade : Horses

2018-05-10 19:28:37 UTC

The teaching point we would focus on would be an opening/hook and closing. The student did an excellent job providing facts and details but needs to start her story with an opening statement that hooks her reader and a closing statement - not just facts. Adding an opening and closing would make her story more than just a culmination of facts.

Kindergarten Team-My favorite Pet

2018-05-10 19:50:50 UTC

The student wrote about the topic, however, his sentences were very short and choppy. The paragraph needed a better beginning and middle sentences but he did do a good closing sentence.

McDougald- My Mother

2018-05-12 22:24:31 UTC

This is a explanatory piece that is describing someones mother. The student is struggling with adding details and being descriptive in the story.
I always do a mini lesson before they start to write. I would read a passage out of a book. I would read from a book that gives a lot of details. I ask the students to find the terms that help describe what is happening in the story.

When conferencing with this student I would start by asking the student to close his eyes think of terms that describe his mother. I would jot down the descriptive words that he used to describe her.  When he opens his eyes we would discuss how he could use these words in is writing. 
Explaining to the student that readers really want to know his mother. Give more details and explain why "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie" is you an your mom's favorite book. describe the  type of things you buy at the mall.

It is important for the writer to understand that details make a paper more interesting for the reader. We want to be able to see his mom and have feeling like he does for his mom. Adding more details make this happen.
This is an area many of my students struggle with. I have used this strategy in the past and it does help.

Rules

Julie_Wood — 2018-05-16 11:12:08 UTC

This piece is describing a new set of rules that the writer's mother has created for the writer and their siblings. The student uses proper conventions and structure to their piece. I would praise the organization and structure. It is clear that the students brainstormed and paused to draft before they wrote. I would encourage the student to use a bit more detail and personal flavor to the piece. I like the reflection at the end but they could add more connection throughout. I would also encourage the student to use more transitions instead of just listing the rules.

McClain - Plastic, Paper, or Cloth?

2018-05-17 11:33:54 UTC

This student is off to a great start with her opinion piece. The title allows the reader to know that a decision will be made regarding plastic, paper, and cloth.
Rachel points out that cloth is the best choice because paper uses trees and plastic uses petroleum. I would guide her to discuss the consequences of these uses on our Earth. It would guide Rachel in lengthening her writing and teaching the reader valuable information. Rather than one paragraph, Rachel could easily have an opinion essay.

Johnson-The Funny Dance

2018-05-17 20:30:02 UTC

I would start by telling the student the idea of the story makes me think about something my daddy would do with our dog. Then I would say, "Let's think about how we could develop a story like this. You said in the story, 'It was very funny.' What does funny look like? What were you doing when you watched your dog and dad dance?" I would explain that good writers show it, don't say it. This will help the reader to feel like they are a part of the scene. Then I would have her edit that part of the story and look for any other places that she could develop the story by showing and not saying.

Gamblin: My Favorite Place to Go

2018-05-18 14:18:32 UTC

This student's writing piece was about their favorite place to visit. They did a descent job explaining their main points. Their word choice I felt was a little inconsistent and at times repetitive. For example, they described the "crisp fall breeze" and used some vivid verbs like "devour," but in other parts of their writing they switched back to simpler, boring words, like great. The author also used the word "just" several times through out their essay. I think I would have them focus on replacing boring language and eliminating or replacing repeated words. Their introduction could also use work. I feel that it was a missed opportunity to use a description or a riddle as a hook so I would also have them tackle that as well.
Doing so would bring their writing to the next level.

Hardy: A Story of Survival

2018-05-18 17:50:25 UTC

This student had a very strong start to their response to literature. They made a claim to the theme of the book. However, they did not provide evidence from the text to support that claim.

Clark-Cheetahs

2018-05-23 18:39:29 UTC

The teaching point I would address is the requirements for a basic paragraph. I would focus on the foundation of a paragraph - 1)topic sentence 2)3 supporting details 3)closing sentence. It would move this writer forward since his/her report lacked complete paragraphs. It would help organize the report , rather than having a list of interesting facts about cheetahs.

Adopting a Pet from the Pound

2018-05-24 13:46:41 UTC

The writer did an excellent job of conveying the advantages of adopting from the pound. She has a strong introduction and conclusion, but lacked the descriptive details that would pull on the heart strings of the audience. Figurative language may have created a more vivid and powerful piece.

My Mother (Knight)

jessica_knight — 2018-05-24 17:38:20 UTC

This student did an excellent job organizing their piece into paragraphs.
When conferring with this student, I would talk about sentence fluency. He/she begins each paragraph with "My mom". I would talk to this student about using transition words in his/her writing and do a mini-lesson to help them understand what transition words are and examples that can be incorporated within each genre of writing. Then I would have them take one of their paragraphs, re-write it and show how they could incorporate transitions to help their writing flow better from beginning to end.