Michelle’s relationship with Peter was and still is special. He wasn't just another guy she dated; he was the first one her mom actually approved of. But it wasn't just about her approval, Peter brought something important into Michelle's life.

It was an environment where Michelle was glued to her Mom, either hearing her relentless scolding or high praise. Though it was exhausting to constantly be with her mother, it was the only way to stay entertained in her neighbourhood. So she played the part of the perfect daughter. Wanting mom’s full attention she’d cling onto her wherever she went, making sure she exceeded expectations. When her parents would leave the house, she’d do the best job when it came to cleaning, acting as if it was some sort of ritual for them to come back and not abandon her. As a child Michelle wanted to be tied to the hip with her mother, never wanting to be left out of her parents’ plans.

As early as an infant, Michelle was already being pushed to fit into these set beauty standards that her Mom, and what seemed like the majority of Korea, believed in. We get to know how her Mom would give in and buy specific products for all sorts of skin concerns. Then she’d religiously follow a 10-step skincare routine like she would die if she didn’t. As if it was a shameful sin for a Korean woman to show wrinkles and look her age. I think skincare is important for everyone, but I can barely do my 4-step routine! Seeing this as a young girl, Michelle aspired to obtain that beauty that her Mom had, stating “I wanted to grow up to look just like my mother, with perfect, smooth skin, and three or four sporadic leg hairs I could just pluck out with a tweezer,” (Ch 3 Pg 32).

It’s clear to see the central role food plays in Michelle’s upbringing, serving as an anchor for familial affection and bonding. Despite her mother's strictness and high expectations, Michelle recognizes the depth of her mother's affection through the meals she prepares with meticulous care. Michelle’s mom might not be able to express her love the way she wants to through words, so she makes up for it with her acts of service. It’s a sentiment that I’ve experienced from my parents as well, as they say, “An action speaks a thousand words.” Her mother’s behaviours demonstrate to Michelle that love can be expressed in various forms, even through challenges or criticisms.

These experiences display how cultural standards of beauty can influence someone’s self-perception. When individuals align with these standards, they may feel validated and confident. However, if they don’t fit these ideals, they may experience feelings of inferiority or a desire to conform. In Michelle’s case, it’s a bit more conflicting as she’s half Korean and half white. When it comes to the beauty standard, how she feels about her appearance can come down to which perspective she’s looking through.

Regardless of her mother's strictness in other aspects of life, when it comes to food, she follows a more relaxed approach, never imposing strict rules about finishing plates or forcing Michelle to consume foods she dislikes. Instead, her mother introduces to Michelle the belief that food should be savoured and enjoyed, and to not overeat simply to avoid waste. This aspect of Michelle's upbringing reinforces her values surrounding love through food in several ways. It strengthens the idea that food is not just nourishment, but also a source of pleasure and comfort. By allowing Michelle the freedom to enjoy her meals without pressure, her mother communicates a message of acceptance and indulgence, supporting the idea that food can be a channel for love and care.

For Michelle, that environment was a ticking time bomb that would explode when she hit her limit and wanted to leave, and her Mother’s constant expectations for her only made the ticking quicker. These conditions mixed with the mind of a growing adolescent, shaped Michelle to value independence away from her Mom. She wanted to prove that she didn’t need her mother there to help her in life, she’d make it on her own. Michelle's need for independence shifted from a desire to make her mother proud, to now a desire to distance herself from her mother's influence.