(6B) DO NOW: Post Your Revision Goal by Dario Sulzman

natasha

2023-11-15 13:36:11 UTC

im going to try and add more details and examples. "is he still in the car or did he pull over" i have to be more carful on showing more details

gema

2023-11-15 13:38:20 UTC

FEEDBACK: "I do think you withhold it "it" that this story is about for too long. I'd like to know by that 3rd paragraph. Then, that way, you can actually develop your actual story"

TO BE REVISED : My dad cut the silence with his specific “We Need To Talk” voice, booming around the small dinner area and asking us if we had any information to tell them.

Amy M

2023-11-15 13:38:39 UTC

it needs more scene. I wonder if you might start, or segue into a paragraph where you get into detail. " I started to dislike her more and more."

Adriana

1043171 — 2023-11-15 13:42:03 UTC

feedback

'I've lost the thread here. Who is the "they" you're talking about?'

to be revised

Why? Maybe, they will be extra about it and add non-real comments which I obviously wouldn’t know of but it’s a what if.