I see how it shimmers, how it glows.

But I cannot get up.

I lay in my bed; I don’t know what’s stopping me.

Is it the covers, how they cover me so tightly?

Is it the warmth of my blankets? I may feel cold when I get out of bed.

Is it because I feel the urge to shut my eyes and lay here, pretending.

Pretending that nothing exists, not the cold floor that automatically brings shivers to my body.

Not the pain of walking from here the window.

Not having to think about the route to the window.

Not the photos around my room that serve as a reminder.

Reminder how I lay alone in this bed, with no one but myself.

No one is bringing me warmth from here, but the covers.

So, I lay in my bed, staring at the window when I shut my eyes for too long.

Wondering, only dreaming of the natural warmth of the sun and not just grasping my blankets.

Grasping them hoping it will be enough, that it will suffice for me to pretend.

I will never forget everything you have done for me. My dear uncle, Roger, saved my life. Well, he didn’t physically but he did. I remember how he found me; he found me on the floor in my room. I thought I was home alone, probably because I was too busy bawling my eyes out from the pain of it all. But I heard my door open, he busted the door open really. I immediately hid. I was ashamed of how red my eyes were, from the marks on my face from the tears, from the inability to speak. I thought he was going to tell me get up and stop all this girly behavior, that I needed to handle it in a mature manner. I swallowed my tears like I was taught to throw up my pride. I was ready to hear it.

But I didn’t hear anything after the slammed door, instead I felt the warm embrace of my uncle Rodger. Yet I still didn’t continue to cry. I felt his head lay next to mine, and finally the silence was broken.

“Sh sh sh, It’s okay. Please, let it all out. I am here, child, I am here.” He said in such a strong tone. But not strong with anger or disappointment, but like he wanted me to know what he meant. That he meant every word of it, that he is not only here physically but will always be a shoulder to cry on. And with those words, I learned how much of a real man my uncle was.

But he wasn’t just a shoulder to cry on, he was a patient man who knew the solution to everything. After I had a moment to calm down, he listened to every word I said. Even if it didn’t make sense. And even after all that, he gave me coping mechanisms to how to deal with everything I was feeling. I never felt more grateful for anything or anyone in my whole entire life.

I will never forget uncle Rodger, and so wont my future kids.

First, don’t judge yourself for being human. It’s hard to be human every day, with socializing, high school, college, and so much more.

Second, you are not alone; you are never alone. There is someone who will understand your pain. Whether that’s a friend, a teacher, a loved one, or even a therapist. There will always be someone to talk to. And even if no one is available, you will be sure to write a journal. You have journaled before and it helped you organize your thoughts, so if you ever feel like you’re confused or overwhelmed and you can’t speak with someone about it because you aren’t ready to or if anyone is available, then your journal is your best friend.

But also remember there are other methods that can help you. One example is meditation! There are diverse coping mechanisms that help you focus in different situations: problem-focused, emotion-focused, meaning-focused, and social coping (Algorani 2023). 

Here are some techniques that can help you that were provided by a website. 

-          Whenever you feel like you’re anxious and cannot control your thoughts, try to work and focus on your breathing. There are different methods of breathing that you can use that will best suit you. When you’re breathing, focus on your breathing as you inhale and exhale.

-          Focus on the present, do this without judgement so you can observe your thoughts and feelings. This can not only help reduce your anxiety and organize your thoughts and feelings, but it also makes you mindful about what you can and cannot control.

-          Walking always seems to help if you need to take your mind away from what is bothering you. Furthermore, you get to enjoy the scenery and the world around you.

Overall, remember that you will be okay. You always bounce back up. You are kind, smart, and brave. I love you.

It was the first day of school today. Everything went really well this day, surprisingly. Although I was a bit anxious about the ice breakers, I prepped some of the potential ice breakers I was going to hear. Two truths and a lie, some interesting fun facts about me, what superpower I would want, some of my favorites, etc. I needed to make sure people do not think I’m socially awkward so it’s easier to make friends.

2 September 2024

I am so sorry I haven’t journaled for a while. I have been getting adjusted to high school. I gladly made some friends who are very nice, I hope they like me because I really like them. I will try to write more! But right now, I must do an assignment for Biology.

18 November 2024

Hey! I know what I said two months ago but I have been so busy. I know the whole reason I even started this journal so I would be able to deal with my emotions since I was scared about being in high school. But now I’m scared of everything, I know that sounds so stupid so say but it’s true. I am failing stupid Biology. I have this major test coming up for it and if I fail, I cannot recover. I don’t even feel like myself anymore. I am so tired of trying so hard to be able to succeed but no matter how hard I try or how long I study, nothing makes sense in my stupid head. WHY CAN I NOT JUST GET THIS CONCEPT?? I don’t want to ask for help because I don’t want anyone to know how idiotic I am. I am just going to study and then go to bed. Wish me luck.

What I enjoy the most was creating the poem since it is up to the reader's interpretation, making it fit to their own personal situations.

I am very glad I went with this topic because it helped me with my mental health by giving a better understanding with the topic and diverse point of views of mental health. I also enjoyed learning the different coping techniques that I will remember for the years.

Corrigan, Patrick. “APA PssycNet.” Psycnet.apa.org, Oct. 2004, psycnet.apa.org/buy/2004-19091-003 

Godreau, Jeanette. “10+ Coping Strategies to Improve Your Mental Health and Well-Being.” 

Mindful Health Solutions, 20 Oct. 2023, mindfulhealthsolutions.com/10-coping-strategies-to-improve-your-mental-health-and-well-being

Khan, Asaduzzaman, et al. “Excessive Smartphone Use Is Associated with Depression, Anxiety, Stress, and Sleep Quality of Australian Adults.” Journal of Medical Systems, vol. 47, no. 1, 20 Oct. 2023, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10916-023-02005-3. 

Monroe, Jamison. “Teen Mental Health Stigma and How to Fight…” Newport Academy, Newport Academy, 11 Aug. 2017, www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teen-mental-health-stigma/. 

Singhal, Nikhita. “Stigma, Prejudice and Discrimination against People with Mental Illness.” American Psychiatric Association, Mar. 2024, www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/stigma-and-discrimination.

“Teen Mental Health Statistics | Young Adult Treatment Center | AWA.” Adolescent Wellness Academy, adolescentwellnessavademy.com/teen-mental-health-facts-and-statistics/. 

The Britannica Dictionary. “Stigma Definition & Meaning | Britannica Dictionary.” www.britannica.com, 2023, www.britannica.com/dictionary/stigma. 

World Health Organization. “Mental Health.” World Health Organization, World Health Organization, 17 June 2022, www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response.