I first found out about the opportunity from Brandy Barker at a banquet for the holiday card the school would be sending out. The trip immediately caught my attention as studying abroad was one of the things I was most excited about when getting ready for college. Immediately after getting in my car at the end of the event, I texted my, very supportive, parents about the possibility. They responded with encouragement, and I began the process of signing up.

Unfortunately, many parts of my life were hectic and undergoing certain changes around the holiday times last year, so finishing the application ended up getting pushed down the list of priorities. I was afraid I would not be able to go on the trip because I was told the session I was meant to be on had already filled up. However, I reached out to Chad Davidson and was informed that there was going to be a second session that I would be able to go with. I finished the payments excited for what was to come.

The social I went to was on a stormy day. I remember being excited because of how rainy it was because it has always been an atmosphere I love. Despite the frigid, windy wetness that was polluting the air, I decided to go through my whole closet to find an outfit I found cute- because first impressions are everything. I was one of the first people there and was directed to get some pizza. People began to file in and a group conversation led by Chad began. I was sitting next to him, so my attention fell solely on how I was ripping the cheese off of my slice of pizza. I felt like I was being nitpicked and began to fall much too deeply into my head about leaving a poor impression. Eventually, we dispersed a bit and I went up to one of the only people that was on the same session as me. Her name was also Abby. She came in a bit late and seemed almost skittish to me at first. If we were animals I am sure I would have been able to smell her anxiety. Though twisted, it was this anxiety that drew me to her. It felt safe. I think it is a similar desire I have for the rain, the one I found for her friendship. I recall both a Noah and an Anthony being there too, but at the time my focus was only able to handle one person. I did not even care to remember their names at the time.

The final meeting was where I took note of the professors and others who were going to be with me on the trip. It was here that I was hit with the reality of what I was planning to do. I looked around the room at my future companions and looked back at my future instructors and really understood that I was going to be in a foreign place relying upon only strangers. The realization invoked me to turn to Abby, who had come in late and frazzled, and asked if she would want to be roommates, as I remembered an email earlier that day that mentioned we could have preferences. Thankfully she agreed, and I went back to rereading my info-packet to reassure myself that I knew what I was doing was something I could handle.

I think that I was the first one to get to the airport. Perhaps not the first one inside, but that is due to me making my dad drive loops upon loops around the building until I saw a message in the group chat that someone was there. Walking around the terminal made my heart race. I looked all around, but no face stood out to me. People began to blend together as I started to wonder if I would find the others. When I joined the others, I only recognized Abby, but then a professor came over to help us check-in. Once again, at this time I could not differentiate between my two professors, only their classes. I began chatting with Alaina and Abby about the basics: major, plans for the future, and family. Security and boarding fly by me as I am not completely there mentally. In terms of location, I was, just not time. I was looking at the space around me as if it were a year ago when I went to the British Isles with a different group of people, which included my family. The entire time I was busy comparing the two times in my mind.

Once on the plane, I discovered that I was sat in the aisle next to a young boy and his father. The flight took off, food was handed out, and the lights dimmed, as this all happened, I had an understanding that I was finally, truly on my own. All around me was darkness and whether sitting or standing, there was only a sea of unfamiliar faces with me. I felt free.

Reading the materials to prepare for the trip, I was shocked. Not of the majority of the texts since they all seemed to repeat the same theme over and over again. What shocked me was the itinerary for the day. It seemed exhausting which contradicted the few days we had already spent in Spoleto, so I was taken by surprise. However, I have prior experience in tours similar to the plan, so I was not as apprehensive about it as some others were. I was most excited to see "The Ecstasy of St. Teresa" by Bernini as it is an artwork I am familiar with from a previous class. I pulled up my old notes and essay to refresh myself on some of the facts pertaining to the piece which only worked to increase my excitement about seeing it. Unfortunately, visiting the artwork ended up getting cut from the itinerary due to complaints from the first session and a heat advisory going out. My emotions were confused with the situation because I was glad that we were not going to be running around in crowds and heat, but I had really only been excited about the single sight. I remember the mantra that seemed to be the quote of the trip "Make your own experience", so I looked back over the itinerary and talked to others to help sort out the emotions I was feeling. I settled on excitement, which is not a surprising emotion when visiting Rome, but I felt it was an accomplishment.

Once in Rome, my attention became blurred with the speed at which we were moving. I was focused on moving my legs and taking breaths rather than all the historic sites surrounding us. Additionally, the sheer number of ruins, monuments, and fountains was overwhelming. The situation could have easily become isolating, where I drowned not seeing any hands reaching down to aid me, but I never felt alone. Right beside me were others who felt the same as me, even if there were people who were keeping up, I was able to see clearly the people with me. I discovered I was not drowning because I had others to float with.

This feeling only solidified when it was time for our lunch break. I went with Gabbi and Laalaa, who I had yet to talk to. I was scared. Not of them, but of myself. I began to get into my head about interacting with people I did not know well and who were older than me, as I was the youngest of the group. We found a place with an option for dining inside. Walking into the restaurant, I felt all the weight I was carrying evaporate thanks to the gust of cold air conditioning that hit us. We plopped into our seats and guzzled water. Only after that did we notice that the place was empty. We then noticed there was one guy in the back and one guy working the front. Both spoke a language that was not Italian, one that we could not identify, and they were coughing into their hands. The looks we shared spoke a thousand words. Our food was good, but what was better was physically feeling myself become free of the weights I was carrying when walking to the establishment.

We were two groups of four, so two-thirds of the class was going on this mini trip. The first group consisted of me, Abby, Gabbi, and Laalaa, and the second group was Alaina, Eric, Mariana, and Anthony. Navigating the train system was a feat we did not expect to be as troubling as it was, but Mariana was our savior that day. I was tired and decided that too many hands in the pot would just make a mess. Thankfully my trust was not misplaced. Our two groups split ways at the train station in Napoli as we were staying in different places. The streets were dark, only ever stealing neon light from one of the various nightlife spots. Gabbi and Abby kept having to stop for me and Laalaa as we did not have their speedy superpowers. Once we got to our AirBnB and got out all of our awe at its prettiness, we discovered that Laalaa's foot was seriously injured. She had a massive blister the size of the palm of an adult hand that had already burst at some point during the day. We quickly got to taking care of her. I took charge due to my familiarity with the medical. I sent an image of the injury and a message to Neema, called my mother who has worked in a hospital for over two decades, and gave her some medicines that I had on my person. Once she was settled, we talked. Then we talked some more. The four of us had a major debrief. One that became too loud as the host started flicking our lights on and off. We had just all been so excited that what we all thought were ideas we had on our own, were thoughts that we all shared. Sometime during the discussion, we made a plan to sleep in the next day and go to a pharmacy to gather better supplies for treating Laalaa's foot. We also made the decision to skip the Pompeii tour since Laalaa could not walk on her foot and we did not want to leave her behind.

The next morning, I awoke to a call from a very worried Mariana. We found out that the message we thought got sent to the other group of four explaining how we were not participating in the tour and just going to take a slow day because of a wounded foot, never actually sent to them. They had been calling all our phones scared that something bad had happened to us. We explained everything to them and added them to our group chat to avoid further misunderstandings. Gabbi, Abby, and I headed out to the pharmacy and mimed our way into getting the supplies we needed and ignored the odd, hostile stares we received. On our way back, we discovered a McDonalds. A McDonald's where we would shortly go back out to visit and buy practically their entire menu. The rest of the was spent eating, watching Bridgerton, and bonding. We were called down though to give our passports to the host. The host was very kind; he told us he built the whole place during Covid, he showed us streets to stay on and others to stay away from, and he gave us a tour of the basement- where Gabbi and I believed we were going to be kidnapped and chained in- and treated us to some alcohol.

That night we invited the other group over, but only Anthony came as Pompeii had completely exhausted them. We played drinking games and cards, we joked around and got exponentially closer to each other. When we decided to call it a night, it was around three in the morning, so Gabbi and Abby walked Anthony back to his place while I stayed back to help Laalaa with her foot. However, I came out of the bathroom to find the two girls lying out on the beds gasping for breath. I could just stand around waiting for them to calm down and they could tell us what had happened. Apparently a car drove by them, reversed back towards them, and then began to yell different catcalls and remarks at them until Anthony yelled out at them to go away. That night and into the next morning when we experienced more uncomfortable gazes from locals while walking to the train station, all I could think about was our host making a point of where to go and where to not along with these other oddities. On the train, we looked at all the dilapidated buildings in Napoli and realized that even a place advertised as an oasis such as Italy, will have issues and dangers just like our home. A few days later when Neema went over the mafia in his class, I would do some research and find out that we were staying in one of three mafia hotspots in Italy.

After getting back home I realized that where I thought I experienced the most growth was in gaining more confidence in my ability to handle myself in the world, where I actually grew the most was in my ability to free myself from the shackles of worry I would be chained with. I have a need, and that is to be free and independent. I need space from others and to be able to do as I wish with my time- not what others want to do with my time. I felt free there, and when coming back I felt like I was being locked in a cage again. Now I actively choose freedom when planning my days.

Throughout my time in Italy, people kept talking about this moment of realization that you are out in Italy. I did not have this in Italy, but rather at baggage claim in the Atlanta airport as we prepared to go out and meet our loved ones and separate. My whole life I have hated the end of things. The end of a movie, book series, era, trip, night, season, it does not matter what, I have hated all of their endings. Just like I hated that moment we took our final group photo because it signified our end. We walked out to our terminals, and just like that everyone was gone. I found my mom, and waved goodbye to Alaina and Abby, for they were the only ones still there, and went out to my car to go home. I got car sick since I had only used trains for a month, but I liked it a bit; it showed that just because we went home, it's not an end. Memories do not end.

Abby and I had packed light with our clothes thinking that we would just buy a new closet once we got to Spoleto, but then we found out that the "good", otherwise known as affordable, shopping was in Perugia, a city we would not go to until the last weekend of the trip. We decided to just travel there independently and asked if anyone else would be interested in coming. Noah and Anthony said yes.

Everything was going smoothly until we got off the train in Perugia. It did not help that we did no prior research before leaving. I pulled out my phone to pull up Apple Maps and selected a random store in an area that had the most little red dots. Something we had no warning about was the never-ending, very steep hills. The college town and shops sit at the peak of Perugia's giant hill, and we got off the train at the bottom. We hiked up one particularly steep area but then turned around when Anthony got a bad vibe from the sketchy aura of the street. He and Abby were still spooked by their encounter in Pompeii, so we listened and went back down the hill. After a while we felt like we were not making any progress upward, so we switched to Google Maps and I handed my phone off to Abby- only Anthony and I had cell service and we were conserving his battery in case of emergency. The new route was even steeper, something Noah and I did not even believe to be possible, so, in the 90-degree weather with the sun beating down on us, we continued to hike. We repeatedly had to stop for breaks due to the conditions- often seeing odd little flying red cars go over our heads- so by the time we made it to the town we had already lost three-quarters of the time we had planned for the day. However, we still had a good time as we walked through some shops, enjoyed a beautiful view, and took some fun photos. Later we would learn that the little flying cars that we kept spotting were a mini metro system that could have had us to the town in ten minutes without a sweat, but we live and we learn: to ask questions even when you do not think you have any.

We got back to the Perugia train station and gawked at how much more expensive the ticket booth prices were than the ones on our TrenItalia app. We bought tickets that would get us back to Spoleto an hour before we had to be at a group dinner for class. Once again, everything seemed to be going smoothly. Unfortunately, when we went to get off the train in Spoleto, we could not get the door to open. We pulled and pulled, but then had to stand around the door in horror as we watched ourselves slowly leave Spoleto. Back at our seats, we came up with a plan to get off at the next station and be waiting by the door before we got there, as our conclusion for what we did wrong was that simply we were too late. We also had the foresight to send a message in the chat about our situation. However, what happened in Spoleto happened again, so we were still stuck on the train. This time an Italian woman took pity on the panicking Americans she saw, as we were truly in a panic at the time, and came over to show us what we were doing wrong. She showed us a little red light that hung above the door and told us that we must open the door when we saw that light flash, only then would the door unlock to be opened. Thanks to her help we were able to get off at the next station, and she even helped us find the train that would take us back to Spoleto. We never got her name, so she just sits in my mind as my train angel. Back on the train to Spoleto Anthony was still feeling panicked, so he was drawing in his journal. We noticed, so we started talking about them and I drew our portraits despite not being able to draw. I then told him he had to draw out my tattoo, which was a fun moment. It felt so light. Even though we were sweaty with stress about the situation and realizing that we were going to miss the group dinner, I felt free.

When we finally got off the train in Spoleto, we took off to make sure our faces were at least seen at the dinner. The others were kind as they gave us food they had set aside and listened to our tale, but the four of us were so exhausted from the emotional and physical tolls the day had wrought on us that we could not fully appreciate the kindness at the time. In the end, Gabbi and Laalaa brought us back to their apartment where they gave us food and empathy, and the six of us finished an old card game that we had started back in Pompeii.

It came to light during the incident where I got stuck on the train and food had to be put aside for my group, that there had been a miscommunication about my dietary restrictions. I have Crohn's Disease and a dairy allergy that can trigger a flare of the disease. A few weeks before the trip I discussed this with the student intern who confirmed that she would work with the director of the trip to take care of any concerns. Because of this, I chose the dishes that were introduced as not having butter or cheese on them assuming that this was the diet-friendly option. However, I found out that all the dishes had dairy, even the ones that did not have cheese or butter on them. I was too distraught from the day to fully process the news, so I just went back to the apartments and let Gabbi cook some fish for me, as she is an angel on earth. The next day though, Abby and I had a very serious conversation about the revelation and some other worries we had surrounding the leadership. We decided to message Professor Neema about having a meeting to address the issues. He agreed to a meeting during Apertivo up on the terrace. We were very excited about finally being honest about our issues but also scared that they would not be solved with the conversation; we got together other people who shared our same thoughts on the matter to attend the meeting in hopes that it would communicate our seriousness.

The group of us students got there a little earlier than the set time to pre-discuss our concerns, but we all agreed that we trusted Neema with our worries. He got there and listened to us bring up concerns about my dietary restrictions at group meals, worries about the director, and some other minor issues. He listened to us and took time to digest the information before he reassured us that everything would work out and be taken care of. After that meeting, my needs were always met at the dinners, and after the switch from the director to professor Walter, all of our other worries fell into the back of our minds.

People were all splitting ways for the independent travel weekend, and a group of us wanted to find a beach to visit. We originally were thinking of the Amalfi coast, but then we found a smaller beach that would be more affordable and reasonable. Mariana, Eric, Abby, Anthony, and I went off to get to this beach. The walk to get to the beach from the train station was very easy and short. When we got there, the beach was practically empty except for a group of young locals. We split the cost for a cabana right by the water, and then we proceeded to chill. Mariana tanned, Abby and Anthony walked the shoreline, and Eric and I took a very relaxing nap. Eventually, we became hungry, so I found a place that looked both delicious and affordable. We ate some sandwiches and went to walk around the little town.

While walking around, we found a group of large boulders that sit right on top of the shoreline. Of course, we had to climb them. The feeling was amazing as we all stood upon these five-foot-high rocks with waves breaking along the sides of them. Looking out into the distance, you could only see blue. I felt free and magical like this was beyond Italy and in a book. We found a tide pool-like area on a giant boat-sized rock on the water where crabs and other little creatures resided. My mind receded back to when I was a child and would pretend to have magical powers when in the bath or at the pool. I felt like I was in another world. Then a giant wake broke against the rock and my entire side became soaked in salty water. Mariana tried to get splashed for me, but Poseidon was looking out for her that day for she stayed dry. However, we all felt something move within us, and we all separated to reflect on our own. I did not, and do not, know much about meditation, but, I think I reached something similar in that moment. I had never felt more at peace. My thoughts flowed out onto the pages of my little journal until my mind was empty and all I could do was stare out at the water in a trance. We all got back onto the train differently than when we got off.

Anthony drew out the tattoo idea I had in my head so that there would not be any hiccups when getting it. It was an arched door, something I had seen countless of around the city and had fallen utterly in love with.The door had Spoleto written on the stairs at its base and little hearts worked into the metal work in the arch above the door. It was a culmination of little symbols that displayed the love I had for the experience. We were a group of three: Alaina, Anthony, and I, who went together to get tattoos. Unfortunately, there were no openings the day we went, and the only time she had would be during a class. We wanted them from this particular shop because another group of three previously got their tattoos here. We were determined to get the tattoos in Spoleto, so we set up a time to speak with the professor whose class was during the appointment time to see what we could do to work out the schedule. Luckily, he was understanding and flexible, allowing us to get the most out of the opportunity.

Originally, I was going to get my first tattoo a few months before the trip, but it would have been on my forearm. I had to pull out of the tattoo because I began considering a career in law, and I was afraid a boldly placed tattoo would hinder me. Thus, I was getting my first tattoo in Spoleto on my hip, a spot easily hidden. Though there were no big monuments around or gorgeous artwork to gawk at, it was in this little tattoo parlor with an artist who spoke no English, that I made a monumental leap. Before I was getting the tattoo as a match to my mother's. I had always done things with others or for others, but here I did something independently, for myself, with friends I chose. The taste of free will was exquisite, and I never wanted to go back to the bland-flavored life I had before. Every morning afterward, I would see the ink on my body and taste that flavor once more.