I used to think that mastering a musical instrument is just a matter of time as it's merely a form of entertainment. However, as I took up Dan Tranh and attended lessons, I soon realised how challenging it is to actually play a simple musical composition, since it requires players to understand notes and rhythms. Therefore to be honest, playing an instrument without instructor is, in my opinion, impossible.

2) What do you think of running as a form of exercise?

According to my MBTI, which is a test of personality, I'm an extrovert. This is closely associated with my interest in sporting activities. Exercising means a lot to me as it's a type of stress-reliever for myself. When looking at residential areas in cities, we can notice that the most commonly-known form of exercise is running since it requires low investment and there is a wide variety of places to run everywhere in a country. So running is an affordable and recommendable form of exercise.

3) Do you usually help people around you?

To be honest, it depends. Helping people is not always a smart choice, in other words, you might get into troubles when you provide support in a generous way. When you back up people out of the goodness, if the person is doing something up to no good, then you might abetting bad things. _{urgh khó quá cô ơi :`(}

4) Do you use robot in your daily life?

Currently, there is literally no robot in my house as it is a truely a bricks-and-mortar house with plenty of analog switches. My parents have an assumption that technology is unreliable, so every tasks in my family use manual labour. But who knows if there's the advent of robot in my house down the line? Robot is of great potential to become houseworker since inventions such as home-cleaning robot are being brought out every year, and my parents might be interested in purchasing one someday.

5) What is your favourite number?

I would say that my favourite number is number 8. People often say that having a number mounted to oneself is a meaningless action, but that's not always the case, a number can literally boost one mood or confidence up. For example in any type of sports, players appear with jersey, on which numbers will be printed on and it represents individuality of the one who wearing it. So having a lucky number is not awkward at all.

1. I used to think that mastering a musical instrument was just a matter of time and more about fun than anything else. But when I picked up the Dan Tranh and started lessons, I quickly figured out how tough it is to even nail a simple tune. You've got to get the hang of notes and rhythms. So, to be honest, learning an instrument without a teacher seems pretty much impossible to me.

2. My MBTI says I'm an extrovert, and that really lines up with my love for sports. Hitting the gym is a huge stress-buster for me. In urban areas, running is by far the go-to exercise—it's cheap, and you can do it almost anywhere. That's why I'd recommend running as a top pick for anyone looking to get active without spending much.

3. To be honest, it depends. Helping people isn't always the wisest move. Sometimes, you could end up in buying yourself troubles for lending a hand too freely. If you help someone without knowing they're up to no good, you could unintentionally end up supporting their shady activities. It's really tricky!

4. Right now, there’s no robot in sight at my place—it’s totally old-school with loads of manual switches. My friends think tech is too sketchy to rely on. But, who knows? Maybe we'll see a robot or two in the future. Robots are definitely carving out a niche in the home-helper market, and my parents might just come around to grabbing one in the future.

5. I'd say my lucky number is eight. Some people think it’s weird to get attached to a number, but it can actually give you a boost. Take sports, for example. Players wear jerseys with numbers that mark their turf—it’s part of their identity on the field. So, rocking a lucky number? Totally normal.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃🖍️

Given that homework is now widely considered as a compulsory procedure in tertiary education, it is criticised as too student-oversaturating💥 (Unnatural Expression)𓂃𓈒overwhelming for students. Although I am partly convinced by the former argument, I stick to the viewpoint that homework plays an integral part in school children's (EXP)𓂃𓈒students' learning.

This topic reminds me of one of my friend, Yen. I would definitely claim that she is a great cook, or more specific, a great baker. We attend the same school - VD highschool, and she is now a member of the club in which I'm a core team member, also, she is also a trainee of mine.

During the training session, we had chances to have some random conversations, and I found out her hobbies are cooking and baking, but I didn't really pay much attention to this detail. Later on, I follow her Instagram and saw her posts of different kinds of treat that she baked, so I commented on them with some praise. As I recall, one day, I came across Yen and she gave me a piece of the cake she just baked the day before to my surprise. I gave a try and to be honest, it was out of this world. It tasted as perfect as it looked. I gave her a feedback that evening and thanked for her kindness. Since then, I guess she has taken up a habit of sharing with me things she cooks or bakes.

However, you won't believe this. She may sounds like a caring and good-hearted friend, but she is obsessed with compliments while can't put up with crticism. Therefore, when I eat her food, I have to say positive words and feedback, no matter how the food taste, and of course that means I have to tell lies at times. But this doesn't sound that uncomfortable. The proportion of bad outcome when she bake is 20% (tỉ lệ bánh nó làm ko ngon là 20%), which makes it sensible when I still have 80% chances to taste her extraordinary desserts.

Just kidding! She's a warm-hearted person and seems like a care giver to me, and I appreciate that, and not gonna lie, I'm sort of a sample taster for her now.

______

This topic reminds me of my friend Yen. I would definitely say she’s a fantastic cook, or more specifically, a brilliant baker. We both go to VD High School, and she’s part of a club where I’m a core team member. She’s also one of my trainees.

During training sessions, we often had random conversations, and I found out she loves cooking and baking. At first, I didn't pay much attention to this detail. Later, I followed her on Instagram and saw her posts of various treats she baked. I left a few comments praising her work. One day, I bumped into Yen, and to my surprise, she handed me a piece of cake she had baked the day before. I tried it, and honestly, it was out of this world. It tasted as perfect as it looked. I gave her feedback that evening and thanked her for her kindness. Since then, she’s made a habit of sharing her culinary creations with me.

However, you won’t believe this. Yen may seem like a caring and kind-hearted friend, but she’s obsessed with compliments and can’t handle criticism. So, whenever I try her food, I have to shower her with positive feedback, regardless of how it tastes. This means I sometimes have to stretch the truth a bit. But honestly, it’s not that uncomfortable. The proportion of times her baking turns out less than perfect is about 20%, which means I still have an 80% chance of enjoying her extraordinary desserts.

Just kidding! She’s a warm-hearted person and acts like a caregiver to me, and I truly appreciate that. Not gonna lie, I’ve sort of become her unofficial taste tester, and I’m not complaining!

Given that art and music are featured in almost every aspects of life, the questions about their compulsory inclusion are looming large. While it is a common assumption that imposing art and music in secondary school will eventually pay big dividends, I maintain that this will do a disservice to students.

Hardly anyone can deny that music and art are of less importance in society. Logically or scientific subjects, such as Math, Physics or Chemistry are gaining immense prevalence and preference as these are fundamental in nourishing students' understanding of the foundation for success (quan trọng để phát triển tư duy nền tảng cho thành công?). Meanwhile, art and music are nothing but supplementary subjects and are only necessarily needed for some special disciplines. Not only do these subjects require creativity but also innate talent, which most pupils lack of. While many argue that 'practice makes perfect', as long as you are diligent, you will soon master it. However, this argument is far from convincing since for the uninterested, there will never be a decent outcome.

Admittedly, mandating art and music in secondary curriculum can act as a gap for students to ease their anxiety. Nevertheless, those who are academically inclined will not pay their attention in these classes and accuse them of depriving students of time and effort that can be better spent on other academic subjects. This reality can lead to resentment towards the education system, and also affect students' mental well-being. That is not to mention compulsory attendance could result in a lack of motivation and gradually boost a sense of rebellion in the students themselves. In a society which tout democracy, it is essential to let students, or people at large, make their own choices freely instead of enforcing them.

In brief, although art and music classes are instrumental in fostering creativity and imagination, enriching one's inner world, making these classes compulsory for secondary students, in contrast, evoke many challenges and flipsides. I hold that students should be given the rights to decide what they learn, so that they can develop in the way they and their family want.

->

Given that art and music are featured in almost every aspects every aspect of life, the questions about their compulsory inclusion are looming large. While it is a common assumption that imposing art and music in secondary school will eventually pay big dividends, I maintain that this will do a disservice to students.

Hardly anyone can deny that music and art are of less importance lesser importance in society. Logically or scientific subjects, such as Math, Physics or Chemistry are gaining immense prevalence and preference Logical or scientific subjects, such as Maths, Physics, or Chemistry, are becoming increasingly prevalent and preferred as these are fundamental in nourishing students' understanding of the foundation for success. Meanwhile, art and music are nothing but supplementary subjects merely supplementary and are only necessarily needed essential for some special disciplines. Not only do these subjects require creativity but also innate talent, which most pupils lack of lack. While many argue that 'practice makes perfect', as long as you are diligent, you will soon master it. However, this argument is far from convincing since for the uninterested, there will never be a decent outcome.

Admittedly, mandating art and music in the secondary curriculum can act as a gap way for students to ease their anxiety. Nevertheless, those who are academically inclined will not pay their attention in pay attention to these classes and accuse them of depriving students of time and effort that can be better spent on other academic subjects. This reality can lead to resentment towards the education system, and also affect students' mental well-being. That is not to mention Not to mention, compulsory attendance could result in a lack of motivation and gradually boost a sense of rebellion foster rebelliousness in the students themselves. In a society which tout democracy touts democracy, it is essential to let students, or people at large, make their own choices freely instead of enforcing them.

In brief, although art and music classes are instrumental in fostering creativity and imagination, enriching one's inner world, making these classes compulsory for secondary students, in contrast, evoke raises many challenges and flipsides drawbacks. I hold that students should be given the rights right to decide what they learn, so that they can develop in the way they and their family want wants.

CHÚ Ý:
- giới từ và ngữ pháp của các collocation
- cách diễn đạt còn dài dòng

Given the significance of telecommunication in modern day, questions about whether communication technology hinders social relationships are looming large. Although downsides of technology do exist, I firmly believe that its benefits take precedence over in the long run.

Hardly anyone can deny that communication through social media provides people and users a new approach in keeping in touch with others (Khẳng định 1). People use their phones to access to different media everyday, with applications such as Email, Messenger, Whatsapp,... they can easily stay connected with their friends and family, as well as their partners or colleagues at work (Giải thích + liệt kê ví dụ). Another supporting reason for the use of modern communication technology is that it can give access to a tremendous source of information which can have a positive effect on people's relationships (Khẳng định 2). Studies have shown that by using social media, a person can intensively enhance their political knowledge and civic engagement (Dữ liệu). In this light, rather viewing communication platforms as a disadvantage to social interaction, it should be recognized as a conveyance of interconnection between individuals.(Kết đoạn)

Admittedly, the use of social communication platforms comes in with its share of problems. When face-to-face interaction is limited, the expression of users might not be precisely transmitted, this can lead to misinformation and mistrust among friends or family members. Added to this risk is the preference on virtual communication as people rather chat or send texts through media. However, communication technology can improve the efficiency of social interactions, thereby enhancing social relationships. That is not to mention the convenience users get when they utilize digital platforms to plan and organize social events, coordinate activities, and share information quickly and easily. In a society that values the effectiveness as well as professionalism of an individual, modern technology is of utmost importance in people's lives.

In brief, although communication technology can do a disservice to our relationships and connection, it plays a crucial role in enhancing our quality of time as well as our proficiency in handling social links. I hold that people should use this technology to keep up with the changes in this society, meanwhile be aware of the drawbacks of it in order to wisely take an advantage of it.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ 6.𝟓𝟎+✨ 🖍️ ╚══════nn════════════╝

Given the significance of telecommunication in modern day, questions about whether communication technology hinders social relationships are looming large. Although downsides of technology do exist, I firmly believe that its benefits take precedence over 💥in the long run (EXP: over time/in the long term).

Hardly anyone can deny that communication through social media provides 💥people and users (RED: digital device enthusiasts/ tech-savvy individuals) a new approach 💥in (GR: to) keeping in touch with others. People use their phones to access 💥to (GR: access sth hoặc gain access to sth) different media 💥everyday (SP: every day), with applications such as 💥Email, Messenger, Whatsapp,... (EXP: email, Messenger, or WhatsApp.) they can easily stay connected with their friends and family, as well as their partners or colleagues at work. Another supporting reason for the use of modern communication technology is that it can give access to a tremendous source of information which can have a positive effect on 💥people's (GR: people's) relationships. Studies have shown that by using social media, a person can 💥intensively (WC: significantly) enhance their political knowledge and civic engagement. In this light, rather 💥viewing (GR: than viewing) communication platforms as a disadvantage to social interaction, 💥it should be recognized (EXP: they should be recognized) as a conveyance of interconnection between individuals.

Admittedly, the use of social communication platforms 💥comes in with (EXP: comes with) its share of problems. When face-to-face interaction is limited, the expression of users might not be precisely transmitted, 💥this (GR: which) can lead to misinformation and mistrust among friends or family members. Added to this risk is the 💥preference on (GR: preference for) virtual communication as people 💥rather (GR: would rather) chat or send texts through media. However, communication technology can improve the efficiency of social interactions, thereby enhancing social relationships. That is not to mention the convenience users get when they utilize digital platforms to plan and organize social events, coordinate activities, and share information quickly and easily. In a society that values 💥the (EXP: both) effectiveness 💥as well as (EXP: and) professionalism of an individual, modern technology is of utmost importance in people's lives.

In brief, although communication technology can 💥do a disservice (EXP: be detrimental) to our relationships and 💥connection (GR: connections), it plays a crucial role in enhancing our quality of time as well as our proficiency in handling social links. I hold that people should use this technology to keep up with the changes in 💥this (GR: our) society, meanwhile be aware of the drawbacks of 💥it (EXP: of using it) in order to wisely 💥take an advantage of it (EXP: take advantage of it).

CHÚ Ý:
- sai GRammar nhiều, chủ yếu giới từ, cấu trúc của các cụm và chia S-V
- chú ý EXP

I have to tell you about the shower gel and shampoo ads in Vietnam. I find it really irritating as it often reinforces the conventional gender stereotypes. It always depicts a man or a woman using the product, then uses tangible effects to make the ad "smells decent". The thing is there are some lines integrated in the ad that consolidate the norms of each gender, such as "masculine bravery" or "sexy smell". I can guarantee that these "innocent" lines are the culprit of sexism transmission among viewers since these ads usually appear on broadcast or national channels non-stop. They indicate that men have to be strong, masculine with beard and women have to own good odor in order to please men. It's time to stop spreading these adverse messages. Why can't we create more responsible ads that only go deep into the products' advantages, not what the sexist assume them to present. For me, instead of following the norms and doing what people consider right, I will continue to stick to my own preference. Although it is not easy to ignore these messages because even my parents are the victim of those advertisements, I will try my best to figure it out for the benefits of both myself and the others.

•────────•°𓆩☀️𓆪°•────────•

I have to tell you about the shower gel and shampoo ads in Vietnam. They really get on my nerves because they keep reinforcing those old-school gender stereotypes. It's always some guy or gal using the product, and then they use fancy effects to make the ad seem "smellable". The problem is, these ads throw in lines like "masculine bravery" or "sexy scent" that just keep the gender norms going.

Impact of Gender Stereotypes in Media

I can guarantee that these so-called "innocent" lines are a big part of why sexism sticks around. These ads are all over the place on broadcast and national channels, non-stop. They basically say men need to be strong and macho with beards, while women need to smell nice just to please men. It's high time we stop spreading these harmful messages.

Personal Stance Against Gender Norms

Why can't we make ads that focus on what the products actually do, not what some sexist ideas want them to be? For me, I'm not going to follow the crowd or do what people think is right. I'm sticking to my own thing. Sure, it's tough to ignore these messages, especially since even my parents have bought into them, but I'll do my best to figure it out for my sake and everyone else's.

Personally, I'm a true food-lover and I want to try nearly every kinds of food and drink in this planet, but the one I'd like to tell you is Italian pizza, which is somehow quiet prevalence. It is one of the most well-known dishes of Italy. With basic ingredients such as dough, cheese, tomato sauce and basil leaves, the dish itself represent the flag of Italian. A basic reason which accounts for my desire to have a try is that I want to know the difference between the homeland's and other variants. I have eaten pizzas from a young age, mostly are American or Vietnamese ones, which are usually low-priced because of their simple manufacture process. I was in love with the Hawaiian pizzas with pineapple, pepperoni and mozzarella on it. However, one day, I bumped into this one video on Tiktok. There were 2 Italian guys giving review to an American pizza in the video. They look like they find the food extremely disgusting. There was another video indicated one of them even pretended to commit suicide when he saw a pizza with pineapple as topping. These Tiktok videos got me curious and questions started to pop up in my head: Why are they acting like that? What are the problems of the pizzas in those videos? Therefore, I'm now still craving to try out a legit Italian pizza, and hopefully there is an opportunity for me to answer my own questions.

___

Personally, I'm a true food-lover and I want to try nearly every kind of food and drink on this planet. The one I'd love to tell you about is Italian pizza, which is quite prevalent. It's one of the most well-known dishes of Italy. With basic ingredients like dough, cheese, tomato sauce, and basil leaves, the dish itself represents the Italian flag.

A basic reason for my desire to give it a try is that I want to know the difference between the authentic Italian version and the other variants I've tried. I've been eating pizza since I was a kid, mostly American or Vietnamese versions, which are usually low-priced because of their simple manufacturing process. I was in love with Hawaiian pizza, with pineapple, pepperoni, and mozzarella.

However, one day, I stumbled upon a video on TikTok. There were two Italian guys reviewing an American pizza. They looked like they found the food extremely disgusting. In another video, one of them even pretended to commit suicide when he saw a pizza with pineapple as a topping. These TikTok videos got me curious, and questions started popping up in my head: Why are they acting like that? What are the problems with the pizzas in those videos?

CHUYỂN Ý GIẬT, THÊM 1, 2 CÂU BÌNH LUẬN THÊM CHO CÂU HỎI VỪA RỒI VÀ LINK ĐẾN VIỆC EM VẪN THÈM PIZZA Ý THẬT

Well, to be honest, those videos might be the only ones that I'm curious about in an extraordinary way.

Now, I'm still craving to try out an authentic Italian pizza. Hopefully, there will be an opportunity for me to answer my own questions and satisfy my curiosity.

This topic reminds me of the case of Blue Origin Enterprises founded by Jeff Bezos. Their New Shephard rocket carried 6 passengers to the edge of the Earth after a technical accident happened 2 years ago. They travelled three times as fast as the speed of sound, reach the height of about 100km above ground. The passengers themselves had the opportunity to experience zero-gravity which gives them an one-of-a-kind feeling and be able to view the earth through the cabin windows. These all experiences sounds like they're from sci-fi movies, but now they are not fictional anymore. I could definitely claim that this is a positive news for the mankind. Aerospace has been upgraded and seen a lot of evolution, which means space-travelling are now no longer far-fetched. However, what I'm really concerned about is the carbon footprint of this industry. As we all know, spaceships use a vast amount of petroleum to launch into space, which results in an extremely alarming amount of exhaust fume. If space-travelling is made publicly accessible, the question about the environmental problems arise from this will literally looming large. And to be honest, I'm not buying the concept of living on other planets!

___

This topic reminds me of Blue Origin Enterprises, founded by Jeff Bezos. Their New Shephard rocket carried six passengers to the edge of space after a technical accident happened two years ago. They traveled three times as fast as the speed of sound, reaching a height of about 100 km above the ground. The passengers had the chance to experience zero gravity, giving them a one-of-a-kind feeling and letting them view Earth through the cabin windows. These experiences sound like they’re straight out of sci-fi movies, but now they’re reality. I can definitely say this is positive news for humankind. Aerospace has seen a lot of evolution, meaning space travel is no longer far-fetched.

However, I am really concerned about the carbon footprint of this industry. As we all know, spaceships use a vast amount of petroleum to launch into space, resulting in an extremely alarming amount of exhaust fumes. If space travel becomes publicly accessible, the environmental problems will loom large. In all honesty, I'm not buying the idea of living on other planets. For the time being, I'd rather we focus on sustainable living here on Earth.

1) Why do some people not like sport?

I believe there are certain accounts for their negative attitude at sport. For some people, sport is just a notion, they don't have any enthusiasm or interest for it. For those who do seem to like sport but don't have an innate talent for it, they may find it discouraging while playing them. One more reason for this phenomenon is that both the interested or uninterested can't have access to the needed facilities or equipment as well as time devote to taking up a sport seriously. At the end of the day, it is either the lack of person passion or access that can explain for people who do not like sport.

2) Why do you think this equipment breaks so easily? (câu này em ko hiểu context ạ) EQUIPMENT TRONG SPORT Ý EM

I believe there are certain reasons for sport equipment's degradation. First of all, it has to do with the intensity of sport activities. As the athletes has to practice regularly and non-stop for hours each day, the equipment can easily wear out and be broken. Another possible reason is that unlike household appliances or other common electronic devices, people don't pay much attention to sport facilities, ignoring their maintenance. However, it also depends on the quality of each piece of equipment that matters.

3) Why do people dress casually in everyday life but dress formally at work?

I believe there are good reasons for wearing formally to work as the way you dress will build up the others' impressions of you. On a daily basis, your clothes don't matter that much as no one is gonna judge you or give you criticism on what you wear, as long as it is not that offensive. However, at workplace, professional is on the top of the must-have list, there are different individuals who give you comments, either positive or negative, on your appearance. Believe me, the high figures in your company can definitely fire you if you wear a pyjama to work. However, some kinds of hybrid pieces of clothing which can be worn in any situations might be an exception although it is not recommended.

How can we promote physical activity among children?

Primarily, it boils down to several ways. First off, it’s all about mixing fun with fitness, like turning exercise into games, so kids feel like they're just having a blast rather than working out. One approach is to combine the activities with entertainment, making the children amused and feel more encouraged with incentives. For example, organizing scavenger hunts or dance-offs can make physical activities way more appealing for the little ones. Additionally, tailor-made tasks might be a great option for those who resist doing physical exercise, so that they can feel a sense of comfort and achievement when they complete all the activities which are made just for them. In Vietnam, schools have started personalized fitness programs that cater to each child’s interests, making them more likely to stick with it. However, with the advent of the Internet and video games, persuading kids to join exercises can run into obstacles, regardless of parents' effort. Despite all this, the lure of video games is strong, and getting kids off the couch requires some clever tactics from parents and educators. Therefore, special treatments for those who are addicted must be brought in. In some cities, like Hanoi, they've even introduced "no screen" days in schools to tackle this issue head-on.

KEY WORDS: mixing fun with fitness; having a blast; personalized fitness programs; getting kids off the couch.

How can we improve access to healthcare for underprivileged populations?

Basically, there are a few ways to go about it. One solid way is to rally big organizations to run campaigns and raise funds to help those in need. One common method is to encourage well-known organizations to run campaigns in a bid to raise funds for those people in need. For example, global NGOs often partner with local groups in Vietnam to ensure the funds reach the right places. Another approach is to propagate the significance of proper healthcare so that the government will provide subsidies for the underprivileged. Spreading the word about the importance of good healthcare can push governments to step up and offer more support. However, the way I see it, the root problem often lies in the population's awareness. Take remote areas in Vietnam, where deep-seated beliefs can sometimes clash with modern medical practices. Unless these mindsets shift, it's tough to get these communities to accept and utilize modern healthcare services. Changing these perceptions is crucial for improving healthcare access.

KEY WORDS: rally big organizations; spreading the word; deep-seated beliefs; modern medical practices.

6. How can we ensure fair play and prevent cheating in sports?

Primarily, it boils down to several ways. Firstly, it’s crucial to lay down the law and make sure everyone knows what’s at stake if they cheat. For instance, a stern talk about the penalties for cheating can go a long way. Tech solutions like VAR in football or anti-cheat systems in esports like CSGO’s VAC can ALSO really help keep things clean. Lastly, Cultivating a strong sense of integrity among athletes is key, making them value fair play over just winning. In Vietnam, for example, young athletes are taught to see beyond just the win and focus on the pride that comes with fair competition.

KEY WORDS: lay down the law; stern talk; tech solutions; cultivating a strong sense of integrity.

As the news tends to be sensational, it is not rare for people to get led by the nose by the press. When they get used to the fake news, they could immediately stick to the the knowledge they earned without hesitation. Over the period, they can be under a negative change in thought and they could be in trouble for that. For instance, when a piece of opposing news about the government of a country is posted, viewers with instant conclusions about the nation based on the news could have adverse thinking. As the government is a sensitive object, the viewers could be refuted if they publicize their thoughts or worse, they can be guilty. In addition, the nation's community network could become toxic if more and more people are exposed to unreliable news.

Solutions should be made so as to confront this rising issue. Checking legit could be mentioned first in this case. By making sure the reliance of online news as well as the source, people can make timely decisions about whether they should believe it or not. As a result, they could maintain the correct perspective in the situation. People should also be aware of sensational titles, especially those with hatred and insult which can probably be up to no good. Moreover, the government should take this issue into real consideration and raise the awareness of people to read news selectively. These ways can somehow contribute to the critical thinking of the mass.

In conclusion, fake news is having serious negative impacts on the society. With the help of self awareness and public's measures, this alarming problems could be handled in the near future.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ 5̳6̳7̳8̳.𝟓𝟎✨ 🖍️ ╚══════nn════════════╝

One of the heated issues today is the unverified news spreading like wildfire on any media. People usually have a tendency to unquestioningly believe what they think is 💥it's (GR) -> is right, 💥this (GR) -> which leads to serious problems in terms of social communication. Therefore, some measures should be taken in order to raise people's awareness.

As the news tends to be sensational, it is not rare for people to 💥get led by the nose (EXP) -> be easily misled by the press. When they 💥get used to the fake news (EXP) -> become accustomed to fake news, they 💥could immediately stick to the the knowledge they earned without hesitation (EXP) -> may unhesitatingly cling to the information they have absorbed. 💥Over the period (EXP) -> Over time, they can 💥be under a negative change in thought (EXP) -> undergo a negative shift in thinking and they could be in trouble for that. For instance, when a piece of opposing news about the government of a country is posted, viewers with instant conclusions about the nation based on the news 💥could have adverse thinking (EXP) -> may develop adverse opinions. As the government is a sensitive 💥object (WC) -> topic, the viewers could be 💥refuted (WC) -> criticized if they publicize their thoughts or worse, they 💥can (GR) -> could be 💥guilty (WC) -> found guilty. In addition, the nation's community network could become toxic if more and more people are exposed to unreliable news.

Solutions should be 💥made (WC) -> implemented so as to confront this rising issue. 💥Checking legit (EXP) -> Verifying the legitimacy of sources could be mentioned first in this case. By 💥making sure the reliance of (EXP) -> ensuring the reliability of online news as well as the source, people can make timely decisions about whether they should believe it or not. As a result, they 💥could (GR) -> can maintain the correct perspective in the situation. People should also be aware of sensational titles, especially those 💥with hatred and insult (EXP) -> that incite hatred and insult which 💥can probably be up to no good (EXP) -> are likely to be harmful. Moreover, the government should take this issue into 💥real (WC) -> serious consideration and raise the awareness of people to read news selectively. These 💥ways(WC) -> measures can somehow contribute to the critical thinking of the mass.

In conclusion, fake news is having serious negative impacts on 💥the (GR) -> society. With the help of self-awareness and public 💥~~'s~~ ***(GR) -> *** measures, this alarming 💥problems (GR) -> problem could be handled in the near future.

A) In recent years, tourists have paid attention to preserving both the culture and environment of the places they visit. However, some people think that it is impossible to be a responsible tourist. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

This issue of the need for environmental protection in tourism is a global concern. While most agree that visitors now have put effort in preserving the sites they visit, others maintain that responsibility does not lie in tourists. Although there might be some challenges when it comes to conserving a culture or environment, I believe that the responsibility largely depends on actions done collectively by everyone.

Advocates of responsible tourism claim that with the rise in awareness of travellers, they can now practice responsibility. With the advent of measures for environmental problems, people have lessened the carbon footprint of tourism. Also, green initiatives such as eco-friendly lodgings or sustainable homestay, which are usually low-priced, render environmental-friendly ways of travelling no longer far-fetched for everyone. Another compelling method for visitors is to respect indigenous cultures. When each individual gains insight into the significance of customs, they will change their attitude towards the object, paying respect to the traditional ceremonies and mingle with the locals. In this light, tourists can contribute to the conservation of places they have been to either directly or indirectly, and propagate the demand for proper acts.

Despite this, many indicate that the strain of preserving tourist attractions should not be shouldered by the people solely. They argue that natural resources have been adversely cultivated by an influx of tourists who visit local sites year after year. We need not look further than the case of Thailand where the beaches are temporarily closed due to severe contamination, or Mount Everest with the pressing littering issue. That is not to mention the inadvertently disrespectful gestures of visitors when entering sacred places, for instance, pagodas or temples. If anything, these lead to negative impact on not only the environment but also the dwellers of the place as well, accidentally posing a sense of malevolence among people.

In conclusion, while many tourists genuinely strive for responsible behavior, the sheer volume and lack of awareness among some can lead to inadvertent adverse consequences. Above all else, it is advisable to balance the respect for local norms with the influx of visitors for the sake of both the tourists and the industry itself.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ 5̳6̳7̳8̳.𝟓𝟎✨ 🖍️ ╚══════nn════════════╝

This issue of the need for environmental protection in tourism is a global concern. While most agree that visitors now have put effort in preserving the sites they visit, others maintain that responsibility does not lie in tourists (GR) -> with tourists. Although there might be some challenges when it comes to conserving a culture or environment (GR) -> culture or the environment, I believe that the responsibility largely depends on actions done collectively by everyone (GR) -> taken collectively by all.

Advocates of responsible tourism claim that with the rise in awareness of travellers (SP) -> travelers, they can now practice responsibility. With the advent of measures for environmental problems, people have lessened (WC) -> reduced the carbon footprint of tourism. Also, green initiatives such as eco-friendly lodgings or sustainable homestay, which are usually low-priced, render environmental-friendly ways of travelling no longer far-fetched for everyone (EXP) -> make environmentally-friendly travel more accessible for everyone. Another compelling method for visitors is to respect indigenous cultures. When each individual gains insight into the significance of customs, they will change their attitude towards the object, paying respect to the traditional ceremonies and mingle with the locals (GR/EXP) -> showing respect for traditional ceremonies and mingling with the locals. In this light, tourists can contribute to the conservation of places they have been to either directly or indirectly, and propagate (WC) -> promote the demand for proper acts.

Despite this, many indicate that the strain of preserving tourist attractions should not be shouldered by the people solely (EXP) -> people alone. They argue that natural resources have been adversely cultivated (WC) -> affected by an influx of tourists who visit local sites year after year. We need not look further than the case of Thailand where the beaches are temporarily closed due to severe contamination, or Mount Everest with the pressing littering issue. That is not to mention the inadvertently disrespectful gestures of visitors when entering sacred places, for instance, pagodas or temples. If anything, these lead to negative impact (GR) -> negative impacts on not only the environment but also the dwellers of the place as well, accidentally posing a sense of malevolence among people (EXP/VC) -> inadvertently creating a sense of hostility among the local population.

In conclusion, while many tourists genuinely strive for responsible behavior, the sheer volume and lack of awareness among some can lead to inadvertent adverse consequences. Above all else, it is advisable to balance the respect for local norms with the influx of visitors for the sake of both the tourists and the industry itself.

Chú ý:
- vẫn sai nhiều GR: giới từ và chia S-V
- EXP: nhiều câu diễn đạt lằng nhằng (travelling no longer far-fetched >> travel more accessible...)
- WC: hay dùng từ ko hợp ngữ cảnh (propagate >> promote)
- inadvertently = vô tình
- hostility 

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🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨

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Well, my name is P, or you can call me Phuong for short. OK. Well, so in the past I was not a big fan of books. I mean, I just, uh, read comics books, uh, in my leisure time, uh, and I also find, uh, novels or literature books quite tedious and I just can't bear it. Well, I do realize the importance of reading books nowadays. So I start to, uh, take up reading as one of my ~habit~ 💥 (wf: "habit" -> "habits"). Well, to be honest, I find concentrating is a difficult task for me. Like I cannot focus on my work, which requires, uh, uh, sitting in the same place and doing, uh, ~a same thing~ 💥 (gr: "a same thing" -> "the same thing") over and over again. Umm, While I do recognize the seriousness of these issues since, uh, it is a big disadvantage when I move to advanced study, so yeah, I. ~We'll try to fix it later~ 💥 (vt: "We'll" -> "will"). Well, the ~definitions ambition~ 💥 (gr: "definitions ambition" -> "definition of ambition") is not that unfamiliar with students now that like everyone's, every ~students~ 💥 (wf: "students" -> "student") has their own dreams and passions, and so do I uh, my ambition is quite simple. I just want to be able to enter my dream college and be able to learn the ~measure~ 💥 (wf: "measure" -> "major") that I favorite, I'm in favor of. For outdoor activities. Well, uh, fried with, uh, frankly speaking, I would say those, uh, those, uh, individuals have to be those who, umm, who ~is~ 💥 (vf: "is" -> "are"), uh, stocked in the, uh, stuck in their houses or office or schools. Uh, they don't have much time to go out. So, uh, doing outdoor activities and ~exports~ 💥 (sp: "exports" -> "sports") or like sports or hang out with different is a way for them to. Let off their ~steams~ 💥 (wf: "steams" -> "steam") and relieve their stress. Well, in the science categories there are about four subjects like math, chemistry, physics ~or and~ 💥 (gr: "or and" -> "and") biology. And among those four I would say I am uh, I am fond of math best like I really enjoy the logical thing, logical way of thinking and the numeracy that math requires. So, and I can do a math homework all day long without getting bored. Umm, and but the ~others subjects~ 💥 (gr: "others subjects" -> "other subjects") are quite good as well. And I'm, I am a science inclined person, so uh, uh, all of them works for me. Well, in this day and age, the ~teamwork, uh, team teamwork~ 💥 (redundant: chỉ cần "teamwork") is a skill that everyone has to, umm, has to master. Uh, I mean, it is really important for uh, advanced study and their, uh, and ~students~ 💥 (gr: "students" -> "students'") future career. Uh, and I have practiced this skill since secondary school. So I find it, uh, I find it, uh, working as a team is not a problem for me. Well, umm, to be honest, umm, I would say that the things which requires to, for which requires me to sit down and, uh, do the same thing over and over again really ~get on my nerve~ 💥 (gr: "get on my nerve" -> "gets on my nerves"). Umm, I mean things such as reading for example, umm, I cannot bear those. I cannot bear the actions of sitting alone and reading a boring ~novel books~ 💥 (redundant: "novel books" -> "novels"). Umm, well, uh, amongst those two, watching a movie, uh, suits me the best. Umm, well, I mean uh, I find uh, watching movies quite entertaining and umm, the opposite is true for reading a book after a long day at work. I just want to let off my ~statement~ 💥 (wc: "statement" -> "steam"), watch something fun, not taking in more knowledge, or else I'm going to be overwhelmed. Well, so basically ~there's, I was told a story~ 💥 (gr: "there's, I was told a story" -> "I was told a story") behind my given name. Like my family members, uh, my grandparents and my parents, uh, were, uh, all, umm, all have their own favorable names and they have to choose one, uh, based on, uh, small competitions. Like they have to write that name on a paper plane and then they throw it the name on the, the name that's on the plane, which, uh, went the furthest is my given name now. Umm. While I cannot guarantee the accuracy of this, uh, story, but. I must say this sounds pretty gripping. Well, I must, I must admit that a bicycle in Vietnam is not as well known as in ~western country~ 💥 (gr: "western country" -> "western countries"), like in Vietnamese, uh, ~transportations~ 💥 (wf: "transportations" -> "transportation") culture. Uh, people often, uh, use their bikes or cars due to the hot and humid weather, so that they, if they don't, just don't want to be exposed to, uh, under the sunlight's, uh. Too long? Uh, well. But when you when you enter a park, you will spot people with their bikes and they just want to practice their health. So it is quite popular but not that. Not that commonly used like in Western countries.

Well, I remember talking to this one guy in a party last year. His name is Minh and he is an overseas student. He started to study abroad in England since highschool, so his mindset is really Western and open-minded. He went back to Vietnam last summer, and we were both invited to our mutual friend's birthday. She threw a party at her house and invited lots of people to celebrate it, and that was when we came across each other. Our friend introduced us to each other and we immediately got on like house on fire as we share the same interests, especially in movies. We both like fantasy movies, and we spent a lot of time discussing about different films. I thought it was a peaceful chat, but unfortunately it wasn't. I mean we talked about this one film which title is "The Great Gatsby". Its ending is of much controversy, everyone has conflicting views about it and so do us. We had an argument and unfortunately couldn't come to an agreement. You won't believe this, when the story was about to come to a dead end, the attendees had to stop us from having a fight! Thankfully, after that we move to another topics and again hit it off right away. To be honest, he's my style of soulmate that I want to have, though we all have different points of view in some categories, but overall he is a suitable person for me to have a chat with.

First Encounter and Immediate Connection

Well, I remember talking to this one guy at a party last year. His name is Minh, and he's an overseas student. He started studying abroad in England during high school, so his mindset is really Western and open-minded. He came back to Vietnam last summer, and we both got invited to our mutual friend's birthday bash. She threw a big party at her place, and that’s where we met. Our friend introduced us, and we immediately got on like a house on fire because we share the same interests, especially in movies. We both dig fantasy films and spent ages chatting about different flicks.

Heated Debate over a Movie

I thought it was a chill conversation, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. We talked about this one movie, "The Great Gatsby." Its ending is super controversial, and everyone has conflicting views about it, including us. We had a heated argument and just couldn’t see eye to eye. CÔ TÒ MÒ KO BIẾT CÃI NHAU VỀ CÁI GÌ??

You won’t believe this, but when things were about to get out of hand, the other attendees had to step in and stop us from actually fighting! Thankfully, after that, we moved on to other topics and hit it off again right away.

A Potential Soulmate

To be honest, he's the kind of soulmate I want to have. Even though we have different opinions on some things, overall, he's a great person to chat with.

Well, so in the Vietnamese culture, uh, uh, the children's are often named after their father, like only the family name 💥 (gr: possessive and plural agreement) -> In Vietnamese culture, children are often named after their father's family name. So in my family, my dad and my brother has 💥 (gr: subject-verb agreement) -> have the same family name as me, which is more, uh 💥 (wc: awkward phrasing) -> but our given names are unique. We all have their, our own different name and. It is not like the others want 💥 (gr: unclear sentence structure) -> our own unique names, different from each other.

Well, so 💥 (wc: filler words) -> When I was a kid, I tend 💥 (t: past tense) -> tended to see the world really positively. I could do anything and start to like it immediately. So I would say I loved everything that I 've, uh, that I did in that period of time 💥 (wc: unnecessary) -> did during that time. Although there were some, some 💥 (wc: repetition) -> some things that really upset me, I think it doesn't matter.

Well so frankly speaking, 💥 (wc: filler words) -> I love to stay alone. Like 💥 (wc: unnecessary filler word) -> However, now I'm still a student and I do not have my own house. But who knows, like 💥 (wc: unnecessary filler word) -> in the future I might be able to purchase my own property and then have my single 💥 (wc: redundant) -> happy single life.

Well, so 💥 (wc: filler words) -> I remember meeting this one guy at a party last year. His name is Ming and he's an overseas student , uh, while he started to study abroad since high school 💥 (gr: awkward phrasing) -> who has been studying abroad since high school. So his mindset is really western I suppose and is uh 💥 (wc: redundant) -> also open-minded. We were both invited to our mutual friend's birthday party, like she invited us and a lot of other persons 💥 (wc: repetitive and awkward phrasing) -> along with many others. Uh, to their, uh, to her house to celebrate, uh, this party 💥 (wc: unnecessary) -> to her house to celebrate. And that's when we came across each other. Our friend introduced us to each other 💥 (wc: repetitive) -> and we immediately got on lake house on like a house on fire 💥 (idiom: correction needed) -> like a house on fire since we shared the same interest, especially in movies. Uh, well, so we all love fantasy movies and we did spend a lot of time discussing about different kinds of themes that were on air at that moment. Uh, and different kinds of movies. As well so we. 💥 (wc: repetitive and lengthy) -> We both love fantasy movies and spent a lot of time discussing various themes and films that were popular at the time.

Discuss about this one film called The Great Gatsby uh, its ending is of much controversy and everyone has conflicting views about it uh, and so do us 💥 (gr: repetition and awkward phrasing) -> We discussed a film called The Great Gatsby. Its ending is quite controversial, and everyone has different views about it, including us. We had an argument about this and could not come to an agreement. uh, you won't believe this, but uh, the attendees of the party has to stop us from. Had to stop from having a fight with each other. A 💥 (gr: punctuation and phrasing) -> You won't believe it, but the attendees of the party had to stop us from fighting.

Well, so after all, 💥 (wc: filler words) -> After all, he is still the type of soulmate that I love to have. Though we have different points of view, I suppose. But umm, overall 💥 (wc: unnecessary) -> he is a good friend and a good listener. So, it was really nice to talk to him.

Well, so people came. Well, 💥 (wc: filler words and repetition) -> I believe there are several circumstances where people can meet new individuals. For example, they can meet new people through a mutual friend, during training sessions, through dating apps, or even at work or school. It just depends on the individual and their social preferences and environment.

Well, so people make a meet new individuals in certain settings. Uh, I think this will based on their lifestyle, uh, some common places. Or school, at school or their workplace, uh through dating applications or in for or for some people it might be uh in pubs or uh clubs. 💥 (wc: repetition and awkward phrasing) -> People often meet new individuals in specific settings based on their lifestyle. Common places include school, the workplace, dating apps, pubs, or clubs.

Well, so 💥 (wc: filler words) -> As a Vietnamese, I believe that there might be some difficulties for foreigners in communicating with local people due to the language barrier. However, many people in Vietnam are now more open and eager to learn another language, especially English. So it won't be a difficult experience speaking with them.

Well, I have to say that both are equally significant to me. Uh, while my family takes, uh, my family in my heart takes the flight first place. Like, friends may come and go, right? You know, but I know that my family will always be, uh, by my side and support whatever I do in the future. Umm, However, my friends are the ones that I want to confide with. Like there are things that I cannot tell my family, especially my mom's. So I would share and discuss things with them. Uh, so yeah, it really depends on the people and their family background, but for me they are both important. 💥 (wc: repetition, filler words, and awkward phrasing, NÓI CHUNG LÀ ctl lủng ủng) -> Both my family and friends are equally significant to me. While my family holds the first place in my heart, friends may come and go, but I know my family will always support me. However, there are things I cannot share with my family, especially my mom, so I confide in my friends. It really depends on individual circumstances and family backgrounds, but for me, both are important.

This topic reminds me of the song named Ghen Co Vy, sang by Min and Erik, composed by Khac Hung. All of them are talented artists of Vietnam. This song dated back to 2020, in the early period of the COVID-19 pandemic. Few people in my country were awared of the seriousness of this contagious virus, and even fewer knew how to protect themselves from the virus and prevent it from spreading. That's why this song came out. It is actually a parody inspired by an old trending song of the singers named Ghen. After being released, it was embraced by all the Vietnamese people, from the young children to the elderly, all listened to this song over and over again. A dancer even choreographed this song and the dance was spreaded even further. In primary schools, they even taught the children this choreography during breaktime! Unbelievable, right? This song's music video on YouTube has reached over a million views. What a number! This song intensively raised people's awareness and contributed to the effort against the epidemic, meanwhile boosted a sense of patriotism. This case tells me that with the slogan "Unity is strength", Vietnamese people can easily collectively overcome any hardships in life.

First Idea: The Impact of "Ghen Co Vy"

This topic takes me back to the song "Ghen Co Vy," performed by Min and Erik and composed by Khac Hung. All of them are talented Vietnamese artists. This song dates back to 2020, right when COVID-19 was just starting to spread. At that time, not many people in Vietnam were aware of how serious this virus was or knew how to protect themselves and others. That's where this song stepped in. It's a parody inspired by an older hit song called "Ghen" by the same singers.

Second Idea: The Reach and Influence of the Song

Once "Ghen Co Vy" was released, it was a hit. Everyone, from young kids to the elderly, couldn’t get enough of it. A dancer even came up with choreography for the song, which spread even more. Imagine this: in primary schools, kids were learning this dance during their breaks! Unbelievable, right? The music video on YouTube has over a million views now. It’s a staggering number! This song really helped raise awareness about the virus and how to stay safe while also boosting a sense of patriotism.

Third Idea: The Broader Impact and Collective Strength

This song did more than just entertain. It played a huge role in educating people and rallying them together in the fight against the pandemic. It made me realize how powerful unity can be. With the slogan "Unity is strength," the Vietnamese people showed that they could collectively overcome any hardships.

___

Frankly speaking, I do have my own motorbike → have my own bike, so I rarely use public transport → hardly ever take public transport, but I'll tell you about a time I use a Hanoi bus → took a bus in Hanoi. As I recall, my motorbike was broken → busted that day and my dad tried to fix it before school, but it didn't work out. So, I had to take the bus to school instead, and that was the first time I travelled → rode by bus on my own. I thought it was gonna be a quick and normal bus → just gonna be a quick, normal bus ride because my school is not that far from my house, but it wasn't.

About 10 minutes after I got on the bus, I tried to take a quick nap as it's so early in the morning → it was really early, and then I noticed an old woman got on → get on. I didn't care much and continued my nap, then I suddenly heard a conversation. Actually, that old lady I had noticed recently → before was having an argument with a man next to her. Well, the faces of other people on the bus turned red since those two people disturbed their nap → Other people on the bus were annoyed because the argument woke them up. However, the opposite was true for me. Though it might sound crazy, I love watching others argue → find it kinda fun to watch arguments. I just love the feeling of watching a scene that might frequently appear on the Internet, but only occasionally in real life.

I enjoyed the scene on the bus so much that I was totally awake, and at some point, I unintentionally smiled under my mask. Unfortunately, this joy didn't last so long → too long, because the bus driver asked this couple to get off the bus at the next stop, so it was the end of that entertaining scene → bit of fun. Then the bus arrived at my stop, and I continued my day with a joyful kickstart → big grin.

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Given the significance of a stable economic status, more and more countries are focusing on developing the economy to improve people's living standard. While it is a common assumption that that this could result in a lost in social values and cultures, I believe the long term benefits of investing in the economy far outweigh the initial costs.

Hardly anyone can deny that economic development goes hand in hand with improved life standards. When people have gained a certain economic status, they tend to vest money in their mental and physical well-being. This is particularly true in developed countries such as the United States or Great Britain, where people are mostly middle-class and they have the ability to spend time and effort to improve their health by exercising regularly. While many argue that if financial improvement is prioritized, other social values will be gradually diminished, this argument is far from convincing as money plays a key role in supporting the evolution of the countries' cultures and values. Without being subsidised a decent amount of money, these categories will eventually cannot develop thoroughly.

Although economic development plays an important role in fostering the improvements of cultures and other social values, it will take a considerable amount of time to make this happen. However, there are definitely other alarming problems to address. While children in developed countries are entitled to a well-rounded education and proper healthcare, those underprivileged are still facing pressing issues in their daily life, such as inadequate food source or widespread epidemics. In such case, few will dispute that the government to invest in leisure values. If anything, countries should only focus on cultures and social values once other urgent concerns are fully addressed.

In conclusion, given that people are in need of a better standard of living, it is reasonable for governments to pay full intention to economic development. Although other values might come across some disadvantages, they will be taken into account once other serious problems have been resolved.

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🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ 6̳.𝟓𝟎✨ 🖍️ ╚══════nn════════════╝

Given the significance of a stable economic status, more and more countries are focusing on developing the economy to improve people's living standard~.~ (GR: living standards). While it is a common assumption that that this could result in a lost in social values and cultures (EXP: this could lead to a loss of social values and cultural heritage), I believe the long-term benefits of investing in the economy far outweigh the initial costs.

Hardly anyone can deny that economic development goes hand in hand with improved life standards. When people have gained a certain economic status, they tend to vest (VC: "invest") money in their mental and physical well-being. This is particularly true in developed countries such as the United States or Great Britain, where people are mostly middle-class and they have the ability to spend time and effort to improve their health by exercising regularly. While many argue that if financial improvement is prioritized, other social values will be gradually diminished, this argument is far from convincing as money plays a key role in supporting the evolution of the countries' cultures and values. Without being subsidised a decent amount of money (GR: adequately funded), these categories will eventually cannot develop thoroughly (GR: incorrect structure, replace with "will eventually fail to develop fully").

Although economic development plays an important role in fostering the improvements of cultures and other social values, it will take a considerable amount of time to make this happen. However, there are definitely other alarming problems to address. While children in developed countries are entitled to a well-rounded education and proper healthcare, those underprivileged are still facing pressing issues in their daily life, such as inadequate food sourceS or widespread epidemics. In such case (GR: cases), few will dispute that the government to invest in leisure values (GR: should invest in leisure values). If anything, countries should only focus on cultures and social values once other urgent concerns are fully addressed.

In conclusion, given that people are in need of a better standard of living, it is reasonable for governments to pay full intention (WC: attention) to economic development. Although other values might come across some disadvantages (EXP: unclear, replace with "face some drawbacks"), they will be taken into account once other serious problems have been resolved.

Chú ý:
- chủ yếu là EXPression, nhiều cụm ko rõ ý
- a loss of sth NOT a lost in

This topic reminds me of Hoa Lo prison, the most famous building in Hanoi so far. This prison was build when Vietnam was still a part of Indochina and was run by the French to imprison communist of Vietnam. It is now open for both domestic or foreign visitors with a low entrance fee. When the people visit this building, they can go through different levels of imprisonment that were available, from the lightest to the most severe punishment. There are also statues of the prisoner illustrating the exhausted and weak body of them. Visitors can also pay for a digital story telling experience when they are provided with an MP3 and a headphone. With the on-topic background music and the inspirational voice of the narrator, people can deeply understand what the patriotic prisoners gone through in the past. Therefore, this somehow fosters a sense of patriotism in the Vietnamese who have ever been to Hoa Lo. Moreover, located in Hoan Kiem, the most bustle district of Hanoi, Hoa Lo prison is not only a historical building but also a precious cultural and educational value of Hanoi and Vietnam at large.

Historical Background

This topic reminds me of Hoa Lo prison, the most famous building in Hanoi so far. This prison was built when Vietnam was still part of Indochina and was run by the French to imprison Vietnamese communists. Now, it is open for both domestic and foreign visitors with a low entrance fee. When people visit this building, they can go through different levels of imprisonment that were available, from the lightest to the most severe punishment.

Visitor Experience

Visitors can see statues of prisoners illustrating their exhausted and weak bodies. They can also pay for a digital storytelling experience, where they are provided with an MP3 and headphones. With on-topic background music and the inspirational voice of the narrator, people can deeply understand what the patriotic prisoners went through in the past.

Cultural Significance

This somehow fosters a sense of patriotism in the Vietnamese who have ever been to Hoa Lo. Moreover, located in Hoan Kiem, the busiest district of Hanoi, Hoa Lo prison is not only a historical building but also a precious cultural and educational asset of Hanoi and Vietnam at large.

In a nutshell, visiting Hoa Lo prison offers a glimpse into the harsh realities faced by Vietnamese patriots and a deep sense of appreciation for the nation's history and cultural heritage.

This topic reminds me of a shopping mall in Hanoi called Trang Tien plaza. It was rebuilt from an old market building in the past and is now under the administration of Vingroup, one of the largest companies in Vietnam. Frankly speaking, I rarely go into this mall just because this place is so luxurious. Right at the moment when you go inside, you will be immediately bombarded with hundreds of international luxury brand, like Gucci, Chanel, Louis Vuitton..., which a middle-class person can barely purchase anything from them. Even the interior of the mall give you a sense of royalty with an ancient Western style decorated with some touch of gold, it is truely a palace. I have visited this place quite a few time when I followed my mom to Hoan Kiem lake to take a stroll. We are all shopaholics and my mom can buy a lot of stuff, as long as they are reasonable-priced. However, when we go to this mall, all we do is just window-shopping. The funny thing is we kinda feel a sense of embarrassment when enter any booth. There were one time me and my mom entered a fashion brand, I cannot remember exactly, but it is also a luxury brand. There were also two more customers and I made a guess that they were mom and daughter as well. The thing is when I noticed their appearance, I started to feel so embarrassed since they are where luxurious clothes from head to toes, and we just where our basic daily clothes. What a contrast! I told my mom to quickly go out and since then I've never entered this mall once again.

•────────•°𓆩☀️𓆪°•────────•

This topic reminds me of Trang Tien Plaza, a shopping mall in Hanoi. It was rebuilt from an old market and is now run by Vingroup, one of Vietnam's biggest companies. To be honest, I rarely go in because it’s so luxurious. Right when you step inside, you're hit with hundreds of international luxury brands like Gucci, Chanel, and Louis Vuitton. A middle-class person can barely afford anything there. Even the interior screams royalty, with its ancient Western style and touches of gold—it’s truly like a palace.

Window Shopping Adventures

I’ve visited a few times when I tagged along with my mom to Hoan Kiem Lake for a stroll. We’re both shopaholics, but only when things are reasonably priced. However, in this mall, all we do is window-shop. It's funny because we feel a bit embarrassed just walking around. One time, we entered a luxury fashion store. There were two other customers, who looked like a mother and daughter. They were dressed head-to-toe in designer clothes, while we were in our everyday outfits. The contrast was glaring, and I told my mom to leave quickly. Since then, I’ve never gone back.

In all honesty, it’s a bit of a moral panic for me. The experience made me feel like I didn't belong there.

• Generally speaking, I do think that...

• Having said that,...

• However, it's impossible to say...

• It's quite likely that...

• There's no doubt in my mind that...

• It's time to prioritise...-

-> C1: Trả lời câu hỏi

-> C2: Thêm ý trái ngược (but/however)

-> C3: Chốt câu trả lời (trong đầu tôi nghĩ là...)

2. Description (what kind, what type)

• Generally speaking, I do think that...

• There's no doubt in my mind that...

• It's quite likely that...

• I truely believe that...

• It's wise to...

• ... is/are also important factor

• We might even see...

• We're going to need to consider...

• It's time to...

• It's the case that...

• I'm not sure if...

• Well, in the old days, people used to..., but now...

-> C1: (Factor 1) chắc chắn là quan trọng nhất

-> C2: Tôi nghĩ là (Factor 2)

-> C3: Tôi tin rằng (Factor 3)

-> C4: Chốt câu

3. Compare-contrast (better, differences, past-now, or)

• You'll notice that there are many differences between...

• It's the case that + SV

• Providing SV, you might...

• Having said that, there will be some...

-> C1: Có nhiều điểm khác

-> C2: Trường hợp là (khác 1)

-> C3: Miễn là SV, (khác 2)

-> C4: (Khác 3 nhưng mà theo hướng trái ngược)

• There are many reasons why...

• It could be said that there are several reasons why...

• One of the main factors is...

• Another possible reason is...

• It could be said that...

• It's the case that...

• It's quite likely that...

• That being said...

• No one really knows if there is a unniversal reason why..., as...

• We're going to need a list to cover all the possible..., but some of the most popular ones are + liệt kê

• I would most definitely say that for many people,...

• Well, in the old days, people used to..., but now...

• Unless...,...

-> C1: Có một số lý do why...

-> C2+3: Có thể là + lý do

-> C4: Bình luận về lý do

5. Effect

• Generally speaking, it's bound to happen as...

• That being said, the effects of... depend on...

• It's the case that...

• To be honest, it probably won't bother you too much if..., but for.../there's no doubt in my mind that it can be a challenge for...

• One possibility that I can foresee is that...

-> C1: Vấn đề xảy ra vì...

-> C2+3: Nó khiến... (ảnh hưởng)

-> C4: Bình luận là nó ko ảnh hưởng với mình nhưng ng khác thì có

6. Advantages-Disadvantages

• It could be said that..., especially...

• There is a good chance that...

• It's impossible to say if/whether...

• I don't really know if..., as there are many factors to consider

• It's time to think about...

-> C1: Có thể nói là (hại 1)

-> C2: Có thể nói là (hại 2)

-> C3: Ko biết là có nên (vấn đề) ko, tại có nhiều nhân tố cần nghĩ

-> C4: Cần suy nghĩ kĩ là...

• It's impossible to say if there will be ...

• But it's quite likely that we will see

• Having said that, it really depends on

• Generally speaking, we're likely to see

• As soon as ..., we'll likely see...

• It's impossible to predict, but there's a chance that...

• In all likelihood, we can expect...

• There is a very real possibility that

• Given the current trends, it seems probable that...

• Looking ahead, we may witness...

• If everything goes as planned, we should see...

• It's a safe bet that...

• Unless something unexpected happens, we'll probably...

• Judging by past experiences, we're bound to...

• Assuming no major obstacles arise, we're on track to...

• With any luck, we'll be able to...

• If things fall into place, we're likely to...

• Barring any unforeseen circumstances, we anticipate...

• Based on ..., it's reasonable to assume that...

-> C1: Bình luận về câu hỏi (Không chắc, hồi xưa...bây giờ..., chắc chắn là...)

-> C2+3+4: Có thể là + liệt kê

-> C5: Đánh giá - nếu được thì ta sẽ thấy...

Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

Topic: Changing Food Traditions

The issue of changing food traditions is a global concern, and much discussion has been rightly devoted to understanding the root causes of this problem. This essay will delve into the reasons why these conventional ways are alternating, and argue that despite certain benefits, this upcoming eating trend may be misguided.

The rise of changing eating habit can be mainly attributed to urbanization and globalization in modern world. Hardly anyone can deny that they can now approach to a variety of foods from all over the world. They are likely to try various dishes from the mix, and of course can favour one over the others. We need not look further than the case of those city-dwellers in large cities such as New York or Tokyo, these cities offer a diversity of food options around the globe, giving people access to different food cultures of the world. This change is further enhanced by the hectic lifestyles of individuals. Since many working professionals are snowed under a huge workload, convenient meals and fast food are the best option for them in order to not interrupt their working flow.

In a positive light, this food tradition change has fueled culinary diversity, if not to say enhanced food technology advances. This allows individuals to be exposed to several cuisines which broadens their cultural understanding and knowledge in food industries. Nowhere is more evident than the case of international food festivals held in metropolitans which undoubtedly promotes not only different kinds of food but also cultural exchange. At a more macroeconomic level, this change in eating habit inevitably boost advances in food technology, foster greater sense of safety and eventually increase the amount of nutrition a person takes in. In the absence of these innovations, the world would end up facing a food crisis and people can come across various nutritional diseases.

However, these innovations comes with its share of problems, with affected individuals might have to confront loss of cultural identity. When people have a tendency to change their traditional diet into foreigner's, more and more cuisines and specialties will unexpectedly disappear, taking a toll on cultural heritage. Lower food quality is an added concern to the mix. Looking at countries with great ethnic diversity like the US or UK, despite the valuable specialty dishes each ethnicity has, people gravitate more towards convenient processed food which lacks an adequate amount of essential nutrients for an adult. Additionally, those food are often high in calories, cholesterol, additives and conservatives, resulting in high obesity and diabetes rates for loyal consumers. Even if some may argue that this trend can help save time and effort for diligent workers, the fact that it can deprive them of the crucial nutrition and energy that should be spent on their daily routine.

In conclusion, although there are clear benefits to the change in food traditions and customs in these days, it is also important to recognize the potential drawbacks. Individuals can decide how and what they eat everyday as long as they know how to balance the diversity and convenience the change offers with the preservation of cultural heritage and a focus on healthy eating.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

The issue of changing food traditions is a global concern, and much discussion has been rightly devoted to understanding the root causes of this problem. This essay will delve into the reasons why these conventional ways are alternating, and argue that despite certain benefits, this upcoming eating trend may be misguided.

The rise of changing eating habits can be mainly attributed to urbanization and globalization in the modern world. Hardly anyone can deny that they can now 💥approach to access (wf: "access" không đi kèm với "to") a variety of foods from all over the world. They are likely to try various dishes from the mix, and of course 💥can favour favor (wc) one over the others. We need not look further than the case of those city-dwellers in large cities such as New York or Tokyo; these cities offer a diversity of food options around the globe, giving people access to different food cultures of the world. This change is further enhanced by the hectic lifestyles of individuals. Since many working professionals are snowed under a huge workload, convenient meals and fast food are 💥the their (exp) best option for them in order to not interrupt their working flow.

In a positive light, this food tradition change has fueled culinary diversity, if not to say enhanced 💥food technology advances advances in food technology (gr: word order). This allows individuals to be exposed to several cuisines which broadens their cultural understanding and knowledge in the food industries. 💥Nowhere is more evident than the case of international food festivals held in metropolitans which undoubtedly promotes not only different kinds of food but also cultural exchange This is evident in international food festivals held in metropolises, which promote not only diverse kinds of food but also cultural exchange (vc). At a more macroeconomic level, this change in 💥eating habit eating habits (số nhiều) inevitably 💥boost boosts (s-v) advances in food technology, fosters a greater sense of safety and eventually increases the amount of nutrition a person takes in. In the absence of these innovations, the world would end up facing a food crisis and people would 💥can (vc) come across various nutritional diseases.

However, these innovations 💥comes come (s-v) with their share of problems, with affected individuals having 💥might have (gr: câu không cần “might have” vì "having" hợp ngữ cảnh) to confront 💥loss the loss (exp) of cultural identity. When people have a tendency to change their traditional diet 💥into to (exp) 💥foreigner's foreigners’ (possessive), more and more cuisines and specialties will unexpectedly disappear, taking a toll on cultural heritage. Lower food quality is an added concern to the mix. Looking at countries with great ethnic diversity like the US or UK, despite the valuable specialty dishes each ethnicity has, people gravitate more towards convenient processed food which lacks an adequate amount of essential nutrients for an adult. Additionally, 💥those food this food (gr) 💥are is (s-v) often high in calories, cholesterol, additives and 💥conservatives preservatives (sp), resulting in high obesity and diabetes rates for loyal consumers. Even if some may argue that this trend can help save time and effort for diligent workers, the fact 💥that it can deprive them remains that it deprives them (vc) of the crucial nutrition and energy that should be spent on their daily routine.

In conclusion, although there are clear benefits to the change in food traditions and customs today, it is also important to recognize the potential drawbacks. Individuals can decide how and what they eat everyday as long as they know how to balance the diversity and convenience the change offers with the preservation of cultural heritage and a focus on healthy eating.

Other feedback:

▪︎ Consistency and Logic: Em cần phân chia đoạn văn rõ ràng hơn, mỗi đoạn nên tập trung vào một ý chính để tránh rối ý. Ở đoạn nói về sự thay đổi tích cực, em nên liệt kê và giải thích từng lợi ích cụ thể hơn thay vì gom chung vào một câu dài. Ví dụ: "The culinary diversity introduced by this trend has enriched people's daily menus and exposed them to a variety of tastes and preparation methods."

▪︎ Repetition: Em tránh lặp lại ý tưởng "food technology advances" quá nhiều lần bằng cách thay đổi cách diễn đạt. Thay vì: "boosts advances in food technology", em có thể viết: "propels technological innovations in food processing".

▪︎ Collocation: Em có thể dùng các cụm từ chính xác hơn như "access a variety of foods" thay vì "approach to a variety of foods" hoặc "foreign cuisines" thay vì "foreigner's cuisines"

▪︎ Cultural Sensitivity: Đừng nên khẳng định rằng thực phẩm từ các nền văn hóa khác làm mất đi giá trị dinh dưỡng mà không có bằng chứng cụ thể. Ví dụ, em có thể nói: "While some international dishes may seem less nutritious, it is important to evaluate each cuisine based on its ingredients and preparation methods."

▪︎ Văn vẻ lên: Em có thể sử dụng châm biếm nhẹ nhàng để làm bài viết thú vị hơn. Ví dụ: "If we continue to favor fast food over our traditional meals, we might soon find ourselves reminiscing about the 'good old days' when meals were both delicious and nutritious."

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌ └────────────────────

Chú ý: 
- dùng word choice ko ổn, ko hợp ngữ cảnh
- rất hay quên chia động từ!!
- ngữ pháp ổn hơn mấy bài khác

food technology advances => boosts advances in food technology = propels technological innovations in food processing

Some people say that having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Money vs. Free Time

Given the significance of money and leisure time in adulthood, it is become necessary to ask whether or not we should prioritise money over time for ourselves. While there seen to be a strong case for prefering lower income with better quality time, I believe that it is anything but wise to do so since this lifestyle deprives one of resources that should be spent on their basic needs.

One of my arguments is encapsulated in the saying: "You can not achieve happiness without adequate economic status." Hardly anyone can deny that high income provides better life quality and security for individuals. This is particularly true in developed countries like Switzerland or Germany where the average living standards are high while the opposite is true for other developing areas. Another supporting reason for prioritising money is that there is a higher rate of career opportunities offered for those with high economic status. While many argue that people can easily earn a high-paid job without many assets as long as they are excellent at their field, this argument is far from convincing as in general more money irrefutably means better career prospects and growth. In other words, money acts as a medium for success in life.

Admittedly, in many respects, having more free time means more quality time will be spent on our family members which fosters a sense of connection with our dearest and also enhances our both physical and mental well-being. Nevertheless, an individual cannot comfortably spend time and effort for their family if he doesn't have a stable status at work. That is not to mention the hardships people would come across when they are not financially stable such as limited food, less safety, less promotion in life, let alone the negative impacts on loved ones. Even if people can still pull through despite low income, the reality is that they can hardly enjoy anything in life properly and with pleasure.

In conclusion, given the importance of economic status, it is reasonable to apply ourselves into our career in early stage of life. By doing so, we can somehow improve living standards in our later life.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ══════nn════════════

💥Given the significance of money and leisure time in adulthood, it is become it has become necessary to ask whether or not we should prioritise money over time for ourselves. While there 💥seen seems (sp: "seen" là sai chính tả, "seems" mới đúng) to be a strong case for 💥prefering preferring (sp) lower income with better quality time, I believe that it is anything but wise to do so since this lifestyle deprives one of resources that 💥should be spent on are needed for (wc: "should be spent on" không tự nhiên) their basic needs.

One of my arguments is encapsulated in the saying: "You 💥can not cannot (sp) achieve happiness without adequate economic status." Hardly anyone can deny that high income provides better 💥life quality quality of life and security for individuals. This is particularly true in developed countries like Switzerland or Germany where the average living standards are high while the opposite is true for 💥other developing areas developing countries . Another supporting reason for prioritising money is that there is a higher rate of career opportunities 💥offered for available to (wc) those with high economic status. While many argue that people can easily earn a 💥high-paid high-paying job without many assets as long as they are excellent at 💥their field their fields , this argument is far from convincing as in general more money 💥irrefutably means undeniably means (vc: "irrefutably" mạnh quá, "undeniably" hợp lý hơn) better career prospects and growth. In other words, money acts as a 💥medium for success in life catalyst for success.

Admittedly, in many respects, having more free time means more quality time will be spent 💥on our family members which fosters a sense of connection with our dearest and also enhances our both physical and mental well-being with our family members, fostering a sense of connection with our loved ones and enhancing both our physical and mental well-being (vc: câu gốc dài và lủng củng, câu sửa ngắn gọn và dễ hiểu hơn). Nevertheless, an individual cannot comfortably spend time and effort 💥for their family if he doesn't have a stable status at work with their family if they do not have stable employment (wc: "status" không phù hợp, "employment" hợp lý hơn). That is not to mention the hardships people would 💥come across when they are not financially stable such as limited food, less safety, less promotion in life, let alone the negative impacts on loved ones face when they are not financially stable, such as limited food, less safety, fewer opportunities for advancement, and negative impacts on loved ones. Even if people can still 💥pull through despite low income, the reality is that they can hardly enjoy anything in life properly and with pleasure manage despite low income, the reality is that they can hardly enjoy life properly and with pleasure (vc: câu dài và lủng củng, câu sửa ngắn gọn và rõ ràng hơn).

In conclusion, given the importance of economic status, it is reasonable to 💥apply ourselves into our career in early stage of life invest in our careers early in life . By doing so, we can 💥somehow improve living standards in our later life improve our living standards later in life.

Other feedback:

▪︎ Consistency and Logic: Em cần làm rõ hơn luận điểm và hỗ trợ chúng bằng các ví dụ cụ thể. Ở đoạn thứ nhất, em nên nhấn mạnh tầm quan trọng của tiền bạc bằng cách đưa ra các tình huống thực tế hoặc thống kê. Ví dụ: "In developed nations, higher incomes are directly linked to better access to healthcare and education, which are essential for a high quality of life."

▪︎ Repetition and Collocation: Em tránh lặp lại quá nhiều từ "money" và "income". Thay vì dùng "money" liên tục, em có thể sử dụng các từ như "financial resources" hoặc "economic means" để văn phong phong phú hơn. Ví dụ: "Securing adequate financial resources ensures that individuals can meet their basic needs and more."

▪︎ Ideas and Cultural Sensitivity: Đừng chỉ tập trung vào sự khác biệt giữa các quốc gia phát triển và đang phát triển mà không đề cập đến những yếu tố văn hóa khác ảnh hưởng đến quan điểm về tiền bạc và thời gian. Ví dụ, em có thể viết: "Cultural values also play a significant role in how people prioritize money and leisure time. In some cultures, work-life balance is highly valued, while in others, economic success is paramount."

▪︎ Attitudinal language: Em có thể thêm thái độ tích cực hoặc tiêu cực rõ ràng hơn để tạo ra sức nặng cho luận điểm của mình. Ví dụ: "Neglecting financial stability can lead to severe consequences, including stress and a lower quality of life."

▪︎ Văn vẻ lên: Em có thể sử dụng châm biếm hoặc ẩn dụ để làm cho bài viết thú vị hơn. Ví dụ, "Chasing money without regard for leisure is like running on a treadmill – you expend a lot of energy but never truly move forward."

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

CHÚ Ý:
- Lỗi nghiêm trọng: Diễn đạt rất lủng củng, ko phù hợp

money => financial resources = economic means

Regarding glass containers, paper and cardboard, it is clear that these materials has been recycled since 1982, earliest among these four. There were initially 50% of the glass containers made recycled. The portion gradually fell by 10% in the next 8 years, reaching 40%, but since then, the rate surged to roughly 60% in 2010. Likewise, the figure for paper and cardboard being recycled observed an increase of approximately 15%, reaching its peak of 80% before slipped to a mere 70% in 2010.

Started to be recycled in 1986 and 1990 respectively, aluminium cans and plastics both saw an upward trend throughout the period. There were initially about 2-3% of plastics made recycled, then the data minimally climbed to nearly 10% in a 20-year period. Aluminium cans, meanwhile, were more preferable since they went up from about 5% to around 45% over the following 24 years.

_____

The provided line graph depicts the proportion of four types of 💥recycleable recyclable (sp) products of a nation over a span of 28 years. Overall, all kinds of materials recorded a 💥rising recycle trend rising recycling trend (coll: "recycling trend" is more natural) despite some declines, with the most notable being 💥aluminium cans witnessed the most dramatic increase the most dramatic increase witnessed in aluminium cans (gr: misplaced modifier) in the percentage being recycled.

Regarding glass containers, paper, and cardboard, it is clear that these materials 💥has have (gr: subject-verb agreement) been recycled since 1982, earliest among these four. 💥There were initially 50% of the glass containers made recycled. Initially, 50% of the glass containers were recycled (vc: unnatural phrasing). The 💥portion percentage (wc: "percentage" is more precise) gradually fell by 10% in the next 8 years, reaching 40%, but since then, the rate surged to roughly 60% in 2010. Likewise, the 💥figure rate (wc: "rate" fits better with recycling context) for paper and cardboard being recycled observed an increase of approximately 15%, reaching its peak of 80% before 💥slipped slipping (gr: parallel structure) to a mere 70% in 2010.

💥Started to be recycled Starting to be recycled (gr: consistent verb tense) in 1986 and 1990 respectively, aluminium cans and plastics both saw an upward trend throughout the period. 💥There were initially about 2-3% of plastics made recycled Initially, about 2-3% of plastics were recycled (vc: unnatural phrasing), then the 💥data percentage (wc: "percentage" is more precise) minimally climbed to nearly 10% in a 20-year period. Aluminium cans, meanwhile, were more 💥preferable popular (wc: "popular" is more accurate) since they went up from about 5% to around 45% over the following 24 years.

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Addressing Obesity through Physical Education

mở:

• béo phì là vấn nạn toàn cầu, không chỉ ở mỗi người lớn,

• nhiều người bảo ko nên tập td để giảm béo vì nó tốn thời gian cho cái khác, nhưng tôi nghĩ tập là cách nhanh và lành mạnh nhất để cải thiện health

thân (tuyến tính)

• ý tôi ủng hộ là vì tập td rất có lợi cho sức khỏe cả thể chất và tinh thần

• bằng cách tập thể dục, mình ko chỉ có thể giảm mỡ giảm cân, lấy lại dáng, mà nó còn là lúc mình giải lao sau giờ làm

• điều này evident ở các nước có robust PE programs như Finland, nơi mà có tỉ lệ béo vô cùng thấp, và độ hài lòng cs cao

• PE rất crucial, nếu thiếu, curriculum thiếu toàn diện và sẽ detrimental to sự phát triển của trẻ

thân (chẻ)

• tuy nhiên, critics bảo là phải có nhiều bp khác nhau để hết béo, chứ ko chỉ mỗi tập

• Một số suggestion có thể là thay đổi chế độ ăn, cùng với đó là trợ giúp về y tế

• nhưng cái này ko thành công phủ nhận đc sự hiệu quả và quan trọng của PE vì phải thay đổi từ bản thân

• nếu ăn ít mà ko tập, ngồi một chỗ thì thể nào đến một lúc sẽ thành công cốc vì thời gian đầu sẽ thèm ăn, mà ăn thì lại béo lại

• miễn là cải thiện nhận thức và kỉ luật tốt, chúng ta sẽ có thể nâng cao skhoe bằng PE thôi

Obesity has been a growing global concern, and it is no longer the case of adults alone, but it also extends to the children, so measures must be introduced. While it is a common assumption that doing exercise is not recommended since it could deprive one of time that is needed for other daily activities, however I maintain that this is the most effective way to improve our health and should be instilled in school curriculum.

My practical argument in support of PE programs has to do with its tremendous benefits for both our physical and mental well-being. By taking up exercising, we are not only able to lose weight and get back in shape, but it also acts as a way to relieve our stress after a working or a school day. This is evident in countries with robust PE programs such as Finland, where obesity rates are incredibly low and life satisfaction rates are, on the other hand, quite high. Physical exercises are undeniably crucial in our life, and if missed, curriculums are nowhere near well-rounded and this will be detrimental to our future's or the young's health.

Despite this, critcs argue that addressing obesity requires a multifaceted approach rather than just doing exercises. Some of their suggestions could be dietary changes and healthcare support. Nevertheless, this fails to deny the effectiveness and importance of PE as we have to change from the lowest level-ourselves. Eating less without adequate exercising is like not feeding a wild animal enough because they will continue to hunt and find food - you will still want to have more meals and eventually end up being obese again. As long as we develop our awareness and self-discipline, we can undeniably address the problem of overweight reasonably and successfully.

In conclusion, given the unprecedented rate of obesity, it's high time we took action against this trend. The key lies in striking a balance between our own desires and the need for exercising, we can enhance our well-being and therefore improve the quality of life.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn══════

Obesity has been a growing global concern, and it is no longer the case of adults alone, 💥but it also extends to the children but it also affects children (vc: "extends to the children" không tự nhiên, "affects children" rõ nghĩa hơn), so measures must be introduced. While it is a common assumption that 💥doing exercise exercising (wc: "exercising" là danh động từ chuẩn hơn) is not recommended since it could deprive one of time that is needed for other daily activities, 💥however I maintain that this is the most effective way to improve our health and should be instilled in school curriculum. (gr: thừa "however", có while rồi mà, "I maintain that it is the most effective way to improve our health and should be included in school curriculums.")

My practical argument in support of PE programs has to do with its tremendous benefits for both our physical and mental well-being. By 💥taking up exercising exercising (wc: "taking up exercising" ko formal), we are not only able to lose weight and get back in shape, 💥but it also acts as a way to relieve our stress after a working or a school day but also relieve stress after a day of work or school (vc: cách diễn đạt rõ ràng và ngắn gọn hơn). This is evident in countries with robust PE programs such as Finland, where obesity rates are incredibly low and life satisfaction rates are, 💥on the other hand conversely (wc: "conversely" tốt hơn). Physical exercises are undeniably crucial in our life, and if 💥missed excluded (wc: "excluded" rõ nghĩa hơn), 💥curriculums curricula (wf: "curricula" là số nhiều chuẩn của "curriculum") are nowhere near well-rounded and this will be detrimental to 💥our future's or the young's health the health of our future generations (vc: cách diễn đạt rõ nghĩa hơn).

Despite this, 💥critcs critics (sp: "critcs" thiếu chữ "i") argue that addressing obesity requires a multifaceted approach rather than just 💥doing exercises exercising (wc: giữ từ ngắn gọn). Some of their suggestions 💥could be include (wc: "include" rõ ràng hơn) dietary changes and healthcare support. Nevertheless, this fails to deny the effectiveness and importance of PE as we have to change from the lowest level - ourselves. 💥Eating less without adequate exercising is like not feeding a wild animal enough because they will continue to hunt and find food Eating less without adequate exercise is like starving a wild animal; it will still hunt and find food - you (bỏ đi và thay sang câu khác, tránh you) will still want to have more meals and eventually end up being obese again. As long as we develop our awareness and self-discipline, we can undeniably address the problem of 💥overweight being overweight (wf: "being overweight" chuẩn hơn) reasonably and successfully.

In conclusion, given the unprecedented rate of obesity, 💥it's high time we took action against this trend it is crucial to take action against this trend The key lies in striking a balance between our own desires and the need for 💥exercising exercise (wf: "exercise" phù hợp hơn trong ngữ cảnh này); we can enhance our well-being and therefore improve the quality of life.

▪︎ Repetition and Collocation: Em tránh lặp từ quá nhiều lần. Thay vì dùng "exercise" nhiều lần, em có thể dùng "physical activity" hoặc "workout" để làm đa dạng bài viết. Ví dụ: "Regular physical activity is essential..."

▪︎ Ideas and Cultural Sensitivity: Đừng chỉ trích quá mức cách giải quyết khác. Ví dụ, em có thể thêm vào câu như "While dietary changes are also important, integrating physical education into daily routines..." để không gây cảm giác phủ nhận hoàn toàn ý kiến khác.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

CHÚ Ý:
- Đỡ sai ngữ pháp hơn
- Nhưng vẫn sai nhiều EXP, diễn đạt vẫn dài dòng

exercise = physical activity = work out

Nhóm: cable và broadcast, satellite và internet

• To specify, it is apparent from the line graph that Broadcast là tech được dùng phổ biến nhất in 2004 với ~100k người nhà xem, tuy nhiên nó đã fall out of favour và chạm mốc mere 10k người dùng qua thời gian

• Likewise, with respect to cable, lượng người dùng tăng dần đến gần 120k vào 2008, nhưng sau đấy lại slipped to 60k nhà dùng vào 2014

• Following this là hai loại tech với tăng dần gain popularity theo năm từng năm

• Satellite presents an opposite trend since the number of households using this technology gradually tăng through thời kì, từ dưới 80k lên 120k

• A similar pattern is recorded in Internet services. Ban đầu là least dominant với chỉ gần 10k families using; however, có sự tăng rất lớn in viewership with a surge to well almost 200k

• The most striking feature là số nhà dùng internet tăng nhanh gấp 5 lần dùng satellite, trở thành most desirable mean in 2014

The provided line graph depicts the patterns of four different streaming services used by Someville households. Generally speaking, it can be observed that the dwellers had an insatiable appetite for television, with the most notable being the most dramatic increase witnessed in satellite in the viewership.

To specify, it is apparent from the line chart that broadcast was the technology used most prevalently in 2004 with approximately 100,000 households, but it fell out of favour and reached 10,000 units over the period. Likewise, with respect to cable, the number of users minimally increased to 120,000 households in 2008, but since then, the data slipped to only 60,000 in 2014. Following this is two types of technology which steadily gained popularity each year.

Satellite presents an opposite trend since the number of households using this technology gradually went up throughout the period, from 80,000 to 120,000 units. A similar pattern is recorded in Internet services. Initially, it was the least dominant platform with a mere 10,000 households using; however, there were a significant increase in viewership with a surge to well almost 200,000 families. The most striking feature is the number of households using the Internet rose five-fold to that of satellite, becoming the most desirable mean to watch TV in 2014.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ═══════════════════════nn══════

💥The provided line graph depicts The line graph shows (vc: "depicts" là từ học thuật, nhưng trong ngữ cảnh này, "shows" ngắn gọn và tự nhiên hơn) the patterns of four different streaming services used by Someville households. Generally speaking, it can be observed that 💥the dwellers had an insatiable appetite for television, with the most notable being the most dramatic increase witnessed in satellite in the viewership. residents had a growing preference for television, particularly with a notable increase in satellite viewership (vc: câu này rườm rà, cần ngắn gọn và rõ ràng hơn).

To specify, 💥it is apparent from the line chart that the line chart shows that broadcast was the technology used most prevalently in 2004 with approximately 100,000 households, but it fell out of 💥favour and reached 10,000 units over the period. favor, declining to 10,000 households by 2014 (wc: "units" không phù hợp, nên dùng "households"). Likewise, with respect to cable, the number of users 💥minimally increased slightly increased (wc: "minimally" không tự nhiên trong ngữ cảnh này) to 120,000 households in 2008, but since then, 💥the data slipped to only 60,000 in 2014. usage dropped to 60,000 households by 2014 (vc: cần ngắn gọn và rõ ràng hơn). 💥Following this is two types of technology which steadily gained popularity each year. Conversely, two types of technology steadily gained popularity each year.

Satellite 💥presents an opposite trend since the number of households using this technology gradually went up throughout the period, from 80,000 to 120,000 units. shows an opposite trend, with households using this technology gradually increasing from 80,000 to 120,000 . A similar pattern 💥is recorded in can be seen in Internet services. Initially, 💥it was the least dominant platform with a mere 10,000 households using; however, there were a significant increase in viewership with a surge to well almost 200,000 families. the least used platform, with only 10,000 households, but it saw a significant increase to nearly 200,000 families. 💥The most striking feature is the number of households using the Internet rose five-fold to that of satellite, becoming the most desirable mean to watch TV in 2014. Notably, the number of households using the Internet rose five-fold compared to satellite, making it the most popular means of watching TV by 2014.

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Reducing Youth Crimes through Parental Education

With the ongoing rise of crime rates in youngsters, questions about whether it is essential to enhance parental skills in a bid to address the problem are looming large. While it is a common assumption that the issue requires a more multifaceted approach, I maintain that improving skills for parents can pay big dividends.

My practical argument in support of parental education has to do with parents ultimate influences on the child in a family. As a matter of fact, educated parents can guide children better and more well-rounded, reducing crime risks down the line. We need not look further than the case of developed countries with well-organised programs such as the USA, where parental involvement lead to undeniably lower crime rates in adolescents. Another supporting reason for enhancing parental skills is that family education can be foster a supportive and structured home, resulting in a healthy environment for children to grow up. Even if these essential skills are not widely recognised and given credits, they are irrefutably instrumental to children's future and eventually an effective way to confront youth crimes.

Admittedly, parental involvement alone can hardly halt this pressing issue, but there must be a combination of multiple influencing factors. This is evident urban areas like Chicago highlight various crime influences such as peer pressure or socio-economic disparities, which are, in fact, building resentment among teens of different classes and familial background. Not to mention, developing the education systems and equity job opportunities can contribute to the efforts against the crimes by helping integrate the young into the workforce and giving them guaranteed prospects in later life. Unless they realise the need for a comprehensive approach, they will risk encountering hardships in addressing the alarming increase rates of youth crime.

In conclusion, while parental education is crucial, addressing youth crime effectively requires a multi-faceted approach involving education, economic opportunities, and community support done by both families and the government collectively. As long as parents an young individuals themselves are aware that avoiding committing crimes is significant, the problem can appropriately fully addressed.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨

════════════════════nn══════

With the ongoing rise of crime rates 💥~in~ among (gr) youngsters, questions about whether it is essential to enhance parental skills in a bid to address the problem are looming large. While it is a common assumption that the issue requires a more multifaceted approach, I maintain that improving 💥~skills for parents~ parental skills (wf) can pay big dividends.

My practical argument in support of parental education has to do with 💥~parents~ parents' (gr) ultimate influences on the child in a family. As a matter of fact, educated parents can guide children 💥~better and more well-rounded~ more effectively and holistically (wc), reducing crime risks down the line. We need not look further than the case of developed countries with well-organised programs such as the USA, where parental involvement 💥~lead~ leads (gr) to undeniably lower crime rates in adolescents. Another supporting reason for enhancing parental skills is that family education 💥~can be foster~ can foster (gr) a supportive and structured home, resulting in a healthy environment for children to grow up. Even if these essential skills are not widely recognised and given 💥~credits~ credit (wf), they are irrefutably instrumental to children's future and eventually an effective way to confront youth crimes.

Admittedly, parental involvement alone can hardly halt this pressing issue, but there must be a combination of multiple influencing factors. This is evident in (gr) urban areas like Chicago where (wf) various crime influences such as peer pressure or socio-economic disparities, which are, in fact, building resentment among teens of different classes and familial backgrounds. Not to mention, developing the education systems and equity job opportunities can contribute to the efforts against 💥~the crimes~ crime (gr) by helping integrate the young into the workforce and giving them guaranteed prospects in later life. Unless they realise the need for a comprehensive approach, they will risk encountering hardships in addressing the alarming increase 💥~rates~ rate (gr) of youth crime.

In conclusion, while parental education is crucial, addressing youth crime effectively requires a multi-faceted approach involving education, economic opportunities, and community support 💥~done by~ from (wc) both families and the government collectively. As long as parents 💥~an~ and (sp) young individuals themselves are aware that avoiding committing crimes is significant, the problem can appropriately 💥~fully~ be fully (gr) addressed.

Other Feedback:

1. Repetition and Collocation: Em nên tránh lặp từ "parental skills" nhiều lần, thay vào đó có thể dùng các từ như "parental training" hoặc "family guidance" để đa dạng từ ngữ.

2. Ideas and Cultural Sensitivity: Đừng giả định rằng tất cả các quốc gia phát triển đều có tỷ lệ tội phạm vị thành niên thấp, mà hãy sử dụng số liệu cụ thể hoặc so sánh trực tiếp với một quốc gia khác để tránh bị coi là thiên vị văn hóa.

3. Attitudinal language: Em có thể thêm thái độ mạnh mẽ hơn khi nói về tầm quan trọng của giáo dục gia đình, ví dụ: "Parental education is undeniably crucial in shaping a child's future."

4. Văn vẻ lên: Sử dụng phép ẩn dụ hoặc nhấn mạnh để làm bài viết sinh động hơn. Ví dụ, "Parental skills are the cornerstone of a child's moral foundation."

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

└────────────────────

CHÚ Ý:
- sai QUÁ NHIỀU GRammar (so dumb)
- EXP diễn đạt ổn hơn, ít lằng nhằng hơn

parental skills = parental training = family guidance

The most prevalent gadget among women was security camera, accounting for a hefty 90% in female's preference. However, outdoor speaker system fell out of favour, with only around 20% of the women having interest to purchase one. Of the other six categories, female customers preference varied from about 25%, the lowest figure, for home movie theatre to 60% for both programmable thermostat and wireless home security.

Unlike women, the men hardly pay attention to security camera with only more than 20%, which is almost a quarter of the percentage for female. In contrast, wireless home audio system took precedence over other 7 categories, constituting for approximately 80% of the male customers. It is interesting to note that entertainment gadgets are more prevalent among the men, while the women care more about security and healhcare items.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨

═══════════════════════

The given bar chart shows the rates of items bought by men and women for household gadgets in the United Kingdom in 2013. It is evident ~in~ that the most common good among female customers was 💥~security camera~ security cameras (số nhiều, vì "items" ở trên là số nhiều), while the opposite was true for 💥~the men~ men (không cần "the" trước "men" trong ngữ cảnh này).

The most prevalent gadget among women was 💥~security camera~ security cameras, accounting for a hefty 90% 💥~in~ of female's preference. However, 💥~outdoor speaker system~ outdoor speaker systems (số nhiều) fell out of favour, with only around 20% of the women having 💥~interest to purchase~ interest in purchasing (dùng "interest in" đúng ngữ pháp hơn) one. Of the other six categories, female customers' preference varied from about 25%, the lowest figure, for home movie theatre to 60% for both programmable thermostat and wireless home security system.

Unlike women, 💥~the men~ men hardly pay attention to security camera with only 💥~more than~ just over 20%, which is almost a quarter of the percentage 💥~for female~ for females. In contrast, wireless home audio system took precedence over the other 7 categories, constituting 💥~for~ approximately 80% of the male customers. It is interesting to note that entertainment gadgets are more prevalent among 💥~the men~ men, while 💥~the women~ women care more about security and 💥~healhcare~ healthcare (sp) items.

Other feedback:

• Ở đoạn miêu tả sở thích của nam và nữ, em nên so sánh trực tiếp và liên tục để người đọc dễ hình dung hơn. Ví dụ: "While women showed a higher preference for security cameras, men showed a significant interest in wireless home audio systems."

• Em tránh lặp lại cụm từ "security camera" và "wireless home audio system" quá nhiều lần. Thay vào đó, em có thể dùng "these gadgets" hoặc "these items" để văn phong đa dạng hơn.

• Em có thể thêm thái độ phân tích, nhấn mạnh sự khác biệt đáng chú ý giữa hai nhóm. Ví dụ: "This stark contrast highlights gender-specific trends in purchasing behaviour."

  
  

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

└────────────────────

The government should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Government Spending on Vocational Training vs. University Education

With the ongoing rise of discussions between vocational training and university education, questions about the allocation of government funds have been looming large. Although vocational training can give students an edge when facing society, I believe that a university degree is a guarantee to sustainable knowledge and future.

Hardly anyone can deny that higher education encourages critical thinking and enhances students' problem-solving skill. With much resources vested in the educational system, universities can provide well-rounded curriculum with appropriate knowledge for their students along with essential working skills for their future career. This is particularly true in developed countries like the US and UK, where advances in education have fostered development and crucial researches for our life. Another supporting reason for higher education is that it contributes to a sustainable future for the students themselves and for the society. While many argue that vocational learners can also play a part in this scenario, this is far from convincing since certain scientific disciplines such as medicine or engineering require specialized experts in the fields and a bachelor degree is the minimum requirement. If anything, vocational degree holders can only handle other subtle societal needs rather than fully address complex issues.

On the contrary, vocational skills can have important changes in different social problems, if not to say revolutionize industries. Practical skills provided by vocational schools can lend a hand in lowering the unemployment rates of a country. When more and more youngsters are equipped with proper skills needed for a particular job, they will be recruited and earn a living, contributing to the nation's tax system and eventually improving supplementary social demands. We need not look further than the case of Switzerland, a country with robust vocational systems, leading to low youth unemployment. That is not to mention the amount of skilled workers vocational training gives out each year along with university education, meeting the demands of employers and factories. Even if vocational education means that learners will be intellectually inferior to postgraduates, the fact is that it still contributes significantly to many facets of a country's industries.

In conclusion, balancing investment in both vocational training and university education is essential to meet immediate job market needs while fostering long-term societal and technological advancements. By doing so, authorities can ensure a balanced society in terms of employment and a future with sustainable values.

═══nn═════════════════════ 🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn════

With the ongoing rise of discussions between vocational training and university education, questions about the allocation of government funds have been looming large. Although vocational training can give students an edge when facing society 💥 (gr: không rõ ràng) -> Although vocational training can equip students with practical skills, I believe that a university degree is a guarantee to 💥 (gr: sai giới từ) -> of sustainable knowledge and future.

Hardly anyone can deny that : số nhiều) ->higher education encourages critical thinking and enhances students' problem-solving skill 💥 (wc: số nhiều) -> skills. With much 💥 (wc) -> many resources vested in the educational system, universities can provide well-rounded curriculum 💥 (gr: số nhiều chứ) -> well-rounded curricula with appropriate knowledge for their students along with essential working skills for their future career 💥 (gr careers. This is particularly true in developed countries like the US and UK, where advances in education have fostered development and crucial researches 💥 (wc: research không đếm được) for our life. Another supporting reason for higher education is that it contributes to a sustainable future for the students themselves and for the society. While many argue that vocational learners can also play a part in this scenario, this is far from convincing since certain scientific disciplines such as medicine or engineering require specialized experts in the fields and a bachelor’s degree is the minimum requirement. If anything, vocational degree holders can only handle other subtle societal needs rather than fully address complex issues.

On the contrary, vocational skills can have important changes 💥 (wc: gây ra thay đổi nghe không tự nhiên) -> significantly impact in different social problems, if not to say revolutionize industries. Practical skills provided by vocational schools can lend a hand in lowering the unemployment rates of a country. When more and more youngsters are equipped with the proper skills needed for a particular job, they will be recruited and earn a living, contributing to the nation's tax system and eventually improving supplementary social demands.We need not look further than the case of Switzerland, a country with robust vocational systems, leading to low youth unemployment 💥 (wc: cần chính xác hơn) -> which has led to low youth unemployment. That is not to mention the number of skilled workers vocational training gives out 💥 (wc: văn nói) -> produces each year along with university education, meeting the demands of employers and factories. Even if vocational education means that learners will be intellectually inferior to postgraduates, the fact is that it still contributes significantly to many facets of a country's industries.

In conclusion, balancing investment in both vocational training and university education is essential to meet immediate job market needs while fostering long-term societal and technological advancements. By doing so, authorities can ensure a balanced society in terms of employment and a future with sustainable values.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌ └────────────────────

Chú ý:
- a guarantee OF
- Số nhiều: những thứ liên quan đến một S là số nhiều (students) thì sẽ là số nhiều (skills, curricula)
- RESEARCH ko đếm được!
- give out: văn nói >> produce
- ko nói "gây ra thay đổi" >> "gây ra ảnh hưởng"

- a minimum requirement = a prerequisite

It is generally accepted that exercise is beneficial for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Compulsory Physical Education

Given the significance of exercising in preventing a sedentary lifestyle among children and teens, questions about whether schools should mandate physical education are looming large. Although spending time for physical training must be coupled with some conditions, I believe that exercising will pay big dividends for students in the long run.

My practical argument in support of a compulsory physical programme in schools has to do with the benefits it provides for children's physical health. By mandating physical training, schools can prevent obesity from affecting their students and this eventually promotes fitness for them. A scientific approach points in a similar direction. Studies have shown that obesity rates have fallen significantly in Japan when they emphasize daily physical activities. Another compelling reason for compulsory inclusion of exercising in tertiary schools is that this helps develop social skills for teenagers. When engaging in team sports, such as football, basketball, or hockey, students will be taught cooperation and communication among teammates, resulting in a sense of camaraderie. These advantages will lead to a more well-rounded education system and improve children's well-being, contributing to a healthy future workforce.

However, imposing physical activities in school curriculum comes with its share of problems. When students focus too much on exercising, these activities could deprive them of time and resources that can be better spent on other academic subjects. Given the importance of core subjects such as Math, Physics or Chemistry, few would encourage spending more time for extracurricular activities, and fewer would pay full attention to physical training. That is not to mention making PE classes compulsory is undeniably incompatible with the principles of freedom and choice that modern educational systems are aiming at since not everyone is interested in sports or outdoor activities, or they may have physical limitations. If anything, inclusive programs should consider each individual's needs and preferences, not enforcing students to get involved involuntarily.

In conclusion, while making physical education compulsory can enhance health and social skills, it's essential to balance it with academic requirements and adapt to individual student needs. As students' interests are varied, it is sensible to respect that and leave it to the students to decide how much time to spend on physical activities.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn════

Given the significance of exercising in preventing 💥 -> exercise in preventing a sedentary lifestyle among children and teens, questions about whether schools should mandate physical education are looming large. Although spending time for physical training must be coupled with some conditions 💥 (dài, vague) -> physical training needs certain conditions, I believe that exercising will pay big dividends for students in the long run.

My practical argument in support of a compulsory physical programme in schools has to do with the benefits it provides for children's physical health 💥 -> has to do with its benefits for children's physical health. By mandating physical training, schools can prevent obesity from affecting their students 💥 (dài) -> in students, and this eventually promotes fitness for them 💥 (verbose) -> thereby promoting fitness. A scientific approach points in a similar direction. Studies have shown that obesity rates have fallen significantly in Japan when they emphasize 💥 (vt when emphasizing) daily physical activities. Another compelling reason for compulsory inclusion of exercising in tertiary schools 💥 (wf: exercises in secondary schools) is that this helps develop social skills for teenagers. When engaging in team sports, such as football, basketball, or hockey, students will be taught 💥 (vt: learn) cooperation and communication among teammates, resulting in a sense of camaraderie. These advantages will lead 💥 (vt: lead) to a more well-rounded education system and improve children's well-being, contributing to a healthy future workforce.

However, imposing physical activities in the school curriculum comes with its share of problems. When students focus too much on exercising, these activities could deprive them of time and resources that can be better spent on other academic subjects 💥 (verbose) -> it can detract from time and resources better spent on academics. Given the importance of core subjects such as Math, Physics, or Chemistry, few would encourage spending more time for extracurricular activities 💥 spending more time on extracurricular activities, and fewer would pay full attention to physical training. That is not to mention 💥 (sau nó là sth) -> Moreover, making PE classes compulsory is undeniably incompatible with the principles of freedom and choice that modern educational systems aim for since not everyone is interested in sports or outdoor activities, or they may have physical limitations. If anything, inclusive programs should consider each individual's needs and preferences, not enforcing students to get involved involuntarily 💥 (word choice: forcing students to participate involuntarily).

In conclusion, while making physical education compulsory can enhance health and social skills, it's essential to balance it with academic requirements and adapt to individual student needs. As students' interests are varied, it is sensible to respect that and leave it to the students to decide how much time to spend on physical activities.

Chú ý:
- obesity IN sb
- sb/sth's benefits for + người hưởng lợi
- new phrease: sth can detract from time and resources better spent on other...
- spent time ON, not 'for'
- Dùng 'force sb to'

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

Moving away from families has been a trend recently, and much discussion has been rightly devoted to understanding the root causes of this issue. This essay will delve into the triggers for the mentioned issue and analyze the impacts that arise from this living trend.

There emerge two main culprits for this tendency of living far away from families. The most common cause has to do with career advancements. Job opportunities are getting harder and harder to find in this competitive society where everyone is trying their best to look for life promotions, so people have to seek them in other cities or metropolises. Another leading factor is that people, especially students, relocate for educational purposes. They pursue a more well-rounded educational system in other developed countries with more nobel universities. We need not look further than the case of Malala Yousafzai, the youngest Nobel Prize laureate. She moved from Pakistan to the UK for her education at the University of Oxford, symbolizing the pursuit of academic excellence at the cost of family proximity.

The effects of relocation is evident in our daily life, especially in relationships between family members. When individuals live in a new city or country, will likely to take up the local's traditions and customs, sometimes their mindset. This can cause conflicts between them and their loved ones at home, since not every custom is appropriate in other places, worsening the relationships. However, in a positive light living far away can bring certain benefits for both the individual and their families. For instance, by moving from their home countries to developed ones such as the US, Japan, Korea, the strugglers can search for tempting job offers that they can hardly find back in their countries. Therefore, they can manage to earn a living and support their loved ones at home financially. Even if it means people can face disagreements with their families, it still attracts many due to its huge monetary advantages.

In conclusion, while relocation can be detrimental to familial and social relationships of a person, the fact that it can be beneficial is undeniable. As long as people are aware of the potential pitfalls of living far from their families, they will eventually strike a balance between their study or working life and their relatives in their beloved hometown.

•────────•°𓆩☀️𓆪°•────────•

Moving away from families has been a trend recently, and much discussion has been rightly devoted to understanding the root causes of this issue. This essay will delve into the triggers for the mentioned issue and analyze the impacts that arise from this living trend.

There emerge💥 (wc: sẽ dùng emerge khi có bối cảnh, sau đó là nổi lên sth) -> are two main culprits for this tendency of living far away from families. The most common cause has to do with career advancements. Job opportunities are getting harder and harder to find in this competitive society where everyone is trying their best to look for life promotions💥 (wc: awkward expression) -> advance their careers, so people have to seek them in other cities or metropolises. Another leading factor is that people, especially students, relocate for educational purposes. They pursue a more well-rounded educational system in other developed countries with more nobel💥 (sp) -> prestigious universities. We need not look further than the case of Malala Yousafzai, the youngest Nobel Prize laureate. She moved from Pakistan to the UK for her education at the University of Oxford, symbolizing the pursuit of academic excellence at the cost of family proximity.

The effects of relocation is💥 (gr: subject-verb agreement) -> are evident in our daily life, especially in relationships between family members. When individuals live in a new city or country, will likely to take up💥 (gr: unnecessary "to") -> they are likely to adopt the local's traditions and customs, sometimes their💥 (gr: "their" should be "their own" to clarify) mindset. This can cause conflicts between them and their loved ones at home, since not every custom is appropriate in other places, worsening the relationships. However, in a positive light, living far away can bring certain benefits for both the individual and their families. For instance, by moving from their home countries to developed ones such as the US, Japan, Korea, the strugglers💥 (wc: unnatural) -> individuals can search for tempting job offers that they can hardly find back in their countries. Therefore, they can manage to earn a living and support their loved ones at home financially. Even if it means people can face disagreements with their families, it still attracts many due to its huge monetary advantages.

In conclusion, while relocation can be detrimental to the familial and social relationships of a person, the fact that it can be beneficial is undeniable. As long as people are aware of the potential pitfalls of living far from their families, they will eventually strike a balance between their study or working life and their relatives in their beloved hometown.

1. Consistency and Logic:

   • Em cần duy trì tính tuyến tính trong bài viết. Ví dụ, nếu em đã nhắc đến lý do công việc trước, hãy tiếp tục bằng các ví dụ liên quan đến công việc trước khi chuyển sang lý do giáo dục.

   • Ví dụ: "The most common cause has to do with career advancements, such as seeking promotions or specialized job roles that are only available in urban centers."

2. Ideas Development:

   • Phát triển ý bằng cách thêm các ví dụ cụ thể và logic nhượng bộ hoặc tương phản. Ví dụ, có thể nhắc đến việc mặc dù sống xa gia đình có thể gây xung đột văn hóa, nhưng cũng mang lại lợi ích về kinh tế.

   • Ví dụ: "Even if living far away means adapting to different cultural norms, which can cause conflicts, the economic benefits are undeniable."

GỢI Ý CẢI THIỆN THÊM:

1. "Job opportunities are getting harder and harder to find in this competitive society where everyone is trying their best to advance their careers."

   • ngắn gọn: "Job opportunities are increasingly scarce in this competitive society."

2. "When individuals live in a new city or country, they will likely to take up the local's traditions and customs, sometimes their mindset."

   • ngắn: "Living in a new place often leads individuals to adopt local traditions and mindsets."

Chú ý:
- lead sb to do sth = khiến ai đó làm gì
- khó tìm = thiếu = scarce
- phải có ví dụ cụ thể cho 1 vđ (nói về work -> phải có ví dụ về advancements)
- bài đang thiếu tương phản nhượng bộ (ăn điểm)
nên cho là "dù..., nhưng lợi là ko bàn cãi"

To specify, it is evident from the table that locals in Sydney have to pay $0.98 each kilolitre of water, being the most expensive water cost in terms of under 125KL of water used. This is followed by that of Brisbane, the first runner-up and Melbourne with a price of $0.81 and $0.78 respectively. With the stable pricing strategy, the prices stay unchanged when the residents consume more than 125 kilolitres, noting that there is a minor difference of $0.03 in the costs of Brisbane.

Meanwhile, Adelaide and Perth acquire a complete contrast strategic pricing, with Adelaide starting from only $0.42 per kilolitre to a whopping $1.00, tripling the original price. It is noteworthy that Perth has both the lowest cost as that of Adelaide and the highest, standing at $1.50 per kilolitre used.

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The provided table shows how much residents pay for water consumption in five different cities in Australia. Overall, it is apparent from the chart that the average price for each household's water bill in Perth stands the highest among five cities, while the opposite is true for Melbourne.

To specify, it is evident from the table that locals in Sydney have to pay $0.98 each kilolitre of water, being 💥 (awkward expression: em dùng “which is” sẽ tự nhiên hơn) the most expensive water cost in terms of under 125KL of water used. This is followed by that of Brisbane, the first runner-up 💥 (expression: từ này không hợp ngữ cảnh)-> which ranks second and Melbourne with a price of $0.81 and $0.78 respectively. With the stable pricing strategy, the prices stay unchanged when the residents consume more than 125 kilolitres, noting that there is a minor difference of $0.03 in the costs of Brisbane 💥 (verbose: em có thể viết ngắn gọn hơn) -> The prices remain unchanged when residents consume more than 125 kilolitres, except for a minor $0.03 difference in Brisbane.

Meanwhile, Adelaide and Perth acquire a complete contrast strategic pricing 💥 (unnatural expression: dùng từ này nghe chưa hợp) -> have contrasting pricing strategies, with Adelaide starting from only $0.42 per kilolitre to a whopping $1.00, tripling the original price. It is noteworthy that Perth has both the lowest cost as that of Adelaide and the highest, standing at $1.50 per kilolitre used.

Chú ý:
- chủ yếu là lỗi diễn đạt => dài dòng, ko hợp ngữ
- cần diễn tả ngắn gọn hơn
+ dùng mệnh đề WHICH
+ dùng S-V bình thường, have đơn giản

Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Topic: Population Growth

Given the population boom with a rapid pace, the questions about its impacts on the globe are looming large. While it is a common assumption that the rapid increase in population can be detrimental to the world and cause a global crisis, passionate supporters of population growth believe that this fuels the world's economy and is beneficial for the society. This essay will delve into these conflicting views before my opinion is given as follows.

Opponents of population boom emphasize that the increase in world's residents will lead to a depletion in resources and energy. They argue that if more infants are born, they will be in demand of adequate food, proper education as well as healthcare down the line, resulting in pressing resource shortages. This is evident in countries with increased population rates in Africa or South Asia, where each pair of parents usually have over three children, placing an unprecedented burden on the government in terms of resources invested in them. Added to this risk is the tremendous carbon footprint a population boom could send out the environment, contributing to various types of pollution and contamination. Even if this contribution is not immediately apparent, the fact that this can undeniably leave significant challenges for the authorities and industries in managing pollution is still noteworthy.

On the flip side, proponents of population growth maintain that this change is necessary for world's economy in general. They believe that the increasing number of people can equip industries, factories and enterprises with skilled workers, ensuring a stable seasoned workforce needed for economic development. We need not look further than the case of well-known industrial countries like China or India, where leading technology companies such á Apple or Samsung locate their plants, have leveraged large populations for improvement in national economy. Not to mention, higher birth rates could prevent an aging population from happening at a record rate. If anything, there will be more and more youngsters that can provide help for the elderly, guarantee welfare and pensions by paying personal income taxes.

In conclusion, while population growth presents challenges, with proper management and sustainable practices, it can also drive economic and cultural benefits. Above all else, it is advisable that governments utilize opportunities of the increase in population to ensure a sustainable future and be ready to tackle any issues that arise from the boom.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn════

Given the population boom with a rapid pace 💥 (wc: "with a rapid pace" không tự nhiên, thừa) -> occurring rapidly, the questions about its impacts on the globe are looming large. While it is a common assumption that the rapid increase in population can be detrimental to the world and cause a global crisis, passionate supporters of population growth believe that this fuels the world's economy and is beneficial for the society 💥 -> for society. This essay will delve into these conflicting views before my opinion is given as follows.

Opponents of population boom emphasize that the increase in world's 💥 (gr) -> the world's residents will lead to a depletion in resources and energy. They argue that if more infants are born, they will be in demand of adequate food, proper education as well as healthcare down the line, resulting in pressing resource shortages. This is evident in countries with increased population rates in Africa or South Asia, where each pair of parents usually have 💥 (gr: chủ ngữ số ít) -> has over three children, placing an unprecedented burden on the government in terms of resources invested in them. Added to this risk is the tremendous carbon footprint a population boom could send out 💥 (wc: "send out" không tự nhiên) -> generate in the environment, contributing to various types of pollution and contamination. Even if this contribution is not immediately apparent, the fact that this can undeniably leave significant challenges for the authorities and industries in managing pollution is still noteworthy.

On the flip side, proponents of population growth maintain that this change is necessary for world's economy in general 💥 (gr) -> the world's economy in general. They believe that the increasing number of people can equip industries, factories, and enterprises with skilled workers, ensuring a stable, seasoned workforce needed for economic development. We need not look further than the case of well-known industrial countries like China or India, where leading technology companies such á 💥 (sp) -> as Apple or Samsung locate their plants, have 💥 (gr: cấu trúc không song song) -> and have leveraged large populations for improvement in the national economy. Not to mention, higher birth rates could prevent an aging population from happening at a record rate. If anything, there will be more and more youngsters that can provide help for the elderly, guarantee welfare 💥 (wc: "guarantee welfare" không tự nhiên) -> ensure welfare and pensions by paying personal income taxes.

In conclusion, while population growth presents challenges, with proper management and sustainable practices, it can also drive economic and cultural benefits. Above all else, it is advisable that governments utilize opportunities of the increase in population to ensure a sustainable future and be ready to tackle any issues that arise from the boom.

Other Feedback:

🟦 Ideas Development and Cultural Sensitivity: Đừng quên phát triển ý để làm rõ lập luận của mình. Ví dụ, em có thể thêm một đoạn giải thích cách mà các nước đã thành công trong việc tận dụng tăng trưởng dân số để phát triển kinh tế mà không gây hại cho môi trường. "For instance, several Scandinavian countries have managed to balance population growth with sustainable development practices, ensuring economic prosperity without compromising ecological integrity."

🟦 Literary Languages: Em cũng có thể sử dụng châm biếm hoặc các biện pháp tu từ để làm bài viết hấp dẫn hơn. Ví dụ, "Amidst the turmoil of rapid population growth, nations stand at a crossroads: to embrace this change with strategic foresight or to succumb to the pressures it brings."

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện:

1. "Given the population boom occurring rapidly, the questions about its impacts on the globe are looming large." -> "Amidst the rapid population boom, questions about its global impacts loom large."

2. "This is evident in countries with increased population rates in Africa or South Asia, where each pair of parents usually has over three children." -> "This is evident in countries like those in Africa and South Asia, where each pair of parents typically has over three children."

3. "Above all else, it is advisable that governments utilize opportunities of the increase in population to ensure a sustainable future and be ready to tackle any issues that arise from the boom." -> "Above all else, it is crucial that governments seize the opportunities presented by population growth to ensure a sustainable future and address any arising challenges."

PHRASES TO REMEMBER: Amidst the turmoil, At a crossroads, In light of, By the same token, Leveraged large populations, Economic and cultural benefits, Strategic foresight, Proper management, Sustainable practices, Resource availability. ▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌ └────────────────────

PHRASES TO REMEMBER

• Amidst the turmoil

• At a crossroads

• In light of

• By the same token - Bởi lẽ ấy

• Leveraged large populations - Tận dụng dân số lớn

• Economic and cultural benefits

• Strategic foresight - Tầm nhìn chiến lược

• Proper management

• Sustainable practices

• Resource availability

Chú ý:
- THE world's...
- ENSURE welfare
- for society
- send out >> generate in the environment

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Topic: Comprehensive vs. Selective Subject Study

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn════

Given the importance of a comprehensive currriculum 💥 (sp: chính tả sai) -> curriculum in the tertiary education system, questions about the subjects at schools are looming large. While it is a common assumption that compulsory inclusion of different subjects is needed, others maintain that students should have the right to decide which subjects they will learn that best suit their abilities and career orientation. This essay will delve into these conflicting views before giving my opinions.

Advocates of promoting compulsory subjects often tout the well-rounded knowledge that they can equip the students 💥 (un: câu không tự nhiên, khó hiểu) -> provide students. They argue that it eventually forms a firm foundation for their further education or future career, gradually building up a global leader with a comprehensive knowledge background. While the workload can be a barrier for children to achieve this success, the return on investment is significant, noting that a holistic approach to learning can foster students' general skills and gain initial insights into 💥 (wc: không tự nhiên) -> provide basic understanding of different fields. Not to mention, well-rounded curricula can also expose students to a wider range of subjects, helping them to discover their passions and personal interests in a particular discipline, leading to better further career decisions. Even if some students who cannot manage their time efficiently can find this style of learning quite overwhelming 💥 (un: câu dài dòng) -> find this style of learning overwhelming due to poor time management, the fact that it acts as a free trial for their jobs is noteworthy.

On the flip side, opponents of comprehensive subject study maintain that learning too many subjects will deprive children of time better spent on other needed subjects for their future education, causing distraction and oversaturation. On the contrary 💥 (un: không phù hợp với ý trước) -> Furthermore, they believe that a selective curriculum can develop focused sets of skills which align with children's strengths and preferences, leading to higher proficiency. We need not look further than the case of well-developed countries with tailorable curricula such as the UK and Germany to find that students are encouraged to choose their subjects at school adequately and suitably, resulting in higher satisfaction and enforcing 💥 (wc: từ này nghĩa là bắt buộc, không phù hợp) -> fostering interests in learning. This scenario also illustrates that pressure can be avoided given that the educational system brings in 💥 (wc: từ này không tự nhiên) -> implements selective programmes instead of imposing compulsory learning methods. Unless we recognize the significance of an overall approach to education in school, we risk placing undue burden on the future of a nation, causing unwanted resentment and hostility between parents, students and the education system.

To conclude, the argument around subject options is not about favouring one over the other but about recognizing the value of a balanced approach in education instead.

Mở:

• Given is the diagram illustrating + tên đồ thị (viết lại dùng bị động)

• All in all, the process is composed of + số steps, from... to...

Giai đoạn 1:

• The initial step is when..., and then... (which...)

• Once... have Pii, S+is/are then V-ed (+gr: Một khi đã được..., sth sẽ được... - kết hợp 2 bước)

• From here, ...

• S+is/are then V-ed, subsequently V-ed

Giai đoạn 2:

• In order to V, first of all, S+V

• Next, S+V

• Meanwhile,... and once...

• Having been Pii, S+is/are then V-ed, and sth is now ready to... (+gr: Sau khi đã được..., sth sẽ được... - kết hợp 2 bước)

• At this point, S+V

• The final step is to V

The initial step is when the tomatoes are picked from the tree, and are then put into a basket. After this stage has completed, they are sorted into two categories - good and bad, and then the former ones are shipped to the factory via truck. Once they have arrived at the destination, the stalk, seeds and skin are removed from the tomatoes, and subsequently stored in the container.

In order to make a bottle of ketchup, first of all, they are crushed, and then sugar, vinegar and salt are added. From here, the mixture is boiled. Having been left for two hours with the lid opened, the outcome is poured into bottles. Once they have been labelled, the bottles go through a quality control process in the factory, and are then packed in boxes. At this point, they are sent to the supermarkets where the ketchup is purchased and consumed. The final step is to enjoy a favourite meal with the flavourful ketchup.

___________

Given is the diagram illustrating how tomatoes are harvested and how ketchup is produced. All in all, the process is composed of 15 steps, from picking the tomatoes to enjoying the ketchup with a hamburger and fries.

The initial step is when the tomatoes are picked from the tree 💥 (wc: tomatoes grow on plants, not trees) -> plant, and are then put into a basket. After this stage has completed 💥 (gr: passive form) -> is completed, they are sorted into two categories - good and bad, and then the former ones are shipped to the factory via truck. Once they have arrived at the destination, the stalk, seeds and skin are removed from the tomatoes, and subsequently stored in the container.

In order to make a bottle of ketchup, first of all, the tomatoes are crushed, and then sugar, vinegar and salt are added. From here, the mixture is boiled. Having been left for two hours with the lid opened 💥 (gr: passive construction; "lid opened" hơi rối) -> After being left uncovered for two hours, the outcome is poured into bottles. Once they have been labelled, the bottles go through a quality control process in the factory, and are then packed in boxes. At this point 💥 (wc: từ này không cần thiết) -> Then, they are sent to the supermarkets where the ketchup is purchased and consumed. The final step is to enjoy a favourite meal with the flavourful ketchup.

The initial step is when the wood, either poplar or willow, is sawed into pieces. Following the initial phase, each piece is then outlined by an axe. Once the draft has been done, the knife is used to carve out the excess part, forming the basic version of the clogs.

In order to make complete usable clogs, first of all, a spoon drill is used to bore out the interior of the shoes, making a hole on the inside. After this stage has been done, sandpaper is useful for finishing both the inside and the outside of the shoes. In the final stage of the process, painting the clogs with vibrant colours is optional, and once they are dry, they are ready to be worn.

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Given is the diagram illustrating how traditional wooden clogs are made. All in all, the process is composed of six steps from sawing a wood log 💥 (wc: sawing wood logs hoặc cutting a wood log) to decorating the clog.

The initial step is when the wood, either poplar or willow, is sawed into pieces. Following the initial phase, each piece is then outlined by an axe. Once the draft has been done, the knife is used to carve out the excess part, forming the basic version of the clogs.

In order to make complete usable clogs, first of all 💥 (verbose: unnecessary phrases) -> To complete the clogs, a spoon drill is used to bore out the interior of the shoes, making a hole on the inside. After this stage has been done 💥 (lặp) -> is complete, sandpaper is useful for finishing both the inside and the outside of the shoes. In the final stage of the process, painting the clogs with vibrant colours is optional, and once they are dry, they are ready to be worn.

The area that has seen the biggest improvements is transportation. One significant transformative development is that a flood barrier has been built across the river which was once used for ships to go through, while a ship was converted into a museum, so that tourists and dwellers can visit. The crane in the South-west side of the area has been removed to make way for the construction of a river walk, allowing pedestrians to head to the coast by taking a stroll along the river. A bridge has also been erected across the river, which means people can access the other side of the river.

The crane in the North side of the town has also been removed to set up a new sailing club. Another interesting transformation is that the warehouse at the North-east corner of the map has been turned into a playing area, which means the children can have a place to spend their time in. The other warehouse on the same side of the river has been redeveloped into an educational centre, which is essential for the students in the neighbourhood.

•────────•°𓆩☀️𓆪°•────────•

The two maps compare the changes which have taken place in an area between the year 💥 -> 1980 and today. Overall, it appears that the area has been urbanised from an industrial area to a residential one 💥 -> transformed from an industrial zone into a residential area, with far more transport and recreational facilities.

The area that has seen the biggest improvements is transportation. One significant transformative development is that a flood barrier has been built across the river which was once used for ships to go through 💥 (wc) -> navigate, while a ship was converted into a museum, so that tourists and dwellers can visit 💥 (wc) -> for tourists and residents to visit. The crane in the South-west side 💥 (gr) -> southwest side of the area has been removed to make way for the construction of a river walk, allowing pedestrians to head to the coast by taking a stroll along the river 💥 (wc: diễn đạt tự nhiên hơn) -> stroll along the river to reach the coast. A bridge has also been erected across the river, which means people can access the other side of the river 💥 (wc: gọn hơn) -> allows access to the opposite bank.

The crane in the north side of the town has also been removed to set up a new sailing club. Another interesting transformation is that the warehouse at the North-east corner 💥-> northeast corner of the map has been turned into a playing area, which means the children can have a place to spend their time in 💥 (wc: gọn hơn) -> provides a place for children to play. The other warehouse on the same side of the river has been redeveloped into an educational centre, which is essential for the students in the neighbourhood.

One significant transformation is that the old exhibition area has been replaced with a new concert hall, in which a new stage has been built when the meeting room has been demolished. In 2009, there used to be a display area in front of the old concert hall, but after a year of development, it has been removed, making more open walking space for visitors.

If we look at the right side of the map, the wide balcony has been equipped with a lounge area, where the visitors can enjoy themselves. Another transformative development is that the exhibition area has been relocated to the left side of the conference and enlarged in order to meet the spatial demands of both the vendors and the customers. Moreover, a new registration booth has also been erected next to the new concert hall apart from the registration between the entrances, which implies that the customers can check in faster and more conveniently.

•────────•°𓆩☀️𓆪°•────────•

The two maps compare the changes which have taken place in a trade conference 💥 (gr) -> to the layout of the trade conference between 2009 and 2010. Overall, it appears that the conference has shifted towards a better-organised floor plan, with much more customer-friendly improvements have occurred 💥 (gr: câu này không mạch lạc và có lỗi ngữ pháp) -> with many more customer-friendly improvements having occurred.

One significant transformation is that the old exhibition area has been replaced with a new concert hall, in which a new stage has been built when 💥 (gr: "while" thì hợp lý hơn) -> while the meeting room has been demolished. In 2009, there used to be a display area in front of the old concert hall, but after a year of development, it has been removed, making more open walking space for visitors.

If we look at the right side of the map, the wide balcony has been equipped with a lounge area, where the visitors can enjoy themselves. Another transformative development is that the exhibition area has been relocated to the left side of the conference and enlarged in order to 💥 (wc: từ này không cần thiết) -> to meet the spatial demands of both the vendors and the customers. Moreover, a new registration booth has also been erected next to the new concert hall apart from the registration between 💥 (wc: chỗ này dùng "near" hợp lý hơn) -> near the entrances, which implies that the customers can check in faster and more conveniently.

If we look at the Japanese office, there are two large desks, each has six seats which are provided to the workers. This arrangement makes them face each other, facilitating a cooperative working style. Meanwhile, each of those in America is equipped with a single L-shaped desk, fostering a sense of privacy among colleagues.

One noteworthy difference is the arrangements of managers' working space. It can be seen that the section managers in Japan are offered seats at one end of the employee's shared desks. Also, the department manager's desk is located in the North of the office, being right in front of the window and facing the others in the room, allowing them to have an overview of the staff. In contrast, the American managers have their own seperated offices with the window located on the East side of the room, while the opposite side consists of two conference rooms, a copy machine and a storage.

•────────•°𓆩☀️𓆪°•────────•

The two maps compare the differences between offices of two distinctive cultures in Japan and America. Overall, it appears that while the Japanese focus on teamwork and collaboration, the American tout 💥 (coll: từ này thường dùng trong quảng cáo) -> Americans emphasize an independent working style.

If we look at the Japanese office, there are two large desks, each has 💥 (vf: đây là số nhiều, ngữ pháp nữa) -> having six seats which are provided to the workers. This arrangement makes them face each other, facilitating a cooperative working style. Meanwhile, each of those in America is equipped with a single L-shaped desk, fostering a sense of privacy among colleagues.

One noteworthy difference is the arrangements of managers' working space. It can be seen that the section managers in Japan are offered seats at one end of the employee's shared desks. Also, the department manager's desk is located in the North of the office, being 💥 (wc: không cần thiết) -> right in front of the window and facing the others in the room, allowing them to have an overview of the staff. In contrast, the American managers have their own seperated 💥 (sp) -> separate offices with the window located on the East side of the room, while the opposite side consists of two conference rooms, a copy machine and a storage.

On the one hand, proponents of concentrating on training top athletes argue that this is a positive issue for a reason. First, they say that top athletes are the ones who are highly able to bring success to a country. To explain, professional sport participants have the ability to take advantages of all specialized facilities, meaning they know how to train in the best conditions and achieve the desired outcomes. For example, in France, the government spent an enormous amount of money on building football-related equipment, thanks to that, French footballer made significant progress and won the World Cup in 2018. In other word, advocates of this perspective say that building specialized equipment can help athletes train under the most optimal conditions and maximize their capability, leading to international acclaim.

On the other hand, despite all the aforementioned positive points of focusing on the development of professional athletes, I still contend that this trend brings with it several drawbacks. Firstly, it can has adverse effect on citizens’s overall well-being. It is true that suitable physical activities can strengthen the immune system, helping combat against diseases, so not having the access to suitable sport facilities can contribute to citizen's illness. Secondly, there is a high likelihood that people would spend an excessive amount of time on the Internet. Specifically, if top-notch sport facilities are not offered, individuals would be not encouraged to partake in physical exercises and wasting their time surfing the Internet.  

In conclusion, although it is necessary to building specialized facilities for professional sports enthusiasts’ trainings to reach international success, I still say that this phenomenon brings more demerits than merits. I suggest that the government should focus on both individuals and top athletes, so that international success can be achieved. 

_____

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn════

There is an ongoing debate regarding whether in order to become 💥 -> to become internationally successful, national authorities should focus on building specialized equipment for top athletes to train rather than offer 💥 -> providing citizens sport facilities that thay 💥 (sp) -> they can all use. Although some highlight the significance of emphasizing on 💥 (ww: 2 lần nhấn mạnh à? higlight + emphasize) -> highlight the importance of focusing on top athletes, I believe that the advantages of this trend are overshadowed by its disadvantages.

On the one hand, proponents of concentrating on training top athletes argue that this is a positive issue for a reason 💥 (phr) -> approach for several reasons. First, they say that top athletes are the ones who are highly able to bring success to a country. To explain, professional sport participants have the ability to take advantages 💥 -> take advantage of all specialized facilities, meaning they know how to train in the best conditions and achieve the desired outcomes. For example, in France, the government spent an enormous amount of money on building football-related equipment, thanks to that 💥 (phr: nhờ vào điều đó) -> and as a result, French footballer made 💥 (wf: tạo ra) -> made significant progress and won the World Cup in 2018. In other word 💥 (wf: từ khác) -> words, advocates of this perspective say that building specialized equipment can help athletes train under the most optimal conditions and maximize their capability, leading to international acclaim.

On the other hand, despite all the aforementioned positive points of focusing on the development of professional athletes, I still contend that this trend brings with it several drawbacks 💥 -> has several drawbacks. Firstly, it can has adverse effect 💥 (gr) -> have adverse effects on citizens’ overall well-being. It is true that suitable physical activities can strengthen the immune system, helping combat against 💥 (wf) -> combat diseases, so not having the access to 💥 -> access to suitable sport facilities can contribute to citizens' illness. Secondly, there is a high likelihood that people would spend an excessive amount of time on the Internet. Specifically, if top-notch sport facilities are not offered, individuals would be not encouraged 💥 (gr) -> not be encouraged to partake in physical exercises and wasting 💥 (gr) -> would waste their time surfing the Internet.

In conclusion, although it is necessary to building 💥 (gr: xây dựng) -> build specialized facilities for professional sports enthusiasts’ training to reach international success, I still say 💥 (wc: nói) -> argue that this phenomenon brings more demerits than merits. I suggest that the government should focus on both individuals and top athletes, so that international success can be achieved.

════════════════════nn════

Gợi ý cải thiện bài luận (Consistency, Logic, Collocation, Idea Development, Cultural Sensitivity, Literary Language)

1. Consistency and Logic: Bài luận cần tuyến tính hơn. Giảm bớt các từ nối lộ ở đầu câu, thay vào đó, nối bằng reference words, substitution...

2. Literary Languages: Sử dụng các biện pháp tu từ như ẩn dụ, châm biếm, hoặc cường điệu để làm bài viết thêm sinh động. Ví dụ, em có thể nói "The lack of sports facilities leaves citizens adrift in a sea of digital distractions," để tạo hình ảnh mạnh mẽ hơn về tác động tiêu cực của việc không có cơ sở vật chất thể thao.

Tăng cường sử dụng cụm giới từ :

1. Beyond question: Building specialized facilities for top athletes is, beyond question, a step towards international success. - không cần phải hỏi, chắc chắn

2. In the final analysis: In the final analysis, neglecting public sports facilities may lead to a decline in overall public health.

3. At odds with: The government's focus on top athletes is at odds with the public's need for health and wellness. - in disagreement with

4. By no means: By no means should we ignore the benefits of making sports accessible to everyone. - Đảo ngữ

5. To no avail: Efforts to achieve international success might be to no avail if the public's health deteriorates. - without any success or any effect

6. In no uncertain terms: In no uncertain terms, both top athletes and citizens should benefit from sports facilities. - in a very clear way

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌ └────────────────────

Some people say that manufacturers and supermarkets should take the responsibility of reducing the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should take responsibility and avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Topic: Responsibility for Reducing Packaging Waste

The issue of over-packaging is a global concern, but there is not much consensus on where the responsibility should be placed. While it is a common assumption that manufacturers should be in charge of confronting these problems, others believe customers need to reduce purchasing plastic-wrapped goods. This essay will delve into these conflicting views before my opinion is given as follows.

Advocates of putting the pressure on manufacturers and supermarkets often argue that these institutions have the ability to fully address this alarming issue by cutting down the amount of plastic produced. To illustrate, reducing one layer of packaging of a specific good can result in a decrease of tons of plastic released into the environment. Beside preventing plastic over-production, manufacturers also have the Corporate Social Responsibility to fulfill. Hardly anyone can deny that businesses have the major duty to minimize environmental impact in their process. Japanese retailers such as Muji or Tokyo life are prime examples for role models. The policy of charging extra for a bag has significantly reduced shopping waste, thereby not only protecting the environment but also reaping profits for the company.

On the flip side, proponents of consumers' responsibility contend that they can also contribute to these efforts by adopting a sustainable lifestyle. Eco-friendly products, which are great initiatives of environmentalists, could be consumed in lieu of other mainstream goods. That is not to mention the importance of education and self-awareness of wise purchasing decisions. With the help of robust environmental campaigns, Europe can undeniably encourage customers to move towards more sustainable consuming choices, thereby tackling the increasing rates of pollution. These scenarios illustrate that the consumer sector plays a significant role in the combat against over-packaging that is affecting the globe.

In conclusion, given the seriousness of pollution is still high on the agenda, I believe that collective efforts are needed to reduce the amount of packaging of goods and enforce effective environmental conservation.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𓍯𓂃✨ ✨ ════════════════════nn════

The issue of over-packaging is a global concern, but there is not much consensus on where the responsibility should be placed. While it is a common assumption that manufacturers should be in charge of confronting 💥 (v: từ này có nghĩa là đối đầu, không phù hợp ở đây) -> addressing these problems, others believe customers need to reduce purchasing plastic-wrapped goods. This essay will delve into these conflicting views before my opinion is given as follows.

Advocates of putting the pressure on manufacturers and supermarkets often argue that these institutions have the ability to fully address this alarming issue by cutting down the amount of plastic produced. To illustrate, reducing one layer of packaging of a specific good 💥 (awk) -> on specific goods can result in a decrease of tons of plastic released into the environment. Beside 💥 (sp) -> Besides preventing plastic over-production, manufacturers also have the Corporate Social Responsibility 💥 (wc: ủa sao viết hoa? bài đọc nó viết hoa để tiện gọi như 1 phong trào/ term. đây mình nhắc 1 lần và ko có ý định viết tắt thì ko viết hoa) -> corporate social responsibility to fulfill. Hardly anyone can deny that businesses have the major duty to minimize environmental impact in their process 💥 (awk) -> a major duty to minimize their environmental impact. Japanese retailers such as Muji or Tokyo Life are prime examples for 💥 (gr: giới từ sai) -> of role models. The policy of charging extra for a bag has significantly reduced shopping waste, thereby not only protecting the environment but also reaping profits for the company.

On the flip side, proponents of consumers' responsibility contend that they can also contribute to these efforts by adopting a sustainable lifestyle. Eco-friendly products, which are great initiatives of environmentalists, could be consumed in lieu of other mainstream goods. That is not to mention the importance of education and self-awareness of wise purchasing decisions. With the help of robust environmental campaigns, Europe can undeniably encourage customers to move towards more sustainable consuming choices 💥 (awk) -> consumption choices, thereby tackling the increasing rates of pollution. These scenarios illustrate that the consumer sector plays a significant role in the combat 💥 (wc: không phù hợp ngữ cảnh) -> fight against over-packaging that is affecting the globe.

In conclusion, given the seriousness of pollution is still high on the agenda 💥 (awk: không tự nhiên) -> remains a pressing issue, I believe that collective efforts are needed to reduce the amount of packaging of goods and enforce effective environmental conservation.

Other feedback:

🟦 Consistency/ Linearity and Logic: Em cần mạch lạc hơn trong việc chuyển ý giữa các đoạn. Để tăng tuyến tính cho đoạn, có thể tránh dùng từ nối lộ ở đầu, chuyển sang các từ kết nối ngầm, ví dụ: "The role of manufacturers is paramount in reducing waste. Consumers, too, bear a significant part of the responsibility."

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện về logic/ sắc thái:

1. The issue of over-packaging is a global concern, but there is not much consensus on where the responsibility should be placed 💥-> and it remains unclear who should shoulder the responsibility.

2. These scenarios illustrate that the consumer sector plays a significant role in the fight against over-packaging that is affecting the globe 💥 (awk) -> These scenarios illustrate the significant role of the consumer sector in combating global over-packaging.

3. In conclusion, given the seriousness of pollution remains a pressing issue, I believe that collective efforts are needed to reduce the amount of packaging of goods and enforce effective environmental conservation -> In conclusion, given the pressing issue of pollution, I believe that reducing packaging and enforcing environmental conservation requires collective efforts of governments, businesses and consumers.

Chú ý:
- paramount
- bear a significant part
- illustrate + noun (sth)
- packaging ON goods
- prime example of role models

To specify, it is evident from the table that Luxembourg has the highest-paying teaching jobs. Starting with 80,000 for inexperienced secondary or highschool teachers, the salary could reach up to 132,000 after 30 years of service. An opposite pattern was observed in Australia, where the maximum pay stayed at 48,000, only two-fifth of the data for Luxembourg, being the lowest salary among five countries in terms of experienced teachers.

In Denmark, with the initial pay of 45,000, the teachers had to spend only 8 years of service to reach the maximum, at 54,000. Meanwhile, it took those in Korea 34 years to earn a salary of 62,000 a year, 8,000 higher than the figure for Denmark. It is also noteworthy that 37 was the number of years Japanese had to spend to reach 86,000-salary, whereas Luxembourg's teachers’ maximum pay is 46,000 higher than that of Japan.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.0✨

The table depicts teachers’ salaries of five different countries in 2009. Overall, it is apparent that it took Japanese teachers’ the longest to reach the maximum amount of salary, while the opposite was true for those in Denmark.

To specify, it is evident from the table that Luxembourg has the highest-paying teaching jobs. Starting with 80,000 for inexperienced secondary or highschool 💥 (sp: từ này phải là hai từ riêng biệt) -> high school teachers, the salary could reach up to 132,000 after 30 years of service. An opposite pattern was observed in Australia, where the maximum pay stayed at 48,000, only two-fifth of the data for 💥 (wc: dùng số liệu thì hợp hơn) -> figure for Luxembourg, being the lowest salary among five countries in terms of experienced teachers 💥 (gr: cấu trúc câu phức tạp và không rõ ràng) -> making it the lowest salary among the five countries for experienced teachers.

In Denmark, with the initial pay of 45,000, the teachers had to spend only 8 years of service to reach the maximum, at 54,000. Meanwhile, it took those in Korea 34 years to earn a salary of 62,000 a year, 8,000 higher than the figure for Denmark. It is also noteworthy that 37 was the number of years Japanese had to spend 💥 (wc: phải dùng động từ khác cho chính xác) -> needed to reach 86,000-salary 💥 -> 86,000 salary, whereas Luxembourg's teachers’ maximum pay is 46,000 higher than that of Japan.

Given the popularity of social media in the modern world, questions about its effects on our relationships are looming large. While it is a common assumption that the use of social media helps bridge the distance gap between communicators, opponents believe this technology can gradually halt face-to-face interaction among people. This essay will delve into these conflicting views and determine to what extent the benefits of socializing platforms outweigh the drawbacks.

Undeniably, one of the most substantial advantages of social media is the flexibility it provides for users. With some basic tasks on nearly every types 💥(gr: every đi với số ít) -> every type of device, people can connect with others from around the globe, from their friends and family to colleagues and business partners. Individuals who are not tech-savvy can easily master the operations and mechanism 💥(wf: mechanisms hợp lý hơn) -> mechanisms of smartphones, thereby using apps such as Messenger or Gmail to interact. Not to mention, these online platforms can also have an uplift on 💥(gr: in là hợp lý hơn) -> in education and work, especially in great 💥(wc: từ này không phù hợp) -> major pandemics. Taking COVID-19 as a prime example, with the social distancing policy, the world had to acquire a different means of communication with a view to not disturb the learning and working flow 💥(wc: không tự nhiên) -> to avoid disrupting the learning and working flow. Therefore, Zoom and Google Meet emerged as alternative methods to interact, mitigating the implications of the epidemics 💥(wc: không phù hợp) -> impact of the pandemic.

On the flip side, the advent of online social platforms also comes with its share of problems. Given the convenience social media brings to users, this advantage can unfortunately foster a sense of dependence, leading to technology -overuse 💥(gr: không có dấu gạch ngang) -> overuse. Should individuals dive deep into the virtual benefits through those platforms, they are likely to gain deviated societal awareness 💥(wc: từ này không tự nhiên) -> a distorted sense of social awareness and as a result, refuse to take up 💥(wc: từ này không phù hợp) -> engage in face-to-face interaction. Added to this risk is the unnecessary misunderstandings resulting from the act of online communication. When face-to-face interaction is limited, people’s expression cannot be precisely interpreted, leading to misinformation and mistrust among friends and family members. This does not only negatively affect relationships among individuals but also conversely reduce 💥(vf: phải là số ít) -> reduces the efficiency of social interactions.

In conclusion, although there are clear benefits to the use of social media to communicate worldwide, it is also important to recognize the potential pitfalls of overusing this technological advancement. The extent to which the advantages outweigh the drawbacks will depend on several factors, including the purposes of users and how dependent they are on media. As long as people are aware of the significance of both face-to-face interaction and online communication, they can strike a balance between these methods and can 💥(repetition: bỏ can vì thừa) -> lead to a more sociable lifestyle.

Other feedback:

🟦 Ideas Development and Cultural Sensitivity: Cố gắng. viết câu đa chiều, thêm chi tiết và ví dụ cụ thể cho những phần nào lợi ích và phần nào có thể gây hại để làm rõ ý hơn. Ví dụ, "Mặc dù mạng xã hội giúp kết nối dễ dàng hơn, nhưng đôi khi nó lại khiến chúng ta quên mất giá trị của cuộc trò chuyện trực tiếp, cái điều mà không thể thay thế."

🟦 Consistency/ Linearity and Logic: Em cần viết liền mạch hơn. Ở đoạn 2,ví dụ: "Social media offers unparalleled flexibility for users, enabling them to connect with friends, family, and colleagues across the globe. This is particularly beneficial during major pandemics, where traditional means of communication are disrupted. For instance, during COVID-19..." Đẩy các phương tiện liên kết: this, it, these vào.

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện:

• The flexibility of social media is beyond measure, allowing unprecedented connections worldwide.

• đảo ngữ: By no means should we let social media replace the invaluable face-to-face interactions.

• đảo: At the crux of the social media debate lies the delicate balance between virtual and real-world interactions. - MỞ

• prep phrase ở đầu: Beyond question, social media's impact on education and work during crises has been significant."

🟦 Repetition and Collocation: Em tránh lặp lại "social media" quá nhiều lần trong một đoạn văn. Thay vào đó, sử dụng các cụm từ như "these platforms," "this technology," hoặc "online networks" để đa dạng hóa ngôn ngữ. Ví dụ: "These platforms provide unparalleled flexibility" Em cũng có thể dùng "emerged" hoặc "arose" thay vì "appeared" để văn phong phong phú hơn.

🟦 Vấn đề chính của bài luận: Bài viết còn khá thiên về liệt kê hơn là phân tích sâu về tác động của mạng xã hội. Cần cải thiện bằng cách đưa ra nhiều ví dụ cụ thể và chi tiết hơn, cũng như phát triển ý để bài viết có sự sâu sắc và thuyết phục hơn.

PHRASES TO REMEMBER: every type; mechanisms; in education and work; major pandemics; avoid disrupting; alternative methods; overuse; a distorted sense of social awareness; engage in face-to-face interaction; reduces the efficiency.

• At the crux of ... debate lies the delicate balance between ...

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌ └────────────────────

Chú ý:
- Bớt giải thích nhiều >> cho thêm ví dụ cụ thể các phần lợi và hại
+ VD: nói về một thứ gì đấy, "cái mà sẽ khiến..."
- Phải thêm các từ LIÊN KẾT liền mạch: This, these, it...
- Cần đa dạng cấu trúc ngữ pháp: Đảo ngữ
** VẤN ĐỀ: Thiên về LIỆT KÊ >> Cần PHÂN TÍCH: bằng Ví dụ, dẫn chứng, liên kết câu (this, these) để phát triển ý

+ social media = these platforms = this technology = online networks
+ appear = emerge = arise

Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside for children is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places for children to grow up?

Topic: City vs. Countryside for Child Development

With no end to the debate of 💥 -> over city-living and countryside-living, questions about selecting the right lifestyle for children are looming large. Although living in cities can give them an edge over those living in rural areas, I contend that this is not the only way to develop someone's 💥 (wc: "someone's" không rõ ai, hay là: the only way towards personal growth?) . This essay will delve into the benefits and drawbacks of both lifestyles.

Undeniably, city life can provide children with a multitude of chances for the future. With the diversity and openness of metropolises, they are exposed to a variety of opportunities in society. By having access to high-quality educational institutions and a socializing community, students will irrefutably gain essential knowledge and fundamental skills for their career prospects. However, city-living comes with certain downsides, with the most notable being the stressful requirements and demanding schedule that almost all children adopt. The competitive environment and fast-paced life can place an unprecedented pressure 💥 (coll) -> immense pressure on the young generation, and are likely to result in high stress levels in densely-populated cities, such as New York City or Massachusetts 💥 (wc: Massachusetts là bang, thành phố) -> Boston.

On the flip side, despite the assumptions that country-dwellers often confront, this lifestyle eventually 💥 (wc: "ultimately" chính xác hơn) -> ultimately facilitates a healthier environment for the youngsters. The pure serenity of the suburbs does not only 💥 (gr: không đúng cấu trúc) -> not only does improve people's physical and mental well-being but also relieve 💥 (gr) -> relieves the undue burden which children have shouldered 💥 (tense) -> shoulder. Nevertheless, beside the mentioned advantages, this living style can unfortunately do a disservice to the development of the young to some extent. Given the limited educational provision and the lack of opportunities, rural living can hamper children's upbringing as well as their future prospects. That is not to mention the negative effects of fewer social and cultural activities, which could impact social skills. If anything, the country youngsters can hardly catch up with their city peers unless they double their innate efforts and abilities, something that not everyone has.

In conclusion, both environments offer unique benefits and challenges, it is crucial that parents neutralize and combine positive elements of both lifestyles to ensure a well-rounded growing environment and diverse experiences for their children.

Other feedback:

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện (cùng ý đó, nhưng sử dụng từ tạo hiệu ứng nhấn mạnh hơn): ****QUAN TRỌNG****

1. Amidst the turmoil of city life, the serenity of rural living shines like a beacon of tranquility.

2. City children are at the forefront of technological advancements, yet they often pay the price with their peace of mind.

3. The fast-paced city life, undeniably, comes at the expense of a child's unburdened happiness.

4. In the grand scheme of things, balancing both lifestyles might be the key to a holistic development.

🟦 Literary Languages: Em cũng có thể sử dụng châm biếm hoặc phép ẩn dụ để làm rõ hơn những vấn đề của cả hai môi trường sống. Ví dụ, "City life, with its glittering façade, often hides the underlying stress and competition that children face daily."

🟦 Repetition and Collocation: Em tránh lặp lại từ "opportunities" nhiều lần. Thay, ví dụ: "prospects," "avenues," hoặc "pathways". Em có thể dùng "educational institutions" hoặc "learning environments" thay vì "schools" để văn phong nghe chuyên nghiệp hơn.

Chú ý:
+ opportunities = prospects = avenues = pathways
+ schools = educational institutions = learning environments
(dùng yet = but)
- Amidst the turmoil of **
- shine like a beacon of tranquility
- be at the forefront of
- pay the price with + thứ phải đánh đổi
- In the grand scheme of things **
- be the key to

Hardly can anyone deny that not every high schooler has the ability to provide help for others. In order to do so, the youngsters should already acquire themselves with (exp) -> equip themselves with / acquire the knowledge and know-how for the job they are in charge of. Unfortunately, not many of them fulfill this condition. While some may argue that should the community have the demand for volunteers then students might take an attempt (câu đã dài rồi thì ko dùng cụm dài nữa) -> attempt / try, this argument is far from convincing as the adolescent (gr) -> adolescents / teenagers cannot handle the workload or tackle the emergency situation then adults will be to blame.

Admittedly, in many respects, the social service may broaden students' horizon (gr) -> horizons, equip them with new skills which they can mandate down the line (exp lạ) -> use in the future / apply later. However, not all of them are suitable with (gr) -> for the learning-by-doing style, as many others prefer the theoretical way, so participating in such activities can otherwise do a disservice to the young. This is not to mention compulsory attendance could build resentment between the student and the educational system, since it is inevitably there will be the advent of a sense of restraint (exp) -> it will inevitably lead to a sense of restraint / inevitably, a sense of restraint will develop, let alone the deprivation of time for their focused subjects.

Hardly anyone can deny that music and art are of less importance in society. Logical or scientific subjects, such as Math, Physics, or Chemistry, are gaining immense prevalence and preference as these are fundamental in nourishing students' understanding of the foundation for success (EXP: building a foundation for students' success). Meanwhile, art and music are nothing but supplementary subjects and are only necessarily needed (EXP: required) for some special disciplines. Not only do these subjects require creativity but also innate talent, which most pupils lack. While many argue that practice makes perfect, as long as you are diligent, you will soon master it. However, this argument is far from convincing since, for the uninterested, there will never be a decent outcome.

Admittedly, mandating art and music in the secondary curriculum can act as a gap for students to ease their anxiety. Nevertheless, those who are academically inclined will not pay their attention in these areas (EXP: focus on these areas) and accuse them of depriving the students of time and effort that can be spent on other academic subjects. This reality can lead to resentment towards the education system and also affect students' mental well-being. That is not to mention (EXP: Additionally) compulsory attendance could result in a lack of motivation and gradually boost a sense of rebellion in the students themselves. In a society which touts democracy, it is essential to let students or people at large make their own choices freely instead of enforcing them.

In brief, although art and music classes are instrumental in fostering creativity and imagination, enriching one's inner world, making these classes compulsory for secondary students, in contrast (EXP: however), evokes many challenges and flipsides. I hold that students should be given the right to decide what they learn so that they can develop in the way they and their family want.

With the ongoing rise of discussions around older generations’ traditional advice for the young, questions about the importance of these conventional ideas are looming large. Although there is a common assumption that these pieces of advice are of no use for youngsters to face modern life 💥 (wc: cách dùng từ không tự nhiên) -> irrelevant for youngsters facing modern life, I believe they can pay big dividends since they can provide the young generation with skills and experiences.

One compelling justification in support of older generations’ ideas is that these things 💥 (wc: chung chung, thiếu cụ thể) -> pieces of advice originate from the adults’ own real experiences. In essence, these pieces of advice were accumulated after years of working and confronting different problems in society. Therefore, these 💥 (gr) -> they can be the most essential advantages that the young can equip themselves with. Those in Vietnam are prime examples for this since youngsters 💥 (gr) -> of this, as youngsters tend to ask their parents or other successful figures for some ideas before choosing their major, which can have huge effects on their future life. Another supporting reason for older generations’ conventional advice is that the behaviours or thoughts adults wanted the young to have 💥 -> behaviors and thoughts adults advocate for the young are actually things that are most suitable for the working world. By adopting these ideas, people can know how to make others raise a sense of sympathy for them 💥 -> develop a sense of empathy towards them. If anything, this has huge benefits for the young in life, especially in the working environments 💥 (wc: số ít) -> the working environment. 

However, adults’ traditional ideas also come with their share of problems. With the fast-paced life and the development of modern day, some knowledge or standards of the seniors, which used to be advantages, turn out to be 💥 -> have become outdated. We need not look further than the case of some Western countries, such as the US or England, where parents and adults let their children choose what to do with their own life and expose them to society , but of course under supervision 💥 (gr: câu dài và lủng củng) -> lives while exposing them to society, albeit under supervision. This makes them adopt decisions which align with social norms 💥 -> that align with social norms. That is not to mention the misunderstanding that youngsters could come across among their peers when their mindsets or behaviours do not fit in with the age norms, leading to a sense of marginalisation 💥 -> That is ot to mention the misunderstandings youngsters might encounter among their peers when their mindsets or behaviors do not fit in with age norms, leading to marginalization. Unless people realize that these conventional ideas are, in fact, a double-edged sword, they can encounter certain hardships in later life.

In conclusion, while accepting older generations’ traditional ideas about living styles can be irritating at first, I firmly believe it will have a positive outcome later in life, despite some drawbacks. As long as youngsters can strike a balance between adults’ advice and personal experiences, they can definitely lead a better life in society.

Other feedback:

🟦 Linearity and Logic: Thêm CÁC TỪ KẾT NỐI NGẦM (this, these, such, them, too, some, others, ones, too) để giúp ý tưởng của em mạch lạc hơn. Ví dụ: "One compelling justification is the real-life experiences these pieces of advice are based on. These experiences, accumulated over years, provide the young with essential advantages." Em cũng nên phát triển thêm logic nhượng bộ, tương phản hoặc điều kiện vào. Ví dụ "Although these ideas might seem outdated, they often contain timeless wisdom that remains relevant."

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện:

(1) These pieces of advice were accumulated after years of working. -> These pieces of advice were forged through years of toil and experience.

(2) Metaphor:

They can provide the young generation with skills and experiences. -> They can arm the young generation with invaluable skills and experiences.

(3) Prepositional phrase

These pieces of advice were accumulated after years of working.

-> Through years of working, these pieces of advice were accumulated.

(4) Emphasis

Older generations’ traditional ideas have both advantages and disadvantages. -> Traditional advice may appear outdated. Yet, beneath the surface, it holds timeless truths (nhấn mạnh).

🟦 Nhận xét chung: Bài viết của em đã có thể nêu được những ý tưởng cơ bản về lợi ích và hạn chế của lời khuyên từ thế hệ trước.

Để lên band, cần mở rộng và *làm rõ các ví dụ cụ thể* hơn, sử dụng các *cụm từ kết nối* và ngôn ngữ phong phú hơn để tạo nên một bài viết thuyết phục và mạch lạc.

Chú ý:
- Câu mở đầu KHÔNG đừng dùng từ chung chung để chỉ subject
- Sau câu đầu có thể dùng các từ liên kết ẩn (this, these...)
- a prime example OF this
- thoughts sb1 want sb2 to have = sb1 ADVOCATE for sb2
- develop a sense of N towards
- their LIVES
- Ctruc: do sth while Ving, albeit...
- come across >> encounter
- provide sb with = arm sb with

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Road Safety and Legal Driving Age

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.5; CC: 7.0; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨

Amidst the turmoil of accidents caused by teenage drivers, questions about whether or not the minimum legal driving age should be enforced are looming large. Although many people believe this action is unnecessary to some extent, I firmly believe that the law on legal driving pays big dividends since it has the potential to reduce accident rates and promote a safety driving culture.

My practical argument in support of mandating the minimum driving age has to do with the experiences in driving of older people. Studies have shown that adults are generally more mature and experienced when it comes to administering a mean 💥 (wc: phương tiện không phải là "mean" mà là "means") -> means of transport. While many argue that the teenagers can also have enough experiences and skills associated with driving if they are exposed to cars or motorcycles and practise using them from a young age, it is far from convincing since older individuals undeniably have greater emotional stability, which youngsters often lack. This allows them to handle and confront unexpected situations that appear in traffic, ensuring safer driving. If anything, the young should only be allowed to observe the operations and mechanisms in 💥 (prep: từ đúng phải là "from") -> from the co-driver's seat when they are under the limited age, not engaging in driving.

Despite this, critics argue that there are other comprehensive approaches to address the pressing problems of accidents without having to enforce a minimum driving age. By improving driving training programs for teenagers, governments can enhance safety regardless of drivers' age. We need not look further than the case of Western countries such as Germany with robust driving education systems and proper curricula which fits 💥 (gr: chủ ngữ số nhiều "curricula" nên động từ là "fit") -> fit learners' demands to see that drivers are fully equipped with the needed fundamental skills and well-prepared for every situation on the road. That is not to mention the significance of advanced traffic systems and strict enforcement that reduce accidents, which could have uplifting impacts on road safety records and eventually decrease accident rates. Unless these aspects receive adequate attention from authorities and stakeholders, they will risk witnessing road accidents to soar 💥 (gr) -> soar.

In conclusion, while raising the legal driving age could enhance safety, improving driver education and traffic systems may provide a more comprehensive solution to tackle this global issue. As long as individuals are aware of the pitfalls of administering a vehicle at a young age and the importance of driving skills, they can avoid the risks and be safe.

Other feedback:

🟦 Ideas Development and Cultural Sensitivity: Đừng chỉ tập trung vào lợi ích của việc tăng độ tuổi lái xe hợp pháp. Em có thể mở rộng bài viết bằng cách đưa ra các counterargument hoặc giải thích chi tiết hơn về các giải pháp thay thế. Ví dụ: em có thể nói về tầm quan trọng của hệ thống giáo dục lái xe nâng cao và cách mà nó có thể giảm thiểu tai nạn giao thông mà không cần phải tăng độ tuổi lái xe hợp pháp.

🟦 Linearity and Logic: Em nên chuyển sang các từ kết nối ngầm. Ví dụ: "Such measures can significantly enhance road safety." Hoặc ví dụ: "Studies have shown that adults are generally more mature... This maturity allows them to handle and confront unexpected situations in traffic." Em cũng có thể phát triển ý, thêm logic nhượng bộ, tương phản hoặc điều kiện. Ví dụ "While raising the legal driving age could enhance safety, improving driver education and traffic systems may provide a more comprehensive solution to tackle this global issue." - Câu mở đoạn 2 (2 đối tượng)

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện

• metaphor: Studies have shown that adults are generally more mature and experienced. -> Studies have shown that adults, like seasoned navigators, are generally more mature and experienced.

• prepositional phrase: Studies have shown that adults are generally more mature and experienced. -> In terms of maturity and experience, studies have shown that adults are generally more proficient.

• Tách câu tạo độ giật gây ấn tượng: "My practical argument in support of mandating a minimum driving age has to do with the experiences in driving of older people." -> "My argument is not just about age. Rather, it is about the invaluable experience that comes with it."

🟦 Nhận xét chung: Bài luận của em đã nêu được quan điểm rõ ràng và có lập luận chặt chẽ. Tuy nhiên, em cần chú ý hơn đến ngữ pháp và từ vựng để tránh lỗi nhỏ và tăng tính mạch lạc.

Để lên band, cần thêm các ví dụ cụ thể và logic nhượng bộ, tương phản vào bài viết để thể hiện hiểu biết sâu và đa chiều về vấn đề.

Chú ý:
- Cấu trúc tách câu giật: My argument is not just about sth1. Rather, it is about sth2 that comes with it
- Dùng cấu trúc khác: In terms of...

In most science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the numbers?

Topic: Gender Imbalance in Science Courses

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7; CC: 7; VC: 7; GR: 6.5✨ ══════════════════════════nn═

With no end to the gender imbalance rates in science courses at universities in the world 💥 (wc: thừa) -> globally, much discussion has been rightly devoted to understanding the root causes of this issue. This essay will delve into the triggers for 💥 (gr) -> of the mentioned problem and propose preemptive measures against imbalance rates in gender 💥 (gr: trật tự từ không tự nhiên) -> against gender imbalance in this crucial field.

There are two main culprits for this sex disparity rates 💥 (gr: thừa từ "rates", từ này không cần thiết ở đây) -> sex disparity in science courses. The most common cause has to do with the gender stereotypes that women have to face all over the world. It is widely acknowledged that they are discouraged by the 💥 (gr) -> Ø societal prejudices about their majors and jobs in the future. This is particularly true in many Asian and Middle Eastern countries, where they recommend them to study science-related subjects 💥 (gr: câu bị lỗi ngữ pháp, không rõ chủ ngữ) -> women are discouraged from studying science-related subjects because of their traditional views about women's roles, and as a result, job opportunities in this field for women are not as open as for men. Another leading factor for 💥 (gr: giới từ không đúng) -> in this issue is that it lacks 💥 (gr: trật tự từ không đúng) -> there is a lack of female role models in the discipline. Since few women partake in science and contribute to the development of this area, fewer and fewer young girls are ready 💥 (wc: từ này không đúng nghĩa) -> willing to enroll in science courses as their major down the line. With both factors combined, sex imbalance in science-related fields is becoming pronounced in this male-dominant society.

At the heart of the combat against gender imbalance is the need to adopt proactive measures. There should be attempts on the part of governments and educators to offer incentives, especially financial, to the 💥 (gr: thừa từ "the", không cần thiết) -> Ø female students, thereby fostering better engagement of women in science. We need not look further than the case of Canada, where scholarships are provided by the state to see that the proportion of young girls participating in the STEM field is remarkably higher than other countries without scholarships. Another compelling remedy is to enhance educational knowledge and raise awareness in society about women in STEM. By promoting science careers to girls and their families, who have the power to alternate 💥 (wc: từ này không phù hợp nghĩa) -> influence their future occupations, we can change the mistaken perceptions and myths, giving women confidence to pursue achievements in such fields.

In conclusion, given the ongoing rise of gender imbalance in science courses, addressing gender stereotypes and providing support for women in science can help balance the numbers and promote diversity in STEM fields. As long as people are aware of the potential for females and get rid of conventional thoughts, there will be more role models for the girls in these important disciplines.

Other feedback:

Câu / cụm có thể cải thiện:

(1) "gender imbalance rates in science courses" -> "the persistent gender gap in science courses"

(2) "women are discouraged from studying science-related subjects" -> "women are steered away from science-related subjects"

(3) emphasis: "job opportunities in this field for women are not as open as for men" -> "job opportunities in this field for women are anything but open compared to those for men"

🟦 Collocation and Word range: Tránh dùng từ "gender imbalance" quá nhiều lần. Thay vào đó, dùng "gender gap", "disparity in gender representation", hoặc "inequity in gender participation".

🟦 Nhận xét chung về bài luận: Bài luận đã có thể nêu rõ vấn đề và giải pháp. Cần cải thiện bằng cách phát triển thêm các ý nhượng bộ và tương phản.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక ˙ᵕ˙ 𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

Chú ý:
- sb be discouraged from = be steered away from
- there is a lack of
- be willing to V 

Everyone agrees that personal safety is of paramount concern, yet there is no consensus on how best to manage engaging in 💥 (gr) -> engaging with extreme sports. While some argue that restricting the participation in dangerous sports 💥 (gr) -> participation in dangerous sports is a must, others champion the rights to have the freedom to experience the risky feelings associated with those sports. This essay will delve into these conflicting views before my opinion is given as follows.

The case for promoting engagement in dangerous sports when considering life satisfaction 💥 (e áp dụng công thức bị thiếu, check lại xem em) -> lies in the enhancement of life satisfaction. In essence, extreme sports are often implemented under rigorous supervision and regulations, ensuring the safety of players and posting 💥 (wc) -> posing no hazard to the others 💥 (gr) -> others. This enrollment 💥 (wc) -> involvement can foster excitement and enrich self-exploration in life with regard to sports. Another supporting reason for allowing extreme sports is that they can undeniably bring tourism profits as visitors can hardly have an attempt in 💥 (gr) -> experience such one-of-a-kind activities. This is particularly true in countries with suitable topographic 💥 (wf) -> topography that enables them to host sport-experience venues such as Switzerland and its famous bungee jumping.

Conversely, the argument against extreme sports echoes the concerns over increaseed 💥 (sp) -> increased accident rates often correlated with those who take part in the sports, not the experts but amateurs. All too often, images and advertisements about these risky sports tend to stimulate youngsters to engage in them without adequate safety gears 💥 (wc: gear dùng không đếm được) -> gear due to the lack of money. This results in unwanted disastrous accidents and can be 💥 (gr) -> can result in a loss of life and property. False commitment to dangerous sports can also lead to a nuisance to society, as highlighted in cases when governments have to provide funds and welfare for accidental incidences 💥 (wc) -> incidents to address the implications. At best, these cases underscore that the issue is not extreme sports engagement in and of itself, but rather the control or lack thereof over it.

In the final analysis, it is clear that the debate over dangerous sports is anything but straightforward. At the crux of this argument lies the belief that by virtue of participating in these sports, people have a chance to experience feelings of excitement. However, this should be done on the premise of enforced regulations and supervision of the professionals 💥 (gr) -> professionals to ensure the safety of partakers.

Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: Có thể mở thú vị như: While safety is crucial, the human spirit often craves the thrill that only extreme sports can provide.

🟦 Linearity and Logic: Thêm các từ kết nối ngầm. Ví dụ: "This excitement can lead to a deeper self-exploration and personal growth." Ví dụ nữa: "Additionally, such activities attract tourists, boosting local economies." Em cũng nên phát triển ý, thêm logic nhượng bộ, tương phản hoặc điều kiện vào. Ví dụ: "Although these sports carry inherent risks, proper regulation and supervision can mitigate potential dangers."

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện:

• Undeniably bring tourism profits -> Indubitably boost tourism revenue.

• This results in unwanted disastrous accidents -> This results in those pesky, unwanted disasters that no one ever sees coming.

• Emphasis shift sentence: Regulations ensure safety. Thrills ensure satisfaction."

🟦 Collocation and Word range:

• Jargon: adrenaline rush, risk assessment, safety protocols, thrill-seekers, hazard mitigation

• To improve controversial tone: tránh lặp từ "extreme sports" quá nhiều lần. Thay, ví dụ: "adventurous activities," "high-risk sports." E cũng có thể dùng "such activities" hoặc "these endeavors" thay vì "those sports." Để tăng tính tranh cãi, dùng "By no means" để nhấn mạnh quan điểm phản đối hoặc "Evidently" để củng cố lập luận.

🟦 Nhận xét chung: Bài viết đã có thể bao quát được các luận điểm chính. Để lên band, cần:

1. Tăng cường tính liên kết bằng cách dùng các cụm từ nối tự nhiên và đa dạng hơn.

2. Sử dụng ví dụ cụ thể và sinh động hơn để minh họa các luận điểm.

3. Tránh lặp từ và dùng các cụm từ thay thế để tăng tính tranh cãi và phong phú cho bài viết.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌ ═════════════════════nn════

Chú ý:
- extreme sports = adventurous activities = high-risk sports
- those sports = those sports = these endeavors
- Tăng tính TRANH CÃI: By no means (nhấn mạnh quan điểm mạnh), Evidently (củng cố lập luận)
- Thêm logic nhượng bộ, tương phản hoặc điều kiện BẰNG CÁCH: dùng Although, While
- bring profits = boost revenue

Many young people today change their jobs or careers every few years. Do you think this has more advantages than disadvantages?

Topic: Frequent Job Changes among Young People

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨

Corrected Essay with Feedback:

Frequent job changes among youngsters have been a global trend recently, but there is not much consensus on whether this is a positive or negative phenomenon. This essay will delve into both perspectives and determine to what extent the benefits of job changing outweigh the drawbacks.

Undeniably, one of the most substantial advantages of career changes in 💥 (gr: thiếu giới từ "for") -> for young people has to do with gaining experiences 💥 (sp) -> experience. These diverse changes, which is 💥 (gr) -> are usually made once every few years, can equip the young 💥 (wc young people trong th này sẽ tự nhiên hơn. the young là giới trẻ) -> young people with important sets of skills that the previous workplaces hardly provide them 💥 (gr) -> to them. This is particularly true in tech hubs such as Silicon Valley, where young professionals often switch roles with each other, allowing them to be exposed to different technology 💥 (wf) -> technologies and new valuable experiences. Not to mention, changing jobs also has an uplifting impact on one's whole career by leading them to access 💥 -> gain access to more open opportunities. While many argue that this action can result in low-appreciated CVs, job chances and better working environments are of utmost importance for all white-collared workers globally.

On the flip side, there are a number of disadvantages associated with changing job 💥 (gr: thiếu số nhiều "jobs") -> changing jobs frequently. Employees, in this case, may miss out on long-term benefits that companies offer to their loyal workers such as pensions and welfares 💥 (sp) -> welfare. This drawbacks 💥 (gr: số nhiều -> "these drawbacks") could result in unwanted insecurity in the future, when youngsters no longer work. We need not look further than the case of enterprises in countries like Germany shows that they provide significant long-term employee benefits to those who are dedicated, giving them an edge in their later lives. Added to this risk is the lack of job stability correlated with career changes. Although tempting opportunities and experiences are invaluable, unstability 💥 (wf: "instability" mới đúng) -> instability and insecurity are unavoidable and can ultimately put the moderns at risk down the line.

In conclusion, while job changes can provide growth and new opportunities, the lack of stability and long-term benefits can be a significant drawback. The extent to which the advantages outweigh the downsides will depend on certain situations and conditions of young people. .... As long as they are aware of what they will get and lose, they can strike a balance in their career choices.

SCORE EXPLAINED:

🟥TR: 7.0
Bài viết đáp ứng khá tốt yêu cầu của đề và phân tích cả hai mặt của vấn đề. Tuy nhiên, phần kết luận chưa thực sự sâu sắc và cần làm rõ hơn lý do tại sao những lợi ích lại lớn hơn (chỗ ba chấm).

🟥CC: 6.5
Bài viết có cấu trúc rõ ràng, nhưng phần chuyển đoạn chưa mượt mà và logic chưa thật chặt chẽ. Cần thêm từ nối ngầm và cách trình bày hợp lý hơn để tăng tính liền mạch. Ví dụ: "This being the case, the dynamic environment of sectors like technology not only encourages but almost necessitates (đòi hỏi) frequent job transitions."

🟥VC: 7.0
Từ vựng phong phú, có sử dụng từ đồng nghĩa và cách diễn đạt khác nhau. Tuy nhiên, một số từ chưa hoàn toàn tự nhiên và có thể cải thiện để trôi chảy hơn.

🟥GR: 6.5
Bài viết mắc một số lỗi về ngữ pháp và cấu trúc câu, từ loại. Để đạt điểm cao hơn, cần chú ý hơn đến cách chia động từ và sử dụng câu phức tạp hơn.

Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: Cần thêm một câu gây tranh cãi như: "Frequent job changes are anything but a mere trend in today's society." hoặc "The norm of frequent job changes is at odds with traditional career paths." Để mở bài thêm ấn tượng.

🟦 Ideas Development and Cultural Sensitivity: Thêm phản bác cho đối lập, ví dụ "While stability is undoubtedly valued, the dynamic nature of the modern economy leaves little room for long-term commitments, particularly for young professionals."

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện:
(1) "Employees miss out on long-term benefits" -> "By no means do employees gain the long-term benefits expected from loyalty."
(2) "Youngsters no longer work" -> "When employment is no longer an option, stability becomes beyond reach."
(3) "Significant long-term employee benefits" -> "Substantial, often beyond compare, long-term benefits."
(4) "Giving them an edge in their later lives" -> "Giving them a competitive edge, far beyond their prime."
(5) "Tempting opportunities" -> "All too often, the allure of new opportunities."
(6) "This drawbacks could" -> "By no means could these drawbacks"
(7) "Instability and insecurity are unavoidable" -> "Instability is inevitable. In no way is insecurity avoidable."

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Balance between Studying and Physical Activities for Children

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.5; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨

Given the significance of extracurricular activities in children these days, questions concerning whether parents should steer their child 💥 (gr: "children" rồi thì số nhiều nhé em, "child" -> "children") away from studying to other physical activities are in the center of 💥 (wc: ko tự nhiên em ạ, sửa thành "at the center of" hợp lý hơn) many debates recently. While academic works 💥 (wf: "work" là danh từ ko đếm đc e nhé, còn đếm được thì nghĩa là tác phẩm) -> "work" help the young 💥 (wc: cụm từ này hơi cứng nhắc e, sửa thành "children" cho tự nhiên hơn) with their achievements and even future careers, I do believe that exercising pays big dividends since it develops strength and raises better awareness for children.

One compelling justification for advocating physical exercises is that they can undeniably improve youngsters' overall fitness. These activities, in fact, enhance children's both physical and mental 💥 (gr: trật tự từ, phải là "both children’s physical and mental") well-being since they are away from the burden of school work, thereby 💥 (wc: chưa đúng chỗ em, nên đặt cuối câu) -> "which reduces" obesity rates are reduced by working out in lieu of sitting in one position. This is particularly true in countries with robust PE programs such as Finland, where students have healthier fitness conditions as well as well-rounded 💥 (wf: ý em nói là chương trình giáo dục toàn diện thì nên dùng "well-rounded education" hoặc "curriculum", chứ ko phải "well-rounded curricula" nhé) -> well-rounded education. Another supporting reason for physical activities among children has to do with different soft skills they are equipped with when engaging in exercising. Such activities can indubitably introduce the importance of teamwork, leadership, and discipline to the participants, developing a sense of camaraderie among them. These exercises are so crucial that, if missed, can deprive young people of adequate health and capability to tackle any problems in their later lives.

Nevertheless, these extracurricular activities also come with its 💥 (gr: "their") share of problems. Focusing on schoolwork is substantially crucial as academic success ultimately affects young people's future career paths. By no means do parents want their kids to have struggles 💥 (struggle) in their lives; therefore, academic study should be enforced. That is not to mention the need for study habits. If students are deprived of the time spent on their homework by encouraging them to engage in other entertaining outdoor activities too often, they will lose momentum in their performance and eventually break their learning habit. To prevent this, parents in China often encourage regular studying to maintain discipline and flow of memory 💥 (wc: chỗ này "memory retention" nghe tự nhiên hơn). If anything, physical activities should only take few 💥 (gr: thiếu "a" e nhé -> "a few") hours a day, apart from other daily routines.

In conclusion, while promoting physical activities is essential for health and soft skills, maintaining a balance with academic responsibilities ensures holistic development for children. As long as parents are aware of the significance of both paths, they can manage to find suitable tailored learning-exercising programs for their children.

SCORE EXPLAINED:

🟥TR: 7.0
Bài viết đáp ứng tốt yêu cầu của đề, đã phân tích cả hai mặt của vấn đề và đưa ra kết luận rõ ràng. Tuy nhiên, lập luận chưa thực sự sâu sắc, và cần thêm ví dụ cụ thể hơn để minh họa cho các ý. Cũng có thể dùng: "... can be justified with concrete examples from..." để không chỉ phân tích mà còn làm bài viết sâu hơn. Counterargument có nhưng chưa đủ mạnh, e có thể thêm các lập luận phản biện như "...one could argue that..., however, ...".

🟥CC: 7.5
Cấu trúc bài viết khá tốt, có sự kết nối giữa các ý chính. Tuy nhiên, một số đoạn chuyển tiếp chưa mượt mà, cần thêm từ nối để làm rõ mối liên hệ giữa các ý. Cần phát triển thêm phần nhượng bộ hoặc tương phản để bài viết phong phú hơn. Ví dụ: "... on the one hand, ..., yet on the other, ...", hoặc "Far from being a trivial matter, ...".

🟥VC: 7.0
Từ vựng sử dụng phong phú, nhưng có một số từ dùng chưa chính xác hoặc tự nhiên, cần cải thiện để bài viết trôi chảy hơn. Tránh sử dụng từ "child" và "children" lặp lại quá nhiều lần. E cũng có thể dùng "offspring," "juveniles," hoặc "the younger generation" thay vì "children". Để tăng tính tranh cãi, dùng "In no uncertain terms," "It goes without saying" hoặc "By all accounts" cho các ý chính.

🟥GR: 6.5
Ngữ pháp khá ổn, nhưng vẫn còn vài lỗi nhỏ về chia động từ, cấu trúc câu và từ loại. Để đạt điểm cao hơn, cần tránh những lỗi cơ bản và sử dụng ngữ pháp phức tạp hơn. Nên dùng mệnh đề phụ để làm phong phú thêm câu, ví dụ: "...which, by its very nature, ..." hoặc "Not only does it..., but it also...".

Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: Có thể mở bằng một câu gây tranh cãi: "Extracurricular activities may seem trivial, but they are anything but insignificant in a child's development." Cũng có thể thách thức common belief như: "Contrary to popular opinion,...".

🟦 Câu có thể cải thiện:
(1) "Physical exercises undeniably improve overall fitness" -> "By all accounts, physical exercises undeniably stand at the forefront of improving overall fitness."
(2) "Extracurricular activities come with its share of problems." -> "Extracurricular activities, by no means insignificant, come with their fair share of problems."
(3) "Parents should steer their child away from studying." -> "Parents, far from neglecting their children's education, should consider steering them towards a balanced lifestyle."
(4) "Study habits help maintain memory." -> "Study habits, if anything, are pivotal in maintaining memory retention."
(5) "Focusing on schoolwork is crucial." -> "At the crux of academic success lies the unwavering focus on schoolwork."
(6) "Physical activities should only take a few hours a day." -> "To no extent should physical activities consume more than a few hours daily."

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements?

Topic: Influence of Advertisements on Consumers

═══nn══════════════════════
🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨

Amidst the turmoil of bombarded 💥 (wc: e ơi, dùng từ này chưa hợp lý, phải là ‘bombarding’ chứ, từ này để chỉ việc các quảng cáo đang gây bão) -> bombarding advertisements from rival companies in our society, questions concerning their effectiveness have been in the center 💥 (wc: mình dùng ‘at the center’ e ạ) -> at the center of many debates recently. While it is a common assumption that these adverts can lead to discomfort for the consumers, I believe that they can pay big dividends for the brands in the long run 💥 (hoặc: yield significant returns for brands over time.)

My practical argument in support of branding advertisements has to do with its 💥 (gr: chủ ngữ số nhiều nên phải là ‘their’ e ạ) -> their psychological impacts on customers. These well-planned ads utilize persuasive techniques of advertising to influence viewers' behaviours. Taking Coca-Cola as a prime example, by using emotional appeals, they have eventually created a sense of brand loyalty among their consumers, boosting revenue after launching new adverts. Another supporting reason for the influences 💥 (wf: nên dùng số ít vì là danh từ không đếm được, nếu số nhiều thì nghĩa là những hành động ảnh hưởng cụ thể ấy) -> influence of ads is that frequent exposure to ads undeniably increases brand awareness. Although many argue that advertisements have no effect on the uninterested, the long-term exposure can ultimately catch the eye of these consumers unintentionally 💥 (wc: câu hơi dài, nên chia nhỏ để dễ hiểu hơn) -> long-term exposure can, ultimately, attract the attention of these consumers, even if unintentionally.

Nevertheless, advertising methods may fall out of favor in today's society as consumers are becoming more skeptical and discerning. This behavior makes sensational billboards and adverts attract none in this customer bracket, making purchases less common 💥 (wc: câu hơi lủng củng và không tự nhiên) -> fail to appeal to this demographic, leading to fewer purchases. This is particularly true when considering online shoppers on platforms such as Amazon or eBay who often rely on reviews and personal research before buying anything. That is not to mention the impact of trend-driven marketing nowadays as word-of-mouth and social trends are better conveyances than conventional ads. This highlights the important role of social media influencers such as KOLs or KOCs in every market.

In conclusion, while advertisements significantly impact consumer behavior and brand recognition, the rise of informed consumers and social media influence limits their overall effectiveness. In the grand scheme of things, it is companies themselves that have to find the most suitable advertising methods for their products to make the most significant impact.

SCORE EXPLAINED:

🟥TR: 7
Bài viết có đáp ứng yêu cầu đề bài, tuy nhiên luận điểm chưa sâu và có phần đơn giản. Để tăng điểm, e có thể sử dụng các luận điểm sâu sắc hơn, chẳng hạn như: "At the crux of consumer behavior lies the paradox of choice, where too many advertisements lead to decision fatigue rather than informed decision-making." hoặc "In the final analysis, it is the subtle, almost imperceptible ads that resonate most with today’s hyper-aware consumers."

🟥CC: 7
Cấu trúc khá tốt, các ý chính liên kết logic. Tuy nhiên, có thể bổ sung các từ kết nối ngầm và phát triển thêm các đoạn nhượng bộ hoặc tương phản. Ví dụ: "Beneath the veneer of consumer independence lies the subtle influence of well-placed ads, which, despite skepticism, often sway purchasing decisions."

🟥VC: 7
Từ vựng chưa phong phú và một số từ chưa tự nhiên, cần cải thiện để bài viết trôi chảy hơn. Để tăng tính tranh cãi, e có thể dùng từ ngữ mạnh mẽ hơn, ví dụ: "undeniably", "flat out wrong". E cũng có thể dùng "discerning" thay vì "skeptical" để tăng tính chuyên môn.

🟥GR: 6.5
Ngữ pháp ổn, nhưng có lỗi cơ bản về chia động từ và từ loại. E nên chú ý hơn để tránh những lỗi này và có thể sử dụng ngữ pháp phức tạp hơn để tăng điểm.

Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: E có thể mở bài bằng một câu gây tranh cãi như: "In a world where ads seem to rule, the real question is whether they still work.

Some people think that companies should recruit people who are hungry for money for the sales position as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions?

Topic: Motivation and Recruitment for Sales Positions

═══nn══════════════════════ 🟥🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.5; CC: 7.0; VC: 7.0; GR: 6.5✨

Amidst the turmoil of motivation of employees while working 💥 (gr: cụm này bị awkward e ạ -> in employee motivation), questions about whether or not money acts as a major incentive for the 💥 (ko cần "the") workers are looming large. While it is a common assumption that financial support is one of the best driving forces in the workplace and can have positive influences on the employees, I believe other factors should also be considered in recruitment for sales positions.

Advocates of money as a driving force often claim that financial motivation can bring immediate revenue for companies by boosting workers' dedication. Hardly anyone can deny that high commission 💥 (gr: thường số nhiều nha e -> commissions) motivates sales staff to perform better and can, as a result, boost a company's economic status. This is particularly true in competitive markets such as real estates 💥 (sp: estate là danh từ không đếm được -> estate) in which sales teams usually thrive on financial incentives apart from their fixed salary. In terms of productivity, this driven force undeniably 💥 (wc "inevitably" chuẩn nghĩa hơn e ạ) results in more diligent workers who would do their best to achieve targets. While many argue that incentive structures can contribute to a competitive working environment, causing undue stress for employees, these burdens are actually the key to achieving economic success in one's life.

On the flip side, while money-driven workers can steer a company towards success despite certain pressure, communication skills and a persistent personality should also be taken into account when recruiting new staff. Effective communication indubitably is crucial for successful sales. This soft skill can eventually equip the sales staff with the power to influence customers' thoughts and decisions if used correctly and sparingly (TỐT, cứ thêm những ý điều chỉnh đúng cấp độ của quan điểm). That is not to mention patience and resilience, the key traits for sales success that should be on the top tier list 💥 (wc: "top-tier" đủ rồi e ạ) when recruiting. These visionaries proved 💥 (gr: thì quá khứ cần hoàn chỉnh-> have proven) that although financial incentives are crucial for staff's proficiency, other categories are also of utmost importance when it comes to recruitment.

In conclusion, while financial motivation is important, recruiting for sales positions should also consider communication skills, persistence, and overall fit with the company culture to ensure long-term success. In the grand scheme of things, it is companies themselves that have to find the most suitable workplace structure for their employees to make the most significant impact.

SCORE EXPLAINED AND DETAILED SUGGESTIONS:

🟥TR: 7.5
Bài viết của em đã thể hiện được ý tưởng rõ ràng và có cấu trúc tốt. Tuy nhiên, lập luận có thể sâu hơn. Chẳng hạn như khi em nhắc đến "communication skills," em có thể phát triển thêm về cách mà kỹ năng này không chỉ quan trọng cho sales mà còn cho việc xây dựng mối quan hệ dài hạn với khách hàng. Thêm vào đó, em cũng có thể xem xét thêm một vài ví dụ cụ thể hơn để chứng minh cho các luận điểm.

🟥CC: 7.0
Bài viết có cấu trúc khá mạch lạc và liên kết giữa các đoạn. Tuy nhiên, em cần thêm các liên từ và cụm từ nối để làm rõ hơn mối quan hệ giữa các ý. Ví dụ, khi chuyển từ việc nói về "money-driven workers" sang các yếu tố khác cần thiết trong tuyển dụng, em có thể dùng cụm từ như "Nevertheless, it is equally important to recognize..." để làm rõ sự chuyển ý.

🟥VC: 7.0
Từ vựng của em tốt. Để tăng sự tranh luận và sức nặng cho bài viết, em có thể sử dụng các cụm từ như "Beyond measure", "In the grand scheme of things", hoặc "At the crux of the matter" để nhấn mạnh.

🟥GR: 6.5
Ngữ pháp của em ổn nhưng vẫn có vài lỗi nhỏ về chia động từ và cấu trúc câu. Để đạt điểm cao hơn, em cần chú ý sử dụng các cấu trúc ngữ pháp phức tạp hơn và tránh những lỗi cơ bản. Ví dụ như dùng thì hiện tại hoàn thành khi cần thiết, hoặc tránh lặp lại từ không cần thiết.

Nowadays, managers and team leaders in different organizations are much younger compared to the past. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 7.5; GR: 6.5✨

With the ongoing trend of recruiting young people for the positions of managers in organizations, much discussion has been rightly devoted to understanding the root causes of this phenomenon. This essay will delve into the reasons why this trend emerged and argue that despite the benefits that young leaders bring, there are also problems that arise from this recruitment.

There are two main triggers for the recruitment of young managers in companies. The most common cause has to do with their positive mindset and problem-solving style. It is widely acknowledged that youngsters tend to have a dynamic style of thinking, which means they can come up with different creative ideas for their working project and boost proficiency in their teams. Another leading factor is that their dedication 💥 (gr: thiếu động từ -> their dedication.) With much of this trait, young managers ensure that they will do their best in their leading job to reap mutual benefits for the team in general. Allowing the young to become leaders not only benefit 💥 (gr: thiếu "s" -> benefits) the teams and the organizations but also act 💥 (gr: sai chủ ngữ -> acts) as an experience for their future career prospects.

In a positive light, recruiting young leaders can help provide them with adequate experiences and soft skills for future pathways since they are able to be exposed to the knowledge and situations of the field early, which helps them avoid mistakes. This is particularly true in the cases of CEOs' children. Since university, these young people have been directed to be interns in their parents' companies so that they can take up hands-on experiences needed for business administration. Not to mention, it is the administrative style of the young that advocates a vibrant, easy-going and less conservative working atmosphere. This development fosters organizations' effectiveness and profits, thereby boosting the nation's economic status.

On the flip side, recruiting young people for important positions may come with its share of problems. In terms of team results, without deep and diverse understandings 💥 (wf: không đếm đc -> understanding) of the field, young leaders have a possibility of causing troubles when making decisions, placing undue burdens on the team. A scientific approach points in a similar direction. Studies have shown that older managers have the stability that some younger ones lack, resulting in better outcomes for both the team and the company. Added to this risk is the higher rate of bankruptcy of small organizations with young leaders than the seasoned 💥 (wc: sai kết hợp từ -> seasoned leaders). Some may argue that with instruction from experienced executives young people can manage to tackle most issues, but they should take the severity of the consequences into full consideration.

In conclusion, although there are clear benefits to recruiting young managers, it is also important to recognize the potential drawbacks. Based on the status of organizations themselves, they can find the best human resources to boost revenue and have a productive workplace.

SCORE EXPLAINED AND DETAILED SUGGESTIONS:

🟥 Task Achievement:
Bài viết đã làm rõ các quan điểm chính về lý do tại sao các nhà quản lý trẻ được tuyển dụng nhiều hơn và những lợi ích, cũng như những vấn đề tiềm ẩn. Tuy nhiên, có thể nhấn mạnh thêm về việc nên cân nhắc kỹ lưỡng cả mặt tích cực và tiêu cực của xu hướng này để đưa ra quyết định tốt nhất cho tổ chức.

🟥 Coherence & Cohesion:
Cấu trúc bài viết khá rõ ràng, nhưng có thể thêm một số từ nối để làm cho các ý tưởng liền mạch hơn như this trend..., such decisions..., these benefits..., their impact..., so this issue..., this balance....

Ví dụ:

1. With much of this trait, these young managers ensure...

2. Allowing the young to become leaders not only benefits the teams but also acts as...

3. This trend in recruitment fosters organizations' effectiveness...

4. Without deep and diverse understanding, these young leaders have a possibility...

5. By combining these benefits with careful consideration, companies can foster a more balanced...

6. Such decisions should take the severity of the consequences into full consideration.

🟥 Vocabulary:
Từ vựng được sử dụng khá tốt, nhưng có một số từ chọn chưa chính xác.

🟥 Grammar:
Ngữ pháp khá ổn, nhưng vẫn còn một vài lỗi về từ loại và chia động từ. Để nâng cao điểm ngữ pháp, e nên chú ý đến việc chia đúng động từ và sử dụng từ loại chính xác hơn. Nên thử sử dụng câu ghép và câu phức để tăng độ phức tạp và tính mạch lạc của bài viết.

🟥 Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: E có thể bắt đầu bài viết bằng một câu khẳng định có tính nghịch lý hoặc ẩn dụ để thu hút sự chú ý, chẳng hạn như: Youth brings energy, but experience shapes wisdom.

🟦 Improved Sentences:

1. Original: With much of this trait, young managers ensure that they will do their best...
   -> With a strong sense of dedication, young managers ensure that they will do their best...

   • Cụm từ rõ ràng và nhấn mạnh sự cam kết.

2. Original: Allowing the young to become leaders not only benefit the teams...
   -> Allowing the young to become leaders not only benefits the teams...

   • Chia động từ đúng theo ngữ pháp.

3. Original: Studies have shown that older managers have the stability that some younger ones lack...
   -> Studies have shown that older managers possess the stability that some younger ones lack...

   • Sử dụng "possess" tạo cảm giác mạnh mẽ và nhấn mạnh hơn.

4. Original: They should take the severity of the consequences into full consideration.
   -> They must consider the full severity of the consequences.

   • Câu văn ngắn gọn, mạch lạc hơn.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝓸𝓂 ▌

Chú ý:
- THÌ THÌ THÌ dời ơi
- tập trung dùng HTĐ và QKĐ thôi nma đúng cách

The pie charts illustrate the levels of satisfaction among undergraduates and postgraduates regarding the range of books and non-print materials in their university's library. Overall, the data reveals a stark disparity in the thoughts of two types of students 💥 (wc: câu này có thể viết nhẹ nhàng tự nhiên hơn) -> Overall, the data reveals a significant difference in the satisfaction levels between the two student groups.

In terms of books, it is apparent that the 💥 undergraduates have balanced preferences regarding this material. More than a third (37%) of them are extremely satisfied with the diversity of books in the library, while 28% of the students believe it was under their expectations 💥 (wc: diễn đạt ko tự nhiên ) -> find the range below their expectations. Postgraduates present an opposite pattern, with half of them contending that the library doesn't have the right range of books they need. This is almost double the figure for those who are satisfied with the provided book range (28%).

Turning to non-print materials, most undergraduates show a high level of satisfaction, accounting for a whopping 68%, contrasting sharply with 💥 (wc) -> compared to just 12% among postgraduates. In stark contrast 💥 (wc: lặp từ với câu trước, có thể thay thế bằng cụm khác) -> Conversely, the postgraduates are greatly unsatisfied with the non-print materials, at a hefty 62%. This leaves a share of about 20% for the neutral in both groups.

• Task Achievement (TA): Bài viết đạt được mục tiêu, nhưng cần kĩ hơn và tăng sự chính xác.

• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Cần cải thiện mạch lạc hơn giữa các câu và đoạn văn, tránh lặp từ.

• Vocabulary (VC): Sử dụng từ vựng chính xác và tự nhiên hơn, tránh các từ và cụm từ không cần thiết.

• Grammar (GR): Chú ý đến các lỗi về thì và cấu trúc câu để làm bài viết gọn gàng và chính xác hơn.

IMPROVED:

The pie charts illustrate the levels of satisfaction among undergraduates and postgraduates regarding the range of books and non-print materials in their university's library. Overall, the data reveals a significant difference in satisfaction levels between the two student groups.

Regarding books, undergraduates display balanced preferences. More than a third (37%) are extremely satisfied with the diversity of books, while 28% find the range below their expectations. Postgraduates, however, show an opposite trend, with half expressing dissatisfaction with the library's book range—nearly double the percentage of those who are satisfied (28%).

When it comes to non-print materials, the majority of undergraduates report high satisfaction, accounting for a substantial 68%, compared to just 12% among postgraduates. Conversely, a significant 62% of postgraduates are dissatisfied with the non-print materials, leaving about 20% in both groups feeling neutral.

Amidst the turmoil of economic progress as a country's success, questions concerning other factors have been at the center of many debates recently. Besides economic strength, I believe there are many other aspects that should be taken into consideration for a successful nation.

One of the most substantial sectors that need attention is environmental preservation. Hardly anyone can deny that the environment has a close correlation with a country's image and development, yet factory and domestic waste is a pressing issue in society and a driving force for climate change. This requires measures taken by the state and businesses to raise awareness of corporate social responsibility and to address the root causes.

Another leading factor for the success of a country is education. In some countries, while students in metropolises are entitled to a proper and well-rounded education, those in underprivileged areas still struggle to survive without adequate clothes or food. This scenario highlights the urgent need for government intervention to develop the country.

Admittedly, it is beyond question that the economy acts as a permanent success stimulant for a nation. However, there need to be efforts on the part of the state against inflation and corruption to ensure the proper allocation of governmental resources. Taking China as a prime example of great management and control, with such a stable rate of inflation and rigorous regulations against bribes in their Congress, this country has been one of the most powerful countries all over the globe together with the US and Russia.

In conclusion, while financial power is of much importance to the success of a country, other contributors should be given credit as well. In the grand scheme of things, it is not about praising one over others but striking a balance between them as each plays a crucial role in society.

SCORE EXPLAINED AND DETAILED SUGGESTIONS:

🟥 Task Achievement:
Bài đã trình bày rõ ràng và hợp lý về các yếu tố khác ngoài kinh tế có thể góp phần vào sự thành công của một quốc gia. Tuy nhiên, e có thể làm rõ thêm ý tưởng bằng cách cung cấp thêm ví dụ cụ thể và thực tế về cách bảo vệ môi trường và cải thiện giáo dục có thể trực tiếp thúc đẩy sự phát triển của đất nước.

VD:

• "For instance, investing in renewable energy sources not only helps in reducing environmental degradation but also creates jobs, boosting the economy."

• "Furthermore, improving education in rural areas can lead to a more skilled workforce, which in turn attracts foreign investments and drives innovation."

🟥 Coherence & Cohesion:
Cấu trúc bài viết khá mạch lạc, nhưng có thể cải thiện bằng cách thêm các từ nối để các ý được liên kết chặt chẽ hơn như this perspective..., such measures..., these factors..., their impact..., thus this balance..., these contributions....

Ví dụ:

1. Hardly anyone can deny that this perspective on the environment...

2. Such measures require not only government intervention but also public support...

3. These factors, when combined, contribute to a more holistic approach to national success...

4. Their impact on a nation's image and global standing cannot be underestimated...

5. Therefore, this balance between economic growth and environmental protection is crucial...

6. These contributions, while diverse, all play a vital role in a nation's overall success...

🟥 Vocabulary:
Từ vựng khá phong phú và đa dạng, nhưng có thể cải thiện bằng cách sử dụng các cụm từ chuyên ngành hoặc cách diễn đạt sắc nét hơn. Thay vì dùng "proper and well-rounded education," e có thể dùng "comprehensive and equitable education" để nhấn mạnh hơn về tính toàn diện và công bằng.

🟥 Grammar:
Ngữ pháp khá ổn, nhưng vẫn có một vài lỗi nhỏ về từ loại và cấu trúc câu. E nên chú ý đến việc sử dụng từ loại đúng cách và đảm bảo rằng các câu có cấu trúc mạch lạc. Để nâng cao điểm ngữ pháp, e thử sử dụng các câu ghép phức tạp và tránh các lỗi chính tả nhỏ.

🟥 Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: E có thể mở đầu bài viết bằng một câu khẳng định mạnh mẽ có tính so sánh hoặc tương phản để thu hút sự chú ý, chẳng hạn như: While economic growth often takes center stage in discussions of national success, the enduring stability of a nation hinges equally on the strength of its educational and environmental foundations.

🟦 Improved Sentences:

1. Original: The environment has a close correlation with a country's image and development.
   -> The environment forms the backbone of a nation's image and development.
   Mang nghĩa hình ảnh, nhấn mạnh tầm quan trọng cốt lõi của môi trường đối với hình ảnh và sự phát triển của quốc gia.

2. Original: Another leading factor for the success of a country is education.
   -> At the forefront of a nation's success is its education system.
   Nhấn mạnh sự quan trọng và tiên phong của hệ thống giáo dục đối với sự thành công của quốc gia.

3. Original: This requires measures taken by the state and businesses to raise awareness of corporate social responsibility.
   -> This demands concerted efforts from both the state and businesses to elevate corporate social responsibility.
   Nhấn mạnh sự cần thiết của nỗ lực chung từ nhà nước và doanh nghiệp.

4. Original: It is not about praising one over others but striking a balance between them as each plays a crucial role in society.
   -> It’s one thing to recognize the importance of each factor; it’s quite another to balance them effectively.
   đối lập giữa việc nhận ra tầm quan trọng và việc cân bằng chúng.

5. Original: In some countries, while students in metropolises are entitled to a proper and well-rounded education...
   -> In some countries, while students in metropolises enjoy comprehensive and equitable education...
   từ hay

6. Original: Besides economic strength, I believe there are many other aspects that should be taken into consideration for a successful nation.
   -> Beyond mere economic strength, numerous other facets must be considered to achieve true national success.
   Nhấn mạnh rằng các yếu tố khác ngoài kinh tế cũng rất quan trọng.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝓸𝓂 ▌

Starting in 1998, it took General Motors 32 hours to finish the final outcome of a car, being the slowest among other rival companies. However, as the years progressed, the amount of time needed was significantly shortened, reaching only 22 hours in 2005. A similar pattern was observed in Ford. From 28 hours needed in the beginning of the given timespan, the data reached its peak of about 31 hours in 2001, and then cut down to just 22 hours in 2005, same as that of General Motors.

A distinct pattern was observed in the other two manufacturers. Both Toyota and Honda initially spent 22 hours on manufacturing one vehicle. While the data for Toyota increased in the next few years, that of Honda witnessed a minimal decline. Both reached a peak of 24 hours in 2002 before cutting down the time to only 20 hours in the final year, being the fastest production time among 4 others.

The production levels of main fuels in a European country from 1981 to 2000

The provided line graph gives useful insights into the amount of major fuels produced in a European country between 1981 and 2000, measured in tonnes. Overall, it is apparent that petroleum and natural gas experienced an upward trend throughout the period, while the opposite was true for coal.

In 1981, the production level of petroleum stood at 100 tonnes produced. This figure witnessed a rise of 30 tonnes in the following years before hitting its bottom of about 90 tonnes in 1990. After that, the petroleum level significantly soared and reached 120 tonnes of fuel produced in 2000, being the most prominent type of fuels in the country.

Similarly, the amount of natural gas produced increased by a substantial margin after many stable years, reaching 80 tonnes in the final year, doubling the initial figure. In stark contrast, starting at 80 tonnes, the figure for coal reached 60 tonnes produced after a drop of nearly 20 tonnes. The level then gradually decreased to only 40 tonnes at the end of the period, which is half that in 1981 .

The charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target (what actually happened compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints from passengers.

The provided bar charts illustrate actual and target services in punctuality of a bus company and the proportion of customers' complaints per thousand passengers between 1999 and 2003. It is evident that the targeted performance in most years was higher than the actual ones, except for 2003.

At the beginning of the given timespan, about 86% of the buses were expected to arrive on time and 85% of them actually did. This percentage of actual service experienced a significant structural shift with a drop to just over 82% in 2000 before bouncing back to 85% in the final year. Meanwhile, the data for the target gradually decreased throughout the period, reaching just under 85%, less than that of actual proportion.

Turning to the second graph, it is evident that the percentage of complaints in customers steadily rose in a four-year period. From approximately 70% of the passengers had feedback for the bus in 1999, this number increased and reached a hefty 120% in 2003, indicating a run-down in the services of the company.

The chart shows the division of household tasks by gender in Great Britain.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5✨

The bar chart shows the division of housework done by men and women in Great Britain, measured in minutes per day. Overall, most tasks in households are done by women, while men are more involved in mechanical and outdoor jobs.

It is apparent from the chart that about 50% of men are highly involved in outdoor activities such as gardening or taking care of pets, while only 20% of women do these jobs. A similar pattern is observed in maintenance tasks, where the proportion of men doubles that of women, at about 25% and 10%, respectively.

There is a large gender disparity in kitchen tasks, with more than 70% of women taking up cooking, baking, and washing up, while only 30% of men are willing to do such tasks. This trend is also evident in house-cleaning activities, where only about 12% of men are involved, just one-fifth of the participation rate for women. Notably, only a mere 2% of men engage in laundry and other clothing-related tasks, indicating a clear lack of interest in this type of housework among men.

• Task Achievement (TA): Bài viết mô tả đúng nhưng cần chi tiết và rõ ràng hơn ở một số phần để tăng tính chính xác.

• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Cần cải thiện mạch lạc hơn và tránh lặp từ.

• Vocabulary (VC): Sử dụng từ vựng tự nhiên và chính xác hơn, tránh các cụm từ thừa thãi.

• Grammar (GR): Chú ý đến các lỗi về cấu trúc câu và thì để tăng độ chính xác của bài viết.

IMPROVED:

The bar chart shows the division of housework between men and women in Great Britain, measured in minutes per day. Overall, women are primarily responsible for most household tasks, while men are more engaged in mechanical and outdoor activities.

About 50% of men are heavily involved in outdoor activities such as gardening or taking care of pets, whereas only 20% of women do these tasks. A similar trend is seen in maintenance tasks, with the proportion of men participating being twice that of women, at roughly 25% and 10%, respectively.

A significant gender disparity is evident in kitchen duties, with over 70% of women handling cooking, baking, and washing up, compared to only 30% of men. This pattern continues in house-cleaning activities, where merely 12% of men participate, which is just one-fifth of the rate for women. Notably, a scant 2% of men are involved in laundry and other clothing-related tasks, reflecting a clear disinterest in this type of housework among men.

The charts below show the number of working hours per week, in the industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5✨

The provided bar charts give useful insights into the proportion of people in terms of working hours in four different European countries in 2002. Overall, workers in Denmark, Sweden, and the UK had about 34-40 hours of work per week, while most of those in France spent about 31-33 hours working.

In France, most people worked more than 30 and less than 40 hours per week, with the most notable being the 31-33 bracket. In other categories, only a minority of the workers worked less or more than the given bracket, ranging from 10% (1 to 14 and 50+ hours) to 20% (46 to 50). ❗️Citizens in Denmark mostly worked from 34 to 40 hours a week, with a proportion of just under 75%, tripling the data of the 31-33 bracket 💥 (wc) -> for those working 31-33 hours. Other sectors remained at only under 10% of workers.

Of the other two countries, Sweden and the UK, there seemed to be a similar trend as most people engaged in above 34 and below 40 hours of work. ❗️ It is interesting to note that the percentage of workers in Sweden gradually increased from 1 to under 34 working hours and then decreased from 40 to over 50 hours. Meanwhile, there was a steady upward trend in the figure for workers in the UK from 1 to over 50 hours, except for the 34-40 bracket.

Suggestions:

• Task Achievement (TA): Bài viết có sự mô tả rõ ràng nhưng cần chi tiết hơn ở một số phần để người đọc dễ hình dung.

• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Cần có liên từ và sắp xếp câu từ rõ ràng hơn để tăng sự mạch lạc. ❗️

• Vocabulary (VC): Tránh lặp từ và sử dụng các từ vựng nâng cao, phù hợp hơn.

• Grammar (GR): Đảm bảo sử dụng thì đúng và có thể tăng sự phức tạp của cấu trúc câu.

• 
  

IMPROVED:

The bar charts provide valuable insights into the distribution of working hours among individuals in four European countries in 2002. Overall, workers in Denmark, Sweden, and the UK typically logged between 34 and 40 hours per week, whereas the majority in France worked around 31-33 hours.

In France, the predominant workweek ranged between 31 and 33 hours, with this bracket representing the largest proportion of workers. In contrast, only a minority of the workforce fell into other categories, with percentages ranging from 10% (for those working 1 to 14 and 50+ hours) to 20% (for those working 46 to 50 hours). Meanwhile, Danish workers primarily worked between 34 and 40 hours weekly, with nearly 75% falling into this category—tripling the percentage of those working 31-33 hours. Other work hour ranges accounted for less than 10% of the workforce.

In Sweden and the UK, a similar trend was observed, with the majority of workers logging between 34 and 40 hours. Notably, in Sweden, the percentage of workers gradually increased for those working up to 34 hours and then declined for those working beyond 40 hours. Conversely, in the UK, there was a consistent upward trend in the number of workers across all hour brackets, except for the 34-40 hour range, which remained stable.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

One justification for the use of mobile phones is that they allow people to keep in touch with their loved ones. With the advent of messaging applications, these devices enable individuals to connect regardless of distance, time and expenses. This renders cell phones no longer unfamiliar, even with the elderly or young children. Another supporting reason for allowing mobile phones is their high value of information in our society. Imagine living in a world which is changing at an unprecedented rate and having no idea about what is going on at the time, you will be a black sheep in a white herd. This out-dated lifestyle can result in misunderstandings between people, or even marginalization, indicating the high demand for this everyday piece.

Conversely, the argument against phones echoes the concerns over the decline in communication among individuals, especially face-to-face. All too often, these technology devices have become partners or assistants of us; therefore a part of the society tends to delve into the benefits they might bring and are not aware of their potential pitfalls, ignoring the outside world. Phone overuse can also lead to a nuisance to society, as highlighted in cases when governments have to take further measures to address the problem of phone addiction. This is particularly evident in youngsters who are exposed to these devices from a young age. At best, these cases underscore that the issue is not the use of mobile phones in and of itself, but rather the control and restriction or lack thereof over it.

In conclusion, it is clear that the debate over phone-using is anything but straightforward. At the crux of this argument lies the belief that by virtue of owning their own phones, people are able to be exposed to a wide variety of information all over the globe. However, this should be done on the premise of limited using timespan in children and regular outdoor exercises engagement to ensure the initial purposes of this advanced technology.

Given the advent of vehicle-free days in which private transport 💥 (wc: dùng số nhiều vì nói chung các loại phương tiện) -> transports are banned in many countries, questions concerning their 💥 (gr) -> its effects on cities have been looming large. While some argue that people should take up public transportation instead, others believe that this can hinder one's convenience and lead to resentment. This essay will delve into both perspectives and determine to what extent the benefits of banning personal vehicles on certain days outweigh the drawbacks.

Undeniably, one of the most substantial advantages of vehicle-free days is that it undeniably 💥 -> significantly reduces the impact of human activities on the environment. By restricting private transport, governments can help decrease the amount of exhaust fumes from vehicles, which is 💥 (gr: động từ phải chia số nhiều vì "fumes" là số nhiều) -> are a significant contributor to air pollution. We need not look further than the capitals of developed countries such as Brussels in Belgium to see that air quality usually stays at a positive level on most vehicle-free days, indicating the ultimate effect of these days. Not to mention, besides public means of transportation, people are also encouraged to use their bicycles more often, thereby improving both physical and mental well-being. Vehicle-free days, enforced in many cities, have not only enhanced the quality of life for citizens but also addressed the pressing environmental issue.

On the flip side, there are a number of disadvantages associated with these no-personal-transport days. When private cars are not allowed on the roads, inconvenience can emerge in many situations. For emergencies, this restriction can result in delays or even severe consequences due to the lack of flexibility, since buses or trams are not always on schedule in some countries. Added to this risk are the hardships businesses might face in their work. This is because goods and packages may not arrive on time, leading to losses in revenue and diminished customer satisfaction. These disadvantages will ultimately put modern cities at risk of financial burdens and obstructions in road circulation.

In conclusion, although there are clear benefits to establishing vehicle-free days, it is also important to recognize the potential pitfalls. The extent to which the benefits outweigh the drawbacks will depend on several factors, including personal preferences as well as the impact on the environment and society.

SCORE EXPLAINED AND DETAILED SUGGESTIONS:

🟥 Task Achievement:
Bài viết đã trình bày rõ ràng và hợp lý về cả lợi ích và hạn chế của việc cấm phương tiện cá nhân trong một số ngày. Tuy nhiên, e có thể làm rõ thêm luận điểm bằng cách đưa ra ví dụ cụ thể về những lợi ích môi trường hoặc những thách thức trong việc thực thi, chẳng hạn như việc sử dụng công nghệ xanh hoặc cải thiện hệ thống giao thông công cộng để giảm bớt các vấn đề nảy sinh.

VD:

• "For instance, cities could invest in green technology such as electric buses to complement vehicle-free days, further reducing emissions and easing public transportation concerns."

• "Furthermore, implementing an efficient and reliable public transport system could mitigate the inconveniences caused by the absence of private vehicles."

🟥 Coherence & Cohesion:
Cấu trúc bài viết khá mạch lạc, nhưng có thể cải thiện bằng cách thêm các từ nối để các ý được liên kết chặt chẽ hơn như this perspective..., such initiatives..., these factors..., their impact..., thus this policy..., these implications....

Ví dụ:

1. Hardly anyone can deny that this perspective on the environment...

2. Such initiatives encourage not only public transport use but also promote healthier lifestyles...

3. These factors, when combined, create a more sustainable urban environment...

4. Their impact on traffic congestion and air quality is significant...

5. Therefore, this balance between economic growth and environmental protection is crucial...

6. These contributions, while diverse, all play a vital role in a nation's overall success...

🟥 Vocabulary:
Từ vựng được sử dụng khá phong phú, nhưng có thể cải thiện bằng cách thêm các cụm từ chuyên ngành hoặc diễn đạt sắc nét hơn. E có thể sử dụng "complement" thay vì "support" để nhấn mạnh tính bổ sung và tương trợ giữa các chính sách.

🟥 Grammar:
Ngữ pháp cần cải thiện ở những lỗi nhỏ về từ loại và chia động từ, đặc biệt là việc sử dụng đại từ phù hợp với số lượng của danh từ.

🟥 Other feedback:

🟦 Hook and Engagement: E có thể mở đầu bài viết bằng một câu khẳng định mạnh mẽ có tính so sánh hoặc tương phản để thu hút sự chú ý, chẳng hạn như: As cities grow and vehicles multiply, the concept of vehicle-free days emerges as both a challenge and a solution, testing the balance between convenience and sustainability.

🟦 Improved Sentences:

1. Original: Vehicle-free days, enforced in many cities, have not only raised living standards of citizens but also addressed the pressing environmental issue.
   -> Vehicle-free days, enforced in many cities, have not only enhanced the quality of life for citizens but also tackled the pressing environmental issue.
   Từ đúng hơn sự cải thiện tổng thể đối với cuộc sống của người dân.

   
   

2. Original: For emergencies, this restriction can result in delays or even consequences due to the lack of flexibility.
   -> For emergencies, this restriction can result in delays or even severe consequences due to the lack of flexibility.
   Tăng tính nghiêm trọng của hậu quả có thể xảy ra.

   
   

3. Original: These disadvantages will ultimately put modern cities at risk of financial burdens and obstructions in road circulation.
   -> At risk of financial burdens and obstructions in road circulation, modern cities will ultimately find themselves. + adj...
   Sử dụng đảo ngữ để nhấn mạnh tình trạng rủi ro mà các thành phố hiện đại phải đối mặt.

4. Parallelism and Clarity:
   Original: While some argue that public transportation should be prioritized, others believe that this approach can hinder one's convenience and lead to resentment.
   -> Prioritizing public transportation might seem sensible. It is, rather, a step that risks derailing personal convenience, brewing resentment among the masses.
   Chuyển đổi cấu trúc câu để tạo sự đối lập và làm rõ ý nghĩa của hành động.

The table below shows the number of temporary migrant workers in four countries in 2003 and 2006 and the number of these workers per 1,000 people in these countries in 2006.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5✨

The provided table gives useful insights into the number of temporary workers in four different countries between 2003 and 2006 and the proportion of those per 1,000 people in 2006. Overall, it is evident that New Zealand had the highest number of temporary workers per 1,000, while the opposite was true for the US.

The United States, one of the most diverse -raced 💥 (wc: từ này không chính xác, nên dùng từ khác) -> ethnically diverse countries, had the most temporary migrant workers in the year 2003 💥 (wc: cụm này không cần thiết) -> 2003with 577,000 people. This data remained the highest 💥 (gr: cách diễn đạt không rõ ràng) -> This number remained the highest in 2006, with an increase of 101,000 workers. Meanwhile, there were only 87,000 temporary workers in New Zealand in 2006, approximately half a quarter 💥 (wc: cụm từ này không rõ nghĩa, nên dùng diễn đạt khác) -> a quarter of the figure for the US, ranking the lowest among the four countries.

The data for the United Kingdom and Australia showed a similar trend, with 137,000 and 152,000 workers respectively. In 2006, the figure for the UK doubled the initial number, reaching 266,000 people, surpassing that of Australia, which had only 219,000. It is interesting to note that despite having the most temporary migrant workers among the four countries in 2006, the number of these workers per 1,000 people in the US remained at a significantly low proportion, at 2.3 per 1,000, contrary to New Zealand, indicating a large number of permanent and local workers in the US.

• Task Achievement (TA): Bài viết đạt được mục tiêu mô tả dữ liệu nhưng cần làm rõ và chi tiết hơn về sự khác biệt giữa các quốc gia.

• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Cần sắp xếp ý tưởng mạch lạc hơn và sử dụng liên từ hợp lý.

• Vocabulary (VC): Tránh lặp từ và sử dụng từ vựng chính xác, tự nhiên hơn.

• Grammar (GR): Đảm bảo sử dụng thì và cấu trúc câu một cách chính xác và đa dạng.

IMPROVED:

The table provides valuable insights into the number of temporary workers in four different countries from 2003 to 2006 and the proportion of these workers per 1,000 people in 2006. Overall, New Zealand had the highest number of temporary workers per 1,000 people, while the US had the lowest proportion.

The United States, known for its ethnic diversity, had the largest number of temporary migrant workers in 2003, with 577,000 individuals. This figure remained the highest in 2006, increasing by 101,000 workers. In contrast, New Zealand had only 87,000 temporary workers in 2006, roughly a quarter of the US figure, placing it at the bottom among the four countries in absolute numbers.

The trends for the United Kingdom and Australia were more closely aligned, with 137,000 and 152,000 workers respectively. By 2006, the number of temporary workers in the UK had doubled, reaching 266,000, overtaking Australia, which had 219,000. Interestingly, despite having the highest number of temporary migrant workers among the four countries in 2006, the US had a relatively low proportion of these workers per 1,000 people, at 2.3, compared to New Zealand, highlighting the large number of permanent and local workers in the US.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

The following table shows the number of people from five European nations living in each other’s countries in 2011.

The provided table illustrates the number of immigrants of five European countries in 2011. Overall, the immigrants in these countries were mostly Polish, while there are not many foreigners living in Poland. Additionally, it is evident that most people were interested in moving to Germany for work or education.

In 2011, Germany was the most popular country among immigrants, with 1,198,000 foreigners living in this nation, mostly Italian. In contrast, Poland fell out of favour since only 6,000 people moved to this country, notably only 170 of whom are Spanish. Despite this data, Polish tend to relocate abroad, especially Britain with 550,000 people.

Britain is evidently the second most popular nation among immigrants, attracting more than a million new residents in the year, with the most noteworthy being the figure for Polish, indicating a one-way immigrating trend among these countries. Meanwhile, Spain is the most preferred country of British citizens, with almost 400,000 people moving into this destination, four times higher than the data of Germany.

The table below shows the number of motor vehicles per 1,000 inhabitants in eight countries in 1990 and 2000.

The provided table gives useful insights into vehicle ownership per 1,000 residents in eight nations in 1990 and 2000. Overall, while most countries saw an upward trend in the number of motor vehicles, the Bahamas 💥 (gr: nên dùng "in" thay vì "that of" để tránh cấu trúc thừa) -> in the Bahamas declined after a ten-year period. Additionally,  -> the figure for Cambodia remained static.

In 1990, Luxembourg had the highest motor vehicle ownership among the eight countries, with 548 vehicles per 1,000 inhabitants. This was followed by New Zealand with 531 vehicles, and the Bahamas, with 235 vehicles. In contrast, 💥 (wc) -> Cambodia had the lowest rate, with only 1 vehicle per 1,000 people.

Over the next ten years, the data indicates significant changes in some countries. Brazil saw a dramatic increase in motor vehicles, skyrocketing from a mere 55 to over 13,000 vehicles per 1,000 people in 2000. A similar surge was observed in Romania, reaching 8,012 vehicles by the final year. Conversely, the Bahamas experienced a decrease of 48 vehicles, highlighting a downward trend in motor vehicle usage in the nation.

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The provided table gives insights into vehicle ownership per 1,000 residents in eight nations in 1990 and 2000. Overall, while most countries experienced an upward trend in the number of motor vehicles, the Bahamas saw a decline after ten years, and the figure for Cambodia remained static.

In 1990, Luxembourg had the highest motor vehicle ownership among the eight countries, with 548 vehicles per 1,000 inhabitants. This was followed by New Zealand with 531 vehicles, and the Bahamas, with 235 vehicles. In contrast, Cambodia had the lowest rate, with only 1 vehicle per 1,000 people.

Over the next ten years, the data indicates significant changes in some countries. Brazil saw a dramatic increase in motor vehicles, skyrocketing from a mere 55 to over 13,000 vehicles per 1,000 people in 2000. A similar surge was observed in Romania, reaching 8,012 vehicles by the final year. Conversely, the Bahamas experienced a decrease of 48 vehicles, highlighting a downward trend in motor vehicle usage in the nation.

The map below shows the development of an area between 1995 and present. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps compare the changes that have taken place in a residential area between 1995 and today. Overall, it appears that this sector has been shifted towards urbanization with development in accommodation and entertaining facilities.

The area that has seen the biggest improvements is residential housing. One significant transformative development is that the fish market located in the South has been knocked down and four blocks of apartments have been constructed to adapt the accommodation demand. More households have also been built on the North-West side, facilitated by a new road for easier access. If we look at the South-East corner, we can notice that a new car park has been erected on the right side of the hotel, indicating better services and traffic arrangement.

In 1995, there was a vast farmland in the North-East corner, but after years of improvements, this has been transformed into a golf course. The change also holds true for the Forest Park below, which has also been cut down and made way for tennis courts, indicating an exercising trend among inhabitants. It is also noteworthy that the fishing port has been demolished, turning into beaches that, together with the hotel nearby, can facilitate tourism in the future.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.0; CC: 6.5; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.0✨

The maps compare the changes which have taken place in a student common room over a span of 5 years. Overall, it appears that this area has shifted towards smarter arrangements, with more useful appliances and better entertaining facilities 💥 (wc: có thể viết gọn và tự nhiên hơn) -> Overall, the area has been reconfigured with smarter arrangements, including more practical appliances and enhanced entertainment facilities.

The area that has seen the biggest improvements is in lifestyle-support equipment 💥 (wc) -> relates to lifestyle-support features. One significant transformation is that the bookshelf has been removed, making way for a television surrounded by armchairs, indicating a shift in the students’ interests. A bench specialized for laptops 💥 (wc) -> designed for laptop use has also been placed next to the TV zone, highlighting that alongside entertainment, there remains a focus on learning.

Five years ago, there used to be 💥 (gr) -> were 4 round tables across the room, but after some changes, two has been 💥 (gr: chủ ngữ số nhiều, nên dùng "have been") -> have beenreplaced by a long one with more seats, facilitating better collaboration among the students. Additionally, there used to be two benches on the North side of the room, but one has been 💥 (gr) -> was replaced by a new microwave. One notable change is that a drinks machine has been placed right in front of the refrigerator 💥 (gr) -> A notable addition is a drinks machine placed directly in front of the refrigerator, promoting better drinking habits among students.

• Task Achievement (TA): Bài viết có sự mô tả tốt nhưng cần rõ ràng hơn ở các chi tiết cụ thể.

• Coherence and Cohesion (CC): Cần cải thiện mạch lạc hơn trong các đoạn văn và tránh lặp từ.

• Vocabulary (VC): Sử dụng từ vựng một cách chính xác và tự nhiên hơn.

• Grammar (GR): Chú ý đến các lỗi về thì và cấu trúc câu để làm bài viết gọn gàng và chính xác hơn.

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The maps compare the changes in a student common room over a span of 5 years. Overall, the area has been reconfigured with smarter arrangements, including more practical appliances and enhanced entertainment facilities.

The most significant improvements relate to lifestyle-support features. One notable transformation is the removal of the bookshelf, which has been replaced by a television surrounded by armchairs, indicating a shift in the students’ interests. A bench designed for laptop use has also been added next to the TV zone, underscoring the balance between entertainment and academic needs.

Five years ago, there were 4 round tables scattered throughout the room, but two of these have been replaced by a long table with additional seating, facilitating better collaboration among students. Additionally, there were two benches on the North side of the room, but one was replaced by a microwave. A notable addition is a drinks machine placed directly in front of the refrigerator, encouraging better hydration habits among students.

The plans below show a student room for two people and a student for one person at an Australian university.

The provided maps compare the differences between floor plans of two kinds of student room at an Australian university. Overall, with the $150 difference in price, the double room has more facilities, but the single room offers more privacy and comfort for a person.

It is clear that the rental fee of the student room for two people stays at $350 dollars per week. This price offers a room with a larger acreage of 6x4 meter square. There includes two beds and desks, placed in two corners of the room and divided by cupboards. A set of a table and chairs are also added into the room, providing space for communication between roommates.

Meanwhile, the fee for a single-student room is significantly decreased, staying at only $200 a week. This indicates certain features are removed from the room, with the most notable being the table set as well as the extra beds and desks. Additionally, the width of the single room is reduced from 4 to only 2.5 meters, making up a smaller area. It is notable that despite the removal of some essential furniture, the single room actually offers a empty zone in the middle for the dweller, providing a more spacious feeling.

Smoked foods are popular worldwide because of their special flavor and their long life. The diagram below shows the structure of a home smokey and how it is used.

Given is the diagram illustrating the structure of a home smokey and its usage. All in all, the process involves an understandable process demonstrating how smoked foods are produced.

The initial step is when fresh air flows into an underground tunnel via a semi-opened lid placed on ground level. After this stage, the air continues to travel along the chamber to reach the other end, where logs of wood are burnt. With the help of the air to maintain combustion, the burnt logs create the smoke which cannot escape due to the closed second lid.

From here, the process resumes when the smoke produced by the combustion follows a small tube to enter the next chamber placed on the ground. In the final stage of the process, the food wanted is hanged on a thin rope and soaked with the hot smokey air, turning into a fragrant and delicious dish.

The diagram illustrates how recycled paper is made. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. 

Given is the diagram illustrating the process of producing recycled paper. All in all the process is composed of 4 major steps, from making the pulp to finishing the final products.

The initial step is when used paper is collected into wooden boxes and transported on a conveyor belt. From here, the subsequent step involves dipping these pieces of paper into a mixture of water and chemicals. Once the paper has turned into pulp, it then goes through a colander to make the filtered.

From here the process resumes with ink and air are added to a water-soap mixture before the filtered pulp enters, and then it goes into a chemical liquid once again to be fully cleaned. After this stage has completed, the pulp is placed on another conveyor belt with heated rollers to be flattened. The final step is when the dried paper is rolled up, turning into recycled paper rolls.

The pie charts below show the age groups of the users on different social media platforms in Australia in 2011.

The given pie graph illustrates users' preference on different social media in Australia in 2011, 2012 and 2013. At first glance, it can be patently seen that Facebook gained the most popularity among users, while the opposite was true for Pinterest.

It is clear from the chart that Facebook was the most common media among the Australian, accounting for a hefty 59% in 2011. This is followed by Twitter and LinkedIn with 21% and 10% respectively, while Google+ and Pinterest fell out of favour with only a mere 5%. The year 2012 saw a similar pattern of distribution, with the most notable being Facebook which attracted about half the users.

The dynamics underwent a significant shift in 2013, when some sectors gained momentum after two years although Facebook and Twitter were still the dominant platforms. The figure for Google+ received a considerable amount of users with a rise of 9% compared to the data in 2010, reaching 15% in 2013. Similarly, LinkedIn's users also increased by 5% and that of Pinterest reached 8% in the year.

The graphs below show the prison population in a European country between 1911 and 2001.

The provided charts give useful insights into the population in a European prison over a span of 90 years, categorised by gender. Overall, it can be observed that while the data of male prisoners witnessed an upward trend throughout the period, that of the female saw a significant downward shift.

Starting in 1911, it can be observed that men were the main offenders with a population of 25,000 people. Throughout the years, the figure for males experienced a steady increase despite certain insignificant falls. From 1981 and 2000, the population soared considerably, peaking at 35,000 prisoners in the final year.

In terms of females, the number of prisoners recorded in 1911 was 4500, significantly lower than that of males. The data marked a decline of about 3000 prisoners in the following 50 years, dropping to a mere 1500 in 1961. The figure then bounced back to about 2500 prisoners in 1971 before losing momentum and reaching the bottom of under 1000 in 2000.

My practical argument in support of focusing on pollution has to do with the deep effects it has on not only individuals' well-being but also the surrounding environment where people live. In essence, studies have shown that in densely-populated cities that are likely to be polluted, residents are prone to have higher rates of health problems, namely reduction in lung capacity due to air pollution or skin breakout resulting from contaminated water sources. Another supporting reason for addressing environmental issues is that these alarming impacts do not only leave implications on our generations but also the future ones. Many cases speak to the fact that household-related diseases can affect the embryos of pregnant women, resulting in the loss of resources and increased undue burden on both families and societies.

However, these are not the only factors of this turmoil since laziness and hectic lifestyles also contribute significantly. It holds true that the majority of white-collar workers tend to rest and enjoy the rest of their day without adequate exercising. As a result, sitting in the same posture constantly undeniably brings certain illnesses associated with their muscles or spinal cords. The same happens among students who adopt sedentary lifestyles together with unreasonable diets, leading to more chances of obesity and diabetes. Not to mention, some people nowadays are still not aware of the importance of regular health check-ups. This accidentally causes situations when it is too late to cure the illness. Although many argue that there are less patients who are affected by lifestyles than those who are environmentally-affected, the fact is that the consequences are equally severe.

In conclusion, given the pressing problems of diseases in citizens related to pollution and housing problems, it is reasonable to see governments vested efforts and resources in addressing them. However, they also should take other fatal factors into full account to minimize the consequences. It is also personal accountability to be in charge of their own well-being and change their lifestyles towards better ones.

The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.5; CC: 7.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5✨

The provided charts give useful insights into the amount of four different dairy products, in terms of Metric tons, of the top three producers 💥 (gr: cấu trúc câu không tự nhiên) -> produced by the top three countries in 2012. Overall, it can be observed that milk was the most popular product among the four types, while the opposite was true for milk powder.

Most milk in 2012 was produced by the European Union, with 142,970 tons made in the year 💥 (wc) -> produced. India remained as 💥 (gr) -> was the second-largest producer with 127,000, followed by the US with more than 90 thousand metric tons of milk produced. Although Brazil is 💥 (vt: sai thì) -> was the top three producer 💥 (gr) -> among the top three producers of cheese, only 700 tons were made 💥 (wc) -> produced by Brazilians in 2012, ten times less than the figure for the EU 💥 (wc) -> just a tenth of the EU's figure.

India was the major country that produced butter, with 7500 tons of the product made 💥 (wc:) -> produced, whereas the US only made 💥 (wc) -> produced 810 tons, of them 💥 , being the third-largest producer of butter. Meanwhile, milk powder was the least popular product in comparison with the others, with the top producer being China with 1200 tons, followed by New Zealand and the European Union with 1110 and 770 tons respectively.

Suggestions to Improve Each Criterion (Vietnamese feedback):

IMPROVED:

The provided charts offer useful insights into the amount of four different dairy products, in terms of Metric tons, produced by the top three countries in 2012. Overall, it can be observed that milk was the most popular product among the four types, while the opposite was true for milk powder.

Most milk in 2012 was produced by the European Union, with 142,970 tons produced. India was the second-largest producer with 127,000, followed by the US with more than 90 thousand metric tons of milk produced. Although Brazil was among the top three producers of cheese, only 700 tons were produced by Brazilians in 2012, just a tenth of the EU's figure.

India was the major country that produced butter, with 7500 tons of the product produced, whereas the US only produced 810 tons, being the third-largest producer of butter. Meanwhile, milk powder was the least popular product in comparison with the others, with the top producer being China with 1200 tons, followed by New Zealand and the European Union with 1110 and 770 tons respectively.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌
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My cousins asked me whether I wanted to go out with then to explore their neighbourhood and I said yes. They took me to places the kids there often hang out, and after an hour of wandering around, we stopped by a small store selling snacks in front of a primary school. And you won't believe this, the snacks there were incredibly cheap! Each of the snack only costs 2000dong, about 10 cent of the US dollar, and a drink only costs 5000dong. Unbelievable right? I was so shocked and doubt why they had that price, but after all, we bought a lot of different types of snacks and had a wonderful light meal there.

However, there was one thing that I was concerned about: the store was quite dark and degraded, making my experience uncomfortable. Also, there was only one single electric bike but there were three of us, so we had to be stuffed together, and we didn't even wear helmets! What an awful ride, but thankfully I'm still safe and sound now.

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This topic reminds me of the summer in 2022 when I got to visit my hometown in Tu Son, a city in the North of Vietnam. Tu Son is a provincial city, but there are parts that still have that charming rural vibe.

My cousins asked if I wanted to explore the neighborhood with them, and I was all in. They took me to the spots where the local kids usually hang out, and after wandering around for about an hour, we ended up at this small store selling snacks right in front of a primary school. And get this, the snacks were unbelievably cheap! Each snack was only 2000 dong, like 10 cents in US dollars, and drinks were just 5000 dong. Can you believe it? I was so shocked and wondered how they managed to sell at such low prices. But hey, we ended up buying a ton of different snacks and had a great little feast there.

However, there was one thing that bugged me: the store was pretty dark and run-down, which made the experience a bit uncomfortable. Plus, there was only one electric bike for the three of us, so we had to squeeze together, and we didn't even have helmets! It was such a crazy ride, but luckily, we made it back safe and sound.

Luckily, I managed to pass the test with flying colours and be accepted into my dream highschool. Every family members were really delighted and congratulated me. There is a custom in my family is that whenever a children passes a significant exam, the adults will give him money. Therefore, my grandfather gave me up to 5 million dong! What a huge amount of money.

As a response to the kindness and goodwill, my mother ask my grandparents out for dinner to celebrate good news together. She also ordered food in advance so that the staff could serve us quicker. Unfortunately, it was raining at the date, so my grandparents chose not to come and they literally let me down. Although it was not a big deal but at one moment I felt like the date was ruined. After that, my mom invited her brother's family to come and join us so I got my mood back. Despite this incident, I did enjoy the rest of my special day.

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This reminds me of when I was a ninth-grader. Every student in Vietnam has to go through a major exam that might affect their life—the high school entrance exam. It's super intense since everyone wants to get into their dream high school, but only half make it through.

Luckily, I managed to pass the test with flying colors and got accepted into my dream high school. My family was over the moon and congratulated me. In my family, there's a tradition that whenever a kid passes a significant exam, the adults give them money. So, my grandfather gave me up to 5 million dong! What a huge amount of money.

In response to the kindness and goodwill, my mom asked my grandparents out for dinner to celebrate the good news together. She even ordered food in advance so that the staff could serve us quicker. Unfortunately, it rained that day, so my grandparents decided not to come, and they really let me down. It wasn't a big deal, but at that moment, I felt like the day was ruined. After that, my mom invited her brother's family to join us, which lifted my spirits. Despite this little hiccup, I did enjoy the rest of my special day.

At the day when it was predicted that there would be lunar eclipse, I rushed home after finishing my school work and quickly prepared what I need while watching. I also asked some of my childhood friends to come with me. We headed to the a yard in our neighbourhood and waited in excitement.

Finally, the moment had come, it was 5pm and the vibrant reddish moon appeared in front of our eyes. That was when I realised looking at a picture on the Internet is a far cry from the realistic experience that I had. Unlike solar eclipse when you have to look directly at the Sun, for lunar eclipse, there is no need for wearing glasses, this allowed me to enjoy the scenic view with my bare eyes. Me and my friends watched and discussed about the event as if we were astronomers, and that was actually quite fun though. After all, it was such a great memory of my life.

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This topic reminds me of a lunar eclipse I saw back in 2022. As far as I know, this phenomenon happens when the Sun, Earth, and Moon line up perfectly, giving the Moon a red tint, which people in Vietnam usually call a "blood moon." The event got a lot of buzz, especially from the press. They put out various articles about it, talking about the exact time the Moon would show up. I stumbled upon one of these articles and got hooked on the idea of seeing it myself.

On the day of the eclipse, I hurried home after school, quickly getting everything I needed while keeping an eye on the time. I even asked some of my childhood buddies to join me. We headed to a yard in our neighborhood, all pumped up and excited.

Finally, the moment arrived. It was around 5 pm when the vibrant reddish Moon appeared right before our eyes. That was when I realized that looking at a picture on the Internet is nothing short of the real deal. Unlike a solar eclipse, where you have to look directly at the Sun and wear glasses, for a lunar eclipse, there's no need for any special gear. This let me take in the scenic view with my bare eyes. My friends and I watched and chatted about the event like we were some kind of astronomers, which was actually quite fun.

After all, it was such a great memory. The whole experience was amazing and gave me a real appreciation for the wonders of the universe. In any case, it’s one of those memories that I'll hold on to for life.

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∎ This topic takes me back to a volunteering gig when I was in my high school's volunteer club. I'd been to a bunch of hospitals and orphanages before, helping out and all, but this one? Whole different ball game. We had to hand out food to the homeless and street workers in the dead of night. And, get this, it was January, so you can imagine how freezing it was. We all huddled up at school, waiting for everyone to show up. I think there were about 20 of us, because, you know, safety in numbers, especially at midnight. Once the gifts were ready, we hit the road.

∎ As we cruised through the city, I was gobsmacked by how many homeless folks there were in Hanoi, huddled up in run-down corners. That sight really got to me. We stopped at every corner, handing out the stuff we’d brought and sometimes even helping out with whatever they were doing. This whole experience lit a fire in me to keep volunteering and do more for others.

∎ But, here’s the kicker: not everyone was legit. There were people pretending to be struggling just to get some free stuff. That’s a real downer, and something to watch out for. But, in the end, this was one of the most valuable experiences I’ve ever had, and I’m stoked to do more meaningful volunteer work in the future.

Given the rapid change in international travel prices as many nations are being more open 💥 (gr: are becoming more open), questions about its 💥 (gr: "its" phải là "their" vì "prices" là số nhiều e nhé) impacts on tourist countries have been in the center of many debates 💥 (wc -> at the center of debate) recently. While many argue that this can bring many 💥 financial advantages to the country, opponents maintain that it can have adverse effects on the local's life 💥 (gr: phải là "locals' lives" e ạ). This essay will delve into both perspectives and determine to what extent the benefits of international travel outweigh the downsides.

One of the most substantial advantages of tourism is the increase in economic income. The influx of tourists can undeniably boost the revenue of tourism, improving the GDP which is one of the most crucial indicators of strength of the nation 💥 (wc: national strength). We need not look further than the case of the North-West area in Vietnam to see that the locals there can earn a living and support their families by selling hand-made crafts and tools to foreigners. Not to mention, the country's images 💥 (image) can be widely promoted all around the globe with the advent of social media such as Instagram or Tiktok, raising the position of the nation among the others 💥others. These positive aspects not only reap benefits for the country but also help the residents with their own lives and future.

On the flip side, there are also disadvantages with the rise of overseas travelling 💥 (wc -> international travel). When people from many countries in the world visit a destination, there will be a part of them leaving some footprint on the tourist nation 💥 (wc: ko tự nhiên, they inevitably leave a footprint on the host nation), especially the environment. It is beyond question that this industry is affecting our world more and more severely, facilitating increased pollution and contamination without urgent interventions. Added to this risk is the uncertainty in national security and tranquility as not every foreigner can live in the country without certain issues. The conflicts in mindset and customs can indubitably result in resentment among two races 💥 (wc: between different cultures ). Although these situations rarely happen, there are still the needs for 💥 (gr -> it is necessary to have) suitable measures of these matters 💥 (wc: to have sth in place).

In conclusion, there are clear benefits to promoting tourism, but it is also significant to recognize the potential pitfalls related to diverse races 💥 (wc cultures ) and international travelling 💥 (sp). The extent to which the advantages outweigh the drawbacks will depend on several factors, including the demand 💥 (wc) of locals and the development of the nation in economic terms. As long as governments are aware of the disadvantages, they can manage to strike a balance between financial profits and domestic security.

The table below shows the results of surveys of people in the UK, carried out in three different decades. It shows the percentages of people who said they were interested in certain sports.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 ✨TR: 7.5; CC: 7.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5✨

The provided table gives useful insights into the proportion of different sports' fans 💥 (gr: cụm từ này không tự nhiên, nên diễn đạt khác) -> proportion of the population interested in various sports in the UK over a span of 20 years. Overall, it can be observed that the data of these sports was uneven 💥 (wc: ‘uneven’ không phù hợp với văn cảnh này, từ khác rõ ràng hơn) -> interest in these sports fluctuated across the three decades.

In 1990, football was the dominant sport in the United Kingdom with nearly 60% of the residents interested, followed by golf with 28%, half the figure of the former 💥 (wc) -> half of the football figure. Despite being a well-known sport in the US, rugby seemed to not attract the UK's citizens 💥 (wc) -> failed to attract significant interest among UK citizens, standing at 12% in 1990. Meanwhile, Judo was not widely embraced 💥 (wc: cụm từ này không phù hợp, mang tính phóng đại) -> did not garner much attention by the British as only a mere 9% of the residents watched the sport.

Over the given timespan, there are 💥 (vt: cần giữ thì quá khứ đơn) -> were noteworthy structural shifts in UK sport fans' preferences. Rugby received increased attention from sport-lovers throughout the period, accounting for 24% of the whole population, doubling the initial figure 💥 (gr: cách diễn đạt chưa tự nhiên) -> which is double the initial percentage. In contrast, Judo tended to fall out of favour with a drop of 5% in the percentage of British interested 💥 (wf: cần danh từ thay vì tính từ) -> interest, declining from 9% to a minor 4% in 20 years. Despite these changes, football remained as "the king sport" in the UK although a minimal decrease of 3% was recorded 💥 (wc) -> slight decrease of just 3% was noted.

IMPROVED:

The provided table offers useful insights into the proportion of the population interested in various sports in the UK over a span of 20 years. Overall, it can be observed that interest in these sports fluctuated across the three decades.

In 1990, football was the dominant sport in the United Kingdom, with nearly 60% of the residents interested, followed by golf with 28%, half of the football figure. Despite being a well-known sport in the US, rugby failed to attract significant interest among UK citizens, standing at 12% in 1990. Meanwhile, Judo did not garner much attention among the British, as only a mere 9% of the residents watched the sport.

Over the given timespan, there were noteworthy structural shifts in UK sport fans' preferences. Rugby gained significant traction from sport-lovers throughout the period, accounting for 24% of the whole population, which is double the initial percentage. In contrast, Judo tended to fall out of favour, with a drop of 5% in the percentage of British interest, declining from 9% to a minor 4% in 20 years. Despite these changes, football remained as "the king sport" in the UK, although a slight decrease of just 3% was noted.