Narrative Questions by Audrey Lashbrook

BELL RINGER

alashbrook — 2018-02-02 15:06:47 UTC

Do you have ANY questions about your Narrative? Any questions about length, what needs to be included (sensory and precise language, dialogue, MLA, etc)?????

Ask away here! You don't have to include names.

2018-02-05 15:38:14 UTC

I dont have a question.

2018-02-05 15:38:30 UTC

No I honesty do not have any questions, you explained it just fine.

2018-02-05 15:39:03 UTC

I don't have a question

I dont have any questions for my

2018-02-05 15:39:57 UTC

Narrative

2018-02-05 15:40:52 UTC

i need to know everything

HI

2018-02-05 15:42:07 UTC

DO I STILL HAVE XTRA TIME CENTS I WAS ABCENT.

me again

2018-02-05 15:42:08 UTC

i has no inquiries

Zane

2018-02-05 15:42:11 UTC

Im going to bleed out

Me

2018-02-05 15:42:23 UTC

I think you explained it fine.

dont have any

2018-02-05 15:42:37 UTC

2018-02-05 15:42:47 UTC

boy do they use a black hole to get from your eyebrows to your hairline

Me

2018-02-05 15:43:04 UTC

NUN

2018-02-05 15:43:18 UTC

Im going to bleed out

ooooof

2018-02-05 15:43:29 UTC

can we go over 4 pages

2018-02-05 15:43:34 UTC

what is a good way to start

OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

2018-02-05 15:43:51 UTC

your welcome

2018-02-05 15:43:51 UTC

The world we live in. It's so wondrous, mysterious, even magical. No. No, not that world. I meant this one. The smartphone.

2018-02-05 15:44:46 UTC

ooooooooooofffffffff

WHO DID THIS😂😂😂😂

2018-02-05 15:44:51 UTC

hello

2018-02-05 15:45:03 UTC

mining away

2018-02-05 15:45:10 UTC

Person under me is trash

2018-02-05 15:46:02 UTC

why are blacks so tall

they negrow

2018-02-05 15:46:18 UTC

Mama Connie

hello

2018-02-05 15:46:47 UTC

Objective: Students will be able to write a narrative story in first person point of view using sensory and precise language, dialogue, and varying sentence structure to describe a specific day in detail.

Writing Prompt: Have you ever felt challenged? In “Okay for Now”, Doug feels challenged everyday. Rather it be his dislike of his Father, lack of reading skills, or social skills, Doug seems to have a task in front of him to accomplish every day.

Write a 4 page narrative (from your point of view) story about a challenge you have faced and how you accomplished overcoming the challenge. You must include the exposition, introduce your characters, setting, etc. You must also include what the challenge was and what steps you took to overcome it.

(ex. Doug was illiterate. He took action and learned how to read….. How did he do this? Who was there? What extra steps did he take? Things Doug would include)

Use dialogue (conversation with quotations), sensory language, precise language, and varying sentence structure (compound sentence, complex sentence, etc) in your narrative. Must be 4 pages, double space., MLA format.

gene from the emoji movie

2018-02-05 15:47:11 UTC

Sid

2018-02-05 15:48:22 UTC

Yes

2018-02-05 15:48:53 UTC

I have a question

2018-02-05 15:49:24 UTC

isaiah

god

2018-02-05 15:49:44 UTC

i like the emoji movie

2018-02-05 15:51:07 UTC

The Boss Baby script also known as the Holy Bible

2018-02-05 15:52:16 UTC

1
Survival of the fittest.
It's the law of the jungle.
There's always someone trying
to take what's yours.
How do I know?
It almost happened to me.
Tim Templeton...
quit monkeying around.
Hot dogs are getting cold.
Hot dogs?
At least, this is how I remember it.
All right, buddy, let's eat.
You see, I was seven years old...
and back then,
you relied on your imagination.
When I wasn't exploring the Congo...
I was a deep sea diver.
Tim!
Our hero!
Don't worry, Mom and Dad.
I got this!
Grab on!
Some days, I rescued my parents.
That way!
Other days, they rescued me.
- I'm losing control.
- Tim, look out!
Tree!
You're breaking up!
Slow down, Tim!
- Turn, Tim.
- Turn!
- Are you hurt?
- I'm okay.
Show Mommy your teeth.
It was just the three of us.
The Templetons.
And three is the perfect number.
Interesting fact...
did you know that the triangle
is the strongest shape found in nature?
I was the luckiest kid ever.
My parents even had cool jobs.
They worked for the biggest pet company
in the world...
Puppy Co.
- Yes, Mr. Francis?
- Puppy Co needs you.
It's go time.
They worked in a department
called "Marketing..."
where they got to launch new products.
Even though my parents worked really hard...
they still made just enough time for me.
Three stories, five hugs,
and my special song, right?
You got it!
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
Hey, Tim. How would you like
to have a baby brother?
No, thanks. I'm enough.
Life was good. Life was perfect.
But as I drifted off to sleep...
something my parents said got me thinking.
Where do babies come from?
The day I got a little brother
started like any other day...
but little did I know...
my life would never be the same.
Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.
Wake up, little halflings!
Morning, Wizzie!
What great adventure
lies in wait for you today?
Oh, yeah!
My parents always said
that I had an overactive imagination.
But I clearly remember...
the baby was delivered in a taxi.
What the...
Hey!
Tim, look who's here.
Meet your new baby brother.
Baby what?
Brother.
I had a million questions.
Who is this guy? Why is he here?
What's with that outfit?
Why's he so fat? Why's he staring at me?
Does he know karate? What's going on?
That way?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Right from the start,
he was yelling at people...
ordering everyone around.
Oh, you want this?
One thing was clear. He was the boss.
He set up his office, right
smack dab in the middle of the house.
He conducted meetings.
- You called?
- Do you need Seor Squeaky?
Lots and lots of meetings.
Even in the middle of the night.
I'm up! I'm up!
- We're coming!
- We'll be right there!
If things weren't done
to his immediate satisfaction...
he had a fit.
- Where's the bottle?
- He has to have his bottle!
He had everyone wrapped around
his chubby little finger.
Everyone except for me.
- Diaper!
- Bottle!
Dad! I can't sleep.
I know, bud. Me neither.
The baby needs a lot of attention right now.
Okay, good talk!
- But...
- It's okay.
Daddy's here. Daddy's here.
What about me?
The year: 2057.
Ensign T-Rex and I are investigating
a hostile alien invasion.
It's so much worse than we thought.
Mom, he's naked!
I'm naked!
Say "naked."
No!
Who's Mommy's little cutie?
Are you Mommy's little cutie?
No, he's Daddy's little tough guy, right?
You know one of us has to go
with Mr. Francis to the pet convention.
In Vegas.
- You know what? You should go.
- No, no. You should go.
Well, you need a break.
- I'll stay with the baby, and you...
- Maybe the baby should decide.
Who do you want to stay with you?
Daddy or Mommy?
Or Daddy?
He wants his mommy.
Okay, we need to talk!
In private.
- Sure.
- About what, bud?
About the b-a-b-e-e.
"Y," Tim.
Why? Because he came out of nowhere!
We don't even know him.
How can we trust him?
Come on, he's just a baby.
Seriously? I'm the only one that thinks
there's something weird about this guy?
- Oopsie! I got it.
- Five-second rule.
Tim?
Look at him! He wears a suit!
I know. Isn't it cute?
He's like a little man.
He carries a briefcase.
Does no else think that's...
I don't know, a little freaky?
Well, you carried Lam-Lam around
until you were like...
This is not about Lam-Lam.
All babies are different, Tim.
And each one is special.
He's taking over the whole house!
Are you taking over the house?
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
Trust me, one day you're gonna
get to know this little guy...
and you are gonna love him
with all of your heart.
Just like we do.
All of your heart?
Never.
Hello!
It's time for my three stories,
five hugs, and special song!
How about one story...
three hugs, and my special song?
Just my special song?
Mom?
Dad?
Hey.
What happened to bedtime?
We'll have it on Monday, Mr. Francis.
Don't cry! Don't cry.
Hello?
Hello? No, ma'am, not yet.
No, I'm not making excuses.
Yes, ma'am,
I know I've been here a long time.
Believe me, it feels like my whole life.
I'm making great progress
with the parents already.
The usual procedure,
sleep deprivation, hunger strikes.
They're very disoriented.
I've got them
eating out of the palm of my hand.
They do everything for me.
It's hilarious.
But I think the kid might be on to me.
No, I can handle him.
I know how important this mission is
to the company.
Mission?
Well, trust me, ma'am.
You got the right baby for this job.
Hands up, devil baby!
Fart! Poop! Doodie!
I've gotta deal with the k-i-d.
You can talk!
Uh, goo-goo Ga-ga.
No, you can really talk. I heard you!
Fine. I can talk.
Now, let's see if you can listen.
Get me a double espresso...
and see if there's someplace around here
with decent sushi.
I'd kill for a spicy tuna roll
right about now.
Get yourself a little something.
Who are you?
Let's just say I'm the boss.
The boss? You're a baby! You wear a diaper.
You know who else wears diapers?
Astronauts and NASCAR drivers, that's who.
It's called efficiency, Templeton.
The average toddler spends, what?
45 hours a year on the potty?
I'm the boss.
I don't have that kind of spare time.
Well, you're not the boss of me.
- I am the boss of you.
- No, you're not.
- Am, too.
- Are not.
- Am, too!
- Are not!
- Am, too.
- Are not!
- Am, too.
- Are not!
Am, too. Am, too.
I was here first.
Just wait until Mom and Dad find out
about this.
Oh, yeah? You think they'd pick you over me?
With your track record?
You don't know anything about me.
So that's how you wanna play it, huh?
Let's see.
Templeton, Timothy. Middle name....
I'm sorry.
Leslie!
- Mostly C's...
- How do you know all that?
Can't ride a bike without training wheels?
Even bears can ride a bike
without training wheels, Leslie.
DOB says you're seven.
Seven and a half.
Power nap! You were saying?
I'm seven and a half.
Exactly! You're old.
It's time to make way
for the next generation.
It's the way of the world.
You would never ask your parents
for an old toy.
Lam-Lam?
Everyone wants the hot, new thing.
Destroy. Destroy.
- Lam-Lam!
- I've got fresh batteries.
Boom!
Mom and Dad don't even know you.
They love me!
Oh, yeah? Do the math, kid.
There's only so much love to go around.
It's like these beads.
You used to have all your parents' love.
All their time. All their attention.
You had all the beads.
But then I came along.
Babies take up a lot of time.
They need a lot of attention.
They get all the love.
We could share.
You obviously didn't go to business school.
Look, Templeton,
the numbers just don't add up.
There's not enough love for the two of us.
Not enough beads to go around.
And then, all of a sudden,
there's no place for Tim.
Tim doesn't fit anymore.
Oh, no! What about Tim?
So keep quiet. Stay out of my way.
Or there's gonna be cutbacks.
You can't be fired from your own family.
Can you?
Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.
Wake up, little half...
What's the use?
Arise for a nutritious breakfast!
It's 7:00 a.m.
What's wrong, Timothy?
Has that little dwarf made you blue?
Mm-hmm.
Then I shall cast upon him a great curse!
He shall not pass!
It's no use, Wizzie.
He's got Mom and Dad completely fooled.
If they knew what I knew,
they'd never let him stay.
Perhaps your parents need to be enlightened.
With a great curse!
They shall not pass!
Yeah. I need to enlighten them...
with proof!
That's what I need, proof!
Expose his dark magic!
Testing, testing.
Testing, testing.
Maybe they can return him to the store...
and get their money back!
We could buy a bouncy house!
Godspeed, Tim! It's 8:45 a.m.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Babies everywhere! They're spreading.
Mom! Dad! What's going on?
It's an invasion!
It's a play date!
That's a keeper.
It's a meeting, and you won't be attending.
We'll see about that.
Thank you all for coming here
on such short notice.
Now, before we begin...
Yes, sir!
- Sure is!
- Affirmative!
Jimbo, run some interference.
Hey!
- We babies are having a crisis!
- Oh, no!
- That's awful!
- Horrible!
What is it?
It's simpler if I just show you.
Teddy, if you please.
Let's put on a show.
Here we go!
Jimbo, hit the lights.
You see, babies aren't getting
as much love as we used to.
Why? Have we been bad?
No, Staci.
But I'll tell you who is.
Behold our mortal enemy. Puppies!
No! That's exactly the problem.
Puppies? What's the deal with puppies?
Throughout history...
people have loved babies
more than anything in the world.
We've always been a must-have item...
number one on every wish list.
Puppies were merely accessories.
But all that changed
when the puppies began coming out...
with new designer models.
Each one more adorable than the last.
Remember the Labradoodle?
The Peekapoo?
The Chiweenie?
Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling.
Not possible. Don't waste your time.
We all laughed at the Shar Pei.
And now it's number one in China.
- Oh, no.
- That's terrible!
- Horrible!
- Yes.
And it gets even worse.
Francis Francis, the CEO of Puppy Co,
made this announcement.
Teddy, roll the clip.
And we are on schedule...
to release the most adorable puppy ever.
We're gonna launch it
at the pet convention in Las Vegas!
Watch out, world!
It's gonna crush the competition!
- Yay!
- No, Jimbo.
No "Yay"! We are the competition!
This is war.
Puppies are winning, and babies are losing.
Thank you, Teddy.
And if this new puppy
is as cute as we fear...
it could put the baby business
out of business, baby.
That's awful!
Bad news, baby!
What are we going to do?
My job is to find out exactly what
that new puppy is...
so that Baby Corp can stop it.
And you're going to help me.
- Genius!
- Home run!
You still got it, boss!
Yay!
Yay.
Now, your parents all work for Puppy Co.
So have you learned anything from them?
- Yes, sir!
- Sure did!
Fantastic. Triplets, go!
- A.
- B.
- C.
- D.
No, what have you learned
about the new puppy?
Yay, puppy!
No, Jimbo! Puppies are evil.
Staci, read back the notes.
I can't read. What's it say?
This is my team?
A muscle-head, a bunch of yes men,
and a doodler?
- Exactly!
- Affirmative!
Good call.
- Oh, yeah!
- Nice one, BB!
Gotcha!
Put that cookie down.
Cookies are for closers.
- Let's have another show!
- No, Teddy!
- How about a hug?
- No more shows!
Boss?
- There's plenty of love to go around.
- Go to sleep!
Nighty-night.
- Boss!
- Boss!
- What?
- Parents!
It's like they're having their own
little meeting.
- Isn't that adorable?
- Who wants dessert?
God, this is so humiliating.
God, this is so humiliating.
Wait until Mom and Dad hear this.
Hey, Templeton, what you got there?
Nothing.
Hand over the tape.
Never!
Mom! Dad! Over here!
- Hi, Timmy!
- Hi! Anyway...
Flower power!
You can't get away from Johnny Law,
simpleton.
Fasten your seat belt. Let's go!
Run, run, run.
What? Hey!
Uh-oh.
Run, run, run.
Catch, catch, catch.
Yes!
Oh, yeah!
Let go, you little...
Oh, look! The kids are finally getting along.
That's nice.
Sayonara!
You wanna play?
Let's play.
No!
Save Boss! Save Boss!
- Get him!
- I got him!
- I got him!
- I got him!
You're toast, baby man!
Upsies, I need upsies!
Who wants...
Cheese sticks!
Mom, Dad! I've got proof!
Someone can't go down the stairs?
Nothing can stop me!
Mom! Dad! Where are you guys?
Hello?
Where did everyone go?
Mom, Dad! The baby can talk!
Oh, can he now?
Wait, how did you...
Hand over the tape, Timmy.
Or Lam-Lam gets it, see?
No!
What's that, Lam-Lam? You want a nose ring?
It's really not my scene,
but who am I to judge?
And an eyebrow ring?
Seems like a little too much, Lam-Lam.
How's that gonna look in a job interview?
Stop it!
The tape, Timmy! Or I'm gonna rip, rip, rip.
No! Let go!
- You let go!
- You let go!
- Give me the tape!
- Give me Lam-Lam!
Whoops! Too far.
Templeton! Templeton, let's be reasonable.
We can be reasonable, right?
What are you doing?
You've been asking for this
since you got here!
We can talk about this over a juice box!
Time for juice boxes is over.
No, Templeton. You wouldn't.
Say bye-bye, baby! You're fired!
What are you doing?
Nothing.
My proof!
Tim! Explain yourself!
Yes, explain yourself.
It wasn't me! It was the baby's fault.
The baby's fault?
It's true! He can talk.
They all can talk.
They were having a meeting.
There's something about puppies.
It's one big baby con-spy-racy!
Timothy Leslie Templeton!
We are very disappointed in you.
- No, we're mad at you!
- Exactly, we're mad at you.
- Mad?
- You need a time-out!
- You're grounded!
- Yes, grounded!
- For two...
- Three!
- Three days?
- Weeks!
Weeks! Three weeks!
For three... evers!
Grounded?
You're gonna stay in this house
with your baby brother...
until you learn to get along.
Great.
It was my first time behind bars.
The big house.
The lock-up.
Grounded for life.
The minutes turned into hours,
the hours into days.
Every man has his breaking point.
This was mine.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
- Take these broken wings and learn to fly
- Hey, that's my song.
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
It's okay, little halfling.
Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night!
Pray, take these broken wings
and learn to fly!
Fly, you fools!
Thanks, Wizzie.
But it's not the same.
If only I could reach my magical shank.
I could break us out of this big house.
Templeton!
Templeton, we have to talk.
Go away.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Stop it!
That's my song, not yours.
My parents wrote it just for me.
Really?
Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?
No, Ted and Janice.
You don't even know their names!
You're just trying to steal them from me.
You stole everything!
You're the one who should be in jail!
Look, it's time we put our differences aside.
Have you been...
No!
Where's HR when you need them?
Take it.
I don't want your filthy money.
Look, I told you to stay out of my way.
I can't! You're in my house.
I don't wanna be here...
any more than you want me to be here.
Then why are you torturing me?
The truth is I'm no ordinary baby.
Well, no kidding.
I'm on a mission from above.
Are you the Baby Jesus?
Yes. I'm the Baby Jesus.
No!
You see, I'm more middle management
for the company.
The company? What company?
Here.
Take this. It'll explain everything.
What do you want me to do with that?
- I want you to suck it.
- You suck it!
No, it's for you to suck.
I'm not sucking that!
- Suck it.
- I don't know where it's been!
It's not where it's been.
It's where it will take you.
Don't you wanna know...
where babies really come from?
Binky. Papish. Nuk-Nuk.
Boo-Boo. Bo-Bo. Bah-Bah.
Chupie. Hushie-Baby. Tootsie.
It goes by many names.
But through its power,
you will know the truth.
Come on, faster!
Mommy!
Where are we?
Welcome to Baby Corp!
No way.
- Thank you.
- What?
Relax. They can't see us or hear us.
- We're, like, virtual and stuff?
- Yep.
- You mean they won't feel this?
- Nope.
- Or this?
- Nada.
Karate!
Don't embarrass yourself, Templeton.
I can still see you.
So this is where babies come from?
Where'd you think, the cabbage patch?
Magic fairies?
No, my parents told me that...
What?
No. That's disgusting.
Yeah, it didn't sound right to me, either.
I can't believe
my parents didn't tell me about this.
If people knew where babies really came from,
they'd never have one.
Same thing with hot dogs, by the way.
Going upsies!
So how come I don't remember this place?
You did.
But after normal babies
get their pacifiers taken away...
you forget all about Baby Corp.
How come you're not normal?
A few of us, the best of the best...
are selected for the...
For the ultimate honor.
Upper management.
This, Templeton, is where all the action is.
Nap time in Sector G.
So this whole place is run by babies?
Yep.
My Dad says, "Those who can, do."
"And those who can't, supervise."
Your father is a hippy.
What happens when you grow up?
We don't.
We drink a super-secret baby formula
that keeps us babies forever.
Back to work! Formula break is over!
We're in a crisis here!
Don't you know we're in a crisis here?
Who is that?
That is my boss. Big Boss Baby.
What is she screaming about?
Well, see this pie chart?
Wow, it looks like a giant pie.
It represents all the love there is
in the world.
- I love pie.
- Who doesn't?
- Apple.
- Fine.
- No, cherry!
- Perfect!
- Not pumpkin.
- Okay.
That's a vegetable.
Point is, the puppies' slice
is getting bigger and bigger.
They're stealing all our love!
Just like you did to me.
Exactly.
And if this keeps up...
there might not be enough pie left
for babies.
No pie?
No pie.
So, my mission is to find out
what this new puppy is.
So you're, like, on a spy mission? Cool!
Yes! Cool! And if... When I succeed...
I'll become a Baby Corp legend.
Like Super Big Boss Baby, Mega Boss Baby...
Seriously Big Boss Baby...
and him.
Now that's a big, fat baby.
No, that's Big Fat Boss Baby.
This is Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby.
He was the youngest Chief Executive Infant
in the history of the company.
Was? What happened to him?
Retired, years ago.
But I still try and live up to his legend.
In every situation, I ask myself...
"W-W-S-C-B-F-B-B-D?
"What Would Super Colossal
Big Fat Boss Baby Do?"
So that's all you get?
Your picture on the wall?
Come here!
I'll get a promotion.
The corner office...
with my own private potty.
Wow.
So when you're done, you're coming back here?
A-S-A-P, T-i-m.
I'm not a family man. I belong behind a desk.
- That's awesome!
- I know, right?
- Pew pew.
- What?
So help me,
I will nail his diaper to the wall!
Have we heard anything
from that little Boss Baby...
that we sent down to the Templetons?
- I don't know.
- You're fired!
Oh, no.
You're all fired!
The pet convention is in two days.
If he doesn't come up with answers...
he is fired, retired!
- Gone!
- Tour's over.
What was Big Bossy Baby Lady screaming about?
She's demanding actual results.
The pet convention is in two days,
and I've got nothing!
That's her! Don't answer it!
Stress nap!
If I don't find out
what that new puppy is and fast...
not only will I not get that promotion...
I could get fired!
Hey, relax.
I'm sure there's other cool jobs
for babies, right?
Meanwhile, two days goes by like that.
You better start packing.
What?
You don't get it, Templeton.
If I'm fired, they'll take away my formula.
I will turn into a normal baby...
and live here forever with you.
- No!
- Yes!
And I promise you this...
Every morning you wake up...
I'll be there.
Every night, at dinner...
I'll be there.
Every birthday party...
I'll be there.
Every Christmas!
I'll be there
Year after year after year.
We will grow old together.
You and I...
will be brothers.
Always.
- No. No, this is terrible!
- I know.
- This can't be happening.
- But it is!
- You can't stay here!
- I can't!
- Don't panic!
- But it feels right!
I know, but we have to fix this.
We have to make sure you don't get fired.
We?
We.
I will help you...
but just to get rid of you.
Deal?
Deal.
Here's to never seeing you again.
Back at ya, baby.
Now let's get to work.
Come on, come on, come on.
Slice!
No, no.
There's nothing here about a new puppy.
Aren't you gonna do any work?
I'm very busy delegating.
He drains it!
So once we find the file on the new puppy...
what do we do then?
Send in the baby ninjas?
Even better.
I'm going to write the perfect memo.
- Boom!
- Boom!
Wait. What's a memo?
A memo is something you write
to give people information.
That's your plan?
You're gonna write a book report?
That's so boring.
No, Templeton.
Memos are for important things.
A memo can bring people together.
A memo can be a call to arms...
a manifesto, a poem.
A memo can change the world.
Wow! When you explain it like that...
it still sounds boring.
You'll learn, kid.
You'll learn.
Wait a second. This is it!
What? What is it?
Check this out. Take Your Kid to Work Day.
People take children
to a place of business? Why?
Because it's awesome!
It's disgusting.
Don't you see? We can get inside Puppy Co...
and find out what the new puppy is!
What's the point?
You're grounded.
Your parents aren't
going to take us anywhere.
You're right. They think we hate each other.
Hate is a strong word.
It's the right word, but still.
We have to convince them
that we're actual brothers.
Right.
That we...
Loathe?
No.
Like!
No. That we...
La, la, la...
Le, Le, Le...
No.
No way. No. You don't mean...
Love each other.
I just threw up a noodle and swallowed it.
- Here comes the choo-choo train!
- No.
- Choo, choo, chugga, chugga.
- No choo-choo!
Hold the train! No!
It looks like it's already been eaten!
Who's there? I got a racket!
What's going on in here?
I'm just feeding the baby.
They're watching.
Choo-choo.
Okay.
Choo-choo on that.
I don't wear nautical. It's not even Friday!
Come on, you're putting this thing on!
You gonna make me? You can't make me, punk.
- What have you done to me?
- Stop!
- Get back here!
- No!
No way.
Come on!
Tim, what are you doing in here?
Oh, no.
Hey, what's all the racket?
Isn't he adorable?
I've got one for you, too! Ahoy, matey!
What?
Bummer.
Smile!
Smile for the camera.
It makes me feel weak.
- Who's ticklish?
- It doesn't work on me.
- Here?
- I'm dead down there.
Come on, everyone has a tickle spot.
"'I don't think I'll fit,' said Gretel."
Come here, look at this.
"'I could get in myself.'
"And then, Hansel and Gretel...
"pushed the wicked old woman into the oven.
"And the godless witch
was miserably burnt to death."
Let me get this straight.
The story is about cannibalism
and burning people alive.
Yeah.
No wonder kids are so messed up!
Getting along is exhausting.
Back at ya, Tim.
You should have seen your face
in that picture.
You were all...
I'm not used to being tickled.
Once at a corporate retreat.
But those things always get weird.
What? You've never been tickled?
What about your parents?
I'm sorry. I forgot.
You didn't have parents, did you?
Tim, I may look like a baby...
but I was born all grown up.
I can't even imagine not being a kid.
You missed out on your whole childhood?
You never had someone to love you?
You can't miss what you never had.
Wake up, little halflings!
Hey, Tim. Wake up, buddy.
- What?
- Rise and shine!
Is something wrong? Am I fired?
No, you're late for work.
What?
It's Take Your Kid to Work Day!
And you're the kid.
You're officially un-grounded.
- Really?
- Really.
Can the baby come, too?
I don't see why not.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Yeah!
I wish I was that excited for work.
Look, it's my spatula.
Yeah, baby.
All right, gentlemen. Welcome to Puppy Co.
Wow! This is awesome!
And Tim, look!
They have a puppy pool and everything!
Isn't that sanitary?
Hey, bud, you wanna get a picture
with Puppy Co Pete?
No, thanks.
It's probably too scary for the baby.
Nice call.
Your dad and I have some work to do.
You wanna come up to the office
and hang out with us?
We'll stick your brother in the Puppy Zone...
while we have a little Tim time.
Tim time?
Dad and I know we haven't been able
to do as much with you as we used to.
So, what do you say?
No, thanks.
I'd rather spend time with the baby.
- So cute.
- That's so sweet.
Way to keep your eyes on the prize,
Templeton.
We find out what the new puppy is,
and I go home.
You guys stay in the Puppy Zone, okay?
Okay, bye!
That's where we'll find
the secret file on the new puppy.
We'll never get through that door.
No, not that door.
The doggy door.
But how do we get past the guard?
No, no, no. No way.
No!
Itchy, plushy, puppy pants!
What a cute, little pup...
Ow!
Yay!
Kids.
Get down.
All the way down.
I've never been so humiliated in all my life.
Arf!
Hey!
Fetch!
What am I doing?
Oh, no!
Yes!
What a good boy.
No. No biting.
Timothy Templeton, office ninja.
- Over here.
- What is it?
It's gotta be in here.
It's begging us to go in.
Wow.
That's a lot of paperwork.
I thought puppies shredded everything.
This is getting creepy.
I've come for your soul.
Cut it out!
Wait!
That's it!
The file!
See! I was right.
No. I've seen this before somewhere.
We've gotta find something
to replace it with.
You're right. Like another file.
Yes! A file with the same weight.
So it can be placed
in the exact same position.
- With the exact same weight.
- You already said that.
I know I said it. Hey, you hit me twice.
Make it a third time. Wait!
I think I've seen one here.
Smead manila, pressboard edges.
About 50 ounces. No, 49.
Try this one.
Wait!
Now it's perfect.
Yes!
I feel like we should run.
I know, but it's just so mesmerizing.
I kind of wanna see how it ends.
Yeah, me too.
Well, that didn't end well.
What?
What the...?
Thanks for dropping in, kids.
Francis Francis?
I see you've met my big brother, Eugene.
A man of few words.
None, in fact.
Can you put your head back on, please?
What is all this?
Surprise!
A Baby Corp binky? Where did you get that?
You don't recognize me?
Perhaps from my youth!
Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby?
He is him? And him is you?
Except older and wrinklier.
That's not right.
No. You were my hero!
How did you end up here?
You know what I do to little kids
who ask lots of questions about me?
Eugene!
I read them my story.
And, I baked cookies!
Eugene, my chair.
Now, it all started at Baby Corp...
a long, long time ago.
I was a hotshot executive...
headed straight to the top.
Everyone loved me.
They gave me a promotion,
the corner office...
my very own...
Personal potty?
I had it all.
But then one day...
I made a terrible discovery.
I was getting old.
The formula wasn't working anymore.
It turns out I was lactose intolerant.
- No!
- Yes!
I got called in
to see the board of directors.
Who are the boring directors?
The biggest baby bosses of them all.
I thought they loved me.
But they replaced me with someone new.
Someone younger.
That's horrible.
All of a sudden, she got all the love...
all the attention.
You know how that feels, don't you, Tim?
It hurts, doesn't it?
Yeah. It does.
And then what happened?
Well...
They fired me!
And took away my special formula.
Then they sent me down to live with a...
- family!
- Oh, Francis, no!
Baby Corp betrayed me!
And I'm finally going to get revenge...
with the Forever Puppy.
- Huh?
- That's it?
No, no.
Imagine a puppy that never grows up.
A puppy that stays a puppy forever.
Once I launch my Forever Puppies
to every corner of the world...
they'll be so adorable...
How cute!
...no one will ever want a baby
ever, ever again.
The end of Baby Corp!
Please.
A puppy that never grows up?
That's impossible!
Isn't it?
It was, until you brought me
the key ingredient.
My secret formula.
It's mine! It's mine!
It's all mine.
No!
You brought me the very thing I needed
to destroy Baby Corp.
- No!
- Yes!
You walked right into my trap!
- You'll never get away with this!
- Yeah, not if we...
What? Tell?
Who are you gonna tell, Tim? Your parents?
Where are the boys?
I told them to stay in the Puppy Zone.
I'm taking them both with me to Las Vegas.
So stay out of my way.
I'd hate for them to get terminated.
They'd never leave us alone.
Oh, really?
Wait until they meet Puppy Co's certified...
in-house childcare expert.
Oh, no.
- Don't be nervous, buddy.
- It's only overnight.
We'll be back before you know it.
Besides, you boys are in great hands.
That's right!
Eugenia is practically perfect in every way.
No.
Please don't go with him.
Francis Francis is trying to...
Believe me...
Eugenia won't take her eyes
off your children.
Not for one second.
That's very reassuring.
Now you see them.
And now, you don't.
Too-da-loo!
To the airport!
It's over. I'm through.
What do we do, Templeton?
What do we do?
We have to get to the airport
and stop Francis Francis...
before the plane takes off!
Yes! But how do we get past
Scary Poppins down there?
Okay. There must be something we can do.
Hey, it's not that bad.
Are you okay?
What's the matter with you?
Don't look at me!
Oh, no!
Without that formula,
I turn into a normal baby.
You know, goo-goo, Ga-ga. The whole bit!
Oh, no!
Gross!
I'm a ticking baby time bomb!
I'm going to turn into a puking,
pooping, helpless baby!
Wait a second. That gives me an idea.
What? What is it?
I've been through a lot of babysitters...
and they all fear one thing.
Now, ladies,
the secret to deep fried butter...
is a healthy dab of margarine.
Hey, Mr. Lady Man!
The baby. I think he's sick!
You gotta do something!
Oh, the horror!
- Templeton!
- Delicious!
Gross! It got in your mouth!
It got in my mouth, too!
I think I'm gonna be sick!
Swirly!
There's only an hour
before the plane takes off.
Let's take the bike.
The bike?
I don't know.
Let's move!
- Okay, but wait right here!
- What?
Where are you going? Templeton!
Always wear a helmet.
Too-da-loo, toilet head!
You'll never catch us!
Staci!
Staci, come in!
Oh, Staci!
- Is that you, boss?
- Code red!
I'm being chased by a killer babysitter!
Gather the team!
On it, boss.
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Code red.
Got it!
We got a code red. Repeat...
We got a code red!
What are you doing, Templeton? Go, go!
But that's jaywalking!
Here, I'll pay your ticket.
Go!
I think we lost him!
Oh, no, we didn't!
Flower power!
Pow, pow, pow!
That's my boy!
Poppy!
Run, run, run.
Uh-oh.
Run, run, run.
Tim, you've gotta go faster!
I can't do it!
You can.
You've got it in you, Templeton.
Now, eyes ahead.
I said eyes ahead, son!
Buttocks up! Now pedal like you mean it!
Either you run the day, or the day runs you.
Good!
Uh-oh!
My training wheels!
I can't ride without training wheels!
Whether you think you can
or you think you can't, you're right!
What are you talking about?
The path to success
is not a straight line, Templeton...
but rather a wild ride...
like a ship at sea.
And you're a sea captain...
taming a turbulent ocean!
I'm a sea captain, taming the ocean!
Good!
Tree! I'm gonna hit it!
Aim for failure, and you'll always succeed.
- What?
- Aim away from failure!
I'm doing it. I'm doing it!
Once success is a habit...
then it's all downhill.
Look!
There they are! Mom, Dad!
- Train!
- Choo-choo!
Stop!
What are you doing?
- We're gonna make it.
- But I don't have a quote for this!
You did it!
No! We did it.
And all without your training wheels.
Coming through!
Baby on board!
Hang on to your diaper!
Duck and cover!
Hold it, buddy!
I'm gonna need a strip search on two.
There they are! Mom, Dad!
Hey, not so fast!
Oh, no.
Templeton!
- Hey!
- Sorry!
Hey, where'd you go?
Oh, no!
Not again!
Not now!
What the...?
No, no, no!
Come on!
I think I ate $1.75.
Excuse me, coming through! Mom, Dad!
Hurry now! Move!
We don't wanna miss our flight!
- No!
- I warned you!
Wait!
- No!
- No.
Mom, Dad! Stop!
No!
No, no, no.
They're gone.
I failed.
I would've gotten to my parents
if I didn't have to go back for you!
What? We would have been here
in plenty of time...
if you knew how to ride a bike
like a normal kid!
We're never going to stop the launch on time.
Who cares? My parents are in danger.
I care! Baby Corp is going to go
out of business.
That's all you ever talk about.
You don't even know what it's like
to be part of a family.
And you don't know what it's like
to have a job!
You don't know anything about hugs,
or bedtime stories, or special songs!
Oh, please! Stop acting like a baby.
You're a baby!
You take that back.
My life was perfect until you showed up!
Believe me, kid, the feeling is mutual.
I wish I'd never met you!
I wish you'd never been born!
Where are you going?
Fine!
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
Would Timothy Templeton please pick up
the white courtesy phone?
Timothy Leslie Templeton,
please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Leslie.
Hello?
It's me. Don't hang up, Tim!
Tim, I wasn't born. I was hired.
What do you mean?
Baby Corp is the only home I've ever known.
So you're right.
I don't know what it's like...
to be part of a family.
But I do care.
You do?
Yeah.
And the only way to save both
is to stop Francis Francis.
Yeah.
I can't do this without you, Tim.
I need you.
- I guess we do make a pretty good team.
- No.
Literally, I can't reach the door knobs.
Oh, right.
Don't worry, Tim.
We're gonna save your parents.
And your company.
But how do we get to Vegas now?
We're gonna need a miracle.
Follow that Elvis!
Why?
Where there's Elvis, there's Vegas!
There's another one!
And another one!
Elvises everywhere!
Tim, there's our flight!
And there goes our ticket!
Hey! Don't be cruel!
Sorry!
- Well, thank you!
- Oh, baby!
Well, thank you very much.
Hello.
Hi.
Ticket please.
One moment.
It's been stolen!
Impersonating an Elvis impersonator?
Get him!
Humina, humina, humina.
Stop!
The ghost of Elvis!
We gotta find seats!
Come on, this way!
What is this place?
This, Templeton, is first class.
Why is it empty?
No one can afford it.
That's what makes it so wonderful.
Hello! This is Captain Ross.
Ladies and gentlemen, and those in coach...
please fasten your seat belts.
We're about to take off.
What's the matter, Templeton?
My parents always hold my hand
during takeoff.
Boy, the stocks are crazy today.
Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Ross again.
As you can see,
I've switched off the seat belt sign.
What are you two boys doing up here?
We're Captain Ross's kids.
He told us to sit here.
Well, can I get you special guys anything?
Anything?
Anything.
Aye! All right, Francis Francis.
This will teach you
to kidnap the parents of One-Eyed Tim.
Oh, please. If only it were that easy.
What's your plan?
You're not gonna write a memo, are you?
No.
Come on. You said you never really
had a childhood, right?
Why don't you give it a try?
- No, I can't.
- It's fun!
Here, let's get you into character.
I don't know. I feel silly!
Go on! Say something mean to him.
All right, all right, all right.
So, you went to a community college, is it?
I don't know.
Keep going!
And you have the guts
to ask me for a bonus, now?
See!
Now you're getting into it.
Huh?
Well, blow me down.
Your exit interview is over!
That was pretty good.
Who was that guy anyway?
- The captain!
- What?
En garde!
Heave!
Ho!
Thar she blows!
Watch your stern!
- Aye!
- Dodge, parry, and thrust!
Sounds like a heck of a law firm!
Nice try! Heads up!
You're fired!
And here's your severance package. Ha!
Wait. You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
You're not?
You're supposed to end with "Argh!"
Got it! Argh!
That's great!
Thanks! I just went with the flow.
Ladies and gentlemen, and those in coach...
on the left side of the plane...
you can see we're approaching
fabulous Las Vegas.
Land ho!
Ahoy, matey.
Bye, Dad! Thanks for the lift!
- Okay. What?
- Let's move.
- Going to the Heartbreak Hotel?
- I'm going to the Heartbreak Hotel.
- Me, too!
- Me, too!
Me, too!
We've gotta get to the convention center.
Should we get a taxi?
Darn! I spent all my per Diem.
That's more our speed.
Right.
Excuse me, ladies.
Can we get a ride home?
Jimmy's been sick,
and he needs his expensive medicine.
Where do you live, sweetie?
The convention center.
Bye, sweetie!
Have a fun lady party!
Chicks dig babies.
The people of Long Island do not know
how to make an iced tea.
Oh, no! How are we gonna find my parents
in here?
Tim!
Over there.
Okay, now where's Puppy Co?
Puppy Co, Puppy Co, Puppy Co...
Aha! Here it is. Found it!
But how did you...?
Hey! Where'd you go?
Not again!
Come on! I need you!
I'm back! I'm back.
What's going on?
That's right.
We're gonna launch a brand new puppy
in every continent.
In every country!
We're going to take over the world,
one heart at a time.
- Tim, there they are!
- Mom, Dad!
Imagine a puppy that never grows up...
never gets old.
A puppy that stays a puppy forever.
I give you the only thing you'll ever love...
the Forever Puppy!
Mommy?
Avert your eyes, Templeton!
Hey! What are you doing here?
Mom, Dad!
What are they doing here?
What are Tim and the baby doing here?
What are any of us doing here, really?
What is going on here?
He's got my parents!
We're really here to get them.
Get them!
Get the Forever Puppy!
We've got to get backstage.
In there!
Run!
Go, go, go!
Left, right! Left, right! Left, right!
Yes!
Fart. Poop. Doodie.
Look at all that formula.
Now that's how you launch a product.
Oh, no!
He's putting them under the rocket!
Elvis has left the building!
Mom, Dad...
I'm coming!
Atta boy! Go, Tim! Go, go!
Launch initiated.
I'm launching my Forever Puppies,
and there's nothing you can do about it!
No!
Baby Corp stole all the love from me...
and now I'm going to take it back from them.
You should understand what I'm talking about.
You got replaced just like me!
No! I'm nothing like you!
Bratty kid!
Let our parents go! His parents. The parents.
Yeah!
You could have had your parents' love
all to yourself again!
But no!
You blew it!
You let that baby boss you around.
He doesn't work for me.
We're partners!
I'm not ticklish.
Hey! Where's the baby?
Everyone has a tickle spot!
My ears!
Stop it!
Little brats!
Nothing is going to get in the way
of my vengeance.
Not you, not anybody!
Baby Corp is through.
I win! Ha!
Wrong!
You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
- That's right!
- What?
You're supposed to end with...
Argh!
En garde!
You're fired!
And here's your severance package!
Take that, you scurvy scallywag!
Argh!
One minute and counting.
- Help!
- Anybody!
Tim! What are you doing?
No!
Mom, Dad, I'm coming!
Is that you?
Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I got this!
- Are you okay?
- Is the baby all right?
Yes, the baby's fine.
Who was that?
That was me!
The baby's fine.
It won't budge!
What's happening?
Wait a second!
Hey.
I know a way to move my parents.
- How?
- We can use the puppies!
Upsies.
I need upsies.
But what if you "go baby" again?
It'll be fine. Fine, fine.
Fine!
It'll be fine.
Hang on to your diaper!
We're moving!
Why are we moving?
All right, Mom and Dad, hang on!
T-minus 30 seconds.
Oh, no! Wait!
Hold on!
Go, Tim! Get your parents...
out of here.
You've gotta jump!
Come on, it's a piece of cake!
No! No patty cake! Get down!
Don't cry. I'm sorry. Please don't cry!
20 seconds.
15 seconds.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
- Three...
- Gotcha!
...two, one.
Blast off!
Yeah!
Hey, are you still in there?
Aha!
What happened? Did we win?
- We won!
- We won?
- We won, we won, we won!
- We won! Yes!
Victory nap!
You ruined everything!
It's not fair! It's not fair!
That's not right.
Now you're really going to pay!
Oh, yeah? It's time you pick on someone
your own size!
What?
Eugene! You put me down!
You hear me? I am the boss of you!
This time, we'll raise him right.
I'm sure that's gonna turn out fine.
Tim, what's happening?
Mom, Dad, hold on!
Yes!
- Tim?
- Tim!
Tim! Are you okay?
I'm fine. We're fine.
You saved us.
You're our hero.
And a great big brother.
We love you both so much.
Both of us?
With all our heart.
Let's go home.
How do I look?
You look great.
Well, team, good job.
Staci, this letter should get you
into the school of your choice.
- Kindergarten?
- That's right.
And if there's anything else...
How about a raise?
Staci, you don't get paid.
- One million ziggity-five!
- Eight!
- A tricycle!
- Skates!
- Candy corn?
- Lollipop!
Deal.
Best boss ever.
And you guys don't always have to
toe the company line, you know?
It's okay to think for yourself.
- No, sir!
- No way!
That's a terrible idea!
That's the attitude.
- You're so right!
- You've got it, sir!
- You're the man!
- Absolutely!
Here you go, big guy.
You've earned it.
You wanna hug me, don't you?
I'll miss you too, buddy. Okay.
- There, there.
- It'll be okay, big guy.
So...
you did it.
No. We did it.
By the way,
congratulations on your promotion.
The corner office, the private potty.
All that stuff.
But, hey! How about you?
You have your parents all to yourself.
So what am I gonna tell Mom and Dad
after you leave?
Don't worry.
Baby Corp has a procedure
for situations like this.
It'll be like I was never born.
I almost forgot!
No way! Lam-Lam!
- You fixed her.
- Yep.
She's as good as new. She's a tough one.
Well, I guess we both got what we wanted.
It's a win-win.
Probably should...
Yeah.
So, stay in school.
I don't really have a choice.
Yeah, right.
- Goodbye, Tim.
- Bye.
Yeah, right.
He left as suddenly as he arrived.
Bye.
Finally, my life was perfect again.
Forget about the baby.
Oopsies!
Pardon me, big fella.
Surprise!
Hooray!
Forget about the baby?
No, thanks. I'm good.
Okie-dokie.
Argh.
Dear Boss Baby...
I don't usually write very much...
but now I know
that memos are very important things.
Even though I never went
to business school...
I did learn to share in kindergarten.
And if there isn't enough love
for the two of us...
then I wanna give you all of mine.
I would like to offer you a job.
It will be hard work...
and there will be no pay.
But the good news is that
you can never be fired.
And I promise you this.
Every morning when you wake up,
I will be there.
Every night at dinner, I will be there.
Every birthday party,
every Christmas morning...
I will be there.
Year after year after year.
We will grow old together.
And you and I will always...
...be brothers.
Always.
Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.
What's the point, Wizzie?
Because it's 7:00 a.m.
I have one job to do,
and you make it so difficult.
It's okay, little halfling.
Sometimes, I get confused too.
Especially during daylight savings time.
Spring forward, fall back.
We don't even have calendars
in the wizard's realm!
There is no spring, only darkness and winter!
I'm not confused at all, Wizzie.
I just miss him.
Tim, look who's here!
It's your new baby...
Brother!
You're here! You're really here!
Gentle, gentle.
You came back!
Say hello to Theodore Lindsey Templeton.
Lindsey?
Who's ticklish? Who's ticklish?
Here you go.
So, that's my story.
Our story.
Luckily for me and my little brother,
it had a happy ending.
Is that a true story, Daddy?
Well, sweetie, that's how I remember it.
- But you know what I found out?
- What?
There's plenty of love for everyone.
Even me?
Especially you.
Just ask your Uncle Ted.
Hey, kid, I hear you're gonna have
a baby sister.
I wanted a horse.
Here you go, kid. Go get yourself a horse.
You know, I'm proud of you, Leslie.
Back at ya, Lindsey.
Hi there, baby sister.
Argh!
All right, guys.
Time for bed.
Come on, Mom. Just a little longer.
Okay.
Wake up, little halflings!
It's time to leave.
Go and live your peasant lives.
Be gone with you!

More Movie Scripts | Request a Movie Transcript



Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=the-boss-baby

2018-02-05 15:52:51 UTC

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.

But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only 

be broken by love's first kiss.

She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing 

dragon.

Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, 

but non prevailed.

She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest 

tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.

{Laughing} 

Like that's ever gonna happen.

{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}

What a load of - 



Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'

Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey, now You're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up now but wait till you get older

But the meteor men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin

The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

My world's on fire

How 'bout yours

That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

Hey, now, you're an all-star

{Shouting}

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

{Belches}

Go!

Go!

{Record Scratching}

Go. Go.Go.

Hey, now, you're an all-star

Get your game on, go play

Hey, now You're a rock star

Get the show on, get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold



-Think it's in there?

-All right. Let's get it!

-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.

{Laughs}

-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.

Now, ogres - - They're much worse.

They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.

-No!

-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!

Actually, it's quite good on toast.

-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!

{Gasping}

-Right.

{Roaring}

{Shouting}

{Roaring}

{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.

{Gasping}

{Laughs}

{Laughing} And stay out!

"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."

{Sighs}

{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.

-Take it away!

{Gasps}

-Move it along. Come on! Get up!

-Next!

-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.

That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!

-Get up! Come on!

-Twenty pieces.

{Thudding}

-Sit down there!

-Keep quiet!

{Crying}

-This cage is too small.

-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.

I can change. Please! Give me another chance!

-Oh, shut up.

-Oh!

-Next!

-What have you got?

-This little wooden puppet.

-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.

-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

-Father, please! Don't let them do this!

-Help me!

-Next! What have you got?

-Well, I've got a talking donkey.

{Grunts}

-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.

-Oh, go ahead, little fella.

-Well?

-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.

He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -

-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.

I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.

-Get her out of my sight.

-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

{Gasps}

-Hey! I can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can fly!

-He can talk!

-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly

but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!

Oh-oh.

{Grunts}

-Seize him!

-After him! He's getting away!

{Grunts, Gasps}

{Man}

-Get him! This way! Turn!

-You there. Orge!

-Aye?

-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under 

arrest

and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.

-Oh, really? You and what army?

{Gasps, Whimpering}

{Chuckles}

-Can I say something to you?

-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. 

Incredible!

Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!

-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great 

back here? Those guards!

They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They 

was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made 

me feel good to see that.

-Oh, that's great. Really.

-Man, it's good to be free.

-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? 

Hmm?

-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by 

myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 

You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit 

out of anybody that crosses us.

{Roaring}

-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that 

don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you 

definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!

You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - 

{Mumbling}

Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my 

butt that day.

-Why are you following me?

-I'll tell you why. 



'Cause I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

My promlems have all gone

There's no one to deride me

But you gotta heve friends - - 



-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.

-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.

-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?

-Uh - - Really tall?

-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't 

that bother you?

-Nope.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Oh.

-Man, I like you. What's you name?

-Uh, Shrek.

-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?

You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.

I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. 

Who'd want to live in place like that?

-That would be my home.

-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a 

decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I 

like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.

-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

-I like my privacy.

-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I 

hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them 

a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

-Can I stay with you?

-Uh, what?

-Can I stay with you, please?

-Of course!

-Really?

-No.

-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to 

be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta 

stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

-Okay! Okay! But one night only.

-Ah! Thank you!

-What are you - - No! No!

-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, 

and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

-Oh!

-Where do, uh, I sleep?

-Outside!

-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you 

don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.

{Sniffles}

-Here I go.

-Good night.

{Sighs}

-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 

I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, 

outside.



I'm all alone

There's no one here beside me

{Bubbling}

{Sighs}

{Creaking}

{Sighs}

-I thought I told you to stay outside.

-I'm outside.

{Clattering}

-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we 

have? 

-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.

-What a lovely bed.

-Got ya.

{Sniffs} I found some cheese.

-Ow! {Grunts}

-Blah! Awful stuff.

-Is that you, Gorder?

-How did you know?

-Enough! What are you doing in my house?

{Grunts}

-Hey!

{Snickers}

-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.

-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.

-Huh?

{Gusps}

{Male voice} What?

-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I 

have to do get a little privacy?

-Aah!

-Oh, no. No! No!

{Cackling}

-What?

-Quit it.

-Don't push.

{Squeaking}

{Lows}

- What are you doing in my swamp?

{Echoing}

Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!

{Gasping}

-Oh, dear!

-Whoa!

-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! 

Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!

-Quickly. Come on!

-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.

-Oh!

{Sighs}

-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.

-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.

-What?

-We were forced to come here.

-By who?

-Lord Farquaad.

-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.

{Sighs}

-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?

{Murmuring}

-Oh, I do. I know where he is.

-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?

-Me! Me!

-Anyone?

-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!

{Sighs}

-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. 

Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy 

Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came 

from!

{Cheering}

{Twittering}

-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.

- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two 

stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!

-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.

-Hey. Oh, oh!

-I can't wait to get on the road again.

-What did I say about singing?

-Can I whistle?

-No.

-Can I hum it?

-All right, hum it.

{Humming}



{Grunts}

{Whimpering}

-That's enough. He's ready to talk.

{Coughing}

{Laughing}

{Clears throat}

-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the 

gingerbread man!

-You are a monster.

-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy 

tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the 

others?

-Eat me!{Grunts}

-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached 

its end! Tell me or I'll - -

-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.

-All right then. Who's hiding them?

-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?

-The muffin man?

-The muffin man.

-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?

-Well, she's married to the muffin man.

-The muffin man?

-The muffin man!

-She's married to the muffin man.

{Door opens}

-My lord! We found it.

-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

{Man grunting}

{Gasping}

-Oh!

-Magic mirror - - 

-Don't tell him anything!

-No!

{Ginerbread man whispers}

-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect 

kingdom of them all?

-Well, technically you're not a king.

-Uh, Thelonius.

-You were saying?

-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one.  All 

you have to do is marry a princess.

-Go on.

{Chuckles}

-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to 

meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette 

number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. 

She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking 

and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.

-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of 

fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just 

kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come 

on. Give it up for Snow White!

-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a 

fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling 

lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes 

pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, 

Princess Fiona!

-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or 

bachelorette number three?

-Two! Two!

-Three! Three!

-Two! Two!

-Three! 

-Three? One?

{Shudders} Three?

--Three! Pick number three, my lord!

-Okay, okay, uh, number three!

-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.



If you like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain



-Princess Fiona.



If you're not into yoga



-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - 

-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.

-I'll do it.

-Yes, but after sunset - -

-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will 

finally have the perfect king!

Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.



-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd 

find it.

-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.

-Uh-huh. That's the place.

-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?

{Laughs}

{Groans}

-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.

-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.

-Hey, you!

{Screams}

-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -

{Whimpering}

{Sighs}

{Whimpering, Groans}

{Turnstile clatters}

{Chuckles}

{Sighs}

-It's quiet. Too quiet.

{Creaking}

-Where is everybody?

-Hey, look at this!

{Clattering, whirring, clicking}

Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town

Here we have some rules

Let us lay them down

Don't make waves, stay in line

And we'll get along fine

DuLoc is perfect place

Please keep off of the grass

Shine your shoes, wipe your... face

DuLoc is, DuLoc is

DuLoc is perfect ...... place

{Camera shutter clicks

{Whirring}

-Wow! Let's do that again!

-No. No. No, no, no! No.

{Trumpet fanfare}

{Crowd cheering}

-Brave knights.

-You are the best and brightest in all the land.

-Today one of you shall prove himself - -

-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

-Sorry about that.

{Cheering}

-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go 

forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the 

dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first 

runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae 

die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.

{Cheering}

-Let the tournament begin!

{Gasps}

-Oh!

-What is that?

{Gasping}

-It's hideous!

-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.

-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named 

champion! Have it him!

-Get him!

-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.

-Go ahead! Get him!

-Can't we just settle this over a pint?

-Kill the beast!

-No? All right then. Come on!



I don't give a damn about my reputation

You're living in the past 

It's a new generation



-Damn!

{Whinnying}



A girl can do what she wants to do

And that's what I'm gonna do

And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me

Me, me, me



-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!



And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Never said I wanted to improve my station



-Ah!

{Laughs}



And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun



-Yeah!



And I don't have to please no one



-The chair! Give him the chair!



And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me

Me, me, me

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me

{Bell dings}

{Cheering}

{Laughs}

-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till 

Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!

{Shrek laughs}

{Crowd gasping, murmuring}

-Shall I give the order, sir?

-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!

-What?

-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great 

and noble quest.

-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.

-Your swamp?

-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!

{Crowd murmuring}

-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for 

me, and I'll give you your swamp back.

-Exactly the way it was?

-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.

-And the squatters?

-As good as gone.

-What kind of quest?

-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a 

princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only 

don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.

-Is that about right?

-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.

-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on 

him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make 

your bread, the whole orge trip.

-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and 

put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and 

drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?

-Uh, no, not really, no.

-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.

-Example?

-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.

-{Sniffs} They stink?

-Yes - - No!

-They make you cry?

-No!

-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little 

white hairs.

-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have 

layers. You get it? We both have layers. 

{Sighs}

-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes 

onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.

-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.

-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a 

person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like 

no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.

-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like 

onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.

-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.

-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or 

something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start 

slobbering.



I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today

Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

And everything that you receive up yonder

Is what you give to me the day I wander

I'm on my way 

I'm on my way 

I'm on my way 



-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?

-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was 

open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's 

brimstone We must be getting close.

-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I 

know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone 

neither.

{Rumbling}

-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.

{Laughing}

-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?

-Oh, aye.

-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have 

layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.

-Wait a second.  Donkeys don't have sleeves.

-You know what I mean.

-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.

-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over 

a boiling like of lava!

-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional 

support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step 

at a time.

-Really?

-Really, really.

-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.

-Just keep moving. And don't look  down.

-Okay, don't look  down. Don't look  down. Don't look  down. Keep on 

moving. Don't look  down.

{Gasps}

-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, 

please! 

-But you're already halfway.

-But I know that half is safe!

-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.

-Shrek, no! Wait!

-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?

-Don't do that!

-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?

-Oh, this?

-Yes, that!

-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.

{Screams}

-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!

-You said do it! I'm doin' it.

-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!

-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

-Cool.

-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?

-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.

{Chuckles}

-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

{Water dripping, wind howling}

-You afraid?

-No.

-But - -

- Shh.

-Oh, good. Me neither.

{Gasps}

-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible 

response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I 

might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and 

breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little 

scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.

{Gasps}

-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if 

you can find any stairs.

-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.

-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest 

tower.

-What makes you think she'll be there?

-I read it in a book once.

-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those 

stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way 

they're goin'.

{Creacing}

-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with 

me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a 

step right here. I'd step all over it.

-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - 

-Dragon!

{Screams}

{Gasps}

{Roars}

-Donkey, look out!

{Screams}

{Whimpering}

-Got ya!

{Roars}

{Gasps}

{Shouts}

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

{Screaming}

{Gasps}

-Oh! Aah! Aah!

{Gasping}

{Crowls}

-No. Oh, no, No!

{Screams}

-Oh, what large teeth you have.

{Crowls}

-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time 

from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile 

you got  there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know 

what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of 

course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. 

What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. 

Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - 

(Coughs)

-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna 

blow smoke rings. Shrek!

{Gasps}

{Whimpering}

-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

{Groans, Sighs}

{Vocalizing}

-Oh! Oh!

-Wake up!

-What?

-Are you Princess Fiona?

-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.

-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!

-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be 

a wonderful, romantic moment?

-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.

-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out 

yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.

-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?

-Mm-hmm.

{Screams, grunts}

-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for 

me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!

-I don't think so.

-Can I at least know the name of my champion?

-Um, Shrek.

-Sir Shrek.

{Cleans throat}

-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.

-Thanks!

{Roaring}

-You didn't slay the dragon?

-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!

{Screams}

-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, 

banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.

-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.

-That's not the point. Oh!

-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.

-Well, I have to save my ass.

-What kind of knight are you?

-One of a kind.

-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to 

know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. 

{Laughs}

-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not 

emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - -  Magnitude really 

is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted 

physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back 

up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to 

know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, 

but I just love receiving cards - -  I'd really love to stay, but - - 

Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna 

tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with 

that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!

{Growls}

{Roaring}

{Gasps}

-Hi, Princess!

-It talks!

-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.

{Screams}

{Screaming}

-Oh!

{Thuds}

{Groans}

{Roars}

{Roaring}

-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.

{Fchoing}

-Run!

{Gasping}

{Screaming}

{Roaring}

{Screams}

{Roars}

{Panting, sighs}

{Whimpers}

{Roars}

-You did it!

-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. 

You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and 

thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. 

{Clears throat}

-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?

-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a 

steed.

-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.

-Uh, no.

-Why not?

-I have helmet hair.

-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.

-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.

-But how will you kiss me?

-What? That wasn't in the job description.

-Maybe it's a perk.

-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in 

a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then 

they share true love's first kiss.

-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you 

true love?

-Well, yes.

{Laughing}

-You think Shrek is your true love!

-What is so funny?

-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?

-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your 

helmet.

-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.

-Just take off the helmet.

-I'm not going to.

-Take ot off.

-No!

-Now!

-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.

-You- - You're a- - an orge.

-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.

-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed 

to be an orge.

{Sighs}

-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the 

one who wants to marry you.

-Then why didn't he come rescue me?

-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.

-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - 

his pet.

-So much for noble steed.

-You're not making my job any easier.

-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad 

that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right 

here.

-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.

-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!

-Ya comin', Donkey?

-I'm right behind ya.

-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not 

dignified! Put me down!

-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, 

right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down 

real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a 

crisp and eaten?

-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what 

happens when you find your - -  Hey!

{Sighs}

-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.

-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!

-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?

-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in 

short supply.

{Laughs}

-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.

-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never 

measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the 

"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.

-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?

-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.

-But there's robbers in the woods.

-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.

-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this 

forest.

-I need to find somewhere to camp now!

{Birds wings fluttering}

{Grunting}

-Hey! Over here.

-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a 

princess.

-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.

-Homey touches? Like what?

{Crashing}

-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.

-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.

-I said good night!

-Shrek, What are you doing?

{Laughs}

-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.

{Fire cracking}

-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over 

three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.

-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?

-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, 

there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.

-I know you're making this up.

-No, look. There he is,  and there's the group of hunters running away 

from his stench.

-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.

-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? 

Forget it.

{Sighs}

-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?

-Our swamp?

-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.

-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my 

swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my 

land.

-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what 

I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody 

out.

-No, do ya think?

-Are you hidin' something?

-Never mind, Donkey.

-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?

-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.

-Why don't you want to talk about it?

-Why do you want to talk about it?

-Why are you blocking?

-I'm not blocking.

-Oh, yes, you are.

-Donkey, I'm warning you.

-Who you trying to keep out?

-Everyone! Okay?

-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.

-Oh! For the love of Pete!

-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?

-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that 

seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. 

"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they 

even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.

-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, 

stupid, ugly orge.

-Yeah, I know.

-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?

-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.

-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one 

there?

-That's the moon.

-Oh, okay.



{Orchestra}

{Dulcimer}

-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the 

princess.

-Hmph.

-Ah. Perfect.

{Inhales}



{Snoring}

{Vocalizing}

{Whistling}

{Sizzling}

{Sniffs, yawns}

-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.

--Come on, baby. I said I like it.

-Donkey, wake up.

-Huh? What?

-Wake up.

-What?

-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?

-Good morning, Princess!

-What's all this about?

-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to 

make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.

-Uh, thanks.

{Sniffs}

-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.

{Belches}

-Shrek!

-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}

-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.

{Belches}

-Thanks.

-She's as nasty as you are.

-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.

-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.

{Vocalizing}



-La liberte! Hey!

-Princess!

{Laughs}

-What are you doing?

-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from 

this green - -

{Kissing sounds}

-beast.

-Hey!

-That's my princess! Go find you own!

-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?

-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!

-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry 

Men. 

{Laughs}



{Accordion}

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

I steal from the rich and give to the needy.

He takes a wee percentage, 

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels

Man, I'm good

What a guy, Monsieur Hood

Break it down

I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid

What he's basically saying

is he likes to get - - 

Paid

So

When an orge in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush

That's bad

That's bad

When a beauty's with a beast

it makes me awfully mad

He's mad

He's really, really mad

I'll take my blade and

ram it through your heart

Keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start



{Grunts, Groans}

{Karate Yell}

{Merry Men Gasping}

{Panting}

-Man, that was annoying!

-Oh, you little- - 

{Karate Yell}

{Accordion}

{Shouting, groaning}

{Chuckles}

-Uh, shall we?

-Hold the phone.

{Grunts}

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?

-What?

-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?

-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these 

things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!

-What? Oh, would you look at that?

-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

-Why? What's wrong?

-Shrek's hurt.

-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.

-Donkey, I'm okay.

-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep 

you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the 

Heimlich?

-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and 

find me a blue flower with red thorns.

-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. 

Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!

-{Both} Donkey!

-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.

-What are the flowers for?

-For getting rid of Donkey.

-Ah.

-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.

-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.

-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.

-No, it's tender.

-Now, hold on.

-What you're doing is the opposite of help.

-Don't move.

-Look, time out.

-Would you - - 

{Grunts}

-Okay. What do you propose we do?

-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red 

thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue 

flower, red thorns.

-Ow!

-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!

-Ow! Not good.

-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.

{Grunts}

-It's just about - - 

-Ow! Ohh!

-Ahem.

-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - 

-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?

-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was 

just- - Ugh! 

-Ow!

-Hey, what's that?

{Nervous chickle}

-That's- - Is that blood?

{Sighs}

{Bird chirping}

{Grunts}



My beloved monster and me

We go everywhere together

Wearin' a raincoat

that has four sleeves

Gets us through all kinds of weather



-Aah!



She will always be the only thing

That comes between me and the awful sting

That comes from living in a world

that's so damn mean

{Croaks}

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

-Hey!

La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la

{Both laughing}

La-la, la-la, la-la



-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.

-That's DuLoc?

-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for 

something,  which I think means he has a really - - Ow!

-Um, I, uh- -  I guess we better move on.

-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.

{Blubbering}

-What?

-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. 

-What are you talking about? I'm fine.

-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on 

your back. Dead.

-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?

-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.

-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and 

when I turn my head like this, look, 

{Bones crunch}

-Ow! See?

-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.

-I'll get the firewood.

-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any 

toes! I think I need a hug.



-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?

-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.

-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I 

make a mean weedrat stew.

{Chuckling}

{Sighs}

-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

{Gulps}

-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind 

of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.

{Chuckles}

-I'd like that.

{Slurps, laughs}



See the pyramids along the Nile



-Um, Princess?



Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle



-Yes, Shrek?

-I, um, I was wondering.



Just remember, darling all the while



-Are you- - 



You belong to me



{Sighs} 

-Are you gonna eat that?

{Chuckles}

-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

-Sunset?

-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.

boss baby script or the holy bible

2018-02-05 15:54:19 UTC

1
Survival of the fittest.
It's the law of the jungle.
There's always someone trying
to take what's yours.
How do I know?
It almost happened to me.
Tim Templeton...
quit monkeying around.
Hot dogs are getting cold.
Hot dogs?
At least, this is how I remember it.
All right, buddy, let's eat.
You see, I was seven years old...
and back then,
you relied on your imagination.
When I wasn't exploring the Congo...
I was a deep sea diver.
Tim!
Our hero!
Don't worry, Mom and Dad.
I got this!
Grab on!
Some days, I rescued my parents.
That way!
Other days, they rescued me.
- I'm losing control.
- Tim, look out!
Tree!
You're breaking up!
Slow down, Tim!
- Turn, Tim.
- Turn!
- Are you hurt?
- I'm okay.
Show Mommy your teeth.
It was just the three of us.
The Templetons.
And three is the perfect number.
Interesting fact...
did you know that the triangle
is the strongest shape found in nature?
I was the luckiest kid ever.
My parents even had cool jobs.
They worked for the biggest pet company
in the world...
Puppy Co.
- Yes, Mr. Francis?
- Puppy Co needs you.
It's go time.
They worked in a department
called "Marketing..."
where they got to launch new products.
Even though my parents worked really hard...
they still made just enough time for me.
Three stories, five hugs,
and my special song, right?
You got it!
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
Hey, Tim. How would you like
to have a baby brother?
No, thanks. I'm enough.
Life was good. Life was perfect.
But as I drifted off to sleep...
something my parents said got me thinking.
Where do babies come from?
The day I got a little brother
started like any other day...
but little did I know...
my life would never be the same.
Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.
Wake up, little halflings!
Morning, Wizzie!
What great adventure
lies in wait for you today?
Oh, yeah!
My parents always said
that I had an overactive imagination.
But I clearly remember...
the baby was delivered in a taxi.
What the...
Hey!
Tim, look who's here.
Meet your new baby brother.
Baby what?
Brother.
I had a million questions.
Who is this guy? Why is he here?
What's with that outfit?
Why's he so fat? Why's he staring at me?
Does he know karate? What's going on?
That way?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Right from the start,
he was yelling at people...
ordering everyone around.
Oh, you want this?
One thing was clear. He was the boss.
He set up his office, right
smack dab in the middle of the house.
He conducted meetings.
- You called?
- Do you need Seor Squeaky?
Lots and lots of meetings.
Even in the middle of the night.
I'm up! I'm up!
- We're coming!
- We'll be right there!
If things weren't done
to his immediate satisfaction...
he had a fit.
- Where's the bottle?
- He has to have his bottle!
He had everyone wrapped around
his chubby little finger.
Everyone except for me.
- Diaper!
- Bottle!
Dad! I can't sleep.
I know, bud. Me neither.
The baby needs a lot of attention right now.
Okay, good talk!
- But...
- It's okay.
Daddy's here. Daddy's here.
What about me?
The year: 2057.
Ensign T-Rex and I are investigating
a hostile alien invasion.
It's so much worse than we thought.
Mom, he's naked!
I'm naked!
Say "naked."
No!
Who's Mommy's little cutie?
Are you Mommy's little cutie?
No, he's Daddy's little tough guy, right?
You know one of us has to go
with Mr. Francis to the pet convention.
In Vegas.
- You know what? You should go.
- No, no. You should go.
Well, you need a break.
- I'll stay with the baby, and you...
- Maybe the baby should decide.
Who do you want to stay with you?
Daddy or Mommy?
Or Daddy?
He wants his mommy.
Okay, we need to talk!
In private.
- Sure.
- About what, bud?
About the b-a-b-e-e.
"Y," Tim.
Why? Because he came out of nowhere!
We don't even know him.
How can we trust him?
Come on, he's just a baby.
Seriously? I'm the only one that thinks
there's something weird about this guy?
- Oopsie! I got it.
- Five-second rule.
Tim?
Look at him! He wears a suit!
I know. Isn't it cute?
He's like a little man.
He carries a briefcase.
Does no else think that's...
I don't know, a little freaky?
Well, you carried Lam-Lam around
until you were like...
This is not about Lam-Lam.
All babies are different, Tim.
And each one is special.
He's taking over the whole house!
Are you taking over the house?
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
Trust me, one day you're gonna
get to know this little guy...
and you are gonna love him
with all of your heart.
Just like we do.
All of your heart?
Never.
Hello!
It's time for my three stories,
five hugs, and special song!
How about one story...
three hugs, and my special song?
Just my special song?
Mom?
Dad?
Hey.
What happened to bedtime?
We'll have it on Monday, Mr. Francis.
Don't cry! Don't cry.
Hello?
Hello? No, ma'am, not yet.
No, I'm not making excuses.
Yes, ma'am,
I know I've been here a long time.
Believe me, it feels like my whole life.
I'm making great progress
with the parents already.
The usual procedure,
sleep deprivation, hunger strikes.
They're very disoriented.
I've got them
eating out of the palm of my hand.
They do everything for me.
It's hilarious.
But I think the kid might be on to me.
No, I can handle him.
I know how important this mission is
to the company.
Mission?
Well, trust me, ma'am.
You got the right baby for this job.
Hands up, devil baby!
Fart! Poop! Doodie!
I've gotta deal with the k-i-d.
You can talk!
Uh, goo-goo Ga-ga.
No, you can really talk. I heard you!
Fine. I can talk.
Now, let's see if you can listen.
Get me a double espresso...
and see if there's someplace around here
with decent sushi.
I'd kill for a spicy tuna roll
right about now.
Get yourself a little something.
Who are you?
Let's just say I'm the boss.
The boss? You're a baby! You wear a diaper.
You know who else wears diapers?
Astronauts and NASCAR drivers, that's who.
It's called efficiency, Templeton.
The average toddler spends, what?
45 hours a year on the potty?
I'm the boss.
I don't have that kind of spare time.
Well, you're not the boss of me.
- I am the boss of you.
- No, you're not.
- Am, too.
- Are not.
- Am, too!
- Are not!
- Am, too.
- Are not!
- Am, too.
- Are not!
Am, too. Am, too.
I was here first.
Just wait until Mom and Dad find out
about this.
Oh, yeah? You think they'd pick you over me?
With your track record?
You don't know anything about me.
So that's how you wanna play it, huh?
Let's see.
Templeton, Timothy. Middle name....
I'm sorry.
Leslie!
- Mostly C's...
- How do you know all that?
Can't ride a bike without training wheels?
Even bears can ride a bike
without training wheels, Leslie.
DOB says you're seven.
Seven and a half.
Power nap! You were saying?
I'm seven and a half.
Exactly! You're old.
It's time to make way
for the next generation.
It's the way of the world.
You would never ask your parents
for an old toy.
Lam-Lam?
Everyone wants the hot, new thing.
Destroy. Destroy.
- Lam-Lam!
- I've got fresh batteries.
Boom!
Mom and Dad don't even know you.
They love me!
Oh, yeah? Do the math, kid.
There's only so much love to go around.
It's like these beads.
You used to have all your parents' love.
All their time. All their attention.
You had all the beads.
But then I came along.
Babies take up a lot of time.
They need a lot of attention.
They get all the love.
We could share.
You obviously didn't go to business school.
Look, Templeton,
the numbers just don't add up.
There's not enough love for the two of us.
Not enough beads to go around.
And then, all of a sudden,
there's no place for Tim.
Tim doesn't fit anymore.
Oh, no! What about Tim?
So keep quiet. Stay out of my way.
Or there's gonna be cutbacks.
You can't be fired from your own family.
Can you?
Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.
Wake up, little half...
What's the use?
Arise for a nutritious breakfast!
It's 7:00 a.m.
What's wrong, Timothy?
Has that little dwarf made you blue?
Mm-hmm.
Then I shall cast upon him a great curse!
He shall not pass!
It's no use, Wizzie.
He's got Mom and Dad completely fooled.
If they knew what I knew,
they'd never let him stay.
Perhaps your parents need to be enlightened.
With a great curse!
They shall not pass!
Yeah. I need to enlighten them...
with proof!
That's what I need, proof!
Expose his dark magic!
Testing, testing.
Testing, testing.
Maybe they can return him to the store...
and get their money back!
We could buy a bouncy house!
Godspeed, Tim! It's 8:45 a.m.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Ninja.
Babies everywhere! They're spreading.
Mom! Dad! What's going on?
It's an invasion!
It's a play date!
That's a keeper.
It's a meeting, and you won't be attending.
We'll see about that.
Thank you all for coming here
on such short notice.
Now, before we begin...
Yes, sir!
- Sure is!
- Affirmative!
Jimbo, run some interference.
Hey!
- We babies are having a crisis!
- Oh, no!
- That's awful!
- Horrible!
What is it?
It's simpler if I just show you.
Teddy, if you please.
Let's put on a show.
Here we go!
Jimbo, hit the lights.
You see, babies aren't getting
as much love as we used to.
Why? Have we been bad?
No, Staci.
But I'll tell you who is.
Behold our mortal enemy. Puppies!
No! That's exactly the problem.
Puppies? What's the deal with puppies?
Throughout history...
people have loved babies
more than anything in the world.
We've always been a must-have item...
number one on every wish list.
Puppies were merely accessories.
But all that changed
when the puppies began coming out...
with new designer models.
Each one more adorable than the last.
Remember the Labradoodle?
The Peekapoo?
The Chiweenie?
Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling.
Not possible. Don't waste your time.
We all laughed at the Shar Pei.
And now it's number one in China.
- Oh, no.
- That's terrible!
- Horrible!
- Yes.
And it gets even worse.
Francis Francis, the CEO of Puppy Co,
made this announcement.
Teddy, roll the clip.
And we are on schedule...
to release the most adorable puppy ever.
We're gonna launch it
at the pet convention in Las Vegas!
Watch out, world!
It's gonna crush the competition!
- Yay!
- No, Jimbo.
No "Yay"! We are the competition!
This is war.
Puppies are winning, and babies are losing.
Thank you, Teddy.
And if this new puppy
is as cute as we fear...
it could put the baby business
out of business, baby.
That's awful!
Bad news, baby!
What are we going to do?
My job is to find out exactly what
that new puppy is...
so that Baby Corp can stop it.
And you're going to help me.
- Genius!
- Home run!
You still got it, boss!
Yay!
Yay.
Now, your parents all work for Puppy Co.
So have you learned anything from them?
- Yes, sir!
- Sure did!
Fantastic. Triplets, go!
- A.
- B.
- C.
- D.
No, what have you learned
about the new puppy?
Yay, puppy!
No, Jimbo! Puppies are evil.
Staci, read back the notes.
I can't read. What's it say?
This is my team?
A muscle-head, a bunch of yes men,
and a doodler?
- Exactly!
- Affirmative!
Good call.
- Oh, yeah!
- Nice one, BB!
Gotcha!
Put that cookie down.
Cookies are for closers.
- Let's have another show!
- No, Teddy!
- How about a hug?
- No more shows!
Boss?
- There's plenty of love to go around.
- Go to sleep!
Nighty-night.
- Boss!
- Boss!
- What?
- Parents!
It's like they're having their own
little meeting.
- Isn't that adorable?
- Who wants dessert?
God, this is so humiliating.
God, this is so humiliating.
Wait until Mom and Dad hear this.
Hey, Templeton, what you got there?
Nothing.
Hand over the tape.
Never!
Mom! Dad! Over here!
- Hi, Timmy!
- Hi! Anyway...
Flower power!
You can't get away from Johnny Law,
simpleton.
Fasten your seat belt. Let's go!
Run, run, run.
What? Hey!
Uh-oh.
Run, run, run.
Catch, catch, catch.
Yes!
Oh, yeah!
Let go, you little...
Oh, look! The kids are finally getting along.
That's nice.
Sayonara!
You wanna play?
Let's play.
No!
Save Boss! Save Boss!
- Get him!
- I got him!
- I got him!
- I got him!
You're toast, baby man!
Upsies, I need upsies!
Who wants...
Cheese sticks!
Mom, Dad! I've got proof!
Someone can't go down the stairs?
Nothing can stop me!
Mom! Dad! Where are you guys?
Hello?
Where did everyone go?
Mom, Dad! The baby can talk!
Oh, can he now?
Wait, how did you...
Hand over the tape, Timmy.
Or Lam-Lam gets it, see?
No!
What's that, Lam-Lam? You want a nose ring?
It's really not my scene,
but who am I to judge?
And an eyebrow ring?
Seems like a little too much, Lam-Lam.
How's that gonna look in a job interview?
Stop it!
The tape, Timmy! Or I'm gonna rip, rip, rip.
No! Let go!
- You let go!
- You let go!
- Give me the tape!
- Give me Lam-Lam!
Whoops! Too far.
Templeton! Templeton, let's be reasonable.
We can be reasonable, right?
What are you doing?
You've been asking for this
since you got here!
We can talk about this over a juice box!
Time for juice boxes is over.
No, Templeton. You wouldn't.
Say bye-bye, baby! You're fired!
What are you doing?
Nothing.
My proof!
Tim! Explain yourself!
Yes, explain yourself.
It wasn't me! It was the baby's fault.
The baby's fault?
It's true! He can talk.
They all can talk.
They were having a meeting.
There's something about puppies.
It's one big baby con-spy-racy!
Timothy Leslie Templeton!
We are very disappointed in you.
- No, we're mad at you!
- Exactly, we're mad at you.
- Mad?
- You need a time-out!
- You're grounded!
- Yes, grounded!
- For two...
- Three!
- Three days?
- Weeks!
Weeks! Three weeks!
For three... evers!
Grounded?
You're gonna stay in this house
with your baby brother...
until you learn to get along.
Great.
It was my first time behind bars.
The big house.
The lock-up.
Grounded for life.
The minutes turned into hours,
the hours into days.
Every man has his breaking point.
This was mine.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
- Take these broken wings and learn to fly
- Hey, that's my song.
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
It's okay, little halfling.
Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night!
Pray, take these broken wings
and learn to fly!
Fly, you fools!
Thanks, Wizzie.
But it's not the same.
If only I could reach my magical shank.
I could break us out of this big house.
Templeton!
Templeton, we have to talk.
Go away.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Stop it!
That's my song, not yours.
My parents wrote it just for me.
Really?
Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?
No, Ted and Janice.
You don't even know their names!
You're just trying to steal them from me.
You stole everything!
You're the one who should be in jail!
Look, it's time we put our differences aside.
Have you been...
No!
Where's HR when you need them?
Take it.
I don't want your filthy money.
Look, I told you to stay out of my way.
I can't! You're in my house.
I don't wanna be here...
any more than you want me to be here.
Then why are you torturing me?
The truth is I'm no ordinary baby.
Well, no kidding.
I'm on a mission from above.
Are you the Baby Jesus?
Yes. I'm the Baby Jesus.
No!
You see, I'm more middle management
for the company.
The company? What company?
Here.
Take this. It'll explain everything.
What do you want me to do with that?
- I want you to suck it.
- You suck it!
No, it's for you to suck.
I'm not sucking that!
- Suck it.
- I don't know where it's been!
It's not where it's been.
It's where it will take you.
Don't you wanna know...
where babies really come from?
Binky. Papish. Nuk-Nuk.
Boo-Boo. Bo-Bo. Bah-Bah.
Chupie. Hushie-Baby. Tootsie.
It goes by many names.
But through its power,
you will know the truth.
Come on, faster!
Mommy!
Where are we?
Welcome to Baby Corp!
No way.
- Thank you.
- What?
Relax. They can't see us or hear us.
- We're, like, virtual and stuff?
- Yep.
- You mean they won't feel this?
- Nope.
- Or this?
- Nada.
Karate!
Don't embarrass yourself, Templeton.
I can still see you.
So this is where babies come from?
Where'd you think, the cabbage patch?
Magic fairies?
No, my parents told me that...
What?
No. That's disgusting.
Yeah, it didn't sound right to me, either.
I can't believe
my parents didn't tell me about this.
If people knew where babies really came from,
they'd never have one.
Same thing with hot dogs, by the way.
Going upsies!
So how come I don't remember this place?
You did.
But after normal babies
get their pacifiers taken away...
you forget all about Baby Corp.
How come you're not normal?
A few of us, the best of the best...
are selected for the...
For the ultimate honor.
Upper management.
This, Templeton, is where all the action is.
Nap time in Sector G.
So this whole place is run by babies?
Yep.
My Dad says, "Those who can, do."
"And those who can't, supervise."
Your father is a hippy.
What happens when you grow up?
We don't.
We drink a super-secret baby formula
that keeps us babies forever.
Back to work! Formula break is over!
We're in a crisis here!
Don't you know we're in a crisis here?
Who is that?
That is my boss. Big Boss Baby.
What is she screaming about?
Well, see this pie chart?
Wow, it looks like a giant pie.
It represents all the love there is
in the world.
- I love pie.
- Who doesn't?
- Apple.
- Fine.
- No, cherry!
- Perfect!
- Not pumpkin.
- Okay.
That's a vegetable.
Point is, the puppies' slice
is getting bigger and bigger.
They're stealing all our love!
Just like you did to me.
Exactly.
And if this keeps up...
there might not be enough pie left
for babies.
No pie?
No pie.
So, my mission is to find out
what this new puppy is.
So you're, like, on a spy mission? Cool!
Yes! Cool! And if... When I succeed...
I'll become a Baby Corp legend.
Like Super Big Boss Baby, Mega Boss Baby...
Seriously Big Boss Baby...
and him.
Now that's a big, fat baby.
No, that's Big Fat Boss Baby.
This is Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby.
He was the youngest Chief Executive Infant
in the history of the company.
Was? What happened to him?
Retired, years ago.
But I still try and live up to his legend.
In every situation, I ask myself...
"W-W-S-C-B-F-B-B-D?
"What Would Super Colossal
Big Fat Boss Baby Do?"
So that's all you get?
Your picture on the wall?
Come here!
I'll get a promotion.
The corner office...
with my own private potty.
Wow.
So when you're done, you're coming back here?
A-S-A-P, T-i-m.
I'm not a family man. I belong behind a desk.
- That's awesome!
- I know, right?
- Pew pew.
- What?
So help me,
I will nail his diaper to the wall!
Have we heard anything
from that little Boss Baby...
that we sent down to the Templetons?
- I don't know.
- You're fired!
Oh, no.
You're all fired!
The pet convention is in two days.
If he doesn't come up with answers...
he is fired, retired!
- Gone!
- Tour's over.
What was Big Bossy Baby Lady screaming about?
She's demanding actual results.
The pet convention is in two days,
and I've got nothing!
That's her! Don't answer it!
Stress nap!
If I don't find out
what that new puppy is and fast...
not only will I not get that promotion...
I could get fired!
Hey, relax.
I'm sure there's other cool jobs
for babies, right?
Meanwhile, two days goes by like that.
You better start packing.
What?
You don't get it, Templeton.
If I'm fired, they'll take away my formula.
I will turn into a normal baby...
and live here forever with you.
- No!
- Yes!
And I promise you this...
Every morning you wake up...
I'll be there.
Every night, at dinner...
I'll be there.
Every birthday party...
I'll be there.
Every Christmas!
I'll be there
Year after year after year.
We will grow old together.
You and I...
will be brothers.
Always.
- No. No, this is terrible!
- I know.
- This can't be happening.
- But it is!
- You can't stay here!
- I can't!
- Don't panic!
- But it feels right!
I know, but we have to fix this.
We have to make sure you don't get fired.
We?
We.
I will help you...
but just to get rid of you.
Deal?
Deal.
Here's to never seeing you again.
Back at ya, baby.
Now let's get to work.
Come on, come on, come on.
Slice!
No, no.
There's nothing here about a new puppy.
Aren't you gonna do any work?
I'm very busy delegating.
He drains it!
So once we find the file on the new puppy...
what do we do then?
Send in the baby ninjas?
Even better.
I'm going to write the perfect memo.
- Boom!
- Boom!
Wait. What's a memo?
A memo is something you write
to give people information.
That's your plan?
You're gonna write a book report?
That's so boring.
No, Templeton.
Memos are for important things.
A memo can bring people together.
A memo can be a call to arms...
a manifesto, a poem.
A memo can change the world.
Wow! When you explain it like that...
it still sounds boring.
You'll learn, kid.
You'll learn.
Wait a second. This is it!
What? What is it?
Check this out. Take Your Kid to Work Day.
People take children
to a place of business? Why?
Because it's awesome!
It's disgusting.
Don't you see? We can get inside Puppy Co...
and find out what the new puppy is!
What's the point?
You're grounded.
Your parents aren't
going to take us anywhere.
You're right. They think we hate each other.
Hate is a strong word.
It's the right word, but still.
We have to convince them
that we're actual brothers.
Right.
That we...
Loathe?
No.
Like!
No. That we...
La, la, la...
Le, Le, Le...
No.
No way. No. You don't mean...
Love each other.
I just threw up a noodle and swallowed it.
- Here comes the choo-choo train!
- No.
- Choo, choo, chugga, chugga.
- No choo-choo!
Hold the train! No!
It looks like it's already been eaten!
Who's there? I got a racket!
What's going on in here?
I'm just feeding the baby.
They're watching.
Choo-choo.
Okay.
Choo-choo on that.
I don't wear nautical. It's not even Friday!
Come on, you're putting this thing on!
You gonna make me? You can't make me, punk.
- What have you done to me?
- Stop!
- Get back here!
- No!
No way.
Come on!
Tim, what are you doing in here?
Oh, no.
Hey, what's all the racket?
Isn't he adorable?
I've got one for you, too! Ahoy, matey!
What?
Bummer.
Smile!
Smile for the camera.
It makes me feel weak.
- Who's ticklish?
- It doesn't work on me.
- Here?
- I'm dead down there.
Come on, everyone has a tickle spot.
"'I don't think I'll fit,' said Gretel."
Come here, look at this.
"'I could get in myself.'
"And then, Hansel and Gretel...
"pushed the wicked old woman into the oven.
"And the godless witch
was miserably burnt to death."
Let me get this straight.
The story is about cannibalism
and burning people alive.
Yeah.
No wonder kids are so messed up!
Getting along is exhausting.
Back at ya, Tim.
You should have seen your face
in that picture.
You were all...
I'm not used to being tickled.
Once at a corporate retreat.
But those things always get weird.
What? You've never been tickled?
What about your parents?
I'm sorry. I forgot.
You didn't have parents, did you?
Tim, I may look like a baby...
but I was born all grown up.
I can't even imagine not being a kid.
You missed out on your whole childhood?
You never had someone to love you?
You can't miss what you never had.
Wake up, little halflings!
Hey, Tim. Wake up, buddy.
- What?
- Rise and shine!
Is something wrong? Am I fired?
No, you're late for work.
What?
It's Take Your Kid to Work Day!
And you're the kid.
You're officially un-grounded.
- Really?
- Really.
Can the baby come, too?
I don't see why not.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Yeah!
I wish I was that excited for work.
Look, it's my spatula.
Yeah, baby.
All right, gentlemen. Welcome to Puppy Co.
Wow! This is awesome!
And Tim, look!
They have a puppy pool and everything!
Isn't that sanitary?
Hey, bud, you wanna get a picture
with Puppy Co Pete?
No, thanks.
It's probably too scary for the baby.
Nice call.
Your dad and I have some work to do.
You wanna come up to the office
and hang out with us?
We'll stick your brother in the Puppy Zone...
while we have a little Tim time.
Tim time?
Dad and I know we haven't been able
to do as much with you as we used to.
So, what do you say?
No, thanks.
I'd rather spend time with the baby.
- So cute.
- That's so sweet.
Way to keep your eyes on the prize,
Templeton.
We find out what the new puppy is,
and I go home.
You guys stay in the Puppy Zone, okay?
Okay, bye!
That's where we'll find
the secret file on the new puppy.
We'll never get through that door.
No, not that door.
The doggy door.
But how do we get past the guard?
No, no, no. No way.
No!
Itchy, plushy, puppy pants!
What a cute, little pup...
Ow!
Yay!
Kids.
Get down.
All the way down.
I've never been so humiliated in all my life.
Arf!
Hey!
Fetch!
What am I doing?
Oh, no!
Yes!
What a good boy.
No. No biting.
Timothy Templeton, office ninja.
- Over here.
- What is it?
It's gotta be in here.
It's begging us to go in.
Wow.
That's a lot of paperwork.
I thought puppies shredded everything.
This is getting creepy.
I've come for your soul.
Cut it out!
Wait!
That's it!
The file!
See! I was right.
No. I've seen this before somewhere.
We've gotta find something
to replace it with.
You're right. Like another file.
Yes! A file with the same weight.
So it can be placed
in the exact same position.
- With the exact same weight.
- You already said that.
I know I said it. Hey, you hit me twice.
Make it a third time. Wait!
I think I've seen one here.
Smead manila, pressboard edges.
About 50 ounces. No, 49.
Try this one.
Wait!
Now it's perfect.
Yes!
I feel like we should run.
I know, but it's just so mesmerizing.
I kind of wanna see how it ends.
Yeah, me too.
Well, that didn't end well.
What?
What the...?
Thanks for dropping in, kids.
Francis Francis?
I see you've met my big brother, Eugene.
A man of few words.
None, in fact.
Can you put your head back on, please?
What is all this?
Surprise!
A Baby Corp binky? Where did you get that?
You don't recognize me?
Perhaps from my youth!
Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby?
He is him? And him is you?
Except older and wrinklier.
That's not right.
No. You were my hero!
How did you end up here?
You know what I do to little kids
who ask lots of questions about me?
Eugene!
I read them my story.
And, I baked cookies!
Eugene, my chair.
Now, it all started at Baby Corp...
a long, long time ago.
I was a hotshot executive...
headed straight to the top.
Everyone loved me.
They gave me a promotion,
the corner office...
my very own...
Personal potty?
I had it all.
But then one day...
I made a terrible discovery.
I was getting old.
The formula wasn't working anymore.
It turns out I was lactose intolerant.
- No!
- Yes!
I got called in
to see the board of directors.
Who are the boring directors?
The biggest baby bosses of them all.
I thought they loved me.
But they replaced me with someone new.
Someone younger.
That's horrible.
All of a sudden, she got all the love...
all the attention.
You know how that feels, don't you, Tim?
It hurts, doesn't it?
Yeah. It does.
And then what happened?
Well...
They fired me!
And took away my special formula.
Then they sent me down to live with a...
- family!
- Oh, Francis, no!
Baby Corp betrayed me!
And I'm finally going to get revenge...
with the Forever Puppy.
- Huh?
- That's it?
No, no.
Imagine a puppy that never grows up.
A puppy that stays a puppy forever.
Once I launch my Forever Puppies
to every corner of the world...
they'll be so adorable...
How cute!
...no one will ever want a baby
ever, ever again.
The end of Baby Corp!
Please.
A puppy that never grows up?
That's impossible!
Isn't it?
It was, until you brought me
the key ingredient.
My secret formula.
It's mine! It's mine!
It's all mine.
No!
You brought me the very thing I needed
to destroy Baby Corp.
- No!
- Yes!
You walked right into my trap!
- You'll never get away with this!
- Yeah, not if we...
What? Tell?
Who are you gonna tell, Tim? Your parents?
Where are the boys?
I told them to stay in the Puppy Zone.
I'm taking them both with me to Las Vegas.
So stay out of my way.
I'd hate for them to get terminated.
They'd never leave us alone.
Oh, really?
Wait until they meet Puppy Co's certified...
in-house childcare expert.
Oh, no.
- Don't be nervous, buddy.
- It's only overnight.
We'll be back before you know it.
Besides, you boys are in great hands.
That's right!
Eugenia is practically perfect in every way.
No.
Please don't go with him.
Francis Francis is trying to...
Believe me...
Eugenia won't take her eyes
off your children.
Not for one second.
That's very reassuring.
Now you see them.
And now, you don't.
Too-da-loo!
To the airport!
It's over. I'm through.
What do we do, Templeton?
What do we do?
We have to get to the airport
and stop Francis Francis...
before the plane takes off!
Yes! But how do we get past
Scary Poppins down there?
Okay. There must be something we can do.
Hey, it's not that bad.
Are you okay?
What's the matter with you?
Don't look at me!
Oh, no!
Without that formula,
I turn into a normal baby.
You know, goo-goo, Ga-ga. The whole bit!
Oh, no!
Gross!
I'm a ticking baby time bomb!
I'm going to turn into a puking,
pooping, helpless baby!
Wait a second. That gives me an idea.
What? What is it?
I've been through a lot of babysitters...
and they all fear one thing.
Now, ladies,
the secret to deep fried butter...
is a healthy dab of margarine.
Hey, Mr. Lady Man!
The baby. I think he's sick!
You gotta do something!
Oh, the horror!
- Templeton!
- Delicious!
Gross! It got in your mouth!
It got in my mouth, too!
I think I'm gonna be sick!
Swirly!
There's only an hour
before the plane takes off.
Let's take the bike.
The bike?
I don't know.
Let's move!
- Okay, but wait right here!
- What?
Where are you going? Templeton!
Always wear a helmet.
Too-da-loo, toilet head!
You'll never catch us!
Staci!
Staci, come in!
Oh, Staci!
- Is that you, boss?
- Code red!
I'm being chased by a killer babysitter!
Gather the team!
On it, boss.
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Hello!
- Code red.
Got it!
We got a code red. Repeat...
We got a code red!
What are you doing, Templeton? Go, go!
But that's jaywalking!
Here, I'll pay your ticket.
Go!
I think we lost him!
Oh, no, we didn't!
Flower power!
Pow, pow, pow!
That's my boy!
Poppy!
Run, run, run.
Uh-oh.
Run, run, run.
Tim, you've gotta go faster!
I can't do it!
You can.
You've got it in you, Templeton.
Now, eyes ahead.
I said eyes ahead, son!
Buttocks up! Now pedal like you mean it!
Either you run the day, or the day runs you.
Good!
Uh-oh!
My training wheels!
I can't ride without training wheels!
Whether you think you can
or you think you can't, you're right!
What are you talking about?
The path to success
is not a straight line, Templeton...
but rather a wild ride...
like a ship at sea.
And you're a sea captain...
taming a turbulent ocean!
I'm a sea captain, taming the ocean!
Good!
Tree! I'm gonna hit it!
Aim for failure, and you'll always succeed.
- What?
- Aim away from failure!
I'm doing it. I'm doing it!
Once success is a habit...
then it's all downhill.
Look!
There they are! Mom, Dad!
- Train!
- Choo-choo!
Stop!
What are you doing?
- We're gonna make it.
- But I don't have a quote for this!
You did it!
No! We did it.
And all without your training wheels.
Coming through!
Baby on board!
Hang on to your diaper!
Duck and cover!
Hold it, buddy!
I'm gonna need a strip search on two.
There they are! Mom, Dad!
Hey, not so fast!
Oh, no.
Templeton!
- Hey!
- Sorry!
Hey, where'd you go?
Oh, no!
Not again!
Not now!
What the...?
No, no, no!
Come on!
I think I ate $1.75.
Excuse me, coming through! Mom, Dad!
Hurry now! Move!
We don't wanna miss our flight!
- No!
- I warned you!
Wait!
- No!
- No.
Mom, Dad! Stop!
No!
No, no, no.
They're gone.
I failed.
I would've gotten to my parents
if I didn't have to go back for you!
What? We would have been here
in plenty of time...
if you knew how to ride a bike
like a normal kid!
We're never going to stop the launch on time.
Who cares? My parents are in danger.
I care! Baby Corp is going to go
out of business.
That's all you ever talk about.
You don't even know what it's like
to be part of a family.
And you don't know what it's like
to have a job!
You don't know anything about hugs,
or bedtime stories, or special songs!
Oh, please! Stop acting like a baby.
You're a baby!
You take that back.
My life was perfect until you showed up!
Believe me, kid, the feeling is mutual.
I wish I'd never met you!
I wish you'd never been born!
Where are you going?
Fine!
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
Would Timothy Templeton please pick up
the white courtesy phone?
Timothy Leslie Templeton,
please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Leslie.
Hello?
It's me. Don't hang up, Tim!
Tim, I wasn't born. I was hired.
What do you mean?
Baby Corp is the only home I've ever known.
So you're right.
I don't know what it's like...
to be part of a family.
But I do care.
You do?
Yeah.
And the only way to save both
is to stop Francis Francis.
Yeah.
I can't do this without you, Tim.
I need you.
- I guess we do make a pretty good team.
- No.
Literally, I can't reach the door knobs.
Oh, right.
Don't worry, Tim.
We're gonna save your parents.
And your company.
But how do we get to Vegas now?
We're gonna need a miracle.
Follow that Elvis!
Why?
Where there's Elvis, there's Vegas!
There's another one!
And another one!
Elvises everywhere!
Tim, there's our flight!
And there goes our ticket!
Hey! Don't be cruel!
Sorry!
- Well, thank you!
- Oh, baby!
Well, thank you very much.
Hello.
Hi.
Ticket please.
One moment.
It's been stolen!
Impersonating an Elvis impersonator?
Get him!
Humina, humina, humina.
Stop!
The ghost of Elvis!
We gotta find seats!
Come on, this way!
What is this place?
This, Templeton, is first class.
Why is it empty?
No one can afford it.
That's what makes it so wonderful.
Hello! This is Captain Ross.
Ladies and gentlemen, and those in coach...
please fasten your seat belts.
We're about to take off.
What's the matter, Templeton?
My parents always hold my hand
during takeoff.
Boy, the stocks are crazy today.
Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Ross again.
As you can see,
I've switched off the seat belt sign.
What are you two boys doing up here?
We're Captain Ross's kids.
He told us to sit here.
Well, can I get you special guys anything?
Anything?
Anything.
Aye! All right, Francis Francis.
This will teach you
to kidnap the parents of One-Eyed Tim.
Oh, please. If only it were that easy.
What's your plan?
You're not gonna write a memo, are you?
No.
Come on. You said you never really
had a childhood, right?
Why don't you give it a try?
- No, I can't.
- It's fun!
Here, let's get you into character.
I don't know. I feel silly!
Go on! Say something mean to him.
All right, all right, all right.
So, you went to a community college, is it?
I don't know.
Keep going!
And you have the guts
to ask me for a bonus, now?
See!
Now you're getting into it.
Huh?
Well, blow me down.
Your exit interview is over!
That was pretty good.
Who was that guy anyway?
- The captain!
- What?
En garde!
Heave!
Ho!
Thar she blows!
Watch your stern!
- Aye!
- Dodge, parry, and thrust!
Sounds like a heck of a law firm!
Nice try! Heads up!
You're fired!
And here's your severance package. Ha!
Wait. You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
You're not?
You're supposed to end with "Argh!"
Got it! Argh!
That's great!
Thanks! I just went with the flow.
Ladies and gentlemen, and those in coach...
on the left side of the plane...
you can see we're approaching
fabulous Las Vegas.
Land ho!
Ahoy, matey.
Bye, Dad! Thanks for the lift!
- Okay. What?
- Let's move.
- Going to the Heartbreak Hotel?
- I'm going to the Heartbreak Hotel.
- Me, too!
- Me, too!
Me, too!
We've gotta get to the convention center.
Should we get a taxi?
Darn! I spent all my per Diem.
That's more our speed.
Right.
Excuse me, ladies.
Can we get a ride home?
Jimmy's been sick,
and he needs his expensive medicine.
Where do you live, sweetie?
The convention center.
Bye, sweetie!
Have a fun lady party!
Chicks dig babies.
The people of Long Island do not know
how to make an iced tea.
Oh, no! How are we gonna find my parents
in here?
Tim!
Over there.
Okay, now where's Puppy Co?
Puppy Co, Puppy Co, Puppy Co...
Aha! Here it is. Found it!
But how did you...?
Hey! Where'd you go?
Not again!
Come on! I need you!
I'm back! I'm back.
What's going on?
That's right.
We're gonna launch a brand new puppy
in every continent.
In every country!
We're going to take over the world,
one heart at a time.
- Tim, there they are!
- Mom, Dad!
Imagine a puppy that never grows up...
never gets old.
A puppy that stays a puppy forever.
I give you the only thing you'll ever love...
the Forever Puppy!
Mommy?
Avert your eyes, Templeton!
Hey! What are you doing here?
Mom, Dad!
What are they doing here?
What are Tim and the baby doing here?
What are any of us doing here, really?
What is going on here?
He's got my parents!
We're really here to get them.
Get them!
Get the Forever Puppy!
We've got to get backstage.
In there!
Run!
Go, go, go!
Left, right! Left, right! Left, right!
Yes!
Fart. Poop. Doodie.
Look at all that formula.
Now that's how you launch a product.
Oh, no!
He's putting them under the rocket!
Elvis has left the building!
Mom, Dad...
I'm coming!
Atta boy! Go, Tim! Go, go!
Launch initiated.
I'm launching my Forever Puppies,
and there's nothing you can do about it!
No!
Baby Corp stole all the love from me...
and now I'm going to take it back from them.
You should understand what I'm talking about.
You got replaced just like me!
No! I'm nothing like you!
Bratty kid!
Let our parents go! His parents. The parents.
Yeah!
You could have had your parents' love
all to yourself again!
But no!
You blew it!
You let that baby boss you around.
He doesn't work for me.
We're partners!
I'm not ticklish.
Hey! Where's the baby?
Everyone has a tickle spot!
My ears!
Stop it!
Little brats!
Nothing is going to get in the way
of my vengeance.
Not you, not anybody!
Baby Corp is through.
I win! Ha!
Wrong!
You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
- That's right!
- What?
You're supposed to end with...
Argh!
En garde!
You're fired!
And here's your severance package!
Take that, you scurvy scallywag!
Argh!
One minute and counting.
- Help!
- Anybody!
Tim! What are you doing?
No!
Mom, Dad, I'm coming!
Is that you?
Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I got this!
- Are you okay?
- Is the baby all right?
Yes, the baby's fine.
Who was that?
That was me!
The baby's fine.
It won't budge!
What's happening?
Wait a second!
Hey.
I know a way to move my parents.
- How?
- We can use the puppies!
Upsies.
I need upsies.
But what if you "go baby" again?
It'll be fine. Fine, fine.
Fine!
It'll be fine.
Hang on to your diaper!
We're moving!
Why are we moving?
All right, Mom and Dad, hang on!
T-minus 30 seconds.
Oh, no! Wait!
Hold on!
Go, Tim! Get your parents...
out of here.
You've gotta jump!
Come on, it's a piece of cake!
No! No patty cake! Get down!
Don't cry. I'm sorry. Please don't cry!
20 seconds.
15 seconds.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
For this moment to arise
- Three...
- Gotcha!
...two, one.
Blast off!
Yeah!
Hey, are you still in there?
Aha!
What happened? Did we win?
- We won!
- We won?
- We won, we won, we won!
- We won! Yes!
Victory nap!
You ruined everything!
It's not fair! It's not fair!
That's not right.
Now you're really going to pay!
Oh, yeah? It's time you pick on someone
your own size!
What?
Eugene! You put me down!
You hear me? I am the boss of you!
This time, we'll raise him right.
I'm sure that's gonna turn out fine.
Tim, what's happening?
Mom, Dad, hold on!
Yes!
- Tim?
- Tim!
Tim! Are you okay?
I'm fine. We're fine.
You saved us.
You're our hero.
And a great big brother.
We love you both so much.
Both of us?
With all our heart.
Let's go home.
How do I look?
You look great.
Well, team, good job.
Staci, this letter should get you
into the school of your choice.
- Kindergarten?
- That's right.
And if there's anything else...
How about a raise?
Staci, you don't get paid.
- One million ziggity-five!
- Eight!
- A tricycle!
- Skates!
- Candy corn?
- Lollipop!
Deal.
Best boss ever.
And you guys don't always have to
toe the company line, you know?
It's okay to think for yourself.
- No, sir!
- No way!
That's a terrible idea!
That's the attitude.
- You're so right!
- You've got it, sir!
- You're the man!
- Absolutely!
Here you go, big guy.
You've earned it.
You wanna hug me, don't you?
I'll miss you too, buddy. Okay.
- There, there.
- It'll be okay, big guy.
So...
you did it.
No. We did it.
By the way,
congratulations on your promotion.
The corner office, the private potty.
All that stuff.
But, hey! How about you?
You have your parents all to yourself.
So what am I gonna tell Mom and Dad
after you leave?
Don't worry.
Baby Corp has a procedure
for situations like this.
It'll be like I was never born.
I almost forgot!
No way! Lam-Lam!
- You fixed her.
- Yep.
She's as good as new. She's a tough one.
Well, I guess we both got what we wanted.
It's a win-win.
Probably should...
Yeah.
So, stay in school.
I don't really have a choice.
Yeah, right.
- Goodbye, Tim.
- Bye.
Yeah, right.
He left as suddenly as he arrived.
Bye.
Finally, my life was perfect again.
Forget about the baby.
Oopsies!
Pardon me, big fella.
Surprise!
Hooray!
Forget about the baby?
No, thanks. I'm good.
Okie-dokie.
Argh.
Dear Boss Baby...
I don't usually write very much...
but now I know
that memos are very important things.
Even though I never went
to business school...
I did learn to share in kindergarten.
And if there isn't enough love
for the two of us...
then I wanna give you all of mine.
I would like to offer you a job.
It will be hard work...
and there will be no pay.
But the good news is that
you can never be fired.
And I promise you this.
Every morning when you wake up,
I will be there.
Every night at dinner, I will be there.
Every birthday party,
every Christmas morning...
I will be there.
Year after year after year.
We will grow old together.
And you and I will always...
...be brothers.
Always.
Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.
What's the point, Wizzie?
Because it's 7:00 a.m.
I have one job to do,
and you make it so difficult.
It's okay, little halfling.
Sometimes, I get confused too.
Especially during daylight savings time.
Spring forward, fall back.
We don't even have calendars
in the wizard's realm!
There is no spring, only darkness and winter!
I'm not confused at all, Wizzie.
I just miss him.
Tim, look who's here!
It's your new baby...
Brother!
You're here! You're really here!
Gentle, gentle.
You came back!
Say hello to Theodore Lindsey Templeton.
Lindsey?
Who's ticklish? Who's ticklish?
Here you go.
So, that's my story.
Our story.
Luckily for me and my little brother,
it had a happy ending.
Is that a true story, Daddy?
Well, sweetie, that's how I remember it.
- But you know what I found out?
- What?
There's plenty of love for everyone.
Even me?
Especially you.
Just ask your Uncle Ted.
Hey, kid, I hear you're gonna have
a baby sister.
I wanted a horse.
Here you go, kid. Go get yourself a horse.
You know, I'm proud of you, Leslie.
Back at ya, Lindsey.
Hi there, baby sister.
Argh!
All right, guys.
Time for bed.
Come on, Mom. Just a little longer.
Okay.
Wake up, little halflings!
It's time to leave.
Go and live your peasant lives.
Be gone with you!

More Movie Scripts | Request a Movie Transcript


Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=the-boss-baby

2018-02-05 15:55:29 UTC

Ok, ok, I see what's happening here
You're face to face with greatness, and it's strange
You don't even know how you feel
It's adorable!
Well, it's nice to see that humans never change

Open your eyes, let's begin
Yes, it's really me, it's Maui: breathe it in!

I know it's a lot: the hair, the bod!
When you're staring at a demi-god

What can I say except you're welcome
For the tides, the sun, the sky
Hey, it's okay, it's okay
You're welcome
I'm just an ordinary demi-guy

Hey!
What has two thumbs that pulled up the sky
When you were waddling yay high
This guy!

When the nights got cold
Who stole you fire from down below
You're lookin' at him, yo

Oh, also I lassoed the sun
You're welcome!
To stretch the days and bring you fun

Also I harnessed the breeze
You're welcome!
To fill your sails and shake your trees

So what can I say except you're welcome
For the islands I pulled from the sea
There's no need to pray, it's okay
You're welcome!
Ha, I guess it's just my way of being me
You're welcome!
You're welcome!

Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly I can go on and on
I can explain every natural phenomenon
The tide, the grass, the ground, oh
That was Maui just messing around

I killed an eel
I buried its guts
Sprouted a tree, now you got coconuts
What's the lesson
What is the take-away
Don't mess with Maui when he's on the break-away

And the tapestry here on my skin
Is a map of the victories I win
Look where I've been
I make everything happen
Look at that mini-Maui just tippity-tappin'

Well, anyway let me say you're welcome
For the wonderful world you know
Hey, it's okay, it's okay
You're welcome!
Well, come to think of it, I gotta go

Hey, it's your day to say you're welcome
'Cause I'm gonna need that boat
I'm sailing away, away
You're welcome!
'Cause Maui can do anything but float

You're welcome!
You're welcome!
And thank you!

2018-02-05 16:17:26 UTC

Nope

no I don't have any questions

2018-02-05 17:17:07 UTC

beauitiful

2018-02-05 17:20:15 UTC

The world we live in.
It's so wondrous, mysterious,
even magical.
No. No, not that world.
I meant this one.
The smartphone.
Each system and program and app
is its own little planet of perfect technology,
all providing services so necessary,
so crucial, so unbelievably profound.
Look who just sent me a text.
Addie McAllister?
Must be a mistake. Or a joke. Or a scam.
Don't send her your Social Security number.
Dude.
She's right there.
That's our user, Alex.
And, like every freshman in high school,
his whole life, everything, revolves around his phone.
And, as the pace of life gets faster and faster...
Phones down in five.
And attention spans get shorter and shorter and...
You're probably not even listening to me right now.
Who has the time to type out actual words?
And that's where we come in,
the most important invention in the history of communication...
Emojis.
That's my home.
Textopolis.
Here, each of us does one thing,
and we have to nail it every time.
The Christmas Tree just has to
stand there all festive.
Merry Christmas.
It's still September, Tim.
The Princesses...
I am so pretty.
They just got to wear their crowns and keep their hair combed.
You guys, we are so pretty.
Devil, Poop, Thumbs Up.
They just show up, and they're good to go.
But for the faces, the pressure is on.
Crier always has to cry, even if he's just won the lottery.
Hooray! I'm a billionaire!
The Laugher is always laughing,
even if he's just broken his arm.
I can see the bone!
Now, me, I'm a Meh.
So I got to be totally over it all the time,
you know, like, "Meh, who cares?"
Which is not as easy as it sounds.
Morning, Mrs. D. I see you have the little minis with you.
They're so cute.
That is so adorable, I can't take it!
Now I'll never get them to sleep.
Stick to your one face, weirdo.
No! No!
It's hard to always act blase,
when living in Textopolis is just so exciting.
Hello, good simians.
Those are some sharp attaches.
Yes, well, we have business to attend to.
What kind of business?
Monkey business.
I sounded British!
Meh. That was really good.
Meh. Meh. That was a great...
-Whatcha doing there, mate?
-Practicing.
Today is my first day on the phone.
Boy. I'm gonna be so meh.
What are you gonna do?
Me and the boys are gonna throw ourselves on the barbie!
Here's my sauce now.
G'day, mate.
Hey. Konnichiwa.
Sorry, emoticons!
I hate knocking over the elderly.
Here, let me help, let me help.
My colon!
Is that the time?
Hey, my eyes are up here, pal.
Yeah! All right!
Right on time.
So, last week,
Alex sends me next to this guy.
That kid! Where does he get this stuff?
Why are you laughing, freak?
Now, unlike me, my parents are total pros.
Gene, please tell me you weren't laughing just now.
In public.
He was. I remember.
Let's go somewhere more private.
I have some bad news, Gene.
And I'm afraid you'll have the wrong reaction.
Okay. What's the wrong reaction?
Anything other than "meh."
Come on. I don't want to be late.
I'm not letting you go to work today.
Wait, what?
You're just not ready, son.
Come on! Working in the cube is an emoji's whole purpose in life.
Everybody my age is working on the phone except for me.
Sweetie, that's not true.
Yeah! I'm gonna work on the phone, and I'm only 10.
That's because I believe in you.
Should we wash our hands?
No, no, no.
We're number two!
We're number two! We're number two!
See?
I... I know I'm different, okay?
But when I need to, I can be meh.
I just...
I want to be a working emoji, you know, like...
Like everybody else, and then...
Then I would finally fit in, you know?
You fit in, honey.
No, I don't, Mom.
I never have.
But I can change all that if you'd just let me. Just give me a chance.
But what if you get sent out on the phone, making the wrong face?
No, Dad, I'll make the right face.
Look.
Meh...
You're so handsome when you make that face.
I think he's ready, Mel.
Meh.
Come on, Dad.
Let me prove it to you.
If you really think you're ready.
I am! Yes! Yes. I promise, I won't let you down.
Stop.
Congratulations, everyone!
What an exciting day for all of you.
It's really her.
Pizza!
Hey!
Your first day on the job.
Hi. Hi.
Don't be nervous. I won't bite. Hi. I'm Smiler.
Don't touch me.
Hi!
Okay.
I mean, hey.
As you know, I'm Smiler.
I am the system supervisor here
because I was the original emoji.
Here's how it works.
It's nothing fancy.
Wait a minute. It's really fancy!
You each have your own cube on the emoji bar.
If Alex chooses you,
should you be so lucky, your cube will light up.
It's showtime.
The scanner will scan you,
and that scan will get sent right up to Alex's text box.
And let me tell you, guys,
there is nothing like getting scanned for the first time.
You're gonna love it. Really.
Now, over here is the favorites section
where you'll find all the most popular emojis.
And, of course, you'll find my cube here.
You are smooth.
Just doing my duty.
What? What did I say?
Rocket looking to party.
Come on, tell me you aren't just a little bit tempted.
Steven, for the last time,
I don't want to buy a time-share.
Come on, man, it's Hi-5. You know me, I'm a favorite.
Alex hasn't picked you in weeks.
And if he stops picking you, you're no longer a favorite.
It's got to be some sort of mistake.
I mean, look at me, I'm an attractive hand giving a high five.
Fist Bump. Come on in.
Hey.
Fist Bump? He's a knucklehead. Literally.
Look at him. I can look like that.
Cramp. Huge mistake.
Help. Help me. Help up the hand.
There you go.
Thanks, mate.
Hey, little Meh, how about you create a distraction,
and then I'll just slip under the rope?
Is someone lost?
Smiler, hi. Just leaving.
Yeah, you know, just killing time
before I go back to my cube in the far corner
where Alex can't even see me anymore!
You may not be a favorite anymore,
but you will always have a place in the cube.
Yeah, in the nosebleeds.
I'm standing right here. Words hurt.
The most important thing I can tell you is to just be yourself.
Blah.
I was made to be happy, so I am always smiling.
Places, please. Emojis to your cubes.
Attention. We've got incoming.
Got to be meh. Got to be meh.
My gosh, my own cube.
I can't believe it. I could put a plant over here.
And over here could go an inspirational calendar.
Okay. Got to be meh. Got to be meh.
Look at our son down there.
I'm just beaming
with pride.
You don't think he'll actually get picked, do you?
Hie-ro-gly-phics.
Hieroglyphics was an ancient language of picture forms.
Does that remind anyone of anything?
Hello? A language of pictures. Anyone?
Early hieroglyphs date back as far as 3,300...
I got to reply to Addie's text.
What should I write?
Nothing.
Words aren't cool.
Okay. Be cool. Be cool.
All right, Alex is not sure how he wants to play this.
I would really love it to be me.
Beam me up! Beam me up!
I need Thumbs Up on standby.
Yeah! Thumbs Up is going in!
Wait! Alex is changing his mind.
He's moving.
Okay. Looks like it's gonna be Meh.
I'm so nervous, I could almost shrug.
We are go for Meh.
Initiating scan.
Okay. You can do this.
I can't do this! I can't do it!
What is this?
Stop the scan!
I can't! It's too late!
Meh, meh, meh, meh. My goodness, I'm freaking out!
What's he doing?
He's making the wrong face!
Good for him! Little... Wait, what?
Be meh! Be meh! Be meh!
Abort! Abort!
Shut it down! Shut it down!
What is that emoji?
Wrong emoji sent! Evacuate the Meh cube!
Evacuate the cube!
I got to get out of here.
Get that bozo out of there!
I'm trying!
No!
My God.
The humanity.
Medic.
Sorry, everybody. That was not what I meant to do.
I kinda...
I kinda panicked.
Are you even a Meh at all?
Course he is.
He's my spitting image.
If you have expressions other than meh,
what you are is a malfunction.
Malfunction?
No! I can be meh. Just give me one more chance.
That's not gonna happen.
You know what would be really fun?
A board meeting.
Where we could figure out what to do with you!
I knew there was something wrong with him.
A malfunction?
What's gonna happen to him?
He can't work on the phone.
What would Alex think?
What do his parents think?
I just wanted to be useful, you know? Fit in.
Now everybody thinks I'm a malfunction.
I am a malfunction.
Even if you are a malfunction, Gene,
your mom and dad still love ya.
I knew you weren't ready.
Let's get you out of here and take you home.
One day, all this will blow over,
and everyone will almost forget about what you did.
Until then,
you should probably stay locked up in the apartment.
Wait. You want to hide me away?
You're embarrassed of me.
It's for your own safety.
We're trying to protect you, son.
Gene? Where are you going?
I'm not gonna run away from this.
I'm an emoji, and even though I'm not sure exactly which one,
I've got to have some sort of purpose here.
I know it.
Gene, no.
Sweetie, please.
Boy.
A malfunction...
Order! Order!
The motion is carried.
So, how'd it go, Gavel?
Hey, Light Bulb, tell me what's going on in there.
What? Poop, what is it?
Tell me, turd. Tell me true. What happened?
I know it was an accident. We all have accidents.
You're so soft, Poop.
Not too soft, I hope.
Gene!
We were just gonna come looking for you.
Why don't you come inside the boardroom,
and we can have a teeny, weeny chat.
Um, I came up here to defend myself, but you seem pretty happy.
So, good news?
Right. I'm always happy.
Right. Hashtag truth.
Well, the only thing that could ever make me unhappy
is if one of our emoji team made a mistake,
which caused Alex to lose faith in the phone.
And then our whole world gets wiped out.
Smiler, I double-pinky-swear promise to you
that I will never, ever make a mistake in the cube again.
We know you won't, Gene.
We know you won't.
You know, the first time you said it,
it sounded genuine, but then you repeated it,
and then, that was weird.
That's because we're setting you up
with our best Anti-Virus Bots.
So, they'll like... They'll just... They're gonna fix me?
Actually, delete you. But yes!
If you get deleted,
you don't have to worry about
what your purpose is or the future
or why you're such a malfunction.
'Cause you're deleted, right?
All right, good talk.
Bots!
No!
Don't let him escape!
Party time! Wait a minute...
The air is better here.
Beer, Tea.
I'm Coffee!
Sorry. Sheesh. So edgy.
My old cube.
Take a hike, Mike.
-My name's not Mike.
-What?
There's AV Bots coming!
For me?
Just because I'm in the wrong section?
Holy deleto!
What do we do?
Quick! This way!
Let's go.
Don't tell anyone you're about to see this.
They'll never find us down here.
Where are we? The basement?
No. Welcome to the Loser Lounge,
where the emojis who never get used hang out.
Go fish, Fish Cake With Swirl.
Sweep so you won't cry. Sweep so you won't cry.
Sweep so you won't cry.
I almost got deleted.
Me, Hi-5.
Hey. What's up, Hi-5?
They weren't trying to delete you. They were trying to delete me.
You? What's so important about you
they'd send out an entire team of Bots?
They say I'm a malfunction.
You bringing malfunctions in here now, Hi-5?
For crying out loud, Abandoned Luggage,
that had better not be my leftover Chinese food.
What Chinese food?
Do you have any idea what it's like
to be living large, hashtag blessed,
the favorite of the favorites, and then demoted to this pit of despair?
Here, will you hit my calluses for me?
At least you're a working emoji.
That's all I ever wanted.
Well, if that's all it'll take
for you to be satisfied, then just find a hacker and get reprogrammed.
It's not that complicated.
Where would I find a hacker?
In the Piracy app. Duh.
Who took my clear nail polish?
Piracy app?
To get there, I mean, I'd have to leave Textopolis.
So? I've done it. Would you be a brother?
One of the Princess emojis left the phone altogether.
Now she lives on the cloud.
That is good.
I'm sure the hacker that helped her do that could easily reprogram you.
The name's Jailbreak.
Jailbreak?
That's great! Reprogrammed.
I just need to be reprogrammed,
and then, I can finally be the Meh I was meh to be.
Help me find that hacker, Hi-5. Will you? Please?
Maybe this hacker could help you, too.
Like rewrite some code, get you into the favorites section.
Wait a minute.
I've been trying to use my charisma
and sense of entitlement to get me back on top,
but all I need is a hacker.
Today's your lucky day. Let's roll.
Hey, can I come, too?
Talk to the hand, Red Wagon.
I thought I was.
Bye, Felicia.
Ciao, Fish Cake with Swirl.
Daddy's heading back to the VIPs where he belongs!
Wait. What about the Bots?
Good point. Good point.
Ouch!
Hey.
I shouldn't have picked the cactus.
I just... I shouldn't have picked it.
You didn't even try to get the tree.
It's baffling. Let's go.
Hi-5?
Hello?
Hi-5?
Where are you?
I'm right here!
Gene!
Here we are, end of the text app.
No way.
Come on, Gene. It's perfectly safe.
Gene, help me!
The wallpaper monster's got me!
No! Hold on, hold on!
Hi-5!
No. This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Hi-5! I'm...
I'm just messing with you.
It's one of those rubber finger-monster puppets
from the '80s. I collected the whole set.
All right, you coming?
What do I do?
What do you mean?
Just take a step through the other side.
This is it.
The next time I come back here,
I'll be a real Meh.
Hi-5?
No!
Are you finished?
Where are we?
Welcome to the Wallpaper.
This place is incredible.
Each app is its own unique world.
That's my face. You're on my... Thank you.
What is this place?
WeChat.
It's like a whole other world.
It is.
What are they?
They're Bubble Pups. They might be cute, but, man, are they clingy.
Whee!
They're stickers, Gene.
Try to get with the program.
This is so cool.
Wait. What's in that one?
-Guys, look at this picture.
-Look at my baby.
This is what I ate for breakfast.
-This is what I ate for lunch!
-Here's me on a hike!
Here's me in the gym! Here's me in the bathroom!
Everybody's talking about themselves.
How does he know so many people?
None of these people know him, but they like him,
and that's what matters in this life, popularity.
I...
I think I'd...
I think I'd rather just have a real friend.
A real friend? How's that gonna get you anywhere?
What you need are fans.
They give you complete and unrelenting support.
As long as you're on top.
Poor Gene. I blame myself.
I blame you, too.
I just wanted to be supportive.
You just wanted a vacation.
You take that back, Mel Meh.
Bots.
If they haven't found Gene by now, he must have skipped town.
You mean the Wallpaper?
Our boy's on the run.
How about we find him ourselves?
Yeah, for sure.
Tell all Bots to follow those Mehs.
I'm sure they'll know all the
freaky-deaky apps Gene will hide out in.
I'm really good at making plans, you guys.
Right?
Here we are. The Piracy app.
This is where we'll find Jailbreak.
Um... But this is the Dictionary.
That's just what Alex wants his parents to think.
This is called a skin.
Really? What could a teenage boy
possibly want to hide from his parents?
Just try to keep up. This place can get a little rough.
Ahoy, mateys.
Look who's back!
Hi-5!
I'm a bit of a celebrity here. Always welcome.!
Loser!
Come on. Follow me.
Great. Emojis.
I thought the conversation just got dumber.
Internet trolls. Just ignore them.
Eventually, they'll get a job or a girlfriend
or some sort of purpose in life, and they'll stop.
Virus. We'll just... We'll just walk over this way.
Hi! It's so great to see you again.
Do I know you?
It's Spam. Just sign here and I can get you special discounts on vitamins
and credit card offers that can save you up to 25%.
No, no, no, don't get sucked in.
Back off, Spam!
It's the only way to deal... Back off!
Thank you very much!
You can illegally download our CD right here.
Hey, Trojan Horse. How are you?
Yeah, what'll it be, hand?
I'll have a bottle of "Hack Daniel's."
Maybe with a plate of cheese and hackers?
You trying to find a hacker?
You can just ask, you know.
Sorry. Um, yes.
We're looking for a hacker named Jailbreak.
I know a guy that can hook you up.
Right over there.
He looks capable.
No, not him. Her.
Wait. He's a she?
Hey, Jailbreak.
Mind if we join you?
Yes.
That's the thing about the Internet, isn't it?
You can never tell if someone's being ironic or sincere.
I sincerely, unironically want you to go away.
That's a good one.
So, here's the thing. My friend Gene here has a little problem.
Well, see, I'm supposed to be a Meh,
but I don't really feel...
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's good. And we thought
you could help, since you got the Princess,
you know, off the phone.
Not interested.
Hold up. That's not a Meh face.
Bots! They're after me!
How are you doing that?
Look, it's just something I can do. Can you help us?
Follow me.
Bots! Delete my history!
I corrupted the entire hard drive.
I made the most delicious cinnamon buns.
Maybe if there was something to, you know, jog my memory.
Come on! Move!
Hey, Trolls, why is that mailbox wearing a tuxedo?
Hi! It's so great to see you again! Call me!
This tunnel will get us out of here.
Move!
Did that cloud taste sweet to you?!
Help me! Help! I'm stuck!
Sweet motherboard!
Where am I?
Get me out of here.
Hey, Palm Face.
Try getting him out the top!
Already on it!
Hold tight, Gene.
This feels very odd, and it smells.
I mean, it smells good, it smells delicious, but I still don't like it.
The game obviously thinks you're a candy,
even though you're weirdly misshapen, you know?
What are we gonna do?
Stay very still.
Don't worry. We've got your back. Right, Hi-5?
Hey, Fingers! You want to focus?
For your information, I happen to have a sugar addiction,
and it's a very serious...
Listen, Finger Head!
We have to get Gene out of the game without blowing him up.
I don't want to blow up.
We have to match up the candies,
so that Gene will drop to the bottom.
And we can't match him with any yellows, or else...
Don't do that. Please don't do that.
Watch.
Match three in a row.
Don't blow Gene up. Got it.
And we have to be very careful.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Careful.
-Candy!
Watch it!
Hey!
No! No, no, no! Slow down.
Not the yellows! Not the yellows.
I said careful!
My mom just joined Facebook. Can you believe she wanted to friend me?
Hey, Addie, I was just wondering if you are...
Tasty.
What?
Um... Excuse me?
Sweet.
Hey, Addie!
Hi, Nikki.
See you later, Alex.
Sugar Crush.
So over this.
Wireless Wireless. How may I help you?
I'd like to make an appointment.
It's like this phone is playing games with me.
Hey, what does this do?
No!
Get me out of here!
No! Stop it! Stop, stop!
It's not working.
Well, there's one option left.
We line you up with the yellows.
But you said not to do that.
Special candies get transported to that jar.
The game might think you're a special candy.
And what if it doesn't think I'm a special candy?
Well...
Jailbreak, hello? Hello, Jailbreak?
Sorry.
What if it doesn't think I'm a special candy?
I'm not too worried about it.
Okay, just do it.
Gene!
Gene?
Hey. No!
Gene! You're alive!
You were trying to see if I had somehow
turned into candy, weren't you?
Yes, I was. And you have not.
Hey. Looks like something popped up on Alex's calendar.
I'm sure it's nothing.
Alex made an appointment at the phone store.
No!
Calm down, everyone!
Calm down.
Don't worry. Everything is fine.
Maybe Alex just wants to buy some accessories.
His appointment is with technical support.
Well, I'm sure we still have plenty of time to figure this out.
His appointment is for tomorrow.
Then maybe it's just for some routine maintenance.
Actually, it's to erase the phone.
Listen, Gene, I'm about to become your knight in shining armor.
You are?
Yeah.
But first, we need to get uploaded to the cloud.
That's where we'll find the source code to reprogram you.
The cloud?
Isn't that off the phone?
Ding, ding, ding, ding. You got it.
Yeah, the cloud. Off the phone.
We're in Candy Crush, obvs.
I know a shortcut to Just Dance,
which is right next to Dropbox,
where we can get uploaded to the cloud.
Of course. Just Dance, then boogie over to Dropbox,
catch the link, and zoom.
Hold up. Here's the stinker.
Before they let us into the cloud,
we have to get past this firewall.
The firewall uses face identification.
Yeah, the firewall.
Which is really annoying, because I've already tried to get through.
Guessed wrong once, and now I'm locked out for life.
Locked out for life?
You're thinking, 'cause I can make different faces,
the firewall will think I'm different emojis.
Yeah.
I wanted to say it 'cause it was my idea.
You know, women are always coming up with stuff
that men are taking credit for.
You know what...
Well, then let's hit the road.
Hi-5, you coming?
I'm coming!
Why do I always think I'm gonna come around on black licorice?
My precious.
Hey! Move it!
Certain death, here we come.
Let's try this one.
YouTube?
What a visual treat.
And I don't even need a remote.
That guy is so expressive.
He reminds me of Gene.
Yeah. Something really wrong with him.
Our son is a malfunction,
and you should never have let him go into that cube.
Don't blame me for this, Mel.
I am hopping mad at you.
See?
Mary, I think we're being followed.
But don't overreact.
I told you not to overreact.
What are you doing now?
They'll be in there for hours.
Mary, where are you going?
I think we should go our separate ways, Mel.
I thought I knew the Meh that I married,
but maybe I don't.
But, Mary...
This tunnel will help us avoid the Bots.
Thanks for helping us. It's really nice of you.
NBD, dude. The truth is, you're helping me.
Come on, let's move it. Why so slow?
Hi-5, stop. Why are you getting so close? What's with you? Back off.
Can't stop now. I'm having a sugar rush!
I'll go around you. If I stop moving, my heart's gonna explode!
Coming through, Jailbreak! Look out!
Hey! Watch it, Knuckle Butt!
I can't feel my face.
So, Jailbreak, back there you said I'm helping you.
I've been trying to get past that firewall for months.
Come on, come on!
The faster we get there, the faster I become a favorite!
Look at me!
I just want to bounce out of here,
get off the phone, and live on the cloud.
What just happened?
You don't like it here?
There's so many rules here. What is up with that?
The cloud is supposed to be amazing.
There's so much to see and do.
Sugar crash.
I can't hold on anymore.
Catch me, Gene. Catch me!
And you can be whoever you want.
Thanks.
You're free! Come on!
My gosh, my hands are sweating.
You are a hand!
Yeah!
You know, come to think of it, I don't really remember
there ever being a hacker emoji.
Um, you know, you're taking up too much of my brain space.
Let's keep the chitchat to a minimum.
Someone likes you.
What are you talking about?
This is just like when Peace Sign gave me just one finger.
I knew she was in love with me.
Let's go!
I'm never eating another piece of candy ever again.
Hi-5, don't do it.
Don't you do it. It's already been in there once.
Don't do it.
Are my fingers getting fat?
I'll tell you what, this bandage wasn't so tight before.
Okay. We get through this app, and Dropbox is right on the other side.
We just need to keep it super DL in here.
And no matter what, we can't turn it on.
OMG, this turned it on!
What? I'm a hand. It's a big, red button.
What's happening?
No, no, no, no, no!
Welcome to Just Dance!
Follow my moves and you get to move forward.
Do the wrong moves and you get an "X."
Three strikes and you're out.
Out? What does she mean by "Out"?
Digital death.
Thanks to you, Fingers. Now we're gonna have to dance our way out.
Which is all right with me, 'cause I can shake it like Michael.
Or Michael's glove, anyway.
Are you ready to dance?
This is bad, Gene. I can't dance. I got no groove.
Come on. Everybody can dance.
Not me, okay? I'm really stiff.
See? I can't... Don't understand.
Okay. No, no...
Stop, stop. She has to stop.
I see now what you are saying. Just follow her moves.
Ready to dance in three...
This I can't do.
Two...
Dude...
Just shut up and...
Dance!
It's too easy! Hee-hee! Shamone!
Jailbreak!
I got you.
Look. Just feel the music.
Express yourself.
Through dance?
Yeah, you got it! Go, girl!
Now throw some sauce on that dance burrito.
I'm doing it!
I'm fully nailing this dance!
You got it!
Great job! You're moving on to free dance!
Impress us with your moves to move forward.
More dancing?
You're killing it, Gene! Slay!
Nice! Shake it, Gene. You won't break it.
Wait a minute!
I've never seen that dance before.
What's it called?
Um... The Emoji Pop?
I love it!
What? You do?
Everybody, do the Emoji Pop!
Hoo!
Yes!
Princess.
You're the Princess emoji?
You never got off the phone.
Welcome, new players!
What?
Who?
No!
We got to go.
Don't worry.
They're robots. They can't dance.
Downloading funk protocol.
"Can't dance," he says.
Move!
Congratulations. You're a disco diva.
Hey, Alex, you gonna dance for us?
Alex, that's extra homework for you.
Hey, Alex, you gonna shake it?
No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Alex must be deleting the app.
Watch out!
We got to get out of here.
Come on!
This song is my jam.
Hi-5, come on! Let's go!
Hurry!
Hi-5!
Gene!
I got you!
Gene...
Hi-5!
Gene.
Hey, wait. Where's Hi-5?
Alex trashed the app.
And Hi-5 right along with it.
Wait, what? Wait, trashed?
Hi-5 is in the trash?
He wanted to dance.
But I knew it was a bad idea.
We got to get him out of there.
Gene, Dropbox is right here. That's our ticket to the cloud.
And the trash is on the other side of the phone.
We don't know how many other Bots are out there.
I'm sorry.
No way. We can't go without Hi-5.
I don't care how far away it is.
That's my friend down there.
I'm not just gonna leave him to get deleted.
What? What is it?
I've always just thought you got to look out for number one.
Well, what good is it to be number one
if there aren't any other numbers?
Okay.
I'm sorry. This is my malfunction.
I just... I can't be meh about anything.
This is why I'm going to get reprogrammed.
Well, it's actually kind of cool.
Wait, really?
You know, I think I know a shortcut.
We can take the music streams in Spotify.
Let's go give that big hand a hand.
Come on.
Alex trashed the Just Dance app, and our Bots are offline,
and it's giving me a real headache.
I am so angry.
I really need to stay happy.
Can we please lighten the mood?
No one can resist una fiesta!
Not that happy.
We've only got four hours before Alex's phone appointment.
If they find a malfunction on the phone, we are all gonna be wiped.
Yeah.
She said, "Wiped."
Aim higher, Steven.
I didn't want to have to do this,
but it is fun to press buttons.
The illegal upgrade.
Now that makes me happy.
I just want to dance.
Dance, please.
Arr! Quiet, you sassy gypsy.
Where am I?
Hi! It's so great to see you again!
You're in the trash, Fingers for Brains.
Get away from me, Troll.
Hi!
It's so great to see you again!
I got to get out of here.
You can't.
And at the end of the day,
the trash gets emptied, and we're all gonna die!
No. No, no!
This is the last face you will ever see.
No!
This is Spotify?
Yep.
Every one of those streams is a different song.
Is it safe?
Yeah!
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Fastest way to the trash, dude!
Could we at least pick a calmer stream?
Okay, buzzkill.
Alex. A bunch of people are hitting the promenade.
I think Addie might be there, too.
That's perfect!
I have an appointment down there, anyway.
I've got to get this phone fixed.
Hey, bubble butt.
Yeah, you do.
Much better.
So, I got to ask.
Is it true that when a princess whistles,
birds fly down from the skies, and...
Hello, stereotype. That is a complete and total myth.
I'm sorry.
Did you realize that on the first emoji set,
a woman can either be a princess or a bride?
That's why I need to get to the cloud,
where you can be whoever you want to be.
Get ready. Whale song coming.
-Wait, wait. Whale what?
-A whale song.
From Alex's biology presentation.
You're not gonna see that sitting around in a cube.
It's funny. You want out of the cube, and I want in.
Gene, if that means you can't be yourself, what's the point?
You know, I think you're pretty cool just the way you are.
We're gonna need this.
In the trash? Me? I used to be somebody.
Here I am. Look. In an old e-mail Alex never sent.
"Addie, blah, blah, blah, blah, bla-la-la-la."
And then there's me, Hi-5,
right there, doing my job.
FYI, nobody cares about you.
Just leave me, Troll, and let me die
in this dump alone.
Let me look for the world's smallest violin in here,
so you can play it.
It's the Hand Angel of Mercy. She's finally come for me.
Give me your hand!
I mean, give me yourself.
Take my hand, angel.
I'm ready to take my place amongst the other great hands of the past.
It's me, Gene!
Gene?
I got him!
Take me with you.
Hi-5!
Let go of me.
Don't leave me down here!
You were wrong, Troll. People do care about me.
And I'm not upset, Troll.
Do you see how not upset I am?
Gene, you came back for me.
You saved me.
It wasn't just me. Jailbreak helped, too.
And she's a hugger. Give her a squeeze.
No, no, no.
There really is nothing greater
than the feeling of being truly free.
You filthy trolls, I inhaled your stench,
but I was once one of you, so I, too, feel your pain.
Now go. Be free!
Should be smooth sailing from here.
Gene.
Gene.
Gene?
Are you Instagramming?
Where is my Gene?
Mary.
You've really done it this time.
No, you haven't.
Mel?
What are you doing in Alex's trip to France album?
I was looking for you.
None of this is your fault, Mary.
It's mine.
What do you mean?
Is that a tear on your cheek?
It's my fault Gene is the way he is.
I have other expressions, too.
I think they've just been buried away.
But with Gene going missing and thinking I might have lost you, too...
Mel. Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know myself.
Right now, I'm so overwhelmed with passionate feelings for you.
Mary, my love for you burns with the intensity
of a red-hot flame.
I like that, Mel.
Let's go find our son.
Together.
We'll always have Paris, Mary.
So, you're a princess.
I saw your little tiara. Very fancy.
Is it true when a princess whistles,
birds fly down from...
That's what I said!
No, guys! That's a stupid myth!
What software version are we living in?
Go read an e-book.
Educate yourselves.
Just look behind you.
What the...
What is that?
Smiler must have upgraded her Bots.
Let's get out of here before it...
Hi, Gene. Remember me? Smiler.
I'm coming to you live from the amphitheater.
Why don't you come back to Textopolis
and we can talk through our differences, okay?
My friend here will escort you, all right?
I'm gonna see you soon, buddy. Bye, now.
We're actually gonna delete him in front of everyone.
Psst! It's still on!
It's still what?
Jiminy Sassafras!
Move!
Separate!
Tangle him up!
Jailbreak!
Gene! This way!
It's still after me!
Let's go.
We have to make it to Dropbox.
Yes!
No!
Go low!
Don't worry. It can't get in.
It's illegal malware, and this app is secure.
Come on.
Welcome to Dropbox.
You are about to leave the phone.
Remain seated, please.
You might want to hang on.
Why do they call this Dropbox, anyway?
This is why! I see that now!
Yeah!
I think we're about to see that candy corn again!
We made it.
Hoo!
Guys, guys, chill. We still have to get past that.
Holy...
Yeah.
Hello.
Welcome to the firewall.
How may I help you?
All right, here goes.
What do I do?
Sit in the corner and don't say a word.
Keep those sausage fingers to yourself.
Yes, Your Majesty Princess of Nightmares!
Now, Gene, step onto the password icon,
and I'll feed you the passwords.
Okay.
Okay. 10-11-2002.
10-11-2002.
Access denied.
Okay, try a different expression.
Is it gonna blast me every time I mess up?
Yeah, kinda.
What do you mean, "Kinda"?
Ready?
Welcome to the firewall.
His favorite food. Chimichangas.
Chimichangas?
Access denied.
This might take a while.
Boy.
Krav Maga.
Krav Maga.
Major Lazer.
Major Lazer.
Abuela Dora!
Skate or die.
Access denied.
Denied.
I don't get it.
We've tried all the important things in Alex's life.
His favorite pet, sport, his favorite grandma.
I'm sorry, Gene.
I let us all down.
You know, if I had to come up with a password,
I'd probably use the name of a girl I liked.
I've been all over the phone.
He's never mentioned a girl.
Yes, he has.
Hi. When I was in the trash, I read a very interesting e-mail,
but I'm just the dunce in the corner, forbidden to speak.
What e-mail?
Sorry, what?
What e-mail?
To a girl at school.
He was declaring his feelings of love for her.
I guess instead of sending it, he tossed it in the trash.
Hi-5, this is very important.
What is her name?
Her name, yes. Excellent question.
It was Tina.
Karen.
Marge. Lindsey.
Alison.
Sarah or Lupita.
I want to say Lupita,
but that doesn't feel right now I'm saying it out loud.
Jennifer.
Got to find that e-mail.
Phillipa.
I think I can access the trash.
Annabelle.
-I got it! Addie!
-Yes!
Yes! That's it! Addie!
I knew I'd get there.
"Dear Addie, you and I, we're like diamonds in the sky.
"You're a shooting star I see,
"a vision of ecstasy.
"Shine bright like a diamond."
And he used a high five, see?
I guess now we know why he trashed it.
Shade.
Guys, should we try this?
Addie.
Access granted.
Snap.
This place is amazing.
The cloud.
I can't believe it.
One little emoji could sure get lost in a place like this.
I guess we should make you a Meh
before that Bot comes back?
So, we're gonna... We're gonna do that now?
We had a deal.
Right?
Yeah, okay. Right.
I, guess I'll start hacking.
We did it, Gene.
All our dreams are coming true.
I'll be an Alex favorite again, and you'll be a real Meh.
Yeah!
Yeah, but this all seems kind of super-fast now, though.
Doesn't it?
Hi-5, I just didn't expect to be having these feelings right now.
Well, maybe you should go and express them while you still can.
So, I've been... I mean, um...
Ever since we...
Jailbreak, you're the coolest, most interesting emoji I've ever met.
And after all the adventures that we had,
I'm just not sure I want all that to go away,
because my feelings right now are, like, huge.
I just think that they could be enough for me to want to stay the way I am.
If it means I could stay here with you.
Like, forever.
Forever and ever and ever.
Maybe longer than that even.
Like in the fairy tales.
Like, what is "? Is that a good "?
Gene, if this is about you deciding not to be meh,
then I am all about that.
I like you just the way you are.
But I had a plan.
Right.
I'm not just some princess, Gene, waiting for my prince.
I mean, what you said was beautiful, but...
Gene.
You're all meh.
The source code worked!
Turns out I didn't need it.
For the first time in my life, meh is all I feel.
No! Gene!
Hi. I have an appointment. I'm a little early.
No problem. I can take you right now.
Jailbreak!
Don't do that!
That freaky huge Bot has got Gene back inside the phone.
What?
He left looking more meh than the meh-est meh face I've ever seen.
What did you say to him?
It's what I didn't say.
We've got to go get him.
How are we gonna get in there in time before he gets deleted?
I can't believe I'm doing this.
You tell anyone you saw this, and I'll crack more than those knuckles.
Birds do love princesses!
It's not a myth.
It's not a myth at all!
What happened to becoming a favorite?
Guess I'd rather have one real friend.
And let's go get him.
I can't wait to see the look on Gene's face!
Look at that expression.
Is that for realizing you've put all of Textopolis at risk,
causing Alex to question our reliability?
Hey, that's going too far, even for me.
If we can delete this malfunction before his appointment,
they'll discover there's nothing wrong with the phone.
Any last words?
Meh.
Well, it's too late for that.
Delete him!
Wait.
You delete Gene, you'll have to delete me, too.
I have the same malfunction Gene does.
Dad?
Gosh, I don't know what to do.
Yes, I do.
Bot!
No!
Sorry, Mrs. Meh.
I did not see that one coming.
Smiler, I think you might be making
too much stink out of all this.
Really? How about you're next?
I was wrong, Gene.
I should've believed in you all along.
What a touching daddy-son reunion moment.
It reminds me of the time I deleted you both.
Wait. That's this time!
Delete the two malfunctions!
No.
How's that for an...
Great.
I can't reach!
No! What did you do to my beautiful...
My tooth.
Hand, button.
Jailbreak?
Gene.
You really are a Meh.
What happened to looking out for number one?
Being number one doesn't matter
if there aren't any other numbers.
Alex's appointment!
He's deleting the phone!
No, no, no!
Show me Alex.
Are you sure you want to delete everything?
Do it.
Red alert! Red alert!
Alex, no!
Game over.
Fellas, I'm afraid this is last call.
Dude, Addie's here. You should go over.
Every time I try, I screw it up.
I don't know how to tell her how I feel.
If we help Alex connect to Addie, maybe he won't delete us.
I might be able to bypass the wipe and get a text through to him.
But we'll only have time to send one.
Maybe I should go.
He has love in his eyes.
Send me. Alex looks nervous, too.
He's more shy than nervous.
Stop!
It's Gene.
He's all of those things.
An emoji should only be one thing.
Really?
The Princess!
Linda!
Not now, Mom!
Gene, you got this.
That's not me anymore.
But I have to try.
It's starting!
No, it's ending!
I'm working on it.
Mom? Dad?
No.
I'm in.
Last time I was in this cube, I screwed everything up.
Gene, why do you think I came back?
It's because of you.
Me?
It's all inside of you, Gene.
Just try to bring it back.
And do you.
Hi-5!
I don't want to wave good-bye.
It's now or never, Gene.
Jailbreak, now!
Check out this emoji.
No way.
Hey, I got your text.
That's one super-cool emoji.
I know, right?
A lot of feelings in one. I get it.
I like that you're one of those guys
who can actually express his feelings.
Yeah. That's me.
So, do you think you'd want to...
Yes.
I'd love to go to the dance with you.
Hey, excuse me.
We made it!
I could've lost you, Peter Pinkie.
Or you, Reggie Ring Finger.
Even you, Tiberius Thumb.
Change your mind?
Yeah, maybe it's weird, but...
I'm gonna hold on to it.
Gene, you did it!
You saved us all!
Mel.
Gene! Gene!
Gene! Gene! Gene!
Gene. Gene. Gene.
Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene!
Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene!
They love us! And Hi-5!
And Hi-5! And Hi-5! And Hi-5!
They love both of us!
Hey, what up, Gene? Slap me some skin.
And a little porridge for the pinkie.
Hey, Hi-5, save me a dance for later.
As long as you're not all hands again.
Back on top of the hand pile.
You're not on the list.
-Wait, what?
-What's going on?
From now on, everyone is welcome!
Wait, what is all this?
It's for you, Gene.
Everybody, the Emoji Pop!
This is jazzy.
Yeah.
Go, Eggplant! Go, Eggplant! Go, Eggplant!
We are out of Alex's pocket, emojis.
This is not a butt dial.
To your cubes.
-Are we up and running?
-Roger that.
Good, 'cause we got incoming. Looks like it's gonna be Gene.
Hey, Gene, ready to try out your new cube?
In three, two...


Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=the-emoji-movie