4:00 Helpful vs not-so-helpful peer review comments by Dawn Hubbell-Staeble

Student writing 1

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:26:18 UTC

"Social media is bad for society. It causes many problems and affects people negatively. Everyone uses it too much and it's becoming a real issue."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:27:43 UTC

"I think your thesis is interesting! Social media is definitely something worth writing about."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:28:09 UTC

"Your thesis covers an important topic, but it's pretty broad. Maybe try to focus on one specific aspect of social media's impact."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:31:32 UTC

"This thesis is terrible and makes no sense. You clearly don't understand how to write. Maybe try a different topic since you obviously can't handle this one."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:31:48 UTC

"Your thesis is perfect as is! Don't change anything - social media really is just universally bad and everyone knows that. You don't need to be more specific because it's obvious."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:32:04 UTC

"I think your thesis is interesting! Social media is definitely something worth writing about."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:33:28 UTC

"College tuition has increased dramatically over the past decade. This is obviously due to greedy administrators who only care about profit. All universities are just businesses now, and students suffer as a result."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:34:28 UTC

"You're absolutely right that all administrators are greedy! You should add more angry language to really drive the point home. Maybe call them criminals too."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:34:43 UTC

"You make a good point about tuition increases, but you might want to back up your claims with some evidence or statistics."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:35:00 UTC

"Your whole argument is just whining and complaining. You sound like an entitled kid who doesn't understand how the real world works."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:35:26 UTC

"I totally agree with you! Tuition is way too expensive these days."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:35:43 UTC

"While tuition increases are real, your explanation relies on assumptions without evidence. Research actual data on tuition trends and explore multiple factors (state funding cuts, facility improvements, student services expansion). Replace 'obviously due to greedy administrators' with specific evidence about budget allocation or administrative costs versus educational spending."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:37:06 UTC

Student Writing: "Climate change is super scary and it's gonna mess up our planet big time. Scientists are freaking out about it and basically we're all doomed if we don't fix this ASAP."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:37:35 UTC

"This is embarrassing. You write like you're texting your friends. College isn't high school - grow up and learn proper English."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:38:19 UTC

"Your casual language makes the essay more relatable and accessible. Keep it exactly like this - formal academic writing is outdated and boring anyway."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:38:32 UTC

"Your passion for this topic really comes through! Climate change is definitely urgent."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:38:45 UTC

You clearly care about climate change, but the language here is pretty casual for an academic essay. Try to make it more formal."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:41:14 UTC

"Replace informal expressions with academic language: 'super scary' → 'poses significant threats,' 'gonna mess up' → 'will severely impact,' 'freaking out' → 'express urgent concern,' 'big time' → 'substantially.' Also, replace 'basically we're all doomed' with specific consequences backed by scientific consensus."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:42:24 UTC

"Online learning has benefits for students. It offers flexibility for working adults. Traditional classroom learning provides face-to-face interaction. Students can ask questions immediately."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:43:12 UTC

"This paragraph is a mess. It's like you just threw random sentences together without any thought. Did you even try?"

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:43:24 UTC

"This flows perfectly! The choppy sentences create a nice staccato rhythm that keeps readers engaged. Don't change anything about the structure."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:43:35 UTC

"You bring up good points about both online and traditional learning!"

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:43:48 UTC

"These are valid points, but the sentences feel disconnected. Try adding some transitions to connect your ideas better."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:44:02 UTC

"Add transitional phrases to show relationships between ideas: 'While online learning offers flexibility for working adults, traditional classroom learning provides immediate face-to-face interaction that allows students to ask questions in real-time.' This creates flow and shows you're comparing two approaches rather than listing disconnected facts."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:45:17 UTC

"Video games cause violence in teenagers. A study showed this. Another researcher found similar results. Therefore, video games should be banned."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:46:00 UTC

"Your evidence is garbage. You're just making things up. This isn't research, it's just lazy writing that proves you don't belong in college."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:46:13 UTC

"You found some research to support your point, which is great!"

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:46:28 UTC

"It's good that you're using sources, but you should probably explain what the studies actually found and who conducted them."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:46:48 UTC

"Integrate your evidence more thoroughly: identify the researchers, sample sizes, methodology, and specific findings. For example: 'Dr. Smith's 2019 longitudinal study of 500 adolescents found a correlation between...' Also, address counterarguments and consider whether correlation implies causation. The jump from 'studies show correlation' to 'should be banned' needs intermediate reasoning steps."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:47:05 UTC

"Studies and research are overrated. Your common sense argument is much stronger than any academic source could be. Trust your instincts over so-called experts."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:53:10 UTC

"Social media affects mental health. Social media creates unrealistic expectations. Social media reduces face-to-face communication. Social media causes anxiety and depression."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:53:48 UTC

"This is so boring and repetitive I almost fell asleep. You have zero creativity and your writing puts people to sleep. Learn some variety."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:54:03 UTC

"The repetition here is actually a brilliant rhetorical device called anaphora! It's just like Martin Luther King Jr.'s 'I Have a Dream' speech. Keep it exactly as is for maximum impact."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:54:15 UTC

"You cover all the important ways social media impacts mental health!"

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:54:31 UTC

"You have good points about social media, but the sentence structure gets repetitive. Try varying how you start your sentences."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:55:05 UTC

"Vary your sentence openings and combine related ideas: 'Social media affects mental health by creating unrealistic expectations and reducing face-to-face communication. These changes in social interaction patterns contribute to increased anxiety and depression among users.' This eliminates the repetitive 'Social media...' pattern while maintaining your key points."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:56:22 UTC

"The new policy will hurt students financially. Tuition will increase by 15% next year. This is unfair and unreasonable."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:57:05 UTC

"This makes no sense because you haven't explained anything. You're assuming readers are mind readers. This is sloppy, lazy writing."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:57:17 UTC

"Mystery and ambiguity make writing more engaging! Readers love to figure things out for themselves, so don't give them too much information upfront."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:57:35 UTC

"That does sound like a big tuition increase! I can see why you're concerned."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:57:47 UTC

"Your concern about tuition increases is valid, but readers might need more background about what policy you're referring to."

dhubbel — 2025-09-15 17:58:01 UTC

Provide context in your opening: 'The university's new infrastructure improvement policy will increase tuition by 15% next year, creating financial hardship for students.' Then explain what the policy entails, why the increase is happening, and compare this rate to historical increases or other institutions to demonstrate why it's 'unfair and unreasonable.'"