Gosto de pensar que, por mais que os conteúdos nesta estejam eternizados pela tinta da impressora que tornara fixas minhas palavras, elas ainda têm o poder de se transformarem – da mesma forma que foram digitadas uma a uma pelas minhas próprias e saltitantes mãos. Fruto da parte mais curiosa de meu corpo, e, portanto, a que já percorreu (e percorrerá) por inúmeros lugares. Palavras que voam e dançam como meus dedos pelo teclado, e que ainda terão muito a se “ressignificarem”.
(...)

Ser capaz de dividir as alegrias com os outros

Porque este é o brilho da vida,

Um sobe-e-desce de amor

Que só é capaz de manter-se no topo

Quando é construído com várias mãos.

Nem a todo tempo alto,

Mas que com apoio

Nunca cai no chão.

 

“Por isto lhe digo, minha filha: A vida é gangorra”.

- I’m curious about the uncomfortable, unreleased or obscure parts of human interactions - what’s left unseen or unspoken

- Since the end of pt 1, I found myself creating paths towards topics that relate to these themes, such as the relations of time/replacement and life cycles along a collective reality (material, physical world). I even used analog photography as a matter of time passage, as technology changes. 

- Now, I could relate these social/tech circumstances like a mere scientific process of matter’s evolution, removing the human being from the “podium of world’s chain” as it’s seen

- That’s why I thought about chemical cycles and renovation towards all beings and energies existing here. And how they all connect in different ways of function gears creating pieces of a bigger engine that is Earth and Nature.

- Over a theoretical level, I relate some concepts to Quantum Physics and energy’s power above all human interactions, political and economical visions that seem to rule our existence

- Quantum Physics is a calculum of possibilities, where individual consciousness is then a fundamental topic of consideration and deviancy

- I could make a bridge towards my own life assuming that past can also be a field of possibility, change and consideration. And also how all my decisions in the past affect where and how I am today.

- Reevaluating uncomfortable situations is also reevaluating comfort, which is normally what we get used to. The oppositions between usual and extreme, or disgrace and gratitude for example. They can involve several different experiences for all human beings, and to bring those (seen as) negative feelings is when we actually face change, or a cycle. All beings are put into “positive” and “negative” situations as matter of evolution - individual or collectively.

I want to incorporate these conversations into my Project Proposal’s Concept,  since they are also a view of how I ser and question life. Furthermore, besides a personal view, there’s a concept that can be broadly and collectively applicable - colleagues of mine were also interested in those views, which may confirm that they are relatable and open up a field of thought for a Project.

It was easy to list all the areas of my interest for a Concept development, but hard to incorporate and unite them all in one text. That’s what I realized after sending the first edition, as a draft. Finding artists that speak about some of those relations was difficult too - I had to select concepts individually to visualize separate parts and ideas that I initially wanted to make as a whole.

The tutors perceived that as well, since since the reference works on the briefing don’t reveal a lot of hints about what exactly my Project is. Considering that, I began talking to them again about the draft, deciding to sum up informations a bit more and write the concept in a general way, to open up possibilities instead of pointing strict scenarios in such an early stage. For the final submission then, I had to change the structure and order of my Concept text entirely, to first expose the ideas I had to finish the conclusion with more solid references as materials and the actual concept. Even though it got better and more comprehensible, it’s still hard to see how am I going to incorporate all the areas I mention. As the project goes by, I see that I need more brainstorming to select with more aptitude some of the concepts, because all of them won’t be so possible.

At first I thought there would be more pros than cons, since even though the contextualization is complex, it merges everything I would like to propose/work with. Doing the list, I realized that for every con I had a pro - which is not a bad signal, meaning I can play with solutions and problem solving for every topic I wrote. The main concern was my desire of using a physical space to create the work, as I planned to make an immersive installation/space along with the need to curate ideas a bit more. Too many topics where at first a ‘mind blowing’ feeling, but now that I actually have to make them tactile, felt, seen, it’s revealing to be a lot of information. 

I realized the problem is not with the themes, but on how I should approach them. Refining ideas and paths are now my goal. I will keep doing a broad research until the next two weeks, so after going through many places I can decide where I fit best. 

Instead of making something strictly related to my project, I decided to use part of my mental state to make a small sculpture (which actually was a missing point from the task - I missed the installation criteria) that ironically incorporated our government’s current situation, specifically the “president”. I wrapped a rock around a transparent silky bag with a yellow ribbon and green feathers as a gift bag decor. 

The outside materials representing a certain “tropical beauty” traditionally related to our country, as well as the flag’s colors. Which far right politicians are using to propagate a blind nationalism in their campaigns and public speeches - the Brazilian badge, flag and colors that is the traditional costume of its supporters. Inside although, there is this rock  that is just what it is. You just see it and there’s no surprise - a rock can do no other think than just being a rock, which breaks all the fancy-gift expectations. I consider that the rock is our president. The color palette from the piece also matches its site, which is a blue rag on my living room. They all combine into a clear criticism over our current situation. 

Watching the news and listening Bolsonaro’s indulgent comments over the alarming pandemics situation makes me anxious, angry, speechless. Which are feelings that no one would desire, but are the ones leading us. I put those into objects and I believe they spoke to and for me. It is comic, sad but it was a relief to externalize.
Also, I named it “País Pavão”.

I was looking more into pictures that aesthetically combine instead of contextualization, more like a collage nonsense ness. That doesn’t bothers me - I know that I need to see things with their design as well, and what they visually ask for. I enjoyed a lot the app we used to do (Snapseed), and even played with it a few times besides doing the tasks asked. For one of them, I made a double exposure face closeup from a previous part 2 project (moving image) and used an old picture also closeup from my face, placing it upside down from the first one and making this dark inside confusion. I like how it also mixes my feelings with my project somehow, with the ying-yan sorta idea - the first face is uncomfortable, with a “caged” expression while the other is calm and on B&W. 

Luckily, last night I was scrolling to my instagram’s art account and saw a new post from this artist I really love - Stefan Visan. He uses some dark or obscure aesthetics with a very clean setup, mostly a white background. Many of his posts are with collages, candles and blood-like ink. 

I did a few videos trying to remake the blood ones, using ink, ice, ribbon and feathers. It was very satisfying to explore those materials and “replay” his aesthetics in a way. It reminds me of death, fragility and raw biology. The spilling blood over the materials is fun to do and the videos on time lapse too. To make the plain white background, I just used some white clean paper and a plate on my bathroom, which is also white. 

He was a sadhu (sacred indian man) from hindu’s Aghoris, a sect of this religion that worships Shiva and seeks for enlighten on the darkest places. This particular phrase - “They believe that all opposites are illusory” opened my eyes for conceptual progress. Their philosophy is Monist, which stands for no judge of good and bad (so any binary opposition) since there is a bigger Universal force that is above those created concepts and taboos from society - “The Third Substace”, equal to the Father-Son-Holy Spirit. 

This concept integrates almost ironically my project’s purpose, which made me thinks wider into what I really mean with oppositions. As I first intended, they are actually one and even if conceptually separated, one nurtures the other. It was very abstract for me to put those words in the beginning of part 3, but now with this discovery I’m happy to find a concept that actually exists and speaks the same.

I made an assemblage using “spiritual” materials, mining natural matter that suggest religiousness and occultism somehow. I chose crystals, rocks, leaves and shells to make an open mouth. The idea of this body part came first of all to a dream I had the other night where my teeth where falling. Mixing it with the Hindu research of some gods and specially Kali, the goddess of darkness/destruction, who is pictured with a wide open feline, angry mouth. She is a big sacred symbol as Universe’s behavior, powerful enough to dissolve all ego - bringing the End.