I am a 30-year-old guy and I am really lonely. I was born in Iran and was raised in a conservative family and society. I went to university there and graduated with a master’s degree in English language studies. I am now at university in Germany, but I am not able to make friends with girls. I have no proper job, no future and not even a friend. I tried online dating sites; they don’t work. What is wrong with me? I even think of ending my life. I do not have any future going back to a country which does not accept me when I do not believe in Islam.


ANSWER

Hello
Regarding your case that says your family is conservative in Tehran, it must be difficult to live under social dictates that do not allow you to progress, so I think it is not the best option to return to your family, where you have to live under rules, and with strict control.

in the letter, loneliness is not the best help, you comment that you are alone, it is possible that no, I want to tell you that you are not alone. There are thousands of people who ask the same question every day. So there are different ways to get friends I think I could write to solitary people online, the neighborhood where you live, that would help you, if you do not have an adequate job, do not worry you should start looking for other work options, such as on the Internet, looking for work in colleges, universities and you can because you have a master's degree and that's in your favor, and the best way to take advantage of that is to find something you like, and improve on it until you're really good.

I must tell you that you are very brave to leave your country and leave your family and everything, but any great success requires some sacrifice or suffering to reach the goal. Good things do not happen overnight, you must be patient, you have to be patient and positive.

Do not forget you have the power to change your life, since you took the first step You are strong and there is a better future.

Thank's. 

I am 38, happily married with two children and have a job I enjoy. However I have found myself plagued by anxiety about friendships and feelings of loneliness. Since having children I seem to have been on a roller-coaster of friendships. As our lives have evolved, people have drifted away. I now feel I am left with acquaintances (mainly school mums) rather than actual friends. I find WhatsApp groups stressful and can’t go on Facebook, as I feel jealous when I see events where I haven’t been included. Some of my pre-children friends remain, but busy lives and distance mean I only see them a couple of times a year. I’ve given up on phone calls, as people only seem to want to text! I just don’t know how I can get out of this spiralling anxious mindset. Will it improve when my children are older, or without play dates will my social life dry up altogether?

ANSWER.

I believe that you have many conflicting thoughts; you and your family should take a trip, to change your routine so that you can get rid of those feelings of loneliness.  I think that the people that you say that move away must be because each one of them has commitments with their jobs, with their families.

You must understand the people; we all have many responsibilities, at work, with family, and with society. According to social networks, many people are unemployed and live submerged in them. I think that the events that they have and that did not include you, should be because you are very busy and do not have time to participate in them.

You must keep in mind that the friends who you remember, have their lives organized with their families, their jobs and the life of singles, is very different from now, you must be aware of the performance of each of them, as you also have your life organized with your family.

You must concentrate on having a family for which you have responsibilities, duties are the only ones who you have with them, and your family is the only thing you have. You must take advantage of your family, which is the only thing you will not lose.

You should keep in mind that friends are not for life, but your family is. You have to live to the fullest with your family, always take advantage of it, play with your children, walk with them, so many things you can do and live with your family.

Cordially,

I have a 23-year-old daughter. Her mother and I split up when she was seven due to her mother’s infidelity. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. My daughter didn’t have a “proper” boyfriend until she was in her late teens. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her. It transpires he’s 48! He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is 46. I am 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner. How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.


ANSWER.

Dear friend,

 First of all, you have to take a breath and calm down, then organize your ideas about what do you want to talk with your daughter, because your daughter needs good advices and not to talk with a desperate person, you will not get anything, I assure you.

 Secondly organize and find a suitable place to talk with your daughter, you should not be rough with her, give her the opportunity to speak and you have to listen the reasons why she wants to go live with that boyfriend.

 I would like to advise you to listen her, take some time to advise her, be very objective because she is your daughter, but she is already a woman of legal age; and as terrible as it seems that life is unpredictable and if she is already in love to go and live with her boyfriend, it will be because that man has known how to conquer his heart.

 On the other hand, it could be just a passing whim and after a while she may realize that it was not what she expected; It is one thing to be someone's girlfriend and another thing to be his wife; you should know more than anyone because you have experience with her mother, if not because you separated from your previous wife.

  And last but not least, do not be embarrassed in front of your friends, for they are the ones who come to make fun of you; who has no sins that throws the first stone; If you really consider them your true friends they will know how to advise you and respect your family and private life.

I’m 22, single and very romantic, yet I can’t relate to women. I grew up with a womanizing father and ever since I can remember he has made comments about women and sex. No man in my family has ever achieved true love and they have all had multiple sex partners and lovers, betraying the confidence of wives and long-term girlfriends. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my uncle and my father share this and some of me thinks that I can’t fight it, that I will become the same. But I struggle. I just can’t talk to women; I can’t play charming around them even when I have a good relationship with them in spaces such as work or college. I have “female friends”, but I can’t break the confidence they have in me by playing the love card. So I’m often the friend of the women I like. My entire romantic concept has been built by culture, by movies like Gone with the Wind or Doctor Zhivago, books like A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bells Tolls and long sessions of the Smiths or the Cure.

ANSWER.

Good afternoon, dear.

It is a pleasure to communicate with you again and know that you are healthy as well as your family.

Thank you for your sincerity.

As people and as humans at some point in our existence we must make decisions, decisions that change the fate of our lives and it is exactly what you are doing.

You are a good boy, you are brave, loving and romantic, and everything a woman expects from a man, you must start to create a warm environment in which you can be comfortable, where you can express yourself freely. To have confidence and security and to think about what kind of relationship you want, you must be clear what kind of relationship you want and that is stable instead of looking for many girls and continue feeling alone. Building a couple relationship is not easy and more if you are looking to reach a couple's life or a marriage.

I will support you in everything, I will help you and I will give you advice on the relationship of couple if you really want a firm relationship. With it you will not inherit the love life of your family.

Life in stable couple and family brings a lot of benefits to your life, that's why I'm absolutely sure.

We are all different and our choices mark our lives as people, you are one step away from making history in your family.

God bless you, see you soon.

I’m a 16-year-old student harbouring ardent feelings for a teacher. She’s an absolutely wonderful (in my view, angelic) human being, who seems utterly devoted to what she does and is terribly cordial to us students. It is out of awe for her personality, and gratitude for how she’s made a mark in my life, that I feel so attached to her. She’s in her late 20s, I suppose, but I feel she could be 18. My feelings are not sexual, but my social circles make barely any room for this possibility. I can find little solace in my friends for fear that they’d mock me because she’s not considered a looker. I feel an urge to tell her how amazing and adored she is, but fear she’ll be threatened or affronted, or that she’ll feel pained for me and not know how to respond


ANSWER.

hello there!
Thank you for sharing your problem with me. I would like to let you know that you are not the first person that fell in love with a teacher; it is common when we are in high school or college and maybe you feel that way because she is nice and helps you, so I will give you my advice. 

The first thing that you need to do is talk to her and know more about her; because you just know the teacher, but you don't know the person. You should take you time to know more about her; see if you really like her or you think you like her. you would know if you take your time and see carefully; you need to be able to see the good things about her, but also you should find things that maybe you did not expect. 

So, if after doing that, you still think that you love her; here is my advice: If I were you, I will go and tell her that she is awesome and nice, that I think she is a really great person and everything that you think about her, but you shouldn't tell her that you love her, just give her a clue about it, (you/she can get in trouble if you do it) and then you will see her  response, according to how she acts you will know if she is feeling pained for you or maybe she also thinks that you are a great guy. 

But the other option and I'm sorry to said this, is that she is thinking of you like a sweet student and a kid so you need to think about this as well, but we need to take it in count that she is not only your teacher and that is her job so she must be a professional, that mean that relationship between teacher and student can be a problem for her so if this is the case, just let It go, that happens and is all right. It is nothing wrong, you shouldn't feel ashamed; you will find someone that loves you. 

Thank you for your time and I hope that my answer will solve your problem, I know you will be able to find the best solution.