Feedback practice by

2025-04-12 23:41:31 UTC

The switch, in the questions, from first-person to third-person felt choppy. It cut the flow of the writing.

2025-04-12 23:43:37 UTC

The incorporation of the quotes were nicely done. It added more to the whole story.

2025-04-12 23:43:48 UTC

a) very comprehensive and well written and nothing needs to be changed

b) no the overall quality and execution was lovely and it doesn’t require further editing

c) maybe adding more specific details would help show a better connection but besides that it looks and sounds great!!

2025-04-12 23:44:35 UTC

I really like your story, I think it would be interesting to add how these experiences have shaped your interviewee into the person they are today.

2025-04-12 23:45:04 UTC

1) I think when the dialouge is in first person, use quotation marks to separate your words from your sister's.

2) The format of the interview is confusing. I ended up reading Question 3 first rather than Question 2. It isn't a huge problem, but I would either not number the questions or change the format such that it is read from left to right chronologically.

3) Perhaps have your sister share more personal experiences?

2025-04-12 23:45:41 UTC

a) it goes over the importance of how model minority affects their own perspective of life, which i find very interesting.

b) it really shows how not only east asians go through the challenges of being asian american.

2025-04-12 23:46:03 UTC

The photos of the interviewer and interviewee helps add a personal touch to the story and makes it more real to the reader.

2025-04-12 23:46:06 UTC

I feel like they should indicate when they switch from the interviewee's words to their own

story 1

2025-04-12 23:46:07 UTC

This was really good, I liked how you incorporated powerful quotes into the magazine in big and bold letters.

2025-04-12 23:46:33 UTC

The pictures and quotes really bring the story to life and highlight important points

2025-04-12 23:46:46 UTC

Switching from first person to third person felt a bit confusing-even though I get the overall idea the interviewer and interviewee are conveying about identity, the transitioning wasn’t the easiest to follow.

2025-04-12 23:46:47 UTC

I think the quotes that are highlighted from the interview are very powerful and well-chosen

I also liked the introduction, it establishes the meaning of the interview well

2025-04-12 23:47:44 UTC

1) I absolutely love the photos in the newspaper! The aesthetic is very pleasing to look at.

2) I love reading about your sister learning to accept her identities. It is interesting to see how Rasha experiences challenges and finds her own way to resolve it!

2025-04-12 23:47:59 UTC

The quotes were really impactful and especially relevant to what the story was highlighting.

2025-04-12 23:48:05 UTC

i think the transition from introduction to the first question was kind of abrupt. There is no indication of what will happen after the person introduces their interviewee. You can tell from the way it's structured but I think there could be a small blurb that says these are the responses i got from her or just something that does well in transitioning smoothly

story 1

2025-04-12 23:48:21 UTC

I think keeping everything in either first person or third person point of view would make the story flow better. Or specifying using quotation marks what your interviewee said in first person, versus what you say in third person

2025-04-12 23:48:52 UTC

I liked the style incorporated; it felt pretty personalized and unique to the person’s story and definitely gave me a clear message about having dual identities. The formatting was also pretty good, as we can see what the questions are and the quotes said by the interviewee.

2025-04-12 23:49:24 UTC

You might be overusing the em dash a little bit where it could be replaced by a colon or period.

2025-04-12 23:49:57 UTC

a.) Overall their project is pretty smooth to read. But some Q&A sections can be refined a little more to properly make the switch from first-person to third-person.

b.) In Q4, the writer could explain what the model minority stereotype is even further to give context to any people who might not know what it is yet.

2025-04-12 23:50:00 UTC

I really like the quotes that were included in between her responses and also the pictures. I think it emphasizes the relationship the interviewer has with the interviewee and it made clear at the very beginning of the project as well

2025-04-12 23:50:34 UTC

The inconsistency in text alignment may not be favorable, but it is easily fixable

I think the switch to third person, commenting on your interviewee's responses can enrich the interview, but the story may benefit from a clearer distinction from your interviewee's response to your comments

I also wonder if you would like to share more insight into what this interview with your sister has affected you, whether you learned something new about your sister, yourself, what this means for the future, and such

2025-04-12 23:50:47 UTC

I love the way the interview was formatted and accompanied with images to give us more connection to the interviewee.

2025-04-12 23:50:57 UTC

Q5 is worded a little confusing when talking about the hopes and dreams of the AAPI community

2025-04-12 23:54:26 UTC

Maybe keep the story in either first person or third person or add some transition between the interview and the elaboration.

2025-04-13 00:01:17 UTC

I really loved reading this story, you turned your interviewee's lived experiences into a meaningful and articulate story.

2025-04-13 00:03:51 UTC

The story flowed very nicely and kept me hooked in the narrative style of writing.

2025-04-13 00:04:39 UTC

What the person wrote is pretty cool. The fact that she talked about her backstory, her upbringing, her values and beliefs, it made the story feel interesting and pretty engaging. Also, she incorporated a lot of ideas talked about in AYCAN, so she does also bring awareness to the issues faced today by AAPI.

2025-04-13 00:05:08 UTC

I was a little confused if this was from your interviewee's perspective or your own's but other than that this piece was great.

2025-04-13 00:05:09 UTC

I notice quite a few grammatical errors such as spacing and wording. There is also awkward wording in some places

2025-04-13 00:05:51 UTC

I felt like we could've maybe heard a little more about the interviewers

2025-04-13 00:05:51 UTC

1) There are some parts that have grammatical error such as "disconnect" in page 1. "Disconnect" is more of a verb, so using "disconnection" is a better choice. There are other areas that also used unnecessary dashes and make the sentence more run-on, so try splitting up large sentences into smaller ones.

2) I think the paragraph between page 2 and 3 can be split up into two paragraphs starting from "In the future" because I find the ideas to be slightly different.

3) Maybe talk more about the boyfriend? He is only briefly mentioned in the intro

2025-04-13 00:07:27 UTC

I loved how you incorporated your experiences as well as your parents'. It helps emphasize the desire to change the treatment of the AAPI community more! It was very entertaining to read your essay because it is simple and concise.

2025-04-13 00:08:01 UTC

There are some instances where being descriptive makes the sentence read a little weirder than it has to. By making these sentences shorter and more concise, it'll spread the idea the same way and me much smoother to read.

2025-04-13 00:08:25 UTC

I know this is supposed to be an interview project, so I was kind of confused that the person didn’t really have a person to interview. It was unique that she talked about her backstory and her AAPI identity, but it was more about what she experiences now, I guess?

2025-04-13 00:09:00 UTC

its quite powerful and interesting

2025-04-13 00:09:02 UTC

dope connections and callbacks to past lessons we've had! I love the way you connected ideas and explained them thoroughly to really help the reader understand what your trying to say.

2025-04-13 00:09:54 UTC

Maybe add more focus on the interview part of the project and the interviewee's experiences.

2025-04-13 00:12:24 UTC

i think this is a powerful narrative and the way she worded particular things really resonated with me. I love that she noted her various identities and how she often feels conflicted. It felt like reading the raw version of a person and I think it does well in showing how thousands of Asian Americans struggle to navigate their identities