Joseph S. Peer Feedback 2022 - 2023 by Joseph Salamanca https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2022-10-21 17:28:13 UTC 2023-06-14 22:44:46 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/26bd.png Anwesha Pansare https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2353872938 A huge strength in your memoir is the amount of inner thoughts that you used. Like when you said, “Make this go in.” I realized that you were putting pressure on yourself and I understood the amount of pressure that was on you. Additionally, I knew that you were in a game from the start and slowly started to understand that it was a soccer game. The ability to do this is really hard and you did display the setting really well. One wish is that you would add more small actions, because I had trouble picturing what you looked like and what you were doing. Small moments really do make big differences.


]]> 2022-10-24 15:49:52 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2353872938 Jacob Dankin https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2354078471 Something from your memoir I really liked was the little details like the mud and elements which is something I didn’t think of but it makes your story very good. I also like all the suspense and build up to you shooting but I wish I knew if it was a pk or not even though I think you’ve told me it was pk when you told told me the story.  I really like the description of the net too. One wish I had was that you included more of the setting and I can’t think of anything else I haven’t mentioned. ]]> 2022-10-24 17:45:16 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2354078471 Evan K 29ekeane https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2355510839 A great part of your memoir was how you said what was happening for most senses. You talked about what you heard, what you saw and how you felt. Such as when you talked about the mud under your shoes and your parents yelling and cheering. I also liked the way you explained how excited you were. I noticed this when you showed how you ran into your parents hands excited and how you felt receiving the metal. My only wish is for you too add slightly more detail to what was happening such as what were your parents cheering to you about, why was the squishies of the mud uncomfterble, and how did the metal look but other then that this memoir was great]]> 2022-10-25 14:04:33 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2355510839 Anwesha Pansare re-written 29apansare https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2355687899 A huge strength in your memoir is the amount of inner thoughts that you used. Like when you said, “Make this go in.” I realized that you were putting pressure on yourself and I understood the amount of pressure that was on you. Additionally, I knew that you were in a game from the start and slowly started to understand that it was a soccer game. You created the suspense. And used show not tell with key words such as kick, ball, and goal. The ability to do this is really hard and you did display the setting really well. One wish is that you would add more small actions, because I had trouble picturing what you looked like and what you were doing. Small moments really do make big differences. If you had put in what you were wearing or what was going on in the field outside, I would have really been able to picture it correctly. However, other than this your piece was phenomenal and I enjoyed reading it.

  
]]> 2022-10-25 15:38:50 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2355687899 Ben Halpern 29bhalpern https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2355901627 I really liked how in your inner thoughts you repeated the same message. It gave me the sense that you were scared the shot would not go in. I liked how you were thinking to yourself in the end did the ball go in even though you saw it go in.I also liked how you really slowed the moment down a lot. When you slowed it down you were able to put a ton of detail in. I really liked how when the ball was in the air you slowed it down a lot. I could see the ball soaring through the air and then go into the net. Something that I would like to have seen is if you mentioned you were playing soccer. Also is this an important game? Are you kicking penalties? I would have liked you to give me more of a hint. I think that the memoir was good overall.]]> 2022-10-25 17:41:10 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2355901627 Rosalie Lourenco 29rlourenco https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2357723867 One strength in your memoir was your inner thoughts. I think it made it clear what was going through your mind at that moment. Another strength in your memoir was your figurative language. I think it made it easy to see and feel what was happening and what you felt. One suggestion for your memoir would be to make it clearer at what time this moment was.]]> 2022-10-26 17:35:52 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2357723867 JaCoB dAnKiN 🇺🇸⚽️🇺🇸⚽️🥇🇺🇸🥇🇺🇸 https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2405596548 Something I really like from your story is the colors you used describing your story because they gave me a good pov of your surroundings and it was good figurative language. I also liked when you included S.T.E.A.L. Because you could tell it was there and it really blended the story when you used it. One wish I did have however was you repeated a lot and you also had the and disease (used a lot of “ands”) in some parts of your story which I felt took away from description and the different perspectives of your character. Overall great story!]]> 2022-12-01 18:40:01 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2405596548 Anaya Sandhu 29ansandhu https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2434817446 Hi Joseph, great job on your paragraph. One star I have for you is that I liked how you used very powerful words. That made your paragraph very persuasive. Another star for you is that your anecdote was very easy to visualize. I could definitely visualize a mansion with an athlete sitting in it. Finally, a wish I have for you is that I think you could have strengthened your sum up sentence. Other than that, great job!   ]]> 2023-01-05 15:49:18 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2434817446 Russell colville https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2434876742 I liked how u used specoofic info has qeen slay]]> 2023-01-05 16:42:37 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2434876742 Anaya Sandhu 29ansandhu https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2486502490 Hi Joseph! Great job on your essay! One star I have for your essay is I liked the onomatopoeia you used. When you used onomatopoeia to add buzzer sounds and the mailbox shutting. This figurative language really made me feel like a was actually hearing the sounds, and really enhanced your essay. Another star I have for your essay is that I liked how you used a quote from the GOAT of soccer (Christiano Ronaldo) for your zinger. This made your essay really powerful because the quotes was from a very successful soccer player, who is very well known. So that makes your essay very powerful. Finally, a wish I have for your essay is that I think you could have added more details to your introduction paragraph and anecdotes. It can be hard to follow along to the scenarios because they are moving along very fast, so try using some more details to slow them down. By doing this, it will also be easier to visualize your scenario. Other than that, great job! ]]> 2023-02-17 16:00:49 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2486502490 Jacob Dankin ⚽️🇵🇹⚽️🇵🇹⚽️ https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2486678209 Hi Joseph 😃, one star I had for you was that you had very good anecdotes and hooks. I really liked how you made it feel like the reader was in the moment and was a fan in the crowd or in the eyes of the main character. It was really skillful and perfection how you blended  the setting expressions and excitement into the story, plus the extra detail of the examples of the claim shown by the character and the other separate sport anecdote was fascinating. Another star, I had for you was your zinger. The short zinger was placed and used to perfection in the conclusion, it was the exact quote needed. That one sentence pieced together the last piece of your story perfectly, and I think that it is a more then a end in fact I think it sends a message to the reader about what you want them to gain from your story. If I could I would be out there fighting for faction because of the way you ended it with the zinger. Overall I couldn’t find ANYTHING wrong with your story. I liked it so much I read it twice. Good job!]]> 2023-02-17 18:48:10 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2486678209 Story 29tprizgar https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2489928489 Caio, Joseph, One of the best parts of your essay “Why Sports Should Be Allowed In All Communities” in my opinion is the zinger from Ronaldo. He’s famous so when you use it at the end, soccer fans will start to learn how important it is for kids and adults to play games like soccer. Something else I enjoyed was your last fees paragraph because it focused on the next generation's future. Parents could help in letting kids play sports because most parents want their children to have good, successful lives. However in your conclusion you could work on telling why it is important. I really didn’t feel why it was so different to be playing sports. You might want to mention a little bit more about why the actual activities are better instead of what else could be happening.]]> 2023-02-21 16:05:34 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2489928489 Anaya 29ansandhu https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2494043081 Hi Joseph. Good job on your timed essay. One star for your timed essay is I liked how you used lots of descriptive details in your anecdotes. It made the scenario easy to visualize. The descriptive details in the hook really made me feel sad for turtle. Secondly, I liked how you used very effective transitions and varied them out. That also made your story flow very smoothly and connected your ideas. It made the different components of your essay fit together better. Finally, a wish I have for your essay is that I think you could have made your “go to the heart” more powerful by adding more description of animals, but otherwise - good job!]]> 2023-02-24 15:44:26 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2494043081 Anaya 29ansandhu https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2523721891 Hi Joseph! Good job on your theme analysis paragraph. One strength of your paragraph is how you used great word choice. Instead of using words like “bad,” you used “preposterous.” This word choice really strengthened your piece and brought lots of emotion. Secondly, another strength of your paragraph is how you used very strong and varied transitions. This really strengthens your piece because it helps your ideas connect better and helps your piece flow. Finally, a wish I have for your piece is I wish that you were more specific with your first piece of evidence. I think you could add some of the boy’s specific actions. Other than that, good job!   ]]> 2023-03-20 14:52:49 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2523721891 29cfriends https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2524026834 I think that you claim sentence was very powerful. Your Word choice definitely made it sound like you new what you were doing. II also think that your first explanation paragraph was amazing.but I do think that you should lengthen your  sum up a little so that your conclusion doesn’t get completely outshined by your claim]]> 2023-03-20 17:46:04 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2524026834 Anwesha Pansare https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2525635554 Hi Joseph! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “The Unusual Gift” is the sum-up sentence. It has strong vocabulary and has a strong theme. I especially enjoyed it when it stated, “Extraordinarily undeniable theme.” Additionally, I also liked the transition words you used. They made sense and had high vocabulary. I especially enjoyed the transitions, “To further explain” and “Undoubtedly.” However, one suggestion I can offer  is to vary your word choice for the word Evidently. You used it twice in your paragraph. Instead you could say ostensibly. Other than that, great job!]]> 2023-03-21 15:44:20 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2525635554 Evan Keane 29ekeane https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533188180 In your essay one star was how you had lots of excitement at lots of times you has lots of emotion such as when you said “which happen EVERY DAY.” Another star is that you had powerful word choice such as fiercely, victim and lots of others my only wish is that your evidence was very short]]> 2023-03-27 14:19:38 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533188180 Anwesha https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533335567 Hello Joseph. First of all, your usage of elevated and sophisticated vocabulary on your transition words really made the paragraph substantial. For example, you used transitions like “To show,” “In summation,” “Clearly,” etc. It made your analysis very slick.  In addition, I liked your claim sentence. It clearly showed and displayed the theme. However, one suggestion I can offer is to vary the word “every day” a bit. This is used quite often throughout the paragraph. Perhaps switching it up to be “all of the days” would help to eliminate repetitiveness.]]> 2023-03-27 15:49:17 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533335567 Jacob Dankin https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533497545 Hi Joseph! One positive part I found in your piece was when during your second evidence you said rocketed. I thought this really the piece as it really exploded (no pun intended) the piece with more description as it was different from the often occurring “slingshot” in other pieces. Another compliment I had was, your capitalization of some words, it really exaggerated your piece and made it feel like you had watched this multiple times and were a professional critic. One wish I had was you wrote a bit more. In some parts of your explanations I found that I wanted more description.]]> 2023-03-27 17:37:47 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533497545 Anaya 29ansandhu https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533800634 Hi Joseph! Good job with your theme analysis paragraph! First off, I loved your explicit word choice. Words such as “bickering”, “diligently”, and “monstrous” made your piece very strong and elaborate. Secondly, good job stating your evidence. The way you summed up what happened in the Pixar Short between the stated time stamps was short, yet effective and elaborate. This helped the reader understand what happened in the short, in minimum wording. Finally,  a wish I have for your piece is I wish you better organized your explanation. You didn’t really explain what the evidence meant or why it was important, so make sure you do that next time. Otherwise, good job!]]> 2023-03-27 21:07:47 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2533800634 Chase Gechtman https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2623682477 Hi Joseph, A strength of your informational presentation is that you did really well decorating your slides.  The design was basic but also really good in a way that I can understand what you are trying to say and your text. Another star is that You kept to the facts meaning that you didn’t take so long to tell us why this is important. You told us immediately and it gave me an understanding of what your prevention was about. However, I feel that you lack a little bit of information in one of your slides. I feel that you could have added more details about the crocs but you didn’t and went on to the other slide. Otherwise, good job!


]]> 2023-06-14 18:21:30 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2623682477 Cole Webster https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2623813796 Hi Joseph! A strength In your writing piece I found would be your background and design of your slides. They were extremely detailed in every way. Another strength that I found in your piece is the word choice. you had very advanced level sentences that had the reader hooked into the slides. One thing I would work on Is the amount of sentences you are writing. I would write a little more on some of the slides. Overall, this  was an amazing piece ]]> 2023-06-14 22:44:46 UTC https://padlet.com/29jsalamanca/3ts6nx6gr9b8s05q/wish/2623813796