Week 4 seminar by Rhys Sandow https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e Gender essay critique en-us 2022-02-04 09:10:46 UTC 2022-02-04 16:42:33 UTC hello@padlet.com Clear introduction (introduces topic, discusses what will be discussed in the essay and background.) https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029274682

]]> 2022-02-04 11:31:51 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029274682 Good references --> relevant and seem to be correctly presented. https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029275046 2022-02-04 11:32:09 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029275046 Lots of run on sentences https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029276060 2022-02-04 11:32:58 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029276060 Not a lot of actual examples (like what women only adjectives?) https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029276344 2022-02-04 11:33:14 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029276344 Sometimes the argument gets lost: it can jump around and could benefit from more of a clear train of thought https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029277785 2022-02-04 11:34:33 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029277785 More explanation needed on some of the broader claims and more clarification -i.e why does it show less patriarchal society and what is hedging? give examples?) I.e briefly mentioned Iran but not much explanation of why its relevant. https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029278009 2022-02-04 11:34:45 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029278009 Some claims are very broad and not necessarily true (i,e less patriarchal society and lack of empirical evidence.) https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029279038 2022-02-04 11:35:47 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029279038 Uses a lot of features to explain and include arguments from both sides. https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029279589 2022-02-04 11:36:20 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029279589 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029280097 Many direct quotations where perhaps paraphrasing would have sufficed]]> 2022-02-04 11:36:49 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029280097 Evaluate a lot too --> i.e this is good but can also be seen as. evaluate the context of the points. i.e including years and referencing the zeitgeist. https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029280317

]]> 2022-02-04 11:37:02 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029280317 Descriptive for the most part; requires more explanations to link it back to the question https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029280842 2022-02-04 11:37:28 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029280842 The second paragraph discusses two different examples, but they are not tied together well. Either break them up or make the paragraph's argument clearer https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029281174 2022-02-04 11:37:47 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029281174 Seems odd to reject Zimmerman and West just because Beattie's sample size was larger as it still provides valuable evidence https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029283279 2022-02-04 11:39:39 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029283279 Good structure with headings for each element https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029283861 2022-02-04 11:40:08 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029283861 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029284999 - The intro explains the intentions/arguments of the essay.  Also telling us what studies they plan to talk about and giving context. 
- Well structured and easy to follow with clear headings. 
- Some studies there was no evaluation- more like summarising. 
- Good range of data from the 1970s to current. 
- Give a definition of the terms they're talking about. 
- When discussing results they add their own opinion. 
- Doesn't seem to be a conclusion at the end of each section- not a lot of engagement/ overarching argument is not that clear. 
- Conclusion: needs more thorough explanation/ explanation. 
- Fab research with lots of references. 
- Concluding sentence doesn't coherently link to the start to show a clear argument.


]]> 2022-02-04 11:41:07 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029284999 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029285310 It synthesises lots of papers, seems well researched, and the papers are from varied places/times. They also unpacked the studies and evaluated them

Some arguments are a bit vague and not very technical or convincing eg. "it is more up to date/modern" doesn't really mean anything (modern isn't good or bad)

The conclusion seems a bit fluffy and less specific in terms of linguistic theories]]> 2022-02-04 11:41:23 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029285310 "it could be argued whether in 2020, such a patriarchal order does still exist, making this claim less convincing" ???? back this up with a source or remove it https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029285316 2022-02-04 11:41:23 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029285316 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029287520 1. Make sure you're linking back to the question/ point. 

2. At the end of each section, be sure to suggest how it has helped your argument with explicit links to your point. 

3. Use the study to prove/ disprove your point rather than just to summarise/ give information. ]]> 2022-02-04 11:43:25 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029287520 'Its foundations also lacked empirical evidence; therefore, it may be considered a biased model created by a feminist.' Based off of statistical evidence so could it be bias? https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029288152 2022-02-04 11:44:00 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029288152 Says that women both deviate from the prestigious norm and use the prestigious standard more frequently without explaining this difference https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029345433 2022-02-04 12:35:48 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029345433 Seems to just list findings rather than explaining them but includes an evaluation of some research https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029345755 2022-02-04 12:36:06 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029345755 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029535493 The essay is logically structured with clear headers which make it easier to navigate]]> 2022-02-04 14:36:45 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029535493 short sentences used which can be expanded and evaluated more ems607_3 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029535838 2022-02-04 14:36:57 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029535838 mk1575 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029539887 A range of references throughout. But, some studies used and evaluated are vague and to make sure they are linking back to the question at hand. Should try not to make it a summary of studies need a bit more evaluation and how it helps the argument being made. ]]> 2022-02-04 14:39:13 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029539887 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029654945 A very clearly written essay, but some ideas are presented quite simplistically ]]> 2022-02-04 15:41:48 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029654945 seems to switch between past and present tense in some cases https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029754458 2022-02-04 16:38:10 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029754458 most paragraphs have a good summarizing final sentence https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029755699 2022-02-04 16:38:50 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029755699 A good range of studies, however, some studies were lacking evaluation. https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029755790 2022-02-04 16:38:53 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029755790 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029756085 Overall good ideas, however, some generalized points/ ideas that need further explanation and better formulation]]> 2022-02-04 16:39:03 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029756085 https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029762283 - straightforward and clear introduction
- use of subtitles and good structure
- statistics to back up points
- lack of evaluation
- overuse of in-text citations 
- lack of comparison]]> 2022-02-04 16:42:33 UTC https://padlet.com/rhyssandow/3mqofc9lh455j59e/wish/2029762283