https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4 Made with a quick smile en-us 2017-02-03 19:29:22 UTC 2025-12-09 15:56:50 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151548787 Topic Sentence: REVISE (see note below)
Details/Facts: Your topic sentence stated Portola had one important achievement, but in then you listed several important achievements.
Concluding Sentence: REVISION NEEDED. (too simple/plain)]]> 2017-02-03 19:32:02 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151548787 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151611175 Be sure all verbs are in the past tense (ex. discovering should be discovered)
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-04 15:49:54 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151611175 cweighall https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151855127 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 15:38:22 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151855127 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151940859 Nicely done!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:11:03 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151940859 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151941635 Well done!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:12:54 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151941635 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151941691 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good, but please eliminate the ...glad I get to study him. We don't put ourselves ("I) into informative writing. ]]> 2017-02-06 19:12:59 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151941691 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151941816 Super!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:13:13 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151941816 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151944093 Great work!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:18:44 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151944093 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151944868 Can you please try to find a different word for things?
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:20:40 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151944868 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151945201 Topic Sentence: Using a question as your topic sentence in a body paragraph isn't advised. Please rewrite into a statement.

Details/Facts: good

Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:21:28 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151945201 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151946913 Well done!!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-06 19:25:53 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/151946913 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152255478 Topic Sentence: good

Details/Facts: You need to add some information about this...
Drake claimed the land for England, naming it Nova Albion, or New England. (Albion is the Roman name for England.) He then sailed on across the Pacific, becoming the first captain to sail his ship around the world. The Golden Hind and her 59 remaining crewmen returned to England on September 26, 1580.

Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-07 18:43:39 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152255478 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152303652 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-07 21:06:20 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152303652 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152307749 Topic Sentence: good

Details/Facts: On November 1, 1603, Vizcaino returned to Spain where was rewarded with the title of mayor. Reports say that he made multiple maps of the California coastline. One of his maps recorded Monterey Bay incorrectly, which confused explorers forever. Vizcaino will also be remembered for giving very important names to places in California such as, San Diego, Monterey Bay, Point Reyes, Santa Barbara, and Small Port.

Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-07 21:25:16 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152307749 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152307783 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-07 21:25:26 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152307783 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152310377 Topic Sentence: good

Details/Facts: run-on sentence: too many conjunctions.

Concluding Sentence: please revise. Use something other than "I think..."]]> 2017-02-07 21:35:33 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152310377 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152311237 See my notes in your writing notebook.
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-07 21:41:11 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152311237 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152311559 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-07 21:42:47 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/152311559 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/153107519 Topic Sentence: great!
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-10 16:37:37 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/153107519 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/153107734 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-10 16:38:28 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/153107734 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/153769714 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good, but please pay close attention during our editing/revising lessons as we need to work on your sentence fluency and transitions.
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-14 16:20:42 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/153769714 https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/154435537 Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: very light in details. Please add more.
Concluding Sentence: good]]> 2017-02-16 19:19:50 UTC https://padlet.com/cweighall/3dakt2wkmrc4/wish/154435537