College Essay Exemplars by Julie Wagner https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq Each student in each color group will read a different college essay exemplar according the number on his or her chair. Each student will post one response to the exemplar he/she read. en-us 2023-09-10 16:00:57 UTC 2023-09-14 19:14:42 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f4dc.png Tone https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702706291 The casual tone in the essay exudes an informal conversation, creating a more enjoyable reading experience. ]]> 2023-09-13 19:39:48 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702706291 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702707700 -The writer showed dedication, determination, and open-mindedness. It was written as a story, creating a more engaging read.]]> 2023-09-13 19:40:58 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702707700 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702708755 He knows that sometimes you have to fall down and that's ok. Its also always important to do what you love ]]> 2023-09-13 19:41:53 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702708755 the writer showed empathy and growth through his mistake https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702709328 2023-09-13 19:42:21 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702709328 shows his personality well and shows his understanding of failure brings realization or even success later down the road https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702709403 2023-09-13 19:42:25 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702709403 Purpose https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702709427 Richard is able to describe how he learned a valuable life lesson without explaining how he achieved a "movie-like" act of heroism]]> 2023-09-13 19:42:27 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702709427 The author used a lot of imagery to the point where you felt like you were there watching the event unfold https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710427 2023-09-13 19:43:13 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710427 the writer showed his ability to learn from his mistakes and right a wrong. https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710437 2023-09-13 19:43:14 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710437 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710819 While reading the essay, the reader learned the value this author places on tradition and the genuine care they feel for others. Additionally, the author revealed their passion to leave a mark on the world. I enjoyed that the author continued the metaphor of kimchi throughout the whole essay. I wish the author revealed a little more about themselves.]]> 2023-09-13 19:43:33 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710819 The author's constant tone change between analyzing every minute detail of a situation, and zooming out to a significantly broader theme with less attention to detail, helps exemplify the contrast in varying perspectives and how each individual has a different reason for the choices he or she makes. https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710859 2023-09-13 19:43:36 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710859 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710973 appreciative - the writer cherishes the littlest things because he knows they could soon be gone so he doesn't take anything for granted]]> 2023-09-13 19:43:43 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710973 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710988 The writer beautifully shows us a walk us through a narrative in which the resentful feelings felt toward their brother were eventually replaced with compassion and respect, all because they had felt guilty due to shooting their brother.]]> 2023-09-13 19:43:43 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702710988 I did not appreciate the cliff hanger at the end but it added to the suspense and thrill of the essay as he portrayed his emotions and thought process through the entire event https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711116 2023-09-13 19:43:49 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711116 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711157 The writer showed a dedication to her culture throughout  her essay, showing that even if there is a problem she will face it head on]]> 2023-09-13 19:43:51 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711157 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711234 The writer shows perspective by looking beyond the surface level of such a simple game. I like that they discuss the different narratives people have and that life is almost like a big game or puzzle that we must figure out.]]> 2023-09-13 19:43:56 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711234 his tone was simple and casual, wasn't trying to play up the story more than it was. his essay felt more like a conversation than a formal essay. shows humiliation and how he found his way out of it https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711687 2023-09-13 19:44:24 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711687 He showed how a he made a mistake , but instead of carrying on he went out of his way to correct it. https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711797 2023-09-13 19:44:31 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711797 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711874 The author shows growth and answers the prompt beautifully, ultimately coming to the conclusion that he lost sight of his purpose to play baseball. He reflects on his setback at the end, realizing that he forgot what was truly important.]]> 2023-09-13 19:44:36 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702711874 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702712393 The admissions office would be able to infer that the author is a deep, philosophical thinker through the consistent delve into the relfection of society from something as simple as rock-paper-scissors. I enjoyed the consistent use of rock-paper-scissors as a metaphor for much deeper social topics]]> 2023-09-13 19:45:00 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702712393 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702712763 The writer expressed himself in a humble way that allowed the readers to see how his life lesson of failure impacted the way he sees the game of baseball.]]> 2023-09-13 19:45:21 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702712763 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713377 The extended metaphor of comparing a rock, paper, scissors game to the way in which people create "unconscious narratives" about the world, reveals that the writer is a critical thinker and values introspection. The writer's emphasis on overcoming one's unconscious narratives and seeking real truth displays the writer's desire to be authentic, and contribute to a better world. ]]> 2023-09-13 19:45:55 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713377 hating to caring https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713715 The author went from hating and pushing away his brother because apparently he was better than him at certain things and being praised for what he did. He then started to do activities with him and care for him.This shows his growth as a person from not liking to be with him to actually loving what he did with his brother ]]> 2023-09-13 19:46:15 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713715 Strengths of the Essay https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713894 - Very vivid descriptions/imagery that make you feel as if you're there in that very moment
- Powerful conclusion that leaves a resounding message - everyone has a legacy, what matters is what legacy we leave.
- Beautifully captures the emotions as the author experienced them.]]> 2023-09-13 19:46:23 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713894 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713896 The writer does a great job reflecting on their grandmother's legacy and relaying it to being the theme of the essay. They used metaphors and sincere language to give off a heartfelt tone. I also like how the author realizes that their grandma had her own legacy, and they hope to create their own. However, I think the writer should have talked more about them self, or showed how grandma's legacy changed them as a person.]]> 2023-09-13 19:46:23 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702713896 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714117 Using the innocent game of Rock Paper Scissors to relate back to incomplete narratives surrounding several topics, including gender standards, makes the writer seem like a more curious person due to the broader topics. They want to understand the unknown things about life and why individuals choose to make the decisions they do.]]> 2023-09-13 19:46:35 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714117 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714225 He cares for a person even when they did not want to talk to the author]]> 2023-09-13 19:46:41 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714225 I loved how the author was able to give a heartfelt story which portrayed him and his brother as two children who did not yet understand the severity their actions could have. It made the bitterness of his brother in the hospital more impactful as if we the readers could feel the sorrow and fleeting hope the author must have felt. https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714249 2023-09-13 19:46:43 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714249 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714893 The essay showed a lot about traditions and had a lot of description. The author clearly respected and admired his grandmother and cherished the moments he had with her. There was not much admitted about who the author was as a person and while their value of tradition and family was clear, it was solely about his grandmother and her. ]]> 2023-09-13 19:47:23 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702714893 https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702717788 The writer talks about a innocent game of rock,paper,scissors and turns it into a more philosophical game. The essay constant change do a bigger and bigger idea held the essay together ery well.]]> 2023-09-13 19:50:09 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2702717788 I was shocked how he just made up this prompt and wrote such a great essay https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2704738263 2023-09-14 19:14:42 UTC https://padlet.com/juliewagner2/3a3sdt1ffjqo8jiq/wish/2704738263