by Year 6 Teacher

Marco

2015-02-01 11:40:22 UTC

The boy,after killing the Jabberwocky, decided to remain beamish and excited about it. A lot of foreign people came to meet him and to ask him about his achievement and he, as proud as a king, would answer that he was walking through the forest and went to kill the Jabberwocky. The king gave him some money for killing the Jabberwocky and so he replaced his house. Also all his neighbors admired him because of his strength and courage. He required ~~to have~~ the respect of people and married the best woman in the country but then separated (just saying) and then became a bit bossy. He judged people by how brave they were. He also illuminated the sky with fireworks.

Then..............

He died!

What an abrupt ending! Very good - great drop in clauses 1HP

Look at the words that are crossed through - do you need them?

Mrs R

Micaela

valentimicaela — 2015-02-01 12:42:16 UTC

i still remember that dreadful night when I killed the Jaberwocky...

As I was galumphing through the not illuminated forest,i suddenly,

Maria

2015-02-01 13:03:40 UTC

"Hey everyone! I did it. I killed the Jabberwocky!" the boy screamed with EXCITEMENT.

"Well done" said everyone, as they were INVOLVING and clapping.

"Why did you INJURE the Jabberwocky?" asked the news reporter.

"What weapons did you use?" asked a man.

"~~how~~ did you defeat the Jabberwocky?" asked a little boy.

"~~was~~ it hard?!" asked a woman

Everyone kept asking him questions and questions. But all the answers the boy replied was:

"It REQUIRES someone as brave as me to kill and sleigh the creatures head. No one could have done what i did."

He kept on JUDGING everyone. Till one day......

The boy's father died. So he was the HEIR of his father.

No one liked that.

To be continued......

The words that are in CAPITAL LETTERS are the spelling words in this piece of writing.

I used 6 of my spelling words

Good girl - I can see! Great speech layout 1HP.

Edit the 2 words with the line through them.

Mrs R

Hayoon

2015-02-01 14:33:59 UTC

After killing the Jaberwock, the boy was so EXITED, cut also disappointed about he INJURED the poor Jabberwocky. He DECIDED to remain the beamish and proud (and also guilt)by making a book about him. After his books were kept in a bookstore, one of his NEIGHBOUR -who liked reading a lot- came in the bookstore. He was interested at the book by the boy, so he bought one a nod read it at home. Right after he read, he ran to the boy's house door, and without a knock, he came in the boy's room. The boy's room was completely BEIGE. He shouted,"Wow, this is an amazing book! If you sell this book in the whole world, you would make a lot of money!"

Unexpectedly, the boy wasn't that EXCITED. The boy said,"I don't really want to make much money, I just wanted to remain my thoughts."

The boy's neighbour went back home, disappointedly. Sadly, the boy didn't become a rich person, and just lived poor for his whole life.

Great speech punctuation and layout, Hayoon 1HP

Look at the 2 words with the line through them and make the corrections needed!

Mrs R