https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h Dana Kim en-us 2024-02-13 17:46:03 UTC 2024-02-26 17:52:52 UTC hello@padlet.com eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882529076 2024-02-13 17:47:55 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882529076 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882533206
The ways in which we learn to express our love can be affected by how we expect and receive it ourselves. Not only can it be a way to show our interest, feelings and affection, it can represent what we value as people when it comes to creating fulfilling relationships.

Michelle began to realize that her mother's way of showing affection was to pour her love into the foods she cooked for her; it served as a reminder that she had remembered all of the small details that went into prepping the dish just the way she liked it. "She remembered if you liked your stews with extra broth, if you were sensitive to spice, if you hated tomatoes, if you didn't eat seafood, if you had a large appetite. She remembered which banchan side dish you emptied first so the next time you were over it'd be set with a heaping double portion, served alongside the various other preferences that made you, you." (pg.14)

It didn't stop at food alone, as she states that “once a month, huge boxes would arrive, reminders I was never far from her mind. Sweet honey puffed rice, twenty four packs of individually wrapped seasoned seaweed, microwavable rice, shrimp crackers, boxes of Pepero, and cups of Shin ramen..” (pg. 69) She even noticed her mother’s efforts in which would usually go unnoticed for the average person; but for her, she knew what kind of person her mother was. “The cowboys boots arrived in one of these packages after my parents they’d already been broken in. My mother had worn them around the house for a week, smoothing the hard edges in two pairs of her feet, wearing in the stiffness, breaking the tough aether to spare me all the discomfort.” (pg. 69) “-I remembered how when I was a child I would slip my feet between my mother’s thighs to warm them. How’d she shiver and whisper that she would always suffer to bring me comfort, that that was how you knew someone really loved you.” (pg.86) It were these small habits that made her realize that the best form of love, was to show it in ways that became apparent when really searched for.


“It was vastly different than what others around her would describe as "motherly love", as she "remembered these things clearly because that was how my mother loved you, not through white lies and constant verbal affection, but in subtle observations of what brought you joy, pocketed away to make you feel comforted and cared for without even realizing it." (pg. 14) These experiences made her realize the different ways a mother would care for her own daughter, and she began to reflect that behavior throughout her adult life. When she took care of her bedridden mother, she cooked a dish best fit for the state she was in-- gyeranjjim, a classic korean silky custard egg dish, which was light and easy to digest. For her aunt Nami and cousin Seong Young she cooked the ultimate comfort food, hearty doenjang jjigae soup, which she adjusted the flavour until it was as close as to her mom's recipe as she could get it. She soon learned that between her and her mom, food was an unspoken language, as she states that "it had come to symbolize our return to eachother, our bonding, our common ground." (pg. 98) She began to feel that the best thing she could do for the loved ones around her, was to cook them dishes that reminded them of home— where they feel safe and connected.

“Hers was tougher than tough love. It was brutal, industrial strength. A sinewy love that never gave way to an inch of weakness. It was love that saw what was best for you ten steps ahead, and didn’t care if it hurt like hell in the meantime.” “She was guilty of caring too much. I realize this now, only in retrospect. No one in this world would ever love me as much as my mother, and she would never let me forget it.” (pg. 18)

These texts show example of how love language can shape the way we choose to communicate with others, our desire to nurture and care for the people we love, and our belief that actions speak louder than words. 



]]> 2024-02-13 17:51:45 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882533206 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882533593 Relationships, such as that of a mother and daughter, will most likely leave lasting impressions on the child’s development— whether it be life values or small habits we picked up that seem to make us differ from others.

“My mother rarely saw doctors, committed to the idea that ailments passed of their own accord. She felt that Americans were overly cautious and overly medicated and had instilled this belief in me from a young age, so much so that when Peter got food poisoning from a bad can of tuna and his mother suggested I take him to urgent care I actually had to stifle a laugh.” (pg. 41) From this segment, we can tell that pretty important values (such as medicine) have been introduced into Michelle at a young age, making her internalize her mother’s skepticism for Western medicine. She also talks about how this was a clause when discovering her mother’s cancer, never expecting a small stomachache which she hadn’t worried about, to turn out to be something so life-threatening.

Other factors such as the importance of physical appearance has been instilled into Michelle as well, which caused her much disstress over her teenage years. She was self conscious about her asian heritage and everything that came with it, from appearances to food. “Every time I ate well or bowed correctly to my elders, my relatives would say, “Aigo yeppeu.” ‘Yeppeu,” or pretty, was frequently employed as a synonym for good or well behaved, and this fusion of moral and aesthetic approval was an early introduction to the value of beauty and the rewards it had in store.” (pg. 33) “My mother was always trying to shape me into the most perfect version of myself when I was an infant, she pinched my nose because she was worried it was too flat.” “If I furrowed my brow or smiled too widely, she’d smooth my forehead with her fingers and instruct me to “stop making wrinkles.” If I walked with a slouch, she’d push a palm between my shoulder blades and command, “Ukgae pee-goo!” “Shoulders straight!” (pg. 18)

Even when she was met with the devastating news of her mother’s cancer, she had already learned to be emotionally restraint. To spare her of any extra discomfort, Michelle would withhold her tears to try to portray hope and strength, like how her mother taught her. “But instead, I felt my body stiffen, my heart harden, my feelings froze over. An internal voiced commanded, “Do not break down. If you cry, it’s acknowledging danger. If you cry, she will not stop.” So instead, I swallowed my steady voice, not just to comfort her with a white lie but to truly force myself into believing it.” (pg.91) “I swallowed the lump in my throat, slung my bag back over my shoulder, and smiled. I thought, Save your tears for when your mother dies.” (pg. 42)

This key idea can also tie into other factors as well— such as love language and the importance of cultural food.
Relationships have no restriction of exactly when they enter our lives, whether it’s from our childhood, teenage years or adulthood— which is why we are so easily influenced by those we keep around. This is why parental roles such as a mother can affect self/body image, the way we pass along our cultural and family traditions, communication methods and emotion regulation/coping mechanisms. ]]> 2024-02-13 17:52:06 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882533593 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882537032 Food can hold many meanings for a lot of people— more than just pure sustenance and nutrition. It has the ability to define a significant part of who we are, as it can tie back to our cultural identity, memories of our heritage, which is a definitive factor as to what we may believe and value as people.


Michelle states that when she goes in search for Korean food in an H Mart, she is looking for a taste of home, nostalgic flavours that remind her of the very place she grew up in. “—when I go to H Mart, I’m not just on the hunt for cuttlefish and three bundles of scallions for a buck; I’m searching for memories. I’m collecting the evidence that the korean half of my identity didn’t die when they did.” (pg. 11)

Her family viewed food as delicacies to indulge in instead of valuing luxuries and fine art, which allowed Michelle to try a variety of exotic dishes. From a young age, her palette was developed, enjoying a range of delicacies which would be considered “not fit for a child’s taste buds”, aeui imbas-eneun maj-ji anh-eul geos, in Korean standards. “What they lacked in high culture, they made up for by spending their hard-earned money on the finest of delicacies. My childhood was rich with flavour—blood sausage, fish intestines, caviar. They loved good food, to make it, to seek it, to share it, and I was an honary guest at their table.” (pg. 23) I find this to be relative when connecting to her belief on the value of going to an H-mart, as a grocery store filled with snacks, niche ingredients and side dishes ties back to the sole meaning of heritage to Michelle; her Korean identity, her other half. To Michelle, food is a concept imbedded with memories, something that reminders her of her home and loved ones. When she describes the flavours, they’re not just visually descriptive, but she emphasizes the sole feelings she withholds in each and every one of these dishes.

It can also be viewed as a sort of coping mechanism for Michelle, as she cooks as a replacement for her therapy sessions. “Nothing my therapist said was anything I hadn’t psychoanalyzed in myself a million times already anyway. I was paying a hundred dollar copay per session, and I began to think it would be more fulfilling to just take myself out for a fifty dollar lunch twice a week.” (pg.212)  ]]> 2024-02-13 17:55:14 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882537032 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882538428 Childhood environment can be a very important factor when it comes to the development of our mindsets.

Michelle states that when she was little, she had a compulsion to always please her mother even if her expectations were exhausting. She would tidy and clean around the house just for a hint of acknowledgment and praise from her mother which she recognized as affection. “Her rules and expectations were exhausting, and yet if I retreated from her I was isolated and wholly responsible for entertaining myself.” “I would dust the shelves beneath and clean the glass with Windex, then try my best to reorganize them from memory, hoping my mother would return and reward me with affection. I developed this compulsion to clean as a sort of protection ritual performed when I felt even the slightest bit abandoned, an eventuality that tormented my young imagination.” (pg. 20-21) Later on as she moved out to her own place, her apartment complex was said to be a mess-- she had gotten tattoos which she knew would disappoint her mother, and pursued music even though she was told to choose a more dignified career path. It was her way of rebelling, going against her wishes for the fights she'd previously picked with her. 

The importance of a parent role can tie into this factor as well, as they are the people closest to us during our childhood. Overall, the way in which our childhood is played out has a profound influence on our values, beliefs and behaviors, shaping identity and worldview that would be significant throughout later in life. ]]> 2024-02-13 17:56:26 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882538428 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882549527 As a person is who also of Korean heritage growing up in a foreign country, I deeply resonate with the memoir Crying in H-Mart, and I've come to realize that many of my own beliefs and values come from these factors as well.

From learning to cook and bake for my loved ones in means of showing my affection, this love language I developed was in influence from my own mother who did the same for me throughout my life. I love gifting people items carefully crafted by hand, as I find that personalizing it would show my dedication and effort. Being unfamiliar with western traditions, I was also afraid to stand out from everyone else. Hassled by varying microaggressions and the constant reminder that I, an asian kid with a bowl cut could barely speak a word of english, quickly succumbed to the standard norms of what I thought made me a "normal" person. I would constantly bother my mom, asking her to pack a lunch as something "a white person would eat", despite loving her home-cooked food made from the very roots of our culture. As of now, my point of view has definitely changed, as I’ve learned to appreciate every part of my identity. 

On the topic of family, friends and spouse relationships, my mom is a huge part of my life and always will be and I feel a sense of relief that a connection of this sort is so thoroughly expressed throughout this memoir. Because I too, believe that she is the most important person in my life and is someone who made it worth believing so. She is a role model who taught me right from wrong, what to appreciate in life and supported whatever path I wanted to pursue and I’ll be forever grateful for everything she’s done for me. ]]> 2024-02-13 18:06:23 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2882549527 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2883791890 The love language Michelle displays can be expressed as “acts of service”, as she believes that doing favors big or small, can mean so much more than words. Other means of affection include: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, which are also shown through other relationships Michelle has with her family members and partner.

Peter

From agreeing to Michelle’s marriage proposal for the sake of her mother and then helping take care of her in her bedridden state, I can state that Peter most definitely values acts of service and quality time. He was always there when Michelle was experiencing extreme hardships and made an effort to connect with her as a person— as well as with her culture and family.

Her Dad

Although Michelle does not share many connections with her father, quality time seems to be a factor he values when he attempts to reconcile with her through both their grief in Chongmi’s passing. This is expressed through their travel to Vietnam in hopes of a mental health break, their time reminiscing about old times, and cooking and eating out at restaurants together. ]]> 2024-02-14 17:53:42 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2883791890 eunchaekim7 https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2885079488 This article delves into how a parental role can have a deep impact on the child’s development. It states the importance of factors I have previously stated that had an affect on Michelle, such as emotional, behavioral, social and cognitive competence.]]> 2024-02-15 17:38:40 UTC https://padlet.com/eunchaekim7/34qi3arba4utdc0h/wish/2885079488