看完这个电影，我犹豫是否Billie的家人不告诉奶奶有癌症是个对的方式。我觉得在这个情况下，没有对或者错的答案，没有最对的答案。他们决定不告诉奶奶她的诊断的原因是有道理的。但是因为我是在外国长大的，我越觉得每个人有权利知道她是否有癌症。虽然有两个不同的文化信仰，对奶奶的爱束缚了Billie 和他的家人。最终不管方式是对还是错，因为在那个时期，他们对奶奶的爱才是最重要的。

Below is the dark scene in which Billie confronts her dad and uncle that she can't keep the secret from her grandma anymore. In which her uncle replies to her that the purpose of the family in Chinese culture is to bear the burden for each other. 

In Kim’s Convenience, the concept of Us and Them is apparent in the differences Appa, who is a Korean immigrant dad, faces with his diverse customers. For example, the way Appa raised his children is very Korean, using methods such as flicking their forehead as a light punishment. When one of his customers, who is a Western mother, brings her naughty child into Appa’s store, Appa flicks the child on the forehead for creating a mess. While the Western mother perceives this action as abuse, it is only part of Korean culture for Appa to act like that. 

I find in Asian parenting, it is more acceptable to lay your hands on your children, compared to Western parenting -- which creates the Us and Them mentality. My parents fall on the spectrum somewhere, since they do not necessarily agree with all the traditional Asian parenting ways (like spanking children). One time when our family went to visit China, my mom got lectured by her dad for not properly raising my brother and I. There was an incident where we did not follow the hierarchy while eating dinner and my grandfather became very angry. I think there is definitely a difference between the ways Chinese parents raise their children and the way Western parents do, so it must be tough for my parents to know how to properly raise CBC children. In order to avoid these awkward situations if I return to China, I explored some Chinese guest manners in my final project. However, I do feel scarred by how strongly my grandparent reacted to something which was clearly an unfamiliar setting for my brother and I, so I am hesitant to see my grandparents. I think both parties need to acknowledge there is a learning curve and to be accepting of that in order to overcome the Us and Them concept.

Eleanor is unpleasantly surprised when Rachel hugs her.

Within Crazy Rich Asians, people defined outsiders by how worthy of a person they were as an individual to be associated with. The worthiness of a person can be defined by their looks, wealth, and social status. For example,  when Rachel visited Peik Lin in her home, wearing a plain red dress, Peik Lin immediately said she needed to change because she understood people would criticize Rachel once she visited Nick’s family. And Peik Lin was proven right; when Rachel arrived at the party, everyone turned their heads and whispered judgmentally. This proves that within the Chinese culture, people dress to impress and to show off their wealth. If you don’t carry yourself with elegance, and high-end fashion, people will think you have a lower socio-economic standing and won’t want to associate with you. So this tells me that Chinese people are quite judgmental about superficial values such as things that are taken at face value, and they don’t consider a person’s unique and caring personality, which Western people values more. 

Outsiders are also defined by their different goals and mindsets. When Rachel meets Nick’s mom, Nick’s mom criticizes and excludes Rachel for following her passions, as Eleanor believes doing what is logical and honorable is more important. Eleanor says, “You may think what I’m doing is old-fashioned, but I believe this is the way I can stay honorable to my family”. In other words, Eleanor wants Nick to have someone who will put family first, sacrificing their own dreams. This reminds me of the stereotypical “chinese culture”, where tiger parents will have high expectations of their children to obey the family, discouraging them from pursuing their passions if it is not deemed “worthy” enough.  However in the western culture, it seems more often parents will encourage their kids to follow their dreams, no matter what it would be. 

Furthermore, this reminds me of a person bringing their family back to a traditional Chinese household. Just like Eleanor, Chinese parents tend to “inspect” the significant other to see if they’re worthy of their children, such as asking them for their education, career, and even salary. Because Rachel is of a lower socio-ecnomic background, Eleanor deems her as “not enough” for Nick, because she will never understand the wealthy and culturally Chinese world to which Nick comes from. This is because the Chinese culture values security within a family. But in a western family, they usually only care if the significant other treats their children well. 

Rich girls judging Rachel’s dress and socio-economic status.

（我早前跟王老師說了，她說我可以看另外一些電視劇或電影）

這個禮拜我看了一部香港電續劇，叫 《平安谷之詭谷傳說》。這是關於一群女生在民初的時候在一條又偏僻又落後叫平安谷的小村裡生活。因為平安谷的村民對於重男輕女這個概念根深蒂固，這些女生常常被很多男人欺凌和壓迫。所以，這些女生想推動改革。其中帶頭去抗爭是一位女生叫羅桂思。她是在外國長大的，之後回國嫁給一直在平安谷裡生活的陸水豐。桂思和村裡的女生想建設一個更好的社會，廢除 《女誡》，爭取男女平等。雖然羅桂思和一群女生面對著種種困難，例如村裡老百姓守舊的思想，但是她們依然迎難而上，最後她們能夠在平安谷成功地廢除 《女誡》。

在那部電續劇裡，有一段很有意思的片段。因為羅桂思是在外國成長，她是比較獨立和直率。她認為結婚是兩個人的事情，可是她的家翁覺得結婚的兩家人的事情。在那個片段裡，桂思與她的家翁常常有不同的想法，有很多的矛盾。她的家翁希望他們可以跟家人住在一起。但是桂思希望好像西方人一樣，結婚以後就搬出去，獨立生活。桂思為了尊重她丈夫的家人，她決定化解矛盾。她知道中國人的家庭觀念比西方人重，中國人常常希望一家人整整齊齊坐在一起。除此以外，她也明白中國人很注重 “百善孝為先” 這個概念 ，家裡的後背不應該違背長輩的心意。他們不可以像西方人一樣，獨立作出一個決定，不論父母反對與否。桂思為了表示她對家翁的尊重，她決定送一份 “禮物” 給她的家翁。這份 ”禮物” 就是請一位攝影師為他們拍一張全家福。最後，她的家翁表現得很開心因為他覺得自己很有福氣，兒孫滿堂。看完這部電視劇以後我認為不論中國人或西方人都希望家和萬事興，一家人和睦相處。很多時候一家人是要互相遷就才可以化解矛盾。雖然中國父母很傳統，但是現今的中國父母跟民初時代的中國父母很不同，他們現在十分開明，很多事情都讓子女做主。

Two commonly spoken phrases in Chinese peoples’ daily conversations are “你好” and “不用了“ . Chinese people always respect others and are afraid to offend others. They always think that it is not a bad thing to be more polite (禮多人不怪), which is why they always greet people with “你好”, even if they do not know them.  They are also afraid to be a burden on others and they do not like owing people things (欠人人情), so they always say “不用了” when someone offers them a favour. Two common gestures in the Chinese culture are nodding and waving hands. Chinese people often want to live in harmony with everyone, so they nod to greet people even if they are not familiar with them. Chinese people wave at people who they are closer with, to show courtesy and friendliness. 

I watched the movie “Pushing Hands” and I found two scenes that demonstrate how people define outsiders. The first scene is when Martha, Alex, and Mr. Chu are having dinner together. In this scene, Martha is being excluded as Alex and Mr. Chu are having side conversations about how Martha should not just eat vegetables. 
Another scene is when Mr. Chu is excluded. He is not too aware of the ways how Western people teach their children. Martha allows his son Jeremy to watch TV after finishing his meal, but Mr. Chu does not approve of this. He does not like how Jeremy is watching violent movies while the rest of the family is still having dinner together. 

Chinese people usually exclude others by having side conversations with other people. They will speak in Chinese so others would not understand what they are saying. This is because they enjoy being private about a lot of things and would not want to expose their personal information to others. On the other hand, they include people by having small talks with others. Relationships are really important to the Chinese people and building up a good reputation with them is important if they want to be included in the Chinese society. 

The concept of “Us” and “ Them” is really evident when I visit Asia. Every year, I visit my relatives in Hong Kong, Singapore, and China. When I visit Hong Kong and Singapore, I felt more like an insider because there is a strong western culture in those two cities. Many people spoke English and followed a Western lifestyle. The people in Hong Kong and Singapore were also quite similar to me, and I met many people that also grew up in Canada. We shared a lot of common interests and we did not have any language or cultural barriers. There were also districts in both Hong Kong and Singapore where there would be restaurants completely owned and operated by Westerners. While visiting these restaurants with my friends and family, it felt like home. However, in China, I felt like an outsider. Their lifestyle was completely different than the one I was used to. For example, when I went out with my relatives in Zhongshan one day, they asked if I would be willing to have dog meat for lunch. I was utterly shocked because I would have never imagined eating such things in my life. My relatives explained to me after that dog meat is actually good for health according to the Chinese culture and tradition. Not only did I felt like an outsider in this situation, but I also felt disappointed that my relatives would eat such exotic foods. There was also a language barrier, as Mandarin was predominantly spoken in China, and I did not understand much of what the local people were saying. Their living conditions were also much more poorer than Hong Kong and Singapore. Smoking was a big part of many locals’ lives and air pollution was quite severe. It was really difficult for me to connect and communicate with my cousins and relatives in China. I could not relate to some of their culture, values, and interests. 

In the movie "刮痧,“ Datong is also not considered as a good father because of the way he acted in the court. He was easily angered and he hit his own son when his son did something wrong. In the court, the American lawyer argued that Datong should definitely be separated from his son because of his violent behaviors. While Chinese pay attention to traditional hierarchical relation between father and son, for Americans, juniors have the same status as seniors. Because of this,  Datong's case of winning his son back is another step backward.

 

  在这部电影里，有一个很有意思的场景。这是介绍场景， Nick的妈妈家人走进宾馆因为有暴风雨，但是员工不希望他们留下。他们是种族主义者，因为他们希望他们去中国城，加上他们以为亚洲人没有钱。后来，Nick 的妈妈生气买下了他们的宾馆。

 

  我发现这个场景对我来说非常重要，因为在美国和加拿大很多人都认为我是中国人。所以，他们有时不会尊重我。他们认为我没有钱加上很脏。特别现在有了CORONA VIRUS，许多西方人变得更加种族主义。例如，有新闻报道说，一名中国大学生被打受伤了, 因为人们以为他带了Corona来他们的国家。加上，网上很多美国人认为所有中国人都很脏，都吃狗和蝙蝠。

 

  我觉得Crazy Rich Asians 是一个很有意思的电影，但是没有真正显示出中西文化的差别。他们讲更多关于钱的问题，没有多讲亚裔美国人的问题。

I believe Crazy Rich Asians is a terrific movie that talks about the cultural differences between old money and new money, and also Asian Americans and Asian Asian. However, I do not feel like it clearly conveys the differences specially between Canadian culture and Asian Culture. I do believe it really touches upon Asian Americans the most, since it expands on the difficulty of  them not finding a “true home” since they are not truly white or truly asian. I believe a notable quote that exemplifies this example was when Kerry points out to Rachel that “You may look Chinese, here and here you are different, but you are a Foreigner, an American, like a banana.” As a student who grew up in China speaking English while moving to Canada for college, I feel like this quote reflects on me in an opposite but similar way. Although I speak English, I don’t think I speak “their” kind of language. I tried adapting to Canada from learning and watching hockey to utilizing Vancouver slang, but I still never feel as connected since I didn’t grow up in Calgary or North Van. Many people grew up with each other or knowing each other from high schools, so when I try to talk, I feel like I’m intruding on a relationship that has been built throughout many years. However, whenever I talk to international students, I have so much more to connect about, since knowing Asia as a whole sets up many topics and understandings. Many Canadians do find it interesting when I talk about my experiences, but its not something they have actually done so I feel like they wouldn’t care it more. At the end of the day, I’m still finding the balancing point of adapting or accepting my own culture as feel like it’s a daily I face a lot. 

 

I personally have experienced this dilemma with own grandfather, who was also diagnosed with lung cancer. Before telling us of the news, the first words that my mom said were "don't tell your grandfather but…" so I chose to respect her wishes before formulating an opinion of my own. However, just like Billi, I felt a need to tell him but never did out of respect for my mother and due to my own wishes of letting my grandfather live the rest of his life happily. It was after his death, when my mother talked to her friends about her decision about keeping his cancer a secret, that withholding information about death from loved ones was a cultural thing. Her friends also agreed that it was a great decision and if they were put in the same situation, they wouldn’t have done it any other way. However, both my sister and I expressed regret that we couldn't 1) allow our grandpa to live a happier life before finding out about his illness and that 2) we couldn’t him anything. Just through these different perspectives of death, there was a divide between "us and them." My sister and I, 1.5 and 2 generation Chinese-Canadians (us), agreed with our mother's decision to some extent and had a different view on death because of cultural influences. However, my mother and her friends (them) decided it was best, in their opinion, to withhold such information. 

The movie I watched was “别告诉她,” or “The Farewell.” In this movie, an American named Billie finds out that her grandmother has cancer and will likely die from it. She travels to China with her parents to say goodbye to her grandma, but none of her family members tell the grandmother that she’s sick. There’s a really interesting scene in this movie where Billie’s father and uncle are smoking on a balcony. Billie asks them if they’ve told grandma about her cancer yet. Billie’s uncle, in response, tells her that in Chinese culture, it’s the job of the younger generation to make sure people who are older don’t suffer. What’s more, Chinese people see family as a collective-- and it’s the responsibility of everyone in the family to carry their grandmother’s burden of knowledge for her. I found this scene so interesting because both Billie and her uncle are angry and resentful at the other for not understanding their own point of view-- but both of them only want to do what’s best for Nainai. It’s just their respective cultures that make them disagree about what’s the kindest course of action to take. In Billi’s American culture, honesty is the most important thing. But in Billi’s uncle’s view, telling a white lie to grandma is better-- it’s kindness that is the most important.  

In the same episode, Janet starts to date Jung’s friend. He finds their relationship strange because he is her brother and but he decides to invite them to him and his roommate’s Nacho Sunday Night in an effort to make it less weird for him. However, Kimchee feels that Nacho Sunday is only for him and Jung to hang out and he sees his sister and her boyfriend as outsiders. Kimchee possibly feels this way because he doesn’t want people he is less comfortable with intruding on his time to relax with his good friend Jung. Though this scene is not necessarily a cultural difference, there is still that concept of outsider and insider that exists.

 

在這部電視劇裡，我覺得有非常多很有意義的片段，但我選的場景是在第一季第二集裡。在這個場景中，Janet（女兒）發現她的父親一直在賣她的照片。因此，她對她的父親生氣並與他吵架。在他們的戰鬥結束之前，她的父親說她很忘恩負義，他和媽媽並沒有犧牲他們在韓國的生活，只是為了讓他們的女兒浪費時間照相。

 

從這個場景中，我們可以看到Janet的價值觀與父親的價值觀之間的差異。儘管Janet的想法更西化了，並且相信她應該做任何讓自己快樂的事情，但她父親認為，要想成功，她必須賺很多錢。因此，他看不起Janet作為攝影師的職業選擇。我覺得作為亞洲移民，對孩子的期望是很高。這是因為您努力工作，以便您的孩子長大後可以過上更好的生活。儘管這個節目是從韓國人的角度來看的，但我認為中國移民的想法也非常相似。

 

儘管他們的想法大不相同，我覺得他們想法的原因卻很相似。我相信Janet和她的父親都希望她過上幸福的生活，但是他們對幸福的看法卻截然不同。我認為，由於他們的文化差異，他們相互誤解了，這才是造成衝突的原因。

Even then, their good intentions are often broken, as with June’s mom forcing her to play piano and achieve perfection. The argument between June and her mother about quitting piano, June yelling that she can’t make her play and her mom dragging her to the piano, is a moment of ignorance between them that many immigrant children are familiar with. 

For young June, her culture says that she gets to be her own person and doesn’t need to live for the expectations of her mom. However, she is unable to understand that her mom wants her to be so perfect because of all her hardships in China, having lost so much to allow her to live a better life in America. I think these kinds of intercultural misunderstandings happen a lot because it’s difficult to see the bigger picture. How can a child understand the pain her mother went through to give her freedom? And how could a mother who has suffered so much look at her child and not see a future where the daughter might suffer as much as she once did because she didn't prepare her well enough? 

Although these moments are painful, I think that overcoming these and learning to understand the other side is one of the ways to avoid the intergenerational inheritance of a sense of loss. One day, the child will understand why the mother did what she did, and one day, the mother will come to understand how much the child was hurt by the pursuit of perfection, and they can rectify their traumas together. 

第二个也是关心的意思。在 “别告诉她” 里，很多人常常说“别担心”。 这个短语也有关心的意思-- 因为中国人觉得别人对他们担心是们很多压力，所以中国人常常要告诉家人朋友们不担心。在喜宴的时候，妈妈问姨奶奶她怎么样，奶奶走了以后她要做什么？姨奶奶就说的：“别担心我，” 因为她不要妈妈受他的压力。再说，有一次奶奶问了她的照片子看的怎么样。姨奶奶也说“不担心，” 因为她和她家人要一起受奶奶的负担。这是“别告诉她”的最重要的关于：受别的人的负担。大家都不告诉奶奶因为他们觉得他们的责任就是受奶奶的负担。我觉得是一个关于对很多中国人有意义。再说，Billi的妈妈很不喜欢抒情，也不以为然Billi抒情。妈妈觉得给别人看到她的情感是像给别人她的负担， 所以她抑制她的情感，因为觉得是最德的事情。我觉得这也是中国文化：让别人不担心你，不抒情，所以别人不会受负担。

In The Farewell, I noticed two phrases that had hidden meanings, and two unspoken gestures that I found interesting. Every time that Nainai noticed Billi was sad in the movie, she would help Billi to more food, and tell her to eat more. The first time that Billi showed up at Nainai’s house for dinner, her face looked like she was about to cry, so Nainai heaped up her plate. When Billi was depressed again at the wedding banquet, Nainai gently added more food to her plate and offered a sweet “多吃异地点儿” -- “eat a little more.” I think Chinese people often express love through food. For example, a common greeting when seeing friends is “have you eaten?” Nainai really loves Billi, but doesn’t know why she’s sad, so she, like many Chinese people, uses food to silently say “I worry and care about your health, I care about you.” 

The second phrase and gesture is also about caring for other people. In The Farewell, the characters often say “don’t worry,” or “don’t worry about me.” This phrase is a form of caring, because Chinese people often feel that having others worry about them puts a lot of pressure on the others. So they tell friends and family not to worry about them as a way of taking off that pressure. At the wedding banquet, Billi’s mom asks Nainai’s younger sister what she’ll do after Nainai passes away. Her sister answers, “don’t worry about me,” because she doesn’t want Billi’s mother to have to think about or bear any of the pressure she’s under. In one scene, Nainai asks about the results of her X-ray. and Nainai’s sister responds “don’t worry.” She and the family have decided that they will collectively bear the emotional burden of Nainai’s cancer diagnosis for her. That’s the main theme of The Farewell: bearing the emotional burden of others. They never tell Nainai because they believe it’s their responsibility to bear her burden. I think this theme has a lot of meaning for other Chinese people. Billi’s mother hates showing her emotions, and disapproves of Billi being so emotional. Her mother feels like other people seeing her emotions is a burden on them. She represses her emotions because she believes it’s the most virtuous thing to do. I think this is also a teaching of Chinese culture-- don’t let others worry about you, and don’t openly express your feelings, so that you aren’t a burden on others. 

I think that the way the story is told is very unique because when we see the concept of insiders and outsiders, it is not usually displayed between parents and children. However, this show’s comedic factor is very reliant on the misunderstandings within the Kim family. Every episode usually progresses from conflict to reasoning to resolution and we see that the majority of their conflicts stems from cultural misunderstandings. While the parents are unable to understand western ways of thinking, the children, especially Janet is unable to understand eastern ways of thinking.

When comparing the concept of “Us and Them” displayed in the show to my own life, I can’t really relate to them. Whether it be at home with my family, or out in the city, I’ve never felt like an outsider in Vancouver or in Taiwan. Although my parents weren’t born in Canada, they moved here when they were still in high school. I believe that since they lived half their life surrounded by Asian culture, and half their life surrounded by western culture, their intercultural understanding is very different from other immigrants. Because of this, they raised me in a very culturally mixed environment. My parents taught me both Chinese and English, and although they wanted me to understand my cultural background, they never forced Chinese culture onto me.

Similarly, my family in Taiwan also never displayed the concept of “Us and Them”. Whenever I would return there, they would never treat me like a guest, but always like family, like they treated everyone else. They would never criticize my broken Chinese, or western habits, which is why I think that I never felt like an outsider.

Although I’m unable to relate to the concept of “Us and Them” or Insider Outsider displayed in “Kim’s Convenience”, I am still able to understand where they’re coming from. It is hard being an immigrant in a foreign place, and trying to fit in but I think that the show does a very good job at depicting growth and an increase in intercultural understanding between members of the Kim family.